"Dad Wake Up"

My Father

This morning I am awoken from my slumber by my father. He's shaking me awake while holding a phone and talking to someone. He says to me "Dad, wake up! Dad, wake up!"

At this point I'm thinking one of us has lost their god damn minds. Why the fuck is he calling me Dad.

"Dad, whats your e-mail address?"

What the fuck is wrong with this man? I begin to laugh at how absurd this is.

"Hold on Miss one second."

I realize he is trying to pose as me to some telemarketer or some shit. I'm laughing hysterical.

"Hold on Miss he can't always remember his e-mail."

Now I'm laughing harder. I'm picturing my 50 year old father walking over to his sleeping 80 year old father (if he was still alive) and shaking him awake. Then proceeding to ask him, "Dad what's your e-mail?"

Then this handicapped man struggling to remember.. "Hmmm.... J .... what else was it?" "JBotz... and then a 4 and a 2 at the aim dot com."

SIDE NOTE: I've heard my own grandpa use the phrase, "What is this dot com bullshit!" at least like 50 times.

My dad covers the phones speaker his hand and whispers LOUDLY to me "Mikey, your screwing me up here!"

I can just picture this 50 year old man saying to this 80 year old man, "Mikey, your screwing me up here!" What is this woman on the other line thinking? He calls his 80 year old dad "Mikey"?

Anyway he was calling Amazon to try and return a package shipped to me that I ordered him. They wanted to send me a confirmation e-mail. Why did he feel the need to pose as me... I do not know... maybe because the package was shipped to my name on my credit card? Mystery.