Big Man Japan Trailer

Holy Shit... I think my brain exploded from levels of awesome that I can not comprehend. It's like someone was able to take my nightmares, rip them from my brain, and put them onto a film screen. When you buy a ticket to this film it should come with a joint.

2.24.09

I had to stop  at the bank and winded up parking in front of this very tiny internet cafe/computer store. It was a place I never noticed before, and behind the counter was a small Asian mad who looked sad as could be. Its a pretty safe assumption that this store is not doing good business, and I actually felt bad for this guy. I've been needing a Mac compatible USB storage device, so I figured why not give this guy business. One thing I've noticed about myself in my older age, is that I'm much more supportive of smaller businesses. I try to avoid big companies and go with cheaper and newer establishments or products. I feel that a lot of times a company like Sony has nothing to prove, where as a smaller newer company values you as a customer much more greatly.

So this place looked like the king of knock-off goods with about 6 computers by some brand I have NEVER heard of in my life. I've been lucky enough to own my own computer, and not have to visit a public internet cafe.... I never saw the appeal, I think it would be a little uncomfortable surfing through porn with a room full of people. This guy actually had a mac compatible USB which shocked the shit out of me... I figured I would just leave with a bootleg "Dark Knight" DVD. It came out to $19.00 bucks and I told him I would take it, he then started to punch in a ton of numbers into a calculator.  I don't know how he was figuring out the tax but it seemed like he was putting in the Quadratic Formula. "This much" he said and he showed me the calculator screen which read: 25.46790283940293   Huh? How the fuck am I suppose to pay that crazy number? I looked at it and said "What?" to which he replied, "What?" We then stared at each other in confusion for about 5 seconds. The point of the story is... wait, what the fuck is the point?

2.24.09

I've seen some more clips of "Watchmen" and read a shitload of reviews. I've gained a lot more hope,  but I still think it will not be able to live up to the way I imagined it in my head.

I simply feel that film I envision can not be made in todays day and age.  The film I want would have to have been filmed in the 70's.  My "Watchmen" would copy the tone, feel, and look of "Taxi Driver". If I was directing Watchmen I would dissect Taxi Driver and re-create that with superheroes. The costumes would be overly simple and awkward. I would purposely make them look cheap, homemade, and somewhat silly. These are real grown men dressed in crazy Halloween costumes fighting crime. I would have the actors make the costumes themselves. Where as Batman looks slick and cool in his costume, these guys would look out of place... the way a guy in real life would look running around fighting crime in spandex. The pacing of the film would be really slow too.... basically I would make a studio's nightmare. I would make a film involving super-heros that one would not dare call a "super-hero" movie. The action sequences would be nothing more then an afterthought.  Lets hope my instincts are wrong and this film really does the novel justice.

Shaq Attack 2

Shaq Attack

2.23.09

Fuck Amy Adams...

And I've just seen another clip from the "Watchmen" movie. God damn is it awful. It looks like the retarded child of the Matrix and the old Batman TV shows. Really crappy generic techno music mixed with an excessive use of slow motion. This clip pisses me the hell off because this director is missing the point and destroying a wonderful story. The heros are suppose to be old and past their prime... not kicking the asses of thousands of thugs. The fighting is suppose to be very realistic, not like some piss poor Jet Li film. In the novel these two characters are late 30's to early 40's... in this film its like two 20 year old kids. This story is the anti-superhero movie, not a cheap X-Men knock off. I can not wait until this film is eaten alive by critics.

MJ At the Oscars

Amy fuckin' Adams. I am not going to give the usual Oscar predictions here but rather tell a story... this story could be an awesome plot for a stoner comedy.. you could call it, "Chasing Amy" or rather, "Amy Fuckin' Adams". Heres the deal... one day I wake up and check my internets. On a bunch of sites I see a list of the Oscar winners which has apparently been leaked. I look it over not thinking much about it and forget about it. Flash forward a couple of days. I'm sitting in my house when the thought to gamble pops into my skull. Gamble on what tho? Football's over, baseball hasn't started, and basketball is very unpredictable... what else could I - Oh shit the Oscars! Oh Shit, I have a list of the winners! So we look over the gambling looking over odds and who do we see as the biggest longshot for Supporting Actress? Amy Adams. And she is also listed to win on the "leaked sheet". I have never been more excited for the Oscars in my life. When they announce best supporting actress my heart will be pounding more then Penelope Cruz. That ho better not win. If Amy Adams wins we are going to become Slumdog Millionaires.... hopefully by this time tomorrow I will be writing this blog from a tropical island.... screw that... I'm going to make Jurassic Park a reality. Thats what I will do with my money. I will make the Jurassic Park movie be "based on a true story".  You ever think about that.. what if I actually opened Jurassic Park and shit got out of hand and the dinosaurs started killing people like in the movie. Would that make the movie non fiction then? i just blew your mind.

Nintendo Classics - Toobin'

Today we will take a look at the NES classic, "Toobin'". Just looking at that "dude" above, I can certainly tell he was "hitting the tubes", it is very apparent he is stoned. There should be a disclaimer on this game to advise smoking pot before playing, as it becomes increasingly bizarre and racist, but we will get to that later.

So the story is some "dude" decides to jump in a tube with an unlimited supply of beer cans and just drift down a never ending river. All the while this dude fucks up the environment as much as humanly possibly by throwing empty beer cans at anything that moves. The game starts off in a normal river, while one evades alligators... soon enough however, we are fighting fucking aliens and UFO's and fucking robots and even the devil himself. My assumption is that this dude in the tube got bored after 5 minutes of paddling down a river and took some acid. This is the only way to explain why I am all of a sudden paddling down the river styxx. There is also a part where you go down an African river... it is here where some black "savages" who look like they have come straight out of a minstrel show, complete with huge red lips, shoot darts at you.

As children we all need role models... and this dude in the tube was one of mine. I thought his idea of a endless trip down a river in a tube while getting tanked was a genius idea. It was an idea I vowed to one day do myself. I also figured it was a great way ti see the world, and also experience great events in history via the time travel paddling in a tube seems to enable. The saddest part about all this is I'm not joking.

UPDATE: When I was writing this I was thinking to myself, "Man I would give my dick to play Toobin' again." Well, I was looking through my old playstation games and I found a game called "Arcade Party Pack" which contains "Toobin"! Fuck to the yeah. Lets get high on drugs!

Cell phones

In this era of cell phones, it is a very scary thing when the house telephone rings. As soon as the ring goes off, the whole house stops and looks at each other in bewilderment. "What the fuck sound is this I be hearing?!"  The faces depict terror, dismay, paranoia, and confusion. "Who would call the house and not my cell phone?!" The reaction it gets is the same as if someone went into the other room and screamed at the top of their lungs. "What could be wrong? Who is it? Has someone died? Did I fuck up my taxes?" Everyone is so stricken with fear that no one dare go to answer it. It's gotten to the point where no one will even check the caller ID to see who it is. The jury is still out on which brings the fear more.... House phone ringing or Draculas.

Kanye West - Welcome to Heartbreak

KANYE WEST "Welcome To Heartbreak" Directed by Nabil from nabil elderkin on Vimeo


Ok.... that is one of the coolest music videos I have ever seen. I have never seen anything like that before. I've never seen someone use pixelation in a transitional situation. At first I thought the vid was fucking up like I had bad connection. The vid kind of looks like a really bad stream. But then watch it and squint you eyes and you will realize you are watching one of the coolest things in life. btw, thats my favorite track from that album.

2.19.09

Did a job today for a guy where I had to film this mass. What I didn't realize was that the mass would be 4 hours long and not a word of it in English.... I have never uttered the phrase "God Damn" more while in church. I think when you watch the video you'll actually be able to hear me mumbling, "when the fuck does this shit end?" while in the background. I could not understand one single word uttered, but I'm pretty certain that this priest was pissed the F off... I also think that one of the songs was something about Kazakhstan. I was so bored I could literally feel insanity creeping into my cranium. I wanted to contort my body to spider form and crawl up to the altar like that bitch in "The Exorcist".

Iron Sheik on Ultimate Warrior's 6 Year Old Daughter

2.17.09

Watchmen is gonna suck.

Yup. I just watched a scene from the new film and I can confidently say it is going to suck. I can tell by the score, the acting, and the general feel the director failed to capture the essence of the book. For those wondering, the novel is amazing and a must read... but the all while reading the book I was thinking, "I would hate to have to adapt this." It's simply to large in scale to work as a single film. I also don't find it really all that marketable. Sure it has a huge fan base, but not like Batman, and I don't see it making the jump into mainstream. The heroes look kind of lame. They look very outdated (which makes sense in context to the book)

For the film i know this. It's director by the guy who did Dawn of the Dead and 300. The casting for the majority is horrible. It has been kept very secret and not given an advanced screening (bad sign) And even fanboys are refusing to comment on wether it was bad or good. This film has all the makings of a disaster.

Jackson Auction

So Jacko is auctioning off his posessions.... I was looking at the various items when I saw -

Jesus Christ! What is that, a Wacko Jacko Terminator? Christ Almighty, why does he own that? How much did that cost to make? That might be one of the most amazing things I have ever seen... I might have to get in on this auction and build my own robotic Jacko to send back in time to assasinate a young Barak Obama.

Then you have this gem.... Its like Jacko picked out random figures from history, and E.T. Was there absolutely any logic put into this painting? Such a thought could only come from a perverse twisted warped mind.

2.17.09

2.16.09

So I'm going to direct this music video for this song called "The Jungle". I heard it and was impressed by the rawness of it. Its a simple haunting beat with in your face raps and no hooks. It reminded me of old Wu-Tang or Onyx or something. I've been wanting to do a gritty video with no color and a real sense of isolationism. I'm looking to capture the loneliness one can feel in a crowded city, despite being smothered in people. I'm going to steer away from having a static camera as I feel it will help with the feeling o uneasiness and discomfort. This video comes at a great time for me as it fits my mood perfectly. My love affair with New York is growing sour by the day... I am ready to move to the fucking woods, grow my hair long, smoke lots of weed, and hunt animals of all sorts. Basically to become a hippie, who enjoys the occasional gangsta rap CD. You can't be someone who does not take life seriously and live in New York. New York is a very serious place driven by a cutthroat attitude and a will to suceed. Don't get me wrong, I love NY and will always be NY in my blood and soul, but seperation makes the heart grow fonder.

BTW: How many movies contain a scene with a guy turning on a computer and saying, "Morning (enter name)." Think about it.

2.14.09

From the dome, some Random Ramblins...

So it's all star weekend an I am watching HORSE... Or rather G-E-I-C-O. First off the whole weekend feels a little off with no Charles Barkley. Nothing was better then seeing them in Vegas and Barkley without a voice hungover as shit 50k lost at the tables. I really thought this Horse competition was going to be good.... it sucks. Me and my friends were more innovative and hit more shots then this. The slam dunk contest and some of the most clever and unique shit I've ever seen, but this is B-O-R-I-N-G. This is the first and probably the last time this is attempted.

I have never seen someone go from very to beloved to loathed as quickly as Brett Favre, The whole fiasco with the Packers tarnished his image greatly and I guarantee he regrets his time as a Jet. His season as a Jet now will most likely be nothing more then a trivia question.

Then we have this... some NHL announcer who has some of the funniest and unique calls when a goal is scored. He basically screams out random movie quotes... pretty good.

オバマ

Why is Obama in Japan? Why is Obama doing magic tricks? Yes We Can! I know big name actors do outrageous commercials for money over there, but this is taking it too far. YES HE CAN! CHANGE THE AMERICA!

What in the bluest of blue hells?

R.I.P Chris Brown

R.I.P 

CHRIS BROWN

Rest in Peace Chris Brown. If you like this guy, take one last look cause you probably have seen him for the last time. Chris Brown will always be remembered for his hits like "Runnin" and his other hit.... ummm... Rhianna? This guy is so screwed... they are saying Rhianna might even need plastic surgery now cause he punched her directly in the face. This kids going to lose a lot of people money. I also hear a rumor he assaulted Rhianna with a deal weapon.....

an umbrella.... ella.... ella.

Drunk Bees

This is insane.... In-fucking-sane! The bee above gets drunk as shit and can barely fly and crash lands. Outside the hive are bouncers/security guards whatever the hell you want to call them. They can tell very easy when a bee is drunk and they punish him ... the punishment.... getting your legs ripped off of course.

2.9.09

FUN FACT: That is actually me doing the commentating in this video. For the final in my Spanish 101 class we all had to call a Lucha Libre match on live TV.

A-Roid

Glorious Day! The biggest prick in sports got what was coming to him.... A-Rod, or should I say A-Fraud, or rather A-Roid, has been outted as a steroid abuser. Man oh man... this guy is really being shown for the true asshole he is. First off you have Joe Torre, a classy man who I respect, calling him out in his new book, and now this. When I look at the players who abused steroids, i notice a trend... they are all dickheads, and known in locker rooms for being ego-maniacs. First off you have Barry Bonds, known as one of the biggest assholes of all time in baseball. Then you have Roger Clemens, one of the most despicable bat throwing classless mother fuckers of all the time. Now you have the single white female Madonna dating slap the ball out of your hand, A-Fraud. Karma is a bitch. A-Rod should lose his whole paycheck and it should be refunded to Yankee fans who paid to go to the games. I thought steroids are suppose to enhance your hitting, not make you screw up in the playoffs.

Dr.Wahee

So that above is a scene from the Playstation game, "Mega Man 8". That voice acting is probably the WORSE of all the times. When I hear something like that I am astonished. I want you to just stop and imagine how that was made... someone actually got PAID to record that. Someone walked into a room full of Japanese guys and spoke uttered words... and then the probably gleefully clapped and PAID him. Someone got PAID for that.

9.5.09

Does anyone else find that commercial offensive to Asians? Im not even Asian and the first time I saw it, it left a tast in my mouth like I was gnawing on shit. Because of this commercial I now run up to random Asian people and scream "More Flags, More Fun!" directly into their face while making my eyes squinty.

Speaking of which, look at this picture....


Miley Cyrus and all her gay-Twilight wannabe- gay bckup dancers making fun of Asians... did I mention they were gay? i love how there is one Asian kid in the pick. I want to know how this picture came about.

For fucks sake man your amateur!

Sons of 1984 - People

New short little video I edited together for a bunch of hip hop websites. I actually didn't shoot any of this footage and was basically given a big mound of shit and told to make gold out of a hand held camera they had floating around and filming a studio session. I'm actually pretty pleased witht he final product. It feels like a real throwback rap video from the early nineties. The beat has this very smooth laid back feel and I wanted the video to give it that same justice. Its a good vid to light one up too and just sit back and mellow out. The opening guy Panama is from the show "The Wire" btw.

I recommend watching it in "HQ"

Dance Floor Dale

Directed by Eric Wareheim (Tim & Eric) in association with Warp Records and Warp Films. Music by Flying Lotus. Co Directed/ Animation by Devin Flynn. Co Directed/ Edited by Eric Fensler. More info at dancefloordale.com



Watch the whole thing!