Get used to seeing this masterpiece every year sugar tits.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
10.30.07
Waiting for the fuckn delayed train writing this on my cellular device, hence the bad grammar n lack of capitalization. I was watchn the patriots sunday while they were leading the skins 38 to 0. They had the ball on the skins 10 yard line and it was 4th n inches. They then had brady run for a 1st followed by him throwing a td. That is classless n how u get a qb killed. Every defensiveman in the league will be lookn to end his season. I would love to see them try that shit on ray lewis. God damn, where the f is this train? Bottom of the 8th n the bosox r 5 outs away from another pennant; what is the only thing the announcers r talkng about? Gay- rod leavng the yanks. Its always bout them damn yankees! I think boston rather beat the yanks then win the world series...and how long has it been since a world series hasnt sucked balls? Have the last 4 years rly all been sweeps? Jesus what a tight train ride. I think i legally buttfucked two woman while sniffing a giants armpit.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Most Annoying People Ever...
1. Dane Cook - I REFUSE to watch the MLB Playoffs, not because the teams suck, but because of this unfunny emo asshole doing the commercials. I really hate this guy, to the point where I would put a bullet between his eyes. He also steals a lot of his material. There is nothing good about this man. I wish he would just die. Anyone who watched "Tourgasm" has to agree with me.
2. Criss Angel - This guy is a tool. His magic is as fake as can be, and every person he does "magic" onto his show is a paid actor. He is the nerdy, gothic, kid in highschool who figured magic was a way to get laid. Recently he's been paling around with Britney Spears. Good Job! It doesn't get any lower then that. Am I the only one who prays the worst possible thing happens when he does one of his tricks? The one day he can't get the chains off and drowns is going to become a holiday.
3. Star Jones - She should've died when she got her gastric bypass surgery. She then lied about it. She told the world she was just dieting. In my opinion she is the least attractive female on the earth. You know what...She is the most annoying person ever. I am not telling anyone to do it...BUT lets just say that someone was to murder he. Would it be that bad? Shes ugly but remain arrogant. She is also racist and a child molester.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Chocolate Rain...
I'm speechless...but I'll be damned if this song is not stuck in your head forever. The music reminds me of the theme from "The Exorcist", and I may not know what the fuck the lyrics might mean...but I do know that they are VERY deep, way over my IQ level and probably yours.
"Chocolate Rain...Cleans the sewers out below Mumbat."
Saturday, October 20, 2007
1 Year Anniversary!
Yup...Its true...this shit hole is officially 1 years old. It started with a post about the Mets losing, and was followed by a story of a Walrus masturbating. What a long way it has come. It now includes stories of the supernatural, critiques of the Bible, movie reviews, a film journal, and much much more. Up above is a masterpiece I drew up...its my gift to all of you, click on it for the full effect. More great things are to come.
Now for TWO movie reviews. I went to see "Dahjee Limited" or however the hell is spelt. I usually enjoy Wes Anderson movies, I like them a lot. But this....this was awful. I feel that the movie never started. The whole time I was waiting for it to start, and then it just ended. It was basically and excuse for these guys to take a trip to India. But this is not the true story here. After seeing that we weren't completed, we needed something else...something stupid. Something where we didn't have to think. So we snuck into the only other movie playing at that time. What I witnessed was hands down, the worst movie I have ever seen. But it wasn't bad like Dahjing Limited. No, this was so bad it was enjoyable. I laughed to death, thinking how the fuck could something like this get made. It gave me great confidence in my own abilities. There were about 5 people total in the theater, and 2 left during the film. I am actually going to recommend this film, but being drunk or stoned when you walk in. What is it you ask. It is a little film called "The Comebacks".
Now for TWO movie reviews. I went to see "Dahjee Limited" or however the hell is spelt. I usually enjoy Wes Anderson movies, I like them a lot. But this....this was awful. I feel that the movie never started. The whole time I was waiting for it to start, and then it just ended. It was basically and excuse for these guys to take a trip to India. But this is not the true story here. After seeing that we weren't completed, we needed something else...something stupid. Something where we didn't have to think. So we snuck into the only other movie playing at that time. What I witnessed was hands down, the worst movie I have ever seen. But it wasn't bad like Dahjing Limited. No, this was so bad it was enjoyable. I laughed to death, thinking how the fuck could something like this get made. It gave me great confidence in my own abilities. There were about 5 people total in the theater, and 2 left during the film. I am actually going to recommend this film, but being drunk or stoned when you walk in. What is it you ask. It is a little film called "The Comebacks".
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
10.17.07
How many people have really gotten a fucking needle in a apple they received on Halloween trick or treating? Who has received a fucking apple anyway?!
I put this urban legend with the rest of the needle scares. It seems like for a period of time everyone was obsessed with hyperdermic needles. Let me see if you remeber these two.....
Be careful when you sit down at a movie theatre. AID's patients who are angry at the world have planted hidden needles within seats, conatining the HIV. When you sit down it pricks your ass and your fucked.
Or.....Make sure you always look before you use a pay phone, cause there is a AID's needle hidden in the ear part. How the hell did they AID's stricken person get the needle in the phone? The opened the phone, put in the needle and then closed it up. I remeber these warnings, I even used to check this shit. Well I gotta go...Halloween is a coming and I got some needles to insert into some apples.
I put this urban legend with the rest of the needle scares. It seems like for a period of time everyone was obsessed with hyperdermic needles. Let me see if you remeber these two.....
Be careful when you sit down at a movie theatre. AID's patients who are angry at the world have planted hidden needles within seats, conatining the HIV. When you sit down it pricks your ass and your fucked.
Or.....Make sure you always look before you use a pay phone, cause there is a AID's needle hidden in the ear part. How the hell did they AID's stricken person get the needle in the phone? The opened the phone, put in the needle and then closed it up. I remeber these warnings, I even used to check this shit. Well I gotta go...Halloween is a coming and I got some needles to insert into some apples.
Monday, October 15, 2007
10.15.07
Ladies...with Halloween right around the corner, you have to consider your options for a costume:
-Sexy Nurse
-Sexy Nun
-Sexy Cop
-Sexy Witch
-Sexy Devil
-Sexy Terrorist
-Sexy Maid
-Sexy Fireman
-Sexy Cat
-Sexy Teacher
-Sexy Nurse
-Sexy Nun
-Sexy Cop
-Sexy Witch
-Sexy Devil
-Sexy Terrorist
-Sexy Maid
-Sexy Fireman
-Sexy Cat
-Sexy Teacher
Thursday, October 11, 2007
10.11.07
Three great shows on TV right now...
First is "Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia" on FX. This show has been hitting on all cylinders, and is becoming one of my all time favorite comedies. Shit, it is well on its way to being right behind Seinfeld. How good is this show? One of the recent episodes had Danny Devito dropping acid.
Next up...a new show on A&E called "Last One Standing". This show takes cocky buff Americans, and puts them in an African Tribe to fight. Guess what happens? These guys totally get their asses kicked hardcore. The tribe also makes these Americans go through "rituals". I'm pretty sure the tribe is just fucking with them. The last one I saw had the tribe cutting up the Americans whole body with piranha teeth, and then pouring salt all over the wounds. This show kicks ass.
The last show, which is basically a guilty pleasure, is "Kid Nation." Its basically Lord of the Flies televised. It's very sappy at times but there is something about it that sucks you in. Its also pretty cool to see 12 year old kids beheading chickens. This one might not be for everyone, but its very well produced.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Irish Fest
What a weekend. Out in Long Beach it was "Irish Fest". Or as I like to call it, "Who can wear the wittiest shirt about how much they drink Fest". Another good shirt would be, "If your piss drunk in the back of a hole in the wall pub sucking face with a fat freckley faced whore...the you might just be Irish!"
Anyway the real adventures began on our way home. We had been drinking since 8PM. Drinking pretty hardcore. We traveled in a pack of 6 which had dwindled down to 4 now. 3 of us left a bar and couldn't find our other posse member, whos phone died, and who wound up getting stranded there and living a night as a homeless. Swear to God, he told me his story and its just as wild as this. So now the 3 of us... me, my cousin, and some girl, get into my cousins HUGE white Escalade with 22 inch rims. Definetly not a vehicle that stands out. On a long stretch a BMW burned us and was looking to ignite a race. We backed off and minutes later this guy gets pulled over by the cops. We all pointed and laughed...this is called foreshadowing kids!
I didn't realize how trashed my cousin was until we reached the parkway. At this point he is pushing this truck 116 MPH. We keep drifting way too close to the steel side of the road. At first I thought he was showing off and testing just how close he could get. I called him a dick and we moved on. From out of nowhere from behind we hear the sirens and flashing lights. We get pulled over and my cousin is pulled out, breathalyzed, handcuffed, and thrown in the back of the cop car. They then breathalyze the girl, and tell her she cant drive. The cop then asks me if I had been drinking, to which I replied, "Yes.. Long and a lot". I then blew into the breathalyzer and the cop looked at it with a disgusted look. He looked at me and said, "You are acting alright..you can drive." I was piss drunk and he handed me the keys. I started up the car and drove directly into a street light. Kidding...I made it back to his house...but it doesn't end here.
Me and this girl are trying to get into the house with his keys. We try calling him but no answer. We try every door possible but cant get in. Finally we gave up and sat on the porch. She proved useless to me and I sent her home. So I call my friend and he tells him to open the garage thru the car. Ok, so I do that and enter into the house....
WOOvWOO WOOO WOOO WOOO WOO! Yup. The alarm system started going off like crazy and I had no idea what the fucking password was. Im trying like a mad man to shut it off, and it goes on for about 15 minutes. Then I look out the front window and there are the police. They are now surrounding the house telling me to come out with my hands up. I ran out and pointed my finger like a gun at the police and yelled "bang". They then opened fire....not really. This story doesnt have a great ending. The police did come but I explained the situation. My cousin got out that night with a DWI, and is basically fucked. The moral of this story is not to drink and drive.
Anyway the real adventures began on our way home. We had been drinking since 8PM. Drinking pretty hardcore. We traveled in a pack of 6 which had dwindled down to 4 now. 3 of us left a bar and couldn't find our other posse member, whos phone died, and who wound up getting stranded there and living a night as a homeless. Swear to God, he told me his story and its just as wild as this. So now the 3 of us... me, my cousin, and some girl, get into my cousins HUGE white Escalade with 22 inch rims. Definetly not a vehicle that stands out. On a long stretch a BMW burned us and was looking to ignite a race. We backed off and minutes later this guy gets pulled over by the cops. We all pointed and laughed...this is called foreshadowing kids!
I didn't realize how trashed my cousin was until we reached the parkway. At this point he is pushing this truck 116 MPH. We keep drifting way too close to the steel side of the road. At first I thought he was showing off and testing just how close he could get. I called him a dick and we moved on. From out of nowhere from behind we hear the sirens and flashing lights. We get pulled over and my cousin is pulled out, breathalyzed, handcuffed, and thrown in the back of the cop car. They then breathalyze the girl, and tell her she cant drive. The cop then asks me if I had been drinking, to which I replied, "Yes.. Long and a lot". I then blew into the breathalyzer and the cop looked at it with a disgusted look. He looked at me and said, "You are acting alright..you can drive." I was piss drunk and he handed me the keys. I started up the car and drove directly into a street light. Kidding...I made it back to his house...but it doesn't end here.
Me and this girl are trying to get into the house with his keys. We try calling him but no answer. We try every door possible but cant get in. Finally we gave up and sat on the porch. She proved useless to me and I sent her home. So I call my friend and he tells him to open the garage thru the car. Ok, so I do that and enter into the house....
WOOvWOO WOOO WOOO WOOO WOO! Yup. The alarm system started going off like crazy and I had no idea what the fucking password was. Im trying like a mad man to shut it off, and it goes on for about 15 minutes. Then I look out the front window and there are the police. They are now surrounding the house telling me to come out with my hands up. I ran out and pointed my finger like a gun at the police and yelled "bang". They then opened fire....not really. This story doesnt have a great ending. The police did come but I explained the situation. My cousin got out that night with a DWI, and is basically fucked. The moral of this story is not to drink and drive.
Friday, October 05, 2007
10.5.07
These are probably my favorite lyrics ever in a rap song...I thought I would post them here. These are pretty unusual lyrics, and is basically a story about a zombie. And everyone knows my two favorite things in the world are hip hop and zombies....
"The Cool" by Lupe Fiasco
He came back
In the same suit that he was buried in
Similar to the one his grand father was married in
Yes... he was still fresh to death
bling, two ear-rings, a chain laying on his chest
He still had it cuz they couldn't find it
And the bullets from his enemies sat like two inches behind it
smelled the Hennesy from when his niggas got reminded
and poured out liquor in his memory, he didn't mind it, But...
He couldn't sip it fast enough
So the liquor was just filling the casket up
floating down by his feet was the letter from his sister
Second Grade hand-writing simply read "I miss ya"
Suit jacket pocket held his baby daughter's picture
Right next to it one of his man's stuck a swisher
He had a notion as he laid there soaking
Saw that the latch was broken, he kicked his casket open
Not at all nervous as he dug to the surface
Tarnished gold chain is what he loosened up the earth with
He used his mouth as a shovel to try and hollow it
and when he couldn't dirt spit... swallowed it
Working like a.. hmm.. reverse archaeologist
Except.. his buried treasure was sunshine
So when some shined through a hole that he had drove
it reflected off the gold and almost made son blind
He grabbed on to some grass, he climbed
Pulled himself up out of his own grave and looked at the time
On the watch that had stopped six months after the shots
That had got him in the box wringing Henny out his socks
Figured it was hours because he wasn't older
Used some flowers to brush the dirt up off his shoulders - so..
With a right hand that was all bones and no reason to stay
Decided to walk home
He begged for some change to get him on a train
"Damn that nigga stank", is what they complained
Tried to light the blunt but it burst into flames
Caught the reflection in the window of what he became
A long look... Wasn't shook, wasn't ashamed
Matter fact only thing on his brain was brains.. yeah
And getting back in his lane, doing his thang
First he had to find something to slang
Next stop was his block
It had the same cops
Walked right past the same spot where he was shot
Shocked that some lil' niggas tried to sell him rocks
It just felt weird being on the opposite
They figured that he wasn't from there
so they pulled out and robbed him
with the same gun they shot him with
Put it to his head and said "You scared ain't ya?"
He said: "Hustler for death. No heaven for a gangsta."
"The Cool" by Lupe Fiasco
He came back
In the same suit that he was buried in
Similar to the one his grand father was married in
Yes... he was still fresh to death
bling, two ear-rings, a chain laying on his chest
He still had it cuz they couldn't find it
And the bullets from his enemies sat like two inches behind it
smelled the Hennesy from when his niggas got reminded
and poured out liquor in his memory, he didn't mind it, But...
He couldn't sip it fast enough
So the liquor was just filling the casket up
floating down by his feet was the letter from his sister
Second Grade hand-writing simply read "I miss ya"
Suit jacket pocket held his baby daughter's picture
Right next to it one of his man's stuck a swisher
He had a notion as he laid there soaking
Saw that the latch was broken, he kicked his casket open
Not at all nervous as he dug to the surface
Tarnished gold chain is what he loosened up the earth with
He used his mouth as a shovel to try and hollow it
and when he couldn't dirt spit... swallowed it
Working like a.. hmm.. reverse archaeologist
Except.. his buried treasure was sunshine
So when some shined through a hole that he had drove
it reflected off the gold and almost made son blind
He grabbed on to some grass, he climbed
Pulled himself up out of his own grave and looked at the time
On the watch that had stopped six months after the shots
That had got him in the box wringing Henny out his socks
Figured it was hours because he wasn't older
Used some flowers to brush the dirt up off his shoulders - so..
With a right hand that was all bones and no reason to stay
Decided to walk home
He begged for some change to get him on a train
"Damn that nigga stank", is what they complained
Tried to light the blunt but it burst into flames
Caught the reflection in the window of what he became
A long look... Wasn't shook, wasn't ashamed
Matter fact only thing on his brain was brains.. yeah
And getting back in his lane, doing his thang
First he had to find something to slang
Next stop was his block
It had the same cops
Walked right past the same spot where he was shot
Shocked that some lil' niggas tried to sell him rocks
It just felt weird being on the opposite
They figured that he wasn't from there
so they pulled out and robbed him
with the same gun they shot him with
Put it to his head and said "You scared ain't ya?"
He said: "Hustler for death. No heaven for a gangsta."
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
10.02.07
So we got some news ...... First off Britney Spears has lost her children to....K-Fed! What?! Thats pretty bad...when you lose your kids to a guy like that...you are a VERY bad parent. The only two things K-Fed knows how to do is roll joints and order Dominos. Besides this fact...he is still a MUCH better parent then Britney. Back in the day people would give their left nut to have sex with Britney, now a days you would have to get me hammered drunk just to kiss her....actually the thought makes me sick.
Marc Ecko bought Barry Bonds ball and had a vote on what should be done with it. The people want it to be put into the hall of fame with a asterick drawn on it. I'm kinda pissed...I voted for it to be shot into outer space in a rocket ship.
Tunite was the premiere episode of "Cavemen", based on the Geico commercial. If you watch that show you are a fucking idiot.
Baseball playoffs are coming. Before the season started I picked the Cleveland Indians to win the whole thing, and I'm sticking with them...sorry Yanks.
Wow...come October 20th...Random Ramblin's officially one years old. Does time fly by fast or what? It's funny because the first post ever was about the Mets blowing it...some things never change.
Halloween is right around the corner too. Im still debating on what costume I should get. It has to be something witty, and not something everyone else is going to be wearing...unless I would go as a slutty school girl. Anyway...here is a pic of me in my costume from Halloween last year.
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