Teach Tony Danza

My new favorite show. I want to Mister D.

Holy Shit

Holy to the Shit! That is awesome! It's sort of like Ron Artest jumping into the Detroit crowd but much more gangsta. How many of those spectators had to go home and change their drawers after they saw that bull doing the Lambeau Leap?

F.M.L

Here is proof that this world is F'ed. This is a snippet from a news story:

Laura Grzyb, 21, came from Tennessee with Katharina Kraus, 16, an exchange student from Germany who spent her first night in the United States driving up to the Jersey Shore for a look at her favorite US export.

"They wanted to know what I wanted to see, and I said, 'Could I go [to the Jersey Shore]?' " Kraus said. "They all seem so nice. In Germany, this is an important show. All the Germans like them."

Fuck me. This is what we are exporting to Germany? In Germany "Jersey Shore" is an important show?! What the hell is not important? As an American this truly embarrasses me. And we wonder why the rest of the world hates us. Picture some African kid with flies all over his face, not having ate in a week, turning on the television and seeing these tanned D-Bags throwing Patron on surgery-enhanced whores. I want to know what Italy thinks about this show.

Again I am not using a photo of the show and giving it free press. Instead I will post a picture of an accurate raptor. Yes; They had feathers. Yes; They can open doors via handle.

Splice

Theres a new movie coming out called "Vampires Suck" and I literally rather eat my own dick then watch it. It's one of these genre parody movies, like "Epic Movie" and '"Date Movie"... who the FUCK is going out to see these movies and will you please stop.

I was going to post a picture of the movie poster but I refuse to give it any press. Instead you get the image given to kids who didn't show up for the highschool photo.

I saw the movie "Splice" and it probably has scarred me for life. SPOILER ALERT: The female monster thing gets fucked by Adrien Brody and his girlfriend walks in on him... he's all like, "Wait I can explain why I'm fucking this monster that we genetically made." He is cheating on you with a goddamn monster, there is no other way to put it. It is a monster with tits. Then... And I am not making this up... the female monster changes sex to a male and then rapes the female lead. Wait What? And before he does it he mutters something like, "I want to be insiiiide you!" I wish I was making that up. So overall its highly recommended.

Crazy Eyes

Anyone else ever see this image on the internet? I can't even look at it because it like physically fucking hurts my brain. Thats not even a joke. As I stare at it I can feel brain cells literally being destroyed. What am I looking at here? Kill it with fire.

Random Thought of the day...

Who's bright idea was it to change the "Washington Bullets" NBA team to the friggin' "Washington Wizards". Really? A fucking wizard. A bunch of black guys running around calling themselves wizards.

Piss Me Off

Selling used Video Games. This is something that really bothers me. I LOVE buying pre-owned video games. I would buy anything pre-owned if I could. Sell me some pre-owned condoms. Anyway, when you go to sell a game you paid 60 bucks for, the amount they offer you is an absolute joke. I remember being offered 2 bucks for one of my Maddens. I felt like spitting in that geeks face. I was insultated but at the same time I was jones-ing for the cash. I felt like a drug addict about to go run out and buy crack with it. But then again, when am I really ever going to play Madden 2008 in the year 2010? Do I look like a god damn cave-man?!

Power

If you scroll all the way down to the very bottom of this blog you will see a video called "Civilization" by Marco Brambilla. I saw it and thought it was so amazing that I made it a permanent fixture on this blog. Well apparently I wasn't the only one. Kanye West's new video is done by the same guy and is pretty amazing. Its for his half decent new single called "Power". Check it out.

Ramblins

It is Mother FUCKING Shark Week Beatrices! Christmas come early c-words... and by c-word I mean "cat enthusiasts". I love how some words are so powerful they become THE word for that letter. Like the f-word.

Obama was on The View.. Wait, What? He claimed to not know who Snooki is. I do not buy it for one second.... or maybe the "Jersey Shore" is a white people thing. Maybe black people dont get it... kind like how white people feel about Tyler Perry.

Speaking of Jersey Shore... the new season SUCKS. The show is no longer a parody as they are self-aware. Its obvious some of the situations are contrived (more so then last season) and that they are being fed lines now. I think 90% of the "Confessionals" stuff is scripted. The Situation and Pauly D need their own travel show, or like a Flavor of Love type thing... "The Flavor of Disease".

Am I going to hell for finding "Intervention" to be one of the funniest shows on television. Allow me to quote Biggie Smalls, "When I die fuck it I want to go to hell, cause I'm a piece of shit it ain't hard to fucking tell." That should have been my yearbook quote. Its kind of weird being stoned while watching "Intervention".

You know whats funny to me... people who are fans of Kelly Clarkson... Fuck me if Z100 does not blow dicks. (or local pop station for non NY'ers) How can those 40 year old DJ's feign interest in Jersey Shore, crazy bands, and the newest Justin Bieber song. FUCK ME! I would lose my soul doing that job. I honestly feel bad for those guys. The one guy calls himself Frat Boy or some shit and he is like 40. I'm not suggesting to do this.. but if someone happened to off one of them it might be considered a mercy killing. And if you think I'm being cruel screw you because they prank call people with some really crazy twisted stuff. These DJ's probably hire Taiwanese Hookers to walk all over them while wearing high heels. Sick People.

If you dont get the pic above then you really need to go watch "30 Rock"s earlier seasons.

Made Up 3

WITH MAKE-UP

WITHOUT MAKE-UP

Made Up 2

WITH MAKE-UP

WITHOUT MAKE-UP

Made Up

WITH MAKE-UP

WITHOUT MAKE-UP

Why this NBA Season will be best ever

Go this HILARIOUS article from a basketball website that tries to have all this integrity.

"If the Lakers can move Vujacic, sources say that they are going to add Delonte West to the roster.

This move would certainly give the Lakers a way to match up with the Miami Heat and stop LeBron in the case that the two teams do actually end up meeting in the Finals next season.

So the Lakers pick up West, who also happens to be LeBrons mothers lover, or at least has been there so to speak, and what would be a better preventative measure against LeBron than to give his mother a definite mixed emotion come the finals?

Afterall, if LeBron does have any one particular weakness, it would be the man who stole his mother’s heart, or at least her playtime, and that man is former Cavaliers teammate Delonte West."

Make a Baby!

This is an actual Internet Ad... Maybe you'll get lucky and your kid will look like a possessed Gary Coleman.

Michael Vick trains kids too

Do The Tom Cruise

Its the newest dance craze and its actually quite simple.

First off you need a LARGE pair of Aviator sunglasses.... you also MUST be holding a cell phone at ALL TIMES in your right hand.

Next you got to be spastic. You GOTS TO BE.

Now the most important step.... make like you are riding an invisible motorcycle. Now pretend you are still riding that motorcycle but you are doing so while standing up, have no idea which handle is the break or gas, and that you are mildly retarded.

Almost there... now maintain a smug jackass smirk the whole time.

FINAL STEP! Make sure to have Ving Rhames near-by to fan you with his fedora.

Now your doing "The Tom Cruise".

Things that Piss Me Off

Cologne.

Has anyone EVER got laid because of the cologne they were wearing? what girl smells a guy and is like, "Oh my God, Polo. I should blow this fuck." Nope. And if anyone has EVER gotten laid from Axe Body Spray I will eat my dick. Literally.

The Hustlers who sell Cologne.

You ever play Final Fantasy. You know when your just walking along and then BAM! Suddenly your fighting like 2 dudes. Well thats basically the Queens Center Mall and these Cologne Hustlers. The bombard you and spray you with their cheap counterfit/stolen cologne. They then ask you if it smells good.... How are you suppose to respond? "No it smells like shit". You could spray me with 800 different colognes and I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. My sense of smell is absolutely horrible, the only thing I can smell is New Jersey.