Bee Movie

No one can deny that "Seinfeld" is one of the greatest, if not the greatest show ever. When the show ended Jerry Seinfeld went into hiding. Doing hardly no television or movie work. What was he doing? Working on a script for a film he always wanted to make. That film you ask? "Bee Movie". Holy shit... does this movie suck. It sucks so bad it almost worth seeing. Had Jerry Seinfeld not been Jerry Seinfeld from the show "Seinfeld", every Hollywood executive would have wiped their ass with this script.

Whats the story? A bee sees humans taking honey from them.... so he decides to sue the human race, and uses his human "girlfriend" to help him. Did I mention he can talk english and no human seems to be weirded out by this.  He goes to court and talks to the humans, defending himself.... when hes not at court, he hangs out at this human womans house. Her human boyfriend begins to become very jealous of him and their is this whole beastality thing.... is human/insect sex beastality?

The movies tone is very angry and bitter. It really feels like Jerry Seinfeld is really pissed about our treatment to bees. Like this is a major issue that needs to be addressed. We are overworking bees for money. The bee also has beef with Ray Liotta and Sting. Sting for using a nickname associated with bees and Ray Liotta for umm... being a bad actor? So long story short the bees win the case, stop making honey, get bored and realize they like working. Fuck this movie... avoid at all costs.

9.28.08

Well surprise surprise. Guess who blew it and will not be playing in the playoffs this October. Did you guess the Mets? Yes the shame that is New York sports continues... except for the Giants. I am a Giants, Knicks, and Mets fan. All the Knicks and the Mets do is let you down. They build up your hopes and then smash them.

I actually almost teared up watching Keith Hernandez looking on in disbelief after the game and fighting back tears. Knowing that this was the last game at Shea Stadium made it that much harder. Shea Stadium has been a part of my life since the day I was first born. Shit, I drive by it just about every damn day. Its pretty damn sad... this whole situation sucks.

RIP Paul Newman

Paul Newman had died today. Paul Newman was a old school style of cool... a Sinatra style cool that is becoming a lost art form. Someone who is a real gentleman and just oozes style, and maintains their image well. Leonardo Dicaprio kind of has that going on now. Paul Newman also made some bad ass lemonade. RIP.

9.22.08

Just got back from Bear Mountain. Went on a 6-7 hour hike up about 3 mountains and camped out in the wild. The true spirit of man comes from new experiences. People get too far out of touch with nature now a days… everyone needs a spiritual journey where they leave the computers, cell phones, and what not at home. It is honestly like a cleansing for the body, soul, and mind.

Just got my first pair of Supra sneakers… I am pretty sure I will never go back to Nike again. This company is young and hungry. Supra reminds me of Apple and Nike is Microsoft. Nike is old and established, it sticks with the same formula and you know what to expect with a pair. Supra is experimental and the shoes just look so fresh and crisp. The materials appear to be of top quality and everything is well crafted. They are not the empire of the world, so they actually care about the consumer. Plus everyone and their mother rocks Nike now a days, even the somewhat exclusive ones. You know that feeling when you find something new and hot, and you rock it with pride, and people ask like, “what is that, its hot?” So you rock it for a while and then you see more and more people rocking it. Finally one day you see the herbiest lameitory douchebag wearing it or something similar to it, and then you know its time to put it to bed. That’s what’s happening to Nike and Nike SB’s. Time to put it to bed…. I see too many lames wearing them lately…. Besides they just seem a tad too childish. Supras are grown and sexy, and the Supra NS line can be worn out to clubs and is fly as shit. Those kicks look like they time warped from the future.

The Porn Industry

I was recently asked by a porn website called The Naughty Nation to go and film the porn convention in New Jersey. Why not? I have no desire to direct porn.... never did. I don't really see the glamorous side of this industry. I'm not a big porn fan personally... I did not know one person there besides for Ron Jeremy, and could care less about how long of  a dick these ho's could fit in their mouth.

I loved watching these losers, running about getting pictures and autographs. Who cares about an autograph from a porn star? What are you going to look at it while jerking off? Lets break it down.... Here are a few things that I observed, and some tips for the porn convention.

- Most porn stars have terrible skin. Their faces are acne ridden and filled with pot holes. To hide this fact they wear an EXCESSIVE amount of make up. If I had to guess... porn stars weren't the popular ones in high school and probably didn't party much or see much sex. Then they got to college.... dyed their hair... wore a lot of make-up and started getting fucked for a living. That seems like the majority of them. Some of them are just obscenely hot however and would look out of place doing anything but porn... then their are those who are just sex addicts and freaks. They really know how to work a crowd.

- Ron Jeremy is the Jesus of porn stars. When he walked in, he immediatly drew an immense crowd. Me any my friend snuck our way to the front of the line and actually got a really great plug from him. He's a real cool guy and really knows how to work a room.

- They have dick shaped everything. I thought it was hilarious watching girls sucking penis shaped lollipops. Some where just downright bizaare.... like a teddy bear that for some reason had a giant huge vibrating penis that was constantly thrusting.

- There is a shop called "Schlongs and Bongs".

- If you have a VIP pass you can go to the VIP room... what is in there you ask? A foosball table, a air hockey table and about 6 stripper poles with women who obviously are on the extacy.

- Don't eat hot dogs at the convention. They were god awful and literally made my asshole die. Get the pizza. It might look like the ugliest, most unappetizing thing on the earth, but it is actually quite good.

- Jesse Jane sucks. Not only dicks I mean. Apparently she's one of the bigger porn stars at this time. First off she is an anorexic blonde with silicone hanging off her chest an absolutely NO breasts. She was on stage screeching sounding like the ghost of Anna Nicole Smith. Her voice is honestly one of the worst and most annoying I have ever heard. Honestly.

- Weird looking foreigners really want to watch you fuck their surgically enhanced wife.

- Oh man... "Strip For Pain" is more gruesome then the "Passion of the Christ". Two girls with a lot of tatts, pick a man to punish. The guy is usually fat, bald, and has plenty of backne. It is game... The more punishment they take, the more the girls strip. First up was the whipping. I figured it would just be very tame with light love taps.... WRONG! They were whipped until HUGE bloody welts appeared. That wasn't the end tho. Next up they had to get punched in the face by these chicks as hard as possible, and they didn't even take their rings off. ow.

9.10.08

Some people consider this to be the scariest scene in the history of motion pictures. Its pretty good if I do say so myself. Classic storytelling... nice build up, good pay off. From the Lynch masterpiece Mulholland Drive.

And speaking of Lynch, heres another freaky scene from "Lost Highway". These movies are pretty bizaare, fun to watch alone with no lights on.

MTV VMA's

I caught a little bit of the MTV Music Video Awards. My God.... I remember these shits weren't half bad... MTV always had the best production values this side of the NFL and WWE. As shitty as the performances were going to be, I knew the whole show was going to be over the top and flashy and flamboyant. Their would be larger then life superstars, barely dressed hot starlets, out of control rappers, and rock stars climbing on top of large things. The VMA's are so god dammed neutered it makes me sick. The music industry has absolutely NO unpredictability. Charisma seems to be becoming a lost art form, and even the rappers of today aren't gangsta or controversial. The VMA's used to feel like a place where everyone wanted to be. Does anyone else remember when it was in New York and Chris Rock hosted? That shit was huge. Now a days, it feels like Diddy rather be in Brooklyn eating cheesecake then anywhere near the VMA's. (He wasn't there this year from what I've seen.) The biggest attraction at this show was Britney Spears. Britney fucking Spears. And MTV acted like she was still a huge star and didn't lose her fucking mind and shave her head a couple of months ago. She won like every award.... she should've won the award for "Ugliest Vagina".

Chris Brown and Rhianna are fucking boring. Rhianna is weird looking, with her alien forehead and dyke haircut. Christian Aguilera and Kid Rock weren't bad. MTV and Disney are now basically one with Hannah Montanna running about everywhere and the asshole brothers or whatever the fuck they are called. I have also come to realize I'm not too big a fan of Lil Wayne anymore. He is really starting to get on my nerves, and he is one of the WORST live performers I have ever seen. He runs around the stage looking like a cracked out Gremlin someone fed after midnight. Kanye had an "interesting" performa

nce, debuting a new song that contains no rap what so ever. Its very minnimalistic. I'm a big Kanye fan but this one might have to grow on me a bit.

The host was some douchebag from Britian who does not des

erve to have his name mentioned. He looked like a reject from Spinal Tap and was WAY to excited to see the Asshole Brothers pretend to play instruments. I really feel the VMA's basically made Chris Rocks career, and this shit basically killed this guys career. There is no way someone could watch this guy and not utter the term "motherfucker". I also loved how he had to pretend Britney was still so hot. Did you see the pics of her pussy? That shit was literally bleeding old nacho cheese. Wait... What?

MTV used to be hip and a voice for the youth. It used to be somewhat "edgy", and viewed as cool. No one on this planet would consider MTV cool anymore. Now is the perfect time for a new music channel to emerge that is the anti-MTV. It has to bring back that wildness and embrace less mainstream artists and pay a bigger respect to those artist that paved the way......and I'm not talking about Britney fucking Spears.

Speaking of Miley Cyrus this was apparently a big web hoax. I find it to be funny as hell.... and this girl could really use braces....

9.2.08

I see a bunch of auditions when casting for my films.... this is however, the best I have EVER seen. The story is this guy sent in this audition to Stanley Kubrick..... how he was never cast is beyond me. He is obviously insane... probably homeless, schizophrenic, and gay. He delivers a monologue from "The Outsiders" but appears more like he is impersonating someone with torrets. Stay gold Ponyboy.

Ask Sonic

Dear Sonic,

What's Black and White and Red all over?

From,

Little Timmy

SONIC: Michael Jackson's swollen dick after pounding a little boy in the ass?

8.28.08

Who needs a gym? Look at these fucking guys, they are the most jacked mof'ers I have ever seen. I usually do crunches on top of the bust stop with them, but I wasn't featured in this vid for some reason.

NFL PREVIEW - NFC

THE NFC!

Redskins - Good year for everyones favorite schizophrenic Clinton Portis. I am still not sold on Jason Campbell and feel he is not worthy to be a starter in the NFL. They will be a wildcard team.

Cowboys - This team is going to come out of the gate hard looking unstoppable, but then they will fall due to injuries, but still manage to win the NFC East. This team is the real deal and will make it to the Super Bowl...only to lose to the Chargers.

Eagles - Donovan McNabb is DONE. Not only that, but their is hardly a receiving core here. The whole offense is Westbrook and the way they work him, he is definetly going to wind up hurt.

Giants - Oh man... things are not looking to good here. No more Shockey...Osi is out for the year. They will be a wildcard team, but exit out in the first round. No repeat.

Lions - Mediocrity. No defense, a lame QB. Roy Williams is fizzling out but expect Calvin Johnson to have a Pro Bowl year.

Packers - The Favre less Packers. Don't worry Green Bay fans, Aaron Rodgers is the real deal and this is still a very good team. Some of the best recievers in the NFL. There biggest problem is the RB. Ryan Grant is not the answer and just got hot for a little bit last season. They will be in the playoffs.

Vikings - Peterson is the most exciting player in the NFL and if he doesn't get hurt he will be your MVP. This team is good but they will not go anywhere without a good QB and one big name WR. No playoffs this year... draft a QB.

Bears - Speaking of QB's. This team needs a QB badly, and its once great defense is fading. They are going to finish under 500 and be one of the worst teams in the NFC.

Panthers - This team is done too. Steve Smith is out for the first 2 games, and even his value is nothing special anymore. No playoffs and the last year for Delhomme as a starter.

Saints - This team is really really good. One of the most explosive offenses in the NFL and Shockey is going to have a HUGE year with Bress. They are going to make it to the NFC championship and lose to the Cowboys.

Bucanners - Mediocre team. No more Galloway so that hurts them a lot. Garcia wont be able to reproduce his magic this year and they will fail to make the playoffs.

Falcons - Not going to be as bad as you might think. Michael Turner should do pretty good as a starter, he seems like he can take a hit. He wont blow anyone away with his numbers, but he will be somewhat succesful.

Seahawks - Definetly on a big decline, but getting rid of Alexander was a good move. They will somehow manage to make it in the playoffs again, but lose first round.

Arizona Cardinals - This team is falling apart. Leinart is a fucking joke and Kurt Warner is now the starter. Eddgrin James is done, and Boldin wants the hell out of there. Kurt Warner can win them about 4 to 5 games...but thats all.

Rams - Big season for Stephen Jackson and Bulger returns to form. I except a playoff berth for these guys. They are going to surprise a lot of people.

49'ers - No QB and Gore will probably go out for the season at about week 4. No hope for this team. The worst team in the NFC.

8.21.08

Here are some awesome pics of awesome people being awesome.

8.20.08

Men hallucinate after eating fish

Two men got more than they bargained for when they dined on a popular local seafish in Mediterranean restaurants in 2006. The men suffered from "terrifying" visual and auditory hallucinations - seeing and hearing things that weren't really there - after eating the Salema porgy, Sarpa salpa.

The fish had been eating algae containing an indole toxin with similar effects to the recreational drugs LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide) and DMT (dimethyltryptamine) which left the men suffering from a rare case of Hallucinogenic Fish Poisoning or ichthyallyeinotoxism.

Apparently, Sarpa salpa is known to be affected by this algae and was once known as the Dream fish and was even used as a recreational drug in Roman times. The men "tripped" for 36 hours after eating the fish, suffering from various hallucinations and nightmares in the days that followed...

Speak like MJ

I have developed my own language. It is a mixture of broken english and New Owleans jive talk. I have also developed many new word and sayings. I thought I would give you some info on a few so you too can incorporate them into your every day life.

Lameitory - A play on the word dormitory, but this is a house of lame... the residence of lame, where lame lives and resides.

Example: "I thought this was going to be a sick party, but this place is a Lameitory."

Beatrice - A Beatrice is someone who gets on your nerves. It can be either male or female.

Example: "Why are you chilling with that Beatrice?"

Gay Le Douche - A character on the show MXC. It replaces someone's name but is not negative, its a sign of affection.

Example: "Whats up Gay Le Douche?"

"What Are You Prude?" - The response when someone declines a homosexual act.

"This N*gga Ain't Prude" - The response when someone does a homosexual act.

Sunt - The "c" is silent... the ultimate insult.

Douche - I have dropped the word "bag" from the word and say this quite often.

Whoo-aww - The proper way to say whore. It must be overly Italian and delivered like Paulie Walnuts from the Sopranos.

"Worse then a Michael Jackson." - An insult delivered by the Iron Sheik. 

Ellen Degenrate - Someone who is disrespectful.

Example: "Your acting like a real Ellen Degenerate."

Stunt 101 - A fictional college course on flossin and showing off.

Example: Look at this guy driving like he's in Stunt 101.

"He's a fuckin' coward." - The response when someone refuses to do something you ask of them.

Shook Ones Part 2 - When you are afraid... named after the Mob Deep song.

Example: "I went to the haunted house and I was a Shook Ones Part 2.

Balls - A negative way to describe something. Taken from my grandpa.

Example: "This place is balls."

Ascared - The way my grandpa says scared. "I was ascared."

The Scream Machine - a nickname for my penis.

Wimbeldon - A very big event.

Example: "Lets take them to Wimbeldon".

"Its Shark Week on Discovery Channel."- I often refer to myself as a shark, and this means I'm about to feed on whoever is bleeding in the water.

Muckracker - you dont want to be called one of these... also see Fudrucker.

Dont worry... there are a lot more, and I will have an updated list in do time.

8.19.08

Wow....this is awesome...amazing animation.

Man...video games are not for kids anymore at ALL. The only system that is like the systems I grew up with is Nintendo Wii. I remember when I saw someone say "Hell" in a video game and I couldn't believe it. On PS3 and XBOX 360.... every other word is "Fuck". Every game involves a gun or some weapon of some kind and has more blood then an Evil Dead movie. Games are made for late teenagers and people in their early twenties now. Its really odd...even in commercials you see teens playing games, not children. What the hell do kids do now a days? Listen to Hannah Montana?

Ask Sonic

The newest edition of Sonics mailbag. Feel free to send in a question and we will have Sonic answer it in between his court dates.

Dear Sonic,

What do you think of the Olympics?

Jessica

California

SONIC: Fuck the Olympics... I take that back. They got some young shortys doing gymnasiums with thighs like a fucking race horse. A n*gga like me could break his dick off inside that sweet cooch brown all day. I'd eat the corn out they ass...cause a n*gga fuck like he got hydrolics....fuck like a rabbit. I be hittin' switches on bitches fo' sho. And they be young too... like 15. Ho's aint like wine... they don't get better with age. HA HA HA HA!

8.15.08

Something funny I just noticed.... The cable company screwed up or something, so they offered me a month free of Starz! Now this channel is pretty bad ass with a lot of new good movies. However, I find myself not watching it.... or better yet, not allowing myself to watch it. I don't want to be spoiled by it and enjoy it, and then have it taken from me in a months time. Thanks but no thanks Time Warner Cable. This is probably the same reason I have never had a pet besides for a hermit crab.

I feel I definetly get this mentality from my grandpa. He is old school to the core....a self made man by way of his hands. I was working construction for him last summer. I'm working like a dog out in one thousand degree weather, sweating like a Patrick Ewing Game 7 of the Finals. So he comes to pick me up in his car to go to lunch during my break. I get in the car expecting some nice cold air condition, and lo and behold, its actually hotter then outside. I go to turn on the AC and he stops me. "What the hell?" He then explains to me that if i get too comfortable now, it will make me want to work less, and it will make the work that much harder. I didn't question this at all, and totally got it. I implement this in my life now a days. My gramps always used to say to me too, "You hand out with a cripple, you'll start to limp." Thats why I never hang out with cripples.

Kanye West - Champion

8.13.08

Shit. I just kind of figured out this whole "religion" thing. Mount Sinai where Moses "found" the commandments....guess what grew around that area. Yup. Psychedelic mushrooms. See, now doesn't it make a lot sense? They were all tripping balls....no wonder they saw burning bushes and shit.