8.1.08

INT. Riches Deli - Basement - Night

MJ, 23, sits slouched on a couch enjoying the company of his friends. He gently puffs on a cigarette and holds a beer in the other hand. His friends all laugh hysterically at the jokes he is telling and there is nothing but smiles around the room.

Everything goes silent as Tony, a 23 year old guinea, walks into the room. He wears a nasty scowl on his face and is angered by the laughter he perviously heard.

TONY

What the fuck MJ you little slut?! Why aren't you working! 

MJ

But Tony its my day off.

Tony SLAPS MJ across the face with two swift fists. All of the friends jaws drop to the floor.

TONY

I'm the boss God Dammit!

Tony SLAPS him again..as the sound echoes through out the room. Everyone in the room is feeling uneasy and nervous.

MJ

I only tried to do the right thing..I'm sorry.

SLAP!

Tony turns and goes to make his way out of the room. He abruptly stops.

Tony

             I'm taking your shoe too you mother fucker.

Tony removes the sneaker and walks out of the basement with a huge smile on his face.

FADE OUT:

7.27.08

Jesus Christ... thats a real burger. Its from a place called Heart Attack Grill. How the hell are you suppose to bite into that thing without unhinging your jaw. I mean honestly. How in the hell is that possible?

7.27.08

Oh yeah... was filming today from 5 AM to 5 PM. What do I like to do when I get home to unwind? I like to watch the vid above. It brings a huge smile every time I see animals speaking human talk. If a cat talked human to me I would bring it to the Chinese Food place and make in General Tso. Speaking of which.... I'm pretty sure that at least on two occasions i have eaten cat from a chinese food restuarant. Actually.... isn't cat more expensive then chicken? Why would they go out of their way to capture a cat when they can get cheap grade F chicken? It mustve been rat.

7.24.08

I've never been to a convention before. I don't like Star Trek... think Star Wars is good but not great.... and could care less about comics. What do I feel passionately enuff about to drive 6 and a half hours to go to a festival. God damn buffalo wings of course. I LOVE buffalo wings more then I will love my own children. They are God's apology to humans.... yup. After he created that flood and fucked with Noah... he created Buffalo Wings to as a way to say sorry. This festival has sauces of every flavor you could imagine....even a fucking Cocconut flavor. Yeah I know that probably tastes like crusty ass, but its cool to know it exists. So Im amped man... end of August.

7.23.08

I just got a fake prop gun in the mail for the film I'm gonna start shooting. While I was holding it and playing around with it, it hit me. This profession is awesome. Making movies is not a job. Its writing stories, playing dress up, running around with guns playing cops and robbers. This is not work. This is being a kid and making money off it (hopefully). Yeah... some jobs like holding the lights are not fun, but the majority of the people working, are really just big kids who refused to grow up. Big kids who didn't want to wear a shirt and tie and sit at a desk. And everyone involved in this business is a little crazy... you have to be.... I know I am... The Joker character is based off me.

I've really been feeling this Hyper Crush shit (see the video below). I am a HUGE 80's fan so I think that might also be a reason, and plus they are singing about fucking Duck Hunt...whats not to like?

The Giants god rid of Shockey... good riddance. The Mets are fighting for first place... I told you Willie Randolph was no good.

7.22.08

Some new group called "Hyper Crush". They got that 80's styyyyyle. Plus one of the dudes wears the Nintendo power glove and the other is rocking out on a keytar. Definetly cool dudes in my book.

Survey

This is strictly for the people here in Maspeth.

I want your feedback and you can post a comment totally anonymous. 

Recently, someone has gotten into a car accident while said person was intoxicated. He has a history of crashing cars, so this is not an isolated incident. Now he wants to add alcohol into the equation and the safety of everyone on the roads is in danger. Should this "man" be allowed to drive on the roads again? Please leave me a comment.

7.21.08

Just please watch this... it is amazing.

7.20.08

Half man.... Half DOG! This is 100 percent real... a rare video from Iran and the sick product of their bizarre experiments.

MJ AT THE BATMAN

I have a surprise for you.... Believe it or not, "Batman: The Dark Knight" is not the greatest film of all time. Its good... but its not great. I take that back... the film is great up until the final act, then it basically loses all its steam and kinda sucks. If you want to pinpoint the exact spot the film goes to shit, its as soon as "Two Face" comes onto the scene. The Two Face feels too unbelievable for the world that has been created, and his flip a coin routine was done a THOUSAND times better in "No Country For Old Men". Basically, Two Face is the suck.

Heath Ledger... he kills his performance as the Joker...err..poor choice of words I suppose. But this character is amazing. He gives a lifetime performance and is probably one of the greatest villians ever. There is no remorse and reasoning to this mad man. There is no back story as to why he is so twisted. (he does give and ever changing one to different people) He basically plays the Devil, and manipulates those around him to do wrong. He is not controlled by sex or money or any other vices that normal men succumb to. He even seems numb to pain. This is the main difference between this Joker and Nicholson's Joker. Nicholson's Joker was a lot more human, and even desired a woman.

Now here is my single biggest pet peeve about this film. Its Batman's friggin voice! The voice Christian Bale puts on when he is Batman sounds like he is attempting his best Ultimate Warrior impression. There were like 6 times when Batman murmured something that I couldn't help but laugh out loud. So overall, I would give this 2 and a half stars out of four, and Two of those are for Heath Ledger alone.

Now here is what pisses me off the most... the fucking fanboys. They swear up and down that this is the greatest film ever made and wont even listen to any negative criticism. I saw it with a huge comic book fan and even he wasn't that big on it. Its a good film no doubt, but its not worth creaming your pants over.... then again I have never like superheroes too much, and was more excited over "The Watchmen" trailer beforehand. Watch out for that one.

Ok let me really break this film down....SPOILERS ahead...

SPOILERS!


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Ok. So watching the film it becomes obvious that the Joker was going to continue on in the series. The movie builds up to this big climatic Joker/Batman fight to the death, but it never happened. Joker doesn't die and the big "fight" is reserved to Batman/Two Face. I was pissed that Two Face was "born" and died in this film. I thought he was just being groomed for the next film. When you have a villian as powerful as the Joker, you don't need to add another one. Adding Two Face just makes things more of a clusterfuck. And Two Face starts off as one of the most heroic guys in the film and then just suddenly transforms into an evil bastard. The transformation is quick and feels rushed. Then this Two Face character, who is very lame, winds up becoming the centerpiece of the film in its final act and steals the screen time from the Joker. I'm sorry, but I could give a fuck about Two Face. Every scene with Two Face made me ask, "Where the fuck is the Joker?!" This half ass afterthought of a character is going to take from me the showdown I was waiting whole movie for? and "Scarecrow" from the first movie makes one of the WORST cameos ever in a film.

7.18.08

Greatest performer of our generation? I think so.

7.17.08

Tomm I'm going to go see The Batman in the iMax. I will post a brutally honest review after seeing it. Will it live up to its HUUUGE expectations. I don't know. If Heath Ledger sucks as joker, I will say he sucks.... no sympathy cause hes dead. So be sure to check back here for the definitive review of "Batman: The Dark Knight". Screw Roger Ebert and Variety and Entertainment Weekly.

7.15.08

Genius

7.11.08

So its official....my ass officially owes California $377 for my marijuana arrest. On top of that I owe Long Island $150 for violation of the HOV lane. When it rains it pours. What the fuck man?! Don't these fucking cops realize how much gas costs? Do they realize we are in a recession. These stupid tickets hurt my damn pockets, and are the damn reason that I will spending the next 2 weeks in the soup kitchen. Look at that pic above... doesn't the cat look like Robert DeNiro in the third one? I'm finally filming the movie I wrote in August and am holding my final audition today. I sit behind a table and jot notes on these people feeling way too much like a American Idol judge. I like to think of myself as a Simon but my frequent use of the word "dawg" makes me more of that black guy I guess.

7.7.08

That is probably the sexiest outfit I have ever seen and a sure fire winner for best costume this Halloween. Wow. The only thing that could fulfill my weird fetishes better then that is a hot chick dressed as a fucking Ninja Turtle.... make that a TEENAGE ninja turtle. Ha Ha. Get it?

One other quick comment. Theres a new movie coming out called "Disaster Movie". It is another "spoof" movie which all started with "Scary Movie". There has also been similar movies like "Date Movie", "Epic Movie", and "Superhero Movie". This shit seriously needs to stop. These movies are god awful. I am going to make a film called "Shitty Movie" which is going to be a spoof of these spoof movies.

7.6.08

As many of you know I have recently been teaching the second grade glass at Saint Beatrices elementary school. For their latest project I asked them to draw for me a famous historic moment. Here are my favorite two.


This is Michaelangelo painting the chapel.


And this is the Underground Railroad.

7.5.08

How Not To Fake A Heart Attack - Watch more free videos


Genius.... this guy wearing a very pimp white suit tries to get out of a court appearance by faking a heart attack. He falls to the floor, and then pretends to be "unconscious" for the rest of his appearance. The doctors check him and there is no problem with his health, but he still remains "unconscious" hoping for a mistrial. I love it.

So what happened? Did he successfully defend himself against the charges of assault with a deadly weapon? Nah. He got 42 years of prison.

DMX - Where Da hood At?!

Great Moments in Songwriting...

If you did not know... DMX absolutely hates gay people. If you don't believe me just listen to the lyrics of his hit "Where Da Hood At?!". It might be one of the most homophobic songs in the history of a music and is definitely a great moment in songwriting.

Man, cats don't know what it's gonna be
Fuckin with a nigga like me, D-to-the-M-to-the-X
Last I heard, y'all niggaz was havin sex, with the SAME sex
I show no love, to homo thugs
Empty out, reloaded and throw more slugs
How you gonna explain fuckin a man?
Even if we squashed the beef, I ain't touchin ya hand
I don't buck with chumps, for those to been to jail
That's the cat with the Kool-Aid on his lips and pumps
I don't fuck with niggaz that think they broads
Only know how to be ONE WAY, that's the dog
I know how to get down, know how to BITE
Bark very little, but I know HOW TO FIGHT
I know how to chase a cat up in the tree
MAN, I GIVE Y'ALL NIGGAZ THE B'INESS FOR FUCKIN WIT ME, IS YOU CRAZY?!?

Well lets break down these lyrics shall we. Apparently someone approached DMX and told him the concept of a gay male...a man having sex with the same sex. DMX was outraged by this and asks the question to all of society, "How you gonna explain fuckin a man?" DMX is so disgusted he wouldn't even shake the hand of gay man if they were friends. DMX then recalls his time in jail and remembers that he has previously encountered homosexuals, but he still doesn't like them.

Towards the end of the song however, DMX kind of changes his tune....

I get tapes doin times, stop niggaz like grapes makin wine
Five CD's with mad rhymes
Don't hit me with that positive shit, I know you lyin
You really wanna stop niggaz from dyin? Stop niggaz from tryin
I cuz I ain't really got that time to waste
and I thought I told you to get these fuckin bums out my face
Lookin atchu in your grill, I might be nice to cut
Once I split ya ass in two, you'll be twice as butt
Yeah, you right, I know ya style - PUSSY cuz I'm fuckin it
Since we all right here, you hold my dick while he suckin it
MOTHERFUCKER, don't you know you'll never come near me
Shove ya head up ya ass, have you seein shit clearly
Never heard that D be runnin, cuz D be gunnin
I beat my dick and bust off in ya eye so you can see me comin/cumin
Empty clips and shells are what I leave behind
and if they get me with the joint, they hit me with a three-to-nine

Once I split ya ass in two, you'll be twice as butt?! What the hell! "Since we all right here, you hold my dick while he suckin it." WHAT! He sucking it?! Having a guy suck your dick is pretty gay to me any way you cut it. I thought DMX was against same sex intercourse. I guess he doesn't consider oral sex as intercourse. He then says he will masterbate into another mans eye. Wow....