Johnny Appleseed.

YEEEEEEEEES! It feels just like Christmas morning, or when the clock strikes 12 on New Years. This is a MAJOR MAJOR holiday, and yes I'm aware that the Jews refuse to celebrate it. But before I tell you my plans, we must look at the history, and Johnny Appleseed....

Yup, thats him. One of the most feared men in history. He was a very tall, slim, agile man; who suffered from schizophrenia. He was also the uncaught "Jack the Ripper", but those were in his later years , and I'm not covering that. It all started when God made Adam and Johnny in the Garden of Eden. God became so repulsed by watching the act of gay sex, that he then made Eve. Adam and Eve became a couple, and the flamboyantly gay Johnny became very jealous. He then convinced Eve to eat one of Gods forbidden apples. When God found out, he condemmed Johnny to eternal life, doing nothing but planting apple trees about the world. Lets fast foward to April 22, 1846...The date which Earth Day was conceived. Johnny Apleseed was eating the eyes of some Native American children (BTW: He only eats childrens eyes) when some colonials came across him and unloaded all the ammo they had on him. He vanished without a trace, and the celebration of "Earth Day" was born. However, some people to this day still have sightings of Johnny Appleseed.

And thats that. So what am I doing for Earth Day? Well I'm going to take my two little children to the park....Ok, they are not actually my children by birth.....Ok, they might just be two kids I kidnapped, but we will have a fun Earth Day regardless.