RAndom Ramblins

Look at the picture... Fucking look at it! Look at it you fucking whore! Oh so now your crying again... WAH WAH WAH! Fucking cry bitch! Cry Bitch! Oh your daddy's going to do what? Fuck him too... I will literally cripple him... make him spend the rest of his life asking which restaurants have a ramp. 

Oh hey... its you guys. Look at that cool picture I posted up above. That is real. Someone really painted that on the street and probably caused thousands of accidents. If I was driving down the road high or drunk (not that I drink and drive anymore) I would most certainly think some earthquake shit was happening as swerve off into the nearest telephone pole or child. How long did that shit take and why does it not get more recognition. That shit is nearly as good as the sixteenth chapel, but I guess just because Michelangelo was a ninja turtle his work got all the fame. BULLSHIT!

I saw this Tracy Morgan quote from 30 Rock... "Diabetes are the white mans myth... like Larry Bird and Colorado."  That should be a quote of the week.

Theres an article in the newest GQ on Zach Galifnakis that actually had me laughing out loud like 6 times. He is a comedic genius like few on this planet and in between all the bullshit mens fashion are some amazingly written articles in GQ.

Worst mistake of my life... I saw an ad on the internet that said I won a free iPhone and for some reason this ad seemed different from the rest. I really thought I actually got lucky and won the damn thing. So I filled out this shit and gave them my e-mail address and house number... Was I smoking fucking crack?! What followed were thousands of spam mail and hundreds of phone calls. It took about a month and years of therapy to go away. Sometimes the phone would ring and I would answer and it would be nothing but animal noises... LOUD animal noises. I dont know what they were selling... but I bought it.

Corbett

Just ordered a Jim Corbett book. Fascinating guy.... He would hunt wild man eating leopards in India and killed one that killed like over 30 people. Im going to start reading all his works and doing the research on him and develop a screenplay based on him. I wanna make a dramadey based on a man eating leopard hunter. For some reason I keep envisioning the final film looking like a Wes Andersen film mixed with that beer commercial of the bad ass old guy thats all suave. Another pain in the ass is I feel this story should be set in the 1940s or 50s. I didnt learn my lesson after writing a script set in 77 and getting stuck doing all language and culture research.

Ron Artest - Afghan Women

What in the bluest of blue hells is this? Has Ron Artest lost his god damn mind? The video starts at 1 minute.

Great Quotes

"Chump nigga, I'll stomp a mudhole in your face....Motherfucker! Rip your butthole out of place!"

- DMX

10.29.09

-Whenever I'm having a bad day I just look down at that picture titled, "The Milf Speaks!"

- Steve Irwin and Billy Mays are the 2Pacs of television. Why are they still on TV? Who doesn't get creeped out when they hear "Billy Mays here!" Does anyone even pay attention to the product and not stare in awe at the ghost in front of them. Steve Irwin is still on television too with re-runs of the "Crocodile Hunter".

- Is it sad people were proud of themselves for "graduating" drunk driving school?

- Five Guys burgers is good no doubt... but no where near worth the price. That shit is expensive! Two little cheeseburgers and french fries came out to 15 bucks... Granted it was a decent amount of food but 15 friggin dollars?!

The Milf Speaks!

Check out these funny TV News headlines

Random Ramblins

-This might be the most bizarre thing I have ever seen on the Internet... and that is saying something... Here is the link: http://www.thisman.org/history.htm

...So apparently Dr.Katz comes into a lot of peoples dreams and offers advice. I have never dreamt of this fucking guy... I rather dream about Freddy fucking Kreuger then this creepy son of a bitch.

- I remember when I played on a bowling team when I was a pre-teen called "The Bowlar Bears". One week I came into the alley and found out we were playing the "Blind" team. How in the hell?! How the hell are blind people going to friggin bowl? This is going to be hazardous, are they going to be throwing balls all over the damn alley, sliding down the lane while holding the ball like Goofy in a cartoon? To my disappointment "blind" team simply meant a team that wasn't there... point of this is this.... Wait... what the fuck is the point of this? Oh yeah I remember.... The Jets are playing the Buffalo Bills this Sunday and I'm going to the game. The Jets have a better chance of losing to the West Virginia Cripples.

- Captain Lou Albano just died. He was one of wrestlings greatest managers, father of Cyndi Lauper, and Super F'N Mario. That is quite a resume. I'm not sure what he was a "Captain" of, but I can assure you it wasn't something lame like "Crunch".

- I just saw "Unforgiven" for the first time and It blew me away. Clint Eastwood was pretty bad ass before he turned into a skeleton who coached that horsefaced lesbian. Speaking of horsefaces I rather pour acid on my dick then screw Sarah Jessica Parker.

- Two new movies I'm dying to see right now... "Where the Wild Things Are" and "Black Dynamite".

- Get your DVR's ready. Tomorrow on Oprah its a very special LIVE episode and it will feature Mike Tyson and Holyfield meeting face to face for the first time since the infamous bear biting incident.

KNOWLEDGE

Sitting in a class they should call Boring 101....Ha Ha! Got em! Bout to hand in a mid term paper I wrote while under the influence of drugs. It reads like it was written by the schizophrenic homeless guy in the subway. It has nothing to do with the subject assigned is a profanity laced rant about government conspiracies and Harry Potter. I feel kind of bad to hand this written insanity to the professor, who is a sweet 90 year old lady. I can picture her head exploding like in "Scanners" midway thru reading it. Fuck... I haven't even dared to read it myself. All I remeber is writing it in a frenzied hypnotic state where my eyes were actually just two "X"s. The best part is the paper is simply titled, "KNOWLEDGE".

HBO sucks

What the hell is going on with HBO? Has it officially become the "Hipster Broadcasting Office". Has anyone seen the uber pretentious "Bored To Death" with the extremely unlikable Jason Schwartzman? Well it only gets worse from there... They are working on a new comedy series being written and starring mini Jeanine Gerraffolo from the "movie" Juno. Here is the description of it...

The latest comedy series announced by HBO is "Stitch N' Bitch", a show about two New York hipsters who travel out to Los Angeles to "be artists".

Ohhh... sounds fucking great. Who want to watch New York hipsters on T.V?. I'm from New York and I don't want to watch those assholes.

Speaking of things that don't suck... I just watched a great film from the 70's called "The Last Detail" starring Nicholson. It makes me sick to see how much better art was in this society in the 70's. A film like this would NEVER been greenlit by the studios today. It doesn't have much in the form of twists and turns or a big climatic ending, but it has much more of a emotional impact then 90 percent of films out there today.

Inebriated

My new favorite word is inebriated.  How much cooler is it to say, "Man... I was inebriated!" as opposed to "Man.. I was drunk!" or "Man... I was fucked up!" By using the word inebriated you are letting people know that you like to party, but that you are also a intellectual. 

Heres hoping that the Yankees get swept by the hottest team in baseball... the Twins.

Random Ramblins

-How come you can ask someone what nationality they are and they will respond, "Jewish". I don't respond "Buddhist" when asked that question. 

-What the hell is the difference between being a Catholic and a Christian?

-When a girl asks for help banging a vending machine because her "Cooler Ranch Doritos" got stuck.. and I.. umm I mean someone shoulder thrusts that thing like I'm trying out for the Ravens O-Line... shouldn't that person at least be offered half the chips or the extra Hershey's bar that fell?

- How good are Gushers? On Halloween I fill the insides with the blood of an HIV positive person and give it to the kids. I'm kidding..... I use needles in the apples of course.

- I bet you about 40 percent of people in this country think you can get AIDS from the bite of a mosquito... as long as that mosquito previously just bit someone with AIDS.

- Today I honestly saw 5 different spiders in the house. Its like arachnophobia in this mother fucker. I of course don't kill them, because it is bad luck and they destroy the "bad" insects. As long as they don't crawl in my ear to live and nest or bite my cheek and then a thousand babies come burst out... we can share this house, and be inter-species roommates.

- If you want to read my best work on this site go to the sidebar and click on the tab that says "STORY". That is were you can experience my true genius... not this 3 in the morning ramblin BULLSHIT!

- I hate people who type in all caps. They have never questioned it and never once bothered to see what the caps lock button does. When I'm reading a convo and I see caps I automatically assume the person is yelling at the top of their lungs. It's just like when you see, "lol", you visualize the person laughing. Most of the time when I type "lol" Im dressed in womens clothing, pumps, clown face paint, and crying uncontrollable. 

- Everyone is so excited for the day to come when we can talk to each other and actually see each other... video confrence a la Jetsons. Why do you want this? You really need to see my unshaven ass laying on the couch in boxers fiddling with my balls. Is this what you really want? Am I going to have to start getting dressed and doing my hair to talk to someone on the fucking phone?! Think about this.. you really don't want this technology.

- If I hear someone say the word "tweet" again I am going to knock out their fucking teeth and force them to perform fellatio on my erect penis.

- Far too often I think my cell phone is broken because I am not hearing a dial tone... this is not even a joke.

- Go to just about anyones facebook page and look at their albums. Look at how much free advertising alcohol companies are getting in damn near every picture. Those marketing wizards have us so warped into believing that a beer in hand equals fun. Its funny you dont see pics of people doing lines or popping pills or with a needle hanging out of their arm.

- How come cigarettes are treated as a much bigger threat to society then alcohol. When was the last time a cigarette has caused someone to have a violent outburst and when was the last time a cigarette has killed an innocent person. (and dont give me that secondhand smoke bullshit)

- I love when you have former gang members talking to kids  trying to prevent them from joining gangs. As soon as they start talking about all the crazy shit they used to do their eyes come alive. It reminded me of this guy that was in one of my cells one time; "I havent smoked crack in 3 years, but if I had it right now... I would smoke it. But don't do that shit it fucks you up."

- A dude in his 20's walked into class yesterday wearing a Chris Brown hoodie. Why? Why would you buy that in the first place. Then why would you wear it after the whole Rhianna mess? Or maybe this guy is a real jokester and bought it after the fact and showing his support of domestic abuse.

WHAT THE SHIT?! LOL

Quote of the Week

"Not EVEN Freddy Kreuger comes into MY Nightmares!"

 - Roddy Piper 

Treadmills = Danger

My new favorite thing mite be watching people fall on treadmills. Who thought they were so dangerous? And who really runs at the top speed? Why is the top speed so damn fast? Can you imagine someone at the gym running on the treadmill at top speed besides myself?

Treadmill Gangsta Video

When the title of a video is called "Treadmill Gangsta Video" how can it not be good. I dont care if this is staged or not, to see the guys legs go scrambling like Fred Flintstone running away from a T-Rex is hilarious.

Atheists

Atheists piss me off. The only reason people are Atheist is because they feel it makes them seem more intelligent and rebellious. Its kind of like smoking and not inhaling. What is the point of being Atheist? Wouldn't you want to go to heaven, the after-life, get re-incarnated or whatever? Why are you so stuck on nothing. An atheist is someone who never gets their drivers license because they know they will just get in a fatal car accident. An atheist is afraid. I don't give a damn what you believe in, just believe in something. I don't feel any one religion is truly correct but I bet there is a higher being. You can believe in evolution and believe in a higher being.