Bee Movie

No one can deny that "Seinfeld" is one of the greatest, if not the greatest show ever. When the show ended Jerry Seinfeld went into hiding. Doing hardly no television or movie work. What was he doing? Working on a script for a film he always wanted to make. That film you ask? "Bee Movie". Holy shit... does this movie suck. It sucks so bad it almost worth seeing. Had Jerry Seinfeld not been Jerry Seinfeld from the show "Seinfeld", every Hollywood executive would have wiped their ass with this script.

Whats the story? A bee sees humans taking honey from them.... so he decides to sue the human race, and uses his human "girlfriend" to help him. Did I mention he can talk english and no human seems to be weirded out by this.  He goes to court and talks to the humans, defending himself.... when hes not at court, he hangs out at this human womans house. Her human boyfriend begins to become very jealous of him and their is this whole beastality thing.... is human/insect sex beastality?

The movies tone is very angry and bitter. It really feels like Jerry Seinfeld is really pissed about our treatment to bees. Like this is a major issue that needs to be addressed. We are overworking bees for money. The bee also has beef with Ray Liotta and Sting. Sting for using a nickname associated with bees and Ray Liotta for umm... being a bad actor? So long story short the bees win the case, stop making honey, get bored and realize they like working. Fuck this movie... avoid at all costs.

9.28.08

Well surprise surprise. Guess who blew it and will not be playing in the playoffs this October. Did you guess the Mets? Yes the shame that is New York sports continues... except for the Giants. I am a Giants, Knicks, and Mets fan. All the Knicks and the Mets do is let you down. They build up your hopes and then smash them.

I actually almost teared up watching Keith Hernandez looking on in disbelief after the game and fighting back tears. Knowing that this was the last game at Shea Stadium made it that much harder. Shea Stadium has been a part of my life since the day I was first born. Shit, I drive by it just about every damn day. Its pretty damn sad... this whole situation sucks.

RIP Paul Newman

Paul Newman had died today. Paul Newman was a old school style of cool... a Sinatra style cool that is becoming a lost art form. Someone who is a real gentleman and just oozes style, and maintains their image well. Leonardo Dicaprio kind of has that going on now. Paul Newman also made some bad ass lemonade. RIP.

9.22.08

Just got back from Bear Mountain. Went on a 6-7 hour hike up about 3 mountains and camped out in the wild. The true spirit of man comes from new experiences. People get too far out of touch with nature now a days… everyone needs a spiritual journey where they leave the computers, cell phones, and what not at home. It is honestly like a cleansing for the body, soul, and mind.

Just got my first pair of Supra sneakers… I am pretty sure I will never go back to Nike again. This company is young and hungry. Supra reminds me of Apple and Nike is Microsoft. Nike is old and established, it sticks with the same formula and you know what to expect with a pair. Supra is experimental and the shoes just look so fresh and crisp. The materials appear to be of top quality and everything is well crafted. They are not the empire of the world, so they actually care about the consumer. Plus everyone and their mother rocks Nike now a days, even the somewhat exclusive ones. You know that feeling when you find something new and hot, and you rock it with pride, and people ask like, “what is that, its hot?” So you rock it for a while and then you see more and more people rocking it. Finally one day you see the herbiest lameitory douchebag wearing it or something similar to it, and then you know its time to put it to bed. That’s what’s happening to Nike and Nike SB’s. Time to put it to bed…. I see too many lames wearing them lately…. Besides they just seem a tad too childish. Supras are grown and sexy, and the Supra NS line can be worn out to clubs and is fly as shit. Those kicks look like they time warped from the future.

The Porn Industry

I was recently asked by a porn website called The Naughty Nation to go and film the porn convention in New Jersey. Why not? I have no desire to direct porn.... never did. I don't really see the glamorous side of this industry. I'm not a big porn fan personally... I did not know one person there besides for Ron Jeremy, and could care less about how long of  a dick these ho's could fit in their mouth.

I loved watching these losers, running about getting pictures and autographs. Who cares about an autograph from a porn star? What are you going to look at it while jerking off? Lets break it down.... Here are a few things that I observed, and some tips for the porn convention.

- Most porn stars have terrible skin. Their faces are acne ridden and filled with pot holes. To hide this fact they wear an EXCESSIVE amount of make up. If I had to guess... porn stars weren't the popular ones in high school and probably didn't party much or see much sex. Then they got to college.... dyed their hair... wore a lot of make-up and started getting fucked for a living. That seems like the majority of them. Some of them are just obscenely hot however and would look out of place doing anything but porn... then their are those who are just sex addicts and freaks. They really know how to work a crowd.

- Ron Jeremy is the Jesus of porn stars. When he walked in, he immediatly drew an immense crowd. Me any my friend snuck our way to the front of the line and actually got a really great plug from him. He's a real cool guy and really knows how to work a room.

- They have dick shaped everything. I thought it was hilarious watching girls sucking penis shaped lollipops. Some where just downright bizaare.... like a teddy bear that for some reason had a giant huge vibrating penis that was constantly thrusting.

- There is a shop called "Schlongs and Bongs".

- If you have a VIP pass you can go to the VIP room... what is in there you ask? A foosball table, a air hockey table and about 6 stripper poles with women who obviously are on the extacy.

- Don't eat hot dogs at the convention. They were god awful and literally made my asshole die. Get the pizza. It might look like the ugliest, most unappetizing thing on the earth, but it is actually quite good.

- Jesse Jane sucks. Not only dicks I mean. Apparently she's one of the bigger porn stars at this time. First off she is an anorexic blonde with silicone hanging off her chest an absolutely NO breasts. She was on stage screeching sounding like the ghost of Anna Nicole Smith. Her voice is honestly one of the worst and most annoying I have ever heard. Honestly.

- Weird looking foreigners really want to watch you fuck their surgically enhanced wife.

- Oh man... "Strip For Pain" is more gruesome then the "Passion of the Christ". Two girls with a lot of tatts, pick a man to punish. The guy is usually fat, bald, and has plenty of backne. It is game... The more punishment they take, the more the girls strip. First up was the whipping. I figured it would just be very tame with light love taps.... WRONG! They were whipped until HUGE bloody welts appeared. That wasn't the end tho. Next up they had to get punched in the face by these chicks as hard as possible, and they didn't even take their rings off. ow.

9.10.08

Some people consider this to be the scariest scene in the history of motion pictures. Its pretty good if I do say so myself. Classic storytelling... nice build up, good pay off. From the Lynch masterpiece Mulholland Drive.

And speaking of Lynch, heres another freaky scene from "Lost Highway". These movies are pretty bizaare, fun to watch alone with no lights on.

MTV VMA's

I caught a little bit of the MTV Music Video Awards. My God.... I remember these shits weren't half bad... MTV always had the best production values this side of the NFL and WWE. As shitty as the performances were going to be, I knew the whole show was going to be over the top and flashy and flamboyant. Their would be larger then life superstars, barely dressed hot starlets, out of control rappers, and rock stars climbing on top of large things. The VMA's are so god dammed neutered it makes me sick. The music industry has absolutely NO unpredictability. Charisma seems to be becoming a lost art form, and even the rappers of today aren't gangsta or controversial. The VMA's used to feel like a place where everyone wanted to be. Does anyone else remember when it was in New York and Chris Rock hosted? That shit was huge. Now a days, it feels like Diddy rather be in Brooklyn eating cheesecake then anywhere near the VMA's. (He wasn't there this year from what I've seen.) The biggest attraction at this show was Britney Spears. Britney fucking Spears. And MTV acted like she was still a huge star and didn't lose her fucking mind and shave her head a couple of months ago. She won like every award.... she should've won the award for "Ugliest Vagina".

Chris Brown and Rhianna are fucking boring. Rhianna is weird looking, with her alien forehead and dyke haircut. Christian Aguilera and Kid Rock weren't bad. MTV and Disney are now basically one with Hannah Montanna running about everywhere and the asshole brothers or whatever the fuck they are called. I have also come to realize I'm not too big a fan of Lil Wayne anymore. He is really starting to get on my nerves, and he is one of the WORST live performers I have ever seen. He runs around the stage looking like a cracked out Gremlin someone fed after midnight. Kanye had an "interesting" performa

nce, debuting a new song that contains no rap what so ever. Its very minnimalistic. I'm a big Kanye fan but this one might have to grow on me a bit.

The host was some douchebag from Britian who does not des

erve to have his name mentioned. He looked like a reject from Spinal Tap and was WAY to excited to see the Asshole Brothers pretend to play instruments. I really feel the VMA's basically made Chris Rocks career, and this shit basically killed this guys career. There is no way someone could watch this guy and not utter the term "motherfucker". I also loved how he had to pretend Britney was still so hot. Did you see the pics of her pussy? That shit was literally bleeding old nacho cheese. Wait... What?

MTV used to be hip and a voice for the youth. It used to be somewhat "edgy", and viewed as cool. No one on this planet would consider MTV cool anymore. Now is the perfect time for a new music channel to emerge that is the anti-MTV. It has to bring back that wildness and embrace less mainstream artists and pay a bigger respect to those artist that paved the way......and I'm not talking about Britney fucking Spears.

Speaking of Miley Cyrus this was apparently a big web hoax. I find it to be funny as hell.... and this girl could really use braces....

9.2.08

I see a bunch of auditions when casting for my films.... this is however, the best I have EVER seen. The story is this guy sent in this audition to Stanley Kubrick..... how he was never cast is beyond me. He is obviously insane... probably homeless, schizophrenic, and gay. He delivers a monologue from "The Outsiders" but appears more like he is impersonating someone with torrets. Stay gold Ponyboy.