Native American Quote

"If you take [a copy of] the Christian Bible and put it out in the wind and the rain, soon the paper on which the words are printed will disintegrate and the words will be gone. Our bible IS the wind."

Random Ramblins

- I asked a fellow dude, "How many pounds is your medicine ball?" And then there was awkward silence as I realized that might have been the gayest sentence I ever uttered. I quickly added a "No homo" and resolved the tension.

- How come we park in a drive-way and drive on a parkway? Why is it called a toilet when everyone pisses in the sink?

- I don't know why people get such a hard-on for cold pizza. Call me odd but I like my pizza hot. I also don't get the whole drinking milk with pizza either.

- Where is Womens Rights Group man? Where is the pride woman had a fight for my rights and all that heresay? Women need to seriously fight back against the image being presented of them. They should be angry about being portrayed as whores in music, film, and television. Shouldn't women be protesting girls gone wild? And I know what your thinking, " Oh MJ what the hell?! Are you gay?! Then there wont be anymore party girls!" Fuck girls. Its all about women. The sexy established business women with class is a much better fuck then that drunk Whoreverfeild Monster in the corner of the bar. I want to ravish them completely. I want to devour them to the point of ecstasy. Listen to Mike....

Curling

If you are not watching Olympic Curling then you are missing out on the most suspenseful, intense sport on television right now. The last 4 United States games have all gone to overtime and have all come down to the last shot. The last shot has been performed by the same guy and he has missed it all 4 times. They haven't even been difficult shots. This is the biggest choke job I have ever seen in sports. This guy is seriously going to wind up hanging himself.

Mind Fucking

Dear Diary,

Today I watched Synecdoche, New York by Charlie Kaufman in directorial debut and destroyed my mind. After watching the also awesomely amazing "Doubt", I truly consider Phillip Seymour Hoffman one of the best actors of our time. Anyway back to Synecdoche... it might be the most bizarre movie I have ever seen. It makes David Lynch movies seem to predictable. In the movie the lead is losing his mind and along the way the viewer has no idea how much time has passed or what is real and what's not. This movie honestly made me pause it midway thru and just check my mind and digest everything. The film literally almost pushed me into a delirium. Watching it is similar to taking a hallucinogenic drug. BTW Roger Ebert named this the best film of the decade.

Sincerely Yours,

Jesse Botz

Yelawolf

Here is a link to some of the best hip hop I have heard in a while. It comes from this white Southern rapper named Yelawolf from Alabama. He sorta sounds like a mix between old school Andre 3000 from Outkast, Snoop Dogg, and Lil Wayne. This particular mixtape is called "Stereo" and every beat is an insane sample of a classic rock song. He sorta looks like Travis Barker and he is a skater. Anyway here is the link, I really suggest this... he will probably blow up pretty soon.

YELAWOLF - STEREO

Walrus sucks own dick

Yup... the title is pretty much to the point. thats not even my title, thats from some thespian on the youtube. I thought I was hot shit because I saw a Walrus jerking off... God damn, to tell the masses that story was the reason I started this effing blog. If I saw this my head would of exploded a la Scanners. This is like staring into the eyes of God, or french kissing Jesus. At first I thought this was the Tiger Wood sex tape no homo.

Shocking Deaths

Something I've become fascinated with lately... Killing off the main character of the film about a third of the way thru, switching a secondary to lead and having him finish the film off. Think "Departed" and what they did with Leo. When Leo took a bullet to the head I have not seen a theatre react in such shock before. Those of us knew that the Wahlberg payoff was coming but many thought the film was really going to end on a somber note. Its hit the audience pretty hard, it took a second to get your mind back into the movie... you were really thrown for a loop.

Spoiler ahead.... there's one movie I think might do the surprise better... that would be 'To Live and Die in L.A." It might contain the most memorable death scene ever in a film. The main character (played by the underrated William Petersen) eats a shotgun to the face about a quarter into the film. This is the same person who we have spent the whole film with. The death is not even dramatic or anything. He chases some bad guys and one of them pulls a shotgun out of a locker and blows him to death in real time. Theres no slo-mo and his partner is not even given a chance to mourn as he is thrust into the lead and continues chasing the bad guys. It is so shocking and jarring that it is nearly impossible to watch the rest of the movie. Your in such shock and awe that your brain melts and slides out your ear.

From where I sit, this ranks just slightly above the founder of this.... "Psycho". It starts with this one girl and the film seems like its going to be about crime and thievery and what not and them boom knife in the shower and we are in a "horror" movie and your new main character is Norman Bates...Nothing else to add really, just think that its really cool when done correctly.

The Room - "Oh Hi" compilation

I have not laughed this hard in a LONG time.

The Room - How Johnny Met Lisa

What is the interesting part?

Acting at its finest

Masterfullistic. That best describes it. The guy with the long black hair is the writer/director/ and best actor.

THE HUMANITY!

Oh the humanity!!!!!! The snow is coming! The blizzard! "In the new this evening... FUCKING BLIZZARD!" Panic. Hysteria. 24 hour coverage of the storm. Lock yourself in the house, get the rations, drug your children to sleep so they wont have to witness this. Shut down the trains and buses.... have armed soldiers on every corner.

Right now Im sitting in my basement popping Xanex (to call my nerves) from a Pez dispenser surrounded by jugs of water while tightly gripping my sawed off shotgun.

From the news coverage I wasn't sure if it was going to snow or Godzilla was going to emerge from the Atlantic Ocean and pop a squat in Central Park. First I got the terrorists, the swine flu, and now I've got to deal with this shit.

Greatest Innovation of Our Times

Evolution... from ape to man... from old Heinz packet to this...

Why didn't I think of this? Why didn't anybody think of this. Who the fuck enjoyed squirting ketchup packets. Them shits probably caused more stains then leaky assholes. But this here.. Wow. It is now possible to actually eat fries with ketchup while driving. No longer does one have to scoop up ketchup off a napkin or ripped up paper bag or whatever the hell else one would use. I have not been this impressed with something until I first played Wii Sports. I can't believe it took this long for someone to make this innovation.... FUCK! If I would've invented this god damn thing I could've took Heinz down. I would have sold it to Herrs and changed the game. FUCK!

Crazy Products

Look at these products... These are real products. First off we have the "Dog Creeper Window". Your dog can be a creeper as he peers into your neighbors yard with his fucking space helmet looking thing. Can you imagine seeing that thing pop up when your trying to smoke a joint in your yard? What neighbor would agree and allow you to put this in? I think even Mr.Rogers would object. But up next it gets even better....

What the hell?! As many of you know I'm an avid hiker and I camp out in the most rugged and dangerous of climates. I use a regular sleeping bag. I give my friends shit for using the "coffin" style sleeping bag. That is basically the same but your legs are locked in. This is a "Walking Mummy" sleeping bag. If I saw this walking towards me late at night in the woods I would probably shoot at it. When you go in a "sleeping" bag why the fuck do you need to walk around? Aren't you looking to sleep?

ESPN spoils the Super Bowl

That was on ESPN... Spoilerz!!!!11!!!! But I will now post my official Super Bowl prediction. I am usually very accurate, being off by a few points. I hear some people actually bet on these games.. so if you were to bet, not saying you should, but if you were to bet....you can rely on this prediction.

The Saints will lose. Peyton Manning will shred thru that defense. The Jets defense was better then the Saints and look at what the greatest QB of all time did to them. So here it is...

COLTS 34

SAINTS 28

Max Graham - Owner Of A Lonely Heart

I've always liked this Yes song... it is pure unadulterated 80's awesomeness and this remix does it pretty good justice. This video is also pretty bad ass and funny. Its like a ode to being a childhood pervert. It also looks like one of my casting auditions... Ha ha ... I wish... my casting audition did not look this but i was sitting behind a desk wearing a suit ding my best Simon Cowell impression.

Demon Tiger

They had one of Tiger Woods 'hoe's" on TV to talk about how "evil" he is. Look at that picture they put up behind her. Tiger looks like some sort of crazed child molesting demon. My god is that pic scary. "HEEEEEERE'S TIGER!"

Lenny Kravitz filthy mouth

I was just listening to Lenny Kravitz (what?! I like the guy) and he has a line in a song called "Black Velveteen" I never could quite make out. The song is about some kind of sex robot in the future that is the best lay of all time... you know, typical Kravitz shit. Anyway the name of this robot is "Black Velveteen' and in the song Lenny is describing her. Sidenote: Lenny Kravitz is probably the worst lyricist of all time. His lyrics sound like they were written by a brain dead Dr.Seuss. Every one of his rhymes ends with the simplest of combos... "sky to high" "bye to fly" stuff like that. Anyway as part of the chorus of this song I could've sworn Lenny was saying the word "cunt". I don't think I ever heard the word "cunt" muttered in a song before. It is like the only curse word left with some venom. So after doing some research here is the actual lyric:

Black velveteen's cunt smells like strawberry kittens

Wow... Genius.

Tiger Woods

Found this article on Tiger Woods. Thought it was interesting. While reading it occasionally glance up at the photo above... This is from one of his lovers.

“Tiger’s sexual fantasies were not normal.
“He likes role playing, he likes to be the guy in control and wearing a suit while there are girls performing girl-on-girl and guys entertaining guys.
“By that, I mean they would dance for each other like girls would do for a man.
“He’d have different girls all the time, entertaining, role play, fetishes, stuff like that. But he would only watch.”
“He would engage in sex from 9pm until the sun came up - he wasn’t a healthy guy.
“He couldn’t sleep and would stay up all night. I am not sure rehab will help him.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised by anything. He had male friends, and I am sure they got involved.”

Oh. He LOVES sex. He loves just watching it.... from dusk till dawn... and he LOVES wearing suits... its not even about women... he just loves sex.

Great Quotes

"Its okay tho because its not like a thin line between love and hate... boy when them boys sing that song back in the days I never knew what the hell that mean, I still dont know what it mean... But I know that its a thin line between love and hate...And I know that damn well we are some partyin' motherfuckers."

- Ol' Dirty Bastard

Pants On The Ground American Idol

Why didn't someone show me or tell me about this earlier?! This is genius! I bet you that Simon Cowell signed to a contract as soon as he left the room

Random Ramblins

-Whats up ho's and hoettes? I've been using the term, 'Ho fo' sho'!" lately more then any white male should.

-Jersey Shore 2 is announced but wont take place at the Jersey Shore? Huh? We have a situation here. I say put them in Compton... or AMISH TOWN!!! Everyone knows the Amish equal ratings. It will be so crazy cause the Amish are like old fashioned and the "Guidos" are so not like them!!!!!!!!1!!!!!1! Its is effin craaazey. I should work for MTV with ideas like this. Give me a call Viacom!

- I turn to my daily New York Post (reading another paper would be uncivilized) and I see the Giant Obese Humongous Slobbish Rex Ryan giving me the middle finger. It is insane how well Sexy Rexy fits with the New York Jets. He was tailored made for this franchise. You can picture him chugging a beer funnel while molesting a plate of hot wings. I like using serious words inappropriately. The other day while failing miserably at my Italian final I said to my friend, "I am literally raping this test.

- Speaking another language is not for me. I can barely speak English. i have probably the worst memory of all time. Take that back... I can only remember incidents I find funny. I can not remember things like names, dates, and numbers to save my life. Literally. I am dead now... I lost my life because i could not remember when Columbus sailed the blue. Apparently it wasn't 1992.

- Hey did you see the Grammys last night?! Neither did I.

- Ive been obsessed lately with getting stoned and eating Wendy's salads. Your munching out but your doing it the healthy way.

- Who decided that blue was manly and pink was girly? You ever think of shit like this? You should.

- Why do all homeless schizophrenics think that they are being watched by the government, and that agents put microchips in them. Speaking of schizo's my cousin who is a priest said an interesting thing.... he sometimes wonders if all these schizos that apparently see the devil actually see the devil What if the devil picks on these weak that no one will believe.

- I feel bad for male ladybugs.