12.27.07

Just got back from the hospital...heres some good news. I got prescribed medicine but there is a chance that in my drunken drugged stupor that I might have passed the stone without even realizing it. On Christmas night I was such a drunken mess people thought I was the ghost of Anna Nicole Smith coming to take them on a journey through Christmas past. I think I might have passed it on that day. If not then its still coming and will come on out in Florida.

Well this blog is going to be taking a vacation for about a week or two as I'm going down to Florida to spend New Years. Happy New Years to all you jabronis. Oh BTW, I strongly reccomend watching "Blade Runner: Final Cut". Its a film noir decorated in sci fi. IMO it has the best sets I have ever seen in a film and some of the best cinematography. It is definetly one of the top 5 Sci Fi films. Peace out Beatrices.

12.26.07

Yo yo yo yo Yo! So I still havent passed this god damn stone, and tommorrow I go back to the hospital and the specialist. I'm guessing surgery at this point....The method involves a rusty coat hanger with a piece of chewed bubblegum on the tip. That is then inserted into my dick head and shoved up my uretha. It mite be kinda enjoyable now that I think about it.

Heres even crazier news..Jamie Lynn Spears didn't actually get pregnant by that guy she was saying was the father. She actually got pregnant by a old man who is the producer on her Nickelodeon show. So this kid could be getting set up so this guy doesn't go to jail for kiddie rape. This story is going to be huge, trust me, your never going to hear the end of this, its gonna be bigger then Anna Nicoles death.

Christmas Morning..

God damn! I still did't pass this fucking stone...I drank SO MUCH water yesterday I mustve pissed at least 60 times. Its actually 3 PM right now, and I suppose to go to some family dinner shit, but once again Im on a bunch of painkillers...you would be too if a rock was gonna come out your dickhole! A part of me wanted to pass this on Christmas. You know how if your naughty Santa gives you coal, well Santa gave me stones.

X-MAS

Today is the day that Santa Claus died for our sins or something...Merry X-Mas.

The Day

Its now 5:30 and no such luck. I have now really bad chills, I am like fucking freezing and I have just popped my first oxycodone. I've been drinking an ungodly amount of water like a camel, getting my piss to look like water, which is what they said to do. The wait continues..I think Its almost time tho..hopefully tunite.

The Night....

Ok....the waiting game. Besides the fear, there is a rush I'm getting. Everyone says how painful it is, how bloody its gonna be. I wanna see it, I wanna feel it. Its like that roller coaster. I bet you the pain ain't all its hyped up to be. I've come to notice that anyone that has any sort of pain always over hypes it to make themselves seem more bad ass. I've had third degree burns on the bottom of my foot...that is pain. Nothing can top that, not no stones coming out of my dick. I've been drinking water like a madman all night hoping to pass it...no such luck right now...I'm hoping tommorrow.

BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!

I woke up this morning to see the Giants down 14 - 0. But that wasn't all...something didn't feel right. It felt like the whole right side of my stomach was being stabbed...pretty badly. I tried to sit down but couldn't, the pain was unbearably. This was crazy and it wasn't going away, so I decided to go to the hospital. So I just got my Christmas gift a little early...In the next 48 hours a stone is going to come out of my dick hole. BA HUMBUG! Every time i stand in the front of the toilet I brace myself, brace myself for mayhem....brace myself for the male version of giving birth. The waiting is the worst part....I feel like a kid knowing he has to go get needles at the doctor. So whats the positive? I got prescribed crazy painkillers and I'm gonna walk around like Anna Nicole Smith right before her death. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared as fuck..but then again I'm not like normal men, my pain threshold is ungodly. I realize this is one of those moments that makes a man. I will tell my grandkids about this experience....oh and heres another fun fact, there is a certain size they deem too big and blast with a laser into smaller one...mine is the next smallest. SO HERE WE GO....

THE COUNTDOWN IS ON!!!!!!!

MJ At the Movies

This movie has been killing every box office record and quite frankly its pretty good. The coming attractions don't really let on to what it is...but it is a zombie flick. Im talking about the "28 Days Later" fast running angry screaming zombies. Although one could make the argument that they are more vampiric...as they cant go in sunlight and suck blood. This movie is actually a remake of the old film, "The Last Man on Earth", but follows the zombie formula of many other films.

Will Smith gives a great performance here, as for the majority of the film he acts alongside a dog, who should win "best supporting actor". In this regard it reminded me of "Castaway" with Tom Hanks and the volleyball.

The movie stalls in the middle but overall is very enjoyable...it does however feel short and could've ran a little longer. Some things aren't really explained, mainly why the one zombie is so much smarter then the rest and becomes the leader...setting up traps and organizing them like an army.

The movie is alot more of a downer then one would expect for a blockbuster, as nothing goes right in Will Smiths life. Now...having researched the book this film was based on, they really simplified it. In the book the lead character is just some average joe. In the movie Will Smith is a senator or some shit/scientific genius. In the book this guy tries teaching himself science by going to the library a lot. In the movie Will Smith hangs out at a Virgin record store renting movies and hitting on mannequins. The book seems a tad more interesting to me, as it deals more with the mental issues the main character goes through.

This film also reminds me of one of my favorite cheesy 80's horror movies, "Night of the Comet". That movie is about two valley girls who somehow survive a comet blast and are the last people on earth, except for everyone else who the comet turned into zombies. I strongly recommend this film as it oozes eighties and has become a cult classic. As for "I Am Legend", I am going to recommend it too, as it is one of the better blockbusters I have seen in a while.

12.22.07

I was just thinking about this....everybody hates Bush now a days, he has no supporters, no one supports the war in Iraq. You ask most people why, and they don't really know, but they say, "Its a goddamn war for oil!" Why are these people so angry? Because its a war for oil yet we somehow have the highest gas prices ever. I bet you if we had crazy low gas prices, about half the people wouldnt be complaining about Bush. People want to see results from this war. There is nothing...no boom in economy. There is no positive for the negatives right now.

12.21.07

Jamie Lynn Spears baby...coming to a dumpster near you!

Here we go...lets talk about random shit.
There is this new movie coming out by JJ Abrams...the dude who did Lost. It is called "Cloverfield" and is filmed entirely by handheld cameras. Everything about this is shrouded in mystery, but it basically is a monster movie where "something" comes out of the ocean and fucks up New York City to the max. I read a review that claimed the tag line should be.. "Its like a pussy that eats you out." I'm amped about this film and also the new Batman. I HATED the new Batman remake, but I mainly felt it was lacking good villians. Villians always made those movies and this one re-introduces the most interesting one. I feel Nicholson was the Joker...simple as that. No one else needs to be the Joker, but if you are trying to be, you CAN NOT try to be Nicholsons Joker. You have to have a whole new spin on it.

My friend got a new foosball table....terribly underrated game, on the same level as pool for me, I dont know why it has been labeled as a drunk frat boy game. I would LOVE to change the image and make it more elegant...something that pool has.

Christmas is a coming...once again it doesnt feel like it, as I am walking around it T-Shirts in 50 degree weather. Fuck Christmas, that shit is for kids. I don't like the decorations, I don't like the music, I don't really like it...For me its just a cock tease until New Years...the real main event. Its all about New Years and Halloween Beatrices.

Britney Spears mom was going to come out with a book about how to raise two daughters. Guess what...it got cancelled. At least it didnt come out and accidently coincide with Britney's suicide...cause that would be kinda akward. Would they have to pull the book off the shelves. Lets change Hollywood. I'm sick of hollywood being trashy and whoreish. I want it be old school, elegant and classy.

Thats it...nothing else left on my mind.

12.19.07

I just heard this great hilarious breaking news... Britney Spears little 16 year old sister is pregnant. Not only that, but shes not taking a dive down the stairs, getting a punch to the stomach, or whipping out the rusty hanger...she is actually keeping the baby! Man...this family is white trash. What a downfall they have taken...the way Britney was advertised as a sweet innocent version was amazing. I thought the sister would be the saving grace...guess I was wrong.

12.18.07

My dad is trying to kill me...
Ok...this post is a follow up to a previous one you can find over here ....http://jbotz.blogspot.com/2007/11/112807.html

The gist of it is my dad buys random shit for me at the supermarket. Well it continued.... First off I have a very unhealthy high cholesterol...runs in the family, bacon is not a wise option for me, yet everything he seems to buy has bacon in it. In my freezer right now are chicken tenders with bacon in the middle and hot pocket bacon egg and cheeses.

So I come home the other night and I'm starving. I look in the cabinet and find a little macaroni and cheese pack, called Easy Mac or some shit. You add water and throw it in the microwave for like 3 seconds and its done...its made for children, retards, and me. So I make it and I begin eating it. I notice something crunchy in my mouth. Dont worry this isnt gonna make you throw up....I look in the cup and see these little brown shits. I look at the case and it says, "Macaroni and Cheese with bacon bits". What the fuck?! What do they put bacon in fucking everything? I got bacon in my god damn chicken fingers, in my god damn mac and cheese! My cholesterol is probly world record levels now.

12.17.07

Michael Jackson is no longer a human being. He is now a mixture of a mummy and a Sith Lord. That is without a doubt the scariest thing I have ever seen. He has apparently had his lips removed now by the magic of plastic surgery. How crazier can he get?

12.15.07

An evening with Roger....

He walked into the locker room glistening with sweat. I nervously looked on as he made his way towards me, unbuttoning his jersey. He glanced in my direction and gave me a little wink. This was the legendary Roger Clemens. "I've been thinking about you a lot lately". His voice was grisly and epitomized manhood. Butterfly's flew about my stomach. He walked towards me and put his hand on my shoulder, "I think you know what I want you to do". He started to undo the button on his pants. I couldn't believe what was happening, "Ummm...Roger....Thats not really my scene and I -"
He dropped his pants revealing his bare ass. There was an awkward silence until he spoke, "The syringes are in the locker...inject my ass with the steroids!"

12.13.07

I was very skeptical about this...but he looks pretty bad ass. I am actually getting kind of amped for this, even tho I hated Batman Begins....The Joker is just too bad ass for this too suck.

12.09.07

The sole reason why my generation is so fucked up is because of 80's wrestling. Go back and watch some of the interviews now...They are the most drug induced schizophrenic nonsense that has ever come out of a humans mouth. Lets take this "Ultimate Warrior" monologue for example. Now keep in mind, Ultimate Warrior is a good guy. This might be the scariest thing I have ever seen, and if ANYONE can make sense of what he is talking about, then you are a genius. Watch this...but leave the lights on.

Doin Thangs

I have just discovered something great...Something I wish I knew about a long time ago. I have found the GREATEST album cover of all time. I remember during this period of time...No Limit Records were releasing crazy album cover after crazy album cover. Each one was more over the top with it's "gangsta". It was mandatory to feature pimp cups, guns, wads of cash, bling, cigars, and cell phones. And back then the cell phones were gigantic. This cover has all that plus one another thing that really pushes it over the "Limit". Enuff talk.....Here it is.....(Click on the pic to view it in all its glory)


Wow...what?! Big Bear is "Doin Thangs" alright. He's fucking feastin with Hugh Heffner bears smoking god damn cigars and wearing jewelry. That cover is genius.

12.07.07

Well....we are getting back to normal here at RR. The best way to deal with something like that is to forget it and not talk about it anymore...

Am I an asshole or just a New Yorker? First off a little info...I HATE the Yankees and do not own or would wear a Yankees hat, I am a Mets fan. Now heres the twist....I am going to Boston next week to visit family, and have just borrowed my grandpas Yankee hat to wear while I'm there. I will become a Yankees fan just to piss of the Bostonians. Is that being an asshole or just being a New Yorker? I think its just being an arrogant, cocky, New Yorker. New Yorkers think they are the center of the universe, and they are. Boston is like our little brother who hates being in the shadow. They are always talking about us...but it's funny because we never mention them.

12.06.07

12.04.07

BREAKING NEWS!

Wow...I gotta say, this one caught me off guard. I remember being into Chester Cheeta when I was a kid....Here is the article from CNN.com .... They messed up his name tho in the article.

"MOBILE, Alabama (CNN) -- Famous "Cheetos" mascot, "Chester Cheeto", has been found dead on this December morning. "Chester Cheeto" was apparently shot late Sunday night after getting into an altercation at a local strip club. Witnesses say Chester entered the "Cafe Erotica" nightclub around 11 PM Sunday Night. He was escorted by a 5 man entourage and came in with a garbage bag of single dollar bills. Jamarcus Ware was a patron at the club that night; "He appeared very drunk. He was flashing money around and talking very loud. At one point he got on the house mic and started rapping and challenged people to fight him." Police are investigating if he had any known enemies at the time. Apparently he later got into a scuffle with a couple of unidentified men, which came to blows and later ended with bloodshed outside the nightclub. Chester was shot 5 times in the chest. Chester Cheeto rose to prominence in the 1990's. The 90's were a time when every company seemed to be looking for "attitude". Chester was the epitome of 90's attitude. This bad boy image that landed him the job, also landed him in and out of court. He battled multiple lawsuits and drug problems and ended up in jail three times, with his longest sentence lasting 2 years. December 3, 2007 marks an end to his tragic life."

Back in the 90's I know that Chester used to roll with Sonic. They were two dudes with 'tude and the two of them used to get into a lot of trouble together. However, they had a falling out a couple of years back and haven't talked since. We have interviewed Sonic twice on this blog, which you can check out HERE.

We were recently just able to get in touch with Sonic who had not yet heard of this news. Here is the interview with the controversial Sonic the Hedgehog.

Q.) Sonic what was your initial thought when hearing this news?

A.) Good.

Q.) I know you two had a falling out, but you had to feel some remorse.

A.) No...fuck him. Chester was a no good motherfucking drug addict. The news is trying to make him out to be a motherfuckin' hero now. They talk about him selling them cheezy bullshits, but they ain't talking about him selling his asshole for crank. Go ask that asshole Dr.Robotnik if you don't believe me.

Q.) Why did you two have a falling out?

A.) I may do a lot of fucked up shit, but I always pay my child support to all my babies mommas. Thats one thing Chester would never do and it pissed me off. Why should the kids have to pay cause he an asshole? We fought over that shit and that was it.

New York Knicks

When I was a kid, the Knicks were it man. EVERYBODY loved the Knicks, even though they would break your hurt just about every playoffs. The Knicks now? The are without a doubt the most disastrous team in the history of sport. Every day, I buy the paper and on the back is something more outrageous and unbelievable then the last. I have no idea why they don't have their own reality show...lets look at some of there wildest moments....finishing with the latest craziness.

- Jeff Van Gundy leaves a practice and never returns to the Knicks and abruptly quits mid season.

- They hire Hall of Fame coach Larry Brown, fresh off winning a championship. The players, mainly Marbury, openly bash him and say he is too "hard" on them. He is eventually fired and treated like shit. Enter Isiah Thomas as coach.

- Isiah hires questionable players and winds up with one of the highest payrolls in the NBA. The moves make little to no sense as the Knicks have about 800 guards. Despite the large payroll they fail to make the playoffs and have one of the worse records. They manage to win a few games towards the end and Isiah is rewarded with a huge contract extension.

- Sexual Harassment allegations are brought against Isiah Thomas. Not only was he harassing, but he was saying outrageous things. Like how he doesn't give a fuck about white season ticket holders, and how only black people are allowed to use the term "bitch". He is found guilty. Also Marbury is brought to the stand during this case. He himself banged an intern...According to him he pulled up his huge truck, looked at her and said, "Are you getting in or what?" She got in and no other words were spoken and the sex happened. On his way out of the courtroom Marbury is singing and dancing.

- Marbury does a TV interview that is truly bizarre. When asked about why he did charity work he says, "At first my intentions weren't good." During the interview his wife calls and he refers to her as his "better ho". He also talks about kissing his sister and feeling her "body and soul". He also can not answer if the knicks will be good that season.

- The Knicks pick up Zach Randolph in the off season. A often troubled player with a history of arrests.

- Marbury finds out that Isiah is thinking of benching him so he disappears. Yup. He just leaves without telling anyone where he is going. At this same time Zach Randolphs grandma dies and he to is missing. Marbury eventually returns and is not punished by the team. It is revealed that he has "too much dirt" on Isiah to be punished.

- The Knicks play the Celtics and lose by damn near 50 points in of the LARGEST deficits ever. Knick fans at MSG chant "Fire Isiah!" even in Boston they chant it too. A Knick fan watching the game takes off his Knick jersey and throws it onto the court and storms out of the building.

- Now the latest craziness. Marbury's dad is sitting in the arena watching the Knicks lose to the Suns. He begins to have a heart attack during the game and leaves the arena and dies. Its sad and just adds to the craziness that is the Knicks.

12.02.07

I am writing this Sunday night...so you are either reading it tunite or Monday morning. If you are reading this Monday morning then this post is kinda dated and doesn't really make much sense. Don Imus returns to the radio Monday morning at 6 AM.....heres the catch...he now has a new black sidekick that is being kept under wraps. It is being treated as a HUGE secret. Who could it be? Is it those nappy headed ho's...the Rutgers female basketball team? Is it Carlton form "Fresh Prince"? Maybe its Charles Barkley? No, no, no...We here at RR know who it is. This is an exclusive but here is the new Imus sidekick....


Yup. Chris Tucker has gotten the job. Chris Tucker always gets the God damn job!

12.02.07

SHARK ATTACK!

December is shark month here at Random Ramblins. I fucking love sharks! I am obsessed with sharks a leopards. I don't know why, but in my past life I must have been a hybrid creature of the both....Actually I was probably just a Leopard Shark...yeah I think thats it...I was a leopard shark in my past life.



Sharks get a pretty bad rep...they really aren't as crazy as they are made out to be. They just don't like to be fucked with...they only really terrible thing sharks have ever done was invent the "n-word". Theres a little info for you.

These majestic creatures usually live about 20 to 30 years, and come in many different species...one of the easiest ways to tell a species is by the tail...heres a chart.




I personally am a big fan of the Hammerhead Shark...the Great White gets all the publicity cause of his little movie. Heres another weird fact...sharks do mate...but scientists also believe that sharks are also asexual. That is crazy! A hammerhead that had not had contact with a male in 3 months gave birth...they say it was a last ditch effort by the species and it asexually reproduced. Imagine if humans could wind up doing that too?

Sharks also technically never sleep. Scientists are still unsure about this...some say sharks lay at the bottom with their eyes open and still very observant. Other say that half of their brains shut down as the other does all the work and they are half conscious.

There will be a follow-up with more info coming later in the month.

12.01.07

I bet this cunt will never spill coffee again. This is a PSA commercial, I think letting waitresses know that they should have steady hands, and be more FUCKING careful!

11.30.07

GREAT MOMENTS IN SONGWRITING.....

"Sex Planet" by R.Kelly

"Sex Planet,
Come fly away with me,
ride in my exctasy,
out in the galaxy,
sex planet,
Get ready for take off,
have a safe trip baby."

"Jupiter,
Pluto,
Venus and Saturn,
I'm leaving Earth to explore your galaxy,
ten to zero,
Blast off here we go,
We'll be climaxin till we reach Mercury."

"Girl I promise this will be painless,
We'll take a trip to planet Uranus."

"I'll take your breath away,
gonna get you so excited,
Once I taste your milky way."

"So don't trip I got a giant rocket"

"I'm about to twinkle and touch your soul,
Once I enter into your black hole."

"We'll be gone for hours,
I wont stop until I give you meteor showers."

"My rocket if full of fuel baby."

SCARIEST THING EVER!

This is hands down the creepiest shit I have ever seen in my life. I know a fucking demon when I see one, and this thing is a fucking demon. I'm gonna give you a warning.....this vid will lead to nightmares.

11.28.07

A while back here on the blog, I conducted an interview with Sonic The Hedgehog. (You can check that out HERE ) He is a controversial media figure that oozes 90's attitude. Recently, I got the chance to speak with him again, and get his opinion on the HUGE success of his rival Mario's new game.

Q.) Some say you and Mario are the 2Pac and Biggie of the gaming world. Does it bother you that his new game, "Mario Galaxy" is one of the highest selling games ever?

A.) No. Playing that game is my second favorite thing to do.

Q.) What is the first?

A.) Fucking the Princess in the mouth.

Q.) Do you mean Princess Peach?

A.) No...I mean Princess Diana. I've been skull fucking her corpse while on speed for 3 years now.

Q.) Any closing comments?

A.) Yeah....The Rutgers Women Basketball team are a bunch of nappy headed ho's.

Bob Sapp vs. The Japanese

Bob Sapp is a K1, UFC style wrestler, and a HUGE star in Japan. Over here in the U.S. he is just known as football player Warren Sapps brother. The U.S. is really missing the boat with this guy. Sapp just oozes charisma and is one of the funniest guys walking the earth. Today I present you two vids of Mr.Sapp in action. The first one is of him on some game show. Scared Japanese people have to shove swords into a barrel, and if they push the wrong one, Bob Sapp pops out and kills them. Yes, it is as good as it sounds. The second video is much simpler. It is just Sapp playing Tekken against some Japanese guy. When Sapp loses a round, he gives the FUNNIEST facial expression I have ever seen.

11.28.07

What the Fuck?

When my dad goes to the supermarket, sometimes he sees random shit for sale and buys it for me. Its a crap shoot...cause its either the worse food know to man, or I really enjoy it, but never see it again because the sale is over. So tunite I'm starvin like Marvin, and peek into my fridge. What do I see? I see... Frozen Tyson's Anytizers Cheddar and Bacon Chicken bites. "What the fuck!" Chunks of chicken with cheddar oozing out of them, with bits of bacon cooked inside them. How could he think this is something I would want to eat. I could just picture his thought process..."Well he likes chicken... and he loves bacon, and he is into cheese...he should love this shit!" My dad often buys anything that is a mixture of shit I like, no matter how disgusting it may seem. He figures if I enjoy two things separately, if they are combined, I will enjoy that doubled. This is why I have 30 boxes of "Asshole Pizza" in my fridge. Wow.

I remember one day I'm sitting home relaxing. I get a call from him and I answer it. The first thing he says is "E-Men show!" I'm pretty use to insanity, so I don't even question it and just respond,"ok". He then says, "You got the E-Men show." Now I'm pretty sure he has gone fucking bonkers, and is spewing some incoherent crazy into the phone. "What?" I respond. "I'm talking with this Chinese woman....I want to know if you go the E-Men show." I still had no idea what he was talking about a made up an excuse to get off the phone. It wasn't until I got home that I figured out what was going on. He was talking to a Chinese bootlegger, and she was trying to sell him the new CD of "The Eminem Show". He was calling to see if I wanted it. It is always a giant mystery as to what he might bring home.

BTW Hulksters...the old blog layout was getting on my nerves, so I've decided to spice it up. This is the new Y2K ready blog. It looks hella sexy IMO.

11.26.07

I am losing my fucking mind! I've been sick for like a week, am not in school right now, have no job, and have been stuck in the house cause of this flu or whatever the fuck it is. My internet was just down too....if it wasn't for Mario Galaxy, I probably would've offed myself by now. What have I've been doing to prevent insanity? Well actually I've been embracing it, and I have been popping a lot of prescription sleeping pills...Ambien to be exact. Now im not saying endorsing this...but to me, it is probably the greatest high ever. It doesnt make me tired in the least bit, but calms me down and makes time seem to fly bye. I pop one, put some music on, and write some of the best stuff in my life. You can see some of the shit I wrote on it the night before. I was curious about its side effects so I just looked it up and found 2 that I get....

- hallucinations, abnormal behavior, or severe confusion.

I have never hallucinated...it does make me act a little weird tho and it does create some confusion...like when I wrote that shit down, I was trying to figure something out, but couldn't.

- amnesia (memory loss) after a dose, sometimes significant

I get this...Often I do stuff while on it, or talk to people, and have no recolection of doing so.

All in all I recommend it. What else....I just watched the Dolphins/Steelers Monday Night game...it was 0-0 until the last 2 minutes. That was the most BORING sporting event I have ever seen...Jesus Christ. 8 people died of boredom watching it.

Linda Hogan and the Hulkster have divorced. If you watched one episode of the last season, you saw this coming. They barely spoke, and it was kinda obvious the spark wasn't there anymore. This is SUCH tragic news.

Why is this blog pink? Why not? I've come to the conclusion that Hayden Pattentrie is the hottest chick alive right now. Every time I look at her name, I keep seeing "Hidden Penetration". I just seen some new pics of her in GQ and I instantly cummed in my pants...right on my boxers, and I left it there so it got nice and crusty. Hey...I'm sick...I'm allowed to be filthy. Here is one pic from the shoot. I think I like her cause she looks young...I love kids, I talk to them on the internet all the time.

ON a lil drugs

i need to figure it out. ok today is sunday but its really saturday night at 1:34...the date is the 25th, anything done before 12 was done on the 24th. so the 24th was saturday....thats makes the 23rd wednesdaty. anything on 12 exact or a minute past is a difficult date. wait...23rd was friday...none of my FUCKN notepads can open up at this point and the calender wont open wither!....mite as well just post this. 24th was thursday, which was thanksgiving...all the stores are closed.....23rd was wednesday...was i right before. but i have 23rd as friday. I AM GOING BACKWARDS! oK HERE IT IS. Sundya is 25thm saturday is 24....FRIDAY IS 23RD! tHURSDAY WAS ACTUALLY the 22nd and that was thanksgicing. The day before thanksgiving which would be a wednesday...i used to have school this day was actually February 21st. So tuesday was the 20th...*monday was the 19th*, sunday was the 18th, saturday was the 17th. <- shot film SO from saturday the 17th to today was 8 days. Everyone has off on fridya. fruday the 16th, thurs the 15th, weds the 14th, tuesday the 13th, monday the 12th,s11 s10 *f9*t8w7t6m5 s4coltsplayedpats s3f2t1 -
on thursday november 8th I FINISHED SCHOOL but thats the 2008 schedule, im looking at the 2007 which would be a day "ahead" so I finished the 9th? Friday the 9th of November. That seems very off.

11.23.07

black friday.

I don't know what the hell it is, but I do know its today. And based on the name alone, I bet you its scary, no good, and lazy. I would suggest that you lock your doors and stay in today.

11.21.07

YO YO YO.....Lets us give Thanks Beatrice's! Probably my least favorite holiday is one day away....it ain't nothing on Earth Day I tell ya! Cause this Wednesday is Thanksgiving, or as I like to call it... "Hungover in front of the whole family day". Lets talk about television!

People ask me what my favorite television shows ever were...Hands down my favorite show ever is "The Sopranos". Bottom Line. Then what comes next? The "Twilight Zone"! Some of the best writing period! My kids kids kids will be watching that marathon hungover on New Years Day on Sci Fi channel. No other show stands the test of time. Next Up...."Quantum Leap". It definitely reminds me of Twilight a little and stars Scott Backula, whose last name is close enough to Dracula to make him bad ass. And to finish off my list? This one might come as a surprise but..."Pop Up Video". Yup. I'm a closet Pop Up Video fanatic. For some reason that stupid show reminds me of my childhood. And those are the only ones I can think of at this time. I'm sure I'm forgetting a few but it is what it is.....Happy Thanksgiving Dudes and Dudettes!

11.19.07

I bet you not one of you fools knows the true meaning of Thanksgiving....STOP! I know your beginning to tell me that bullshit story..."The Indians and the pilgrims had a big feast and they loved each other and...." BULLSHIT! Bullshit I say! You really think the Indians would want to eat with those white devils who stole their land, and brought them weird new diseases? That story is some made up Americana crap! Why do we celebrate thanksgiving? No one truly knows, but I can bet you its disgusting, and quite frankly a little scary. I imagine the first Thanksgiving as "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" meets that "2 Girls 1 Cup" video thats online. What the best part of Thanksgiving? CRANBEERY SAUCE MOFUCKA! Everyone knows that...its like what color is the sky. You put marshmellows in your sweet potatoes? You god damn better! What is going on in that pic....oral sex? oral sex from a turkey?!

11.15.07

Drugs are bad...You don't believe me? Do you want to end up like Corey Haim? Posting that Lost Boys gem last night made me go an dig up this gem. I remember seeing this on E! a while ago, and it was burned into my brain. This is one of the funniest interviews ever, and if you can make any sense of this, you must be on drugs yourself. "Extra Extra, read all about it!"

BEST MOVIE SCENE EVER

As many of you know, I consider myself somewhat of a movie "buff". I have seen countless films, have taken many classes, and even made my own. A lot of times, people ask me what my favorite movie is. I honestly can not choose one; It is just too difficult. However....It is very easy for me to choose, what I consider the greatest scene in the history of cinema. This is the pinnacle of perfection, and comes from the movie, "The Lost Boys". So sit back, pop some corn, put your feet up and enjoy. This live performance is eerily similiar to me at my elementerary school talent show.

11.14.07

Today is November 14th, which is actually a pretty big holiday in Belgium. It mite seem outdate now, but the rituals performed on this day actually did serve a purpose. The day consits of joyous dancing and singing. Then as the night approahces all the bottles are smashed and the shards of glass are placed on the doorstep of the home of anyone with a child under 3. This was used as a safety method to ward off the Phill Collins. The myth is that the Phill Collins would sneek into the house at night, and steal the breath of the infant, which would allow him to continue to have his beautiful voice. Most people don't know the lore behind this holiday, and like myself, use it as an escuse to get drunk.

11.12.07

Well heres some weird news. Kanye West's mom just passed away at the age of 58. Whats weird is what caused her to die. Apparently she just had her tummy tucked and was getting breast implants, and the complications of the surgery are what did her in. See...Vanity kills. What the hell was a 58 year old woman doing getting all this surgery anyways? Its not like she was about to go strut down the catwalk. I myself am a big Kanye fan, and I just saw the animated music video for the song, "Good Morning", which might be the most bad ass thing ever. The picture above is a scene out of it.

Tommorrow marks the release of "Mario Galaxy" for the Wii. I am a HUGE fan of Mario, always have and always will. What I'm hearing now is that this might be the best Mario ever. Thats a mighty large claim there. I will have to put it to the test...I haven't been this amped for a game in a while...fuck that Halo 3 bullshit, I played it and I think it sucks. No joke. I don't like those first person bullshit games. They are all exactly the same.

This show "Amazing Race", which won like ten thousand Emmys, is probably the best reality show. You people better get used to and start loving reality shows. With the writers strike coming that is the ONLY thing that will be on television. And as far as "Heroes" goes, I find the new season to be unwatchable. After last week I have finally given up on it. Let me tell you what the problem is....season 1 worked as a mini series. The stories of the characters all ended nicely and there wasn't anything else I wanted to see. When it ended, I didn't really have any questions for a new season, I was satisfied with what I saw and didn't want to see these characters anymore. What do I think they should have done? I would of not used any of the same cast members and started from scratch with all new "heroes". Then when sweeps comes, you throw in a former cast member into the mix. You see how this is working people? RATINGS!

KILLA CAM

CAMRON QUOTABLES!

Camron...the Shakespeare of our times, has just released a new mixtape and boy oh boy does he got some lines in this one. Heres some of my favorites....

"Over them dry stone, fiends slept in front of my crib, for 2 days straight like I have the iPhone."

"I'm the Cookie Monster...Yeah...Chips Ahoy."

"The dudes you dealin with is like a number 9 from McDonalds...Fillet of Fish"

"My new name is mother fuckin' Velcro the way niggaz stick to me...No Homo."

"I'm like a can of Campbells bitch...I'm very soup."

"They dead he said...get him a page on MySpace."

"Im Fillet Menion (sp?)...you a Steak Um'."

"We celebrities with guns....shooting stars."

"We gonna shoot the wake up and dead the funeral."

11.09.07

My house is turning into the fucken island of Dr.Moreau. First off...there is this mosquitoe floating around who rapes my ass every night. I wake up with bites in the weirdest places, I had one today in my dickhole. What? And just now I saw a cockaroach/water bug in the kitchen. I HATE roaches and am like a pussy when it comes to them. If it was roach, that means there are more, and the house must be evacuated. If it was a water bug, then things are ok. I see him and I'm tracking him on the wall. I run into the living room to get a book to smash him, come right back in and he is nowhere to be found. Is this mother fucker Freddy Kreuger? Where the fuck did he go? I become obsessive with getting the hunt. I staed up for a hour looking for this son of the bitch. I can't sleep...none get away from me. So now I'm pissed....I'm gonna get that son of the bitch and that mother fucking mosquitoe. Two unwanted douchebags in my mother fuckin house! I HATE insects. I rather walk in the kitchen and see a snake slithering around. I am mad scared right now...mad scared I'm gonna look up from typing and see him crawling right on my leg. Hold on..He is still M.IA. Some girl from some weirdo country was telling me she has giant cockaroaches that jump at you. Fuck that! If a roach jumped up at me I would lose my mind forever in fear. You would have to put me in the mental institution.

Who else has seen this 2 girls 1 cup internet phenomenon. For those of you who haven't, its two chicks and the one bitch shits into a cup. But this shit comes out exactly like soft chocolate ice cream. Then the other bitch eats it, and throws it up into the other ones mouth. Heres the kicker that makes this video classic. The whole time there is this very soothing piano playing in the background. I guess its worth watching, it has become pretty damn popular.

Well its time for me to sleep...I know this roach motherfucker is gonna climb into my fucken brain and lay his eggs.

11.06.07

Who even knows what fucking day it is anymore...I've been living in a state of confusion and it can all be attributed to Daylight Savings Time. I HATE it...more then anything else. It takes me about 2 weeks to get used to it. What has happened now is that some of the clocks in my house have automatically changed while others remain the old time. I don't know what time it is, what day it is, or where the fuck them I am. I'm confused and quite frankly... a little scared. Enough about my problems...some REVIEWS! Yeah! He-ya. I know you like that...cum and get it...

I just saw American Gangster. Heres a secret...I didn't see it in the theatre. Heres another secret...it was DVD quality. That is all I can say from fear of Johnny Law. This is a GREAT movie. One of the better films I've seen in a while...However it is not perfect. The movie runs about 2 and a half hours. I feel its a little long and starts to fade out in the 2nd act. This movie should really be about a half hour shorter. And the ending feels WAY too Hollywood...but then again, its based on a true story...so maybe thats what really happened. This film is basically the black Scarface. I would give it 3 out of 4 stars. The Departed is still the movie to see of recent times.

I've also listened to the Jay-Z album..."American Gangster". It's different from usual Jay as it has a very unique sound. It sounds old school and actually fits the movie quite well, although not ONE jay-z song appears in the movie at all. The album has a few AMAZING tracks, but then again it has a few duds, preventing it from being great. It is not Jay's best album but not his worst. It sort of sits in the middle. It is definetly worth listening too, for the most part Jay stays in "character" but a few are typical rap "formula" songs and they bring the album down. Kanye West Graduation is still the album to beat of recent times.

Halloween 2

Get used to seeing this masterpiece every year sugar tits.

10.30.07

Waiting for the fuckn delayed train writing this on my cellular device, hence the bad grammar n lack of capitalization. I was watchn the patriots sunday while they were leading the skins 38 to 0. They had the ball on the skins 10 yard line and it was 4th n inches. They then had brady run for a 1st followed by him throwing a td. That is classless n how u get a qb killed. Every defensiveman in the league will be lookn to end his season. I would love to see them try that shit on ray lewis. God damn, where the f is this train? Bottom of the 8th n the bosox r 5 outs away from another pennant; what is the only thing the announcers r talkng about? Gay- rod leavng the yanks. Its always bout them damn yankees! I think boston rather beat the yanks then win the world series...and how long has it been since a world series hasnt sucked balls? Have the last 4 years rly all been sweeps? Jesus what a tight train ride. I think i legally buttfucked two woman while sniffing a giants armpit.

Most Annoying People Ever...

1. Dane Cook - I REFUSE to watch the MLB Playoffs, not because the teams suck, but because of this unfunny emo asshole doing the commercials. I really hate this guy, to the point where I would put a bullet between his eyes. He also steals a lot of his material. There is nothing good about this man. I wish he would just die. Anyone who watched "Tourgasm" has to agree with me.


2. Criss Angel - This guy is a tool. His magic is as fake as can be, and every person he does "magic" onto his show is a paid actor. He is the nerdy, gothic, kid in highschool who figured magic was a way to get laid. Recently he's been paling around with Britney Spears. Good Job! It doesn't get any lower then that. Am I the only one who prays the worst possible thing happens when he does one of his tricks? The one day he can't get the chains off and drowns is going to become a holiday.


3. Star Jones - She should've died when she got her gastric bypass surgery. She then lied about it. She told the world she was just dieting. In my opinion she is the least attractive female on the earth. You know what...She is the most annoying person ever. I am not telling anyone to do it...BUT lets just say that someone was to murder he. Would it be that bad? Shes ugly but remain arrogant. She is also racist and a child molester.

Chocolate Rain...

I'm speechless...but I'll be damned if this song is not stuck in your head forever. The music reminds me of the theme from "The Exorcist", and I may not know what the fuck the lyrics might mean...but I do know that they are VERY deep, way over my IQ level and probably yours.

"Chocolate Rain...Cleans the sewers out below Mumbat."

1 Year Anniversary!

Yup...Its true...this shit hole is officially 1 years old. It started with a post about the Mets losing, and was followed by a story of a Walrus masturbating. What a long way it has come. It now includes stories of the supernatural, critiques of the Bible, movie reviews, a film journal, and much much more. Up above is a masterpiece I drew up...its my gift to all of you, click on it for the full effect. More great things are to come.

Now for TWO movie reviews. I went to see "Dahjee Limited" or however the hell is spelt. I usually enjoy Wes Anderson movies, I like them a lot. But this....this was awful. I feel that the movie never started. The whole time I was waiting for it to start, and then it just ended. It was basically and excuse for these guys to take a trip to India. But this is not the true story here. After seeing that we weren't completed, we needed something else...something stupid. Something where we didn't have to think. So we snuck into the only other movie playing at that time. What I witnessed was hands down, the worst movie I have ever seen. But it wasn't bad like Dahjing Limited. No, this was so bad it was enjoyable. I laughed to death, thinking how the fuck could something like this get made. It gave me great confidence in my own abilities. There were about 5 people total in the theater, and 2 left during the film. I am actually going to recommend this film, but being drunk or stoned when you walk in. What is it you ask. It is a little film called "The Comebacks".

10.17.07

How many people have really gotten a fucking needle in a apple they received on Halloween trick or treating? Who has received a fucking apple anyway?!

I put this urban legend with the rest of the needle scares. It seems like for a period of time everyone was obsessed with hyperdermic needles. Let me see if you remeber these two.....

Be careful when you sit down at a movie theatre. AID's patients who are angry at the world have planted hidden needles within seats, conatining the HIV. When you sit down it pricks your ass and your fucked.

Or.....Make sure you always look before you use a pay phone, cause there is a AID's needle hidden in the ear part. How the hell did they AID's stricken person get the needle in the phone? The opened the phone, put in the needle and then closed it up. I remeber these warnings, I even used to check this shit. Well I gotta go...Halloween is a coming and I got some needles to insert into some apples.

10.15.07

Ladies...with Halloween right around the corner, you have to consider your options for a costume:
-Sexy Nurse
-Sexy Nun
-Sexy Cop
-Sexy Witch
-Sexy Devil
-Sexy Terrorist
-Sexy Maid
-Sexy Fireman
-Sexy Cat
-Sexy Teacher

10.11.07

Three great shows on TV right now...

First is "Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia" on FX. This show has been hitting on all cylinders, and is becoming one of my all time favorite comedies. Shit, it is well on its way to being right behind Seinfeld. How good is this show? One of the recent episodes had Danny Devito dropping acid.

Next up...a new show on A&E called "Last One Standing". This show takes cocky buff Americans, and puts them in an African Tribe to fight. Guess what happens? These guys totally get their asses kicked hardcore. The tribe also makes these Americans go through "rituals". I'm pretty sure the tribe is just fucking with them. The last one I saw had the tribe cutting up the Americans whole body with piranha teeth, and then pouring salt all over the wounds. This show kicks ass.

The last show, which is basically a guilty pleasure, is "Kid Nation." Its basically Lord of the Flies televised. It's very sappy at times but there is something about it that sucks you in. Its also pretty cool to see 12 year old kids beheading chickens. This one might not be for everyone, but its very well produced.

Irish Fest

What a weekend. Out in Long Beach it was "Irish Fest". Or as I like to call it, "Who can wear the wittiest shirt about how much they drink Fest". Another good shirt would be, "If your piss drunk in the back of a hole in the wall pub sucking face with a fat freckley faced whore...the you might just be Irish!"

Anyway the real adventures began on our way home. We had been drinking since 8PM. Drinking pretty hardcore. We traveled in a pack of 6 which had dwindled down to 4 now. 3 of us left a bar and couldn't find our other posse member, whos phone died, and who wound up getting stranded there and living a night as a homeless. Swear to God, he told me his story and its just as wild as this. So now the 3 of us... me, my cousin, and some girl, get into my cousins HUGE white Escalade with 22 inch rims. Definetly not a vehicle that stands out. On a long stretch a BMW burned us and was looking to ignite a race. We backed off and minutes later this guy gets pulled over by the cops. We all pointed and laughed...this is called foreshadowing kids!

I didn't realize how trashed my cousin was until we reached the parkway. At this point he is pushing this truck 116 MPH. We keep drifting way too close to the steel side of the road. At first I thought he was showing off and testing just how close he could get. I called him a dick and we moved on. From out of nowhere from behind we hear the sirens and flashing lights. We get pulled over and my cousin is pulled out, breathalyzed, handcuffed, and thrown in the back of the cop car. They then breathalyze the girl, and tell her she cant drive. The cop then asks me if I had been drinking, to which I replied, "Yes.. Long and a lot". I then blew into the breathalyzer and the cop looked at it with a disgusted look. He looked at me and said, "You are acting alright..you can drive." I was piss drunk and he handed me the keys. I started up the car and drove directly into a street light. Kidding...I made it back to his house...but it doesn't end here.

Me and this girl are trying to get into the house with his keys. We try calling him but no answer. We try every door possible but cant get in. Finally we gave up and sat on the porch. She proved useless to me and I sent her home. So I call my friend and he tells him to open the garage thru the car. Ok, so I do that and enter into the house....

WOOvWOO WOOO WOOO WOOO WOO! Yup. The alarm system started going off like crazy and I had no idea what the fucking password was. Im trying like a mad man to shut it off, and it goes on for about 15 minutes. Then I look out the front window and there are the police. They are now surrounding the house telling me to come out with my hands up. I ran out and pointed my finger like a gun at the police and yelled "bang". They then opened fire....not really. This story doesnt have a great ending. The police did come but I explained the situation. My cousin got out that night with a DWI, and is basically fucked. The moral of this story is not to drink and drive.

10.5.07

These are probably my favorite lyrics ever in a rap song...I thought I would post them here. These are pretty unusual lyrics, and is basically a story about a zombie. And everyone knows my two favorite things in the world are hip hop and zombies....

"The Cool" by Lupe Fiasco

He came back
In the same suit that he was buried in
Similar to the one his grand father was married in
Yes... he was still fresh to death
bling, two ear-rings, a chain laying on his chest
He still had it cuz they couldn't find it
And the bullets from his enemies sat like two inches behind it
smelled the Hennesy from when his niggas got reminded
and poured out liquor in his memory, he didn't mind it, But...
He couldn't sip it fast enough
So the liquor was just filling the casket up
floating down by his feet was the letter from his sister
Second Grade hand-writing simply read "I miss ya"
Suit jacket pocket held his baby daughter's picture
Right next to it one of his man's stuck a swisher
He had a notion as he laid there soaking
Saw that the latch was broken, he kicked his casket open

Not at all nervous as he dug to the surface
Tarnished gold chain is what he loosened up the earth with
He used his mouth as a shovel to try and hollow it
and when he couldn't dirt spit... swallowed it
Working like a.. hmm.. reverse archaeologist
Except.. his buried treasure was sunshine
So when some shined through a hole that he had drove
it reflected off the gold and almost made son blind
He grabbed on to some grass, he climbed
Pulled himself up out of his own grave and looked at the time
On the watch that had stopped six months after the shots
That had got him in the box wringing Henny out his socks
Figured it was hours because he wasn't older
Used some flowers to brush the dirt up off his shoulders - so..
With a right hand that was all bones and no reason to stay
Decided to walk home

He begged for some change to get him on a train
"Damn that nigga stank", is what they complained
Tried to light the blunt but it burst into flames
Caught the reflection in the window of what he became
A long look... Wasn't shook, wasn't ashamed
Matter fact only thing on his brain was brains.. yeah
And getting back in his lane, doing his thang
First he had to find something to slang
Next stop was his block
It had the same cops
Walked right past the same spot where he was shot
Shocked that some lil' niggas tried to sell him rocks
It just felt weird being on the opposite
They figured that he wasn't from there
so they pulled out and robbed him
with the same gun they shot him with
Put it to his head and said "You scared ain't ya?"
He said: "Hustler for death. No heaven for a gangsta."

10.02.07

So we got some news ...... First off Britney Spears has lost her children to....K-Fed! What?! Thats pretty bad...when you lose your kids to a guy like that...you are a VERY bad parent. The only two things K-Fed knows how to do is roll joints and order Dominos. Besides this fact...he is still a MUCH better parent then Britney. Back in the day people would give their left nut to have sex with Britney, now a days you would have to get me hammered drunk just to kiss her....actually the thought makes me sick.

Marc Ecko bought Barry Bonds ball and had a vote on what should be done with it. The people want it to be put into the hall of fame with a asterick drawn on it. I'm kinda pissed...I voted for it to be shot into outer space in a rocket ship.

Tunite was the premiere episode of "Cavemen", based on the Geico commercial. If you watch that show you are a fucking idiot.

Baseball playoffs are coming. Before the season started I picked the Cleveland Indians to win the whole thing, and I'm sticking with them...sorry Yanks.

Wow...come October 20th...Random Ramblin's officially one years old. Does time fly by fast or what? It's funny because the first post ever was about the Mets blowing it...some things never change.

Halloween is right around the corner too. Im still debating on what costume I should get. It has to be something witty, and not something everyone else is going to be wearing...unless I would go as a slutty school girl. Anyway...here is a pic of me in my costume from Halloween last year.

Message to the Mets....

New York Mets....I wanna let you know...you break my heart, you insult all my muslim brother in this country. And especial...my brother Mohammed Ali, camera a zoom! I wanna say...you did a BAD thing Mets! Look at me! Mets... you gonna soon or late see me. Hey Bitch Im talking! I wanna let you know Mets, you no good low life son of a bitches...Im gonna come put you, suplex you, put you in the camel clutch, and I'm gonna fuck you in the ass, and then your gonna be humble! You no good sons of bitches! Im gonna beat the fuck out of you! Yo Allah, Yo Mohammad, Yo Ali!

My ideal home...

My ideal home....

There would be a giant hammock in the middle of the room. One that could fit about four people, comfortably. It would be facing a wall composed of about 6 flat screen TV's. One would be larger then the others and be used to play the Giants, the others would broadcast the other games going on in the NFL. The floor would be composed entirely of glass and underneath it would be an odd assortment of all kinds of fish. Catfish to stingrays..to even a few sharks. It would be a rainbow of colors...similar to someone who ate only skittles for 2 weeks and then threw up. The walls would have artwork on them by the worlds most talented. A huge painting on one the walls of me laying down in a white suit with a white leopard. Some other artwork on another wall done by the guy who does BAPE and did the new Kanye West album cover. Of course there would be a bar, and at this point I would probably be using champagne to rinse when I brushed my teeth. Right next to the bar would be a fridge with a never ending supply of buffalo wings. Onto the bathroom...one of my favorite things to do is to shower. I would have the worlds LARGEST shower. There would be a TV in there and a water proof computer. The average length of a shower for me would be 2 hours. All my work and writing would be done in there. I also think I would have a recording studio in there as well.

9.28.07

THERE WAS BLOOD ON THE DANCE FLOOR!
susie got my number
and susie aint my friend
now she took me under
with seven inches in
blood is on the dance floor
blood is on the knife
susie got my number
and susie says its right

9.25.07

Fuck-a the Halo 3!
Do you remeber when you actually played video games? Not just sat there and watched cinemas. Do you remeber when you didn't have to wear a headset and talk to some douchebag from West Bubblefuck? Do you remeber the mother fucking Brothers Mario?! Huh? Fuck Halo 3. People are waiting in line for that garbage..I swear to god, now a days people will wait in line for any fucking thing. Playstation 3, iPhone, Star Wars, even Harry F'N Potter. I played the original Halo once, and I felt like Ozzy Osbourne trying to work his televison console. After 5 minutes I was searching for Pac Man. I must confess, I like video games...I own a Wii and can not wait for the new Mario...but mainly I'm a sports gamer. I have come to the conclusion however that I prefer 2-D games to 3-D ones. To me video game companies are trying to make movies, not video games...Less story and more gameplay.

9.25.07

Well, Well, Well.... All the new TV shows have launched, and people are getting excited. Am I? Nope. You see, I watch TV... but basically all I watch is sports, the history channel, the discovery channel, or movies on the premium channels. I used to be a die hard Sopranos fan, but they took that from me. Now that I have DVR, it has opened up a whole new world for me...I'm actually going to try watching this show Heroes now...I hear great things about it. Here is a list of the shows I currently record with my DVR:

- The Soup

- Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia

- Robot Chicken

- Colbert Report

- Code Monkeys

- Rock Of Love

- Two Coreys

- Kid Nation

- Heroes

- Erics Awesome Show

- Is it Real

- Entourage

9.23.07

I am outraged. Everyone knows that the most prestigious award a man can recieve is the "Epitome of Masculinity" award. I made a mistake. A while back on this blog I awarded it to Bear Gyls of the show, "Man vs. Wild". I am now stripping this phony, fake, son of a bitch of the title. It has been revealed that he gets "stranded" with a crew, food, and water..and he is actually 2 miles away from the highway! If I saw him I would build up a mucusy loogey and spit right in his dumb fucking face.

So now onto a real man. The new winner of the "Epitome of Masculinity" award. I present to you....Bret Favre. Hes the gunslinging vet...a man that should be a cowboy in the wild west but was born in the wrong era. He is the mother fucking spokesman for Wrangler Jeans, and while the kids drink gatorade on the sides, he's drinking Budweisers. He just tied Marinos record and led the Packs to a 3-0 start. This ain't no metrosexual...

Drugs are bad

This is why you shouldn't do drugs kids. Use Macho Man Randy Savage as an example of what happens when you use drugs. This might be the most drug induced interview I have ever seen. Savage is on drugs in this video that haven't even been invented yet. Lets look at some of the funnier things he says..

"Situations develop man!"

"You put me against the wall man!"

"Last night.... I stared at a candle for about 2 hours and clapped my hands together!" (Huh?)

"When I get you down in the ring, I'm gonna make you say it! I'm gonna make you crawl to your knees and say, "please let me go!" and then I'm not going to. Take me off the air! Take me off the air!"

I love how it ends with Macho Man reaching the peek of his trip and yelling at the camera man to take him off the air. No one could tell that this man is having a drug induced nervous breakdown while they are filming him?

BONUS!

Continuing with the last post of Joe Pesci, I have found another gem. Did you know Joe Pesci was a gangsta rapper complete with a music video? Of course you did. Well here it is. The MOST gangsta rap video in existence. This is a true gem.

9.20.07

That is awesome. I really love that. It is so well done. Especially when Ernie/Pesci talks about Bert/Deniros head and the puppet actually points at it. This gets me to thinking that Joe Pesci needs to do a LOT more voice acting. Shit, Pesci should be in every movie that comes out. What else is going on...The Tommy Lee look alike wound up winning Big Brother 8, and Kid Nation, or as I refer to it "Lord of the Flies", just debuted on TV last nite. I haven't seen it yet, but the premise is the craziest shit I've ever seen. Like 50 kids 14 yrs old and under start and run a town in the middle of the fucking desert. I love the commercial where it ends with a kid screaming, "No one knows how to cook!" I'm assuming this show deteriorates into cannibalism. I also think the big twist is going to be that one of the children is actually a 45 year old midget, who just got out of prison for sexually assaulting children.

9.19.07

I have come to the conclusion that the worse sports team I have ever seen is current incarnation of the New York Knicks. Not just the team... but the managment, ownership, and everyone associated with this monstrosity. The downfall of this franchise started in 2003 when Isiah Thomas was hired.

Thomas obviously had no idea what the fuck he was doing and decided to build the team around Stephan Marbury, the most overrated player in the NBA and a loser on every team he has been on. The Knicks continued making weird signings and became the team with the largest payroll in the NBA. Despite spending so much, they still couldn't make the playoffs. Things started to look up when they managed to sign hall of fame coach Larry Brown. The team full of egos, decided not to play for him and he was soon gone. I also forgot to add during this time, Isiah Thomas wasted a draft pick on a player who decided not to come to the United States.

So now Thomas becomes the coach and the players run rampant. Do they finally make the playoffs? Nope. But that doesn't matter cause Thomas gets rewarded with a new multi year deal!

Now for the best part! The sexual harassment suit! Isiah Thomas has been doing some harassmentm and making some pretty outrageous claims....man I love this stuff...you just cant make it up...

"In a videotaped deposition played for the jury at fired Knicks exec Anucha Browne Sanders’ sexual harassment trial, Thomas said he drew a distinction between whites and blacks when it came to the B-word.
Asked if he was bothered by a black man calling a black female “bitch,” Thomas said: “Not as much. I’m sorry to say, I do make a distinction.
“A white male calling a black female a bitch is highly offensive,” Thomas said. “That would have violated my code of conduct.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t go there. … A white male calling a black female, that is wrong with me. I’m not taking that. I’m not accepting that. … That’s a problem for me.”

Duh! Everyone knows black people are allowed to call women bitches. But Thomas goes on to also make very racist comments. "Im Isiah Thomas Bitch!" Heres some more good old racism from Thomas..

"I don't give a -- about these white people, I don't give a -- about our season [ticket] subscribers,"

C'mon now...Kramer said "nigger" and he had to go into hiding. I think Thomas should at least get fired for these comments. Thomas is racist. He made a racist remark about Larry Bird back in the day, and one could just look at that team...where there is only one white player.

Marbury also took the stand. He was laughing and having a great time, saying he thought the lawsuit by the "black bitch" was a joke. He also described how he picked up a young intern. He simply drove up to her in his car and said, "Are you getting in or what?" She then got in and sex followed.