11.30.07

GREAT MOMENTS IN SONGWRITING.....

"Sex Planet" by R.Kelly

"Sex Planet,
Come fly away with me,
ride in my exctasy,
out in the galaxy,
sex planet,
Get ready for take off,
have a safe trip baby."

"Jupiter,
Pluto,
Venus and Saturn,
I'm leaving Earth to explore your galaxy,
ten to zero,
Blast off here we go,
We'll be climaxin till we reach Mercury."

"Girl I promise this will be painless,
We'll take a trip to planet Uranus."

"I'll take your breath away,
gonna get you so excited,
Once I taste your milky way."

"So don't trip I got a giant rocket"

"I'm about to twinkle and touch your soul,
Once I enter into your black hole."

"We'll be gone for hours,
I wont stop until I give you meteor showers."

"My rocket if full of fuel baby."

SCARIEST THING EVER!

This is hands down the creepiest shit I have ever seen in my life. I know a fucking demon when I see one, and this thing is a fucking demon. I'm gonna give you a warning.....this vid will lead to nightmares.

11.28.07

A while back here on the blog, I conducted an interview with Sonic The Hedgehog. (You can check that out HERE ) He is a controversial media figure that oozes 90's attitude. Recently, I got the chance to speak with him again, and get his opinion on the HUGE success of his rival Mario's new game.

Q.) Some say you and Mario are the 2Pac and Biggie of the gaming world. Does it bother you that his new game, "Mario Galaxy" is one of the highest selling games ever?

A.) No. Playing that game is my second favorite thing to do.

Q.) What is the first?

A.) Fucking the Princess in the mouth.

Q.) Do you mean Princess Peach?

A.) No...I mean Princess Diana. I've been skull fucking her corpse while on speed for 3 years now.

Q.) Any closing comments?

A.) Yeah....The Rutgers Women Basketball team are a bunch of nappy headed ho's.

Bob Sapp vs. The Japanese

Bob Sapp is a K1, UFC style wrestler, and a HUGE star in Japan. Over here in the U.S. he is just known as football player Warren Sapps brother. The U.S. is really missing the boat with this guy. Sapp just oozes charisma and is one of the funniest guys walking the earth. Today I present you two vids of Mr.Sapp in action. The first one is of him on some game show. Scared Japanese people have to shove swords into a barrel, and if they push the wrong one, Bob Sapp pops out and kills them. Yes, it is as good as it sounds. The second video is much simpler. It is just Sapp playing Tekken against some Japanese guy. When Sapp loses a round, he gives the FUNNIEST facial expression I have ever seen.

11.28.07

What the Fuck?

When my dad goes to the supermarket, sometimes he sees random shit for sale and buys it for me. Its a crap shoot...cause its either the worse food know to man, or I really enjoy it, but never see it again because the sale is over. So tunite I'm starvin like Marvin, and peek into my fridge. What do I see? I see... Frozen Tyson's Anytizers Cheddar and Bacon Chicken bites. "What the fuck!" Chunks of chicken with cheddar oozing out of them, with bits of bacon cooked inside them. How could he think this is something I would want to eat. I could just picture his thought process..."Well he likes chicken... and he loves bacon, and he is into cheese...he should love this shit!" My dad often buys anything that is a mixture of shit I like, no matter how disgusting it may seem. He figures if I enjoy two things separately, if they are combined, I will enjoy that doubled. This is why I have 30 boxes of "Asshole Pizza" in my fridge. Wow.

I remember one day I'm sitting home relaxing. I get a call from him and I answer it. The first thing he says is "E-Men show!" I'm pretty use to insanity, so I don't even question it and just respond,"ok". He then says, "You got the E-Men show." Now I'm pretty sure he has gone fucking bonkers, and is spewing some incoherent crazy into the phone. "What?" I respond. "I'm talking with this Chinese woman....I want to know if you go the E-Men show." I still had no idea what he was talking about a made up an excuse to get off the phone. It wasn't until I got home that I figured out what was going on. He was talking to a Chinese bootlegger, and she was trying to sell him the new CD of "The Eminem Show". He was calling to see if I wanted it. It is always a giant mystery as to what he might bring home.

BTW Hulksters...the old blog layout was getting on my nerves, so I've decided to spice it up. This is the new Y2K ready blog. It looks hella sexy IMO.

11.26.07

I am losing my fucking mind! I've been sick for like a week, am not in school right now, have no job, and have been stuck in the house cause of this flu or whatever the fuck it is. My internet was just down too....if it wasn't for Mario Galaxy, I probably would've offed myself by now. What have I've been doing to prevent insanity? Well actually I've been embracing it, and I have been popping a lot of prescription sleeping pills...Ambien to be exact. Now im not saying endorsing this...but to me, it is probably the greatest high ever. It doesnt make me tired in the least bit, but calms me down and makes time seem to fly bye. I pop one, put some music on, and write some of the best stuff in my life. You can see some of the shit I wrote on it the night before. I was curious about its side effects so I just looked it up and found 2 that I get....

- hallucinations, abnormal behavior, or severe confusion.

I have never hallucinated...it does make me act a little weird tho and it does create some confusion...like when I wrote that shit down, I was trying to figure something out, but couldn't.

- amnesia (memory loss) after a dose, sometimes significant

I get this...Often I do stuff while on it, or talk to people, and have no recolection of doing so.

All in all I recommend it. What else....I just watched the Dolphins/Steelers Monday Night game...it was 0-0 until the last 2 minutes. That was the most BORING sporting event I have ever seen...Jesus Christ. 8 people died of boredom watching it.

Linda Hogan and the Hulkster have divorced. If you watched one episode of the last season, you saw this coming. They barely spoke, and it was kinda obvious the spark wasn't there anymore. This is SUCH tragic news.

Why is this blog pink? Why not? I've come to the conclusion that Hayden Pattentrie is the hottest chick alive right now. Every time I look at her name, I keep seeing "Hidden Penetration". I just seen some new pics of her in GQ and I instantly cummed in my pants...right on my boxers, and I left it there so it got nice and crusty. Hey...I'm sick...I'm allowed to be filthy. Here is one pic from the shoot. I think I like her cause she looks young...I love kids, I talk to them on the internet all the time.

ON a lil drugs

i need to figure it out. ok today is sunday but its really saturday night at 1:34...the date is the 25th, anything done before 12 was done on the 24th. so the 24th was saturday....thats makes the 23rd wednesdaty. anything on 12 exact or a minute past is a difficult date. wait...23rd was friday...none of my FUCKN notepads can open up at this point and the calender wont open wither!....mite as well just post this. 24th was thursday, which was thanksgiving...all the stores are closed.....23rd was wednesday...was i right before. but i have 23rd as friday. I AM GOING BACKWARDS! oK HERE IT IS. Sundya is 25thm saturday is 24....FRIDAY IS 23RD! tHURSDAY WAS ACTUALLY the 22nd and that was thanksgicing. The day before thanksgiving which would be a wednesday...i used to have school this day was actually February 21st. So tuesday was the 20th...*monday was the 19th*, sunday was the 18th, saturday was the 17th. <- shot film SO from saturday the 17th to today was 8 days. Everyone has off on fridya. fruday the 16th, thurs the 15th, weds the 14th, tuesday the 13th, monday the 12th,s11 s10 *f9*t8w7t6m5 s4coltsplayedpats s3f2t1 -
on thursday november 8th I FINISHED SCHOOL but thats the 2008 schedule, im looking at the 2007 which would be a day "ahead" so I finished the 9th? Friday the 9th of November. That seems very off.

11.23.07

black friday.

I don't know what the hell it is, but I do know its today. And based on the name alone, I bet you its scary, no good, and lazy. I would suggest that you lock your doors and stay in today.

11.21.07

YO YO YO.....Lets us give Thanks Beatrice's! Probably my least favorite holiday is one day away....it ain't nothing on Earth Day I tell ya! Cause this Wednesday is Thanksgiving, or as I like to call it... "Hungover in front of the whole family day". Lets talk about television!

People ask me what my favorite television shows ever were...Hands down my favorite show ever is "The Sopranos". Bottom Line. Then what comes next? The "Twilight Zone"! Some of the best writing period! My kids kids kids will be watching that marathon hungover on New Years Day on Sci Fi channel. No other show stands the test of time. Next Up...."Quantum Leap". It definitely reminds me of Twilight a little and stars Scott Backula, whose last name is close enough to Dracula to make him bad ass. And to finish off my list? This one might come as a surprise but..."Pop Up Video". Yup. I'm a closet Pop Up Video fanatic. For some reason that stupid show reminds me of my childhood. And those are the only ones I can think of at this time. I'm sure I'm forgetting a few but it is what it is.....Happy Thanksgiving Dudes and Dudettes!

11.19.07

I bet you not one of you fools knows the true meaning of Thanksgiving....STOP! I know your beginning to tell me that bullshit story..."The Indians and the pilgrims had a big feast and they loved each other and...." BULLSHIT! Bullshit I say! You really think the Indians would want to eat with those white devils who stole their land, and brought them weird new diseases? That story is some made up Americana crap! Why do we celebrate thanksgiving? No one truly knows, but I can bet you its disgusting, and quite frankly a little scary. I imagine the first Thanksgiving as "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" meets that "2 Girls 1 Cup" video thats online. What the best part of Thanksgiving? CRANBEERY SAUCE MOFUCKA! Everyone knows that...its like what color is the sky. You put marshmellows in your sweet potatoes? You god damn better! What is going on in that pic....oral sex? oral sex from a turkey?!

11.15.07

Drugs are bad...You don't believe me? Do you want to end up like Corey Haim? Posting that Lost Boys gem last night made me go an dig up this gem. I remember seeing this on E! a while ago, and it was burned into my brain. This is one of the funniest interviews ever, and if you can make any sense of this, you must be on drugs yourself. "Extra Extra, read all about it!"

BEST MOVIE SCENE EVER

As many of you know, I consider myself somewhat of a movie "buff". I have seen countless films, have taken many classes, and even made my own. A lot of times, people ask me what my favorite movie is. I honestly can not choose one; It is just too difficult. However....It is very easy for me to choose, what I consider the greatest scene in the history of cinema. This is the pinnacle of perfection, and comes from the movie, "The Lost Boys". So sit back, pop some corn, put your feet up and enjoy. This live performance is eerily similiar to me at my elementerary school talent show.

11.14.07

Today is November 14th, which is actually a pretty big holiday in Belgium. It mite seem outdate now, but the rituals performed on this day actually did serve a purpose. The day consits of joyous dancing and singing. Then as the night approahces all the bottles are smashed and the shards of glass are placed on the doorstep of the home of anyone with a child under 3. This was used as a safety method to ward off the Phill Collins. The myth is that the Phill Collins would sneek into the house at night, and steal the breath of the infant, which would allow him to continue to have his beautiful voice. Most people don't know the lore behind this holiday, and like myself, use it as an escuse to get drunk.

11.12.07

Well heres some weird news. Kanye West's mom just passed away at the age of 58. Whats weird is what caused her to die. Apparently she just had her tummy tucked and was getting breast implants, and the complications of the surgery are what did her in. See...Vanity kills. What the hell was a 58 year old woman doing getting all this surgery anyways? Its not like she was about to go strut down the catwalk. I myself am a big Kanye fan, and I just saw the animated music video for the song, "Good Morning", which might be the most bad ass thing ever. The picture above is a scene out of it.

Tommorrow marks the release of "Mario Galaxy" for the Wii. I am a HUGE fan of Mario, always have and always will. What I'm hearing now is that this might be the best Mario ever. Thats a mighty large claim there. I will have to put it to the test...I haven't been this amped for a game in a while...fuck that Halo 3 bullshit, I played it and I think it sucks. No joke. I don't like those first person bullshit games. They are all exactly the same.

This show "Amazing Race", which won like ten thousand Emmys, is probably the best reality show. You people better get used to and start loving reality shows. With the writers strike coming that is the ONLY thing that will be on television. And as far as "Heroes" goes, I find the new season to be unwatchable. After last week I have finally given up on it. Let me tell you what the problem is....season 1 worked as a mini series. The stories of the characters all ended nicely and there wasn't anything else I wanted to see. When it ended, I didn't really have any questions for a new season, I was satisfied with what I saw and didn't want to see these characters anymore. What do I think they should have done? I would of not used any of the same cast members and started from scratch with all new "heroes". Then when sweeps comes, you throw in a former cast member into the mix. You see how this is working people? RATINGS!

KILLA CAM

CAMRON QUOTABLES!

Camron...the Shakespeare of our times, has just released a new mixtape and boy oh boy does he got some lines in this one. Heres some of my favorites....

"Over them dry stone, fiends slept in front of my crib, for 2 days straight like I have the iPhone."

"I'm the Cookie Monster...Yeah...Chips Ahoy."

"The dudes you dealin with is like a number 9 from McDonalds...Fillet of Fish"

"My new name is mother fuckin' Velcro the way niggaz stick to me...No Homo."

"I'm like a can of Campbells bitch...I'm very soup."

"They dead he said...get him a page on MySpace."

"Im Fillet Menion (sp?)...you a Steak Um'."

"We celebrities with guns....shooting stars."

"We gonna shoot the wake up and dead the funeral."

11.09.07

My house is turning into the fucken island of Dr.Moreau. First off...there is this mosquitoe floating around who rapes my ass every night. I wake up with bites in the weirdest places, I had one today in my dickhole. What? And just now I saw a cockaroach/water bug in the kitchen. I HATE roaches and am like a pussy when it comes to them. If it was roach, that means there are more, and the house must be evacuated. If it was a water bug, then things are ok. I see him and I'm tracking him on the wall. I run into the living room to get a book to smash him, come right back in and he is nowhere to be found. Is this mother fucker Freddy Kreuger? Where the fuck did he go? I become obsessive with getting the hunt. I staed up for a hour looking for this son of the bitch. I can't sleep...none get away from me. So now I'm pissed....I'm gonna get that son of the bitch and that mother fucking mosquitoe. Two unwanted douchebags in my mother fuckin house! I HATE insects. I rather walk in the kitchen and see a snake slithering around. I am mad scared right now...mad scared I'm gonna look up from typing and see him crawling right on my leg. Hold on..He is still M.IA. Some girl from some weirdo country was telling me she has giant cockaroaches that jump at you. Fuck that! If a roach jumped up at me I would lose my mind forever in fear. You would have to put me in the mental institution.

Who else has seen this 2 girls 1 cup internet phenomenon. For those of you who haven't, its two chicks and the one bitch shits into a cup. But this shit comes out exactly like soft chocolate ice cream. Then the other bitch eats it, and throws it up into the other ones mouth. Heres the kicker that makes this video classic. The whole time there is this very soothing piano playing in the background. I guess its worth watching, it has become pretty damn popular.

Well its time for me to sleep...I know this roach motherfucker is gonna climb into my fucken brain and lay his eggs.

11.06.07

Who even knows what fucking day it is anymore...I've been living in a state of confusion and it can all be attributed to Daylight Savings Time. I HATE it...more then anything else. It takes me about 2 weeks to get used to it. What has happened now is that some of the clocks in my house have automatically changed while others remain the old time. I don't know what time it is, what day it is, or where the fuck them I am. I'm confused and quite frankly... a little scared. Enough about my problems...some REVIEWS! Yeah! He-ya. I know you like that...cum and get it...

I just saw American Gangster. Heres a secret...I didn't see it in the theatre. Heres another secret...it was DVD quality. That is all I can say from fear of Johnny Law. This is a GREAT movie. One of the better films I've seen in a while...However it is not perfect. The movie runs about 2 and a half hours. I feel its a little long and starts to fade out in the 2nd act. This movie should really be about a half hour shorter. And the ending feels WAY too Hollywood...but then again, its based on a true story...so maybe thats what really happened. This film is basically the black Scarface. I would give it 3 out of 4 stars. The Departed is still the movie to see of recent times.

I've also listened to the Jay-Z album..."American Gangster". It's different from usual Jay as it has a very unique sound. It sounds old school and actually fits the movie quite well, although not ONE jay-z song appears in the movie at all. The album has a few AMAZING tracks, but then again it has a few duds, preventing it from being great. It is not Jay's best album but not his worst. It sort of sits in the middle. It is definetly worth listening too, for the most part Jay stays in "character" but a few are typical rap "formula" songs and they bring the album down. Kanye West Graduation is still the album to beat of recent times.