Big Dick is Back in Town

I am officially old....

Some Youtube Vlogger (A term I am unsure of) got in trouble for showing a hanging Japanese man in the Suicide Forest (What did he expect? I think the fucking name gives it away... it would be like naming "The Departed" -"Dicaprio catches a bullet in the head" and being surprised by it.

I checked this guys Youtube page and he has 300 million views for very poorly done rap parodies. I'm busting my ass making short films and getting 200 views if I'm lucky. I officially don't understand this new generation. They watch videos of people playing video games and commenting on them, What kind of shit is that? These D-Bag children have gotten too lazy to even push buttons on a controller. Its sickening but I think we need a N.Korea "Fatman"... at least 9/11 shook my ass up to reality.

Also these Youtube Vloggers edit there videos in such a way were they cut out every breath they take... so it is just continuous talking. You little ADD cocksuckas... I played "Final Fantasy 7" for 80 hours and had to READ all the character dialogue. None of these new generational fucks could perform such a feat. And if I'm a "Millennial" what the hell is the term for them?I say we just go with "Cocksuckas".

And I know it comes with age that you hate new music but this new shit is fucking horrible. These rappers are mumbling and talking about "kissing white boys since I was 14". If any rapper said that in the 90's he would be shot. As a child I got "DMX   - It's Dark and Hell is Hot". It had the line, "I got blood on my dick cause I fucked a corpse"..... Prison worthy today.

And god forbid you hit on a woman.... your the next Harvey Weinstein. I'm not saying hes a innocent good guy but this is turning in to a witch hunt against Straight Males. If JFK and Sinatra were alive today they would be getting life sentences. When did this society get so fucking PC? It's sickening.

I am sick of biting my tongue to try not to offend.... Big Dick is Back in Town

(EDIT: Wow, Ive been angry.. this is a venomous post)

"I, Tonya" Review

I've been hearing a ton about this movie.... mostly praise. Even Oscar talk for Margot Robbie. She is great in the role... proving to be more then a pretty face and blonde bombshell, she has range.

My problem with this film is the script. It's a dark comedy and most of the jokes fall flat or rely simply on profanity. Even the forbidden word, "cunt", gets thrown around so much it loses any impact. Tonya's Mother seems like a character whose dialogue solely consists of various curses to try and shock the audience.

The biggest flaw with this movie is every single character is despicable. They have no redeeming qualities.... they start off as pieces of shit and end as pieces of shit. They try to make Tonya sympathetic mostly by showing her get physically assaulted. It is impactful the first time but after seeing her get hit for the ninth time you become desensitized.  

I remember this incident playing out in real time. The thing I found the most interesting was the contrast between Tonya Harding (white trash, tough upbringing) and Nancy Kerrigan (americas princess, Snow White). This dichotomy to me was the most interesting part of this whole debacle. It was disappointing that Kerrigan appears for about 5 minutes total in the whole film.

They also break the fourth wall a ton in this movie and speak directly to the audience. It kind of feel very Scorsese-ish.... "Wolf of Wall Street" even. I don't feel it worked.

I will give this film a 1.5 out of 4 stars.... very disappointing. 

What If Satan was the Good Guy?

What if Lucifer was actually the good guy in this story? Think about it. We only know one side of the story... God and his followers side. What if the Bible was just one big smear campaign where they call him "the devil" "satin" and my personal fave, "Beelzebub". 

Picture this scenario.... God has just failed with his "Dinoasuar Project", wiped them out and is feeling pretty down. There are rumblings among the angels about the bossmans ineptitude but no one dare say anything. So he makes Humans and besides for the Eve/apple thing its a roaring success. Now he gets cocky... tyranical. Turning people to stone, messing with Jebs life, acting like every other power hungry ruler weve seen in history.

So you got this angel Lucifer. Who is basically the first rebel in history. Hes the only one woth the balls to stand up to God and say, "Your being a dick." Then God is all like, "Your just jealous. Get the fuck outta here." Then banishes him from heaven and basically shits on his name at any chance he gets. Shortly after this the moody, unpredictable good wipes out all the humans with a flood... because why the fuck not, hes basically playing "Sims" with us.

Just a random thought I had.

Parent's Just Don't Know Shit....

(Pictured: Not My Parents)

Your Parents really didn't know what the fuck they were doing (especially for first childs)

When your young you think your parents have their shit together. They are your personal "Yodas" who know every solution. For future generations these people who answers all your questions, and explain the "The Birds and Bees" would be called "GOOGLE".  Brazzers can show you in vivid detail how babies are made... Doggy Style, Human Style, Mushroom Toad Style... whatever's your fetish bruh!

Bottom line is your parent's didn't know dick from balls. It was all trial by fire. Maybe by the third one they were semi-decent parents. I'm 32 (Although I pass for a handsome 19 year old when I shave) and I wouldn't know the first thing to do with another human life... especially one that can't talk, walk, or contribute to bill payments.

It's insane when I think of some of my friends in charge of another human life... I wouldn't trust them pumping my gas let alone raising a child.

I know my dad, and heard stories of him when he was younger around the time I was born.. Its a miracle I am physically here... Mentally I'm not but I guess we can't have both.

If your wondering WTF?! That pic up above is it's from one of our new sketches you can check out right here:

Mean Cugines - InstaThot

The Good Ol' 90's

Oh how I love the 90's... when NY was gritty... before it was neutered by this spader Guilliani and lost its balls. Before the hipsters... the outrageous rents.. the lack of crime to keep people in check.

Lets jump back shall we..... You knew every location, bodega, park. You knew what to avoid and and where would get you jumped. Just the slight ragging of someone else's graffiti would catch you a beatdown. It might sound dangerous but EVERY child was out and apart of it.... the streets were alive.... Football, Stickball, Manhunt, Basketball, and Baseball.... even a early form of "MMA" we associated with professional wrestling where we beat the hell out of each other to submission.

You knew every drug dealer in town because they drove the most suped-up cars. The loudest sound system that was basically just a woofer...so when Ludacris, "Southern Hospitality" played it would rumble the street blocks like an earthquake. The absolute first thing you did when buying a car was to limo tint the rims or if you were relally big pimpin throw some mirror tints on that beyotch.

I miss this.... I miss playing basketball with my best friends. Stopping to sip on a Old E 40 and blasting "Return Of The Mack" off a cassette. Sitting wondering if Starks and Ewing could ever win the championship and if Stone Cold would finally get to Vince McMahon on Monday Night.

Not worrying about who had beef with who or who was trying fuck such and such's girl. It was a simpler time. We weren't shackled and constrained by technology. The most we had were beepers, which were widely ignored. (Who wanted to walk to a pay phone, and who carried spare change)

Our Knicks never won that championship... a vital game interrupted for coverage of the "OJ Simpson Chase"... A sign of the times I guess... I miss it every day.... Discovering the Biggie Track "Notorious Thugs" and playing it 37 ties in a row. Its sad you never knew the date of the last time that all happened... the last time you all hang out on the block... Life happened.

Now I know why older people are so fond of memories.

I'm Back Beatrices!

Jesus H. Christ! My last post was in 2010 and it was about Brett Favre showing his penis sexting.
You know how much more important shit has happened since then? A BLACK guy became president... and then the next president was a WOMAN! Just kidding... she lost to a egomaniac sociopathic Reality TV Star... Thats right... Mike "The Situation" is now our President.

What else.... Oh yeah everyone in Hollywood is a sexual deviant. Apparently masterbating in front of unwilling women is the new cool thing to do.... it has replaced "planking", "the ice bucket challenge" and that "mannequin" bullshit.

Oh get this too... Bruce Jenner is now a woman! And he was even named "Woman Of The Year" when basically all he/she did was chop of his peeshadeel (spellcheck that one motherfucker!)

The world is basically fucked... We got these guys called ISIS... I'm not a fan. Also these Koreans are no good. Not the Southern Koreans who do my dry cleaning... Im talking about the ones to the North. Oh no I'm racising again... thats not really cool in todays PC age. Being a straight white male is basically the WORST thing you can be.

I've been making "comedic" videos on this thing called Jewtube... The only PC thing about me is my Compaq Presario. They border on smut/scat porn.... Be sure to check them out.

www.youtube.com/pitstopent

Sick Day

I love being sick! Sleep all day, do nothing, watch movies, take Nyquil, what else can a man want? Today I watched "Predators", "Bugsy", and "Diary of Anne Frank" in that order. No BS. I don't know what the method to my madness was but I really enjoyed al three.

One more thing. The Entertainment Industry labels most stoners as video game players. This is not true. Games are WAY too complex now a days for stoners.. were not talking fucking "Dr.Mario" here anymore These games now are like actually being dropped in Afghanistan and fighting in a war. When your mad high do you really want to fight in a war? Nope. Think of the biggest potheads you know and see if they play video games? Nope. They are watching dumb reality television, or Adam Sandler movies. No one has EVER watched "Dog The Bounty Hunter" while not on drugs. These shows simply are not enjoyable with a sober mind.

The South

Have money on the Cowboys (I'm a dumbass) and I'm sitting here watching them get their asses kicked. One of my favorite things to do is go to a teams official forums when something really bad happens to that team. (But I don't do it for teams when something good happens... odd) For instance, the Cavaliers forum when Lebron announced he was going to the Heat. So anyway I just went to the Cowboys forum and found this gem. This comes from the user "trout31":

Film 101

My advice to aspiring filmmakers...

1. Ask yourself this question right now... am I crazy? If the answer is "no" then quit right now. No interesting film is coming to come from your being. Think of all your favorite actors and directors? Are they not batshit insane? Al Pacino and Nicholson seem like their all there? Part of the reason you want to do films is because you are crazy, as soon as you are able to come to terms with this you'll be better at your craft.

2. Get out of the classroom. Now of course you need some schooling but there's no better way to get out there with a camera and start making films. Low budgets pieces of shit. There are certain mistakes rookie filmmakers will make their first couple of times.... I guarantee it. There are simply just too many things that can fuck up on a film. No WAY you are going to get everything right.

3. Watch Classic and Foreign Films. If the only films you like and know are from the U.S. 2000-to present, you are going to make shit. Simply put. I'm not saying to be a film historian, but open your horizons a bit. And watch a lot of foreign films. Why? Because most American films copy from other countries. Other countries are ahead of us in technique and just about every other way possible when it comes to cinema. American cinema is being ruined by greed. Watch something cool from some foreign film.... modify it, dumb it.... then profit.

Today on the train....

Today on the train I saw a tiny Korean woman. Thats it. End of Story. Lol that would be a great story. Anyway, I saw a tiny Korean woman on the train and she was wearing a polo shirt. No ordinary polo shirt. On the pocket of the shirt was Taz (Looney Tunes) and written underneath it said "I Don't Give A Fuck!". I found this to be hilarious. What made her buy this shirt? I could just picture her yelling out on the train with a heavy Korean accent, "I Don't Give A Fuck!" I would guarantee this shirt was not an officially licensed Looney Tunes product... a counterfeit one might say... but do you think she gives a fuck? She don't give a fuck. She making sure the world knows.

This guy is awesome

Things that Piss Me Off...

You know when you go on some sites and they make you do the Age Verification thing... like not even porn, like some stupid online video where someone curses. What the fuck is the point of this?! Who wastes their actual time and clicks thru to find their actual birth date? I click thru it as fast as humanly possible and have never not been born 1900's.... I am literally 110 years old. What kid is going to see this and not lie to be over 18? Who is this gonna stop? If your child is looking for bad shit online and is foiled by this verification, then he is a moron. You should hope that your child has the sense to get around it.

EAT DA POO POO

One of the greatest things i have ever seen

Wow.

I don't know what the hell this guy is running for but he has my vote. This guy is like the god damn Ultimate Warrior having a roid rage. It's like he is imitating Mel Gibson from those phone calls.

Keepin It Gangsta

I Am Old...

I was waiting on line in Staples and overheard a pair of parents and they're daughters talking about the first day of high school. (I guess highschool just started) This one pudgy girl is rambling on about all these new rules, which of her friends she didn't have class with, what teachers she didn't like, how the teachers are too hard and - SHUT THE FUCK UP! I look at the counter wheres there's packs upon packs of those ridiculous "Krazy Bands" rubber bands or whatever the hell they are called. Oh Wow... spell them with a "K". Thats really upping the crazy! Then I look over to a wall of "Twilight" school folders. At this exact moment in my mind I uttered, "I hate teenagers." Today was the day I realized I am an old ass man.

...Piss Me Off

Did you ever wonder what medieval fighting really looked like? I'm watching Centurion right now and it is probably the most violent movie I have ever seen. It's like a more realistic "300". And theres that word, "realistic". Are these ultra fast, high body count, sword mastery, fights and actual depiction... are they truly realistic? Not every one of these soldiers was a master swordsmen who could move about in slow motion. Some of them had to be real kluntz who were wearing armor that was way too heavy for them and swinging a sword that was also too heavy. I could imagine two out of shape guys essentially wearing trash cans around their waists clunking crudely forged swords across their chests. And finally one awkwardly falls over and the other guy walks over and cuts his throat. Thats what "realistic" is. There was no jumping about in slow motion and doing spinning sword slash combos.

Weirdest person I have ever seen