MJ at the Movies.

SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER EDITION....

Wow...I have not been to the movies in a REALLY long time.  I hear the new Indiana Jones is written like shit and has aliens in it. What in the bluest hell?! Why are their aliens in Indiana Jones? I heard Iron Man kicks ass, and is the best superhero movie to date. Harold and Kumar 2 was apparently good, but did anyone actually see it? And god damn....this Sex and the City movie...its already starting to piss me off. Does this movie promote being a slut? Is that the point of the show? To teach girls how to be a slut? And Sarah Jessica Parker is a ugly horse faced demon. Now another movie that looks terrible but I bet you is awesome...Dont mess with Zohan. This movie is written by Sandler and Smeigel. Who is Smeigel you ask? He is the genius behind Triumph the insult dog. So this summer go see Iron Man and Zohan....and get ready for the documentary sweeping the film festivals called "Tyson." I will let you guess what thats about.

Now for a movie I just re-watched. "There Will Be Blood." Upon my first viewing I thought it was overrated. It had a memorable performance from Day-Lewis who had a couple of great lines, and a good supporting actor. Besides for that there wasn't much from the rest of the cast. Re-watching it, I enjoyed it much more. It is a very enjoyable film with a great soundtrack and great cinematography. Basically I feel this movie is Scarface set in a different era. You have to guys looking for the "American Dream". You have two ultra charismatic characters that are likable, but real evil. Both show moments where they seem like good people, but in the end, show their true colors. Both get the power and money, but end up unhappy and addicting to drugs/alcohol. Both speak in a voice everyone will immitate and both spew out awesome one liners. See...same movie.

Sonic Disaster

With the release of Grand Theft Auto 4, the debate about violence in video games has heated up once again. Are the games to blame? For this post I've decided to sit down with a man who oozes 90's style attitude....the always controversial Sonic the Hedgehog. When we last saw him he released a rap album and single, "Dem Jews got da Jewelz". Both were commercial flops and Sonic has since then hit a real downslide. When Sonic showed up for this interview, he did not seem to be in "great" shape.... to say it politely. He was extremely incoherent as he mumbled and slurred his words...basically unintelligible. His balance was also terribly off, making it hard for him to stand. I literally had to carry him and sit him at a table. He then proceeded to fall to the floor and begin vomiting. I asked what he had been taking, to which be barely responded, "The Heavy Stuff". I kept trying to help him to his feet but to little success. At this point Sonics demeanor changed for the worse. A list of profanities came spewing out of his mouth and he swung and barely hit me. Sonic was now manic, ready to fight anyone. With him in such a loony state, I  barely managed to conduct the interview...At first I was going to keep this under wraps  out of respect...but hopefully this might be a wake up call for him.

Q.  Do you feel violent video games promote real life violenc?

A.  What the fuck is that?! That game huh? whats it called? HA HA HA! Audio Theft?!

      Let me tell you something... I did all that before violence was cool. I dont need a game to kill a whore...thats called Tuesday to me. I literally stomped nggz out for DoDo Money!

Q.  DoDo Money?

A.  Yea DoDo....that means that money is extinct like that bird.... small change that I extincted.         BUT LISTEN....you got to know this......DoDo is better then NoDo. HA HA!

Q.  When a child plays violent game, does it reveal tendency's that might be better left alone?

(At this point Sonic leaned his head over his shoulder and was not moving. It was about 3 minutes before he bounced back fully awake and active)

A. I DONT KNOW AND I DONT GIVE A FUCK, AND FUCK WHATEVER YOU TALKING ABOUT!

(Sonic then grabbed the closest thing, which was a saltshaker, and threw it across the room shattering it. He was beginning to become more and more uncontrollable.)

Q.  A game like Grand Theft Auto where a player can go and actually -

A.  Fuck the Grand Auto! What are we talking about here? Violence or bullshit?!

Q. No Violence as it....

A. Well then I will give you violence in spades mofo!

Q. Is it related to gaming by any chance?

A. How is this for Reality TV.... I killed Chester Cheeta motherfuckers! My ass was outside that      strip club my damn self.

Q. Was this action brought about by being influenced by a video game?

A. No.

Q. Any closing comments?

A. Yeah...Bitch it ain't mine...I told you im fixed!

Wow. So I guess playing violent video games does not lead to murder or what not. We need something else to blame now. I blame people. I blame human beings. Animals only kill for hunt. Humans came and fucked up everything. Oh and there's a bombshell....Sonic admitted to killing Chester.....Im guessing some jail time for that one.

I would advise those that are new here, to go up to the top right and you can see labels. Some of the more interesting posts here get a label. Click on the sonic one and you can follow up on his whole story thus far....

5.27.08

With gas prices so crazy high I've decided to sell my Jeep. It seems that SUV's are going the way of the dinosaur. I was thinking about getting a Hybrid, but that wasn't flashy enough for me. I wanted something that could catch someone's eye, but not stand out too much. So I think I found the perfect car for me..... Its only 4.8 million too.

5.25.07

Just got back from Cali-forn-eee-ahhh! Spent most of my time in Laguna Beach, or as some call it, the REAL O.C....as opposed to the fake one. I also went down and saw Jimmy Kimmel Live while I was down there. You would be shocked at how small the studio is. I totally lucked out too, seeing as there were NO in studio guests. However, I did get to see the Pussycat Dolls perform live! The performance was equivalent to getting a lap dance with no physical contact. The lead singer Nicole Schezineggger or whatever is hot as hell. The rest of them are basically talentless glorified strippers. Another night I wound up on a beach with a bunch of people smoking Hash while one dude played Hotel California on a guitar and a 75 year old hippie talked about "righteous vibes". No bullshit. If thats not Cali I don't know what is.

Now Cali is great and all but here is the one thing that REALLY REALLY SUCKS. Now please remember this is coming from a New Yorker where I usually don't go out until 11:30 PM. It is state law in California that every club and bar closes at 2:00 AM, and everyone starts being piled out at 1:45 AM. I was pounding down Hawain Ice Teas when the owner started yelling and pushing people out in a line like cattle to the slaughter. We couldn't even finish our drinks. I felt like I was in a speakeasy during the Prohibtion and the feds were raiding. Besides for that it is pretty bad ass, and everyone is extremely nice and laid back. Why wouldn't they be? They live in paradise, spend all day at the beach, smoke the finest weed, are surrounded by beautiful women.....why wouldn't you want to live there?

5.16.08

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Thats actual commentary from the Conan DVD by the Governator. Im going to Cali for a week, see you later gators.

5 Lamest Sport Franchises

5. Detroit Pistons - So what your really good, your also really fucking boring. You are the east coast version of the Spurs. You win and no one cares. These guys just edged out the Milwaukee Bucks for this fifth spot. When they are in the Finals, no one watches.

4. The Reds - Who really cares about this team? You have Ken Griffey Jr., who was suppose to be the best ever, but is a flop. Thats the only thing that makes you somewhat relevant.

3. The Bills - Your team is known for sucking. You are known for losing about 3 Super Bowls in a row to the Cowboys. You suck, end of story. BOOORING. Barely beat out the Kansas City Chiefs for this spot.

2. The Royals - Is this even a real team in the MLB? Is Kansas City even a real place in the United States?

1. The Spurs - Here is the most boring lamest team of all time. No doubt, they are one of the best NBA teams ever, but who cares? Find me on person that cares about this team or even any player, you wont even find one in Texas. This team is so terrible and draws such terrible ratings that the biggest star on this team is Eva Longoria. Yup. She is shown about 1 million times during a game, and she is a C List celebrity at best. Thats sad.

5.13.08

Shhhhhhhheeeit. I had Burger King today for the first time in a while. Apparently they have partnered with some guy named Indiana Jones. They have this contest where your given two scratchy things and you can only scratch one. You can win up to like 10,000 or you can LOSE. Even when I lost I would scratch the other one to see what I could've one. What would you do if you did that and saw it said 10,000 dollars? I would honestly go bonkers. I think I would shoot that Burger King up and demand my money. Could you imagine? Thats sucks....fuck you Indiana Jones.

5.12.08

I must say..."Whats Eating Gilbert Grape" is one of my favorite movies ever. I must have seen it at least 40 times, and I can never get sick of it. It just adds more fuel to my argument that Dicaprio is the greatest actor of our generation, or is well on his way to being it. His role as Arnie in this film is one of the greatest performances I have ever seen.

Why I like Obama

5.6.08

I wound up watching a NHL game that went into 4 Overtimes....even tho I could not name 1 single player between both teams. Why did I watch it in its entirety? Having invested about 3 somewhat hours into it, I felt I deserved an ending. The ending left me unsatisfied, as I realized I did not care for either team and either one winning did nothing for me.