My Standup

My friend is doing a show at a comedy club and he asked me to write him some jokes since he knows I'm a comedic genius. You know what they say... Some people have a way with words, others not have way.

Heres my first joke...

ME: Knock Knock!

AUDIENCE: Whos There?

ME: An antichrist racist devilish scumbag dictator parasite....

AUDIENCE: A "antichrist racist devilish scumbag dictator parasite" who?

ME: ..... Mike Bloomberg

Then I would break into this...

You know who got them filthy mouths? Them animals be a bunch of foul talking motherfuckers! You think I'm just clowning with you right? You think I'm playin'? Look at the nicknames them animals give to each other.... Jack-Ass, Bastard, Bitch, Pussy..... cat. They be some foul talking motherfuckers.

Then we break into this...

You know what always pissed me off... the fucking Ninja Turtles movies... you tellin me that a 6 foot tall teenager fucking turtle thats also a fucking ninja can throw on a trenchcoat and walk through New York City undetected? What kind of shit is that? I can't even walk into the movies to see "Hannah Montana 3-D" in my trench coat without being taken to jail. Of course I had on nothing underneath it but neither do the ninja turtles.