Canadian Game Show

What in the blue hell is going on in Canada, Eh? These are the freaking game shows they watch? This is beyond uncomfortable. According to this video the name of the game show is "Kisses Just like Mom". What?!

Future Sex Love Porn

Sorry, Aunt Flo came to town. Imagine a guy really had a Aunt Flo and would say that often and other guys really thought he had his period. Lets look at the picture above...

It fascinated me. This is really what's going to happen in the future. Guys will be so desensitized by crazy, weird, bizarre, kinky porn that they will no longer be able to achieve a hard-on via "normal" means of sex. The only actual penetration will occur during the making of porn or baby-making. Everyone will just rely on masturbation or the sex of robots. Yup. Robots only made strictly for performing sexual acts. We are bout 4 years away from this people. Are you happy now whiz kids?! Yeah you laugh now, but don't even pretend you would not wind up having sex with a robot. You wake up after a night of drinking next to a girl who is a 10 and the first thing you think is, "Please dont be a robot.. please dont be a robot.." Do you think it would kind of be like finding out a woman is really a dude? I'm sure anti-robot sex protest groups would form too.

Breakdown

Look at this picture and tell me the first thing that comes to your mind....

Why are "the blacks" simply better athletes?

Are those children or midgets wrestling?

Why is the audience 90 percent children?

Is this picture real or a rendition of the referees wet dream?

Is it weird the website this came from is www.picshag.com?

Will that ref get accidently knocked out and not be able to make the 3 count?

Will the Ultimate Warrior interfere?

Creed Live

Douchiest Thing Ever

A lot of people ask me what is the single most douchebaggy thing a person can do. I had to think long and hard... This is what I feel is by far, "The Douchiest Thing Ever".

When someone says to you you have a stain on your shirt and points. Then when you look down they raise their finger up so that it awkwardly touches face and they usually yell "Whoooops!" or something of that nature. This is usually performed by creepy Uncles. What the fuck is the point of this. No one likes getting their face touched.. and the persons finger practically goes up your nose. Its just plain old weird. I would rather someone say, "look there is a stain on your shirt' and then when I look down they slap me in the face.

Sex?

Arnold gets pissed

This has a SHOCKING ending

Fast Food Nation

I love how the KFC Double Decker is gaining so much popularity. The same goes for the "Baconinator" and these other fast food nightmares. Every commercial is the same for these mammoths. In the commercial, it starts with a consumer (mostly always male...I do NOT want to meet a woman who regularly eats "Wendys Baconators") who is complaining about never being full. "I eat one chicken sandwich and fries and I'm still hungry as a mother fucker." Now heres' whats weird... None of these people in the commercial are fat asses; However their hunger is such that KFC had to go invent a new sandwich that replaces bread with chicken... to silence the growling of their stomachs. Why are these fucks so hungry? There are millions of people starving all over the world and these guys are angry because one chicken sandwich does not fill them up. Heres a crazy idea... why don't you eat just enough.. enough not to stuff yourself to the point where you are about to shit and throw up simultaneously. I thought this country was trying to get healthy again? If anything it should be smaller portions for much cheaper, instead of these "perversions" that seem to be made for shock value. I used to eat "Biggie", "Super Size", and any other largest size french fries when I was younger, but then I grew up and realized how you got to fuel up with Premium Gas if you consider yourself a luxury car. Occasionally I will still eat fries, but small is just the right size. I can barely imagine eating anything larger anymore. If you are even the slight bit health conscious, think back to when you were a kid and had a metabolism like a rabbit on coke. Think about how much you would eat. Crazy right?

Big Ben

Athletes are going "fuck" crazy. They are fucking anything that walks... Hide your wives and daughters.... cause Big Ben Rapelessberger is coming to town.

I love how Tiger Woods got pussy like a Asian/Black James Bond and 2 time Super Bowl winner Big Ben is forced to lowly rape. Girls come out of the woodwork to brag about being "worn out" by Tiger, while girls come out to talk about Big Ben doing yager bombs and raping in a dirty bathroom in a dive bar. I was just reading the report on Big Ben's latest encounter and I can't help but feel for the guy... This girl seems like she set the big loaf up...This one tidbit made me question her integrity..

•The alleged victim was wearing a nametag labeled "DTF" When asked, she said it stood for "down to fuck." Roethlisberger replied, "I'm not down to fuck, but I like to fuck girls."

Hmmm... She was wearing a nametag that said "Down to Fuck". Stay classy Ponyboy. My favorte part of this tidbit tho is Big Ben's response.... 'I'm not down to fuck, but I like to fuck girls.". Read that line again but now picture big giant doofy Rapelessberger muttering that while cock-eyed drunk. Is that suppose to be smooth? What does it even mean? "I'm not down to fuck, but I'm down to rape you in that bathroom back there."

WTF?!!?!

CLICK HERE!!!!!!1!!

Did you read that? Jesus H. Christ. What parent could do such an evil thing to their child? I would not wish such a ft on my worst enemy. To get stalked by a clown for an entire week, who is setting traps for you and harassing you with texts and phone calls? What the hell is that? And what kind of sick pervert is dressing as a clown and do this? Parents are paying a sicko to stalk their child. Next thing you know, this "clown" will start molesting the children as part of the "Birthday Gift". This Chomo should be thrown in jail and they should throw away the key.

And I love how the company justifies this by saying, "Well he's not allowed to break into the child's house". Oh ok. That makes everything fine. He can just follow him around while he is in school. What kind of sicks world is this?

"I'm a man, Mr.Kessler"

Just saw this segment on "Dateline" which I found hilarious. There was this very popular male weatherman, named George Kessler, at a local news station. He gave off a swamry-douchey bastard type of vibe, but he was well liked by viewers. So one day he goes and listens to his answering machine and there is a insane man named cursing him out; "I'm a man, Mr.Kessler. not some fuckin' ass-faggot homosexual, do you understand me?"

This was the voice of Shon Thorson. Further investigation found out the man had just been released from a mental institution and was having hallucinations. Whenever he would watch the weather report, things would start off normal with the anchor simply reading the weather. Then the visions would start and the anchor would begin talking directly to this nutjob. He would threaten him and proposition him for gay sex, then begin calling him a faggot. Is it just me or is that pretty funny? Can you imagine some sick bastard watching the news and having a typical douchey weatherman turn and look directly at him and start asking him for a blowjob?

So what happened? They married each other in a same sex wedding in Connecticut.... Sadly I'm just joking. The truth is much more gruesome.... The psycho blew the weathers face off with a shotgun and them anally sodomized his corpse on a homemade "sex bench" for about 30 minutes. After he finished he blew his own brain out. Ha Ha! Just kidding! (Sorry about that, I just watched a movie about Dorothy Stratten) I guess they are living in harmony now, the story didn't really say. Here is a link to a news article about it....

NEWS

The Sickest Joke

(Note: I came up with the title while writing this and really liked it. Wouldn't you want to see a movie named "The Sickest Joke"? It sounds like the name of a Goosebumps book. On the cover is a kid laying in a hospital bed on life support and outside his door is a young boy and girl giggling. R.L Stein if your reading...)

Something really weird on the Netlix Instant Que...

I added the Marlon Brando film, "A Streetcar Named Desire". I figured since "On The Waterfront" is one of my faves, I should really finally see this classic. So I fired up the popcorn, fired up the pot, took a seat on the couch and got ready to enjoy.

It begins in crisp color. Hmmm.. Now where in Northern Afghanistan with a archeologist digging threw some dirt. He finds a bizarre demon relic. This is pretty odd. Not what I expected from "...Desire". They are talking about evil now... this reminds me a lot of "The Exorcist". I stop it to make sure I didn't select the wrong film.... It claims to be "A Streetcar Named Desire". The description reads; "Girl meets Brando in New Orleans". So I replay it. Same professor now being assaulted by terrorists. Now I'm thinking, "Fuck I'm high." Finally after about the first ten minutes I realize this is definitely "The Exorcist". What kind of sick fucking joke is this Netflix?! I can picture dumbasses (spellcheck suggest I replace this with embassies) telling they're friends, "Dude you got to see "A Streetcar named Desire", its scary as shit!" Go on your Netflix and check it out if they have not already fixed it.

BTW: Did the makers of the Ouija board luck out by "Exorcist" or what? The girl plays an officially licensed version of this before getting possessed. How many people you think went out and bought this after the movie looking to get possessed by a demon? As a kid, I figured this "Ouija Board" that lets you talk to the devil must surely be illegal... probably sold on the Black Markets of Singapore where the mere whisper of its name gets you caned. So when I finally saw it in Toys 'R Us, I was never more disappointed in my life. Thats when I realized the Devil is corporate, and Toys 'R Us was playing the sickest joke on us all.

Random Ramblins

Just started watching "Moon" and it hit me... in every movie when a computer talks it is either a well spoken man or woman who is overly polite with no emotion what so ever in their voice. It kind of sounds like the Yuppies in Brooklyn. Did "Space Odyssey" start this? My GPA device, the voice is that of Richard Simmons. It can't direct me to go straight tho.... HA HA . It discourages me from driving straight tho... Ha Ha! See what I did there.

I was thinking... with the advancement of technology, every new device seems to talk. I swear my toothbrush now even talks when I'm "doin' work" (thats slang for brushing my teeth). With all these talking appliances I feel like I'm in a future version of the "Flintstones". Hmmmm... a future version of the Flintstones cartoon... someone should do that.

The new Youtube sucks. The Youtube layout was something that did not need changing. Now you can't give a video a star rating, you either give thumbs down or thumbs up. At least you have a choice... In the world of Facebook you either like something or too fucking bad. Remain silent. You don't think this is done on purpose? And how come the government keeps putting secret listening devices in my cereal.

Speaking of which.... You ever notice how every crazy person or druggie thinks they are being watched and spied on by the government. Why the hell does the government need to watch THEM and their lunacy. It would be funny if the government actually was watching them with the newest spy technology. "Lets test out these new chips on "PCP" Dan.... no one will believe him.

This is exactly how I felt

Play This Youtube Game.... Amazing

ITS REAL!

Shit just got real.

"Dad Wake Up"

My Father

This morning I am awoken from my slumber by my father. He's shaking me awake while holding a phone and talking to someone. He says to me "Dad, wake up! Dad, wake up!"

At this point I'm thinking one of us has lost their god damn minds. Why the fuck is he calling me Dad.

"Dad, whats your e-mail address?"

What the fuck is wrong with this man? I begin to laugh at how absurd this is.

"Hold on Miss one second."

I realize he is trying to pose as me to some telemarketer or some shit. I'm laughing hysterical.

"Hold on Miss he can't always remember his e-mail."

Now I'm laughing harder. I'm picturing my 50 year old father walking over to his sleeping 80 year old father (if he was still alive) and shaking him awake. Then proceeding to ask him, "Dad what's your e-mail?"

Then this handicapped man struggling to remember.. "Hmmm.... J .... what else was it?" "JBotz... and then a 4 and a 2 at the aim dot com."

SIDE NOTE: I've heard my own grandpa use the phrase, "What is this dot com bullshit!" at least like 50 times.

My dad covers the phones speaker his hand and whispers LOUDLY to me "Mikey, your screwing me up here!"

I can just picture this 50 year old man saying to this 80 year old man, "Mikey, your screwing me up here!" What is this woman on the other line thinking? He calls his 80 year old dad "Mikey"?

Anyway he was calling Amazon to try and return a package shipped to me that I ordered him. They wanted to send me a confirmation e-mail. Why did he feel the need to pose as me... I do not know... maybe because the package was shipped to my name on my credit card? Mystery.