Central Bookings

So I got locked up. I was stuck in Central Bookings for 24 hours for basically being a drunk. I got arrested for drinking in public and had 3 warrants that were all related to alcohol.  All in all the experience was not that bad, as I got to meet a lot of cool and very interesting people. As a writer this was a great experience that I would not take back. I like to discover all sorts of things, good and bad... if I am going to write about criminals then I have to spend some time with some and be in the mindset.  The other prisoners in bookings aren't the problem, its the power hungry CO's. They are the ones who talk down to you and pick fights, purposely pushing your buttons trying to get you to explode and be punished. The worst part for me was the total lack of info provided by these people... if I had a timeframe it wouldn't be so bad.... shit If there were beds in the cell I would be living there chowing down on a nice peanut butter and bread sandwich (I guess jelly is too expensive) and some milk. I'm just kidding, the conditions suck. You sleep on a dirty floor with everyone trying to fit like we are playing a game of human Tetris. If you are "lucky" you get to sit on a bench that has to be made of the hardest substance on the planet earth.... I preferred the floor. There is one toilet off to the side with no walls for privacy, and probably makes the loudest noise I have ever heard when flushed. It is courtesy not to shit, but one kid had to go and used the "keep flushing while shitting" method. As I laid on the cold hard floor (thats one thing I will give the bookings, they are not stingy with their air conditioning... that cell is like an ice box) staring up at the ceiling, and a substance smeared about that had to be shit,  I knew what it was like to be an animal in the zoo. Sitting besides me was a rotten apple that had probably been there for months, and about 6 flys were buzzing about constantly.

There were many interesting characters in my cell, and we all got along well. Being able to talk to someone really helps the time fly. Everyone was pissed to be there but able to joke about the situation and tell stories of previous crimes or what they did to get in bookings.  There was this one older spanish guy who barely spoke english who shared his story with us; "I didn't do nothing. All I was doing was just drinking two big Guinesses." Someone else asked, "What were you walking with them?" to which he replied, "No I was driving". We then asked what he was going to do when he got out and he said, "Im going to get some Guiness and drink them and drive home." He justified his drinking and driving by saying it was not liquor, so it was okay. Another guy we called OT (old timer) who had one clean but used to be addicted to crack back in the day. He was a real cool guy and told us stories of how wild central bookings used to be back in the day. For you aspiring criminals, he also said jail is nothing like it is in the movies and that rape shit doesn't happen... not now and not back then.

So now for the absolute worst part. I'm in the very final holding cell waiting to see the judge. (You have to go to 4 different cells before you see the judge. Its kind of like different levels with each one offering more open space) At this point I'm pissed off as the rest of my cell mates got let go and I'm still stuck in this hellhole. At this point the CO brings in these two older guys that got shipped here from Ritgers. Ritgers was closing down different sections due to a swine flu outbreak and these guys were evacuated. This one guy is a short Russian man wearing a very long trenchcoat with fur on the top. His face is filled with acne and rashes and he storms in and immediately begins shaking everyones hand while muttering something in a incoherent language. This man emits the worst smell I have ever smelt in my life... no doubt about it. Just from shaking his hand I feel my whole body begin to itch and me and everyone else in the cell covers our noses and flees to the other side of the room, away from him.  He lays on the bench and then begins to ask for a knife. No one responds to him and he begins digging into his sock. At this point I was very prepared for him to whip out a shank and start attacking everyone in the cell. This guy was crazy... he a crazy in his eyes. Before he can reveal what was in his sock the CO comes back and removes him for stinking way too bad. We then all washed our hands in the water fountain and when I got home I took 3 showers. I really hope that Russian fuck didn't give me the swine flu.