Exclusive Workout Video!

As you know, I'm big into training and going to the gym. Training for what you ask? When the terrorists want to get out of line and the world cries for a hero. I get asked a lot, "MJ, whats a good work out routine?" This is a pretty tough question to answer. I could type up one for you...or I could show you! Here is an exclusive video of me working out at the "gym", and by gym, I mean the middle of the desert.

5.30.07

You know what that is? Its a silicone butt enhancer. All the girls are wearing it now a days. Its whats in now. These white girls want to be Ms.Fat Booty, but they weren't blessed with God's natural gift, so they resort to this. They even do butt implants now....like boobies. You think I'm fucking around don't you... Well feast your eyes on this bad mamma jamma...


What in the blue hell?! I know some people are ass men, but you have to draw the line somewhere...I don't even think Sir Mix A Lot would like this big butt and I can not lie. This is it...I'm convinced this is proof of the end of the world. That picture honestly frightens me...

Memorial Day

Why do the Veterans have their own holiday?! Ok, its cool that they help sick animals and all, but "Memorial Day"...c'mon! Just kidding...I'm not that stupid. I know Memorial Day is when the veterans break into your house, eat cookies, and leave gifts. But what people forget during all these festivities is the true reason we celebrate Memorial Day...and that is the birth of Baby Jesus. Because it was the Three Veterans who saw the Star of David and brought Jesus the gifts of incest. Ok...I'm not going to lie...I don't know what the fuck this holiday is about and how one is suppose to celebrate it.

5.26.07

Those sneakers you see up there are the Starburys. They are the line endorsed by Stephon Marbury. I just bought a pair today.....the big thing about them is they go for $15! Thats it! 15 bucks! I support this a lot. Its hard to be spending money on sneakers, and Nike is asking for like $200 for Jordans. I feel bad for children of poorer families who have to go to school and get made fun of for not having nice kicks. I know kids can be mean and the sneaker companies are ripping everyone off. Don't get me wrong, I like nice stuff...name brands; but as far as sneakers for playing ball, this is what I endorse. They got a good look, a hell of a lot of different styles, the quality is good, and did I mention they are 15 bucks?! I urge everyone to support them and stop buying Nikes so they are forced to lower their prices too. FIGHT THE POWER!

5.25.07

As you know, I had a top 5 chicks list on here. Well...Maxim tried to out do me with a top 100 list. One big problem with their list tho...they have Lindsay Lohan as number 1. What?! Shes not ugly but she is a coke whore. I think the fact that she has banged everyone should put her down the list a little. I really can't believe that will all the classy girls out there, she makes number 1. The hottest girl in the world shouldn't require that you double up condoms when you go inside her. Ok next up....I just saw a video of Rosie O'Donell ripping into that Elisabeth (Why does she spell it with a "s") chick on "The View". Damn I hate that show. My grandma watches it and talks to me about it like I'm a big fan or something. She also makes me look up recipes from the show online. The point is this...Rosie O'Donell legit scares me. She is a very VERY scary women. She is honestly one the people I'm most afraid of, and this is not even a joke. When I look at her I see pure evil, the devil incarnate in a fat lesbian. She disgusts me so much she has even made me hate lesbians...PSYCHE! I love lesbians...not the dyke man ones tho.

5.23.07

I just watched "Lord of War" and "Blood Diamond". Wow. Remind me not to go to Africa. Seriously, it is fucked up there, and these conflict diamonds are causing real problems. Screw diamonds, they are not worth it. They got kids running around with AK's and people that are armless. It is honestly very bad, and if you watch "Blood Diamond" you will agree. Shit, that movie will make you turn down a free diamond. Another powerful film I recommend is "The Fountain". Some critics bashed it, but it is honestly like poetry on screen. It might be a little trippy, and at times confusing, but it blew me away. And visually, it is one of the best films I've ever seen. I'm writing this like half asleep, so that may attribute to the lack of wit. Be good to each other...Peace.

5.21.07

Sucks to be you...Ha Ha. What the hell is going on in this picture? Is this the NCAA or prison?

5.20.07

SUICIDE

People that commit suicide are losers. People that try to commit suicide and fail are even bigger losers. If you really want to kill yourself, you will not fail. See, the problem is these people get to elaborate. The want to kill them self in some crazy ass way. Why all this suicide talk you ask? Well, on the Sopranos tonight AJ tried to off himself. He tied a cement block to his leg and put a plastic bag over his head. What a crazy fucking way to die, how do you think of this shit? Is a bullet to the head not cool anymore? Anyway, this got me to thinking how I would kill myself....

- You always think about jumping off really high shit. I don't care who you are,when your really high up and looking down, everyone thinks, "I wonder if I jumped from here would I die?"
So obviously one way would be to jump from like the Eiffel Tower or something.

- For a slower form of suicide, I would have unprotected sex with Magic Johnson. HA HA HA! That is wrong on so many levels.

Damn, I'm not good at this...I can't even think of anymore...driving off a cliff?

The Bible is Nuts!

King Salomon, You so Crazy!

There is some nutty shit in the Bible, and having gone to Catholic elementary school, I know them all. Some of the stories are just downright scary and weird, especially if you look in the Old Testament. The New Testament is for pussies, which that hippie Jesus running around talking about peace. The Old Testament has God turning mother fuckers to stone just for looking at him! The Old Testament is gangster! But no one story was odder then the story of King Salomon. I remember this story being burned into my mind, and I couldn't stop thinking about how fucked up it was even when I was a kid.

The Bible is trying to get over the point that King Salomon was mad smart and could solve any problem. So anyway, two women come in with a baby arguing that they both are the mother. King Salomon doesn't get nervous because he is a smooth mother fucker. He knows how to solve this. He takes the baby and then says, "I'm going to cut this baby in half and give each of you one part." The one women is outraged and the other is happy and wants her half. WHAT THE FUCK?! Who the fuck wants half of a dead chopped up baby?! What kind of crazy shit is this?! Solomon is sick for even coming up with this plan. He then gives the baby to the outraged women cause he "knows" she is the true mother.

Now I know what your saying, "It's not suppose to be taken literally." Fuck that. They couldn't think of anything better then chopping a baby in half?! This shit doesn't even make no fucking sense! This is the most followed stuff in the world? It is not even well written!

Graduation Speech....

Here is an actual transcript from my Valedictorian speech for Nassau Community College...

"Good Morning Gentleman and Gentleladies! I had a dream....When I came over to this country via boat, I looked at the Statue of Liberty, turned to Pablo and said, "Im gonna be sumthin!" And look at me now! I'm standing here receiving the Sacrament of Graduation! Now of course, there were a lot of doubters, or as I call them, "Playa Haters". They said, "Why did it take you 4 years to finish a 2 year school?" Well to them I say this, "Why did it take Lincoln so long to abolish slavery?" The point is this....when you have a dream, you go for it! No if, ans, but maybe some butts...HA HA! I am living proof of the American Dream. Living proof that wishing on a star is good for something. Living proof that you should make a wish when you blow out your candles! And for the naysayers...The thermometer says that the degree's is...ASSOCIATES! Suck my dick and swallow my kids you faggots! So in closing...Stay far from timid, only make moves when your hearts in it, and live the phrase, "Sky's the limit"....Motherfucker! FREEEEEEEDOM!"

Hottest Chicks

TOP 5 Hottest Girls

Ok now....what do we got here? Woman are the most beautiful creatures on the earth. That is why lesbianism is so cool and loved worldwide, while gay male sex gets a big time thumbs down. EWWWW :-( ! I've decided to make a list of the hottest girls walking G

od's green earth (in my opinion). The order of this list was a little hard for me to determine; cause it is constantly changing.....but as right now, this is how I'm feeling... so here it is...(This is only the top 3, maybe one day I'll do a top 10.) (UPDATE: I made it a top 5)

1. Keeley Hazell
This British model is my idea of perfection. She has a cute innocent face, and a body to die for. Just look at her...I wanted to put a somewhat PG rated pic on this list, but honestly, thats the closet I could find. Lets just say she likes to show her "credentials".



2. Hayden Panettiere
This is a new favorite of mine. This girl hasn't even blossomed yet, considering that she is only 17! Wow. She is illegaly hot! That makes her so much hotter. I think her youth adds a lot to her making it second, and just knowing the potential she has as she ages. This girl is basically a lock to be a knockout, as long as she doesn't get fucked up like a one Lindsay Lohan. She's the top young hottest actress in Hollywood, even better then that Harry Potter chick.

3. Jessica Alba
This girl is smoking. She almost made me cream my pants while watching "Sin City". If you are a straight man, you would have sex with Jessica Alba. Bottom Line. Her body is incredible, with an ass that...I don't even know what to say. Wow. Maybe she should of been number 2. I don't know...these decisions are too hard!

(UPDATE: Apparently Alba has "fell off". I heard this from a couple of my friends, saying her level of hotness has dropped drastically, and she has gotten really thin. I dont know about all this, but I'm talking about Alba in her prime here. Has her hotness dwindled?)




4. Jennifer Love Hewitt
Ok, if we were talking about her in her prime, she would be my number 1. When I was younger, this WAS my dream girl. She still hot as hell, but not as amazing as she once was. For my money, the way she looks in the movie "Heartbreakers" is the hottest I've ever seen a girl look. But the movie sucks...






5. Tie - Erica Durance and Shakira
Beautiful women. Shakira is the best dance I have ever seen and the other chick is the best Lois Lane I've ever seen. I couldn't choose between one. Actually, I think Shakira should be higher looking at her now, like maybe number 2. This is so fucking hard to decide!

5.10.07

Oh yeah! Whats up dudes and dudettes?! Ready to take a look at some crazy mo' effin lyrics? Todays song is the 90's classic.....
Color Me Badd - I Wanna Sex You Up
Ok..so download it on your Napster or whatever you kids use now a days...


"Girl, You make me feel real good,
We can do it till we both wake up."

Huh? This guy wants to have sex until you both wake up? How the fuck are you having sex if your both asleep?! Or maybe only one of them is asleep and this is some real date rape shit. Good ol' roofies.

"Making love until we drown."

Are they now having sex underwater?! How the fuck are you going to drown while making love? Who thought of these lyrics?!

5.8.07

SEX, DRUGS, AND LINDSAY LOHAN

Hey u guyz!!! Its like totally the entertainment news! After seeing the popularity of Perez Hilton, I've decided to change the blog to a celebrity dirtsheet site. And some good things are happening....FINALLY! FINALLY a celebrity is going to jail. And better yet, it's Paris Hilton! Fuck the Simple Life...I don't want to watch Paris on a farm, I want to watch Paris in jail! I honestly hope she gets shanked to death in prison. I love how the only famous people that get actual jail time are rich white women. This really is hilarious to me. Out of all the people I would want to see in prison, Paris probably tops the list.

MORE HOT NEWZ! Apparently some pics of Lindsay Lohan doing coke have hit the web. What?! NO WAY! No chance in hell Lohan does coke! This is like telling me the fucking sky is blue! No shit this girl is using coke, did we really need photographic evidence? Shes a coke whore! Duh! Oh the pic above is her with her mother, with some Jack Daniels and coke. Now she might do coke, big deal, half of Hollywood does. But what is really crazy is the report is saying she did 20 lines a night. That girl likes to party. My prediction...she will either be dead in a couple of years, or be like a Corey Haim and disappear and get fat. Another child actor gone bad.

5.7.07

STAN LEE IS A BASTARD!

Anyone who knows me or reads this blog knows that me and Stan Lee do not get along. I'm not a big "fan" of superheros, and I guess Stan took this personally. Whoope freaking Doo you created Spiderman! That doesn't impress me! I didn't like him, and he didn't like me, we just left it at that....until he started to get personal.

The love interest of Peter Parker is a girl name Mary Jane. Ok, no problem. So, I'm flipping through the channel and see the Spiderman movie on, when I hear, "Hey MJ." My jaw dropped to the floor. My name is MJ! They are referring to this girl as MJ?! I then proceeded to say the "F" word 64 continuous times. This god damn Stan Lee was taking a cheap shot at me!

Now you might think I'm paranoid, but I was actually talking to a friend of Stan's, and he told me that the "MJ" character is in fact meant to mock me. This is defamation of character if I have ever seen it. My lawyers are chomping at the bits right now.

5.6.07

Well I'm sure many of you watched the "biggest" fight of the century. It wasn't an exciting fight no matter how you try to put it. Mayweather simply put is the superior athlete. He's quicker and has better endurance, the only thing De La Hoya had on him was probably strength. This was simply a technical bout, with no real hard punches landed. Mayweather dominated, and should of won on every judges scorecard, but I guess one judge gave it to De La Hoya for the drama.

So was this the "fight that saved boxing"? I dont think so. Mayweather has "retired" and despite being very flashy outside the ring, is dull inside it. See, Mike Tyson said he was going to hurt people and knock them out...and he did. Mayweather talks the talks, but fights a very safe and conservative fight. And this has been his problem, this has been why his previous fights didn't really draw.

So where do you go from here? Sugar Shane Mosley has challenged the "retired" Mayweather. I don't really think that fight is much of a draw. And this was probably De La Hoyas last blockbuster fight. So is boxing saved? Nope. Not until they get a strong heavyweight division again.

5.03.07

Al Sharpton is an asshole. He is no Martin Luther King Jr. or Malcolm X, he is an asshole. He doesn't help any problems, but only creates more racial tension. He makes it so that white people are even afraid to address the topic of racism. How can something be helped when people are afraid to bring it up. I know white people can't stand Al, and I don't even think black people like him. This is how I feel about racism...white people are afraid to say anything now a days because they are scared of being persecuted. We can't just keep pushing it under the rug. It is there, it needs to be brought out into the open and exposed.

I look at it like this. Say you have beef with someone in your neighborhood. You could avoid that person for however long, but after a while your going to run into him, and guess what, there is going to be a conflict. Or you could just have a sit down talk with this person as soon as the beef starts, and avoid further conflicts. If we have a big discussion about racism we can help. I think racism can be greatly eliminated in the major cities like New York and California. It will take a lot longer for the south and such, but you got to start somewhere.

I think white people need black people and black people need white people. America just wouldn't be America without the other. What would the American culture be like without black influence? Would we be listening to classical while watching guys in the highest shorts ever shooting hook shots in a game of basketball?

Aliens

Are We Alone?

Since I was a kid, I have been fascinated with aliens. I have watched thousands of specials and programs about the topic on the History Channel. To this day, whenever my dad sees something about aliens on TV, he yells for me, and this has been the same since I was kid. I guess you can call me an expert on the topic. So after this lifelong research, I am hear to finally tell you the truth...Are We Alone? Nope!

U.F.O's....I believe in Unidentified Flying Objects...but I don't think aliens are flying inside of them. They are just new U.S. government flight vessels that are being experimentally tested.

Abductions..A hicks favorite pass time. I don't believe aliens are flying around abducting people. We've been around for so long and they are just now into us? No, I feel aliens already did our research on us....

I definitely feel aliens have been involved in our history as a human race. Ancient civilizations have writings about them, and just look at the damn pyramids! No human alone made those things. There was help....help with the mathematical system and the calendar. I feel aliens were here on earth and helped our race. What they came for, or took in return, I have no idea.

Look at the solar system...the universe...it is HUGE! Larger then we could possible fathom. To think that we are alone is just plain arrogant to me. We are just a spec. A little spec of sand on a huge beach. To think we are alone, makes us feel we are the most important, which is a human trait of arrogance and feeling dominant. Will an outside life form make itself known? Maybe when we are ready, but I don't feel our current society will be able to handle it.