WHASSUP?!
yO Yo yO! Whats up dudes and dudettes?! Just thought I'd tell you Millhouses about my day. I went to the horsetrack for the first time to bet on some stallions. I walked in there not knowing my ass from my elbow, and it showed as experienced degenerate gamblers looked me up and down and undressed me with their eyes. I sat down at a table under a steel umbrella and, i swear this is true, felt something huge plop down onto my shoulder. I looked over and saw the hugest pile of bird shit. I then looked up in the air for the culprit and their wasn't a bird anywhere. How in the blue hell?! I was under a fucking umbrella made of STEEL! I knew this was a sign of good luck and refused to wipe the shit off. The first race had a horse named "Kriss Angel". The Mind Freak! I now some of you might not believe in magic, but it's real and this guy does it. How could I not bet on a fucking horse named after a "Mind Freak". Sure, its odds weren't the greatest but guess what....First place! It was not even a surprise to me...I don't know how anyone could bet against that horse....its called Magic people! Next up was the big win...I used my intricate method of analyzing the names. I saw one named "Seventeen Love" and knew that was it. Why that horse you ask? I rather not say due to something called statutory rape. Anyway..it was a 12-1 underdog, I bet 7 dollars and guess what...First Place! This stallion bagged me $45. All in all, I highly recommend going to the track with a few friends and having a few beers. Bring your own beers tho, its like baseball prices there. They also got Nathans, Sbarro, and Carvel in there if you get hungry. Its a good place to go for a Lazy Sunday Afternoon...I mean where else are you gonna go? Church?
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