5.29.09

Look at that monstrosity. Thats the cover art of Brooke Hogan's new cd. Who in their right mind thought that was a good idea. That looks like some tattoo a 50 year old biker gets while he is drunk and high. That looks like it should be spray painted on the side of a van owned by Shaggy and Scooby Doo. Did she get one of those spraypaint huts in the mall to do this?

5.26.09

At this link you can see a list of 10 people rumored to still be "alive" after death...

http://www.relaxinghub.com/2009/04/top-10-people-rumored-to-be-alive-after.html

Ok so lets break it down....

10. 2Pac - Yeah. He is probably still alive on some tropical island somewhere. Its pretty much a joke how many new CD's they "found" in his "basement".

9. Andy Kauffman - Nope he's dead. Watch the movie... Andy died but they kept the Tony Clifton character running.

8. Elvis - Dead. Might as well be alive with all these impersonators tho.

7. Jim Morrison - I dont think he died when they said he died, but probably died now from a drug overdose....died. Wanted to see how many times I could say "died" in a sentence. He seems like the type to fake his own death and go off into the desert or something.... hang out with Indian Chiefs.

6. Hitler - Yeah hes hiding in a spider cave is Osama Bin Laden. He is dead as Princess Diana... Fun Fact: One time in my high school someone mentioned her name and the teacher replied, "You mean Princess... Dead?!"

To see the top five your gonna have to check out the link, it is interesting...... 

Fuck You

Fuck you you dirty king of deuchbaggery.

Fuck you you stink cat dirt bag Arnold Schwazzafaker. 

Fuck You you jerkoff jackoff  dickhead. 

Fuck you you stupid dumb mother fucker aint never know no better.

Fuck you you dirty bastard smellin like shit and dog piss.

Fuck you you cunt rat bastard.

Fuck you you cock boy dick sucking pussy lips.

Fuck you you fucking Nemo.

Fuck you you fucking dog face ho.

Fuck you you fucking cocksucker Ralphie.

Fuck you you piece of shit pig mother fucker.

Fuck you you half a fag.

Fuck you you filthy deuchbag.

Fuck you you fuckin fuck.

10 Sluttiest Girls on Maury Povich

5.22.09

I love this SportsCenter commercial, one of my faves. When he says, "Im not a machine, I'm just Albert." I always laugh out loud.

5.20.09

What Drug is Marbury on?

This is one of my favorite interviews of all time. I'm sitting here watching it for like the 5th time and I still can't decide which drug it is that Stephon is on. The obvious choice is to say he is stoned, but he is not acting like a stoner to me. When someone is blazed they usually are not that energetic and bouncy, and at the end he can't sit still and is yelling and dancing. He also talks a lot about seeing the "light". My guess is he took a hit of E before the interview. This would explain why he's so happy and "loves" everyone, and kissed his sister for the first time, and wants to apologize to Garnett. It would also explain the weird dancing at the end. I'm not certain but I would assume he is high on more then weed.

da duvam ili vucem

5.13.09

Fuck. Well I'm sitting in Panera Bread, my favorite to place for studying, preparing form my 3rd Final of the day... my brain is melting. I'm gonna be so happy when this shit is finally done Im either going to: 

A.) drive right into a brick wall on the way home and have my ears pop off and eyes bulge out like a Crash Test Dummy 

B.) Go home and take a "lethal combination" (I love that term, you see it every time someone OD's) of painkillers, sleeping pills, and liquor

C.) Break a glass bottle over my dick

I'm probably going with C. It's funny cause that multiple choice question is the same one I just had on my African American Studies final. 

This bitch sitting near me keeps coughing... coughing every couple of seconds. She's probably infected every one of us with swine flu. I know what your thinking, "Why you call the lady a bitch?" Its because I am easily influenced by rap music. It reminds me of the one 2Pac song "Wonder Why They Call U Bitch". It starts off with 2Pac saying, "I know you wondering why we call them hoes bitches."

Going back to drugs again... the only drug that still shocks me is heroin. Coccaine runs rampant in Hollywood, pot is not even a drug, and most of America is on some sort of prescription pill, but heroin..... damn thats hardcore. I remember when Owen Wilson OD'd and they said it was heroin. That guy had some issues. 

mother fucker

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

Is it sad that this song is better then 90 percent of the shit on the radio? If this was released it would be a number one hit, no doubt about it.

5.10.09

5.7.09

Best start to a fight ever

5.7.09

I'm watching the NBA Playoffs and this Lakers/Rockets series is getting REAL fun. First off the Lakers shockingly lost Game 1. So Kobe comes out to start Game 2 and he is PISSED. He gets like 15 points in the first quarter and is screaming and cursing after every shot. While this is going on, Lamar Odom is terrorizing this lame white European looking guy. He is getting in his face after every play and pushing him around. I like Odom mainly because he is a fellow resident of Queens. This lame Euro guy is afraid of Odom I guess so he starts beef with the Luke Walton. This results in two technicals and on the very next play, Derek Fisher gives this euro guy a shoulder tackle that knocks him on his ass. Fisher is given a Flagrant 2 and ejected while Jack Nicholson runs onto the court objecting the call... All the while Yao Ming looks around confused... This is NBA Playoffs that I like. I'm telling you, the NBA is peeking. It is getting to mid 90's good again. Kobe and Lebron are 2 of the best I have ever seen. Then throw Wade, Chris Paul, and Howard to the mix and you got one of the deepest talent rosters in a long while. Plus, many of the big market teams are getting good again and we finally have seen the fall of the Spurs and the Pistons (aka the ratings killer). All thats left is for the Knicks to FINALLY get a good team again that can contend. When NY has a good bball team, New York is a BIG basetball town. If Lebron does come here, I have no doubt the Knicks will be the premiere NY team.

UPDATE: It just got better. I knew Ron Artest was too quiet. Artest just got ejected after getting in the face of Kobe. Kobe definetly did elbow him in the throat tho. You better start watching this series.

UPDATE: Now Kobe just got a techincal for yelling at another player, "You can't guard me!" or something after hitting a deep shot.

Keyboard Cat

Greatest thing I have ever seen.... hands down

6.5.09

Who would buy this for their kid? You just know they are going to stick their penis in it. What kind of sick fuck would even make such a "Snuggler"? I love how it says on the box, "Wow! Create a GIGANTIC Friend!" And since when does Superman look like dead bloated Elvis Presley?

Ask Sonic

Yo Sonic,

I dont know what to do B! I love that bling bling and I fucking love them Tony the Tiger corn flakes... but you know we's in the Recession and I cant afford both..... Ya Smell Me?

Bubb Rubb

Ohio

Sonic:

Eminem - 3 A.M

4.28.09

No Comment.

NES Classics - Bible Adventures

NES Classics - Bible Adventures

Oh shit.... a game based on religion so bad it would have turned Jesus H. Christ into an atheist. Did you know the H. in his name stood for Harry? Don't quote me on that because I am lying.

This was actually a gift given to me by my Aunt. Where she purchased this game I have no idea. First off the cartridge is oddly shaped from regular Nintendo games and it also does not contain the Official Nintendo stamp of approval. I think its safe to assume that this was a bootleg with the proceeds going to some Terror Facility in the Middle East.

The game is split into 3 different sub games. My recollection of the Bible is not as good as it once was, so forgive me if I butcher names and what not. The first game you played as Noah, and had to bring 2 of each set of animal onto your arc. Playing this game was probably harder then the actual shit Noah went thru. You pick up a sheep and then a millisecond later it runs out of grip all the way to the beginning of the level. You have to do this about 30 times before you finally get it onto the arc. In order to get the animal to stay on the arc you have to launch it 30 feet into the air into unconsciousness or simply beat it into a coma. I'm not joking either. I played this game for a total of 5 minutes before praying that God would send another flood.

The next game used basically the same engine except instead of throwing sheep and other animals, you were launching baby Jesus around. I'm not too sure what story this game is based on, but its apparently the one where Mary is running from Soldiers and her only option is to launch Baby Jesus over a River. Thinking back maybe it wasn't Baby Jesus but someone else. The other two games are based on Old Testament stories so maybe this one was too.... Maybe this game was made by the *Gasp* by the Jews!!!!!

The final game is the one I spent entirely too much time playing. It was based on the story of David vs. Goliath. You played as David traveling up huge mountains and at the very end you would finally confront the Giant Goliath. It became an obsession of mine to get to Goliath, but the game was so friggin hard. How could the graphical processing power of the Nintendo video game console reproduce a giant? Did they even have enough pixels? I needed to know. I was tempted to find out I almost loaded the game up to my Game Genie and used cheat codes, but then I figured that was probably a moral sin. I could imagine arriving at the gates of Heaven only to have God say, "You used the Game Genie on my video game you mother fucker?!"

Tyson

First off this review might be somewhat biased as I am a huge Tyson fan and find him to be one of the more interesting characters walking the earth. I feel he is a deeply conflicted man who has a basically pure spirit but is corrupted by the people and society around him. He is far from a saint, and is the first to admit it. He has MANY faults but is man enough to admit them and attempt to change.

This film is not your typical documentary. It is more of a bibliography as it is told entirely in the words of Mike Tyson. There is no other narrator or anyone asking the questions. Its Tyson's story of his life in his own words. Now you might think a problem might arise from this but it doesn't. Tyson is not biased and tells it like it is... he is brutally honest. He tells both sides of the story and there is really not even the need for additional interviews from his opponents or what not.

You also might think that a story told entirely by Tyson might not be all that interesting... you might assume he's not exactly the best narrator. This is wrong too. Tyson is actually pretty intelligent and speaks using very colorful language. He's great in one liners and there are many sayings he delivers that you will find yourself repeating. He also uses quite a large arsenal of vocabulary. (Although he does sometimes mispronounce some of the larger words but that adds to the charm)

This is one of the better documentaries I have seen and is so gripping that anyone, fan of boxing, Tyson, or not will enjoy immensely. My one complaint is the length of the film.... it clocks in too short for my liking at an hour and 30 minutes. There is some additional amazing footage that I have seen of Tyson that I felt should have been included. Some of the stories I also which would have been expanded on. I honestly could have continued watching this film for another 2 hours, and I hope a DVD version is released packed with additional footage.