RARE ANIMALS1!!!!!!!

J-E-T-S! Trip Pt. 2

So I am sitting in the car on my way back from indianopolis. Yes the jets lost and cindarella is not going to the ball. What i realized is that jet fans travel like the black plague.... Make that green plague and totally devour and infect a city. They are like the Sars virus of obnoxiousness, disrepect, and overall deuchebaggery... And it is damn infectious. My second favorite football team (I still bleed Blue)made me very proud to be a New Yorker. And props to the people of Indiana who have to be some of the nicest and most accomodating fans around. The upscale steak house we were in dealt with the ugliest, loudest, and sexually deviant 2 Jet fans for a whole full hour before throwing them out. They then proceeded to to illegaly hitch a ride on the back of a horse and carriage while doing the Jets chant. Speaking of the Jets chant I wouldnt mind not hearing that again for a year. I consumed more beer and ate more food then practically ever in my life... I feel like Rex Ryan on a bender after a trip to the Sizzler. I feel like Inspector Lee... You dont want to feel like inspector lee.

J-E-T-S! Trip

Heading to Indianapolis to watch the Jets/Colts game on Sunday. When people ask me who is going to win I always cite the following quote from the song "Ms. Pretty Pussy" performed by that thespian named "Plies":

"You got the pretty set of pussy lips I've never seen

If I want to eat you, I can eat you cause your pussy clean

I thought it was all hair, that pussy sat up in those jeans

But now I got you naked I can see how that pussy hang

I better snap out this shit, or I'ma do the wrong thang

I wanna fuck you raw that pussy like is everything

Now all I wanna know, that pussy get real wet

You got a soaker I got to run my tongue cross your chest

Or I can rub on your clit and just play with ya neck"

That is just how I feel about it. If I had the word artistry of a Piles then I say it myself. Anyway look at the shirt at the top of the page... "Wow bro! You mean I can rock my Affliction shirt and still rep out the Jets?!" *does fist pump* Yessir.... they are selling them right now on their official website. So either the Jets are going to the win or a bunch of children in Haiti are going to think the Jets went to the Super Bowl.

Goodbye Horses

And we have a winner! Weirdest thing I have ever seen on the internet. This guy.....err "unicorn" makes Buffallo Bill look like the most sane man on the planet.

Bizarre Dream

I had a BIZARRE dream just now. I fell asleep while watching "Apocalypse Now Redux" and dreamt up an ending which I thought was real. Ive never seen the film in its entirety before, and heard about it having multiple endings. It played while I dozed off and my dream was that I woke up long enough to catch the ending. The ending was so bizarre that when I woke up I looked up "Apocalypse Now Ending" on google. I saw no mention of the ending I saw and went and re-watched it and was shocked when it ended on the stone idol face.

In my dream Martin Sheen kills Brando just like the real movie. You then hear him doing a narration over a black screen. In the narration he is talking about how he feels sympathetic towards Brando's character, and as he has gotten older he has learned to appreciate his thoughts and has even begun to think like him. We then cut to see an older Martin Sheen sitting at a desk holding a stack of papers staring at a camera. Behind him is the presidential seal of the united states and we see that the narration is actually a speech he is preparing. He goes over some lines while scribbling some stuff down. A producer then counts him down and the red light on the camera goes on and he begins his speech with the opening lines of narration from the film.

Pretty weird right? I swear to you I really woke up thinking this was the ending of the film. The dream was so vivid and seemed so real. Trying to make sense of it now, I must have seen Martin Sheen playing the president on that television show (West Wing I believe?) a while back. In my dream state I must have conjured up that image of him and added it to the ending of the film, which i felt I woke up to catch the end of.

Brandon Lee Compliments Dolph Lundgren

Nate Kaedings Wikipedia

Jets

Tomlinson is Playoff kryptonite. How many years have I've seen LT sitting alone one the bench pouting while watching his team being eliminated from the playoffs. He is a first ballot hall of famer but he will never truly get that great of praise for never winning the big one. His situation is different then Marino; LT has had some truly amazing teams around him. What is wrong with these Chargers? It can't be the coaching... Theres a lot of good free agent coaches out there... Nor Turner might be on the chopping block.

What an idiot Vincent Jackson is. Kicking the challenge flag? Real smart? Has anyone noticed how many times this head ref has fucked up speaking? He just penalized the wrong player.

NFL Playoffs

Today is football day! I am amped! I think these games today are going to be close, with big upsets and all around general mayhem. Lets breakdown each game with the score you will be seeing...

COLTS 28

RAVENS 14

- This is a statement game for the Colts and if they were too lose then the critics would never close their mouths about the benching of their stars. This is the only game I think that will not be close.

CARDINALS 31

SAINTS 35

A shootout. Neither team is that good but the cardinals defense is banged up.

COWBOYS 31

VIKINGS 26

The Vikings are cold and the 'Boys are hot. The ONLY way the Vikings can win this one is if Peterson goes nuts. I don't see that happening. I see Brett Favre getting sacked and throwing picks.

CHARGERS 23

JETS 24

Yeah baby... Defense wins championships and the Jets have the number one defense... and add to that the number one running game. I'm getting flashbacks of the Super Bowl Giants with this Jets team, they have that same swagger. There is one thing the Jets need to be careful of, and that is kickoff returns. Sproles can and probably will run one back. The Jets give up a lot of yards on the kickoff, allowing teams to start at the 40. Bottom line is I think Jets win.

Sexual Predator

These people are probably better off dead...

CNN says today that the 3D effects in ‘Avatar’ are so intense that some people go home depressed and even suicidal, because they would rather be living in the world from the movie, on Pandora with the 10-foot cats.

Valedicktorianne

Below is my Valedicktorianne speech for my upcoming college graduation. Above is a tattoo a real guy who got arrested had.

It's a great honor being your Valedicktorianne. When I first heard I was being given this honor I ran to my dictionary to look the word up and find the correct spelling. I never was much of a "word finder" and soon realized my attention span is way to short to find such a complex word. To truly understand the meaning of the word, we must disect it. "Vale" - You add a "t" to this and its "valet". You are in charge of the parking lot, you control people's cars, and when a valet is present, it's usually expensive cars. Thats a big job title right there. "Dick" - I hear this is slang now a days for the male penis, not to be confused with the female penis. This is kind of important too. And finally you have "Tori" and "Anne", the names of the two women who starred in "2 Girls, 1 Cup". Wow. This is some big shit.. or as the Italians would say; Grande shit. Is Kriss Kringle the real name of Santa Claus? And if so why does "Santa" use this alias. Or is Kriss Kringle simply a Santa Claus impersonator? So in closing they asked me to give some advice to the future graduates... don't go with AT&T service, my cell phone doesn't get a ring tone anywhere.

Tag Team

I manage a professional wrestling tag team in Japan called "The Un-Natural Disasters". The duo consists of "Mr. Titanic" and "The Nine-Eleven". We lost our tag titles when Captain Lou Albano threw salt in the refs eyes. Captain Lou you are a reptillian motherfucker and I want my "Pirates of the Carribean 3" Blu-Ray DVD back. You dont own a blu-ray player and never will! Same goes for you Mr.Fuji!

DA YANKEEZ SUX!

PROOF YANKEES ARE GAY (CLICK)

AND THE METS AREN'T

That is the actual headline on ESPN.com . Click it to go to the article if you don't believe me. I told you Yankees fan are gay.

New Years

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS FOR EVERYONE!!!1!!!1!! (Simply copy and paste as your status in fRiendBOOK or Tweeter)

My New Years resolution is to stop drinking.... the tears of Native American children.

My New Years resolution is to stop bathing in the urine of Egyptian virgins.

My New Years resolution is to quit my job at Abercrombie and Fitch.

My New Years resolution is to stop exchanging text messages with R&B sensation Chris Brown.

My New Years resolution is to stop being haunted by Abbie Lincoln's ghost.

My New Years resolution is to stop wearing my "Milf Hunter" t-shirt.

The O.D.B Story

When my grandpa recounts a story it is always in bits and pieces. It is usually one line of information and in order to piece together a sensible story you have to basically interrogate him. This New Years I went to a club and saw Wale do a couple of songs. I was telling my grandpa about this rapper and it reminded him of his encounter with the Ol' Dirty Bastard.

GRANDPA :"What was the name of that rapper I sold to the car to?"

FRIEND: "Ol Dirty Bastard"

GRANDPA: "Yeah, what a sick fuck he was!"

ME: "WHAT?!?!"

I have never seen my grandpa talk so vehemently about someone being insane.. The fact is he is not exactly the picture of sanity himself. So here is the story as best as I could piece it together...

O.D.B comes to my grandpas car dealer ship about 10 years ago. My grandfather has ordered him a brand new Infiniti truck with very expensive tires on it. O.D.B takes one look at it and the first thing he says is, "Take those tires off I wanna nigga-rig it." Those are his exact words.

He then proceeds to pay with a large garbage bag. In that bag is an assortment and 10, 20, and 100 dollar bills.

While my grandpa is in the trailer doing the paperwork for the deal he hears a gunshot go off. He comes out to find that the tail light of another car has been shot out. He asks what the heel happened and apparently O.D.B was playing around with his gun and it went off. I asked if my grandpa made him pay and he said, "No... but we fucked him over with the deal".

And that is the story of when my grandfather met the Ol' Dirty One.