Top 10 Pick Up Lines

TOP PICK UP LINES:

1.Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
2. Say, did we go to different schools together?
3.What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this??
4. You probably taken a shower before, but have you ever tried a "golden" one?
5. You know what I like about you? My arms.
6. You had me at "Hello".
7. You know Jesus? Hey, me too!
8. Lingual is not the only thing I'm "Bi" in. (wink)
9. Nice braclet. What would Jesus date? I mean "do".
10.I know a church where we could go and talk.

Ok...maybe the last four were from a site called, "Christian pick-up lines," but they still work.

4.29.07

Here are some lyrics to a rap song I wrote....

"So take 3 steps fowards and about face,
its one step foward and always a step back,
and its hard to come back,
when you fall off track,
What might start as a small little crack,
might one day shatter the whole glass,
And I wrote this sitting in the back of class, Didnt pass,
but what was I knowing,
Physically my body was showing,
but my mind wasnt there,
As he teaches about equations and b 2 squared,
I was dreaming about my first movie premiere,
my head in the air,
or rather in the clouds,
Can't admit I'm fucking up cause I'm just too proud,
Feeling like a day not wasted, was a day wasted,
knew what I had to do but couldn't face it..."

4.27.07

Sorry but it's true. New Jersey is like the little runty brother of New York. And the Statue of Liberty is like the woman they are both fighting over. I'm sorry Jersey..Ellis Island might be in Jersey but the Statue of Liberty is all ours! And the same applies for the New York Giants...the NEW YORK Giants. I would however give the Jets to New Jersey. I dont really have a problem with New Jersey but its just accepted that it sucks. I think even Jerseians will tell you. New Jersey is the Garbage State. Everyone is dying from cancer over there and it really does smell like shit. Making it smells like garbage because it is filled with white trash. HA HA HA!

4.24.07

I went today to pick up my son from karate class, and God Dammit, the class was running long! Listen up Sensai, I don't care what color belt you wear..cause all I know is my belt comes off and we call it the "Black and Blue" belt or the "Welt Belt". If that ain't making things clear enough for you Sensai, I'm going to beat you within an inch of your life with my belt!

Johnny Appleseed.

YEEEEEEEEES! It feels just like Christmas morning, or when the clock strikes 12 on New Years. This is a MAJOR MAJOR holiday, and yes I'm aware that the Jews refuse to celebrate it. But before I tell you my plans, we must look at the history, and Johnny Appleseed....

Yup, thats him. One of the most feared men in history. He was a very tall, slim, agile man; who suffered from schizophrenia. He was also the uncaught "Jack the Ripper", but those were in his later years , and I'm not covering that. It all started when God made Adam and Johnny in the Garden of Eden. God became so repulsed by watching the act of gay sex, that he then made Eve. Adam and Eve became a couple, and the flamboyantly gay Johnny became very jealous. He then convinced Eve to eat one of Gods forbidden apples. When God found out, he condemmed Johnny to eternal life, doing nothing but planting apple trees about the world. Lets fast foward to April 22, 1846...The date which Earth Day was conceived. Johnny Apleseed was eating the eyes of some Native American children (BTW: He only eats childrens eyes) when some colonials came across him and unloaded all the ammo they had on him. He vanished without a trace, and the celebration of "Earth Day" was born. However, some people to this day still have sightings of Johnny Appleseed.

And thats that. So what am I doing for Earth Day? Well I'm going to take my two little children to the park....Ok, they are not actually my children by birth.....Ok, they might just be two kids I kidnapped, but we will have a fun Earth Day regardless.

4.21.07

1 Day until....
EARTH DAY!

Now I present to you the "Official" Earth Day Song (dont hold me accountable, I didn't make this up):

"Oh Earth, you are a planet,
But they ruin you, God dammit!
You are the best fucking planet,
If you were a black women you would be named Janet,
If you were a women I would take you out for dinner,
Then we could adopt Asian children,
Maybe we'll kiss like the French,
and I'll "accidently" finger your butthole,
But you can also be a bad mommy,
like killing those dudes with the Tsunami,
But at least you don't shoot up schools,
cause that just ain't cool,
You feel more natural then pregnant girl porn,
And New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits,
but Chinese food makes me sick."

4.18.07

Lets talk about Queens, New York...It is the "Capital of Charisma". The most charismatic people come out of Queens...BELIEVE DAT! Here is a list of some:

-James Brown
-Charlie Chaplin
-Bob Costas
-Rodney Dangerfield
-LL Cool J
-50 Cent
-Madonna
-Paul Newman
-Babe Ruth
-Jerry Seinfeld
-Jerry Springer
-Donald Trump
-Christopher Walken

Thats like a list of the best people ever...It makes me proud to be from the same place as Christopher Walken...

4.13.07

Why are the cops bothering this guy? Okay, he might be drunk, be he admits that. But if they would just listen to him, its obvious he wasn't driving. A "motherfucker" jumped into his lap while he was driving, and he told her to jump off. Now is that really his fault?! Videos like this make me hate the police even more.

4.9.07

What do I have to say? Well I got a quick interesting little story for. You may not remember it, but think back to that movie "The Fugitive". You know, with Tommy Lee Jones and Harrison Ford? Well it is based off the TV show which is based off actual events. Anyway...I was talking to someone who knew someone who spent time in jail, and at one point the "Fugitive" was his cell mate. Now the story with the "fugitive" is that a doctor comes home to find his wife dying and sees a mysterious man fleeing. He then flees the cops. Well apparently, the "fugitive" confessed that he actually did kill his wife. You might not find this interesting but some fanboys might have a heart attack when they hear this.

Another story from this same guy...who worked as a government official. Quick tidbit....Bill Clinton was a big time cokehead. For a period of time he talked to police. One cop confided in him his deep feelings as he was undercover, very similar to DiCaprio in "The Departed". This guys undercover work led to his wife divorcing him and he also had the FBI investigating him for criminal charges. Apparently he was real close to snapping, just like DiCaprio, and this guy said Dicaprio had the acting down pat. I don't know, just some shit I found interesting...

4.08.07

Easter Sunday - The Day Jesus became a zombie!
Wanna know how to get chicks...just take this movie as an example. This is ACTUAL dialogue from the movie, "Shark Attack 3: Megalodon". This wasn't tampered with at all, and it may be one of the greatest movie lines ever. This is my Easter gift to you...(Click the pic, for you non-computer savvy people)

4.4.07

Spring Break & Boobies
You might have seen "Spring Break" on television. You probably think its all girls flashing boobies and making out...and dancing and drinking, and partying like Roman kings! Your fucking wrong bucko! Spring Break isn't nearly as glamorous as it is portrayed on television. Does waking up covered in your own urine, at 5 in the afternoon, not knowing what day it is glamorous? Is eating 3 day old Domino's pizza every day glamorous? Is it glamorous that I can't even get it up anymore?! Huh? No but seriously...this spring break hasn't been so great thus far. Thank god I got my New York Mets playing again. I really should have planned a vacation or something. Enuff of that tho....I used the word earlier, and I think its my favorite word right now....and that word is BOOBIES! This is such a great word...its so much classier then saying, "Look at the tits on her!" Now there are many different terms you can use to call a girls breasts...Boobies is still my favorite tho....Here are what breasts were called over the years.....



OTHER NAMES FOR BOOOOOOOOOOBIES!

1930s: boobies, fried eggs, knobs, knockers, the twins
1940s: balloons, boobs, maracas, pair
1950s: cans, jugs, lungs, melons, bazooms, TNT (two nifty tits), gazongas, goonas, snorbs, hooters, wallopies, nay nays, milk bar, shock absorbers
1960s: baby bumpers, bazookas, funsacks, rack, chabobs, chichibangas, credentials, nice pair of eyes, tremblers
1970s: honkers, mammaries, bazongas, chalubbies, dangleberries, glands, tit lottery (beauty contest)
1980s: tatas, flight deck, handles, balangas, bazoombas, num-nums, bongos, top set
1990s: fuck udders, puppies, rib cushions, shoulder boulders, chebs, chest flesh, ditties, fleshy bagpipes, nards, nugs, willets


LoL...ok there are a few good ones there... TNT (two nifty tits), nay nays, credentials....

4.1.07

Im Joining the Marines...

You know...I'm about to finish up this 2-year college and get my associates. But then what...I have no idea what I want to do afterwards. I just figured I would go to another college and get my bachelors...but thats not what my heart wants. I have this emptiness, like an icebox where my heart used to be. I want to actually make a difference. I want to help my society...to help this country I love! I want to shoot some Arabian cocksuckers in the name of freedom. You don't like Democracy mother fucker?! Well...now your dead! I want to shave my head and be told when to wake up and have a normal schedule. I'm joining the Marines. This is what I've decided. I want to die for this country....Oh by the way, April Fools.