Michael Jackson - My Final Stance

I just got finished watching the controversial documentary, "Living With Michael Jackson" by the reporter Bashir. In it Jackson talks about his admiration for the Elephant Man (not the reggae singer) and how he can relate to him. Michael Jackson was our generations Elephant Man. A freak show, a walking car accident that the world could not look away from. And as recluse as he was, Jackson needed the admiration to make up for the lack of love from his father. He played into the role of sideshow with outrageous behavior and a carefully created "Peter Pan" character. (The voice, the costumes, Neverland Ranch... all in "character") For a while this character was beloved and raised by the Hollywood system to the highest levels. Then, as with most stars, the system crumbles you down after you have "peeked" and destroys you. The Jackson character went from "cute" to "creepy" and Jackson's behavior became more erratic and bizarre to try and gain back the adoration. He surrounded himself with enablers and leeches who encouraged this behavior and allowed him to spend in excess, get his hands on numerous drugs, and continue massive plastic surgery. It was also at this time money hungry parents realized they could use their sons to milk the fallen star of all he was worth with lawsuits. The same parents who allowed their children to sleep in bed with him when he was successful quickly changed their tune when the fame started to decrease. Rats are the first to abandon a sinking ship.

Michael Jackson represents the American Dream and the American Tragedy. He is probably one of the most unique and interesting human beings to have ever walked the earth. No one can deny his level talent, but many of his off stage antics took away from it. With Jackson it was very hard to separate the man from the artist, but the artist is undoubtedly one of the greatest of all time. It is hard to not feel bad for this man, a man robbed of his childhood. As soon as he died I thought of a quote from Hunter S. Thompson; "Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die."

Living with Michael Jackson

Watch the shopping spree! It starts at about 4 minutes in... Unbelievable. He must spend about 20 million in a matter of minutes.

R.I.P Billy Mays

For whatever reason some people come off as genuine nice guys. One of these people was Billy Mays. He always seemed like someone who was very happy with life and a ball of energy.  He didn't take himself seriously and relished in his role as overly loud spokesman. He was able to poke fun at himself and have fun while doing. Rest in Peace Bill Mays.

6.28.09

IMO Vince Carter is the greatest dunker to ever play in the NBA. This is one of my favorite dunks of all time. To me, the slam dunk contest is cool, but misses the true essence of a dunk. A dunk is to humilate another player... to physically dominate them. I'm not really big into the flips and spins and shit, I'm into the force and anger of a dunk when someone throws it down. No one did that better then Carter. And what makes this video even better is that Carter almost punches Garnett in the face afterwards. When I see a dunk like that I can just hear Marv Albert from the glory years.... "John Starks with an emphatic dunk!"

Get Out My Business

Remember when Jackson did this......fuck it. No Jackson here but equally as good... "Cause I'm getting tired of you keep tellin' me what the fuck I'm doin every time I'm doin somethin!"

MJ Tribute

Michael Jackson - Smooth Criminal

When I was a kid I just thought this was the coolest video ever. This is the video that I most tried to emulate. I wanted to be this smooth guy wearing a cool hate that could just glide across the floor. When they lean forward and go back to standing normal.... I nearly broke my ass attempting that dance move. Jackson also taught me how to grab my crotch and scream.... he didn't like physically teach me.

Michael Jackson - Billie Jean

One of my favorite videos of Jacko. This is probably my second favorite MJ song, my top song being "PYT".

R.I.P Jacko

I now declare it Michael Jackson week here at "The Voices".... all posts will be Jacko related.

6.24.09

Wendy's New Boneless Wings

Time for some Random Ramblins....

- How amazing is that new banner on top? I was heavily intoxicated one night and messing around with some program. I don't remember too much else but there it was the next morning. That font is a custom font called "Boycott" and I'm thinking of using it for the title font of my film.

- I'm going to start watching every season of "The Soprano's"... its about that time once again. This is one show that really improves on every continued viewing. When you watched it live you were too concerned with plot progression and who was getting whacked to notice some of the finer details.

- John Carpenter is an AMAZING director. People might not give me the credit he deserves because he dwelled mainly in the "horror/thriller" genre and some of his stuff was campy, but damn if his stuff was not entertaining. "The Thing" and "They Live" are two of my favorite films, and i just recently realized the genius of "Halloween". That film set the format/template for all horror films... even these pieces of crap that are breaking the box office today.

- The new "Ghostbusters" game exceeded all my expectations. It is much better then I expected.

- Transformers 2 just came out.... Yawn.  Actually I take that back... the first one is a pretty good blockbuster... it is not however a film that needed a sequel.  I am really amped for "Public Enemies" and I should of went and seen "Up" and "Star Trek" in the theatres... I regret that. However, for me... the best possible viewing is on my laptop, with it on my chest close to my face, and my headphones on. That is how I really digest a film and notice every intricate detail and sound. I'm not too big on audience interaction with laughs and what not and wouldn't mind a headphone option at the theatre... maybe my hearing just sucks.

- What?! Wendy's now has boneless buffalo wings and chicken teryiaki! I get way too excited for new additions to fast food menus. Wendys added that buffalo chicken sandwich (the one dipped in hot sauce) which I loved as much as my crack, and then it was gone within a week. Here is a review of these new "wings"...

The “Bold Buffalo Boneless Chicken Wings” are the worst-tasting thing I have ever eaten at any fast food restaurant in my lifetime. The overbearing, vinegary pepper sauce was otherwise thin and too sugary. It destroyed the taste of the chicken in a way that the capsicum alone could never do. It nearly made me ill. The sauce was so utterly horrid that for hours I wondered, seriously, if it contained nothing other than vinegar, extract of Charleston hot pepper and corn syrup. It was Tabasco Sauce and Karo Syrup, but with more vinegar. Yeccchhh!

Hmmm... sounds good. How can it not be when a review ends with "Yecccchhh". Heres the thing tho... for 7 pieces of these "wings" they charge 4 bucks. For 1 buck I can get 5 nuggets. Hmmmm. I rather buy 20 nuggets and smother them in good hot sauce. I outsmarted you Dave Thomas.. you cunt bastard! Rest in Hell!  Speaking of new fast foods items, i wonder how that KFC grilled chicken is. I see that being advertised the fuck out of. I don't know one person who has tried it, same goes for the pizza hut pasta. I am however am tempted by the Dominos pasta bowl.  If I went to a fancy Italian restuarant and after eating the pasta some motherfucker popped out and told me it was from Pizza Hut, I would sue their ass. How can they really do that without the "patrons" signing a consent form beforehand. What if someone was allergic to Pizza Hut and happened to die? All this fast food talk reminds me of the McDonalds Arch Deluxe. I will never forget because I was a kid and it was marketed as being for grown ups only. How could a food item be for grown ups only? Was it drenched in booze? That was gone in a second too. I can't really think of a newer item added to a fast food menu that has succeeded. BTW: Here is a real review of the Dominos bread bowl from someone named Nathan on some site...

"I got the chicken alfredo bread bowl from dominos and it is delicious and great. My friends had a bug in it but she loved it until that was found. No bug in mine so yummy."

6.21.09

Does anyone else remember this thing called the sun? It was big, and bright, and yellow, and wore sunglasses and had a huge toothy grin. Seriously, I feel like it has been raining for the past 40 days.... am I in NY or friggin Seattle? I think sunshine will be a thing we tell our grandkids used to exist... we basically fucked the ozone layer.

6.20.09

Civilization by Marco Brambilla from CRUSH on Vimeo.

who knows what the fuck that is... but it just might have mindfucked me for the rest of my life.

NBA Championship

Lakers won the championshi.....ZZZZZZZZZ.... Phil Jackson won his 10th NBA Cham.... SNORE.... Kobe Byrant proved he coulf win without..... SNORE... ZZZZZ... 

I never thought I would say it but the NHL Finals were a million times better then the NBA Finals. The Magic had no business being there and basically Cockblocked the nation out of Lebron vs. Kobe.  It was so boring I will not waste anymore time talking about it....

Lets talk about "The Soup" television shows. I'm sure you know about "The Soup" on E! which is a take off of "Talk Soup". "The Soup" makes fun of reality shows. Did you know however that there are 2 more soups? Yup. On Versus there is a "Sports Soup" and on G4 there is a "Web Soup" which shows various internet clips. They are all carbon copies of the original formula and are damn near identical. "The Soup" is still the best.

6.15.09

Wow. Its much better to piss in a fake golf club and carry it around for 18 holes then to just piss in the bushes for a couple of seconds and be done with it. It doesnt look suspicious when a gold club is hanging from your dick with a towel over it. What if a friend doesnt realize its a golf club filled with piss and uses it and swings for the fences. It would then pop open releasing urine all over the golfer...actually this might be a really good product after all.

Zach Galifianakis - Stand up (part 2/2)

last one.... this is amazing.. especially the fanny pack part

6.11.09

This is my new favorite comedian

zach galifianakis ain't goin' e-mail you no more!

one of my favorite things ever to say

Zach Galifinakis

Crying Number

What do you hear when you call this number? The sounds of rape? Rhianna songs? David Carradine being tied up? The score of the Mets game? Favre un-announcing his retirement? Gay sex?

Someone try dialing it... I cant afford no 2 dollars a minute in this Recession times.

6.9.09

Man... the details around Da

vid Carradine's death just keep getting stranger and stranger. When I first head the news I had no idea who the hell he was. Then I saw a pic of him and realized he was the guy from "Kung Fu: The Legend Continues" which was aired 24-7 in reruns on TNT. What I didn't know about Mr.David is that he was a sexual deviant. There is no other word to describe him.... when you are found hanging dead tied up wearing fishnet stocking and a wig while a rope is tightly around your Johnson you might just be a sexual deviant. That is going to be my new stand up comedy routine... I'm going to be like that guy who does the "you might be a redneck if..." but mine is going to be, "you might be a sexual deviant if...". "You might be a sexual deviant if you have watched and appeared on "To Catch a Predator" on the same day."

Anyway new details are emerging, and Mr.David certainly knew how to party....

"TMZ reports seeing what appears to be fishnet stockings covering the body and red women's lingerie on the bed. And the man purported to be Carradine may have been wearing a dark wig."

Ifyouaregaysaywhat?! His ex wife also said there was an evil dark side to him... and that he also may have been banging his daughter or niece. Wow this guy was truly fucked up. What I dont understand is why were his hands tied above his heads when he obviously intended to jerk off? If both hands were tied his head how did he manage to tie a noose around his neck and a rope tightly around his penis. Maybe there is some validity to the claim that he was murdered by a group of underground kung fu ninjas.... ninjas who kill someone and then tie up their genitals and dress them up as a woman. What the fuck kind of ninjas are this?! I thought ninjas threw smoke bombs and shit, not this S&M shit. Here is a pic from the scene of the crime... apparently not one but two Easter Bunny's were there and a Oompa Loompa.

Summer Scam

I was at Summer Jam 2009 last night and saw firsthand how sad current rap has become. These new performers just don't have the energy of older acts. I love 90's rap, which is why I went bonkers when Method Man and Redman, Busta Rhymes, and Jay-Z came out. Besides for them I would have rather stayed partying in the parking lot then seeing Jim Jones, Elephant Man, Mary J. Blige, and someone named OJ Da Juiceman (I got excited when I heard his name thinking OJ Simpson was going to come out, but alas it wasn't him). Jay-Z is pretty awesome live, but I still feel Kanye West is a better performer. Method, Red, and Busta just bring an energy that is off the charts, jumping into the stands and destroying cameras and shit. These new rappers try too hard to look cool, and dont just go and wild the fuck out. Im still disappointed that 2Pac was not the surprise guest making his return to life.

I have yet to watch a game of the NBA Finals and it looks like I'm going to keep it that way. I still feel the Magic are not that good and snuck their way into the finals, and it looks like now they are being exposed. Every sport right now is so lopsided with one confrence/division being so much better then the other... the west in basketball, the AL, and the AFC. This lopsidedness is creating some piss poor championship series. (I should take the NFL out of the equation since it is a crap shoot and the past 2 Super Bowls have been good) Overall I must say that the NBA playoffs have been good, with a great anti-climatic Rockets/Lakers series and the Celtics and Bulls destroying each other. I still think that if the Celtics had Garnett in the playoffs they would have won it all again.

Central Bookings

So I got locked up. I was stuck in Central Bookings for 24 hours for basically being a drunk. I got arrested for drinking in public and had 3 warrants that were all related to alcohol.  All in all the experience was not that bad, as I got to meet a lot of cool and very interesting people. As a writer this was a great experience that I would not take back. I like to discover all sorts of things, good and bad... if I am going to write about criminals then I have to spend some time with some and be in the mindset.  The other prisoners in bookings aren't the problem, its the power hungry CO's. They are the ones who talk down to you and pick fights, purposely pushing your buttons trying to get you to explode and be punished. The worst part for me was the total lack of info provided by these people... if I had a timeframe it wouldn't be so bad.... shit If there were beds in the cell I would be living there chowing down on a nice peanut butter and bread sandwich (I guess jelly is too expensive) and some milk. I'm just kidding, the conditions suck. You sleep on a dirty floor with everyone trying to fit like we are playing a game of human Tetris. If you are "lucky" you get to sit on a bench that has to be made of the hardest substance on the planet earth.... I preferred the floor. There is one toilet off to the side with no walls for privacy, and probably makes the loudest noise I have ever heard when flushed. It is courtesy not to shit, but one kid had to go and used the "keep flushing while shitting" method. As I laid on the cold hard floor (thats one thing I will give the bookings, they are not stingy with their air conditioning... that cell is like an ice box) staring up at the ceiling, and a substance smeared about that had to be shit,  I knew what it was like to be an animal in the zoo. Sitting besides me was a rotten apple that had probably been there for months, and about 6 flys were buzzing about constantly.

There were many interesting characters in my cell, and we all got along well. Being able to talk to someone really helps the time fly. Everyone was pissed to be there but able to joke about the situation and tell stories of previous crimes or what they did to get in bookings.  There was this one older spanish guy who barely spoke english who shared his story with us; "I didn't do nothing. All I was doing was just drinking two big Guinesses." Someone else asked, "What were you walking with them?" to which he replied, "No I was driving". We then asked what he was going to do when he got out and he said, "Im going to get some Guiness and drink them and drive home." He justified his drinking and driving by saying it was not liquor, so it was okay. Another guy we called OT (old timer) who had one clean but used to be addicted to crack back in the day. He was a real cool guy and told us stories of how wild central bookings used to be back in the day. For you aspiring criminals, he also said jail is nothing like it is in the movies and that rape shit doesn't happen... not now and not back then.

So now for the absolute worst part. I'm in the very final holding cell waiting to see the judge. (You have to go to 4 different cells before you see the judge. Its kind of like different levels with each one offering more open space) At this point I'm pissed off as the rest of my cell mates got let go and I'm still stuck in this hellhole. At this point the CO brings in these two older guys that got shipped here from Ritgers. Ritgers was closing down different sections due to a swine flu outbreak and these guys were evacuated. This one guy is a short Russian man wearing a very long trenchcoat with fur on the top. His face is filled with acne and rashes and he storms in and immediately begins shaking everyones hand while muttering something in a incoherent language. This man emits the worst smell I have ever smelt in my life... no doubt about it. Just from shaking his hand I feel my whole body begin to itch and me and everyone else in the cell covers our noses and flees to the other side of the room, away from him.  He lays on the bench and then begins to ask for a knife. No one responds to him and he begins digging into his sock. At this point I was very prepared for him to whip out a shank and start attacking everyone in the cell. This guy was crazy... he a crazy in his eyes. Before he can reveal what was in his sock the CO comes back and removes him for stinking way too bad. We then all washed our hands in the water fountain and when I got home I took 3 showers. I really hope that Russian fuck didn't give me the swine flu.

The Happening

I want you to go RUN to your nearest Blockbuster or check your tv schedule or mail in your Netflix or do whatever the hell you have to do to get your hands on a copy of M. Night Shytman's "The Happening". This is without a shadow of doubt the worst movie of all time. It makes "Wicker Man" and Uwe Bowl films look like "Raging Bull". I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard while watching a movie. The funniest comedy is unintentional, and this movie will have you rolling with tears in your eyes. The acting and line delivery is so awful that no one involved in this film should ever work in Hollywood again. Mark Wahlberg gives the worst acting performance in the history of cinema. That is no joke. 

I was seriously writing more coherent pieces of shit then this in the 5th grade. I really wish I would have been able to see this is a theatre just to see the reaction of the audience. There are so many "serious" "suspenseful" lines that I just know would be met with laughter. Theres even a scene where an elderly women shows Mark Walhberg a movie sent to her iPhone (nice product placement) from a sister. It shows a man feeding himself to a bunch of lions and walking around armless. The women watches in awe and then says, "What kind of terrorists are these?" This line literally made me do a spit take. The best thing I can say about this film is that its "funny" bad and not "boring" bad.... as a matter of fact it is down right hilarious, one of the funniest films of all time. If someone tells you this is a good film (and not in the sense that its so bad its good) then they are a complete and utter moron. This is not debatable. If you have any bit of intelligence what so ever you can tell this is a horrible horrible horrible film. Even Ray Charles could see that and he's blind and dead.

Conans very first show

Tonight was Conans first night hosting "Late Night". I thought i would post this opening clip from his debut in 1993. It's really funny, and if you get a chance also check out the opening form tonight.

5.29.09

Thank you everyone who's last name is not James on the Cavaliers for ruining the NBA Finals. We were suppose to have the Clash of the Titans, the new Bird vs. Magic as Lebron took on Kobe.... but instead we now have Kobe versus newer version of Shaq who is not quite ready to be this far in the playoffs (Dwight Howard). I have no faith in the Magic, as they barely beat and exhausted and Garnett-less Celtics, and followed it by beating an imploding, overconfident, Cavaliers team. I think the Lakers have this in 5 games... 6 if the Magic get lucky. You have to remember it wasn't that long ago that these Magic players were pointing fingers at each other and calling out the coach. That is not a good sign for team chemistry... The Magic live and die on the 3 pointer and it will not always be there. They were lucky they were hot and Mo Williams decided not to show up. So now all those Kobe/Lebron puppet and Vitamin Waters have been for nothing... The good news is I think the chances of the Knicks landing Lebron have just shot up

5.29.09

Heres some footage of me at the gym... BTW , I am 62 years old and look kind of like Sly Stallone.

Gayest Lines in Rap

Complex had a list of the 69 gayest lines in rap history... here are some of favorites. No one appears on this list more then Biggie and thats for good reason. No other rapper said wilder and questionable things then Big, who can be seen above.

“Suck my dick! / And all you niggas that’s been to jail before know it’s about to get thick / Let’s get it on baby.”
-DMX “What’s My Name”

“How do it feel, to hold my dick in public? / Cock-blower…”
-Prodigy “Keep it Thoro”

“I get in butt styles like a hard up homosexual”
-Tajai from Del’s “Burnt”

“If ya gal look fine you better hide the bitch / Cause if I find her I’ma fuckin make her suck my dick / That goes for your momma and your sister too / And if I’m locked down, then hell, that shit might go for you / Don’t try to get no false nuts, I take ‘em sucker.”
-Pimp C from UGK’s “Cocaine In The Back Of The Ride”

“Don’t they know my nigga Gutta fuckin’ kidnap kids? / Fuck ‘em in the ass, throw ‘em over the bridge”
-The Notorious B.I.G. “What’s Beef”

“Muthafucka, I’ll rip your butthole out of place!”
-DMX “Top Shotter”

“When you awaken, your manhood will be taken.”
-Big Pun “You Ain’t A Killer”

“Finger near a nigga asshole like WHOA!”
-Black Rob “Whoa”

“Where you want it: head or gut? / It’s best to keep your mouth shut / I turn your body over, I put it in your fucking butt / Yeah, I’m here and i’m ready to attack, mess around and get a 5 1/2 up in that ass crack / And it’s just about the right size, to rupture your nut, to make your ding-a-ling not rise!”
-Malik from Illegal “Head or Gut”

“Niggaz press they luck and they get a buttfuckin’ / Straight up the ass, raw dog with the rash / And I don’t fuck wit the condoms.”
-The Notorious B.I.G. “The Wickedest”

“Now, I never had my dick sucked by a man before / But you gon be the first you little trick ass hoe / Then you can tell me just how it taste / But before I nut, I shoot some piss in your face”
-DJ Quik “Dollaz and Sense”

“My theory is fuck it / Sexy niggas get abducted”
-Fredro Starr from Onyx’s “Last Dayz”

“You might got more cash than me / But you ain’t got the skills to eat a nigga’s ass like me.”
-Canibus “2nd Round Knock Out”