Google Yourself

What do you get when you "Google Image Search" yourself?

Tha Metz

Watching Kate Hudson on "Inside the Actors Studio". She is pretty cool... her "dad" is friggin Kurt Russell. Kurt Russell is the man. Heres something I found pretty funny which I bet you didn't know. Kate used to date world renowned super villian of the New York Yankees, A-Fraud, A-Roid, Gay-Rod, Alex-Never Be Jeter-Rodriguez. Anyway she has a brother named "Boston". Isn't that ironic. The 2 main reasons the Yankees won the World Series is because of Kate Hudson and Matsui, and now they are both gone. I hear the Mets are going to be really good this year. Actually I didn't fucking hear that. I heard they are going to fucking suck. They should change their name to "Tha Metz" and embrace a new urban "thug" image. You might beat them but they are going to fight you... maybe shank you.

Nightmare Factory

Actors

Acting with James Franco Episode 2: "Green Screen" from James Franco

There are 2 actors I think are poised to break out and have Oscar worthy performances. One is James Franco and the other is Mos Def. Both have an undeniable charisma and seem to take their craft very seriously. I remember reading a Franco interview where he was cast in Freaks and Geeks and how he prepared for the role. He traveled across country to the writers old high school and spent a couple of days there. The weird thing is none of this was known or even suggested by the writer. Right now he's doing soap operas on "General Hospital". Why? No one knows for certain. There's a rumor its for some film project but he claims its just for the experience. Supposedly someone said soap-operas are really hard to do and he decided to try it... Oh and his character is named Franco.. real original.

As for Mos Def he is just an awesome character actor. If given the right role I feel he will impress a LOT of people. I get a Jamie Foxx vibe from him and he just needs that "Ray" role to really break out. I would invest in either one of these guys.

DJ Pauly D

HA HA HA HA! So I wanted to see if this DJ Pauly D from "Jersey Shore" was an actual DJ and found this video online. He is the WORST DJ I have ever heard and has no sense of sound whats so ever. Is this is DJ'ing then apparently when I'm drunk playing with a soundboard... I'm DJ'ing. I'm saying this kid really knows what he's doing and is a comedic genius or he really is this fucking dumb.

Pauly D

This kid is a comedic genius and he doesn't even know it.

Textin Tiger

So apparently Tiger Woods text messaged one of his hoes the line, "You are wrong I'm Bone Thugs in Harmon." Huh? Is Tiger a big Bone Thugs -N- Harmony fan, and did he purposely spell it wrong to make himself seem more Asian. Reading his texts Tiger seems to have a problem with being black. Here are some of his best texts...

Tiger: what kind of present your naked body

Tiger: now that's hot so who is your new boy toy

Tiger: I will wear you out soon

Tiger: quiet and secretively we will always be together

Tiger: when was the last time you got laid (NOTE: I hate when Tiger randomly texts me this)

Jaimee: very true ... I only watch football

Tiger: Figured you would say that. Big black guys.

Jaimee: u are my first, last and only black guy! U should feel special

Tiger: why do I not believe that?

Tiger: don't text me back till tomorrow morning. I have to many people around me right now

Tiger: send me something very naughty (NOTE: I hate when he sends me this too)

Tiger: go to the bathroom and take it

Tiger: Because I'm blasian :)

Russell Grant

Well I know what I'm getting for Christmas... Not that I own a Nintendo DS but that doesn't mean I cant support my favorite Astrologist Russell Grant.

Media Paper

So I take some sort of Media course. I've probably been to it twice this whole semester and have no idea what the course even covers. I haven't bought the textbooks yet even though tomorrow is my last day of class. So I had to write this 10 page paper on God knows what and I just made up a whole lot of Crazy and spewed it onto some paper. If this class was called "Incoherent Schizophrenic Ramblings" I would probably get an A. Here is my intro and outro like a rap CD. I'm particularly proud of my outro. The paper is titled, "A.D.D. U.S.A"

P.S. I dont believe in proofreading or spell check. You either know it or blow it.

INTRO:

You see it everywhere you look. Americans walking in a hypnotic state with eyes locked on their cell phones. People walking down the street yelling at nothing with a blue-tooth device in their ear. Someone struggling to steer their car, barely staying in their lane, while trying to text message the very important and urgent question of, “Wat R U Doing 2Nite?” People spending hours upon hours watching a man getting hit in the testicals on Youtube. A kid who’s day mostly consists of shooting people to death in his favorite video game; and the rest is spent watching people getting shot on the television. What is technology doing to this country? Between the television and the internet, most children are exposed to just about everything by the age of 14. There is no more need for the “The Birds & The Bees” talk, when the child has already probably seen “The Girl & The 4 Guys”. What long term effect is all this having on our psyches? It physically has also effected us as America is the most obese nation with exercise and activity at an all time low. How has this advancement in technology effected the way people form relationships and interact with other humans. Has it de-humanized us? Has it negatively effected our attention spans, diagnosing America with A.D.D.? In this paper I will examine these topics and really examine what technology is doing to this country. Besides for all the positives that come with it, what are the negatives?

OUTRO:

So has technology led this country to be a bunch of obese, lazy, violent, A-D-D infected, ignorant, perverts? Some might say yes. Others might say it has expanded our life spans, helped our communication, and provided us with a vast wealth of knowledge. I feel the key is to find a good middle ground in your use of technology and the media. Don’t let your world be consumed by gizmos and gadgets and other words starting with “G” that mean the same. Don’t forget that you are human and humans need interaction with each other. Maybe instead of listening to your iPod or checking e-mails on your blackberry, strike up a conversation with that stranger sitting next to you on the bus. They usually don’t bite. Don’t forget to live in the here and the now. Live in a world of mountains, tree’s, and blue skies… not a world of wires, controllers, and blue tooth’s.

Back to the Future Part III

Ha Ha what a pervert.. watch the whole thing.

Pineapple Express

"Pineapple Express" is the best stoner movie I have ever seen. It is the most realistic depiction of people getting blazed ever put on film. They don't smoke and then see cats flying out the window and hallucinate. They smoke and become lazy, hungry, and paranoid. For some reason I had low expectations for this film but found it be genius. It had these guys performing action movie stunts the way they would look if they really happened in real life. Extraordinary things happening in very ordinary ways which made it genius. Danny McBride is awesome in it and has basically become the new cooler version of Will Ferrell. And James Franco should have been nominated for best supporting actor for his performance. Very impressed with this film.

YTMND

Here are some really good new YTMND's...

TRANSMISSION BLOCKED

TONY KIDS

RODDY PIPER CHRISTMAS

ZOMBIES

COSBY

THIS OR THAT

Yahoo Ad

What the hell is this Yahoo Ad?! Steroided MC Hammer on a skateboard? Master of the Digital Universe? What in the bluest of blue hells?! Take Charge?! What is this an ad for? Who saw this ad and said, "Its good but I think you should really photoshop a skateboard by his feet.. that will really get across that he's the Master of the Digital Universe."

HAPPEY BIRTHDAY JASON!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!1!!

Fixing The N.B.A

How to Improve the National Basketball Association.

By Michael Scott Thomas Johnston

Dear Commishioner Mr. David Stern. This is my theory to enhance professional basketball in the United States.....

We add the point system from Hockey.

A win in regulation equals 2 points

A win in Overtime equals 2 points

A loss in regulation equals 1 point

A loss in Overtime equals 1 point

Now we add something unique.

Any team that wins by 40 points gets 1 point added to their win bonus

Any team that loses by 40 gets 1 point taken away from their current wins

MY NOTES:

- I dont know if 40 is the right amount (too high) but i think this would spice things up. Games that are blowouts now become watchable and this might force coaches to leave starters in more to get to that 40 point win.

- You would get teams playing harder and not allowing a blowout in fear of losing a point.

- Imagine like playoff time and The Heat are just out of contension by 3 points and they are playing the T'Wolves. DWade is going to go out there not just too win but to completely dominate and decimate this team. Didn't this new rule just make a game you otherwise would not watch into something VERY interesting. Dwayne Wade and the Heat are playing the TWolves and in order to get into the playoffs not only must they win, but they have to win by more then 40. Tell me you dont want to see DWade go crazy on some crappy team just trying to destroy and humiliate them.

EDITORS NOTE: Can someone send this to David Stern for me?

STAR WARS NEW ERA CAPS

Check these out... They are incredibly well made but I wouldn't dare wear one in public. If I was a big Star Wars fan maybe I would cop the Chewbacca one... I take that back.. I would definitely rock the Yoda one out and about.. The R2-D2 hat looks like something you would see that creepy-guy-who-just-watches-the kids-in-the-playground-for-hours-wear. I want to see George Lucas wearing the Jabba the Hutt one. It would look like he's wearing a hat of a shaved himself.

Untitled

-I have two new pet lizards and I would love to tell you their names but I'm sure it would offend some fragile folk out there. One is named after a racial slur for the Chinese and the other is named after a very well known terrorist. I kid... I change their names every day. One is big and one is tiny. Yesterday they were "Christopher Wallace" and "Sean Combs". Today they were "That Fat Kardashian" and "Lamar Odom".

-I think the title of the film "Marley and Me" is very misleading. I went into watching it thinking it was a movie about smoking pot with Bob Marley.

-It wouldn't surprise me if the Super Bowl turned out to be the Chargers vs. Packers. I could see Chargers taking it all if no one gets injured.

- I might have seen my new favorite movie of all time last nite... I will write a review of it soon. it really mind fucked me. My top films are probably "Cool Hand Luke", "Rocky", "Raging Bull", and now this film. This film is only good, nothing bad or ugly about it.

BTW: There are secrets on this blog... for instance, go click on the skull logo on the upper right hand... there are more secrets...shhhhh...

Random Ramblins

I am officially sick of Tiger Woods and his FUCKING. Didn't some guy named Michael Jackson die not too long ago? Can't we talk about him again? At least he was a charismatic enigma of epic proportions. Tiger Woods is seriously one of the most boring people on the planet. I like to think when he opens his closet its like a Pee Wee Herman, just the same outfit a thousand times. Nike hat, golf shirt, and slacks. I remember seeing him at a Lakers game and he was dressed exactly the same as when he is on the course. Heres a spoiler.... Black athletes FUCK white women. Its been this way for years and always will be. Go smell Charles Barkleys dick and you will probably recognize your mothers scent.

I saw the Tim Burton exhibit at the MoMa. It was awesome. I don't know if Burton was a user of hallucinogenic drugs but I would assume his mind was "expanded". His movies for me are pretty hit and miss, with all being visually awesome. Ed Wood, Beetlejuice, Scissorhands are classics. People forget that Burton started with Disney.

Does anyone remember the show "Amazing Stories". It was produced by Steven Spielberg and he directed a few episodes. Its basically the "Twilight Zone". I forgot how amazing these stories were, and am just watching the season on Netflix.

Todays Google image (top of this post) might be favorite one of all time... so far. Ch-Ch-Check it out!

SeXy DaNcE PaRtY

Would you fuck me?! I'd fuck me.

J-E-T-S!

Jets QB Mark Sanchez

Welcome to the Thunderdome! Just got back from the Jets game a.k.a land of the ugly and bizarre. I haven't seen a group of misfits like this since my last Mets game. I see now why most Met fans are also Jet fans. Lets get to some of the fun stuff...

There were two guys sitting in front of us that I swear had to have been homeless. They were also the greatest comedic pair since Laurel and Hardy and reminded me a lot of the two main characters from "Of Mice and Men". One would ask dumb questions and had a childlike innocence while the other would grow increasingly angry and curse him. At first I could not stand the sight of them... they wore rags, looked like they had not showered in weeks, had rotten black teeth, and ate stinky tuna fish sandwiches getting tuna all over the clothes and faces. I was literally disgusted by them. The dumber one would ask increasingly dumb questions and statements about the game while holding a transistor radio from the 80's to his ear.

"Thats a 50 field Field Goal right there!"

"The home team wears white?" (Midway thru the game)

"I think Mark Sanchez broke his kneecap... but he will be alright."

"Is this what it looks like on your T.V.?"

At one point he got very excite and rose to his feet and turned around to us. It was at this time he lead the worst chant in the history of sport.

"J-E-T-S!"

He yelled and just as the crowd was about to respond with a big "Jets!" Which is the norm... he yelled.

"What does that spell?!"

And the crowd went dead silent. I said to my friends this was not a chant but rather a serious question. The worst part of this all is while he yelled massive amounts of tuna came flying out of his mouth and onto my being. While he was standing his friend was yelling "Sit down you jackass!" As soon as he sat down the Jets fumbled the ball. His friend responded...

"You jinxey mother fucker! You jinxed them!"

Observing them further I began to respect their friendship and the wide eyed innocence of the dumber one. His friend revealed it was his first game and you could tell he was as excited as someone could be. I also started to get the feeling he might have been mildly retarded. Overall they were cool guys and I'm glad they got to see a win.

Giving Thanks

We all know Thanksgiving is the holiday of rape. The rape of the Native Americans of their land, women, and food. But its also about giving thanks. It is a time to reflect on what we are thankful for. What am I thankful for?

I'm thankful for uniqueness and bizarreness. I love the fact I know real life characters whose antics could not be written by the greatest novelist. Whose actions defy and logic or sensibility. I'm thankful for torrent websites. Website that have allowed me to have 6,000 songs on my laptop. I'm thankful for DVR and Netflix. I'm thankful for the 5-5-5 Deal at Dominoes. I'm thankful for Peyton Manning commercials. I'm thankful for that image I found up above... that was in the Google Image Search when I typed in "Thanksgiving Rape". I'm thankful for still having never seen the new Indian Jones. I'm thankful for the people who are still alive that should have been long dead due to their reckless lifestyles. I'm thankful for things that ruin sobriety and expand the mind. I'm not thankful for sobriety or the New York Mets. I'm thankful for side boob. I'm thankful for the music Jacko left us. I'm thankful that I will be able to say I witnessed the end of the world in 2012.

Dock Ellis best thing ever

This is a true story and real audio of Dock Ellis from a radio show. This is one of the most brilliant, creative, and genius things I have ever seen on the internet. The talent that went into this is incredible.

Tiny

A picture of my new dog.... we call him "Tiny". See its a little something called irony and everyone knows irony equals hilarity. When you hear Tiny you think this little dog is going to pop out but then its actually huge! HA HA HA HA HA HA! FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!

Filthy Barney

FAIL's

Dwyane Wade

This is who I want to come to the knicks... screw Lebron

NOW DIE!

I saw this today and couldn't believe it. " Welcome to NY... NOW DIE!" We gonna send them terrorist fiends right to hell....HELL I tell you! I can picture the trial as the judge orders out the sentence... "You have been sentenced to death and then your going to hell....NOW DIE!"

Resident Evil

http://tr.im/retdc

Check out that link... its a trailer for some new Resident Evil game. Its nothing special at first but then things start happening that made me question my sanity. I haven't seen anything like this done on a computer before. I honestly felt like I was hallucinating.

Chimps Galore!

"Our TMZ reporters snapped this shot of Ving Rhames as he was leaving a gym in LA. You can tell he is obviously tired from his long strenuous work-out. No Racist." - TMZ.com

AWWW WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!?!

Well hello there sexy. This is a picture of a girl I hooked up with at the bar when I was trashed last night. I just checked her facebook and found out she wasn't as hot as I originally thought.

Just kidding... that is the victim of the Manzee! That chimpanzee ripped off her jaw, her nose, and her eyes.... he basically made that bitch his own personable Mrs. Potato Head. That damned dirty ape! Ah, Damn You! God Damn You all to hell! She spoke for the first time today on Oprah and was hidden under a veil... When Oprah finally unlifted the veil she uttered "fuck me!" and censors completely understood. Since I basically book my trip to hell with this post I might as well go for it all. This bitch looks like she went on Extreme Makeover and asked to be made to look like the Muppet Janice...

Hey ya! That muppet also looks a lot like Daisy from that Bret Michaels show. Come to think of it,I know a lot of whores who like that muppet and I bet you do to....

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Staple Gun

Had a crazy dream... I got into a fight with some thug and somehow a staple gun got involved. He got some shots in on me but it ended when I stapled his face 6 times. I then went to the hospital to get staples removed from my arm while having an akward conversation with the doctor. This dream got me to thinking... Why havent ive seen this in a horror film yet? What is worse then picking fucking staples out of your face. I remember this wrestler New Jack who would staple dollar bills to opponents foreheads... He was awesome.

Centaur

Walken on the moon

This is a painting of Walken building Optimus Prime. Its no A-Rod Centaur but its pretty good.

GREATEST THING EVER!!!!!!1!!1!!!!!!

Ok this is from the New York Post and is the single greatest thing I will ever post on this blog. I swear to God this is too good and random to be made up. This is how you can tell if something is the truth... if it is so outrageous that no rational mind could possibly conceive it, then it most likely is not fiction. The truth is often a lot stranger then fiction. So without further ado... drum roll please...

A-Rod -- half man, half horse's behind. The Yankees slugger is reportedly such an egomaniac that he placed paintings of himself depicted as a centaur -- a mythical creature who is half-man, half-horse -- over his bed, an ex-girlfriend said. "He was so vain," the unidentified A-Rod lover told Us Weekly. "He had not one but two painted portraits of himself as a centaur."

New York Post

My god... read it again. Let it sulk in for a second. A-Fraud has a painting above his bed of himself as a FUCKING CENTAUR! That is lunacy. Can you imagine being a painter and A-Roid comes to you and says, "I want a portrait brother.... up here all man... bottom half.... horse. Fucking horse man." And then when you can't think this story can get any better there's that last little line.... He has TWO fucking centaur paintings. He enjoyed the first one so much he felt he should have another. My god I cant fathom the awesomeness of this... my head is about to explode.

RAndom Ramblins

Look at the picture... Fucking look at it! Look at it you fucking whore! Oh so now your crying again... WAH WAH WAH! Fucking cry bitch! Cry Bitch! Oh your daddy's going to do what? Fuck him too... I will literally cripple him... make him spend the rest of his life asking which restaurants have a ramp. 

Oh hey... its you guys. Look at that cool picture I posted up above. That is real. Someone really painted that on the street and probably caused thousands of accidents. If I was driving down the road high or drunk (not that I drink and drive anymore) I would most certainly think some earthquake shit was happening as swerve off into the nearest telephone pole or child. How long did that shit take and why does it not get more recognition. That shit is nearly as good as the sixteenth chapel, but I guess just because Michelangelo was a ninja turtle his work got all the fame. BULLSHIT!

I saw this Tracy Morgan quote from 30 Rock... "Diabetes are the white mans myth... like Larry Bird and Colorado."  That should be a quote of the week.

Theres an article in the newest GQ on Zach Galifnakis that actually had me laughing out loud like 6 times. He is a comedic genius like few on this planet and in between all the bullshit mens fashion are some amazingly written articles in GQ.

Worst mistake of my life... I saw an ad on the internet that said I won a free iPhone and for some reason this ad seemed different from the rest. I really thought I actually got lucky and won the damn thing. So I filled out this shit and gave them my e-mail address and house number... Was I smoking fucking crack?! What followed were thousands of spam mail and hundreds of phone calls. It took about a month and years of therapy to go away. Sometimes the phone would ring and I would answer and it would be nothing but animal noises... LOUD animal noises. I dont know what they were selling... but I bought it.

Corbett

Just ordered a Jim Corbett book. Fascinating guy.... He would hunt wild man eating leopards in India and killed one that killed like over 30 people. Im going to start reading all his works and doing the research on him and develop a screenplay based on him. I wanna make a dramadey based on a man eating leopard hunter. For some reason I keep envisioning the final film looking like a Wes Andersen film mixed with that beer commercial of the bad ass old guy thats all suave. Another pain in the ass is I feel this story should be set in the 1940s or 50s. I didnt learn my lesson after writing a script set in 77 and getting stuck doing all language and culture research.