Villians of Maspeth

VILLIANS OF MASPETH!

I'm from the great town of Maspeth, in Queens. It has somewhat of a small town feel, mixed in with stinky, huge factories....and it is also filled with super villians. Yup... we had enough villians cramed into our little neighborhood to put a Marvel comic to shame. Ok, let me explain....We're jumping back in time here to when I was a young'n in elementery school (St. Stans! Holler mother fucker!). Back then they would give us a paper to "take home to our parents". Usually these papers warned of measels or chicken pox. However, during this one strecth of time, they became downright bizaare. Every week it would be a new warning about some sicko, fiend, or monster, that was lurking outside the school waiting for us. We used to read the sheet in horror, reading the description of a new villian. Right now, Im going to go over 3 of the fiendiest fiends!

He creeps along in a car following students as they leave the school building. He watches, and waits for the perfect opprotunity. Then...without warning...he throws a DART at the victim! I read this and let out a loud "WTF". You mean to tell me that there is a fucking Dartman in my town?! Not only do i have to worry about passing school, finding my way home (I'm bad with directions), but now I have to worry about a guy throwing a fucking dart at me?! A girl a grade below me happened to be the first and only victim. She was walking along one day when....THUMP! (or whatever sound a dart hitting flesh sounds like) Lucky for her the tip of the dart was contaminated with the HIV virus. You got the AIDS!!!

Next up on the list is everyone's favorite.... The "Bloods"! Everyone loves these gangbanging rascals! They apparently felt it was time to visit my town a visit right around Halloween. A note came warning that the "Bloods" were in town and were going to be waiting outside the school door for us to get out on Halloween day. I could just picture some thugged out guys in red bandannas standing with the moms waiting for the kids to get out. Why were the "Bloods" coming to get elementery students at 2:40 in the afternoon? I dont know. But it didn't matter! They were coming, and the note said, "They will ask you what time it is, and when you go to check your watch, they will slice your face with a boxcutter." Im not making that up, I swear to god that was the warning we got. I remeber a lot of kids stayed home that day in fear. As it turns out, it wasnt actually the Bloods, but it was the fake "Bloods". Oh that explains it...wait...Huh?

And finally....my personal favorite...The Exposer! Tell me, what beats a large black man in a trenchcoat who follows young school girls around and exposes his genitalia to them. That is actually my major in college. This guy has been a major influence on me, so much so, that I'm actually going to film a dark comedy loosely based on him soon. By the way, as to my knowledge he only flashed 3 girls, the Walter sisters. Just a quick thought: If there was a girl flashing herself to guys, you would not hear one complaint. I think guys would actually go looking for her.

And that about does it. So remeber...next time your walking through the dark alleways of Maspeth, you might just get hit with a dart, knifed up, and flashed. Have fun, Be Safe!