Ask Sonic

Dear Sonic,

I was at my local flea market and I stumbled across this backpack? Care to explain?

Love,

Timmy

West Virginia

SONIC: Fuck... I knew that shit would come back to haunt me. You know you got a drug problem when your bootlegging your own god damn shit to get a fix. I was shocked that I'm not that big of a seller no mores... so I added the two things kids love most in this world... Harry Potter and Obama. I had to stop selling them shits cause some gook kids got seizures watching it in motion because of all the colors. God damn was I high when I made that shit.

Ask Sonic

Dear Sonic,

   Yo...I know you be messing around with that "ice" brah. I know you've been ducking trial and I was just wondering.. you really think you can 

escape Dog The Bounty Hunter you ice head motherfucker?! If the Dog don't getcha then it will be Leland or my.... I mean his wife! At the end of the criminal rainbow- there is no pot of gold Sonic! So I'm asking... do you really think you can escape the Dog?!

Duane Chapman

Hawaii

SONIC: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh shit... Let me catch my breath...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!  Dawg you look like a old cracked out broke ass Diamond Dallas Page! You aint never gonna see me!

Ask Sonic

Yo Sonic,

I dont know what to do B! I love that bling bling and I fucking love them Tony the Tiger corn flakes... but you know we's in the Recession and I cant afford both..... Ya Smell Me?

Bubb Rubb

Ohio

Sonic:

Ask Sonic

Dear Sonic,

    I am having such a dilemma! It seems like everything in today's day and age ends with a dot com and a bunch of "W"s in the front. Its hard for someone like me in the twilight of their life to grasp such new concepts such as "The Internet". This has become a big problem because my daughter keeps trying to deliver me photos of my grandson by the "e-mail". I have no idea how to receive the "e-mail" and have not seen my grandson in 5 years. How do I find this "e-mail"? I desperately want to see my grandson!

From,

Beatrice

SONIC: What the fuck do I know Ho! You say you old as shit, what the fuck you needs to be on the internet for? You ain't looking for fresh pussy on MySpace and you damn sure aint searching for booty clappin hoes! So I say you dont even need that shit!

Ask Sonic

Well this monthly feature has been missing here recently. Sonic is extremely hard to locate, and will only contact you when he is looking to "borrow" money. After numerous unanswered messages, Sonic finally responded to us and conducted this interview from a prison. He claimed he was serving a "bid" from some old weapon charges brought against him. He said he is in good health and spirits and "running shit inside like usual". Sonic also revealed that he had a lot of "friends" on the inside. Sonic is a known associate of the "Bloods" street gang, and flaunts his association by always wearing vibrant red sneakers.

Q.)       Dear Sonic,

            

What are some of your favorite television shows?

                                           From,

                                                  Cyndi

SONIC: I don't watch television much no mores... you know what I'm sayin? But when I do watch I like to check out ummm... "Real Sex" on HBO..... sometimes late night on Cinemax is some good shit too. I like my shows to have at least some fucking you know what I'm sayin? If there aint gonna be no fuckin', then why am I wasting my time watching when I can be out fuckin? Ya Smell Me? Besides for them I used to fucks with "Fraggel Rock".

Ask Sonic

Dear Sonic,

I really like McDonalds, cars, and rims. What should I do?

From,

Lil Bo

Sonic:  

Ask Sonic

Dear Sonic,

What's Black and White and Red all over?

From,

Little Timmy

SONIC: Michael Jackson's swollen dick after pounding a little boy in the ass?

Ask Sonic

The newest edition of Sonics mailbag. Feel free to send in a question and we will have Sonic answer it in between his court dates.

Dear Sonic,

What do you think of the Olympics?

Jessica

California

SONIC: Fuck the Olympics... I take that back. They got some young shortys doing gymnasiums with thighs like a fucking race horse. A n*gga like me could break his dick off inside that sweet cooch brown all day. I'd eat the corn out they ass...cause a n*gga fuck like he got hydrolics....fuck like a rabbit. I be hittin' switches on bitches fo' sho. And they be young too... like 15. Ho's aint like wine... they don't get better with age. HA HA HA HA!

Ask Sonic

This is the new feature here that will appear once a month. To celebrate its launch this is the second one I'm posting.... then you assholes have to wait a month. Sonic really needs no introduction. He is the "bad boy of the 90's", and a frequent "visitor" of many a prison. 

Dear Sonic,

I was just curious to find out what are some of your favorite hobbies? What do you in your spare time to chillax?

Audrey

Richmond, VA

SONIC: I remember when we were in the showers in the pen. This n*gga Donkey Kong walks in, and I swear to God, I thought a black midget was walking between his legs. That n*gga washed next to me and I made damn sure to hold that soap as tight as I wanted to keep my asshole, you know what I'm sayin? Wait... what was the question?

Ask Sonic

Sonic The Hedgehog is a regular here at the blog. He oozes 90's attitude... an era where it was all about cool shades, giving thumbs up, leather jackets, and spewing witty sarcastic one-liners. In between his legal battles, Sonic will be a part of a new feature here at "The Voices"..... This is the first edition of "Ask Sonic".

Dear Sonic,

I have had a crush on this girl that works at the Waffle House for a while now. I finally mustered up the courage to ask her on a date and she said yes! I'm so excited, but I don't know where to take her on our first date. I want to leave a good impression.... do you have a suggestion?

Jeremy

Virginia

Sonic: Huh? The bitch works at the waffle house.... make her get you some free shit or something. I don't know why a n*gga be dating in the first place.... this ain't the 50's n*gga where I take a ho to the drive thru movies. I take my ho's to the bathroom stall and let them run they mouth till they knees sore. The only reason Sonic ever got blue balls is cause of my fur. I'll even let that little n*gga Tails make out with them after I bust up in they mouth.... I don't tell him tho. HA HA HA!

Sonic Disaster

With the release of Grand Theft Auto 4, the debate about violence in video games has heated up once again. Are the games to blame? For this post I've decided to sit down with a man who oozes 90's style attitude....the always controversial Sonic the Hedgehog. When we last saw him he released a rap album and single, "Dem Jews got da Jewelz". Both were commercial flops and Sonic has since then hit a real downslide. When Sonic showed up for this interview, he did not seem to be in "great" shape.... to say it politely. He was extremely incoherent as he mumbled and slurred his words...basically unintelligible. His balance was also terribly off, making it hard for him to stand. I literally had to carry him and sit him at a table. He then proceeded to fall to the floor and begin vomiting. I asked what he had been taking, to which be barely responded, "The Heavy Stuff". I kept trying to help him to his feet but to little success. At this point Sonics demeanor changed for the worse. A list of profanities came spewing out of his mouth and he swung and barely hit me. Sonic was now manic, ready to fight anyone. With him in such a loony state, I  barely managed to conduct the interview...At first I was going to keep this under wraps  out of respect...but hopefully this might be a wake up call for him.

Q.  Do you feel violent video games promote real life violenc?

A.  What the fuck is that?! That game huh? whats it called? HA HA HA! Audio Theft?!

      Let me tell you something... I did all that before violence was cool. I dont need a game to kill a whore...thats called Tuesday to me. I literally stomped nggz out for DoDo Money!

Q.  DoDo Money?

A.  Yea DoDo....that means that money is extinct like that bird.... small change that I extincted.         BUT LISTEN....you got to know this......DoDo is better then NoDo. HA HA!

Q.  When a child plays violent game, does it reveal tendency's that might be better left alone?

(At this point Sonic leaned his head over his shoulder and was not moving. It was about 3 minutes before he bounced back fully awake and active)

A. I DONT KNOW AND I DONT GIVE A FUCK, AND FUCK WHATEVER YOU TALKING ABOUT!

(Sonic then grabbed the closest thing, which was a saltshaker, and threw it across the room shattering it. He was beginning to become more and more uncontrollable.)

Q.  A game like Grand Theft Auto where a player can go and actually -

A.  Fuck the Grand Auto! What are we talking about here? Violence or bullshit?!

Q. No Violence as it....

A. Well then I will give you violence in spades mofo!

Q. Is it related to gaming by any chance?

A. How is this for Reality TV.... I killed Chester Cheeta motherfuckers! My ass was outside that      strip club my damn self.

Q. Was this action brought about by being influenced by a video game?

A. No.

Q. Any closing comments?

A. Yeah...Bitch it ain't mine...I told you im fixed!

Wow. So I guess playing violent video games does not lead to murder or what not. We need something else to blame now. I blame people. I blame human beings. Animals only kill for hunt. Humans came and fucked up everything. Oh and there's a bombshell....Sonic admitted to killing Chester.....Im guessing some jail time for that one.

I would advise those that are new here, to go up to the top right and you can see labels. Some of the more interesting posts here get a label. Click on the sonic one and you can follow up on his whole story thus far....

Dem Jews got the Jewelz

Great Moments in Songwriting...

For those of you that don't know, the epitome of 90's attitude, Sonic, has released a rap album. It is one of the most vile things I've heard, promoting sex, drugs, violence, and murder, and non stop bashing of the gays, PETA members, the church, and woman. One of the most controversial songs is the new single, "Dem Jews got the Jewelz." It is obviously anti-semitic and attempts to touch on the issue of Blood Diamonds. Here is this "masterpiece"....

" (HOOK x2:) Dem Jews Got the Jewelz,

 Black Kids crying,

Cause Jews turn them... to mother fuckin Diamonds!

(Verse 1)  Hooked nose white demon,

Fuck a bitch eat semen,

2 glock nines and a gold plated mack millie,

Buck these jakes that even dare to look silly,

Phony ass n***az just like Milli Vanilli,

Fuck these ho's,

give em a few extra holes,

cause this asshole is in your asshole,

breaking off a nut,

as I gun butt,

Jews and them fags,

cause this ain't no Brokeback,

and Heath  ain't coming back,

Ands that my rap, 

And this is a wrap....One"

Wow I think that he managed to offend everyone with that one. Way to go Sonic, no wonder your single isn't climbing up the charts. I really think these might be some of the most extreme lyrics I ever posted here.

Sonics album...

Sonic, is a regular here at RR. We interview the controversial 90's star from time to time, and the last interview can be seen HERE . Back then we were asking him his thoughts on the passing of his former running mate Chester. Since that time, Sonic has come out with a new rap album. On that album is a "tribute" song to Chester, and the controversial new single, "Dem Jews got the Jewelz". We sat down with Sonic for his thoughts....


Q.) Sonic you are no stranger to controversy. Your new single, "Dem Jews got the Jewelz" is being called anti-semitic. Is this true?

A.) It is what it is. I'm not making up shit, you know what I'm say'n? Dem Jews do got those Jewelz....am I right? This song is making people aware of blood diamonds and little black children dying, you know what I'm say'n? 

Q.) Huh? 

A.) The Jews man...how they get the Jewelz. They turn black kids into jewelz or some shit, I wasn't really paying attention during that movie.

Q.) Ok, what about your song that is "dedicated" to Chester, entitled, "Heaven Got Another Pussy". The inside artwork of your booklet also has a picture of you standing in front of a tombstone that reads on it, "Here Lies A Bitch Ass". Many people think that is a diss towards Chester too.

A.) It is what it is.

Q.) How do you respond to these lyrics from that same song: "Chester was a bitch but he no longer here, I won't be happy till his kids disappear."

A.) You got it all wrong, it was a dedication man.

Q.) Closing comments?

A.) Fuck Dog the Bounty Hunter.

BREAKING NEWS!

Wow...I gotta say, this one caught me off guard. I remember being into Chester Cheeta when I was a kid....Here is the article from CNN.com .... They messed up his name tho in the article.

"MOBILE, Alabama (CNN) -- Famous "Cheetos" mascot, "Chester Cheeto", has been found dead on this December morning. "Chester Cheeto" was apparently shot late Sunday night after getting into an altercation at a local strip club. Witnesses say Chester entered the "Cafe Erotica" nightclub around 11 PM Sunday Night. He was escorted by a 5 man entourage and came in with a garbage bag of single dollar bills. Jamarcus Ware was a patron at the club that night; "He appeared very drunk. He was flashing money around and talking very loud. At one point he got on the house mic and started rapping and challenged people to fight him." Police are investigating if he had any known enemies at the time. Apparently he later got into a scuffle with a couple of unidentified men, which came to blows and later ended with bloodshed outside the nightclub. Chester was shot 5 times in the chest. Chester Cheeto rose to prominence in the 1990's. The 90's were a time when every company seemed to be looking for "attitude". Chester was the epitome of 90's attitude. This bad boy image that landed him the job, also landed him in and out of court. He battled multiple lawsuits and drug problems and ended up in jail three times, with his longest sentence lasting 2 years. December 3, 2007 marks an end to his tragic life."

Back in the 90's I know that Chester used to roll with Sonic. They were two dudes with 'tude and the two of them used to get into a lot of trouble together. However, they had a falling out a couple of years back and haven't talked since. We have interviewed Sonic twice on this blog, which you can check out HERE.

We were recently just able to get in touch with Sonic who had not yet heard of this news. Here is the interview with the controversial Sonic the Hedgehog.

Q.) Sonic what was your initial thought when hearing this news?

A.) Good.

Q.) I know you two had a falling out, but you had to feel some remorse.

A.) No...fuck him. Chester was a no good motherfucking drug addict. The news is trying to make him out to be a motherfuckin' hero now. They talk about him selling them cheezy bullshits, but they ain't talking about him selling his asshole for crank. Go ask that asshole Dr.Robotnik if you don't believe me.

Q.) Why did you two have a falling out?

A.) I may do a lot of fucked up shit, but I always pay my child support to all my babies mommas. Thats one thing Chester would never do and it pissed me off. Why should the kids have to pay cause he an asshole? We fought over that shit and that was it.

11.28.07

A while back here on the blog, I conducted an interview with Sonic The Hedgehog. (You can check that out HERE ) He is a controversial media figure that oozes 90's attitude. Recently, I got the chance to speak with him again, and get his opinion on the HUGE success of his rival Mario's new game.

Q.) Some say you and Mario are the 2Pac and Biggie of the gaming world. Does it bother you that his new game, "Mario Galaxy" is one of the highest selling games ever?

A.) No. Playing that game is my second favorite thing to do.

Q.) What is the first?

A.) Fucking the Princess in the mouth.

Q.) Do you mean Princess Peach?

A.) No...I mean Princess Diana. I've been skull fucking her corpse while on speed for 3 years now.

Q.) Any closing comments?

A.) Yeah....The Rutgers Women Basketball team are a bunch of nappy headed ho's.

6.20.07

My interview with "Sonic the Hedgehog"

Q: Sonic, can you describe Dr.Robotnik with one word?

A: Well that depends if you consider Mother-Fucker one word.

Q: What have you been up to since your last game?

A: You know a spot where I can get some pussy? I'm horny as a mother fucker. And you got a number I can call to get some nose candy?

(How this idea came about: I was playing Sonic the Hedgehog recently. The idea is basically this, Dr.Robotnik is the main bad guy and he takes cute little furry animals and traps them in a robotic body. So like a cute little rooster becomes a big mean robotic rooster. That didn't really bother me much. It was however, when I destroyed a giant robotic worm and a little bird flew out that I had to proclaim, "Dr.Robotnik is a mother fucker!" He won't even give the bird a god damn robot bird body. He makes him a fucking worm?! Fuck him.)