Storytelling 101

I have this character named Ted Zahn (Mr.Zahn unless you have earned the "privilege" to call him Ted. You can also lose this "privilege").... He is an elementary school principal and is basically a dick..... he is also obsessed with the term "LIVESTRONG" and those yellow bracelets.... even going as far as to make it the school's slogan and requiring every student to wear one. When one student is sick in his office, he tells him to man-up and start "living strong".

Through out the story he harasses the lead, threatening to fire him and barking tough guy threats. He is someone who takes his job way too serious, and is really a wanna-be cop stuck as a school principal.

In one of the final scenes he is beat to a inch of his life by one of the likable main characters. This is where i had a problem with the story. This act is suppose to be despicable, but I realized that none of the audience will really give a damn about Mr.Zahn and if something bad happens to him. Mr.Zahn really does not do one good thing through out the whole story. Why should someone care if he gets beat? This is where I came up with a solution...

In one scene Mr.Zahn is lifting weights in his office. When a character is in their "domain" it is a perfect time to flesh out that character. The way the room is decorated is key too telling an audience character traits. If their is a poster on the wall... the content of it can tell you a lot about the owner. In this case I put a picture of Mr.Zahn with his two twin daughters. Originally I have him plead to the character beating him that he has two daughters... now he says nothing while taking the beating. The fact that he says nothing makes his character seem a lot stronger and honorable to me... and the fact that he has a family at home should ignite a bigger emotional response from the audience. You now start to feel bad for this "dick". I still didn't feel I had fleshed this guy out enough.... it is also revealed in a passing comment that his wife died of cancer a year ago....hence the obsession with "Livestrong". The bracelets and slogan provided him the strength to get thru that loss, and he wants to give that to his students. See, the guys not that much of a dick anymore. So now, when that same character beats him to near death, the emotional impact of that act will provoke much stronger emotions.

Thats storytelling 101

Bonus: Heres an exchange I love from the screenplay...

 John is a somewhat uptight, jittery, intellectual elementary school history teacher

 Seb is a laid back, drug abusing, cursing, strip club visiting, high school drop out janitor who is probably on a bender.

SEB

[Explaining how far along he is in the novel "Huck Finn"] 

"Hucks dad beats him and shit and he fakes his own death or something. It reminds me of my dad.... I should've did that."

     

JOHN

What? Fake your own death?

SEB

Yeah....like 2Pac.

 The Maspeth without the Meeeeee! Is like the Bible without the Jeeeeeeez! Simple as that. I took some of my "medicine" tunite cause i wanted to see whats up. Some of the medicine goes in the mouth and other is smoked. If you want to be a writer this is what you do...... Get your "stone" on and then go look in a mirror. Look at your self for the first time. Its not your reflection, the drugs have allowed you to obtain the eyes of the stranger. For the first time you are seeing yourself how others see you. The drugs have made you somewhat delusional and now you can finally witness your own fiery spirit hidden deep in the eyes. That spirit is lost when looking into a mirror. Your eyes dont get transfixed to any one blemish or pimple. This is not you looking at your face, knowing every single knook and crany..... this is a stranger staring at you for the first time. What do you see? Do you see intensity. Eyes that burn and look to conquer the world. A read aura that glows about your face. I could suddenly see what I truly am. I saw the youth that I thought I had lost. I found a young fresh face who's eyes are always burning with intensity and who borders on maniacal. I saw youth, will, drive.....fire. I liked what I saw. I liked it a lot. I want to see that everyday. I'm hungry guys!.... I'm just about starving! I look at my face and I can damn near see the hunger bursting through my skin. A fireball stuck in my brain that is dying to burst free and get shot out of my mouth. I'm ready to eat! I did what needed to be done and got my lips wet.... but now I want the full course! You can't give me a taste and take it away from me. 2009 is the year that I finally eat.... that WE finally eat. I can see the dish being prepared from here... very fancy foods all alligned on the plate... A California Egg Roll, mixed with a South Beach Soft Crab, mixed with some petron.... A  lifestyle I have tasted before.... but I just had small portions.... this time i want the full friggin' course!

I wear my desire like I wear my skin. Its all over me, its all I fucking think about it. Dreaming of the creative..... tinkering out a storyline... adding a character trait... making these characters me... breathing as them.. and observing  every little thing about the inspiration... how they walk, talk, and fart! This next film will be dedicated to my neighborhood. This film will also introduce many strangers to come take a visit to Maspeth, Queens, and get to hang out with this assortment of Screwball characters that form "Seb". Thats what it basically is. A film that brings strangers into my neighborhood through on character. If Maspeth and every citizen could manifest into one human being... it would be "Seb". In this film... the viewer is basically experiencing a documentary of the Town of Maspeth by watching "Seb". "Seb" is more then a documentary... he is a character study of Psychology. So basically I'm making a movie tentatively titled "The Janitor", which contains a documentary on the town of Maspeth wrapped up and disguised as the character called "Seb". Shit... I'm changing the name to Sam... cause Sam backwards is Mas....Mas-peth. So there is my film for Maspeth, even though it doesn't take place there. What else can I ramble about here... I am in rare spirits.

......

"The stunning court papers claim Curry, a married father of three, repeatedly approached chauffeur David Kuchinsky "in the nude," allegedly telling him, "Look at me, Dave, look" and "Come and touch it, Dave."

-New York Post
http://www.nypost.com/seven/01122009/news/regionalnews/knicks_sex_scandal_shock_149861.htm

1.13.09

So the Mets have managed to disappoint me in 2009 already. First off the Yankees unveiled this bad ass new patch to be worn on their jersey sleeves....

See.... It's nice, makes the new stadium look cool, has some thought put into it, and is generally a cool thing. Now for the Mets. The Mets version looks as if some person totally forgot they had to design one and made it up 5 minutes before the unveiling. I forgot to add.... this person is not a graphic designer, nor is he all that familiar with Photoshop. It also resembles the Dominoes Pizza logo...

 

Wow... That sucks. That really sucks. How could someone see that and say, "Yup. Thats it! Thats what were looking for!" Look at it... it's basically nothing... and why do both of them use the same colors? Those colors seem really out of place for the Yanks.

Whats up Baby?

"Whats up Baby?" "How you doing baby?" " Thanks a lot baby!" This is how I talk now. I talk like a pimp for the 70's. I dont know how it happened by I have substituted the word "Boss" with "Baby". "Boss" of course being the obligatory word used when referring to strangers while talking to them. I now refer to everyone,  male or female, as baby. I want to quit it, cause i know it creeps some people out, but I can't break this habit.  The way it is pronounced is not simply "Baby" tho.... its more of a "Babe-aay". I think I'm going to just say hello to people with a big "WHASSUP!" like from those Bud commercials. That is really a fad that needs to come back.... "WHAAAAAAAAAAASUP!"

9.12.09

My neighborhood is fucking bizarre... More specifically Maspeth Avenue is crazy. A while back a kid decapitated his "friend" by slicing him apart with a samurai sword. Yup. A fucking samurai sword... Jesus. You can read about that at this link....

http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/news/2004/06/14/2004-06-14_samurai_slayin__collar_queen.html

Then this morning, I found out this dude got his intestines ripped out a couple of houses down from me. Apparently he got into a fight with his girlfriend and she cut his stomach open with a broken beer bottle, she then proceeded to rip his intestines out. Hey... I'm pissed the Giants lost yesterday too, but c'mon now. The dude managed to live too. He gets what he deserves for dating Hannibal Lecter mixed with Freedy Kreuger and a splash of Jason Vorhees.

Gran Torino

I deemed "The Wrestler" the best movie of 2008.... I stand by that claim, HOWEVER, the most entertaining film of 2008 is "Gran Torino". Or is that 2009? Whatever, it is one of my favorite films of all time... period. While watching it, there was not one second where I wasn't completely engrossed. The story is simple, and somewhat cliche, and might not be as deep as some want, but this film has so much damn heart. This film runs on heart and by the end you will be teary eyed, no matter how tough you think you are. This is a film that needed to come out. It should be required viewing for anyone under the age of 25. This film will teach you the true meaning of being a bad ass. Being a gang member wearing bandannas and flashing guns is not bad ass. This film also brings racism right to the forefront.... a topic no one wants to touch on. There are numerous funny racist jokes through out, which you will feel bad for laughing at, but in the end it shows the combining of two cultures. And the best part is Eastwood befriends a different race at the end, but his character is not pussified. He still says all his outrageous things, he just shows a little crack in his hard exterior shell. Eastwoods character is not a true "racist". He's all bark and no bite. This is like a lot of people I know. They might claim to dislike blacks and Asians and what not, and tell racist jokes, but they are not truly racist at all. They will be friendly and talk with any different race around.... they talk this way because I guess it was around them from their elders.

Let me speak on racism quick. I find stereotypes to be basically true for the most part. At the least the stereotypes that aren't just hateful and spiteful. Blacks are good athletes and Asians are smart. I've seen this numerous times, its true. I don't know why black people are offended by stereotypes.... your a great athlete and have a big dick.. thats an awesome rep to have. I know the others around too like blacks are lazy and all that, but I'm white and probably the most lazy person on earth....  so that stereotype is false. Another is that Asians can't drive, well that... wait.... that is true. The point is this... you should be proud of what makes you different. As a white person there is really no such thing as white pride. Instead, we take pride in our nationalities... like being Italian or Irish or whatever. I'm a mutt so I don't have this either. I wish I had a strong culture to be proud of... I guess I just have to rep America. Being racist is dumb and makes no sense. Our differences are what makes this country great. You might think you want everyone to be like you... but if you truly had that, you would realize how much it sucks. Except other cultures... embrace other cultures... experience other cultures... just don't try to BE another culture.... one of my favorite parts of "Torino" is when Clint chews out a wigger.

And let me add one other opinion... albeit a tad controversial. I think the evolution of the word "nigger" is one of the most genius things I have ever seen. You have a hateful word invented by the white man to put down and de-humanize black people. What do the black people do? They take the word as their own and de-venomnize it. Then... as the times change and some whites actually want to be black, they make the word their own 100 percent and it becomes offensive for whites to say it, but ok for them to say it. Genius. And the fact that many white people just can't let them have one word, pisses me off. If you are white do not say the word "nigga". I know you might listen to rap and what not, and you might have black friends who let you say it, but just don't. Don't. It sounds so ignorant and embarrasses me as a white person. That word is theirs, they earned it for the bullshit the race had to go through. However, as bad as blacks had it... Native Americans had it much worse and got fucked a lot harder. I really want to see Native Americans become embraced and respected more, but as a people they seem to passive and quiet.  The Native American culture is pretty awesome, and spiritually on an entirely different level. These were very intelligent people who had a respect and love for life, that is badly lacking in todays world. A big part of me wants to live in the woods as a Native American and smoke from a huge pipe and talk to spirits and shit. And you know what pisses me off... when people call them "Indians". Its so fucking dumb... the only reason they are called Indians is because of that dumb fuck Christopher Columbus thinking he was in India. I love finding out the truth about Columbus and how he was such a dumb dickhead. Columbus actually only landed in the Carribean Islands and took many Native Americans as slaves. Thats all he viewed them as, even though they were very generous and accommodating to him. Fuck Christopher Columbus. I can not believe we still celebrate that racist holiday. I would honestly vote for the removal of that day as a holiday.

1.11.09

I'm watching the Giants take on the Eagles in a playoff game right now, and I must say, I'm not feeling as excited as I should. This has been the story of the NFL season this year. I never really go into it. I think in part because last year was so good I couldn't have scripted a better season. This time last year we were playing the Cowboys in Dallas and I was partying in a house full of people. Today I'm in my house alone watching an early 1 o clock game, and I have this feeling we are going to lose. I think this season will be remembered for the Giants as the season Plaxico shot himself in the leg. If the Giants lose this game, I will have zero interest in the rest of these playoffs. The Arizona Cardinals?! C'mon now. Do you realize the Super Bowl can be the Cardinals vs. an LT less Chargers? I couldn't predict a more boring crappy Super Bowl. None of the stars are left in the playoffs this year.... No Peyton, No Brady, No Favre, No T.O., No Romo, No LT, No Moss. Not much of anyone good. Instead this year, we might be treated to rookie QB Joe Flacco versus born again Christian, Kurt Warner. Wow... compelling stuff there. Not quite as good as a raging underdog Giants team led by Strahan in his final year going against the undefeated cheating villains of the league Patriots in the Super Bowl. Last year we beat the Cowboys in Dallas at the last second, intercepted Favre in OT in one of the coldest games ever in Green Bay, and beat the undefeated Patriots in the Super Bowl including one of the most amazing plays of ALL time. How can any sequel live up to that?

A sports league thrives when the big market teams are winning. Baseball thrives when Boston and the Yankees are on top, not the Tampa Rays. This is why basketball had a resurgence with Boston versus the Lakers in the championship. This is why I think these leagues are better without so many god damn teams. Why does the NBA have a team in Toronto? These expansion teams hurt the league. No one cares about them, even their hometowns. And when they win... they are met with apathy and poor television ratings. This overabundance also takes away from the true essence of sports... rivalries. Rivalries are what draws college sports ratings so high. Basketball used to thrive on rivalries. Magic/Bird, Miller/Knicks, Jordan and just about everyone. You don't really have this anymore... the only professional sport that still pushes rivalries is football. These leagues are so concerned with neutering their athletes, and present "positive" images they are destroying the drama. Not everyone can be a good guy... every great story has a villain. This is why last years Super Bowl was the highest rated of all time.... the Patriots fit into the role of villain better then anyone I've ever seen. Its much harder to get someone to tune in and root for a team they don't necessarily care for, then it is to get them to root against a common villain. Villains are what sell tickets.. in order for a great hero, you need an equally "great" bad guy. Everyone outside of New England was rooting against the Patriots. It wasn't so much they liked the Giants... it was just a unified hatred against the cheating stoic emotionless Patriots.

1.9.09

While watching the Eagles game against the Vikings last week (ugly game), I somehow managed to stumble across a cool little website. I'm not really sure how, as I was under the influence of drugs and in a delusional state. My memory is a little hazy here and I can be off, but this is what I do remember.

The site is.....

www.AirPlay.com

and what it basically is is this: You watch a NFL game live on your TV and play along on the computer. Before every play you have to choose between a pass or a run. You then choose which player will get the run or receive the pass. With passing you have to choose on the length. You are then awarded points and there is a leaderboard and you can win prizes or some shit. Like I said, I stumbeled upon this towards the end of the game, but I think I'm going to check it out again for this weekends games. CHECK IT OUT!

NFL Playoffs

Heres my playoff predictions Beatrice!

Giants vs. Eagles - Both offenses are suspect. McNabb and the Eagles offense didn't exactly look great against the Vikings and the Giants are showing how much they miss Plax by not scoring in the red zone. This is going to be a defensive war and a ground and pound run game. Westbrook vs. Jacobs. And thats why the Giants win, because its not just Jacobs who has to carry all the weight, he has Derrick Ward. Who does Westbrook have? This will be a close one but I'm going with the G-Men.

Steelers vs. Chargers - Steelers are the best team in the NFL. And even if Ben is hurt, the offense have looked slightly better with Leftwich. It doesn't matter, the Steelers are all defense and they are going to destroy the Chargers offense. Don't expect Sprules to be a hero again in this one... this aint the Colts D. Expect a lot of fumbles and into from the Chargers. I'm going with the Steelers by 10.

Panthers vs. Cardinals - SNORE! The bore of the week right here. The Cardinals don't deserve to be in the playoffs and hopefully the overhyped Carolina will beat the Boldin-less birds. Expect a high score on this one and the Panthers to win by a good margin. Lets say 14.

Ravens vs. Titans - Game of the week. If you like hard hitting football this will be for you. This will be nothing short of a war with both teams destroying each other. This is going to be a very good, low scoring, brutal game. Back and forth battle of field goals. However, I'm going to go with the Ravens by 3 points.

12.7.09

I just saw the trailer for this awesome new movie. It's called "Bermuda Triangle" and it stars Brendan Fraiser. Brendan plays a sailor whose ship gets thrown off course and right into the middle of the Bermuda Triangle. A pterodactyl comes flying up from the water and swoops Brendan (his name in the film too) off the boat. It then flies directly into the bottom of the ocean. What he finds is the lost city of Atlantis and is befriended by Emilia Earhart (who crashed down there years ago, but for some reason has not aged). The city is overrun by a being of light who crash landed onto Earth on a meteor. This being's sole purpose is to mess with the natural order of the universe. He kind of looks like the silver surfer but made of light. It has been sucking down boats and aircrafts and placing the pieces together to form one gigantic robot. The robot will then be used to destroy the planet earth. The Atlantians (who have now morphed into mermaids) are under the spell of this being , due to the hypnotic song of a magical flute made of coral that It wields. Brendan and Emilia try to devise a plan to stop this creature. While this is happening, the "Behemoth" is getting ready for its voyage sail. The Behemoth is the worlds largest ship and is designed by the great great great great grandson of the maker of the Titantic. He hopes to restore his families name and will sail right through the Bermuda Triangle. The light being gets word of this and nows that a ship this large is all he needs to complete his robot. Will Brendan and Emilia stop the light being's plan before the Behemoth comes into his path? I just hope this film isn't boring....

12.5.08

Why do the Chinese love bootlegging so much? Its like they are born to sell counterfeit shit. They teach them English over there and the only thing they learn is "CD-DVD?". Well look up here... its some new stores opened up in a Chinese mall... wait a sec?! Thats not McDonalds! It reminds me of "Coming to America", when Eddie Murphy works in the restaurant called McDowells. Speaking of which, that movie is a classic. That is the sort of movie I wish I was able to quote word for word. "Pizza...Huh?"

NFL WILDCARD

What is in the water in San Diego? Whatever it is, all I know is that the Chargers produce some of the best running backs. LT is great (although on a decline), Michael Turner is proving he too is the real deal on Atlanta, and now say hello to the newest and possibly brightest star, Darren Sproles. Watching this 5 foot 6 mighty mouse plow thru defenders like a mini Brandon Jacobs is a blast. He pops out of the backfield like he is being shot out of a rocket, and jukes and turns at amazing paces. Based on this one performance, he is my favorite RB to watch play along with Peterson and Jacobs. This guy is going to be a star in this league... let the bidding wars begin on him as he becomes a free agent after this. Chargers are scary right now.... reminding me of the Giants last year. You have to realize this, the last 4 games have just about been playoff games for the Chargers.... must win games. And Rivers, like him or not, seems to be one of the most competive guys in the league. Will Rivers join Rothlessberger and Eli in that elite class of QB's from that draft to win the big one? The Chargers look real hungry, with young unknowns stepping up and making the plays when it counts (just like the Giants last year). The Colts were becoming a favorite to win the AFC... Now I got to say its the Steelers. I think this Chargers team can beat the Titans and give Pittsburgh a run for its money.

I must admit however, I LOVE the Chargers theme song... it is the most tacky disco anthem I have ever heard. It might also be the most god damn catchy song of all the times.

The Cardinals are a fair weather team. They are going to be devoured by either the Giants or the Panthers. If the Falcons could've established some sort of run game, they would have won. I'm convinced Matt Ryan is the real deal and will be a star in this league for a while. Sure he had his rookie mistakes, but overall he put together some really good drives. No one will be talking about this game, and the Chargers look to remain the talk of the league unless something amazing happens tomorrow.

Heres my picks for tomm.... Vikings manage to stop Westbrook and force McNabb to the air. McNabb makes some costly errors and the Vikings pull of a last second victory. Vikings by 3.

The Ravens defense is simply too much and they take a commanding lead on the dolphins ending the cindarella story. I say Ravens by 10.

1.02.09

"Lets get the fuck out this country mother fucker!" the quote of 2008

1.02.09

Ok I'm posting all my favorite videos of the year... amazing. That is all that can be said about this video.

1.02.09

We going fucking Youtube crazy tunite Beatrice! And if you look at the post title, we've also apparently jumped one year into the future. I've actually seen this commercial a lot when I'm cutting class and watching morning talk shows. There is a diamond in the rough here.. boost it up to about 1 minute in. This guy can hear how the ladies think he's so cute, but what happens if they approach him. "Whats that in your ear?" "Oh that... its just my device so I can discreetly listen to other peoples conversations." They should make this commercial real, where the person with the device hears what people are really saying like, "What the fuck is in is ear?" and "Theres that sexual deviant, never knowing how to mind his fuckin' business."

If you see anyone wearing this device, I DEMAND that you walk up to them and scream as loud as humanly possibly right into this machine.

1.1.08

Wow... My God, I have to start watching QVC. This guy is batshit crazy, and tells one of the most incoherrent stories of all the times. Its so out there I really feel it was suppose to be intentionally funny. Why was he opening a can that had a rat on the top of it? Huh? The end is a little odd when he says "there would be blood everywhere", but I'm still thinking this guy is legit and this is not a prank.

1.01.08

Oh man... heres another great blooper too... this guy looks like he breaks his back.

1.1.08

Yeah... real good fucking ladder. Who would want to buy that piece of shit now?

12.29.08

People who know me know I'm ALWAYS talking about deep sea creatures, or as I like to call them....lifes true aliens.

The fact of the matter is that there are fucken monsters in the depths of the abyss. Simple as that, there are monsters down there that will cause you to vomit just by thinking about them. Creatures that ignore logic in their design, and that can confuse the human mind into schizophrenia trying to make sense of the visual.

Up above is another one, one of the oddest creatures I have seen yet. It looks like a bizaaro crystal chandelier floating in space. I often times imagine space creatures to be similar to those found in the deepest parts of the ocean. I can picture a giant version of that thing drifting about in space, landing on planets only to feed.

12.28.08

I was just doing some research... I'm always researching on the internet... I swear to God, I think I have learned more from the internet then school. And speaking of God that's what I happen to be researching. I have recently become obsessed with the Bible and the stories. I take that back... I'm mainly only researching stories from the Old Testament. People don't realize how crazy the OT truly is... The New Testament is boring and all love dovey crap, the OT reads like Greek mythology and God has a higher body count then John Rambo. There was even this religious sect that believed that the "God" in the old testament was actually Satan impersonating him. God is turning motherfuckers to stone, drowning mad heads, you name it. Its shocking that his son Jesus was such a wuss. Jesus being God's son is like Ray Lewis having Perez Hilton as his son. But I was getting info on the story of Cain and Able, you know the one... Cain and Able were brothers and Cain got jealous of Able and killed him. As a punishment God forced him to wander the earth forver. So I saw this little blurb about it and thought it would make an amazing film....


"Though variations on these traditions were strong in medieval times, with several claims of sightings being reported, they have generally gone out of favour. Nevertheless, the Wandering Cain theme has appeared in Mormon folklore (but not scripture)—a second-hand account relates that an early Mormon leader, David W. Patten, encountered a very tall, hairy, dark-skinned man in Tennessee who said that he was Cain. The account states that Cain had earnestly sought death but was denied it, and that his mission was to destroy the souls of men.[46][47] The recollection of Patten's story is quoted in Spencer W. Kimball's The Miracle of Forgiveness, a popular book within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."

Isn't that an awesome idea for a film? Cain still wanders the earth and only wants to die, but knows he can't, so he destroys others people lives. I and I even like the idea of setting it in Tennessee, in a very small rural town. The only negative about it is when I'm imaging this film I keep envisioning "No Country For Old Men". I still this can make a great serious Drama or be dumbed down for a Horror/Thriller. I just feel there is money behind this idea. No one take it, I still mite use it one day.

The Best Of G.I.JOE (Dubbed Voices)

Turkish Star Wars Training Montage

Super Mario: The Movie

INT. MARIOS APARTMENT - DAY

The clock reads three fifteen in the afternoon. Clothes ares thrown about haphazzardly and empty pizza boxes and chicken buckets litter the room.

Mario lays on the couch snorring loudly, looking far from "Super". His overalls covered with chunks of dry throw up. 

RING! RING!

The phone rips Mario out of his sleep, and he reaches under some beer cans and grabs the phone.

MARIO

Hello?

LUIGI

MARIO! Its a the Princess! She has been a taken by the Koopa!

MARIO

Fuck... again?! Every fucking week with this one!

(beat)

 I can't deal with this shit right now.

LUIGI

Yous'e a got to save her!

MARIO

Give me a god damn minute to at least get ready.

LUIGI

Oh a Mario.... can I borrow a twenty dollars for  a some groceries?

MARIO

No. Cause I know your not gonna buy groceries with it.... your gonna spend it on your Newport Lights.

LUIGI

I a quit!

MARIO

Don't give me bullshit! I gotta go get ready to save this idiot...Bye.

Mario hangs up the phone and drops his head into his hands rubbing the top of his skull.

He checks the pizza box and finds a piece of crust and eats it.

He stares at the time on the clock, then stares off into space deep in thought.

He lays back down on the couch.

Mario snores loudly.

12.27.08

Virgin Mary and Joesph (a carpenter) have given birth to Jesus on December 25..... 2008. This is a true story... What do you have to say now Jews?! Huh Jews?!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7800822.stm

12.26.08

Here are two more amazing album covers.

12.25.08

"The Yankees have the highest-paid first basemen, the highest-paid third basemen, the highest-paid shortstop, the highest-paid catcher, the highest-paid starting pitcher and the highest-paid reliever in the history of the game."

-ESPN

"Rooting for the Yankees is like going to a casino and rooting for the house to win." I honestly can not even think about the Yankees without feeling the most extreme anger. What they are doing with their current spending spree represents a lot more then baseball. It represents American capitalism, it represents that spoiled kid in school who always one upped everyone else with materialistic goods, they represent that douchebag who spends 24 hours a day on his car and has pics of it on his MySpace. If you are a Yankee fan, then you are a spoiled brat. "WAHHH WAHH! Daddy I want the playoffs! Give me the playoffs!" Then old Daddy Steinbrenner goes out and spends all the money to shut your big mouth up. Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for Goliath over David. This might be a sick thing of me, but when someone says they love the Yankees spending so much and they don't care how they win, I honestly lose a bunch of respect for them. This current Yankees team is the worst villian in all of sports, even beating out last years Patriots. Its sad, because the Yankees used to have personality. The late 70's teams were bad ass wildmen, and everyone loved the 96 Yankees. Look at this current team... Hank Steinbrenner is proving to be much worse then his father, and the yanks showed a lot of respect to Joe Torre... the most respected man quite possibly every in the orginization. Yup.... more then Ruth and Mantle... who people loved but recognized as drunks and womanizers... and DiMaggio was apparently a dickhead off the field. What have you ever heard said negatively about Joe Torre? This year I will be rooting for the Tampa Bay Rays and even the Red Sox to an extent. My hate for the Yankees far surprasses my love for the Mets . I'd rather see the Yankees NOT make the playoffs then the Mets make it. The Rays defeating this current Yankees team will be one of the greatest American victories of all time, comparable to the Revolution... how can you root for a team that single handedly is about the bring forth a salary cap? And the fact that their doing all this during a Recession, when people are struggling to provide for their families, is a slap in the face of every American citizen. I am honestly contemplating not watching another MLB game until a salary cap is in place.

X-Ass!

Its X-Mas! Time to watch Jean Claude Van Damme movies. Starting this year it will be my new tradition, to watch Van Damme movies all day.  I just rewatched the film "Kickboxer". This is probably the funniest film of all time... honestly. To me this and Nicholas Cages "Wicker Man" are running neck and neck. The acting in those films is so god awful it makes porn actors look like they deserve the Oscar. Go out and watch "Kickboxer" ASAP!

Your dick bleeding?

Last night I was painting. When I'm panting you know X-Mas is approaching, because many a person will get a painting for a gift. So I'm painting and I got some red paint on my my leg. (I paint wildly and violently) So I go to bed that night, and while tossing and turning, I smeared some red paint on my bed sheets. So when I got home today, my dad obviously seeing the paint, asked me, "Your dick bleeding?" No.... I'm actually lying, it was just my dick bleeding again. No truthfully tho... it was paint.

12.22.08

This is the greatest thing SNL has ever done.

The Wrestler

"The Wrestler" is the top movie of 2008. Hell, it might even be in my top 10 of all time... it's that good.  This films tops all the rest by leaps and bounds, topping right above "Burn After Reading For Me". And for those "Dark Knight" groupies, I think that film is average and that "Iron Man" is the better superhero movie. Lets get to the "Wrestler" movie.

The movie has some similarities to "Rocky" and a story similar to "Rocky Balboa", just take out many of the feel good moments. This film is gritty and real. Even the picture is drained and far from vibrate... it kind of feels like watching a movie on VHS. The pacing is a throwback to classic films of the 70's, and isn't coked up like today's standards. The film is sad, but there are some really funny comedic moments. The comedy is similar to that that Rocky provides. Most of the comedy is the fact that Mickey Rourke is out of touch with today's society and the whole ridiculousness of the professional wrestling industry. But the comedic relief is necessary, because you don't want a film that takes itself too serious. I was laughing out loud really hard at some points. The cinematography is amazing, utilizing handheld work to give it a more authentic feel. The camera tends to follow behind Mickey Rourke a lot, putting us more in his shoes and adding more impact to the close-ups of beaten face.

Now I read some negative reviews to see what people could possibly not like about this film. The main problem they have is that the film is too realistic, and doesn't pull no punches or cut the camera away. When Rourke is getting staples pulled out of his back, you will see it in all its gory detail. Just like real life, you have to deal with it....the camera doesn't cut away last second for your benefit, just like life often times does not do things for your benefit. This film also might have one of the goriest scenes I have ever seen.... Not to give it away, but it takes place while Rourke is working in a deli. They also say the nudity from Marisa Tomei is excessive. She's a stripper. They tend to be naked a lot.

To find faults in this film one really has to nitpick. I honestly can't think of anything wrong with it. Mick Foley, a professional wrestler, wrote a review of it, and he said it was a perfect rendition of the wrestling world after the glory. I recommend to this movie to anyone, and then I recommend you go out and rent the documentary, "Beyond The Mat". A lot of Mickey Rourke's character comes from the Jake "The Snake" segments in that film. Go out and see this one now.

Top News Stories of 2008

http://www.asylum.com/2008/05/27/mechaphiliac-admits-to-having-sex-with-1-000-cars/


What? This guy is not attracted to humans anymore.. only cars. He has had sex with 1,000 cars. Huh? How do you have sex with a car? Do you stick your dick in the gas tank?



http://www.khou.com/topstories/stories/khou080508_tj_pothead.df5885e1.html

Here's another story that's not short on crazy. Some teenagers dug out the corpse of a 11 year old child and converted the skull into a bong. Nice.



http://gawker.com/5030531/dead-monster-washes-ashore-in-montauk

Then there was this... jeez, what the fuck is that?! This monster that washed up on a beach in Montauk. Thank god its dead whatever it is. Too ugly to live.



http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory?id=4984659

Then there's this guy who plowed his car into a bicycle race. The pic in the article is one of the coolest photos of the year.



http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/topstories/news-article.aspx?storyid=115369&catid=15

Then this idiot who called 911 twice because Subway wasn't making his sandwiches right.




http://guanabee.com/2008/09/woman-dressed-as-cow-makes-bes.php

Heres a huge black woman who pissed on her neighbors porch while dressed as a cow... complete with an amazing mugshot.

Iron Sheik VS Fake King Kong Bundy

amazing too

Iron Sheik Uses Beer Bottle to Humble!

amazing

12.18.08

I love this friggin video.... theres something eerie about the footage used, the lyrics, and the melody. The quick flashes of the smiling Cobain's is odd too. I have had this recent obsession with Kurt Cobain, watching tons of footage and and reading info about him. Its like i never realized the aura this man had until just now. I also feel that a lot of Heath Ledgers character draws a lot of inspiration from Kurt. I read that Heath said Johnny Rotten was his inspirational source, but I see much more Cobain.... another film character inspired by him...  especially in the looks department is Tyler Durden... look at the pics above... anyone else see it?

Also saw "The Wrestler". Don't walk.... RUN to go see it. I'm listing it as my film of 2008 right now... but i got to think that over before I finalize that claim. I'll have a full review soon.

Great Album Covers

MOST EXPLICIT RAP SONG EVER!!!

I have finally found it! I have found the most vile, dirtiest, explicit rap song of all time. I have been searching a long time to find this... leading to many a DMX song... but here it is... I present to you Plies "Get You Wet". These are lyrics that would




Here are the lyrics to the second verse; the most vile in all of rap.

HOOK:
Bet if i suck on dat pussy *bet* dat'll get you wet
An rub my hand on dat clit *bet* dat'll get you wet
And rub my tounge down ya neck *bet* dat'll get you wet
Bet if i suck on dem tities bet dat'll get you wet

VERSE:
if i can't hear dat pussy smackin' it ain't wet enough
need to be able to hear it when i got you in a buck
need to see that pink shinnin when i open her up
pussy full of juices nigga hittin nuthin but guts
gotta be able to get you leekin before i fuck
and got to get you off first before i neven nut
i love ta run down on a broad dat got a soaker super wet pussy
you can hear it when you stroke her,
nigga whole stomach be wet
when it's over had to throw away my sheets cuz she left a puddle
Wet pussy wit no smell a muthafucka
Pussy so wet feel like she pissed on her self
pussy already drippin she aint need my help
gotta fuck her on da floor she leek everywhere
You can nut and go to sleep i don't even care
a street nigga wet pussy good for his health


Oh my lord! We got some real Blood Diamonds in there...
"Need to see that pink shinnin when I open her up"
"Pussy full of juices nigga hittin nuthin but nut."

"Wet pussy wit no smell a muthafucka." Thats funny, cause that was exactly my yearbook quote.
That bitch got that wet super soaker pussy!

Video Games

I must say... I am officially a "gamer" again. Growing up a product of the mid-80's, Nintendo and Mario were a huge part of my life. I had Nintendo early on and mastered ever Mario brothers, I had Mario products and used to watch Lou Albano's rendition daily. Then came Super Nintendo.... So many great games for this... and I was a Nintendo loyalist... No Sega products in my house. SNES provided me with some great times, and my loyalty to Ninendo was going to continue to Nintendo 64. At this time some of my friends were getting Playstations. I remember playing such games as Twisted Metal and Crash Bandicoot and thinking how awesome they were, but I still waited for my N64. Finally I got N64 and Mario 64 kicked my ass, but then there was nothing. After that, no other game really grabbed my attention and I finally gave in and bought a Playstation. Playstation was a wonderful system defined for me by Castlevania, Twisted Metal 2, and of course... Final Fantasy 7. Thinking back on it now, Playstation was probably the best gaming system of all time. The next system I bought was Playstation 2. I had some fun with it, but overall it wasn't that great. Definetly not as good as Playstation and I decided I had enough of Sony and gaming in general. I basically stopped playing video games entirely as my PS2 gathered dust. I had no interest in XBOX and honestly have probably only played it twice in life. PS3 and XBOX 360 were coming and I could care less... but then I saw this thing called the Nintendo Wii. The controller looks like a TV remote, and its cheap! So i bought a Wii and played my Wii tennis and deemed this the future of gaming... even my dad  would play Wii and he HATES video games. As good as Wii is, it is intended for a group, and I got bored with it and found myself not playing video games again. So about 2 months ago on a whim I bought a used XBox 360 for 200 bucks. Wow. 3 games in and this is already in running for one of my favorite systems of all time. I hardly ever beat a video game... I usually get to the last boss and just quit for whatever reason... but I beat all 3 of these games. When I finish these games I put the controller down and have the same feeling as when I just finished watching a great movie... I go to message boards and read theories on the story and the characters, the same thing I do after a great film. The line between movies and video games is becoming very blurred. Here are 3 amazing games for XBox 360 everyone must play....

Dead Space - This is one of the scariest things I have ever dealt with. I grew up watching Freddy Kreuger, and it is damn near impossible for me to be freightend by a movie. However... I find video games to be much better at scaring you. The main reason is because you are in control. When you watch a horror movie, you find yourself more angry and frusturated at how dumb the character is. In the video game, you have no one to blame for a death besides yourself. Play this game in the dark, and i don't care how tough you think you are, you will be scared. There was one point where this game got so horrifying that I literally almost put the controller down and said "Fuck This". If you are a fan of the horror genre, this is an experience you must partake in.

Dead Rising - I love Dawn of the Dead. It has this campiness about it and I love how it pokes fun at consumerism by using zombies... Fuck, I love anything with zombies. This game is Dawn of the Dead. You are in a mall... you can use any item for any store.. you can even shop for clothing. This game is one of the most fun games just to run around and play. There is so much going on and no one is telling you where to go and when. You can essentially leave the game running for a day and "beat" it. Its up to you if you are going to hunt down survivors, or do the missions and eventually wind up fighting the military. Now besides for the zombies, you also have to deal with psychopaths, evil clowns, rapist female lesbian cops, a cult, and gang members. And another thing I love about this game, is for whatever reason... it oozes 80's style. 

Gears of War 2 - Fuck me. Playing this game is like shoving steroids in your ass. Playing this game is like double teaming the Statue of Liberty with Chuck Norris, while Barry Bonds injects steroids in your ass, while your watching all of the Rocky and Rambo movies. This game is the bad assness of every machismo 90's action movie crammed onto a disc and amplified by 10. Playing this game will put hair on your chest.

12.10.08

Someone managed to take a video of me dancing in a club in Vietnam.... oh and I kick some guys asses too.

The Shining

Heres the trailer for this new movie called "The Shining". I dont know... this one doesn't look too good... looks very formulaic and boring.

12.8.08

"MLK Jr. KILLED BY SNIPER!!!"

Heres the most absurd moment of this week.. possibly the month. I'm in class today and a couple of people are giving final presentations.  This one guy goes up to the podium with this mysterious box, which he says will be revealed later, and gives a speech on the Civil Rights Movement. He then opens up the box to reveal a vintage actual copy of the NY Daily News the day after Martin Luther King Jr. was killed. It shows a picture of his face and reads, "MLK JR. KILLED BY SNIPER!"  So now here is where it gets unintentionally funny. He then says that he wants to get a class photo with all of us posing with the paper. So the whole class gathers around and the teacher holds up the paper with a huge smile like Truman after winning the war. We all stand around with smiles from ear to ear and thumbs way the fuck up. No one thinks nothing of it until one guy says, "I felt a little uncomfortable posing with that paper." Then it dawned on me we took part in one of the most unintentional racist photos ever. I imagine many a Klu Klux Klan member posed for the exact same photo the day after the assasination. Thank god the majority of the class is black, or it would be really bad.

12.7.08

You think online Poker is cool? Well.... its not. As a matter of fact, poker is not cool anymore. Poker was cool when it was played by Cowboys and sleezy guys in leather jackets and hawain shirts. Now it is played by every fat loser in between their online games of Call of Duty.

12.3.08

This video brings a tear to my eye... his voice is beautiful

Lil Jon Guest On Lazy Town

Rocky 4

As I type this I'm watching Rocky 4. As a kid, Rocky 4 was probably my favorite in the series. (as I got older it became very obvious Rocky 1 is the best) Now I realize why I loved it so much. It is without a doubt the most testosterone bad ass manly oozing machismo film of all time. Watching this movie is like shoving a steroided needle up your ass. There is hardly NO story... fuck, there is hardly NO dialogue. Watching this film is like getting fucked in the ass by a Bald Eagle while draped in an American flag. Most Rocky films have 1 short montage, this movie is ALL montages.. I think 4 or so... 2 amazing training montages with Rocky running up a mountain screaming "DRAGO", and the awesome late night drive where rock reflects on his demons to a 80's ballad. Watching this movie will put hair on your chest. If you can watch this film and not want to go lift some weights or go running immediately after you should go and turn your balls in. I also love the fact that it spits in the face of technology... Drago uses all the high tech equipment... and GASP steroids... while Rocky is lifting fucking rocks and logs and pulling Paulie on a fucking sleigh... and he still wins! God damn this movie kicked my ass.

12.2.08

If a picture is worth a thousand words then this one just might be worth a million. First off, by looking at the extreme look of disgust on the faces of Jay-Z and Beyonce, it is fairly obvious that they are at a New York Knicks game. Then we have to look at this new "high fashion" started by Kanye West... is the main objective to look as nerdy as humanly possible? Jay-Z  has turned into Stever Urkel....Did I do that?! I miss the days when my rappers wore backwards bandannas, oversized jerseys, and Coogi sweaters. I miss the days when rappers looked like they game from the street, not like they just stepped out of a coffee shop in yuppie Brooklyn. Now for the final and most bizarre observation... look at the white kid in the back... Jesus, who beat the shit out of him?

12.2.08

I am still and always will be a Plaxico Burress fan. I don't know why but I never got a bad vibe from him. He just seems like a good guy to me,  a very confused guy, but good none the less. And this is not just because I'm a Giants fan. Plax just doesn't seem malicious to me... unlike Pacman Jones. Pacman just comes off as a dick and a troublemaker. Plax seems like someone who came from a very hard upbringing and  and was never able to really escape that mentality. From all the accounts I read of him, and I know a girl who hung out with him a couple of times, he is suppose to be a really nice guy. I t

hink the problem with him is that he truly doesn't love the sport of football. Its his living but he doesn't seem to put it first. I still find it funny he caught flack for putting his children before practice. And the fact is that he doesn't show up to practice and what not, because it seems he simply does not care that much.

I think it sucks that he is going to be made example of by Bloomberg. The fact of the matter is he is going to spend 2 years in jail at the very least. I hope Plax is able to get everything together, and if it means stepping away from football so be it. I know a lot of sports analysts are saying the giants should clean their hands of him, but I strongly disagree. You don't throw someone to the dogs when they hit bottom, and if a team is indeed a family, you take care of your family member. Yeah its a living, but its a GAME.... sometimes things have to come before winning.

One other thing.... I just listened to Bizzy Bone "The Gift". This was the second album from the Bone Thugs N Harmony member and in my list of my top 10 favorite albums of all time. I have listened to this album A LOT. Its weird, cause whenever I listen to it I think of 9/11. I bought this album on like the 9 of September and was actually listening to it on the bus home from school on 9/11. I was pumping these tunes and looking out the window at the smoke filled skies and the bumper to bumper traffic. There was so much traffic i wound up listening to it like 3 times straight. The album has a very odd and unique sound. I have never heard anything like it, and it doesn't feel right to categorize it as rap. Damn... I'm listening to this album right now and words can't explain how much I love this album. It puts me in a mood like hardly any other album.... the music has become somewhat haunting, and the sounds help. This album wasn't mainstream at all, doesn't feature guest spots, and has very deep lyrics. I really wish this album wouldve got the praise it deserved, as it is definetly in my top 5 favorite rap albums of all time.