The Bible is Nuts!

King Salomon, You so Crazy!

There is some nutty shit in the Bible, and having gone to Catholic elementary school, I know them all. Some of the stories are just downright scary and weird, especially if you look in the Old Testament. The New Testament is for pussies, which that hippie Jesus running around talking about peace. The Old Testament has God turning mother fuckers to stone just for looking at him! The Old Testament is gangster! But no one story was odder then the story of King Salomon. I remember this story being burned into my mind, and I couldn't stop thinking about how fucked up it was even when I was a kid.

The Bible is trying to get over the point that King Salomon was mad smart and could solve any problem. So anyway, two women come in with a baby arguing that they both are the mother. King Salomon doesn't get nervous because he is a smooth mother fucker. He knows how to solve this. He takes the baby and then says, "I'm going to cut this baby in half and give each of you one part." The one women is outraged and the other is happy and wants her half. WHAT THE FUCK?! Who the fuck wants half of a dead chopped up baby?! What kind of crazy shit is this?! Solomon is sick for even coming up with this plan. He then gives the baby to the outraged women cause he "knows" she is the true mother.

Now I know what your saying, "It's not suppose to be taken literally." Fuck that. They couldn't think of anything better then chopping a baby in half?! This shit doesn't even make no fucking sense! This is the most followed stuff in the world? It is not even well written!