So Nice, had to Post Twice

NOTHING EASY! NOTHING EASY! Scream loud and drag out your words!!!! GAME 7!!!!! So B-Ball... what's been going on off the court has been more exciting then the actual playoffs. I still feel there is NO way the Magic come back and actually win this series, and while the Lakers are not last years team they can still beat the Suns. The Suns have to be the overacheivers of the year. It's funny to me how Nash and Nowitzski's careers have been so different since they have been split up. I bet most expected Dirk to be the bigger star, but Nash has proved to be one of the NBA's greatest PG's of all time. He is a true PG, same as Rondo, which makes watching them so much fun. They control the whole tempo of their teams, and when they are on, the team is on. But the real news is Delonte - motorcycle ridin' with the shotgun on the back - West having sex with Lebron James Mother. What a horrible thing. Lebron James mother is not even a MILF, so there was no need for her to be hunted. She looks like Lebron in a wig... it reminds me of Larry Johnson dressing up as Grandmama. Why would Delonte throw his career away for that? BTW, what the hell is Delonte West? Is he white, black, spanish, native american?

Bert & Ernie

Ernie Hudson is not amused by Yankees fans

Try this at home...

Its a game called "Liars dice"

"So everyone starts with 5 die. Then first person to bid will say there are X (quantity) number of Y (face value) dice. This goes for EVERYONE's die. Now you either raise the bid, call bluff, or think the number bid was dead-on.

Now, if you call bluff and (say opponent said there are four die with face value of 5 out there as his bid) if there are at least the amount he bid (more is OK) is out there then you lose the die cause he wasn't bluff.

If you chose that the bid was dead-on and there are say more of the die then he bid, you will still lose a die because it's not a dead-on bid.

So, to make it short bluff its OK to under bid, but if you call someone's bid for being dead-on it has to be the EXACT amount the person bid.

It goes and goes until only one person is left.

--think its actually called Declare bid spot-on in actually game."

Pure Genius

The intro to Growing Pains is the most genius thing I have ever seen. It is reminiscent of Nazi propaganda in its ability to warp the mind into fighting for something.. in this case this family.

Lets Break this down.

Ok... right in the beginning we see the family yelling at each other. This shows they are not your typical family... there is a little dysfunction.. but they aren't angrily yelling, more like "joshing".

Then they strike a normal pose for the camera... they put on the front of the perfect family for society to see.

Then we get this powerful fucking music and shots of every cast member thru different stages of their lives. Right there that makes us feel like we knew and grew up with these people our whole lives. Emotional attachment.

Also right before Mike Camerons name, one of his pictures of his him as a child making a goofy face... right there we know the character has a sense of humor and is the clown.

Then the family dispatches and we have Mike Cameron standing alone hamming it up. Now we know he is the star of the show. He tries to stand like he is the true man of the house, but then goes scampering after his family... showing he still needs them despite how he may act. PURE FUCKING GENIUS!

I can actually go even deeper into what each character is doing at present that says even more about them... this whole thing is probably boring you to tears... The mother is a business suit.. she's an independent working woman. Mike Cameron once again goofing off. The daughter on the phone chatting with her friends, typical teenage girl. The gay son looking like a stand up comedian doing a routine.... SOOOOOO FUCKING GENIUS!

Best moment in NBA Playoffs

Today is NBA Draft Lottery day

Harry Caray on CrackerJacks

Video Gamez!!!!

When I was a kid I love video games. I would count down the days waiting for certain games to be released. Now a days, I'm a casual gamer at most. I play with myself alone (ha) and never do online gaming because I am revealed as the semi-brain dead ignoramus that I am... The point is.... Hmmm... Oh yeah.. this new game "Red Dead Redemption" (hate the title) is coming out this Tuesday and I'm pretty sure it will be the best game of all time. This game really must be considered a work of art. It is graphically the most impressive game I have seen... The scenery is breathtaking and filled with wildlife. This is a game you buy and don't actually play. You just ride around on the horse going up mountains and fucking shit up.... like Grand Theft Auto but with a horse... and in the wild west. Fuck doing missions. Shoot some bears. Play some poker. Hang some thieves.... just like my real life. You should be able to piss and shit in this game. Walk up to a wall or whatever and just take a leak.... and after a while you are forced to shit and you also have to feed your character. In this game you should also have to take your character to high school and GPA, and then get a boring job. That's why I want in my video game.... I want it to be true escapism.

A picture of me performing my main hobby

WORLDS GREATEST EXCUSE

What I am about to present to you might be the GREATEST EXCUSE OF ALL TIMES!

KITTY PORN (CLICK)

Shit that pisses me off - Sports Stats

Lebron wiping away tears as the real "King" of basketball AND 1 Mixtapes his ass

You know what is ruining sports? What is taking away from the mystique of the athlete... the aura... the legend? Stats. Stats and this fantasy sports shit are really taking away from the games. I'm sick of watching a game and being bombarded with all these stupid fucking stats.... "Only once in the history of basketball a guy wearing white sneakers scored 2 consecutive 3 pointers in Game 7 of a series." Who gives a fuck! You know who stats used to be for? Stats used to be for that creepy guy in the ballpark with his radio on and writing down every pitch in his notebook probably filled with doodles of male genitalia. Sports analyst has to be the dumbest job in the world... One guy says "I think the Mets will win", while another argues, "I think the Mets will lose." Imagine turning on the weather channel and having 2 guys arguing over wether it will rain tommorrow and presenting all these "stats" to enforce their argument. When one of these so called analysts makes a right prediction we hear them boast non stop... but they are never called out on all the HORRIBLE predictions they always make.

Lets go a step further... sports radio. Sports radio... especially here in NY, makes me realize the majority of humans are morons. After one loss they want a public execution of team. Then after 2 consecutive wins that team is winning a championship GUARANTEED. Why would ANY athlete want to play in New York besides for the extra money. Put me somewhere warm and tropical where everyone is enjoying life too much to give a fuck about sports... basically Shaq before going to Cleveland.

Now another problem with sports... players jump around from team to team WAY too much. Back in the day... you started with a team, you most likely finished with that team. There is no loyalty anymore to a state or city. You think A-Rod really gives a fuck about NY? Or Jose Reyes? As soon as the season ends they are probably on the first flight out of town. This is where I have to give the Yankees props... and trust me I hate to do that.. the Yankees have always been about homegrown talent from the days of DiMaggio to Jeter and Posada... and now they look like they are continuing the tradition with Cano and Granderson. Thats something I really enjoy... which brings me to Lebron. Lebron.... stay in Cleveland. You were born there.. you are their hero... they dont have much at all... you are Cleveland's whole economy. As a New Yorker we have enough... we have 2 teams in each sport. We got the Yankees, Jets, and possibly the Giants all on the verge of capturing a title....

And you know deep down if Lebron comes to the Knicks and wins the title it will still not be as good as the 94 Knicks Finals run.... even tho they lost. That team embodied the attitude of the city... gritty and willing to fight till the end. What will the Knicks be now? The Lebrons.. besides we all saw last nights game and Lebron James sucks now.

Hey! New York actually agrees with me! Check out the poll at the NY Daily News. The majority of votes are telling Lebron to stay in Cleveland. Yo Lebron! New York dont want ya!

NY DAILY NEWS POLL

LEBRON JAMES SUX!!!!1!!!1!

For those who saw the Cavaliers game with them getting eliminated... tell me Lebron James did not seem like someone who was being threatened by the mob and being forced to throw the game against his will. He looked frightened on the bench. Then when the game ends he's telling his opponents secrets whispering in their ears, high fiving fans, and then looking like he was going to rip his jersey off and throwing it to the ground in the locker room. The Boston fans chanting "New York Knicks" at Lebron when he was at the free throw line was one of the most bizarre things I've seen in sports. I have seen very few teams quit like this one did. Down by 8 with like 1:30 on the clock and no one is fouling? What?

Mark My words right here.... Putting my guarantee on it...

LEBRON IS GOING TO NEW YORK........

BROOKLYN NEW YORK!

That is the exact way he should announce it at the press confrence.

INTERNET BREAKDOWN: Eli Porter

Bout time I posted this here... if you haven't noticed I've been pretty much winning the internetz as of late. Theres been some real gems on here as of late. This is a great one filled with so much unintentional comedy it is a little scary... make that very scary. So lets break this summa bitch down...

0:30 - Why is our "host" gently rubbing that guys chest. He does it practically the whole video.

1:13 - His advice to Eli is to stay "walking cripple". This freestyle is for a highschool television show. A highschool television show where they refer to the mentally disabled as "cripples".

2:04 - Look at the guy in the middle

2:10 - If ANYONE can tell me what the hell he says you win my autographed Seal "Kiss From a Rose" single. My guess is, "This nigga soft like a nigga who did gym did the best." If that is indeed what he said then he is a bigger lyrical genius then I thought.

2:56 - "He like Rosie O'Donnell at a bisexual bible shower." I'm assuming he meant bridal, but I heard bible. I'm not sure what exactly he means by this, but I do know it deserves a "Ohhh!" from the audience.

3:09 - "This dude like that, he ran in front of the cat". Oh.

3:41 - My favorite part. So much awesome at one single time. First you have the two guys in the heart holding hands looking like they are on a date. Then you have Eli claiming that he said "freaking". Maybe if freaking was spelt f-u-c-k-i-n-g.

3:48 - Listen to the guy in the yellow polo, "He said a bisexual". After everything you just witnessed, the funniest thing you found was someone uttering the word bisexual. My head would have fucking exploded if I witnessed this live.

3:51 - Listen to the host, "That was great! It HAD to be better then last time." What the hell could have possibly occurred last time?

Genius... Simply Genius

Kreuger Time

I thought the new "Nightmare on Elm Street" pretty much kicked ass. It's the first movie of the series where your not rooting for Freddy Kreuger to slaughter those annoying teens. Freddy is a pedophile to the max. Even the biggest Kreuger fan would have to admit this new version is a mother-fucker... He's like Rothlessberger with knives for fingers.

Heres how I feel I greatly improved my experience of this film.... by watching a bootleg cam version of it. It really made it feel like I was watching a film from the 90's. The film was not overly sleek and had this cool grainy look to it.... No HD, no mega special effects. This is what Tarantino tried to achieve with "Grindhouse". I'm pretty certain I would have not nearly enjoyed this movie as much if I had saw it in the theatre. So basically... go see this movie.. no wait.... go watch this movie illegally on a website like ninjavideo.net .

The pic above are the Kreuger Nike kicks I would have been wearing right now if they did not get canned. You can still cop a pair for like 2,000 bucks.

What I REALLY want for Christmas

What i want for christmas

Athletes

Oh great... Lawrence Taylor has just been accused of raping a 15 year old girl in a hotel room. What the hell is going on in pro sports? Maybe he's not guilty... but what the fuck was he doing in a hotel room with a 15 year old girl?! I love people who defend this shit by saying, "He's an athlete, why do you care what he does off the field/court/course?" No... your good at football, you should get a free pass to go rape whoever you want. "Hide your mothers and daughters Big Ben is in town.... and he is now legally allowed to rape!" I'm sorry... if I think someone is a scumbag I can not root for them, even if they are on my team. I loved LT, I'm a huge Giants fan, but fuck him if its true... 15?! What is wrong with these athletes? They have so much trouble getting laid that they have to resort to rape, prostitutes, and children? Tiger Woods must be loving this, it makes him look like a saint. Even Big Ben.... he at least does his raping in bathroom stalls in sleazy bars with women, not in hotel rooms with children. Even if she lied.... you have to check I.D.'s now a days.... your a big star, girls will look at you and see a lawsuit. I don't see anyway what so ever LT can beat this charge...

The only defense I can think of is if LT, who is 51 years old, claims he has dyslexia , and thought he himself was actually 15.... Case closed.

Oozinator

Home Shopping Blooper (FUNNY!)

Pretty much everywhere, it's gonna be hot.

Minus the Bear- Omni

"Minus The Bear" just released their new album entitled "Omni". This album is certainly not for everyone, and even some past fans of Minus will hate it. Here is what one scathing review had to say,

"Omni does in fact have the pop and sheen that would make the most anonymous of 1980s corporate rockers proud. But for the most part, the combination of drop-D riffs and antiseptic production conjures a grunge band covering the Police."

What?! I have personally never heard a better review. I absolutely love 80's rock, grunge band's, and the Police. That's basically saying this album throws three of my favorite things into a pot and mixes them up. Where do I sign up? I personally think this album is genius and sexy as hell. I can honestly not stop listening to it and have had many of these songs stuck in my head. It is catchy as hell with enough integrity to not make you embarrassed to listen to it. First you must realize that this album is light funk - pop - sex. I honestly love every track on this record and plan on bumping it for the whole summer. Definitely check it out before buying... some will straight up hate it. This album is honestly one of the sexiest I have ever heard.

My Favorite E-Mail

Mr. Tomo Sand Nori

Today I received an e-mail from a one "Shawn M. Higgins". The subject read, "Greetings from Japan". As soon as I read Japan I became petrified as any normal American would. What does that country want from me? Who sent this? Where Am I?

I slowly opened the e-mail... this is what it read...

Hello I'm Mr. Tomo Sand Nori of , Tokyo Mitsubishi Bank,Japan.I have a bussiness proposal for you. If intrested Contact me via my secured email: mrtomo2002@w.cn

Now I have been called a lot of things in my lifetime... "Douchebag", "Asshole", "The Male Cunt", but Mr. Tomo Sand Nori is not one of them. What is this "business proposal", is that slang for gay sex? How many people fall for this scam? Can you imagine some white trash trailer park hick fresh off of learning the interwebz getting this e-mail? They think, "Shit.. this must be some rich Jap... this idiot thinks I'm him... I'm do business and make the money!" Then a Kid Rock looking mother fucker shows up claiming to be Mr .Tomo Sand Nori? I enjoy shit like this way more then I should.

Mike Tyson with his pigeons

Tea with Tyson