McDonalds

Why the fuck does McDonalds breakfast end at 10:30? Who the hell is eating Chicken Nuggets at 10:30 in the morning? If you are eating nuggets that early then you seriously have a problem. The only people craving a Big Mac at that time are obviously on drugs. These are not people with reasonable rationale and their actions should not punish the rest of us.

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Life sized Jason

Check it out brothers.. for $200 bucks you could get this life sized Jason Vorhees that is about 6 to 7 feet and it moves.. and the mask comes off too! If you have this in your window who would dare come try to rob your house. Kids would be terrified and your house would become the house of legend and many a nightmare.

Man vs. Cow

So this guy got charged with animal cruelty for sticking his dick in the mouth of some cows. He was a *shock*  cop   *shock* Who wouldve ever guessed a cop for being crazy?! Anyway here the best part, which is from the news report...

"If the cow had the cognitive ability to form thought and speak, would it say, 'Where's the milk? I'm not getting any milk,' " Judge James J. Morley asked.

Lol. Who is this judge and why does he not have his own show on television. If the cow could speak I think it would say, "Why is this assholes shoving his cock in my mouth?" not "Where is the milk? I'm not getting any milk". I can picture it saying that in a british accent while wearing a monocle and smoking a long cigarette... "This device does not seem to be producing the milk... I wonder why that is?"

To read the rest of the article copy and paste this bad boy...

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/homepage/20090924_Animal-cruelty_charges_dropped_against_Burlington_County_cop.html

Man vs. Bee

Holy shit... watch until the end... one bee sting damn near disfigure s Bear Grylls on Man vs. Wild.

Ramblins

That was a web comic that started an internet sensation. Its pretty genius. If sharks could talk I bet they would say lewd things like that. In fact I bet most animals have mouths like sailors. I hope when I die that saying, "mouth like a sailor" dies too, and is replaced by "mouth like a Michael Johnston.

I'm watching this documentary called "Confessions of a Superhero" and it follows the lives of the "characters" on the Hollywood Boulevard. This lamer dressed as Superman really thinks posing for pictures on the sidewalk is going to land him a movie role... What an idiot... then again I'm watching a movie starring him right now. I took a picture with a skinny black guy dressed as Yoda and a mexican midget dressed as Chucky from "Childs Play" when I was in LA.

This Superman is not even in good shape... the costume is big and hangs off his frail body. If your going to pose as Superman every day at least go to the gym. And I swear to God the Marilyn Monroe woman is hideous... she looks like shes been on a diet of cigarette butts for the last 4 years... I would pay her just to get fucken lost.

Gaynimals

"I love when you kiss my penis like the French!"

"Hey There.."

Penis Nugget

You can bid on this penis shaped McNugget on ebay right here.... 

http://cgi.ebay.com/Bizarre-and-unusual-penis-shaped-chicken-nugget_W0QQitemZ260480387917QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item3ca5d74b4d&_trksid=p4999.c0.m14

OMG WTF LOL

Oh my God! That is a test shot from a costume trying when Nic Cage was scheduled to play Superman. It also might be one of the GAYEST pictures I have ever seen in my life. Imagine if this would have become an reality? This is the stuff of nightmares right there. He looks more like Bizarro Superman... and why is he wearing a spandex costume. Jeez... how could someone honestly tell him that looks good while keeping a straight face.

My Favorite Rap albums

2Pac - All Eyez on Me

Jay-Z - American Gangster

Eminem - The Eminem Show

Outkast - Aquemini

Biggie - Life After Death

Kanye West - Graduation

DMX - Its Dark and Hell is Hot

Mos Def - The New Danger

Bone Thugz - The Art of War

(no order)

Jay-Z - Blueprint 3

Eminem "The Relapse" is one of the best rap albums I have ever heard. It might actually be my favorite Eminem album. Jay-Z "The Blueprint 3" is one of my least favorite Jay-Z albums ever and exposes everything I had about the "new" Jay-Z. I heard some people who love Blueprint 3 and hated Relapse say they dont like Relapse because Eminem is rapping about the same old stuff. What?! Have you even listened to the album? Half of the songs are very personal about with his battles with addiction while the others are written in the first person perspective of a serial killer, while others are just the most off the wall crazy. Every song on Blueprint 3 is about how Jay-Z is ahead of the game and how everyone follows him and how hes so rich and loves his lifestyle. The reason why I will never consider Jay-Z on the same level as Biggie, 2Pac, and Eminem is because his songs are not personal at all. In Biggie and Pac you could feel the pain and anger they had in their hearts. You also got a sense of the paranoia of Pac. Eminems albums are like a autobiography. What does Jay rap about? Jay has never even admitted to being married to Beyonce on his records. He raps whatever style is popular at the time. When Biggie was on top Jay copied Big's style, now he copies Kanye West's style. Look at the people featured on Blueprint 3.... Mr Hudson, Kid Cudi, Drake... where is Beanie Segel and Memphis Bleek? Jay just latches on to whoever is hot at the moment. He's a leech. its a shame because "American Gangster" is a classic album, but this Blueprint 3 shit goes in the garbage bin with "Kingdom Come". Its a shame because I used to really like Jay-Z... the worst thing that ever happened to Jay-Z was Kanye West.

NFL Week 2

                             The future of the Jets... wearing a shirt that says "Ambiguous"

So week 2 is just about done and things in the NFL are going as expected. I've been pretty accurate with my picks as of late and have been winning all my bets. Mucho Dinero. Very few teams are horrible (Browns, Rams) and everyone seems like they can put up a fight. The biggest surprise for me is the 2-0 49ers... Singeltery has that team really working. The Titans are 0-2 which is no surprise as I felt that they and the Dolphins would be facing a big drop off this season.

- The Jets look real good. Sanchez looks like a lock for rookie of the year and I see no reason why the Jets can't win their division... a division that is VERY overrated. The Dolphins had some gimmicks last season that got them to the playoffs, but coordinators have probably figured it out by now. The Patriots had a fire sale and have a bad defense and lost their offensive coordinator. ... getting Brady back is not going to solve all these problems. The Bills aren't as bad as I thought and might actually wind up second in the division. They should be 2-0 right now and they still don't have Marshawn Lynch back.

-Texans are still a playoff team.

- The Giants barely won against the Cowboys but in reality they should of killed them. The running game needs to pick up and the red zone offense MUST improve. maybe now people are finally starting to see that Romo is not a franchise quarterback. The Boys have a lot of problems and Wade Phillips needs to go.

- Do the Jaguars have any wide receivers on their team? If so name one and I'll give you a prize.

- I love the Falcons. They are a fun fun team you just want to watch... like the Saints. They are basically the opposite of the Broncos (one of the most boring teams in the world)

- I'm not giving up on the Packers but they have a problem with their O-Line. Rodgers is getting hit way too much... they are a good O-Line away from a strong playoff run.

- The Raiders would be a good team if they had an actual QB. The team plays hard but JaMarcus Russell is incompetent. He goes like 4 for 30 every game and gets 100 yards total passing offense. Why did they release Jeff Garcia?

- The Browns are HORRIBLE. Eric Mangini is a scam, a hack, a liar, and a cheat. That little Bellichick clone should not have a job in the NFL.

- The Ravens are really good and I would not be surprised to see them win it all this year. I know I picked the Packers before the season started , but right now I would pick the Ravens. They have always been a defensive team but now they are a offensive team too.

Tonsils Day 3

Okay day 2 was a joke. I ate macaroni and cheese, huge chocolate milk, mashed potatoes, pudding.... I couldve even took down a bone, a fucking bone man!... I felt so good I was going to make a surprise appearance at my friends one day after surgery and raise some hell. Well today them shits are hurting pretty bad... maybe because I was talking too much yesterday. I think today they might start to scab... Looking back on some of my prior injuries and what not, I've decided to rank them in terms of pain...

1. Third Degree Burn - NOTHING compares to getting burnt. When I was like 5 I tried to walk across hot coals... needless to say its not like television... you actually get burnt.. who would've thunk it?

2. Panic Attack - While not physical, nothing is worse then feeling like you are literally losing your mind. This might be the scariest because everything else can be rationalized... you can always calm yourself down.. with a panic attack its damn near impossible because your mind is CRAZY!

3. Tonsils Day 1 - Projectile vomiting blood all over the room... unable to even swallow water... so exhausted from not eating you feel you might pass out... having a fever and a migraine.. having convulsions... Not too good.

4. Kidney Stones - So I wake up Sunday morning and run to the television (Sunday during the NFL season is a lot like Christmas to me but instead of running to the tree its the television) and I can't wait to watch my Giants. One problem. I feel one of the worst pains in my chest I have ever felt. Am I having a heart attack? "Dad I think I should go to the hospital." DAD: "Don't be stupid, you have a stomach ache." I am basically slithering off the couch when he finally decides to drive me there... and lo and behold it was a kidney stone shiffting around my belly (which was attributed to that demon called Muscle Milk... oh but its oh so good). As far as actually pissing the stone out of my dick, I have no recollection of it, due mainly in part to a combo of wine and painkillers.

5. Dislocated Shoulder - Now a days when it pops up I casually just pop it back in while still holding a conversation. When It first occurred however it hurt like a beyotch.. It kind of felt like someone sticking a knife into my shoulder and twisting it around.

6. Tooth Ache - Just a constant throbbing pain that actually had me punching walls in my house and running around shaking things like the Ultimate Warrior.

7. Wisdom Tooth Removal - What a joke. This is not very painful at all. As soon as I got home from the doctor I was chewing on pieces of iron... why? Because I fucking could!

8. Jon and Kate plus Eight - I watched half a episode the other day... it hurt my soul

Tonsils Day 1

Welcome to hell on earth... one of the worst nights of my life. I projected bloody vomit twice... one was a combo of chicken noodle soup and blood which i barely made into the blood. I also had a fever, the shakes, and at one point slight convulsions. I was convinced at this point that due to lack of eating and blood loss I was going to faint. That was day 1... today is a new day of "The Exorcist 4: The Devil comes to Queens"

If someone asks me what getting your tonsils out when your older is like then I will encourage them to watch "Trainspotting". I was ready to climb up the wall at one point last night.

I know some people (like my myself before) are asking how this is not awesome.. you sit at home eating ice cream, watching movies, and eating loads of vics. Number one you dont eat ice cream you eat sherbet, and every single thing you eat tastes wet cardboard. Second off your so fucked up you cant pay attention to no movie, and the vics just allow you to feel somewhat normal.

Now for the REALLY bad news... the effect the lost of the tonsils will have on my future. My voice has gone up a couple of octives so I sound like Michael Jackson now. Also, without the tonsils it is physically  impossible for me to pronounce the word "cunt". And worst of all I can no longer French kiss.... only American Kiss.

hell

 god it gets worse and worse i feel like im dantes inferno going thru the different levels. I cant eat... can barely drink and just before had the most painful hiccups of my life. Now I feel like I am going to throw up and i have a migraine plus a fever and chills. This really is as bad as advertised

Tonsils

Just got home from tonsil surgery... I can not swallow or talk but I am alive.

Fantasy Logo

They've added a feature where you can create your own Fantasy Football team logo.... this is mine...  I think I might get that tattooed on me.

RIP Patrick Swayze

Rest in Peace Patrick Swayze... You were a good man and Ghost is awesome and Dirty Dancing is pretty good with great music no homo. You got the cancer and didn't let it stop you as you kept on working on the television show "The Beast" and fought it for as long as you possibly could. I dont know how anyone can bash Swayze or really dislike him... he seemed like a genuine good guy.

Kanye West FAIL

Ok so Kanye did that.... First off Kanye is a gay fish and South Park murdered him... this chick shouldve of just told him to go eat some fish sticks. 

This moment reminded me of another moment that was damn near identical but a million times more awesome...

lets look at the differences and why one is awesome and one is not... first off ODB interrupts an award totally un-related to what he is talking about and he is at the Grammys

not some shitty MTV show. ODB is also expressing his concern over the fact that he went and spent all his money on a nice suit

Kanye West is representing Beyonce... ODB is representing the Wu-Tang fucking Clan! Beyonce is not for the children but Wu-Tang is for the children.

Fantasy

I was just thinking about trading cards and how they have died. I remember collecting basketball cards like a fiend and trading them and reading the stats... thats when it occurred to me... fantasy sports have killed the sporting card industry. In fantasy sports you do basically all the same things.... trade players, look at stats, and hope for the occasional insert (or monster game in fantasy). In the end your ultimate goal of this "hobby" is to make some money.

Tonsils and Death

So I'm getting my tonsils taken out in like 4 days or so and I have no idea what to expect. Today I went and gave blood and they handed me a will to fill out. I am not even joking. Am I going to die from damn tonsillectomy? Or maybe the anesthesia? Well let it be known then... I want a Viking funeral. Put me a slab of concrete and burn me in front of all m friends and make them watch every second. According to Wikipedia 1 in 25 die of this surgery. I'm not going to lie.... I'm actually excited. I can not wait to be prescribed a plethora of drugs and be forced to lay in bed and play video games and watch movies all day. If anything an overdose will be the death of me.

We will see... I was told right after my wisdom teeth were removed I would feel pain but I was chewing on bricks 20 minutes after. I've heard people claim this was the worst pain they have felt in their lives... you obviously don't know pain then.... try getting a third degree burn. The only thing I can imagine more painful then that is freezing to death (which luckily I have not tried yet). I've been getting pretty lucky lately with these really "painful" things. I had my wisdom teeth out and didn't feel a thing, and before that I pissed out a kidney stone without even realizing it. Maybe this is the bullet I don't dodge.

Speaking of death... would you want to know if you had like 3 months to live? Part of me wouldn't but the other "Bucket List" side of me would want to go do all sorts of crazy shit; like trying to ice skate again or walk around ghettos with Kramer or maybe even see a Staind show.

In my will I have one big request... I want someone to take this idea and turn it into a television pilot.... "A womanizer wealthy entrepreneur has to come to grips that his new multi-million dollar estate is inhabited by a ghost..... the ghost of a gay man!" Think of it like the "Odd Couple" meets well.... "Ghost". Maybe we can cast Charlie Sheen and Clay Aiken... you figure out which one plays which. The sad thing is i bet you this idea would work..... Speaking of ghosts, why am I watching a commercial with Billy Mays pitching me a product right now?

If I die during this operation just know that I am now dancing in heaven with Michael Jackson... considering they let child molesters in heaven... if not Jacko will be dancing alone there.

Artist

I want you guys to check out the website of probably my favorite artist...

http://ofsoundandvision.com/

I think his stuff is amazing and as soon as I save up enough money am going to get a huge print of this picture...

9.11.09

This runner who won a gold medal has been revealed to be a man... or a hermaphrodite... or a woman with testicles stuck in her stomach.... WHAT THE TWEET?! Bottom line is that this is not a woman.... NO SHIT. Ray Charles can see thats a dude and he's blind and dead. Look at it... it scares the hell out of me.

Auto - Tune

Watch this... this app makes me want to buy the iPhone. Holy shit. Anyone can now be a musician... why is T-Pain releasing this? He is going to ruin his career... and why the hell is that dog barking so damn much in the background?

NFL Preview

-Wow... what a picture... one of most disturbing things I have ever seen hands down. So watching the NFL Kickoff right now and watching the Black Eyed Peas perform... are they like the official band of the NFL or some shit. I think they have done every NFL pre game event for like the past 3 years. I'm pretty sure they did the pre-game for the last 3 Super Bowls. Speaking of Big Ben... the women who he raped said she wouldn't press charges if he admitted he raped her.... HA HA HA HA HA! I would love to see that press conference... "Yes I raped that women... now can we move on to the next question?"

-Shawn Merriman choked out Telia Tequila and he is being punished? He should be rewarded if anything. He was trying to do the world a favor. I love how she claims to not have been drinking.. your last name is "Tequila" for christs sake. Thats like showing up for your DWI with a name like "Drunk Idiot".

-I want the Giants to win the Super Bowl this year of course but I am going with the Green Bay Packers to win it all. It would not surprise me to see the Packers vs. Patriots or Packers vs. Steelers in the Super Bowl. 

-The teams I'm looking at making a big drop off are the Titans, Dolphins, and Cardinals. First off the Dolphins won a lot of games because teams were unfamiliar with their wildcat offense. They will need a new gimmick or something to steal some games... and plus Brady is back in their division. I'm still not sold on Collins as a starting QB and will think this year that drunk will finally break down. I dont think the Cardinals were that good last year and went on a lucky run... I bet they dont even make the playoffs this year.

-The Texans will be a playoff team

- the Cowboys are not dead in the water like people assume

- Favre will not make it thru the whole season

- Kyle Orton wont be starter for the Broncos for long... I have a feeling the newly released Jeff Garcia will wind up starting QB for that team

- JaMarcus Russell is your new Vince Young

- The Eagles shot themselves in the foot signing Vick... the first bad game McNabb has you have a QB controversy. Watch Vick wind up starting QB mid way thru the season.

- First game of the season... heres my prediction.... Steelers 24 Titans 13

9.10.09

Ok... "Lakeview Terrace" is pretty awesome and Samuel L. Jackson should have got an Oscar nom. This movie is unintentionally hilarious and entertaining as hell.

Bruno

Wow... Bruno pretty much sucked.. it sucked dick. It had a lot less heart and none of the likability of Borat. It also seemed very staged and went over the top with the gay jokes... to the point were most straight men probably wanted to leave the theatre and hunt down fags. I understand what Sasha Cohen is trying to do, but to most people his movies are just a few laughs at the expense of the jews and the fags. Most people dont get the irony when they sing "throw the jew down the well" and just see it as a way of showing their anti-semitic views without the criticism.  The big difference is that the Borat character is naive and has an innocence to him. He comes off as a genuinely nice guy confused by the racist beliefs of his culture... you root for him. Bruno is not like that. He is a prick. You don't care if the terrorist kills him... his racism is not a product of his culture but rather his own beliefs. What bothered me about Borat was that too many jokes went for shock value. The thing people remember most is the naked fighting. I always found the genius of Cohen to be his interviews and the quick wit he showed in them twisting peoples words and having them buy into his ignorance... this is probably why my favorite character remains Ali G. Bruno basically only goes for the visual shock. It will also make most people homophobic... in closing this movie is fucking gay.

Auto-Tune the News #8

Mets

Have we not faced enough embarrassment? The Mets used to visit kids in the hospital... now kids visit the Mets in the hospital.

Watching one of my favorite shows on television right now on Nat Geo... "Lockdown". In this episode the inmates find out a new prisoner is in there for molester a 3 month old baby. The inmates put a hit out on his life and the C.O. has to watch out for him to make sure he isn't killed. What would you do honestly if you were the C.O.? Would you turn a blind eye for a minute and let the molester get his justice? I would. BTW this show is a reality show no BS here.

Bastardization

This is wrong on so many levels.