THE DAY I DIED
Yup it's true. I shouldn't be sitting here typing on this blog today. I should've died in that beautiful '85 Nissan Maxima that you see above. That same Maxima that was basically unrecognizable after the accident. But instead, I walked away without a scratch...and it was from then on I knew I was Unbreakable.
Me and dad were driving to Sag Harbor one summer day. This is back in the day and I was in elementery school. It must of been the hottest day in the history of the world and the air conditioner in the car was broke. I was sitting passenger with my seat reclining as far back as possible. I also had headphones from my discman, (see kids, we used to listen to music before iPods. We used to have to pay for music! And there were these things called Compact Discs, that were like tiny records) and I was blasting music. Back then I was probably listening to LL Cool J at the time. (see kids, he was a rapper from Queens.) Anyway, I was also asleep at the time...I guess the lulling melodies of "Doin It" just put me right out. The big problem was that my dad was about to fall asleep himself, and he was driving.
I feel the car start bouncing around and its real bumpy, like we just went off-road at that Safari shit at six flags. Speaking of which...don't feed the giraffes, because they have freakishly long black tounges! Freakishly long and black is also usually how my penis is described too. And DO NOT mock the ostriches. Anywho, The car was bouncing and I wake up and look ahead of me. I see and bunch of branches and leaves hitting off the front windshield. I turned to my dad, "Where the hell are we?!" I see him sweating and cluthching onto the steering wheel tightly. I just woke up and had no idea where the hell we were, it could've been the Amazonian rainforest for all I knew. I then see that we are heading directly for a big tree. My dad swipes the wheel last second and the car goes airborn into a barrel roll. As this happens I elevate off my seat and start floating towards the roof. See kids, this is why you wear a seatbelt. My dad speared me in mid air and held onto me as the car flipped back onto its right side.
There was a moment of silence right after the flip as we sat there and looked at each other. I finally broke the silence and said, "Where the hell were you going?!" People pulled over to the side and waited outside the car suspecting we were mangled and dead. I remeber pushing the destroyed door open and I came out like Evil Kanevil surviving a stunt. I lifted my hand in the air to signal I was ok and the crowd cheered. Neither me or my dad had a scratch on us, but the car was totaled. I still feel like I cheated death on that day. If my dad didnt tackle me and bring me down, I would have died. But all in all it was awesome. I would like to take this time right now to thank my dad for driving off the road into the fucking forest and almost kill us both. Peace out beyoches!
