Sick Day

I love being sick! Sleep all day, do nothing, watch movies, take Nyquil, what else can a man want? Today I watched "Predators", "Bugsy", and "Diary of Anne Frank" in that order. No BS. I don't know what the method to my madness was but I really enjoyed al three.

One more thing. The Entertainment Industry labels most stoners as video game players. This is not true. Games are WAY too complex now a days for stoners.. were not talking fucking "Dr.Mario" here anymore These games now are like actually being dropped in Afghanistan and fighting in a war. When your mad high do you really want to fight in a war? Nope. Think of the biggest potheads you know and see if they play video games? Nope. They are watching dumb reality television, or Adam Sandler movies. No one has EVER watched "Dog The Bounty Hunter" while not on drugs. These shows simply are not enjoyable with a sober mind.

The South

Have money on the Cowboys (I'm a dumbass) and I'm sitting here watching them get their asses kicked. One of my favorite things to do is go to a teams official forums when something really bad happens to that team. (But I don't do it for teams when something good happens... odd) For instance, the Cavaliers forum when Lebron announced he was going to the Heat. So anyway I just went to the Cowboys forum and found this gem. This comes from the user "trout31":

Film 101

My advice to aspiring filmmakers...

1. Ask yourself this question right now... am I crazy? If the answer is "no" then quit right now. No interesting film is coming to come from your being. Think of all your favorite actors and directors? Are they not batshit insane? Al Pacino and Nicholson seem like their all there? Part of the reason you want to do films is because you are crazy, as soon as you are able to come to terms with this you'll be better at your craft.

2. Get out of the classroom. Now of course you need some schooling but there's no better way to get out there with a camera and start making films. Low budgets pieces of shit. There are certain mistakes rookie filmmakers will make their first couple of times.... I guarantee it. There are simply just too many things that can fuck up on a film. No WAY you are going to get everything right.

3. Watch Classic and Foreign Films. If the only films you like and know are from the U.S. 2000-to present, you are going to make shit. Simply put. I'm not saying to be a film historian, but open your horizons a bit. And watch a lot of foreign films. Why? Because most American films copy from other countries. Other countries are ahead of us in technique and just about every other way possible when it comes to cinema. American cinema is being ruined by greed. Watch something cool from some foreign film.... modify it, dumb it.... then profit.

Today on the train....

Today on the train I saw a tiny Korean woman. Thats it. End of Story. Lol that would be a great story. Anyway, I saw a tiny Korean woman on the train and she was wearing a polo shirt. No ordinary polo shirt. On the pocket of the shirt was Taz (Looney Tunes) and written underneath it said "I Don't Give A Fuck!". I found this to be hilarious. What made her buy this shirt? I could just picture her yelling out on the train with a heavy Korean accent, "I Don't Give A Fuck!" I would guarantee this shirt was not an officially licensed Looney Tunes product... a counterfeit one might say... but do you think she gives a fuck? She don't give a fuck. She making sure the world knows.

This guy is awesome

Things that Piss Me Off...

You know when you go on some sites and they make you do the Age Verification thing... like not even porn, like some stupid online video where someone curses. What the fuck is the point of this?! Who wastes their actual time and clicks thru to find their actual birth date? I click thru it as fast as humanly possible and have never not been born 1900's.... I am literally 110 years old. What kid is going to see this and not lie to be over 18? Who is this gonna stop? If your child is looking for bad shit online and is foiled by this verification, then he is a moron. You should hope that your child has the sense to get around it.

EAT DA POO POO

One of the greatest things i have ever seen

Wow.

I don't know what the hell this guy is running for but he has my vote. This guy is like the god damn Ultimate Warrior having a roid rage. It's like he is imitating Mel Gibson from those phone calls.

Keepin It Gangsta

I Am Old...

I was waiting on line in Staples and overheard a pair of parents and they're daughters talking about the first day of high school. (I guess highschool just started) This one pudgy girl is rambling on about all these new rules, which of her friends she didn't have class with, what teachers she didn't like, how the teachers are too hard and - SHUT THE FUCK UP! I look at the counter wheres there's packs upon packs of those ridiculous "Krazy Bands" rubber bands or whatever the hell they are called. Oh Wow... spell them with a "K". Thats really upping the crazy! Then I look over to a wall of "Twilight" school folders. At this exact moment in my mind I uttered, "I hate teenagers." Today was the day I realized I am an old ass man.

...Piss Me Off

Did you ever wonder what medieval fighting really looked like? I'm watching Centurion right now and it is probably the most violent movie I have ever seen. It's like a more realistic "300". And theres that word, "realistic". Are these ultra fast, high body count, sword mastery, fights and actual depiction... are they truly realistic? Not every one of these soldiers was a master swordsmen who could move about in slow motion. Some of them had to be real kluntz who were wearing armor that was way too heavy for them and swinging a sword that was also too heavy. I could imagine two out of shape guys essentially wearing trash cans around their waists clunking crudely forged swords across their chests. And finally one awkwardly falls over and the other guy walks over and cuts his throat. Thats what "realistic" is. There was no jumping about in slow motion and doing spinning sword slash combos.

Weirdest person I have ever seen

Teach Tony Danza

My new favorite show. I want to Mister D.

Holy Shit

Holy to the Shit! That is awesome! It's sort of like Ron Artest jumping into the Detroit crowd but much more gangsta. How many of those spectators had to go home and change their drawers after they saw that bull doing the Lambeau Leap?

F.M.L

Here is proof that this world is F'ed. This is a snippet from a news story:

Laura Grzyb, 21, came from Tennessee with Katharina Kraus, 16, an exchange student from Germany who spent her first night in the United States driving up to the Jersey Shore for a look at her favorite US export.

"They wanted to know what I wanted to see, and I said, 'Could I go [to the Jersey Shore]?' " Kraus said. "They all seem so nice. In Germany, this is an important show. All the Germans like them."

Fuck me. This is what we are exporting to Germany? In Germany "Jersey Shore" is an important show?! What the hell is not important? As an American this truly embarrasses me. And we wonder why the rest of the world hates us. Picture some African kid with flies all over his face, not having ate in a week, turning on the television and seeing these tanned D-Bags throwing Patron on surgery-enhanced whores. I want to know what Italy thinks about this show.

Again I am not using a photo of the show and giving it free press. Instead I will post a picture of an accurate raptor. Yes; They had feathers. Yes; They can open doors via handle.

Splice

Theres a new movie coming out called "Vampires Suck" and I literally rather eat my own dick then watch it. It's one of these genre parody movies, like "Epic Movie" and '"Date Movie"... who the FUCK is going out to see these movies and will you please stop.

I was going to post a picture of the movie poster but I refuse to give it any press. Instead you get the image given to kids who didn't show up for the highschool photo.

I saw the movie "Splice" and it probably has scarred me for life. SPOILER ALERT: The female monster thing gets fucked by Adrien Brody and his girlfriend walks in on him... he's all like, "Wait I can explain why I'm fucking this monster that we genetically made." He is cheating on you with a goddamn monster, there is no other way to put it. It is a monster with tits. Then... And I am not making this up... the female monster changes sex to a male and then rapes the female lead. Wait What? And before he does it he mutters something like, "I want to be insiiiide you!" I wish I was making that up. So overall its highly recommended.

Crazy Eyes

Anyone else ever see this image on the internet? I can't even look at it because it like physically fucking hurts my brain. Thats not even a joke. As I stare at it I can feel brain cells literally being destroyed. What am I looking at here? Kill it with fire.

Random Thought of the day...

Who's bright idea was it to change the "Washington Bullets" NBA team to the friggin' "Washington Wizards". Really? A fucking wizard. A bunch of black guys running around calling themselves wizards.

Piss Me Off

Selling used Video Games. This is something that really bothers me. I LOVE buying pre-owned video games. I would buy anything pre-owned if I could. Sell me some pre-owned condoms. Anyway, when you go to sell a game you paid 60 bucks for, the amount they offer you is an absolute joke. I remember being offered 2 bucks for one of my Maddens. I felt like spitting in that geeks face. I was insultated but at the same time I was jones-ing for the cash. I felt like a drug addict about to go run out and buy crack with it. But then again, when am I really ever going to play Madden 2008 in the year 2010? Do I look like a god damn cave-man?!

Power

If you scroll all the way down to the very bottom of this blog you will see a video called "Civilization" by Marco Brambilla. I saw it and thought it was so amazing that I made it a permanent fixture on this blog. Well apparently I wasn't the only one. Kanye West's new video is done by the same guy and is pretty amazing. Its for his half decent new single called "Power". Check it out.

Ramblins

It is Mother FUCKING Shark Week Beatrices! Christmas come early c-words... and by c-word I mean "cat enthusiasts". I love how some words are so powerful they become THE word for that letter. Like the f-word.

Obama was on The View.. Wait, What? He claimed to not know who Snooki is. I do not buy it for one second.... or maybe the "Jersey Shore" is a white people thing. Maybe black people dont get it... kind like how white people feel about Tyler Perry.

Speaking of Jersey Shore... the new season SUCKS. The show is no longer a parody as they are self-aware. Its obvious some of the situations are contrived (more so then last season) and that they are being fed lines now. I think 90% of the "Confessionals" stuff is scripted. The Situation and Pauly D need their own travel show, or like a Flavor of Love type thing... "The Flavor of Disease".

Am I going to hell for finding "Intervention" to be one of the funniest shows on television. Allow me to quote Biggie Smalls, "When I die fuck it I want to go to hell, cause I'm a piece of shit it ain't hard to fucking tell." That should have been my yearbook quote. Its kind of weird being stoned while watching "Intervention".

You know whats funny to me... people who are fans of Kelly Clarkson... Fuck me if Z100 does not blow dicks. (or local pop station for non NY'ers) How can those 40 year old DJ's feign interest in Jersey Shore, crazy bands, and the newest Justin Bieber song. FUCK ME! I would lose my soul doing that job. I honestly feel bad for those guys. The one guy calls himself Frat Boy or some shit and he is like 40. I'm not suggesting to do this.. but if someone happened to off one of them it might be considered a mercy killing. And if you think I'm being cruel screw you because they prank call people with some really crazy twisted stuff. These DJ's probably hire Taiwanese Hookers to walk all over them while wearing high heels. Sick People.

If you dont get the pic above then you really need to go watch "30 Rock"s earlier seasons.

Made Up 3

WITH MAKE-UP

WITHOUT MAKE-UP

Made Up 2

WITH MAKE-UP

WITHOUT MAKE-UP

Made Up

WITH MAKE-UP

WITHOUT MAKE-UP

Why this NBA Season will be best ever

Go this HILARIOUS article from a basketball website that tries to have all this integrity.

"If the Lakers can move Vujacic, sources say that they are going to add Delonte West to the roster.

This move would certainly give the Lakers a way to match up with the Miami Heat and stop LeBron in the case that the two teams do actually end up meeting in the Finals next season.

So the Lakers pick up West, who also happens to be LeBrons mothers lover, or at least has been there so to speak, and what would be a better preventative measure against LeBron than to give his mother a definite mixed emotion come the finals?

Afterall, if LeBron does have any one particular weakness, it would be the man who stole his mother’s heart, or at least her playtime, and that man is former Cavaliers teammate Delonte West."

Make a Baby!

This is an actual Internet Ad... Maybe you'll get lucky and your kid will look like a possessed Gary Coleman.

Michael Vick trains kids too

Do The Tom Cruise

Its the newest dance craze and its actually quite simple.

First off you need a LARGE pair of Aviator sunglasses.... you also MUST be holding a cell phone at ALL TIMES in your right hand.

Next you got to be spastic. You GOTS TO BE.

Now the most important step.... make like you are riding an invisible motorcycle. Now pretend you are still riding that motorcycle but you are doing so while standing up, have no idea which handle is the break or gas, and that you are mildly retarded.

Almost there... now maintain a smug jackass smirk the whole time.

FINAL STEP! Make sure to have Ving Rhames near-by to fan you with his fedora.

Now your doing "The Tom Cruise".

Things that Piss Me Off

Cologne.

Has anyone EVER got laid because of the cologne they were wearing? what girl smells a guy and is like, "Oh my God, Polo. I should blow this fuck." Nope. And if anyone has EVER gotten laid from Axe Body Spray I will eat my dick. Literally.

The Hustlers who sell Cologne.

You ever play Final Fantasy. You know when your just walking along and then BAM! Suddenly your fighting like 2 dudes. Well thats basically the Queens Center Mall and these Cologne Hustlers. The bombard you and spray you with their cheap counterfit/stolen cologne. They then ask you if it smells good.... How are you suppose to respond? "No it smells like shit". You could spray me with 800 different colognes and I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. My sense of smell is absolutely horrible, the only thing I can smell is New Jersey.

Mel Gibson

I've just listened to the new Mel Gibson tape and I am pretty sure he is the antichrist. Im not even kidding. Think about it. In the Bible it states the antichrist will very charismatic and loved by the people (which Mel was), it also states that he will then spread propaganda ("Passion of the Christ") and eventually destroy the world (???)

The Rock

Finally The Rock is making serious fucking action films again. Him being the "Tooth Fairy" really ached me belly. This guy bleeds charisma and should be the top action star in the U.S.

Lebron James = nWo

I said it before on the blog, and I guess someone feels the same way. To me it was eerie how a like they were. Life mimics Art.

Mel Gibson in The Shining

Beastiality Day

Did I really just read that yesterday was Beastiality Day?

Al Pacino commercial

Watch this commercial and then tell me you don't want to try that coffee. Mission accomplished. At first Pacino doesn't plug the particular product but coffee in general. Then he simply points to it and says, "this a good coffee." In a way in which you know he is not bullshitting. And Al Pacino looks like a man who knows coffee... His appearance suggests he has not slept in months. No one can argue with me that this commercial is not more entertaining then "Godfather III".

Pisses Me Off

That is the ACTUAL cover. Holy shit. Every person at Cosmo must be brain dead or everyone just agrees with the higher-ups.... They better be higher if they thought that looked even remotely real. I remember when I first illegally downloaded Photoshop off the internet. My freakish Dr. Frankenstein creations of Burt Reynold's head on Ben Rothlessbergers naked body seemed more realistic. And you have to understand, I might legit be partially retarded.

Now for something that Pisses me Off! Why the fuck does spellcheck tell me that "internet" needs to be capitalized? Is it a god damn country?! I'm usually so blazed when I type this that I stare at the word for a fucking hour trying to figure out where I screwed up. Then I re-type it six times the exact same way. Fuck you Al Gore!

Jordan

Lebron you are a son. I have eased up withy my Michael Jordan hate and will now admit he was the greatest b-ball player of all time and give him the respect he deserves. I was a bitter Knicks fan and he represented our worst enemy. The single reason we did not have a championship with that score of players. After this whole Lebron James fiasco, I have a new found respect for Jordan and realize just how bad ass he was. There is no more Lebron/Jordan comparisons to be made, and maybe Lebron realized he is not and never will be Jordan. Maybe thats why he went to Miami.... or maybe he is just truly a beyotch. I also have more newfound respect for Kobe Bryant... I alway kind of liked him but now I love him. I really hope he DESTROYS Lebron.

Spike Lee

Spike Lee comments on Lebron to the Heat. To summarize he says that NBA owners are slave owners, Lebron is going to get murdered, the Knicks aren't scared of the Heat, the MSG crowd will hate Lebron more then Reggie Miller, and that the whole thing was one giant set-up. I agree 100 percent.

Great Quotes

"Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there."

Dan Gilbert, Owner of Cavaliers, speaking on Lebron James departure

LEBRON JAMES

Greatest IMD Pages

Cyrus

When you read about screenplays or take classes, you will often hear about a story suffering from "Second Act Problems". Well in the case of "Cyrus", you have a story that suffers slightly from "Third Act Problems". Not saying the end is poorly written, it is just very predictable. With that out of the way, the rest of the film is pretty much spot on. You have great acting, unique camerawork, and an amazing score that all blends for a great motion picture. Go see this movie now... I want a lot more comedies like this. Jonah Hill gives a performance so creepy that it hovers around "Norman Bates" territory. 3 out of 4 stars.

One of the worst people on earth...

M. Night Shallyham is a hack. He is one of the worst directors walking the earth. "The Happening" was probably the worst film I have ever seen... I say "was" because I have not seen "The Last Airbender" yet. Based on the reviews it is receiving, it might take that title.

Now I know a lot of you are thinking, "Sixth Sense was pretty good." Really? Go back and re-watch it. Ray Charles could see that twist ending coming a mile away and he's blind and dead. To make it worse, that whole plot was stolen from an episode of Nickelodeon's "Are You Afraid of the Dark?". HACK!

M. Night's movies are basically really bad 2 hour long "Twilight Zone" episodes. When Night writes a film, he probably comes up with the surprise twist first and writes the film around that. The problem is he is no Hitchcock, and his plants for the twist are so blatantly obvious. Look at "Signs".... the young daughter leaves half empty glasses of water all around the house. Gee... you think that is going to lead to something? Why does she do this? Because the aliens are allergic to water.... Even though they decide to attack a planet that mainly consists of water. And who is the first character in the film wise enough to point out that water might be the weakness? Well it's M. Night himself. And what race of people are the first to defeat the aliens via water? The Indians... and not the cool Native American kind.

That's another problem with M. Night. He is so fucking arrogant. Every film has his name prominently displayed before it like he is Spike Lee or something. The main advertising for "The Happening" was that it was M. Night's first R-rated film. And he always appears in his films as this all knowing character. In "The Lady in the Water", they were looking for the most prolific writer of our generation who will positively change the earth with his teachings. Guess who plays this character? M. Night. What an arrogant prick. But then again I somewhat enjoy watching his films. It is like watching the ultimate train wreck. His awful work is the fuel to my fire of hatred. If he did not come off as so pretentious and arrogant, I would even feel bad for the guy.

Great Quotes

“I am going to come and burn the fucking house down… but you will blow me first.”

- Mel Gibson

Who is that Italian Man?

Time for a new game here at the blog... it's called "Who is this Italian Man?"

Who is that Italian man? Look at the schnozz. No it's not DJ Pauly D or any other member of the "Jersey Shore". It is not a screenshot of Luigi from the new "Super Mario" game.

Give up? It is....

Lady Gaga. I wish I was making that up, but sadly I am not.

The Blueprint

What has happened to me? Has my love for the Knicks really come to an end? Everyday I find myself rooting more and more for the Brooklyn Nets. That Russian owner has a crazy swag, he rolls around with Jay-Z, and the coach is the bad-ass Avery Johnson... what's not to like? Now I just heard that the Knicks management flew to the meeting in a G4 jet thinking they were Joe Cool. Too bad that the Nets arrived in a fucking G5 Jet. Jay-Z also put up a huge Nets billboard that read "Blueprint for Success" with him and the Russian gazillionaire near the Knicks offices. HA HA HA HA! And what did the Knicks do to counteract? They complained to the league. Which team is from New York here? It sure seems like the Nets have captured that New York attitude.

The whole time Lebron was meeting with the Knicks he was probably texting Jay-Z. As soon as Dolan and D'Antoni walked out of the meeting, Lebron and his boys probably burst out laughing. "Yeah... I'm really going to sign with them fuckers. The one is a cripple". Also after the meeting with the Nets, Jay hung around for an extra meeting when everyone left.

The Nets bringing in Jay-Z as owner was one of the most genius moves of all time. If you ask half of these NBA players who they idolize and look up to, I bet the answer would be Jay. Watch in 2 Years.. The Nets are going to be the basketball team in this city. The Knicks are still not be taking serious due to the whole Isiah Thomas era. I will be buying my Brooklyn Nets Lebron James jersey.

However.... what would really be the most ideal situation for me would be to wait a year and for the Knicks to bring in Carmello Anthony and Chris Paul... and somehow if we can get Artest, who represents New York better then anyone else. The Knicks shouldn't have Lebron James... they should have the bruisers and the outcasts and wind up beating Lebron in the playoffs. Basically lets re-create 1994 and cast Lebron as Jordan.

BREAKING NEWS

FROM RADAR ONLINE:

Mel Gibson told the mother of his love child that the way she was dressed would get her “raped by a pack of n***ers,”Radar Online has learned exclusively.
Mel’s disgusting words are on audio tape.
Radar has heard the tape, which also includes Mel telling Oksana he will burn down her home.
“You’re an embarrassment to me,” Mel tells her at one point.
“You look like a f***ing pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault.”
Mel’s profane outbursts are littered with references to Oksana being a “whore” and “c**t”.
In another tirade, Mel tells Oksana: “How dare you act like such a bitch when I have been so f**king nice.”
He warns, “I am going to come and burn the f**king house down… but you will blow me first.”

Nanny hates the Gays.

This is an exact word for word conversation I had with my dad today.

ME: Well you know how Nanny is with all her friggin vitamins.

DAD: Yeah. We'll you know her... she's trying to be homophobic.

ME: What?

DAD: Homeopathic.

Genius. You couldn't make this up.

Soccer is Stupid

Ha Ha its funny cause its true... Soccer is stupid. USA will not have a championship team until the urban youth here in America gets involved. White kids from the suburbs do not win professional sporting championships.

French Commercial

Great Stoner Game

I just thought of this great and easy stoner game you can play with a bunch of friends.

1. Smoke a fat blunt of some great weed. Preferably Haze.

2. Let the high settle in, maybe grab some munchies.

3. Ask one of your friends. "Hey Jim, (friends name) lets pretend for a second. Pretend that you and David (another friend in the room) were chilling in the woods and he got kidnapped or went missing or some shit.(It's important you say it exactly as written) So Say the police come and ask you what he looks like. Give a real description and don't try to be funny."

4. Have him give a description like he would do exactly in that situation, as if he is talking to a real police officer and that friends life rests on this description.

5. Hilarity ensues.

Yes Homo.

All of us straight men like some things that can be considered gay. (Don't even pretend like you don't) This is a new feature here where I man up and admit to some faggy shit I like. (no offense to the fags... err... homosexuals)

I'm not going to lie... I really like the new Katy Perry song "California Gurls". I originally listened to it thinking it might be a cover of the Beach Boys/ David Lee Roth song. Instead it was a great pop song featuring Snoop Dogg. Then I saw the video and thought the concept was fucking genius. I know its trying to be very sexy but I don't find Katy Perry all that appealing. (She is a less hot version of Zooey Deschenal to me) The sex appeal is not even the reason I like it... its a genius concept. I love this song too cause it has this 80's vibe to it... fuckin' genius bro. So I guess on this I have to call a...

YES HOMO.