Tonsils Day 3

Okay day 2 was a joke. I ate macaroni and cheese, huge chocolate milk, mashed potatoes, pudding.... I couldve even took down a bone, a fucking bone man!... I felt so good I was going to make a surprise appearance at my friends one day after surgery and raise some hell. Well today them shits are hurting pretty bad... maybe because I was talking too much yesterday. I think today they might start to scab... Looking back on some of my prior injuries and what not, I've decided to rank them in terms of pain...

1. Third Degree Burn - NOTHING compares to getting burnt. When I was like 5 I tried to walk across hot coals... needless to say its not like television... you actually get burnt.. who would've thunk it?

2. Panic Attack - While not physical, nothing is worse then feeling like you are literally losing your mind. This might be the scariest because everything else can be rationalized... you can always calm yourself down.. with a panic attack its damn near impossible because your mind is CRAZY!

3. Tonsils Day 1 - Projectile vomiting blood all over the room... unable to even swallow water... so exhausted from not eating you feel you might pass out... having a fever and a migraine.. having convulsions... Not too good.

4. Kidney Stones - So I wake up Sunday morning and run to the television (Sunday during the NFL season is a lot like Christmas to me but instead of running to the tree its the television) and I can't wait to watch my Giants. One problem. I feel one of the worst pains in my chest I have ever felt. Am I having a heart attack? "Dad I think I should go to the hospital." DAD: "Don't be stupid, you have a stomach ache." I am basically slithering off the couch when he finally decides to drive me there... and lo and behold it was a kidney stone shiffting around my belly (which was attributed to that demon called Muscle Milk... oh but its oh so good). As far as actually pissing the stone out of my dick, I have no recollection of it, due mainly in part to a combo of wine and painkillers.

5. Dislocated Shoulder - Now a days when it pops up I casually just pop it back in while still holding a conversation. When It first occurred however it hurt like a beyotch.. It kind of felt like someone sticking a knife into my shoulder and twisting it around.

6. Tooth Ache - Just a constant throbbing pain that actually had me punching walls in my house and running around shaking things like the Ultimate Warrior.

7. Wisdom Tooth Removal - What a joke. This is not very painful at all. As soon as I got home from the doctor I was chewing on pieces of iron... why? Because I fucking could!

8. Jon and Kate plus Eight - I watched half a episode the other day... it hurt my soul