12.27.07

Just got back from the hospital...heres some good news. I got prescribed medicine but there is a chance that in my drunken drugged stupor that I might have passed the stone without even realizing it. On Christmas night I was such a drunken mess people thought I was the ghost of Anna Nicole Smith coming to take them on a journey through Christmas past. I think I might have passed it on that day. If not then its still coming and will come on out in Florida.

Well this blog is going to be taking a vacation for about a week or two as I'm going down to Florida to spend New Years. Happy New Years to all you jabronis. Oh BTW, I strongly reccomend watching "Blade Runner: Final Cut". Its a film noir decorated in sci fi. IMO it has the best sets I have ever seen in a film and some of the best cinematography. It is definetly one of the top 5 Sci Fi films. Peace out Beatrices.

12.26.07

Yo yo yo yo Yo! So I still havent passed this god damn stone, and tommorrow I go back to the hospital and the specialist. I'm guessing surgery at this point....The method involves a rusty coat hanger with a piece of chewed bubblegum on the tip. That is then inserted into my dick head and shoved up my uretha. It mite be kinda enjoyable now that I think about it.

Heres even crazier news..Jamie Lynn Spears didn't actually get pregnant by that guy she was saying was the father. She actually got pregnant by a old man who is the producer on her Nickelodeon show. So this kid could be getting set up so this guy doesn't go to jail for kiddie rape. This story is going to be huge, trust me, your never going to hear the end of this, its gonna be bigger then Anna Nicoles death.

Christmas Morning..

God damn! I still did't pass this fucking stone...I drank SO MUCH water yesterday I mustve pissed at least 60 times. Its actually 3 PM right now, and I suppose to go to some family dinner shit, but once again Im on a bunch of painkillers...you would be too if a rock was gonna come out your dickhole! A part of me wanted to pass this on Christmas. You know how if your naughty Santa gives you coal, well Santa gave me stones.

X-MAS

Today is the day that Santa Claus died for our sins or something...Merry X-Mas.

The Day

Its now 5:30 and no such luck. I have now really bad chills, I am like fucking freezing and I have just popped my first oxycodone. I've been drinking an ungodly amount of water like a camel, getting my piss to look like water, which is what they said to do. The wait continues..I think Its almost time tho..hopefully tunite.

The Night....

Ok....the waiting game. Besides the fear, there is a rush I'm getting. Everyone says how painful it is, how bloody its gonna be. I wanna see it, I wanna feel it. Its like that roller coaster. I bet you the pain ain't all its hyped up to be. I've come to notice that anyone that has any sort of pain always over hypes it to make themselves seem more bad ass. I've had third degree burns on the bottom of my foot...that is pain. Nothing can top that, not no stones coming out of my dick. I've been drinking water like a madman all night hoping to pass it...no such luck right now...I'm hoping tommorrow.

BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!

I woke up this morning to see the Giants down 14 - 0. But that wasn't all...something didn't feel right. It felt like the whole right side of my stomach was being stabbed...pretty badly. I tried to sit down but couldn't, the pain was unbearably. This was crazy and it wasn't going away, so I decided to go to the hospital. So I just got my Christmas gift a little early...In the next 48 hours a stone is going to come out of my dick hole. BA HUMBUG! Every time i stand in the front of the toilet I brace myself, brace myself for mayhem....brace myself for the male version of giving birth. The waiting is the worst part....I feel like a kid knowing he has to go get needles at the doctor. So whats the positive? I got prescribed crazy painkillers and I'm gonna walk around like Anna Nicole Smith right before her death. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared as fuck..but then again I'm not like normal men, my pain threshold is ungodly. I realize this is one of those moments that makes a man. I will tell my grandkids about this experience....oh and heres another fun fact, there is a certain size they deem too big and blast with a laser into smaller one...mine is the next smallest. SO HERE WE GO....

THE COUNTDOWN IS ON!!!!!!!

MJ At the Movies

This movie has been killing every box office record and quite frankly its pretty good. The coming attractions don't really let on to what it is...but it is a zombie flick. Im talking about the "28 Days Later" fast running angry screaming zombies. Although one could make the argument that they are more vampiric...as they cant go in sunlight and suck blood. This movie is actually a remake of the old film, "The Last Man on Earth", but follows the zombie formula of many other films.

Will Smith gives a great performance here, as for the majority of the film he acts alongside a dog, who should win "best supporting actor". In this regard it reminded me of "Castaway" with Tom Hanks and the volleyball.

The movie stalls in the middle but overall is very enjoyable...it does however feel short and could've ran a little longer. Some things aren't really explained, mainly why the one zombie is so much smarter then the rest and becomes the leader...setting up traps and organizing them like an army.

The movie is alot more of a downer then one would expect for a blockbuster, as nothing goes right in Will Smiths life. Now...having researched the book this film was based on, they really simplified it. In the book the lead character is just some average joe. In the movie Will Smith is a senator or some shit/scientific genius. In the book this guy tries teaching himself science by going to the library a lot. In the movie Will Smith hangs out at a Virgin record store renting movies and hitting on mannequins. The book seems a tad more interesting to me, as it deals more with the mental issues the main character goes through.

This film also reminds me of one of my favorite cheesy 80's horror movies, "Night of the Comet". That movie is about two valley girls who somehow survive a comet blast and are the last people on earth, except for everyone else who the comet turned into zombies. I strongly recommend this film as it oozes eighties and has become a cult classic. As for "I Am Legend", I am going to recommend it too, as it is one of the better blockbusters I have seen in a while.

12.22.07

I was just thinking about this....everybody hates Bush now a days, he has no supporters, no one supports the war in Iraq. You ask most people why, and they don't really know, but they say, "Its a goddamn war for oil!" Why are these people so angry? Because its a war for oil yet we somehow have the highest gas prices ever. I bet you if we had crazy low gas prices, about half the people wouldnt be complaining about Bush. People want to see results from this war. There is nothing...no boom in economy. There is no positive for the negatives right now.

12.21.07

Jamie Lynn Spears baby...coming to a dumpster near you!

Here we go...lets talk about random shit.
There is this new movie coming out by JJ Abrams...the dude who did Lost. It is called "Cloverfield" and is filmed entirely by handheld cameras. Everything about this is shrouded in mystery, but it basically is a monster movie where "something" comes out of the ocean and fucks up New York City to the max. I read a review that claimed the tag line should be.. "Its like a pussy that eats you out." I'm amped about this film and also the new Batman. I HATED the new Batman remake, but I mainly felt it was lacking good villians. Villians always made those movies and this one re-introduces the most interesting one. I feel Nicholson was the Joker...simple as that. No one else needs to be the Joker, but if you are trying to be, you CAN NOT try to be Nicholsons Joker. You have to have a whole new spin on it.

My friend got a new foosball table....terribly underrated game, on the same level as pool for me, I dont know why it has been labeled as a drunk frat boy game. I would LOVE to change the image and make it more elegant...something that pool has.

Christmas is a coming...once again it doesnt feel like it, as I am walking around it T-Shirts in 50 degree weather. Fuck Christmas, that shit is for kids. I don't like the decorations, I don't like the music, I don't really like it...For me its just a cock tease until New Years...the real main event. Its all about New Years and Halloween Beatrices.

Britney Spears mom was going to come out with a book about how to raise two daughters. Guess what...it got cancelled. At least it didnt come out and accidently coincide with Britney's suicide...cause that would be kinda akward. Would they have to pull the book off the shelves. Lets change Hollywood. I'm sick of hollywood being trashy and whoreish. I want it be old school, elegant and classy.

Thats it...nothing else left on my mind.

12.19.07

I just heard this great hilarious breaking news... Britney Spears little 16 year old sister is pregnant. Not only that, but shes not taking a dive down the stairs, getting a punch to the stomach, or whipping out the rusty hanger...she is actually keeping the baby! Man...this family is white trash. What a downfall they have taken...the way Britney was advertised as a sweet innocent version was amazing. I thought the sister would be the saving grace...guess I was wrong.

12.18.07

My dad is trying to kill me...
Ok...this post is a follow up to a previous one you can find over here ....http://jbotz.blogspot.com/2007/11/112807.html

The gist of it is my dad buys random shit for me at the supermarket. Well it continued.... First off I have a very unhealthy high cholesterol...runs in the family, bacon is not a wise option for me, yet everything he seems to buy has bacon in it. In my freezer right now are chicken tenders with bacon in the middle and hot pocket bacon egg and cheeses.

So I come home the other night and I'm starving. I look in the cabinet and find a little macaroni and cheese pack, called Easy Mac or some shit. You add water and throw it in the microwave for like 3 seconds and its done...its made for children, retards, and me. So I make it and I begin eating it. I notice something crunchy in my mouth. Dont worry this isnt gonna make you throw up....I look in the cup and see these little brown shits. I look at the case and it says, "Macaroni and Cheese with bacon bits". What the fuck?! What do they put bacon in fucking everything? I got bacon in my god damn chicken fingers, in my god damn mac and cheese! My cholesterol is probly world record levels now.

12.17.07

Michael Jackson is no longer a human being. He is now a mixture of a mummy and a Sith Lord. That is without a doubt the scariest thing I have ever seen. He has apparently had his lips removed now by the magic of plastic surgery. How crazier can he get?

12.15.07

An evening with Roger....

He walked into the locker room glistening with sweat. I nervously looked on as he made his way towards me, unbuttoning his jersey. He glanced in my direction and gave me a little wink. This was the legendary Roger Clemens. "I've been thinking about you a lot lately". His voice was grisly and epitomized manhood. Butterfly's flew about my stomach. He walked towards me and put his hand on my shoulder, "I think you know what I want you to do". He started to undo the button on his pants. I couldn't believe what was happening, "Ummm...Roger....Thats not really my scene and I -"
He dropped his pants revealing his bare ass. There was an awkward silence until he spoke, "The syringes are in the locker...inject my ass with the steroids!"

12.13.07

I was very skeptical about this...but he looks pretty bad ass. I am actually getting kind of amped for this, even tho I hated Batman Begins....The Joker is just too bad ass for this too suck.

12.09.07

The sole reason why my generation is so fucked up is because of 80's wrestling. Go back and watch some of the interviews now...They are the most drug induced schizophrenic nonsense that has ever come out of a humans mouth. Lets take this "Ultimate Warrior" monologue for example. Now keep in mind, Ultimate Warrior is a good guy. This might be the scariest thing I have ever seen, and if ANYONE can make sense of what he is talking about, then you are a genius. Watch this...but leave the lights on.

Doin Thangs

I have just discovered something great...Something I wish I knew about a long time ago. I have found the GREATEST album cover of all time. I remember during this period of time...No Limit Records were releasing crazy album cover after crazy album cover. Each one was more over the top with it's "gangsta". It was mandatory to feature pimp cups, guns, wads of cash, bling, cigars, and cell phones. And back then the cell phones were gigantic. This cover has all that plus one another thing that really pushes it over the "Limit". Enuff talk.....Here it is.....(Click on the pic to view it in all its glory)


Wow...what?! Big Bear is "Doin Thangs" alright. He's fucking feastin with Hugh Heffner bears smoking god damn cigars and wearing jewelry. That cover is genius.

12.07.07

Well....we are getting back to normal here at RR. The best way to deal with something like that is to forget it and not talk about it anymore...

Am I an asshole or just a New Yorker? First off a little info...I HATE the Yankees and do not own or would wear a Yankees hat, I am a Mets fan. Now heres the twist....I am going to Boston next week to visit family, and have just borrowed my grandpas Yankee hat to wear while I'm there. I will become a Yankees fan just to piss of the Bostonians. Is that being an asshole or just being a New Yorker? I think its just being an arrogant, cocky, New Yorker. New Yorkers think they are the center of the universe, and they are. Boston is like our little brother who hates being in the shadow. They are always talking about us...but it's funny because we never mention them.

12.06.07

12.04.07

BREAKING NEWS!

Wow...I gotta say, this one caught me off guard. I remember being into Chester Cheeta when I was a kid....Here is the article from CNN.com .... They messed up his name tho in the article.

"MOBILE, Alabama (CNN) -- Famous "Cheetos" mascot, "Chester Cheeto", has been found dead on this December morning. "Chester Cheeto" was apparently shot late Sunday night after getting into an altercation at a local strip club. Witnesses say Chester entered the "Cafe Erotica" nightclub around 11 PM Sunday Night. He was escorted by a 5 man entourage and came in with a garbage bag of single dollar bills. Jamarcus Ware was a patron at the club that night; "He appeared very drunk. He was flashing money around and talking very loud. At one point he got on the house mic and started rapping and challenged people to fight him." Police are investigating if he had any known enemies at the time. Apparently he later got into a scuffle with a couple of unidentified men, which came to blows and later ended with bloodshed outside the nightclub. Chester was shot 5 times in the chest. Chester Cheeto rose to prominence in the 1990's. The 90's were a time when every company seemed to be looking for "attitude". Chester was the epitome of 90's attitude. This bad boy image that landed him the job, also landed him in and out of court. He battled multiple lawsuits and drug problems and ended up in jail three times, with his longest sentence lasting 2 years. December 3, 2007 marks an end to his tragic life."

Back in the 90's I know that Chester used to roll with Sonic. They were two dudes with 'tude and the two of them used to get into a lot of trouble together. However, they had a falling out a couple of years back and haven't talked since. We have interviewed Sonic twice on this blog, which you can check out HERE.

We were recently just able to get in touch with Sonic who had not yet heard of this news. Here is the interview with the controversial Sonic the Hedgehog.

Q.) Sonic what was your initial thought when hearing this news?

A.) Good.

Q.) I know you two had a falling out, but you had to feel some remorse.

A.) No...fuck him. Chester was a no good motherfucking drug addict. The news is trying to make him out to be a motherfuckin' hero now. They talk about him selling them cheezy bullshits, but they ain't talking about him selling his asshole for crank. Go ask that asshole Dr.Robotnik if you don't believe me.

Q.) Why did you two have a falling out?

A.) I may do a lot of fucked up shit, but I always pay my child support to all my babies mommas. Thats one thing Chester would never do and it pissed me off. Why should the kids have to pay cause he an asshole? We fought over that shit and that was it.

New York Knicks

When I was a kid, the Knicks were it man. EVERYBODY loved the Knicks, even though they would break your hurt just about every playoffs. The Knicks now? The are without a doubt the most disastrous team in the history of sport. Every day, I buy the paper and on the back is something more outrageous and unbelievable then the last. I have no idea why they don't have their own reality show...lets look at some of there wildest moments....finishing with the latest craziness.

- Jeff Van Gundy leaves a practice and never returns to the Knicks and abruptly quits mid season.

- They hire Hall of Fame coach Larry Brown, fresh off winning a championship. The players, mainly Marbury, openly bash him and say he is too "hard" on them. He is eventually fired and treated like shit. Enter Isiah Thomas as coach.

- Isiah hires questionable players and winds up with one of the highest payrolls in the NBA. The moves make little to no sense as the Knicks have about 800 guards. Despite the large payroll they fail to make the playoffs and have one of the worse records. They manage to win a few games towards the end and Isiah is rewarded with a huge contract extension.

- Sexual Harassment allegations are brought against Isiah Thomas. Not only was he harassing, but he was saying outrageous things. Like how he doesn't give a fuck about white season ticket holders, and how only black people are allowed to use the term "bitch". He is found guilty. Also Marbury is brought to the stand during this case. He himself banged an intern...According to him he pulled up his huge truck, looked at her and said, "Are you getting in or what?" She got in and no other words were spoken and the sex happened. On his way out of the courtroom Marbury is singing and dancing.

- Marbury does a TV interview that is truly bizarre. When asked about why he did charity work he says, "At first my intentions weren't good." During the interview his wife calls and he refers to her as his "better ho". He also talks about kissing his sister and feeling her "body and soul". He also can not answer if the knicks will be good that season.

- The Knicks pick up Zach Randolph in the off season. A often troubled player with a history of arrests.

- Marbury finds out that Isiah is thinking of benching him so he disappears. Yup. He just leaves without telling anyone where he is going. At this same time Zach Randolphs grandma dies and he to is missing. Marbury eventually returns and is not punished by the team. It is revealed that he has "too much dirt" on Isiah to be punished.

- The Knicks play the Celtics and lose by damn near 50 points in of the LARGEST deficits ever. Knick fans at MSG chant "Fire Isiah!" even in Boston they chant it too. A Knick fan watching the game takes off his Knick jersey and throws it onto the court and storms out of the building.

- Now the latest craziness. Marbury's dad is sitting in the arena watching the Knicks lose to the Suns. He begins to have a heart attack during the game and leaves the arena and dies. Its sad and just adds to the craziness that is the Knicks.

12.02.07

I am writing this Sunday night...so you are either reading it tunite or Monday morning. If you are reading this Monday morning then this post is kinda dated and doesn't really make much sense. Don Imus returns to the radio Monday morning at 6 AM.....heres the catch...he now has a new black sidekick that is being kept under wraps. It is being treated as a HUGE secret. Who could it be? Is it those nappy headed ho's...the Rutgers female basketball team? Is it Carlton form "Fresh Prince"? Maybe its Charles Barkley? No, no, no...We here at RR know who it is. This is an exclusive but here is the new Imus sidekick....


Yup. Chris Tucker has gotten the job. Chris Tucker always gets the God damn job!

12.02.07

SHARK ATTACK!

December is shark month here at Random Ramblins. I fucking love sharks! I am obsessed with sharks a leopards. I don't know why, but in my past life I must have been a hybrid creature of the both....Actually I was probably just a Leopard Shark...yeah I think thats it...I was a leopard shark in my past life.



Sharks get a pretty bad rep...they really aren't as crazy as they are made out to be. They just don't like to be fucked with...they only really terrible thing sharks have ever done was invent the "n-word". Theres a little info for you.

These majestic creatures usually live about 20 to 30 years, and come in many different species...one of the easiest ways to tell a species is by the tail...heres a chart.




I personally am a big fan of the Hammerhead Shark...the Great White gets all the publicity cause of his little movie. Heres another weird fact...sharks do mate...but scientists also believe that sharks are also asexual. That is crazy! A hammerhead that had not had contact with a male in 3 months gave birth...they say it was a last ditch effort by the species and it asexually reproduced. Imagine if humans could wind up doing that too?

Sharks also technically never sleep. Scientists are still unsure about this...some say sharks lay at the bottom with their eyes open and still very observant. Other say that half of their brains shut down as the other does all the work and they are half conscious.

There will be a follow-up with more info coming later in the month.

12.01.07

I bet this cunt will never spill coffee again. This is a PSA commercial, I think letting waitresses know that they should have steady hands, and be more FUCKING careful!