The Voices in MJ

2010-10-18T21:30:00.001-07:00

Sick Day

2010-10-12T18:14:00.001-07:00

I love being sick! Sleep all day, do nothing, watch movies, take Nyquil, what else can a man want? Today I watched "Predators", "Bugsy", and "Diary of Anne Frank" in that order. No BS. I don't know what the method to my madness was but I really enjoyed al three.

One more thing. The Entertainment Industry labels most stoners as video game players. This is not true. Games are WAY too complex now a days for stoners.. were not talking fucking "Dr.Mario" here anymore These games now are like actually being dropped in Afghanistan and fighting in a war. When your mad high do you really want to fight in a war? Nope. Think of the biggest potheads you know and see if they play video games? Nope. They are watching dumb reality television, or Adam Sandler movies. No one has EVER watched "Dog The Bounty Hunter" while not on drugs. These shows simply are not enjoyable with a sober mind.

The South

2010-10-10T14:05:00.000-07:00

Have money on the Cowboys (I'm a dumbass) and I'm sitting here watching them get their asses kicked. One of my favorite things to do is go to a teams official forums when something really bad happens to that team. (But I don't do it for teams when something good happens... odd) For instance, the Cavaliers forum when Lebron announced he was going to the Heat. So anyway I just went to the Cowboys forum and found this gem. This comes from the user "trout31":

2010-09-26T10:44:00.000-07:00

Film 101

2010-09-26T00:25:00.001-07:00

My advice to aspiring filmmakers...

1. Ask yourself this question right now... am I crazy? If the answer is "no" then quit right now. No interesting film is coming to come from your being. Think of all your favorite actors and directors? Are they not batshit insane? Al Pacino and Nicholson seem like their all there? Part of the reason you want to do films is because you are crazy, as soon as you are able to come to terms with this you'll be better at your craft.

2. Get out of the classroom. Now of course you need some schooling but there's no better way to get out there with a camera and start making films. Low budgets pieces of shit. There are certain mistakes rookie filmmakers will make their first couple of times.... I guarantee it. There are simply just too many things that can fuck up on a film. No WAY you are going to get everything right.

3. Watch Classic and Foreign Films. If the only films you like and know are from the U.S. 2000-to present, you are going to make shit. Simply put. I'm not saying to be a film historian, but open your horizons a bit. And watch a lot of foreign films. Why? Because most American films copy from other countries. Other countries are ahead of us in technique and just about every other way possible when it comes to cinema. American cinema is being ruined by greed. Watch something cool from some foreign film.... modify it, dumb it.... then profit.

Today on the train....

2010-09-14T20:48:00.001-07:00

Today on the train I saw a tiny Korean woman. Thats it. End of Story. Lol that would be a great story. Anyway, I saw a tiny Korean woman on the train and she was wearing a polo shirt. No ordinary polo shirt. On the pocket of the shirt was Taz (Looney Tunes) and written underneath it said "I Don't Give A Fuck!". I found this to be hilarious. What made her buy this shirt? I could just picture her yelling out on the train with a heavy Korean accent, "I Don't Give A Fuck!" I would guarantee this shirt was not an officially licensed Looney Tunes product... a counterfeit one might say... but do you think she gives a fuck? She don't give a fuck. She making sure the world knows.

This guy is awesome

2010-09-11T13:58:00.000-07:00

Things that Piss Me Off...

2010-09-11T10:46:00.000-07:00

You know when you go on some sites and they make you do the Age Verification thing... like not even porn, like some stupid online video where someone curses. What the fuck is the point of this?! Who wastes their actual time and clicks thru to find their actual birth date? I click thru it as fast as humanly possible and have never not been born 1900's.... I am literally 110 years old. What kid is going to see this and not lie to be over 18? Who is this gonna stop? If your child is looking for bad shit online and is foiled by this verification, then he is a moron. You should hope that your child has the sense to get around it.

EAT DA POO POO

2010-09-10T21:42:00.000-07:00

One of the greatest things i have ever seen

Wow.

2010-09-10T21:35:00.000-07:00

I don't know what the hell this guy is running for but he has my vote. This guy is like the god damn Ultimate Warrior having a roid rage. It's like he is imitating Mel Gibson from those phone calls.

Keepin It Gangsta

2010-09-09T10:04:00.001-07:00

I Am Old...

2010-09-08T16:47:00.000-07:00

I was waiting on line in Staples and overheard a pair of parents and they're daughters talking about the first day of high school. (I guess highschool just started) This one pudgy girl is rambling on about all these new rules, which of her friends she didn't have class with, what teachers she didn't like, how the teachers are too hard and - SHUT THE FUCK UP! I look at the counter wheres there's packs upon packs of those ridiculous "Krazy Bands" rubber bands or whatever the hell they are called. Oh Wow... spell them with a "K". Thats really upping the crazy! Then I look over to a wall of "Twilight" school folders. At this exact moment in my mind I uttered, "I hate teenagers." Today was the day I realized I am an old ass man.

...Piss Me Off

2010-09-05T15:10:00.000-07:00

Did you ever wonder what medieval fighting really looked like? I'm watching Centurion right now and it is probably the most violent movie I have ever seen. It's like a more realistic "300". And theres that word, "realistic". Are these ultra fast, high body count, sword mastery, fights and actual depiction... are they truly realistic? Not every one of these soldiers was a master swordsmen who could move about in slow motion. Some of them had to be real kluntz who were wearing armor that was way too heavy for them and swinging a sword that was also too heavy. I could imagine two out of shape guys essentially wearing trash cans around their waists clunking crudely forged swords across their chests. And finally one awkwardly falls over and the other guy walks over and cuts his throat. Thats what "realistic" is. There was no jumping about in slow motion and doing spinning sword slash combos.

Weirdest person I have ever seen

2010-09-05T10:55:00.001-07:00

Teach Tony Danza

2010-08-29T10:50:00.000-07:00

My new favorite show. I want to Mister D.

2010-08-23T18:38:00.000-07:00

2010-08-22T22:21:00.000-07:00

Holy Shit

2010-08-22T17:22:00.000-07:00

Holy to the Shit! That is awesome! It's sort of like Ron Artest jumping into the Detroit crowd but much more gangsta. How many of those spectators had to go home and change their drawers after they saw that bull doing the Lambeau Leap?

F.M.L

2010-08-15T23:39:00.000-07:00

Here is proof that this world is F'ed. This is a snippet from a news story:

Laura Grzyb, 21, came from Tennessee with Katharina Kraus, 16, an exchange student from Germany who spent her first night in the United States driving up to the Jersey Shore for a look at her favorite US export.
"They wanted to know what I wanted to see, and I said, 'Could I go [to the Jersey Shore]?' " Kraus said. "They all seem so nice. In Germany, this is an important show. All the Germans like them."

Fuck me. This is what we are exporting to Germany? In Germany "Jersey Shore" is an important show?! What the hell is not important? As an American this truly embarrasses me. And we wonder why the rest of the world hates us. Picture some African kid with flies all over his face, not having ate in a week, turning on the television and seeing these tanned D-Bags throwing Patron on surgery-enhanced whores. I want to know what Italy thinks about this show.

Again I am not using a photo of the show and giving it free press. Instead I will post a picture of an accurate raptor. Yes; They had feathers. Yes; They can open doors via handle.

Splice

2010-08-15T21:35:00.000-07:00

Theres a new movie coming out called "Vampires Suck" and I literally rather eat my own dick then watch it. It's one of these genre parody movies, like "Epic Movie" and '"Date Movie"... who the FUCK is going out to see these movies and will you please stop.

I was going to post a picture of the movie poster but I refuse to give it any press. Instead you get the image given to kids who didn't show up for the highschool photo.

I saw the movie "Splice" and it probably has scarred me for life. SPOILER ALERT: The female monster thing gets fucked by Adrien Brody and his girlfriend walks in on him... he's all like, "Wait I can explain why I'm fucking this monster that we genetically made." He is cheating on you with a goddamn monster, there is no other way to put it. It is a monster with tits. Then... And I am not making this up... the female monster changes sex to a male and then rapes the female lead. Wait What? And before he does it he mutters something like, "I want to be insiiiide you!" I wish I was making that up. So overall its highly recommended.

Crazy Eyes

2010-08-13T00:48:00.000-07:00

Anyone else ever see this image on the internet? I can't even look at it because it like physically fucking hurts my brain. Thats not even a joke. As I stare at it I can feel brain cells literally being destroyed. What am I looking at here? Kill it with fire.

2010-08-11T22:23:00.000-07:00

Random Thought of the day...

Who's bright idea was it to change the "Washington Bullets" NBA team to the friggin' "Washington Wizards". Really? A fucking wizard. A bunch of black guys running around calling themselves wizards.

Piss Me Off

2010-08-06T20:20:00.000-07:00

Selling used Video Games. This is something that really bothers me. I LOVE buying pre-owned video games. I would buy anything pre-owned if I could. Sell me some pre-owned condoms. Anyway, when you go to sell a game you paid 60 bucks for, the amount they offer you is an absolute joke. I remember being offered 2 bucks for one of my Maddens. I felt like spitting in that geeks face. I was insultated but at the same time I was jones-ing for the cash. I felt like a drug addict about to go run out and buy crack with it. But then again, when am I really ever going to play Madden 2008 in the year 2010? Do I look like a god damn cave-man?!

Power

2010-08-06T09:21:00.001-07:00

If you scroll all the way down to the very bottom of this blog you will see a video called "Civilization" by Marco Brambilla. I saw it and thought it was so amazing that I made it a permanent fixture on this blog. Well apparently I wasn't the only one. Kanye West's new video is done by the same guy and is pretty amazing. Its for his half decent new single called "Power". Check it out.

Ramblins

2010-08-02T22:34:00.000-07:00

It is Mother FUCKING Shark Week Beatrices! Christmas come early c-words... and by c-word I mean "cat enthusiasts". I love how some words are so powerful they become THE word for that letter. Like the f-word.

Obama was on The View.. Wait, What? He claimed to not know who Snooki is. I do not buy it for one second.... or maybe the "Jersey Shore" is a white people thing. Maybe black people dont get it... kind like how white people feel about Tyler Perry.

Speaking of Jersey Shore... the new season SUCKS. The show is no longer a parody as they are self-aware. Its obvious some of the situations are contrived (more so then last season) and that they are being fed lines now. I think 90% of the "Confessionals" stuff is scripted. The Situation and Pauly D need their own travel show, or like a Flavor of Love type thing... "The Flavor of Disease".

Am I going to hell for finding "Intervention" to be one of the funniest shows on television. Allow me to quote Biggie Smalls, "When I die fuck it I want to go to hell, cause I'm a piece of shit it ain't hard to fucking tell." That should have been my yearbook quote. Its kind of weird being stoned while watching "Intervention".

You know whats funny to me... people who are fans of Kelly Clarkson... Fuck me if Z100 does not blow dicks. (or local pop station for non NY'ers) How can those 40 year old DJ's feign interest in Jersey Shore, crazy bands, and the newest Justin Bieber song. FUCK ME! I would lose my soul doing that job. I honestly feel bad for those guys. The one guy calls himself Frat Boy or some shit and he is like 40. I'm not suggesting to do this.. but if someone happened to off one of them it might be considered a mercy killing. And if you think I'm being cruel screw you because they prank call people with some really crazy twisted stuff. These DJ's probably hire Taiwanese Hookers to walk all over them while wearing high heels. Sick People.

If you dont get the pic above then you really need to go watch "30 Rock"s earlier seasons.

Made Up 3

2010-07-31T23:36:00.000-07:00

WITH MAKE-UP

WITHOUT MAKE-UP

Made Up 2

2010-07-31T23:34:00.000-07:00

WITH MAKE-UP

WITHOUT MAKE-UP

Made Up

2010-07-31T23:30:00.000-07:00

WITH MAKE-UP

WITHOUT MAKE-UP

Why this NBA Season will be best ever

2010-07-29T23:37:00.001-07:00

Go this HILARIOUS article from a basketball website that tries to have all this integrity.

"If the Lakers can move Vujacic, sources say that they are going to add Delonte West to the roster.

This move would certainly give the Lakers a way to match up with the Miami Heat and stop LeBron in the case that the two teams do actually end up meeting in the Finals next season.

So the Lakers pick up West, who also happens to be LeBrons mothers lover, or at least has been there so to speak, and what would be a better preventative measure against LeBron than to give his mother a definite mixed emotion come the finals?

Afterall, if LeBron does have any one particular weakness, it would be the man who stole his mother’s heart, or at least her playtime, and that man is former Cavaliers teammate Delonte West."

Make a Baby!

2010-07-28T22:15:00.001-07:00

This is an actual Internet Ad... Maybe you'll get lucky and your kid will look like a possessed Gary Coleman.

Michael Vick trains kids too

2010-07-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

Do The Tom Cruise

2010-07-27T18:46:00.000-07:00

Its the newest dance craze and its actually quite simple.

First off you need a LARGE pair of Aviator sunglasses.... you also MUST be holding a cell phone at ALL TIMES in your right hand.

Next you got to be spastic. You GOTS TO BE.

Now the most important step.... make like you are riding an invisible motorcycle. Now pretend you are still riding that motorcycle but you are doing so while standing up, have no idea which handle is the break or gas, and that you are mildly retarded.

Almost there... now maintain a smug jackass smirk the whole time.

FINAL STEP! Make sure to have Ving Rhames near-by to fan you with his fedora.

Now your doing "The Tom Cruise".

Things that Piss Me Off

2010-07-21T11:44:00.000-07:00

Cologne.

Has anyone EVER got laid because of the cologne they were wearing? what girl smells a guy and is like, "Oh my God, Polo. I should blow this fuck." Nope. And if anyone has EVER gotten laid from Axe Body Spray I will eat my dick. Literally.

The Hustlers who sell Cologne.

You ever play Final Fantasy. You know when your just walking along and then BAM! Suddenly your fighting like 2 dudes. Well thats basically the Queens Center Mall and these Cologne Hustlers. The bombard you and spray you with their cheap counterfit/stolen cologne. They then ask you if it smells good.... How are you suppose to respond? "No it smells like shit". You could spray me with 800 different colognes and I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. My sense of smell is absolutely horrible, the only thing I can smell is New Jersey.

2010-07-21T08:59:00.000-07:00

Mel Gibson

2010-07-20T16:59:00.001-07:00

I've just listened to the new Mel Gibson tape and I am pretty sure he is the antichrist. Im not even kidding. Think about it. In the Bible it states the antichrist will very charismatic and loved by the people (which Mel was), it also states that he will then spread propaganda ("Passion of the Christ") and eventually destroy the world (???)

The Rock

2010-07-19T19:37:00.000-07:00

Finally The Rock is making serious fucking action films again. Him being the "Tooth Fairy" really ached me belly. This guy bleeds charisma and should be the top action star in the U.S.

Lebron James = nWo

2010-07-17T09:14:00.000-07:00

I said it before on the blog, and I guess someone feels the same way. To me it was eerie how a like they were. Life mimics Art.

Mel Gibson in The Shining

2010-07-15T07:20:00.000-07:00

Beastiality Day

2010-07-14T21:21:00.000-07:00

Did I really just read that yesterday was Beastiality Day?

Al Pacino commercial

2010-07-13T20:35:00.000-07:00

Watch this commercial and then tell me you don't want to try that coffee. Mission accomplished. At first Pacino doesn't plug the particular product but coffee in general. Then he simply points to it and says, "this a good coffee." In a way in which you know he is not bullshitting. And Al Pacino looks like a man who knows coffee... His appearance suggests he has not slept in months. No one can argue with me that this commercial is not more entertaining then "Godfather III".

Pisses Me Off

2010-07-13T17:55:00.000-07:00

That is the ACTUAL cover. Holy shit. Every person at Cosmo must be brain dead or everyone just agrees with the higher-ups.... They better be higher if they thought that looked even remotely real. I remember when I first illegally downloaded Photoshop off the internet. My freakish Dr. Frankenstein creations of Burt Reynold's head on Ben Rothlessbergers naked body seemed more realistic. And you have to understand, I might legit be partially retarded.

Now for something that Pisses me Off! Why the fuck does spellcheck tell me that "internet" needs to be capitalized? Is it a god damn country?! I'm usually so blazed when I type this that I stare at the word for a fucking hour trying to figure out where I screwed up. Then I re-type it six times the exact same way. Fuck you Al Gore!

Jordan

2010-07-11T20:43:00.000-07:00

Lebron you are a son. I have eased up withy my Michael Jordan hate and will now admit he was the greatest b-ball player of all time and give him the respect he deserves. I was a bitter Knicks fan and he represented our worst enemy. The single reason we did not have a championship with that score of players. After this whole Lebron James fiasco, I have a new found respect for Jordan and realize just how bad ass he was. There is no more Lebron/Jordan comparisons to be made, and maybe Lebron realized he is not and never will be Jordan. Maybe thats why he went to Miami.... or maybe he is just truly a beyotch. I also have more newfound respect for Kobe Bryant... I alway kind of liked him but now I love him. I really hope he DESTROYS Lebron.

Spike Lee

2010-07-10T10:44:00.000-07:00

Spike Lee comments on Lebron to the Heat. To summarize he says that NBA owners are slave owners, Lebron is going to get murdered, the Knicks aren't scared of the Heat, the MSG crowd will hate Lebron more then Reggie Miller, and that the whole thing was one giant set-up. I agree 100 percent.

Great Quotes

2010-07-09T08:09:00.000-07:00

"Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there."

Dan Gilbert, Owner of Cavaliers, speaking on Lebron James departure

LEBRON JAMES

2010-07-07T15:30:00.000-07:00

Greatest IMD Pages

2010-07-07T15:25:00.000-07:00

Cyrus

2010-07-06T23:32:00.001-07:00

When you read about screenplays or take classes, you will often hear about a story suffering from "Second Act Problems". Well in the case of "Cyrus", you have a story that suffers slightly from "Third Act Problems". Not saying the end is poorly written, it is just very predictable. With that out of the way, the rest of the film is pretty much spot on. You have great acting, unique camerawork, and an amazing score that all blends for a great motion picture. Go see this movie now... I want a lot more comedies like this. Jonah Hill gives a performance so creepy that it hovers around "Norman Bates" territory. 3 out of 4 stars.

One of the worst people on earth...

2010-07-03T08:25:00.001-07:00

M. Night Shallyham is a hack. He is one of the worst directors walking the earth. "The Happening" was probably the worst film I have ever seen... I say "was" because I have not seen "The Last Airbender" yet. Based on the reviews it is receiving, it might take that title.

Now I know a lot of you are thinking, "Sixth Sense was pretty good." Really? Go back and re-watch it. Ray Charles could see that twist ending coming a mile away and he's blind and dead. To make it worse, that whole plot was stolen from an episode of Nickelodeon's "Are You Afraid of the Dark?". HACK!

M. Night's movies are basically really bad 2 hour long "Twilight Zone" episodes. When Night writes a film, he probably comes up with the surprise twist first and writes the film around that. The problem is he is no Hitchcock, and his plants for the twist are so blatantly obvious. Look at "Signs".... the young daughter leaves half empty glasses of water all around the house. Gee... you think that is going to lead to something? Why does she do this? Because the aliens are allergic to water.... Even though they decide to attack a planet that mainly consists of water. And who is the first character in the film wise enough to point out that water might be the weakness? Well it's M. Night himself. And what race of people are the first to defeat the aliens via water? The Indians... and not the cool Native American kind.

That's another problem with M. Night. He is so fucking arrogant. Every film has his name prominently displayed before it like he is Spike Lee or something. The main advertising for "The Happening" was that it was M. Night's first R-rated film. And he always appears in his films as this all knowing character. In "The Lady in the Water", they were looking for the most prolific writer of our generation who will positively change the earth with his teachings. Guess who plays this character? M. Night. What an arrogant prick. But then again I somewhat enjoy watching his films. It is like watching the ultimate train wreck. His awful work is the fuel to my fire of hatred. If he did not come off as so pretentious and arrogant, I would even feel bad for the guy.

Great Quotes

2010-07-02T10:05:00.000-07:00

“I am going to come and burn the fucking house down… but you will blow me first.”

- Mel Gibson

Who is that Italian Man?

2010-07-02T09:53:00.000-07:00

Time for a new game here at the blog... it's called "Who is this Italian Man?"

Who is that Italian man? Look at the schnozz. No it's not DJ Pauly D or any other member of the "Jersey Shore". It is not a screenshot of Luigi from the new "Super Mario" game.

Give up? It is....

Lady Gaga. I wish I was making that up, but sadly I am not.

The Blueprint

2010-07-02T09:07:00.000-07:00

What has happened to me? Has my love for the Knicks really come to an end? Everyday I find myself rooting more and more for the Brooklyn Nets. That Russian owner has a crazy swag, he rolls around with Jay-Z, and the coach is the bad-ass Avery Johnson... what's not to like? Now I just heard that the Knicks management flew to the meeting in a G4 jet thinking they were Joe Cool. Too bad that the Nets arrived in a fucking G5 Jet. Jay-Z also put up a huge Nets billboard that read "Blueprint for Success" with him and the Russian gazillionaire near the Knicks offices. HA HA HA HA! And what did the Knicks do to counteract? They complained to the league. Which team is from New York here? It sure seems like the Nets have captured that New York attitude.

The whole time Lebron was meeting with the Knicks he was probably texting Jay-Z. As soon as Dolan and D'Antoni walked out of the meeting, Lebron and his boys probably burst out laughing. "Yeah... I'm really going to sign with them fuckers. The one is a cripple". Also after the meeting with the Nets, Jay hung around for an extra meeting when everyone left.

The Nets bringing in Jay-Z as owner was one of the most genius moves of all time. If you ask half of these NBA players who they idolize and look up to, I bet the answer would be Jay. Watch in 2 Years.. The Nets are going to be the basketball team in this city. The Knicks are still not be taking serious due to the whole Isiah Thomas era. I will be buying my Brooklyn Nets Lebron James jersey.

However.... what would really be the most ideal situation for me would be to wait a year and for the Knicks to bring in Carmello Anthony and Chris Paul... and somehow if we can get Artest, who represents New York better then anyone else. The Knicks shouldn't have Lebron James... they should have the bruisers and the outcasts and wind up beating Lebron in the playoffs. Basically lets re-create 1994 and cast Lebron as Jordan.

BREAKING NEWS

2010-07-01T12:12:00.000-07:00

FROM RADAR ONLINE:

Mel Gibson told the mother of his love child that the way she was dressed would get her “raped by a pack of n***ers,”Radar Online has learned exclusively.
Mel’s disgusting words are on audio tape.
Radar has heard the tape, which also includes Mel telling Oksana he will burn down her home.
“You’re an embarrassment to me,” Mel tells her at one point.
“You look like a f***ing pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault.”
Mel’s profane outbursts are littered with references to Oksana being a “whore” and “c**t”.
In another tirade, Mel tells Oksana: “How dare you act like such a bitch when I have been so f**king nice.”
He warns, “I am going to come and burn the f**king house down… but you will blow me first.”

Nanny hates the Gays.

2010-06-28T20:28:00.001-07:00

This is an exact word for word conversation I had with my dad today.

ME: Well you know how Nanny is with all her friggin vitamins.

DAD: Yeah. We'll you know her... she's trying to be homophobic.

ME: What?

DAD: Homeopathic.

Genius. You couldn't make this up.

Soccer is Stupid

2010-06-28T06:48:00.000-07:00

Ha Ha its funny cause its true... Soccer is stupid. USA will not have a championship team until the urban youth here in America gets involved. White kids from the suburbs do not win professional sporting championships.

French Commercial

2010-06-27T08:03:00.000-07:00

2010-06-27T07:43:00.000-07:00

Great Stoner Game

2010-06-25T12:01:00.000-07:00

I just thought of this great and easy stoner game you can play with a bunch of friends.

1. Smoke a fat blunt of some great weed. Preferably Haze.

2. Let the high settle in, maybe grab some munchies.

3. Ask one of your friends. "Hey Jim, (friends name) lets pretend for a second. Pretend that you and David (another friend in the room) were chilling in the woods and he got kidnapped or went missing or some shit.(It's important you say it exactly as written) So Say the police come and ask you what he looks like. Give a real description and don't try to be funny."

4. Have him give a description like he would do exactly in that situation, as if he is talking to a real police officer and that friends life rests on this description.

5. Hilarity ensues.

Yes Homo.

2010-06-24T23:06:00.000-07:00

All of us straight men like some things that can be considered gay. (Don't even pretend like you don't) This is a new feature here where I man up and admit to some faggy shit I like. (no offense to the fags... err... homosexuals)

I'm not going to lie... I really like the new Katy Perry song "California Gurls". I originally listened to it thinking it might be a cover of the Beach Boys/ David Lee Roth song. Instead it was a great pop song featuring Snoop Dogg. Then I saw the video and thought the concept was fucking genius. I know its trying to be very sexy but I don't find Katy Perry all that appealing. (She is a less hot version of Zooey Deschenal to me) The sex appeal is not even the reason I like it... its a genius concept. I love this song too cause it has this 80's vibe to it... fuckin' genius bro. So I guess on this I have to call a...

YES HOMO.

Logan (2010) Trailer

2010-06-24T21:56:00.000-07:00

Looks like we might have a new "The Room" coming out here. I am AMPED to see this in the theatres. This trailer served exactly its purpose... I want a ticket.

Lets Break this down shall we..

- At the dinner table when he announces he is making a movie, his father has the same reaction as if he would have announced he was pregnant. My dad acted the same exact way when I said I wanted to get into film.

- "Do you remember that movie we saw?" They are literally standing outside the movie theatre. "Do you remember that we movie we just saw minutes ago?" how could he not fucking remember?! What are they brain dead?

- The teacher told Logan he would give his script to his cousin. Instead of saying yeah and just tossing it aside... a little invention called lying... he comes right out and basically says, "I never thought your dumb ass would actually do it."

- This is the most dramatic piano playing I have ever heard.

- "Has a 13 year old ever made a movie?" What?! No Way! NEVER! You are speaking insanity! How could a 13 year old possibly handle the intricate machinery required for such a feat. I made a shitload of movies when I was 13... they should make a movie about me! Movie!

- Logans parents really couldn't afford a better camera then that? Jesus Christ. What is he Charlie Chaplin? Is he making a silent film?

I have to stop... I could keep on going with this the rest of the night. The fact that this got made is shocking.

Things that Piss Me Off

2010-06-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

2 Things that Piss Me Off...

1. Youtube videos being spoiled by the title. Someone goes, "Dude, you got to check this video out." I turn to the screen and there is the slow build up and then I glance at the title and it reads, "kid flips on bike and cracks open skull." Bam, the video is spoiled. I know exactly where this vid is leading too. No surprise. Imagine if the title of "Sixth Sense" was "Main Character is really dead!!!1!!!!"

2. People with crazy eyes. They should be forced to wear dark sunglasses all the time. How can I look you in the eyes when I talk to you when your are eyes are glancing everywhere. I instinctually glance over to where you are looking to make sure a fucking tiger or something is not running over at us. The whole time I talk to you I'm thinking how fucking crazy your eyes look and hoping I don't have a slip of the tounge. In my head I'm repeadtly saying, "Don't make it noticeable your staring at the eye." Then If I don't maintain eye contact you say I am a rude prick. Fuck you.

USA vs. The Refs

2010-06-23T09:19:00.000-07:00

Wow. What a game. Just a day after soccer bored me to death and it redeems itself. Team USA is BY FAR the most exciting team in the World Cup. A team that gets better later in the game... which is rare.

We can not let this victory stop us from overlooking a huge problem. These refs are as crooked as a dog's hind leg. Wow. If USA lost I was going to boycott the World Cup just like I am boycotting BP. You had another goal taken away for no good reason, and Dempsey getting PUNCHED in the face with no call. He looked like he just came out of the ring with Mike Tyson. Its obvious the rest of the world does not want the USA to be good at soccer.

One other note.... FUCK ALGERIA. They acted like total crybaby dickheads. Did you see them shoving and playing dirty as shit? And the thing that I saw that almost made me brake my television was at the end of the game.... They cut to Bill Clinton celebrating and some bitch cunt whore throws an Algerian flag over his head around his neck. I wish he would have wiped his ass with it... or better yet, rub it on his STD infested cock and then shove that crabs ridden flag down her fucking throat.

Mock Murder

2010-06-23T07:41:00.000-07:00

GREATEST NEWS STORY EVER

Read that and revel in its awesomeness. The principal of a middle school pretended to murder a teacher in front of the students as a lesson. Why did he do this? "to teach Year 8 pupils how to investigate, collect facts and analyse evidence". Wow. The children bugged the fuck out having panic attacks and what not. I WISH my principal would have done this. Now I know your thinking this would traumatize you but you would never forget this and you have the ultimate conversation starter. People should follow this example and do more wacky - see it in the movies- shit. This would make life a whole lot more interesting.

Genius

2010-06-22T22:53:00.001-07:00

I want you to think about something for a minute. There is a professional sports team named the "Toronto Raptors". The logo is a fucking Raptor playing basketball. Right after "Jurassic Park" released this did not seem so crazy, but now? A fucking raptor! Playing god damn basketball! I remember when I was a kid and my two favorite things were basketball and dinosaurs.... Actually those still are my two favorite things... Anyway, I heard a new team was coming into the league and when I finally saw the logo I creamed my pants. That raptor is wearing a jersey and sneakers? And its screaming? Jesus is this awesome. Imagine if scientists found out that raptors didn't actually roar, but instead screamed exactly like gay men. Picture Jurassic Park with the dinosaurs screaming like gay men... I know I have.

Soccer is Un-American

2010-06-22T22:35:00.000-07:00

I was watching the World Cup today and I realized that soccer is B-O-R-I-N-G. I have no interest in the actual sport, what attracts me is the fan fare and the emotion and passion of the fans. The fact that its once every four years makes it seem like must see TV. Will I ever watch soccer that is not World Cup? Hell to the No. Will I watch the World Cup when the U.S. gets eliminated? Probably not. Watching soccer is like watching paint dry. I love that saying... who the fuck watches paint dry? Why? Is it someones job? "I just painted this, make sure it dries and then come and get me." "Man this is fucking boring... not as bad as watching soccer tho."

Watch a game... no one in the stands pays attention. Everyone is drunk off their asses, blowing those horns, singing songs, and fighting. It's only when a goal is scored that the hooligans wake up. I don't know how foreigners can say baseball is boring and soccer is not.

2010-06-20T08:46:00.001-07:00

Chang Han

2010-06-18T23:29:00.000-07:00

So I've been getting these truly weird e-mails I'm assuming are spam or scam. Spam or Scam! This one was one of the oddest... it was from Chang Han and the title read, "Immediate Attention". Hmmmm...

Hello,

I am Chang Han, an attorney at law. My late client of mine, that bears the same last name as yours, died as a result of a heart-related condition in March 12th 2008, leaving behind a deposit valued at 19million dollars.
His heart situation was due to the death of all the members of his family in the tsunami disaster on the 26th December 2004 in Sumatra Indonesia.

Best Regards,
Chang Han.
Email: chang09@myemail.com

Well that sucks. Someone with the last name of Johnston found out every member of his family died from the Tsunami in Indonesia. Why were ALL of the members of his family in Indonesia... "Johnston" is not much of an Indonesian name. Poor guy. So basically I got an e-mail telling me some random person with my last name died, and then Chang Han has the nerve to sign off with "Best Regards". I simply e-mailed him back with this.

Mr. Chang Han it is always a privilege to communicate with you. While your info is pointless, it is very much appreciated.

Best Regards,

"Cactus"

2010-06-18T23:21:00.001-07:00

2010-06-17T08:31:00.000-07:00

I was in the city the other day and I stumbled across a shit load of production vans and some huge catering stands. I asked my friend what they were filming and he claimed it was a live action "Smurfs" movie... the Smurfs take New York City. I thought for sure I was being fucked with. How the hell did this movie get the greenlight? People are seriously on fucking drugs. This is not a good idea and it's already been done.... a little movie called "Avatar". If you have not seen it yet.... don't. I hope this "Smurf" movie also contains a sex scene.. very graphic at that. There is only one Smurf chick in the whole society... if she is not a slut the Smurf race will cease to exist... thats a heavy burden bro. And if there is NOT a scene where these little fucks happen across the "Blue Man Group", then everyone associated with this film should be fired ASAP.

Best Cry Ever Hip Hop Mix

2010-06-07T23:42:00.000-07:00

Box Office - Mamma Duke?!?!

2010-06-07T18:57:00.001-07:00

Shrek Forever After	$25,486,465	$183,229,453
Get Him to the Greek	$17,571,000	$17,571,000
Killers	$15,837,266	$15,837,266
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time	$14,019,131	$59,621,721
Sex and the City 2	$12,344,000	$73,128,000
Marmaduke	$11,599,661	$11,599,661
Iron Man 2	$7,918,708	$291,429,870
Splice	$7,385,000	$7,385,000
Robin Hood	$5,366,000	$94,496,000
Letters to Juliet	$3,036,367	$43,337,836

Theres your box office for the weekend. EWWWWW! Look at that shitty line-up... (I have a feeling "Get Him to the Greek" is a really good film tho.) You have that shit fest "Killers" with Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigel. Heigel seems like a real ice queen, I would cast her as Kate Gosselin in a biopic. What else do we have? Prince of Persia... "The Prince of Persia" starring a white guy. I should make "King of the Blacks" starring a white guy... maybe Sinbad. Then we have Sex and The City 2 starring Sarah Jessica Parker... who also stars in "Marmaduke". Oh wait... thats actually a computer generated dog. Choosing between "Sex and the City 2" and "Marmaduke" is like choosing between AIDS and Cancer. "Sex and the City 2" would obviously be AIDS since it is for the gays. Thank you and goodnight.

Real Ad

2010-06-06T16:16:00.000-07:00

This is an actual real advertisement. When I first read it I assumed it was talking about someone rolling on the pill E. They can't drive cause they are on E. I thought it was odd this ad was promoting drug use, until I finally realized the E stood for empty.

Make Me Old! GO NOW!

2010-06-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

Look at this advertisement. "How old will you look?" Why the picture is that of a "Newsie" from the Depression torn America I do not know. What I do know is this creeper is gonna age into Bilbo Baggins. He's not going to grow at all, just get older in the face... He is going to become Benjamin Button. "Make Me Old!" I can just picture this tiny little kid screaming that at someone. "Make Me Old! GO NOW!" He is demanding and commanding. (Thats got to be a Walt Fraizer line) Who seriously sees that crappy ad and then thinks, "Wow. Look at how accurate that looks! I wonder how I will look old? Will I be a "cougar"? I would love if someone pays to have it done and gets back a picture of a skeleton.... "you will die young".

Gayest Thing Ever

2010-06-03T19:17:00.000-07:00

I saw this ad on TV and almost died. How can ANYONE possibly take this jerk-off device seriously? No one on the shoot realized that it looks like these bodybuilders are about to take a load to the face. The thing should shoot out a semen like substance at your face to let you know when your work-out is done.

McRibbles

2010-06-01T17:13:00.000-07:00

Oh baby look what's coming to McDonalds! I want to literally stick my dick into that "American Pie" style. This is for all you perverts hoping for a new "Flintstones" movie so they would bring the McRib back. Look at that pic... you can almost get a whiff of the aroma... I bet they smell like rape smothered in BBQ sauce.

I've been thinking about killing myself lately... not really but I've been thinking about how I would do it. Why does everyone off themselves in like a small tiny room alone? I would climb to the top of the Empire State building and jump off that motherfucker. If your gonna go out, go out in style. There are so many great tall things in this world perfect for jumping off of.

So Nice, had to Post Twice

2010-05-27T07:57:00.000-07:00

NOTHING EASY! NOTHING EASY! Scream loud and drag out your words!!!! GAME 7!!!!! So B-Ball... what's been going on off the court has been more exciting then the actual playoffs. I still feel there is NO way the Magic come back and actually win this series, and while the Lakers are not last years team they can still beat the Suns. The Suns have to be the overacheivers of the year. It's funny to me how Nash and Nowitzski's careers have been so different since they have been split up. I bet most expected Dirk to be the bigger star, but Nash has proved to be one of the NBA's greatest PG's of all time. He is a true PG, same as Rondo, which makes watching them so much fun. They control the whole tempo of their teams, and when they are on, the team is on. But the real news is Delonte - motorcycle ridin' with the shotgun on the back - West having sex with Lebron James Mother. What a horrible thing. Lebron James mother is not even a MILF, so there was no need for her to be hunted. She looks like Lebron in a wig... it reminds me of Larry Johnson dressing up as Grandmama. Why would Delonte throw his career away for that? BTW, what the hell is Delonte West? Is he white, black, spanish, native american?

Bert & Ernie

2010-05-23T11:17:00.000-07:00

Ernie Hudson is not amused by Yankees fans

Try this at home...

2010-05-21T13:40:00.000-07:00

Its a game called "Liars dice"

"So everyone starts with 5 die. Then first person to bid will say there are X (quantity) number of Y (face value) dice. This goes for EVERYONE's die. Now you either raise the bid, call bluff, or think the number bid was dead-on.

Now, if you call bluff and (say opponent said there are four die with face value of 5 out there as his bid) if there are at least the amount he bid (more is OK) is out there then you lose the die cause he wasn't bluff.

If you chose that the bid was dead-on and there are say more of the die then he bid, you will still lose a die because it's not a dead-on bid.

So, to make it short bluff its OK to under bid, but if you call someone's bid for being dead-on it has to be the EXACT amount the person bid.

It goes and goes until only one person is left.

--think its actually called Declare bid spot-on in actually game."

Pure Genius

2010-05-20T20:43:00.000-07:00

The intro to Growing Pains is the most genius thing I have ever seen. It is reminiscent of Nazi propaganda in its ability to warp the mind into fighting for something.. in this case this family.

Lets Break this down.

Ok... right in the beginning we see the family yelling at each other. This shows they are not your typical family... there is a little dysfunction.. but they aren't angrily yelling, more like "joshing".

Then they strike a normal pose for the camera... they put on the front of the perfect family for society to see.

Then we get this powerful fucking music and shots of every cast member thru different stages of their lives. Right there that makes us feel like we knew and grew up with these people our whole lives. Emotional attachment.

Also right before Mike Camerons name, one of his pictures of his him as a child making a goofy face... right there we know the character has a sense of humor and is the clown.

Then the family dispatches and we have Mike Cameron standing alone hamming it up. Now we know he is the star of the show. He tries to stand like he is the true man of the house, but then goes scampering after his family... showing he still needs them despite how he may act. PURE FUCKING GENIUS!

I can actually go even deeper into what each character is doing at present that says even more about them... this whole thing is probably boring you to tears... The mother is a business suit.. she's an independent working woman. Mike Cameron once again goofing off. The daughter on the phone chatting with her friends, typical teenage girl. The gay son looking like a stand up comedian doing a routine.... SOOOOOO FUCKING GENIUS!

Best moment in NBA Playoffs

2010-05-18T16:39:00.000-07:00

Today is NBA Draft Lottery day

2010-05-18T16:26:00.000-07:00

Harry Caray on CrackerJacks

2010-05-17T16:35:00.000-07:00

Video Gamez!!!!

2010-05-16T20:55:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid I love video games. I would count down the days waiting for certain games to be released. Now a days, I'm a casual gamer at most. I play with myself alone (ha) and never do online gaming because I am revealed as the semi-brain dead ignoramus that I am... The point is.... Hmmm... Oh yeah.. this new game "Red Dead Redemption" (hate the title) is coming out this Tuesday and I'm pretty sure it will be the best game of all time. This game really must be considered a work of art. It is graphically the most impressive game I have seen... The scenery is breathtaking and filled with wildlife. This is a game you buy and don't actually play. You just ride around on the horse going up mountains and fucking shit up.... like Grand Theft Auto but with a horse... and in the wild west. Fuck doing missions. Shoot some bears. Play some poker. Hang some thieves.... just like my real life. You should be able to piss and shit in this game. Walk up to a wall or whatever and just take a leak.... and after a while you are forced to shit and you also have to feed your character. In this game you should also have to take your character to high school and GPA, and then get a boring job. That's why I want in my video game.... I want it to be true escapism.

A picture of me performing my main hobby

WORLDS GREATEST EXCUSE

2010-05-14T18:34:00.001-07:00

What I am about to present to you might be the GREATEST EXCUSE OF ALL TIMES!

KITTY PORN (CLICK)

Shit that pisses me off - Sports Stats

2010-05-14T17:18:00.000-07:00

Lebron wiping away tears as the real "King" of basketball AND 1 Mixtapes his ass

You know what is ruining sports? What is taking away from the mystique of the athlete... the aura... the legend? Stats. Stats and this fantasy sports shit are really taking away from the games. I'm sick of watching a game and being bombarded with all these stupid fucking stats.... "Only once in the history of basketball a guy wearing white sneakers scored 2 consecutive 3 pointers in Game 7 of a series." Who gives a fuck! You know who stats used to be for? Stats used to be for that creepy guy in the ballpark with his radio on and writing down every pitch in his notebook probably filled with doodles of male genitalia. Sports analyst has to be the dumbest job in the world... One guy says "I think the Mets will win", while another argues, "I think the Mets will lose." Imagine turning on the weather channel and having 2 guys arguing over wether it will rain tommorrow and presenting all these "stats" to enforce their argument. When one of these so called analysts makes a right prediction we hear them boast non stop... but they are never called out on all the HORRIBLE predictions they always make.

Lets go a step further... sports radio. Sports radio... especially here in NY, makes me realize the majority of humans are morons. After one loss they want a public execution of team. Then after 2 consecutive wins that team is winning a championship GUARANTEED. Why would ANY athlete want to play in New York besides for the extra money. Put me somewhere warm and tropical where everyone is enjoying life too much to give a fuck about sports... basically Shaq before going to Cleveland.

Now another problem with sports... players jump around from team to team WAY too much. Back in the day... you started with a team, you most likely finished with that team. There is no loyalty anymore to a state or city. You think A-Rod really gives a fuck about NY? Or Jose Reyes? As soon as the season ends they are probably on the first flight out of town. This is where I have to give the Yankees props... and trust me I hate to do that.. the Yankees have always been about homegrown talent from the days of DiMaggio to Jeter and Posada... and now they look like they are continuing the tradition with Cano and Granderson. Thats something I really enjoy... which brings me to Lebron. Lebron.... stay in Cleveland. You were born there.. you are their hero... they dont have much at all... you are Cleveland's whole economy. As a New Yorker we have enough... we have 2 teams in each sport. We got the Yankees, Jets, and possibly the Giants all on the verge of capturing a title....

And you know deep down if Lebron comes to the Knicks and wins the title it will still not be as good as the 94 Knicks Finals run.... even tho they lost. That team embodied the attitude of the city... gritty and willing to fight till the end. What will the Knicks be now? The Lebrons.. besides we all saw last nights game and Lebron James sucks now.

Hey! New York actually agrees with me! Check out the poll at the NY Daily News. The majority of votes are telling Lebron to stay in Cleveland. Yo Lebron! New York dont want ya!

NY DAILY NEWS POLL

LEBRON JAMES SUX!!!!1!!!1!

2010-05-13T20:05:00.001-07:00

For those who saw the Cavaliers game with them getting eliminated... tell me Lebron James did not seem like someone who was being threatened by the mob and being forced to throw the game against his will. He looked frightened on the bench. Then when the game ends he's telling his opponents secrets whispering in their ears, high fiving fans, and then looking like he was going to rip his jersey off and throwing it to the ground in the locker room. The Boston fans chanting "New York Knicks" at Lebron when he was at the free throw line was one of the most bizarre things I've seen in sports. I have seen very few teams quit like this one did. Down by 8 with like 1:30 on the clock and no one is fouling? What?

Mark My words right here.... Putting my guarantee on it...

LEBRON IS GOING TO NEW YORK........

BROOKLYN NEW YORK!

That is the exact way he should announce it at the press confrence.

INTERNET BREAKDOWN: Eli Porter

2010-05-07T01:26:00.000-07:00

Bout time I posted this here... if you haven't noticed I've been pretty much winning the internetz as of late. Theres been some real gems on here as of late. This is a great one filled with so much unintentional comedy it is a little scary... make that very scary. So lets break this summa bitch down...

0:30 - Why is our "host" gently rubbing that guys chest. He does it practically the whole video.

1:13 - His advice to Eli is to stay "walking cripple". This freestyle is for a highschool television show. A highschool television show where they refer to the mentally disabled as "cripples".

2:04 - Look at the guy in the middle

2:10 - If ANYONE can tell me what the hell he says you win my autographed Seal "Kiss From a Rose" single. My guess is, "This nigga soft like a nigga who did gym did the best." If that is indeed what he said then he is a bigger lyrical genius then I thought.

2:56 - "He like Rosie O'Donnell at a bisexual bible shower." I'm assuming he meant bridal, but I heard bible. I'm not sure what exactly he means by this, but I do know it deserves a "Ohhh!" from the audience.

3:09 - "This dude like that, he ran in front of the cat". Oh.

3:41 - My favorite part. So much awesome at one single time. First you have the two guys in the heart holding hands looking like they are on a date. Then you have Eli claiming that he said "freaking". Maybe if freaking was spelt f-u-c-k-i-n-g.

3:48 - Listen to the guy in the yellow polo, "He said a bisexual". After everything you just witnessed, the funniest thing you found was someone uttering the word bisexual. My head would have fucking exploded if I witnessed this live.

3:51 - Listen to the host, "That was great! It HAD to be better then last time." What the hell could have possibly occurred last time?

Genius... Simply Genius

2010-05-07T00:25:00.000-07:00

Kreuger Time

2010-05-06T18:14:00.001-07:00

I thought the new "Nightmare on Elm Street" pretty much kicked ass. It's the first movie of the series where your not rooting for Freddy Kreuger to slaughter those annoying teens. Freddy is a pedophile to the max. Even the biggest Kreuger fan would have to admit this new version is a mother-fucker... He's like Rothlessberger with knives for fingers.

Heres how I feel I greatly improved my experience of this film.... by watching a bootleg cam version of it. It really made it feel like I was watching a film from the 90's. The film was not overly sleek and had this cool grainy look to it.... No HD, no mega special effects. This is what Tarantino tried to achieve with "Grindhouse". I'm pretty certain I would have not nearly enjoyed this movie as much if I had saw it in the theatre. So basically... go see this movie.. no wait.... go watch this movie illegally on a website like ninjavideo.net .

The pic above are the Kreuger Nike kicks I would have been wearing right now if they did not get canned. You can still cop a pair for like 2,000 bucks.

What I REALLY want for Christmas

2010-05-06T17:04:00.000-07:00

What i want for christmas

2010-05-06T17:02:00.000-07:00

Athletes

2010-05-06T08:55:00.000-07:00

Oh great... Lawrence Taylor has just been accused of raping a 15 year old girl in a hotel room. What the hell is going on in pro sports? Maybe he's not guilty... but what the fuck was he doing in a hotel room with a 15 year old girl?! I love people who defend this shit by saying, "He's an athlete, why do you care what he does off the field/court/course?" No... your good at football, you should get a free pass to go rape whoever you want. "Hide your mothers and daughters Big Ben is in town.... and he is now legally allowed to rape!" I'm sorry... if I think someone is a scumbag I can not root for them, even if they are on my team. I loved LT, I'm a huge Giants fan, but fuck him if its true... 15?! What is wrong with these athletes? They have so much trouble getting laid that they have to resort to rape, prostitutes, and children? Tiger Woods must be loving this, it makes him look like a saint. Even Big Ben.... he at least does his raping in bathroom stalls in sleazy bars with women, not in hotel rooms with children. Even if she lied.... you have to check I.D.'s now a days.... your a big star, girls will look at you and see a lawsuit. I don't see anyway what so ever LT can beat this charge...

The only defense I can think of is if LT, who is 51 years old, claims he has dyslexia , and thought he himself was actually 15.... Case closed.

2010-05-05T19:43:00.001-07:00

Oozinator

2010-05-05T12:27:00.000-07:00

Home Shopping Blooper (FUNNY!)

2010-05-05T12:21:00.000-07:00

Pretty much everywhere, it's gonna be hot.

2010-05-05T10:24:00.000-07:00

Minus the Bear- Omni

2010-05-04T23:34:00.000-07:00

"Minus The Bear" just released their new album entitled "Omni". This album is certainly not for everyone, and even some past fans of Minus will hate it. Here is what one scathing review had to say,

"Omni does in fact have the pop and sheen that would make the most anonymous of 1980s corporate rockers proud. But for the most part, the combination of drop-D riffs and antiseptic production conjures a grunge band covering the Police."

What?! I have personally never heard a better review. I absolutely love 80's rock, grunge band's, and the Police. That's basically saying this album throws three of my favorite things into a pot and mixes them up. Where do I sign up? I personally think this album is genius and sexy as hell. I can honestly not stop listening to it and have had many of these songs stuck in my head. It is catchy as hell with enough integrity to not make you embarrassed to listen to it. First you must realize that this album is light funk - pop - sex. I honestly love every track on this record and plan on bumping it for the whole summer. Definitely check it out before buying... some will straight up hate it. This album is honestly one of the sexiest I have ever heard.

My Favorite E-Mail

2010-05-03T10:22:00.000-07:00

Mr. Tomo Sand Nori

Today I received an e-mail from a one "Shawn M. Higgins". The subject read, "Greetings from Japan". As soon as I read Japan I became petrified as any normal American would. What does that country want from me? Who sent this? Where Am I?

I slowly opened the e-mail... this is what it read...

Hello I'm Mr. Tomo Sand Nori of , Tokyo Mitsubishi Bank,Japan.I have a bussiness proposal for you. If intrested Contact me via my secured email: mrtomo2002@w.cn

Now I have been called a lot of things in my lifetime... "Douchebag", "Asshole", "The Male Cunt", but Mr. Tomo Sand Nori is not one of them. What is this "business proposal", is that slang for gay sex? How many people fall for this scam? Can you imagine some white trash trailer park hick fresh off of learning the interwebz getting this e-mail? They think, "Shit.. this must be some rich Jap... this idiot thinks I'm him... I'm do business and make the money!" Then a Kid Rock looking mother fucker shows up claiming to be Mr .Tomo Sand Nori? I enjoy shit like this way more then I should.

Mike Tyson with his pigeons

2010-05-01T10:46:00.000-07:00

Tea with Tyson

2010-05-01T10:35:00.000-07:00

Canadian Game Show

2010-04-28T16:09:00.000-07:00

What in the blue hell is going on in Canada, Eh? These are the freaking game shows they watch? This is beyond uncomfortable. According to this video the name of the game show is "Kisses Just like Mom". What?!