Sunday, November 29, 2009

J-E-T-S!

Jets QB Mark Sanchez




Welcome to the Thunderdome! Just got back from the Jets game a.k.a land of the ugly and bizarre. I haven't seen a group of misfits like this since my last Mets game. I see now why most Met fans are also Jet fans. Lets get to some of the fun stuff...

There were two guys sitting in front of us that I swear had to have been homeless. They were also the greatest comedic pair since Laurel and Hardy and reminded me a lot of the two main characters from "Of Mice and Men". One would ask dumb questions and had a childlike innocence while the other would grow increasingly angry and curse him. At first I could not stand the sight of them... they wore rags, looked like they had not showered in weeks, had rotten black teeth, and ate stinky tuna fish sandwiches getting tuna all over the clothes and faces. I was literally disgusted by them. The dumber one would ask increasingly dumb questions and statements about the game while holding a transistor radio from the 80's to his ear.

"Thats a 50 field Field Goal right there!"

"The home team wears white?" (Midway thru the game)

"I think Mark Sanchez broke his kneecap... but he will be alright."

"Is this what it looks like on your T.V.?"

At one point he got very excite and rose to his feet and turned around to us. It was at this time he lead the worst chant in the history of sport.

"J-E-T-S!"

He yelled and just as the crowd was about to respond with a big "Jets!" Which is the norm... he yelled.

"What does that spell?!"

And the crowd went dead silent. I said to my friends this was not a chant but rather a serious question. The worst part of this all is while he yelled massive amounts of tuna came flying out of his mouth and onto my being. While he was standing his friend was yelling "Sit down you jackass!" As soon as he sat down the Jets fumbled the ball. His friend responded...

"You jinxey mother fucker! You jinxed them!"

Observing them further I began to respect their friendship and the wide eyed innocence of the dumber one. His friend revealed it was his first game and you could tell he was as excited as someone could be. I also started to get the feeling he might have been mildly retarded. Overall they were cool guys and I'm glad they got to see a win.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Giving Thanks





We all know Thanksgiving is the holiday of rape. The rape of the Native Americans of their land, women, and food. But its also about giving thanks. It is a time to reflect on what we are thankful for. What am I thankful for?

I'm thankful for uniqueness and bizarreness. I love the fact I know real life characters whose antics could not be written by the greatest novelist. Whose actions defy and logic or sensibility. I'm thankful for torrent websites. Website that have allowed me to have 6,000 songs on my laptop. I'm thankful for DVR and Netflix. I'm thankful for the 5-5-5 Deal at Dominoes. I'm thankful for Peyton Manning commercials. I'm thankful for that image I found up above... that was in the Google Image Search when I typed in "Thanksgiving Rape". I'm thankful for still having never seen the new Indian Jones. I'm thankful for the people who are still alive that should have been long dead due to their reckless lifestyles. I'm thankful for things that ruin sobriety and expand the mind. I'm not thankful for sobriety or the New York Mets. I'm thankful for side boob. I'm thankful for the music Jacko left us. I'm thankful that I will be able to say I witnessed the end of the world in 2012.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Dock Ellis best thing ever

This is a true story and real audio of Dock Ellis from a radio show. This is one of the most brilliant, creative, and genius things I have ever seen on the internet. The talent that went into this is incredible.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Tiny



A picture of my new dog.... we call him "Tiny". See its a little something called irony and everyone knows irony equals hilarity. When you hear Tiny you think this little dog is going to pop out but then its actually huge! HA HA HA HA HA HA! FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!

Filthy Barney

Monday, November 16, 2009

FAIL's






Dwyane Wade

This is who I want to come to the knicks... screw Lebron

Saturday, November 14, 2009

NOW DIE!



I saw this today and couldn't believe it. " Welcome to NY... NOW DIE!" We gonna send them terrorist fiends right to hell....HELL I tell you! I can picture the trial as the judge orders out the sentence... "You have been sentenced to death and then your going to hell....NOW DIE!"

Friday, November 13, 2009

Resident Evil

http://tr.im/retdc

Check out that link... its a trailer for some new Resident Evil game. Its nothing special at first but then things start happening that made me question my sanity. I haven't seen anything like this done on a computer before. I honestly felt like I was hallucinating.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Chimps Galore!


"Our TMZ reporters snapped this shot of Ving Rhames as he was leaving a gym in LA. You can tell he is obviously tired from his long strenuous work-out. No Racist." - TMZ.com

AWWW WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!?!







Well hello there sexy. This is a picture of a girl I hooked up with at the bar when I was trashed last night. I just checked her facebook and found out she wasn't as hot as I originally thought.

Just kidding... that is the victim of the Manzee! That chimpanzee ripped off her jaw, her nose, and her eyes.... he basically made that bitch his own personable Mrs. Potato Head. That damned dirty ape! Ah, Damn You! God Damn You all to hell! She spoke for the first time today on Oprah and was hidden under a veil... When Oprah finally unlifted the veil she uttered "fuck me!" and censors completely understood. Since I basically book my trip to hell with this post I might as well go for it all. This bitch looks like she went on Extreme Makeover and asked to be made to look like the Muppet Janice...




Hey ya! That muppet also looks a lot like Daisy from that Bret Michaels show. Come to think of it,I know a lot of whores who like that muppet and I bet you do to....


AHHHHHHHHHHHH!


Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Staple Gun






Had a crazy dream... I got into a fight with some thug and somehow a staple gun got involved. He got some shots in on me but it ended when I stapled his face 6 times. I then went to the hospital to get staples removed from my arm while having an akward conversation with the doctor. This dream got me to thinking... Why havent ive seen this in a horror film yet? What is worse then picking fucking staples out of your face. I remember this wrestler New Jack who would staple dollar bills to opponents foreheads... He was awesome.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Centaur


Walken on the moon


This is a painting of Walken building Optimus Prime. Its no A-Rod Centaur but its pretty good.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

GREATEST THING EVER!!!!!!1!!1!!!!!!



Ok this is from the New York Post and is the single greatest thing I will ever post on this blog. I swear to God this is too good and random to be made up. This is how you can tell if something is the truth... if it is so outrageous that no rational mind could possibly conceive it, then it most likely is not fiction. The truth is often a lot stranger then fiction. So without further ado... drum roll please...



A-Rod -- half man, half horse's behind. The Yankees slugger is reportedly such an egomaniac that he placed paintings of himself depicted as a centaur -- a mythical creature who is half-man, half-horse -- over his bed, an ex-girlfriend said. "He was so vain," the unidentified A-Rod lover told Us Weekly. "He had not one but two painted portraits of himself as a centaur."

New York Post



My god... read it again. Let it sulk in for a second. A-Fraud has a painting above his bed of himself as a FUCKING CENTAUR! That is lunacy. Can you imagine being a painter and A-Roid comes to you and says, "I want a portrait brother.... up here all man... bottom half.... horse. Fucking horse man." And then when you can't think this story can get any better there's that last little line.... He has TWO fucking centaur paintings. He enjoyed the first one so much he felt he should have another. My god I cant fathom the awesomeness of this... my head is about to explode.