Today we will take a look at the NES classic, "Toobin'". Just looking at that "dude" above, I can certainly tell he was "hitting the tubes", it is very apparent he is stoned. There should be a disclaimer on this game to advise smoking pot before playing, as it becomes increasingly bizarre and racist, but we will get to that later.
So the story is some "dude" decides to jump in a tube with an unlimited supply of beer cans and just drift down a never ending river. All the while this dude fucks up the environment as much as humanly possibly by throwing empty beer cans at anything that moves. The game starts off in a normal river, while one evades alligators... soon enough however, we are fighting fucking aliens and UFO's and fucking robots and even the devil himself. My assumption is that this dude in the tube got bored after 5 minutes of paddling down a river and took some acid. This is the only way to explain why I am all of a sudden paddling down the river styxx. There is also a part where you go down an African river... it is here where some black "savages" who look like they have come straight out of a minstrel show, complete with huge red lips, shoot darts at you.
As children we all need role models... and this dude in the tube was one of mine. I thought his idea of a endless trip down a river in a tube while getting tanked was a genius idea. It was an idea I vowed to one day do myself. I also figured it was a great way ti see the world, and also experience great events in history via the time travel paddling in a tube seems to enable. The saddest part about all this is I'm not joking.
UPDATE: When I was writing this I was thinking to myself, "Man I would give my dick to play Toobin' again." Well, I was looking through my old playstation games and I found a game called "Arcade Party Pack" which contains "Toobin"! Fuck to the yeah. Lets get high on drugs!
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