-What the hell is the difference between being a Catholic and a Christian?
-When a girl asks for help banging a vending machine because her "Cooler Ranch Doritos" got stuck.. and I.. umm I mean someone shoulder thrusts that thing like I'm trying out for the Ravens O-Line... shouldn't that person at least be offered half the chips or the extra Hershey's bar that fell?
- How good are Gushers? On Halloween I fill the insides with the blood of an HIV positive person and give it to the kids. I'm kidding..... I use needles in the apples of course.
- I bet you about 40 percent of people in this country think you can get AIDS from the bite of a mosquito... as long as that mosquito previously just bit someone with AIDS.
- Today I honestly saw 5 different spiders in the house. Its like arachnophobia in this mother fucker. I of course don't kill them, because it is bad luck and they destroy the "bad" insects. As long as they don't crawl in my ear to live and nest or bite my cheek and then a thousand babies come burst out... we can share this house, and be inter-species roommates.
- If you want to read my best work on this site go to the sidebar and click on the tab that says "STORY". That is were you can experience my true genius... not this 3 in the morning ramblin BULLSHIT!
- I hate people who type in all caps. They have never questioned it and never once bothered to see what the caps lock button does. When I'm reading a convo and I see caps I automatically assume the person is yelling at the top of their lungs. It's just like when you see, "lol", you visualize the person laughing. Most of the time when I type "lol" Im dressed in womens clothing, pumps, clown face paint, and crying uncontrollable.
- Everyone is so excited for the day to come when we can talk to each other and actually see each other... video confrence a la Jetsons. Why do you want this? You really need to see my unshaven ass laying on the couch in boxers fiddling with my balls. Is this what you really want? Am I going to have to start getting dressed and doing my hair to talk to someone on the fucking phone?! Think about this.. you really don't want this technology.
- If I hear someone say the word "tweet" again I am going to knock out their fucking teeth and force them to perform fellatio on my erect penis.
- Far too often I think my cell phone is broken because I am not hearing a dial tone... this is not even a joke.
- Go to just about anyones facebook page and look at their albums. Look at how much free advertising alcohol companies are getting in damn near every picture. Those marketing wizards have us so warped into believing that a beer in hand equals fun. Its funny you dont see pics of people doing lines or popping pills or with a needle hanging out of their arm.
- How come cigarettes are treated as a much bigger threat to society then alcohol. When was the last time a cigarette has caused someone to have a violent outburst and when was the last time a cigarette has killed an innocent person. (and dont give me that secondhand smoke bullshit)
- I love when you have former gang members talking to kids trying to prevent them from joining gangs. As soon as they start talking about all the crazy shit they used to do their eyes come alive. It reminded me of this guy that was in one of my cells one time; "I havent smoked crack in 3 years, but if I had it right now... I would smoke it. But don't do that shit it fucks you up."
- A dude in his 20's walked into class yesterday wearing a Chris Brown hoodie. Why? Why would you buy that in the first place. Then why would you wear it after the whole Rhianna mess? Or maybe this guy is a real jokester and bought it after the fact and showing his support of domestic abuse.
WHAT THE SHIT?! LOL
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