12.1.08

I'm cummin on the walls! Cummin on the bed! Cummin in my hand! Cummin on the couch! Cummin on the TV!  Wait huh? Well let me just say I found an AMAZING deal online... a deal that has got me very damn excited. This is probably the greatest deal I have EVER and will probably ever stumble across. This deal makes me feel like I just beat the recession. This is the type of deal you tell your grandkids. If this deal was in Wal-Mart, I would trample someone to death just to get it.

What is it? It is the complete Rocky box set.... it includes Rocky 1 to Rocky 5 and even the new Rocky Balboa film. How much do you think this goes for on Amazon... 6 DVD's...take a guess... 20 FUCKIN BUCKS! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I can NOT fucking believe it. 20 fucking bucks! AMAZING! I can't even post the link here cause its too good... but if you want it go to Amazon and search for Rocky.

Holy shit... Update... They are also selling the Nightmare on Elm Street box set... thats 9 movies... for 22 bucks. Un-fucking-belivable.

11.30.08

Which Olsen Twin do you think is hotter. In the gold is Mary Kate Olsen and in the black is Ashley Olsen. I could never tell them apart... but it should be much easier now that one of them has turned into a hunchbacked witch. BTW, Mary Kate Olsen is the one who had a hand in the Heath Ledgers death.... Karma is a bitch.

This is the best anti-drug ad I have ever seen. Ashley is the one who stayed clean and sober.

11.27.08

Well I know what I want for Christmas this year... That would be these dope new Nike Court Force Lux's. I'm assuming the Lux stands for luxury. These are hot as fuck and just dropped in one spot in NYC and some stores in Japan. These use high end materials and look to be strictly for the grown and sexy. I don't know which color way is hotter, I was originally leading towards the grey ones but I really need a nice pair of black kicks. The price tag is $110... I actually thought it would be higher.

Also!!!! If you want to watch one of the most bizaare movies of all time, go to www.Hulu.com (register, its free) and check out the film, "Naked Lunch". This movie is a real mindfuck and the perfect companion to drug usage.

11.25.08

You wanna know how I know I'm a lazy fuck... When I set my alarm clock I set it one hour ahead of the actual time I want to wake up. Why? Cause I'm too lazy to change it cause of Daylight Savings Time. I have been doing this since then and not once have I questioned it until today. Today while setting it I realized how absurd it was. You wanna know how else I know I'm a lazy fuck? I'm setting the alarm clock for 1 in the afternoon. 

11.24.08

People are idiots. Plain and simple. If you are giving something away for free it does not matter what it is, people will come clamoring for it. I could say I'm giving away free HIV infected shit (I know its not possible but bear with me) and have a line around the block. Lets look at a news story from today.. So here a little info; Today Guns 'N Roses highly anticipated album, "Chinese Democracy" came out (it is actually quite good). Dr.Pepper was so sure it would not be released before 2008 that it bet the world that if it came out, everyone would get a free Dr.Pepper. Not as good as it seems tho... you have to go on their website and register. Lets look at the news story:

We never thought this day would come," Tony Jacobs, Dr. Pepper's vice president of marketing, said in a statement. "But now that it's here, all we can say is: The Dr. Pepper's on us." - so they announced everywhere that for one day only, you could register to receive a free bottle of Dr. Pepper on their website. Problem is they were obviously ill planned for their flood of traffic - and expectantly crashed their servers. Even their toll free phone line was jammed, where callers were waiting for hours to get in on the free soda.

Wait a sec... People were waiting for hours on the phone for a free god damn soda?! HOURS?! Are people that fucking cheap? Has the recession hit us that hard? You are willing to drive up your phone bill and wait for hours instead of spending a buck twenty-five? If you are someone that waited on the phone today for hours for a free fuckn soda... you are an idiot.

Burn After Reading

Wow. What a fun film. I was very surprised with how much I enjoyed it. There is rarely a dull moment, and for a feature length film, it feels more like your watching a half hour episode of Seinfeld. It just flies by, but is enjoyable throughout. Thats probably the biggest flaw, as it doesn't feel overly epic, and you would like some of the characters to be more fleshed out and given more of a backstory. The ending feels a little weird although it is funny, and doesn't give as much resolution as I would have liked, but it appears the Cohen Brothers aren't big on Hollywood endings. All in all I have to recommend this film to everyone. Brad Pitts character is genius... as a gay gym instructor. This character has to be one of the all time greatest male ditzes. The best way to describe the plot is as one character says, a "clusterfuck". Its a whole lot of crazy, filled with twists and turns and laughs galore. Great movie.

11.21.08

What the fuck is "Twilight" and why is it having one of the biggest weekend box offices of all time. The numbers I'm hearing... its going to be #20 of ALLS THE TIMES as far as opening weekend. I saw a billboard and could've sworn Twilight was nothing more then a gay porno. Just look at that pic above... it looks like an advertisement for "HIV AIDS". That honestly is one of the gayest looking things I have ever seen. Apparently this is some sort of teen vampire movie. Listen up Kiddos, this movie has been done already and done MUCH better... its a little classic I grew up on called "The Lost Boys". Those vampires were bad ass - Keifer Sutherland - 80's glam rock - bad mofo's.... These vampires are ummm.... Metrosexual - HIV Positive - Faux Hawk wearing - lameitories. Don't go see this movie... thats an order!

11.21.08

I am so amped for this movie... I have not heard one bad thing about this film, and I'm hearing Rourke is a lock for an Oscar. This leads my list of most anticipated films, followed by "Tyson" and "JCVD". Here's a fun fact for you.... I might be appearing in this film. I went to a shoot and was front row in the crowd, and got a close up... so we will see. This could be my big break. Shit, maybe I will win an Oscar too. I really nailed the portrayal of pissed off drunk New Jerseyian wrestling fan.

Scariest Shit Ever

You have to love fetishists. They are some of the most bizarre people in the world and make Buffalo Bills portrayal look tame. Somehow I stumbled upon this weird fetish and it has probably scarred me forever. I really wish I had not seen these things... so now I'm going to make sure I'm not the only one haunted by this shit. I am going to start first with the photo evidence of one of the freakiest fetishes out there..... mask fetish.











HA HA HA! These fucking people look like the things out of my worst fucking nightmares. Can you honestly believe that this really exists? Imagine seeing that coming walking over you. I would pull out my knife in a heartbeat. I really want to make a horror movie where this is what the killer looks like. This a lot more god damn scary then Mike Meyers, Jason, and Freddy combined. Now lets go onto the video evidence... courtesy of youtube. The funniest part about the youtube videos is if you look at the comments... people saying how beautiful the person and the mask is. Jesus... watch this at your own risk. Oh and apparently this is really big in Japan. *GASP* *SHOCK* Big in Japan? Can you believe it?

88 Keys - Death Of Adam

I must say... for a long time rap music was very formulaic and innovation was a lost art form. Rap was very commercial and not interested in integrity, but rather the quick buck. Times are changing. If you look at the rap scene, there are a lot of great new hip hop artists. Amazing musicians who claim their influences are Biggie Smalls and Pink Floyd. Is this broad herizon of influences that is leading to some amazing albums. Up above we have the newest album from 88 Keys called the Death of Adam. This is a concept album about a man named Adam, who is looking for some sex and winds up dying. It is a pretty funny and interesting story. Now for 88 Keys.... he is a producer first and rapper second. His rapping is frankly not that good... as he uses a weird megaphone effect and has the same flow patterns as Kanye West. The thing is, I think he realizes he isn't that great, because he doesn't rap on the album a whole lot. He has people like Kanye, Phonte, Kid Cudi, and an amazing performance by Redman. The production on this album is some of the best I have ever heard. The beats are simply amazing, and the tracks are so god damn catchy. This is a guy who set out to make a good album, not just a hit single. I think he definitely succeeded and I recommend this album to everyone. Just keep an open mind.

Another album coming out real soon is Kanye West's new album.. "808's and Heartbreak". I' have heard the majority of it and I am very impressed. I really didn't think I would like it, as I wasn't impressed with "Love Lockdown" or "Robocop". I'm also extremely sick of that fucking auto-tune shit that T-Pain made popular. While Kanye does use vocal effects on nearly every song, its not so overdone as Love Lockdown. This man is truly a musical genius and I think this will push him even further. This is not a rap CD... Kanye said his biggest influence for this album was Phil Collins.....you can tell by the song structures and the drums. This album has a really sad feel to it and Kanye's outlook on life has changed. He talks about looking for the "Good Life" his whole life but actually losing himself in the process. The production is amazing as you would expect, and has a very electronic sound with tribal sounding drums. This album is going to be huge and critically praised or flop and be viewed as a side project for Kanye. Give it a listen, but I don't think its for everyone. The  songs that have really stuck out to me so far are, "Streetlight" "Coldest Winter" "Welcome To Heartbreak"

Chu' Know that Juno sucks?

When I die and go to hell I know what I will see....  A giant television playing the movie "Juno" on repeat. I watched all of 10 minutes of it today before I had to shut it off. Go to a coffee house with the most pretentious beanie wearing hipsters and BS with them all the while blasting the "coolest" new indie rock songs. This movie actually made me want to declare war on America. If there are people who find this movie "hip" in this country, I am willing to fight against it. Ughhh. I feel like I just threw up and cant get that taste out of my mouth. The main character, Ellen Page, has to be the least likable character in the history of cinema. Just that actress in general... she is so annoying that I rooted for the child porn perv in "Hard Candy". I don't know why people find this movie so cutting edge... This character is "Daria" and Jeneanie Garofolo. Same exact style and that style sucks. Don't watch this movie and don't let your kids watch it... because they might start acting like that idiot. Michael Cera is good in it as the lovable loser as always. He gets spared. Everyone else in this abolishment that is pro teen pregnancy should be put to death by stoning. There is actually a line in this film that says, "I Swear to Blog". Wow. It makes me want to quit writing on this fucker. And also... I feel this might be the whitest film ever made. This shit must be like kryptonite to black people. I'm a white guy and this film was even too white for me. I don't know who the hell this movie is for besides hipsters and teenage white girls in the suburbs.  And one more thing... see I'm angry and rambling now... every freaking character talks the same! All the dialogue is the same! Every character is so "witty" and quick, with a "hilarious" insult ready at the drop of the hat. Fuck this movie and fuck Diablo Cody. This movie is nothing more then racist propaganda... I've gotten so angry thinking about this crap that I need to scroll down and watch the Frankie Vallie video just to get my smile back.

11.11.08

This is something I find hilarious even tho I really shouldn't. For a period of time I was taking the sleeping drug Ambien for recreational use. I would put me in a dream like state and give me a sense of euphoria. It also takes away some inhibitions, but its not all positive as it gives you amnesia like a mofo. Anyway, when your on it, sometimes you will feel very creative. I would write very rough outlines and actually come up with some good story ideas and what not. Well, I started to get cocky and decided that I would only write my school papers while on the drug. Bad idea. I just got 2 papers back that were written under the influence and my grades were a 60 and a F. This was absolutely shocking to me... cause as soon as I finished writing them I felt like I was the next Hemmingway. I was confident in them that I didn't even bother to proof read them. When I got them back and re-read them, it was like reading a post on this blog.... a post on this blog if I was drunk and angry. The papers were written the exact same way as I type on here... with spelling errors, poor grammar, and abbreviations like IMO. One paper contained the word "FUCK" in it twice, while the other actually contained the line, "The movie "The Grand Hotel" is the suck." HA HA HA. Fuck ya life. I'm lucky from some bizaare reason that my grades are amazing so far, so I can take this setback. If i could go back and re-do them I wouldn't. College is one of the biggest joke scams in the United States... I take that back. It is the biggest joke scam in America. I'm sick of the bullshit and its time I treat it as the joke it is. I confronted the teacher about the paper too. She said it was too opinionated. What?! I told her I was sorry I had free thought and didn't just "copy & paste" like 90% of the other students. Is that what you want you whorish women? To read the same god damn thing over and over copied straight from the textbook? I'm just trying to add some arregano to the sauce baby. Did I learn my lesson? Nope. I'm gonna shoot up H before I write my next paper. I want my teacher to literally become schizophrenic from reading the crazy that will be spewed onto my paper.

11.11.08

This is one of the best songs of all the times. The singing in this is amazing. I am convinced that this is hands down the most fun song in the world to sing along with. Right now let out at... "They dont cry-aye-aye!" Feels good doesn't it? You don't know how disappointed I was when old Meth Face (Fergie) released a song with the same title that had nothing to do with this version.

11.11.08

Saving Boxing

There was a boxing match tonight... does anyone even know? Does anyone even care? I think the HBK Series, "24/7" was one of the best things to happen to boxing, and Floyd Mayweather was just starting to get boxing to have that big event feel.... but then he retired. So the question is... how would I fix boxing?

First off, the 24/7 show should be for EVERY major fight. In todays reality show driven world, this does a lot more for promotion then confrences and appearances.

Next up I would have some bigger fights on HBO and Showtime and cut back on PPV's. Also for PPV's, instead of just one big fight, I would greatly improve the undercard so at least 2 fights have a big feel to them. This is a cue from WWE and even UFC have better undercards then boxing.

Now for my major plan. First off we get a network or cable channel. We take another page from UFC and their highly successful show, "The Ultimate Fighter". Basically the same format and a reprise of "The Contender". A bunch of heavyweight boxers living in a house and training, split into two teams. Unlike the contender... the fights aren't shot gimmicky and are straight up uncut fights, like the Ultimate Fighter.

Now for the tie in. A little while back, George Foreman said he could make Mike Tyson into a champion again... well do it. A new reality show about the reconstruction of Mike Tyson. This one I would pitch to a premium channel so it can be uncut and raw. Team him up with Foreman and some of the best trainers available. Show all the trials and tribulations.

Now for the big event... You have the winner of the reality show vs. Mike Tyson. Yup. Thats right. The Young Tiger vs. The Old Lion. Whoever wins... boxing wins. Either you have an amazing comeback story, or you have the next big up and comer in boxing. Tyson can still draw, and people still respect him. This fight would draw, and then you can set the winner up against the heavyweight champ. And if you don't think Tyson is entertaining just watch this video below... Who else can say "I'll eat your asshole alive you bitch!' and "I'll fuck you till you love me you faggot!"

11.7.08

I was just thinking about something today.... When I was watching the election coverage the other day, there was a black women, and they asked her why she voted for Obama. She was very blunt, and said she voted for him because he is black. Thats cool, at least shes honest. The main reason I voted for him is because he is a smoker. Ok... I'm lying... I didn't actually vote. *gasp* What the hell was I talking about? Oh yeah.... Now imagine if they interviewed some white guy and asked him why he voted for McCain. What if he replied, "Because he is white." He would be labeled as a racist. The question I have is this... is it possible to have white pride and not be considered a racist?

Now I understand, the whites are not the minority and we have not faced suppression, so we don't have that underdog/stick together mentality. But when it comes to basketball and boxing, we are the minority. I'm not ashamed to admit that the main reason I root for David Lee on the Knicks is because he is white. A good white basketball player in the NBA is a rarity, and I feel proud of him being a fellow white man. I don't think this is racist, it is important to be proud of what you are... wether it be white, black, latino, native american or even... a JEW! Its just that it seems white pride is always immediatly associated with racism. And then looking back on it, I realized that I just love rooting for an underdog. The white guy in basketball, a black guy in hockey, a native american in baseball (yes they have tho).

I'm actually feeling really good about Obama being elected. A lot of people just seem to be happier, and people are feeling good about this country again. I see flags everywhere and the rise of patriotism.. real patriotism, not that god awful fake shit that occurred after 9/11. With the election of Obama I really feel the world view of America has changed for the positive. America is now cool and hip, not run by some dumb hick.

And this election might actually help to ease up racism. I would like to see it gone for good, but that can never realistically happen. However I feel this is a step in the right direction. It's funny to me, that someone can hate some one based just on the color of their skin. Its like buying a bag of M&M's and refusing to eat the green ones. I got news for you racists... where all from the same damn place. And if my geography lessons remain sharp, I could swear that human life originated in Africa. So basically everyone is black/white/native american/whatever the hell came first. The skin pigment just depends on what part of the earth the people migrated too.

I have never felt there has been a bigger divide between the North and the South as there is right now.... oh yeah, The Civil War... forgot about that one. It's like this country is really two different countries. The people in the north feel the south is dumb uneducated hicks, and the south feels the north are spoiled gay liberals. Just look at the polls across the map, I don't recall them ever being so lopsided as they have been the past couple of years.

11.6.08

http://www.smthop.com/articles1details.asp?NewsNum=1142

That article above is hilarious. How can it not be when the headline is, "Obama Win Bittersweet for Detroit Residents Hoping to Riot".

11.6.08

Holy Fuck! What?! What?! What?! No Fuckin Way! No Fuckin Way! How in the hell?! They have working fucking holograms now?!?! I honestly can not believe it at all. That is one of the most incredible things I have ever seen. Im very glad they are using this amazing technology for such a good reason, like interviewing the asshole from Black Eyed Peas. If the dinosaurs already didn't prove there is no God then this certainly does.

Barrack YoMamma!

DO YOU SMELL WHAT BARACK IS COOKING?!

http://baracktmnds.ytmnd.com/

This is the main reason why McCain lost. Sarah Palin might be the single dumbest person walking on this earth. When she speaks, it is nothing more then an incoherent rambling. In this video you can even see how pissed off McCain is with her, and realizing that this dumb idiot just cost him the election. Man... I watch this video and can not believe how anyone could've voted for McCain,knowing that this bimbo could've ended up as president if he died. She can not even name ONE friggin newspaper or magazine. Every answer she gives sounds like me trying to bullshit my way out of a question in a Math class. She does not answer one question.... she dances around it and winds up saying a whole lot of nothing, stumbling all over her words. I would LOVE to see a debate between her and George Bush. I still can't believe that the Republican party thought putting this beauty queen as the VP candidate was a good idea, it has to be one of the biggest gaffles of all time. She might honestly be one of the dumbest people I have ever heard... I hope that she goes into hiding in that same cave with Bin Laden and is never ever seen again. Good Bye you brain dead ho fo sho!

Now onto our President Barack Obama... I want to say a few things. There have been such huge expectations put onto him that there is no way he will be able to live up to them. People are treating him like the second coming of God. Unless he walks on water and turns wine into beer, he will disappoint the masses. Another thing this election showed to me was the secret underlying racism in our country. I know some white people who wouldn't vote for him simply because he was black. Some white people are honestly afraid that him becoming president is going to lead to race wars or something... Like the whites will have to give up 40 acres all of a sudden.

Heres the scary thing... Democrats have the major majority in the house and the senate. There is basically no way the Republicans can override anything. Even if you are a Democrat, you don't want things to be so one sided. As of right now there are 54 Democrats in the Senate and 40 Republicans. That is pretty lopsided... thats kinda Nazi Germany Hitler status right there....

Overall I felt change was necessary so I'm satisfied with Obama. I have never liked a politican in my life and probably never will. So now the United States has its second ever black president. (Bill Clinton) I'm hoping the front page of the New York Post is a a photoshopped version of the White House painted black with the headline: "THE BLACK HOUSE".

Tropic Thunder

Ok... it must be said. The Dark Knight is probably the most overrated movie of all time. Was it a good superhero movie? Yeah. Was it a great movie? Not so much. And for my money, if you want superheroes... go see Iron Man it is better. Well back to Dark Knight.... everybody was clamoring about Heath Ledgers performance and how he deserves best supporting actor. I was thinking the same up until I saw Tropic Thunder last night. No... that honor should go to Robert Downey Jr. Wow. Just look at these two quotes from his character:

Kirk Lazarus: Yo asshole! This motha' fucka's dead. Ain't no Criss Angel Mindreak, David Baline trapdoor horse shit jumpin off here!

Kirk Lazarus: I'm just like a little boy, playin' with his dick when he's nervous.

Genius! Watching this movie you will honestly forget that Downey is a white man. And then later on he turns into an Australian and he is perfect at that too. And as good as Downey is... Tom Cruise might even be better. He is so good that you will honestly forget that he is batshit crazy and in a cult. There is also another amazing character played by Danny McBride ("Foot Fist Way"). What sets this movie high above a Will Ferrell movie is that the story is not an afterthought. The characters are well fleshed out and go through an emotional change, and it doesn't feel forced or fake.  The movie starts off as a tongue in cheek look at Hollywood (the opening fake trailers are phenomenal, especially Fatties: Fart 2) and winds up turning into an action film in the third act.

There are some negatives however. I didn't find Jack Black's character all that funny. The drug addict jokes got a little stale pretty quickly, and his character seemed more over the top then the rest and felt like he had the least progression. The third act with all the action also felt a little weird.

But this is a great film, and will be even funnier for anyone that has worked on a film set. Some of it reminded me a lot of the Entourage episodes when they are on the Median set. I'm kind of surprised it was as popular as it was, but it definitely deserved to be.

11.3.08

I don't think I have to remind you what you need to do. Does it really need to be said what you must do? Have you been watching TV at all lately? Have you been living in a cage? If you haven't you will then realize that you have to go out and.... buy the new Wendy's Buffalo Chicken Sandwich ASAP. Wow. I just had it and I have fell in love. Do you love Buffalo wings? Then you will love this... this makes the Spicy Chicken sandwich taste like filthy assholes. Man, Wendys did a good thing here... I remember I just recently had a sandwich the exact same at "Checkers" that used Franks Hot Sauce and t was awesome. After eating that I craved it again so badly but was pissed cause I have a better chance of finding a velociraptor then a fucken Checkers. Heres the thing about the sandwich tho... they dont tell you but it comes with blue cheese on it.. I got it without that because blue cheese is for pussies who can't take the heat.

BTW: Im reposting the best thing to come out of this election above

11.3.08

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Bobby Peru pays a visit

One of my favorite characters ever in a film... the amazing Bobby Peru.

11.2.09

You know how people say whats "Hot" and whats "Not"? Whats "In" and whats "Out"? Well let me tell you whats not cool anymore...this might shock you a bit.... but its America. If you haven't noticed this country has gone to shit and Obama or McCain ain't going to really change anything. It's going to take about 6 years before this country is a shell of what it was. Look around... there is no patriotism, the rest of the world hates us and rightfully so and America is not on the cutting edge of anything. America is not the authority on technology, clothing, music, or cinema. The arts are fuckn god awful right now. Most television and movies are utter garbage and what good music is really coming out of America anymore? You may call me a terrorist, communist, blasphemous, whatever you want, but the fact of the matter is right now America sucks. I know we have been programed to not think such thoughts, but its the truth and you know deep down you feel somewhat the same but are afraid to admit it. Who is proud to be an America anymore? This country has turned into a joke, we don't export anything... the only thing keeping us a super-power is the fact we have a strong military and aren't afraid to use force. We are a big dumb ignorant bully who tells other countries to love Democracy or we will beat you up. Don't get me wrong.... I'm American, born and raised... and I ain't a rat who flees a sinking ship... I want to see this country return to glory.. but right now... America sucks.

I don't know... I never felt so angry in all my life. I'm generally a very easy going person, but lately I just got this underlying anger in everything I do. I'm really fed up with everything, and everywhere I look around me it just seems like no one is thriving and no one is happy. I feel like I'm getting fucked and there's nothing I can do about it. Its this angry feeling that lies in me, and I get a feeling that its in a lot of other people too. The whole formula for success is getting screwed up. Finish college with a degree and you still can't land a job... but not just any job... a great paying one. All the shows on television and the media just glamorise these celebrities and their lifestyles... lifestyles becoming more and more impossible for the average person to achieve. The American Dream has become so warped and delusional that one can not help but feel like a failure. Our minds are being raped by the media, and we do not even realize it. We are being programed to think what they want us to view as true happiness.... and they make sure that it is damn near unattainable, leading to a society filled to the brim with depression and anxiety. I feel like I have been brainwashed for so long and am just now beginning to wake up.

I want you to sit back and think of your ideal situation. Where would you live? What would be your job? What would you wear? What would you drive? Now look at that situation and really ask yourself why you want it. Is it because you have been preprogrammed to feel that this is what you desire? Is it because here in America we are told to view mediocrity and normalcy as something terrible? I'm ready to just go off into the woods and live with nature... like "Into The Wild". That movie gets it man... it basically gives off this message that I'm talking about right here. This country to me right now feels like a huge big zit. All this puss is building up and bulging out. And I feel like all these politicians and the media have been giving it a few squeezes..... well guess what? That son of a bitch is going to pop soon or the other. It feels like we are on the verge of another big counter culture evolving... like the 60's and 70's. Protests and what not popping up. All I know is somethings got to give.