Sick Day

I love being sick! Sleep all day, do nothing, watch movies, take Nyquil, what else can a man want? Today I watched "Predators", "Bugsy", and "Diary of Anne Frank" in that order. No BS. I don't know what the method to my madness was but I really enjoyed al three.

One more thing. The Entertainment Industry labels most stoners as video game players. This is not true. Games are WAY too complex now a days for stoners.. were not talking fucking "Dr.Mario" here anymore These games now are like actually being dropped in Afghanistan and fighting in a war. When your mad high do you really want to fight in a war? Nope. Think of the biggest potheads you know and see if they play video games? Nope. They are watching dumb reality television, or Adam Sandler movies. No one has EVER watched "Dog The Bounty Hunter" while not on drugs. These shows simply are not enjoyable with a sober mind.

Ramblins

It is Mother FUCKING Shark Week Beatrices! Christmas come early c-words... and by c-word I mean "cat enthusiasts". I love how some words are so powerful they become THE word for that letter. Like the f-word.

Obama was on The View.. Wait, What? He claimed to not know who Snooki is. I do not buy it for one second.... or maybe the "Jersey Shore" is a white people thing. Maybe black people dont get it... kind like how white people feel about Tyler Perry.

Speaking of Jersey Shore... the new season SUCKS. The show is no longer a parody as they are self-aware. Its obvious some of the situations are contrived (more so then last season) and that they are being fed lines now. I think 90% of the "Confessionals" stuff is scripted. The Situation and Pauly D need their own travel show, or like a Flavor of Love type thing... "The Flavor of Disease".

Am I going to hell for finding "Intervention" to be one of the funniest shows on television. Allow me to quote Biggie Smalls, "When I die fuck it I want to go to hell, cause I'm a piece of shit it ain't hard to fucking tell." That should have been my yearbook quote. Its kind of weird being stoned while watching "Intervention".

You know whats funny to me... people who are fans of Kelly Clarkson... Fuck me if Z100 does not blow dicks. (or local pop station for non NY'ers) How can those 40 year old DJ's feign interest in Jersey Shore, crazy bands, and the newest Justin Bieber song. FUCK ME! I would lose my soul doing that job. I honestly feel bad for those guys. The one guy calls himself Frat Boy or some shit and he is like 40. I'm not suggesting to do this.. but if someone happened to off one of them it might be considered a mercy killing. And if you think I'm being cruel screw you because they prank call people with some really crazy twisted stuff. These DJ's probably hire Taiwanese Hookers to walk all over them while wearing high heels. Sick People.

If you dont get the pic above then you really need to go watch "30 Rock"s earlier seasons.

Random Ramblins

Just started watching "Moon" and it hit me... in every movie when a computer talks it is either a well spoken man or woman who is overly polite with no emotion what so ever in their voice. It kind of sounds like the Yuppies in Brooklyn. Did "Space Odyssey" start this? My GPA device, the voice is that of Richard Simmons. It can't direct me to go straight tho.... HA HA . It discourages me from driving straight tho... Ha Ha! See what I did there.

I was thinking... with the advancement of technology, every new device seems to talk. I swear my toothbrush now even talks when I'm "doin' work" (thats slang for brushing my teeth). With all these talking appliances I feel like I'm in a future version of the "Flintstones". Hmmmm... a future version of the Flintstones cartoon... someone should do that.

The new Youtube sucks. The Youtube layout was something that did not need changing. Now you can't give a video a star rating, you either give thumbs down or thumbs up. At least you have a choice... In the world of Facebook you either like something or too fucking bad. Remain silent. You don't think this is done on purpose? And how come the government keeps putting secret listening devices in my cereal.

Speaking of which.... You ever notice how every crazy person or druggie thinks they are being watched and spied on by the government. Why the hell does the government need to watch THEM and their lunacy. It would be funny if the government actually was watching them with the newest spy technology. "Lets test out these new chips on "PCP" Dan.... no one will believe him.

Random Ramblins

- I asked a fellow dude, "How many pounds is your medicine ball?" And then there was awkward silence as I realized that might have been the gayest sentence I ever uttered. I quickly added a "No homo" and resolved the tension.

- How come we park in a drive-way and drive on a parkway? Why is it called a toilet when everyone pisses in the sink?

- I don't know why people get such a hard-on for cold pizza. Call me odd but I like my pizza hot. I also don't get the whole drinking milk with pizza either.

- Where is Womens Rights Group man? Where is the pride woman had a fight for my rights and all that heresay? Women need to seriously fight back against the image being presented of them. They should be angry about being portrayed as whores in music, film, and television. Shouldn't women be protesting girls gone wild? And I know what your thinking, " Oh MJ what the hell?! Are you gay?! Then there wont be anymore party girls!" Fuck girls. Its all about women. The sexy established business women with class is a much better fuck then that drunk Whoreverfeild Monster in the corner of the bar. I want to ravish them completely. I want to devour them to the point of ecstasy. Listen to Mike....

Random Ramblins

-Whats up ho's and hoettes? I've been using the term, 'Ho fo' sho'!" lately more then any white male should.

-Jersey Shore 2 is announced but wont take place at the Jersey Shore? Huh? We have a situation here. I say put them in Compton... or AMISH TOWN!!! Everyone knows the Amish equal ratings. It will be so crazy cause the Amish are like old fashioned and the "Guidos" are so not like them!!!!!!!!1!!!!!1! Its is effin craaazey. I should work for MTV with ideas like this. Give me a call Viacom!

- I turn to my daily New York Post (reading another paper would be uncivilized) and I see the Giant Obese Humongous Slobbish Rex Ryan giving me the middle finger. It is insane how well Sexy Rexy fits with the New York Jets. He was tailored made for this franchise. You can picture him chugging a beer funnel while molesting a plate of hot wings. I like using serious words inappropriately. The other day while failing miserably at my Italian final I said to my friend, "I am literally raping this test.

- Speaking another language is not for me. I can barely speak English. i have probably the worst memory of all time. Take that back... I can only remember incidents I find funny. I can not remember things like names, dates, and numbers to save my life. Literally. I am dead now... I lost my life because i could not remember when Columbus sailed the blue. Apparently it wasn't 1992.

- Hey did you see the Grammys last night?! Neither did I.

- Ive been obsessed lately with getting stoned and eating Wendy's salads. Your munching out but your doing it the healthy way.

- Who decided that blue was manly and pink was girly? You ever think of shit like this? You should.

- Why do all homeless schizophrenics think that they are being watched by the government, and that agents put microchips in them. Speaking of schizo's my cousin who is a priest said an interesting thing.... he sometimes wonders if all these schizos that apparently see the devil actually see the devil What if the devil picks on these weak that no one will believe.

- I feel bad for male ladybugs.

Random Ramblins

I am officially sick of Tiger Woods and his FUCKING. Didn't some guy named Michael Jackson die not too long ago? Can't we talk about him again? At least he was a charismatic enigma of epic proportions. Tiger Woods is seriously one of the most boring people on the planet. I like to think when he opens his closet its like a Pee Wee Herman, just the same outfit a thousand times. Nike hat, golf shirt, and slacks. I remember seeing him at a Lakers game and he was dressed exactly the same as when he is on the course. Heres a spoiler.... Black athletes FUCK white women. Its been this way for years and always will be. Go smell Charles Barkleys dick and you will probably recognize your mothers scent.

I saw the Tim Burton exhibit at the MoMa. It was awesome. I don't know if Burton was a user of hallucinogenic drugs but I would assume his mind was "expanded". His movies for me are pretty hit and miss, with all being visually awesome. Ed Wood, Beetlejuice, Scissorhands are classics. People forget that Burton started with Disney.

Does anyone remember the show "Amazing Stories". It was produced by Steven Spielberg and he directed a few episodes. Its basically the "Twilight Zone". I forgot how amazing these stories were, and am just watching the season on Netflix.

Todays Google image (top of this post) might be favorite one of all time... so far. Ch-Ch-Check it out!

RAndom Ramblins

Look at the picture... Fucking look at it! Look at it you fucking whore! Oh so now your crying again... WAH WAH WAH! Fucking cry bitch! Cry Bitch! Oh your daddy's going to do what? Fuck him too... I will literally cripple him... make him spend the rest of his life asking which restaurants have a ramp. 

Oh hey... its you guys. Look at that cool picture I posted up above. That is real. Someone really painted that on the street and probably caused thousands of accidents. If I was driving down the road high or drunk (not that I drink and drive anymore) I would most certainly think some earthquake shit was happening as swerve off into the nearest telephone pole or child. How long did that shit take and why does it not get more recognition. That shit is nearly as good as the sixteenth chapel, but I guess just because Michelangelo was a ninja turtle his work got all the fame. BULLSHIT!

I saw this Tracy Morgan quote from 30 Rock... "Diabetes are the white mans myth... like Larry Bird and Colorado."  That should be a quote of the week.

Theres an article in the newest GQ on Zach Galifnakis that actually had me laughing out loud like 6 times. He is a comedic genius like few on this planet and in between all the bullshit mens fashion are some amazingly written articles in GQ.

Worst mistake of my life... I saw an ad on the internet that said I won a free iPhone and for some reason this ad seemed different from the rest. I really thought I actually got lucky and won the damn thing. So I filled out this shit and gave them my e-mail address and house number... Was I smoking fucking crack?! What followed were thousands of spam mail and hundreds of phone calls. It took about a month and years of therapy to go away. Sometimes the phone would ring and I would answer and it would be nothing but animal noises... LOUD animal noises. I dont know what they were selling... but I bought it.

Random Ramblins

-This might be the most bizarre thing I have ever seen on the Internet... and that is saying something... Here is the link: http://www.thisman.org/history.htm

...So apparently Dr.Katz comes into a lot of peoples dreams and offers advice. I have never dreamt of this fucking guy... I rather dream about Freddy fucking Kreuger then this creepy son of a bitch.

- I remember when I played on a bowling team when I was a pre-teen called "The Bowlar Bears". One week I came into the alley and found out we were playing the "Blind" team. How in the hell?! How the hell are blind people going to friggin bowl? This is going to be hazardous, are they going to be throwing balls all over the damn alley, sliding down the lane while holding the ball like Goofy in a cartoon? To my disappointment "blind" team simply meant a team that wasn't there... point of this is this.... Wait... what the fuck is the point of this? Oh yeah I remember.... The Jets are playing the Buffalo Bills this Sunday and I'm going to the game. The Jets have a better chance of losing to the West Virginia Cripples.

- Captain Lou Albano just died. He was one of wrestlings greatest managers, father of Cyndi Lauper, and Super F'N Mario. That is quite a resume. I'm not sure what he was a "Captain" of, but I can assure you it wasn't something lame like "Crunch".

- I just saw "Unforgiven" for the first time and It blew me away. Clint Eastwood was pretty bad ass before he turned into a skeleton who coached that horsefaced lesbian. Speaking of horsefaces I rather pour acid on my dick then screw Sarah Jessica Parker.

- Two new movies I'm dying to see right now... "Where the Wild Things Are" and "Black Dynamite".

- Get your DVR's ready. Tomorrow on Oprah its a very special LIVE episode and it will feature Mike Tyson and Holyfield meeting face to face for the first time since the infamous bear biting incident.

Random Ramblins

-How come you can ask someone what nationality they are and they will respond, "Jewish". I don't respond "Buddhist" when asked that question. 

-What the hell is the difference between being a Catholic and a Christian?

-When a girl asks for help banging a vending machine because her "Cooler Ranch Doritos" got stuck.. and I.. umm I mean someone shoulder thrusts that thing like I'm trying out for the Ravens O-Line... shouldn't that person at least be offered half the chips or the extra Hershey's bar that fell?

- How good are Gushers? On Halloween I fill the insides with the blood of an HIV positive person and give it to the kids. I'm kidding..... I use needles in the apples of course.

- I bet you about 40 percent of people in this country think you can get AIDS from the bite of a mosquito... as long as that mosquito previously just bit someone with AIDS.

- Today I honestly saw 5 different spiders in the house. Its like arachnophobia in this mother fucker. I of course don't kill them, because it is bad luck and they destroy the "bad" insects. As long as they don't crawl in my ear to live and nest or bite my cheek and then a thousand babies come burst out... we can share this house, and be inter-species roommates.

- If you want to read my best work on this site go to the sidebar and click on the tab that says "STORY". That is were you can experience my true genius... not this 3 in the morning ramblin BULLSHIT!

- I hate people who type in all caps. They have never questioned it and never once bothered to see what the caps lock button does. When I'm reading a convo and I see caps I automatically assume the person is yelling at the top of their lungs. It's just like when you see, "lol", you visualize the person laughing. Most of the time when I type "lol" Im dressed in womens clothing, pumps, clown face paint, and crying uncontrollable. 

- Everyone is so excited for the day to come when we can talk to each other and actually see each other... video confrence a la Jetsons. Why do you want this? You really need to see my unshaven ass laying on the couch in boxers fiddling with my balls. Is this what you really want? Am I going to have to start getting dressed and doing my hair to talk to someone on the fucking phone?! Think about this.. you really don't want this technology.

- If I hear someone say the word "tweet" again I am going to knock out their fucking teeth and force them to perform fellatio on my erect penis.

- Far too often I think my cell phone is broken because I am not hearing a dial tone... this is not even a joke.

- Go to just about anyones facebook page and look at their albums. Look at how much free advertising alcohol companies are getting in damn near every picture. Those marketing wizards have us so warped into believing that a beer in hand equals fun. Its funny you dont see pics of people doing lines or popping pills or with a needle hanging out of their arm.

- How come cigarettes are treated as a much bigger threat to society then alcohol. When was the last time a cigarette has caused someone to have a violent outburst and when was the last time a cigarette has killed an innocent person. (and dont give me that secondhand smoke bullshit)

- I love when you have former gang members talking to kids  trying to prevent them from joining gangs. As soon as they start talking about all the crazy shit they used to do their eyes come alive. It reminded me of this guy that was in one of my cells one time; "I havent smoked crack in 3 years, but if I had it right now... I would smoke it. But don't do that shit it fucks you up."

- A dude in his 20's walked into class yesterday wearing a Chris Brown hoodie. Why? Why would you buy that in the first place. Then why would you wear it after the whole Rhianna mess? Or maybe this guy is a real jokester and bought it after the fact and showing his support of domestic abuse.

WHAT THE SHIT?! LOL