Shrimp Sauce

"MO' SHRIMP SAUCE!"

The first story from my journey to Cleveland. The question I always get asked is, "Why the hell did you go to Cleveland?!" Well, my response to you is, "Why not Cleveland?" Don't you know that Cleveland rocks? In actuality..... it doesn't. Even the Rock & Roll hall of fame was pretty lame. Tell me why Avril Lavigne's wifebeater and Lance Basses assless chaps are even in there? And if you dare try to take a picture of anything there, security will treat you like an Arab trying to board a plane with wires sticking out of his shoes. But enough about all that, I want to tell a story bout' some shrimp sauce!

We were real hungry one night, and the 2 day old Papa John's bacon slices weren't looking so appetizing anymore. And that's not even a joke; I remeber waking up, grabing a beer, and then carefully inspecting every slice in that box to see which one had the least mold on it. The living conditions were worse then what the Arabic prisonsers faced in Guantanamo Bay prison. This one night however, we decided it was time to get classy. So we planned to go to the overpriced Benny Hanna's Japanese resturant. We pulled our fanciest, extremly wrinkled clothes out of the suitcases and proceeded to this overpriced resturant. The frequent use of the word overpriced is not due to my lack of a mastery of the verbal arts, I can assure you, but that motherfucker is overpriced!

Ok so for those of you who don't know, Benny Hannas is the resturant where they cook right in front of you and do "tricks". These "tricks" aren't anything spectactular, and I wind up doing these same "tricks" when I'm drunk and trying to make grilled cheese at 4 in the morning. The only difference is I'm not trying to do them. Actually, I take that back, some of the guys are pretty good..it's just that the guy cooking for us sucked. I should've known he wouldnt be good when every other chef was Japanese and he was Spanish. It reminded me of a bad scene in a comedy movie...I could just picture cops chasing him down the alleway outside and he dipped into Benny Hannas to hide out...BUT...he had to get dressed up as a chef and go do the whole routine without having any idea what he was doing. HA HA HA HA! Oh man, what a scene that would be! I found myself watching the tables besides us as the chef stood on one leg while juggling shrimp and tossing them into the hungry customers mouths. Then I looked back at our guy as he told corny jokes and warned us not to touch the grill for the hundreth time. Shit, this story is running pretty long and I haven't even touched on the shrimp sauce or the sassy black woman....I think I'm going to have to post part 2 at a later date.

TO BE CONTINUED....