Ask Sonic

Dear Sonic,

What's Black and White and Red all over?

From,

Little Timmy

SONIC: Michael Jackson's swollen dick after pounding a little boy in the ass?

8.28.08

Who needs a gym? Look at these fucking guys, they are the most jacked mof'ers I have ever seen. I usually do crunches on top of the bust stop with them, but I wasn't featured in this vid for some reason.

NFL PREVIEW - NFC

THE NFC!

Redskins - Good year for everyones favorite schizophrenic Clinton Portis. I am still not sold on Jason Campbell and feel he is not worthy to be a starter in the NFL. They will be a wildcard team.

Cowboys - This team is going to come out of the gate hard looking unstoppable, but then they will fall due to injuries, but still manage to win the NFC East. This team is the real deal and will make it to the Super Bowl...only to lose to the Chargers.

Eagles - Donovan McNabb is DONE. Not only that, but their is hardly a receiving core here. The whole offense is Westbrook and the way they work him, he is definetly going to wind up hurt.

Giants - Oh man... things are not looking to good here. No more Shockey...Osi is out for the year. They will be a wildcard team, but exit out in the first round. No repeat.

Lions - Mediocrity. No defense, a lame QB. Roy Williams is fizzling out but expect Calvin Johnson to have a Pro Bowl year.

Packers - The Favre less Packers. Don't worry Green Bay fans, Aaron Rodgers is the real deal and this is still a very good team. Some of the best recievers in the NFL. There biggest problem is the RB. Ryan Grant is not the answer and just got hot for a little bit last season. They will be in the playoffs.

Vikings - Peterson is the most exciting player in the NFL and if he doesn't get hurt he will be your MVP. This team is good but they will not go anywhere without a good QB and one big name WR. No playoffs this year... draft a QB.

Bears - Speaking of QB's. This team needs a QB badly, and its once great defense is fading. They are going to finish under 500 and be one of the worst teams in the NFC.

Panthers - This team is done too. Steve Smith is out for the first 2 games, and even his value is nothing special anymore. No playoffs and the last year for Delhomme as a starter.

Saints - This team is really really good. One of the most explosive offenses in the NFL and Shockey is going to have a HUGE year with Bress. They are going to make it to the NFC championship and lose to the Cowboys.

Bucanners - Mediocre team. No more Galloway so that hurts them a lot. Garcia wont be able to reproduce his magic this year and they will fail to make the playoffs.

Falcons - Not going to be as bad as you might think. Michael Turner should do pretty good as a starter, he seems like he can take a hit. He wont blow anyone away with his numbers, but he will be somewhat succesful.

Seahawks - Definetly on a big decline, but getting rid of Alexander was a good move. They will somehow manage to make it in the playoffs again, but lose first round.

Arizona Cardinals - This team is falling apart. Leinart is a fucking joke and Kurt Warner is now the starter. Eddgrin James is done, and Boldin wants the hell out of there. Kurt Warner can win them about 4 to 5 games...but thats all.

Rams - Big season for Stephen Jackson and Bulger returns to form. I except a playoff berth for these guys. They are going to surprise a lot of people.

49'ers - No QB and Gore will probably go out for the season at about week 4. No hope for this team. The worst team in the NFC.

8.21.08

Here are some awesome pics of awesome people being awesome.

8.20.08

Men hallucinate after eating fish

Two men got more than they bargained for when they dined on a popular local seafish in Mediterranean restaurants in 2006. The men suffered from "terrifying" visual and auditory hallucinations - seeing and hearing things that weren't really there - after eating the Salema porgy, Sarpa salpa.

The fish had been eating algae containing an indole toxin with similar effects to the recreational drugs LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide) and DMT (dimethyltryptamine) which left the men suffering from a rare case of Hallucinogenic Fish Poisoning or ichthyallyeinotoxism.

Apparently, Sarpa salpa is known to be affected by this algae and was once known as the Dream fish and was even used as a recreational drug in Roman times. The men "tripped" for 36 hours after eating the fish, suffering from various hallucinations and nightmares in the days that followed...

Speak like MJ

I have developed my own language. It is a mixture of broken english and New Owleans jive talk. I have also developed many new word and sayings. I thought I would give you some info on a few so you too can incorporate them into your every day life.

Lameitory - A play on the word dormitory, but this is a house of lame... the residence of lame, where lame lives and resides.

Example: "I thought this was going to be a sick party, but this place is a Lameitory."

Beatrice - A Beatrice is someone who gets on your nerves. It can be either male or female.

Example: "Why are you chilling with that Beatrice?"

Gay Le Douche - A character on the show MXC. It replaces someone's name but is not negative, its a sign of affection.

Example: "Whats up Gay Le Douche?"

"What Are You Prude?" - The response when someone declines a homosexual act.

"This N*gga Ain't Prude" - The response when someone does a homosexual act.

Sunt - The "c" is silent... the ultimate insult.

Douche - I have dropped the word "bag" from the word and say this quite often.

Whoo-aww - The proper way to say whore. It must be overly Italian and delivered like Paulie Walnuts from the Sopranos.

"Worse then a Michael Jackson." - An insult delivered by the Iron Sheik. 

Ellen Degenrate - Someone who is disrespectful.

Example: "Your acting like a real Ellen Degenerate."

Stunt 101 - A fictional college course on flossin and showing off.

Example: Look at this guy driving like he's in Stunt 101.

"He's a fuckin' coward." - The response when someone refuses to do something you ask of them.

Shook Ones Part 2 - When you are afraid... named after the Mob Deep song.

Example: "I went to the haunted house and I was a Shook Ones Part 2.

Balls - A negative way to describe something. Taken from my grandpa.

Example: "This place is balls."

Ascared - The way my grandpa says scared. "I was ascared."

The Scream Machine - a nickname for my penis.

Wimbeldon - A very big event.

Example: "Lets take them to Wimbeldon".

"Its Shark Week on Discovery Channel."- I often refer to myself as a shark, and this means I'm about to feed on whoever is bleeding in the water.

Muckracker - you dont want to be called one of these... also see Fudrucker.

Dont worry... there are a lot more, and I will have an updated list in do time.

8.19.08

Wow....this is awesome...amazing animation.

Man...video games are not for kids anymore at ALL. The only system that is like the systems I grew up with is Nintendo Wii. I remember when I saw someone say "Hell" in a video game and I couldn't believe it. On PS3 and XBOX 360.... every other word is "Fuck". Every game involves a gun or some weapon of some kind and has more blood then an Evil Dead movie. Games are made for late teenagers and people in their early twenties now. Its really odd...even in commercials you see teens playing games, not children. What the hell do kids do now a days? Listen to Hannah Montana?

Ask Sonic

The newest edition of Sonics mailbag. Feel free to send in a question and we will have Sonic answer it in between his court dates.

Dear Sonic,

What do you think of the Olympics?

Jessica

California

SONIC: Fuck the Olympics... I take that back. They got some young shortys doing gymnasiums with thighs like a fucking race horse. A n*gga like me could break his dick off inside that sweet cooch brown all day. I'd eat the corn out they ass...cause a n*gga fuck like he got hydrolics....fuck like a rabbit. I be hittin' switches on bitches fo' sho. And they be young too... like 15. Ho's aint like wine... they don't get better with age. HA HA HA HA!

8.15.08

Something funny I just noticed.... The cable company screwed up or something, so they offered me a month free of Starz! Now this channel is pretty bad ass with a lot of new good movies. However, I find myself not watching it.... or better yet, not allowing myself to watch it. I don't want to be spoiled by it and enjoy it, and then have it taken from me in a months time. Thanks but no thanks Time Warner Cable. This is probably the same reason I have never had a pet besides for a hermit crab.

I feel I definetly get this mentality from my grandpa. He is old school to the core....a self made man by way of his hands. I was working construction for him last summer. I'm working like a dog out in one thousand degree weather, sweating like a Patrick Ewing Game 7 of the Finals. So he comes to pick me up in his car to go to lunch during my break. I get in the car expecting some nice cold air condition, and lo and behold, its actually hotter then outside. I go to turn on the AC and he stops me. "What the hell?" He then explains to me that if i get too comfortable now, it will make me want to work less, and it will make the work that much harder. I didn't question this at all, and totally got it. I implement this in my life now a days. My gramps always used to say to me too, "You hand out with a cripple, you'll start to limp." Thats why I never hang out with cripples.

Kanye West - Champion

8.13.08

Shit. I just kind of figured out this whole "religion" thing. Mount Sinai where Moses "found" the commandments....guess what grew around that area. Yup. Psychedelic mushrooms. See, now doesn't it make a lot sense? They were all tripping balls....no wonder they saw burning bushes and shit.

HA HA HA HA!

So I was watching this ass clown the other night and my dad walks in. He looks at the screen and says, "I really want to watch this asshole mess up and die." Thats how everyone feels about Criss Angel. Well we got something pretty cool the other night....this is assuming this is real. Criss Angel tries to catch a nail from a nail gun and it goes horribly wrong and goes right through his hand. I wish it wouldve went right through his fucking forehead. I would never wish death on someone or tell someone to kill anybody....but what if someone would just make this asshole disappear? You would be doing the world a favor.

8.12.08

Im watching the Packer pre-season game right now am I'm liking what I'm seeing from Aaron Rodgers. Now... I do like Favre a lot, and think he still has some in his tank...but I feel the Packers did the RIGHT thing. Favre was becoming too much of a distraction and you have planned your future with Rodgers...one man does not come before a team. I lost a lot of respect for Favre in this off season and have grown to like Aaron Rodgers a lot more, and find myself rooting for him. The Packers are a good team. The Favre-less Packers will be a better team then the Favre Jets. What people need to realize is the Packers have sick wide receivers in Driver and Jennings....Jets...not so much. Have the Jets gotten better? Yes of course. Are they a playoff team....Eh. A playoff team? Probably not.... but they have gotten a LOT more interesting. Will Favre be the savior of the Jets? No. He will not have numbers like last year, but he should be a decent QB.

BTW: The Bengals look like a disaster... worst team in the league type disaster.

8.11.08

If you dont know about "Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia", I feel bad for you. It is, for my money, the funniest show on television... and the new season is right around the corner. They recently had an article in Complex Magazine (great mag BTW), and they give their favorite pick up lines...some are really good....

"You have AIDS? Me too! Lets Bang!"

"I slipped you something an hour ago, what the fuck is going on?"

"Are you drunk enough to bang yet?"

"Hey I dont see any other girls here. Whats your name?"

RIP Bernie Mac

Bernie Mac has always been one of my favorite comedians. He is hilarious and was a comedic genius. He will be missed.

8.7.08

What? What?! What the hell has just happened?! BTW: Coming to the nearest McDonalds... Chad Pennington serving fries.

8.6.08

Holy crap... did you guys watch that below? Mr.Rogers is a fucking demon... El Diablo.... El Blanco Diablo! What did you do this weekend? Oh I was just filming a movie I wrote Beatrice! Ha Ha Ha. Yes its true El Dandy! I spent this LONG weekend filming the newest and greatest short film evar called "Found". Its the "coming of age of a Hitman". You like that line right there? Thats basically me saying to people "fuck off", when they ask me what the film is about. Ha Ha. Im sorry but its true. I get asked so much for a play by play breakdown of every line in the script, that I now just give that one line. If I gave you a longer explanation of the film, I must have been in a good mood or was looking to get laid. 

Friday was probably the hardest day of the shoot thus far. We shot from 3 PM to 6 AM. Great fun. We were in a small apartment, with 8 sweaty stinky men, all the windows closed, no air condition, and 1 million watt lights shining on us. We started shedding clothes so quickly it started to look like we were shooting a gay porno. "Men In Heat". Im really feeling what we filmed was magical. I would really love to talk candidly on this blog about some on set shit and what not, but you don't shit were you eat. The crew got along great, I genuinely enjoyed the company of everyone and would work with them again in a heartbeat. 

8.5.08

There is no God....

8.4.08

The greatest film company of all time? Damn man.... Pixar has their shit together. They have never had a flop, and the only two films that weren't called the greatest things ever were "Cars" and a "Bugs Life". They just keep making hit after hit.... but thats not what is impressive to me. Its how innovative and how unafraid of risks they are. Their latest film... Wall-E doesn't have dialogue for the first 40 minutes. Thats ballsy. I still have not seen it and I'm dying to.... I have a strong feeling I will agree its the film of the year. Pixar is untouchable and just prints money.... they remind me a lot of Nintendo. Nintendo is another company that goes against the grain and always finds success. Both are family friendly companies who agree with the slogan "less is more". They both have smaller libraries but their names go hand and hand with quality.

8.1.08

This is probably the most racist toy ever made...

Fuck white people.