Saving Boxing

There was a boxing match tonight... does anyone even know? Does anyone even care? I think the HBK Series, "24/7" was one of the best things to happen to boxing, and Floyd Mayweather was just starting to get boxing to have that big event feel.... but then he retired. So the question is... how would I fix boxing?

First off, the 24/7 show should be for EVERY major fight. In todays reality show driven world, this does a lot more for promotion then confrences and appearances.

Next up I would have some bigger fights on HBO and Showtime and cut back on PPV's. Also for PPV's, instead of just one big fight, I would greatly improve the undercard so at least 2 fights have a big feel to them. This is a cue from WWE and even UFC have better undercards then boxing.

Now for my major plan. First off we get a network or cable channel. We take another page from UFC and their highly successful show, "The Ultimate Fighter". Basically the same format and a reprise of "The Contender". A bunch of heavyweight boxers living in a house and training, split into two teams. Unlike the contender... the fights aren't shot gimmicky and are straight up uncut fights, like the Ultimate Fighter.

Now for the tie in. A little while back, George Foreman said he could make Mike Tyson into a champion again... well do it. A new reality show about the reconstruction of Mike Tyson. This one I would pitch to a premium channel so it can be uncut and raw. Team him up with Foreman and some of the best trainers available. Show all the trials and tribulations.

Now for the big event... You have the winner of the reality show vs. Mike Tyson. Yup. Thats right. The Young Tiger vs. The Old Lion. Whoever wins... boxing wins. Either you have an amazing comeback story, or you have the next big up and comer in boxing. Tyson can still draw, and people still respect him. This fight would draw, and then you can set the winner up against the heavyweight champ. And if you don't think Tyson is entertaining just watch this video below... Who else can say "I'll eat your asshole alive you bitch!' and "I'll fuck you till you love me you faggot!"

11.7.08

I was just thinking about something today.... When I was watching the election coverage the other day, there was a black women, and they asked her why she voted for Obama. She was very blunt, and said she voted for him because he is black. Thats cool, at least shes honest. The main reason I voted for him is because he is a smoker. Ok... I'm lying... I didn't actually vote. *gasp* What the hell was I talking about? Oh yeah.... Now imagine if they interviewed some white guy and asked him why he voted for McCain. What if he replied, "Because he is white." He would be labeled as a racist. The question I have is this... is it possible to have white pride and not be considered a racist?

Now I understand, the whites are not the minority and we have not faced suppression, so we don't have that underdog/stick together mentality. But when it comes to basketball and boxing, we are the minority. I'm not ashamed to admit that the main reason I root for David Lee on the Knicks is because he is white. A good white basketball player in the NBA is a rarity, and I feel proud of him being a fellow white man. I don't think this is racist, it is important to be proud of what you are... wether it be white, black, latino, native american or even... a JEW! Its just that it seems white pride is always immediatly associated with racism. And then looking back on it, I realized that I just love rooting for an underdog. The white guy in basketball, a black guy in hockey, a native american in baseball (yes they have tho).

I'm actually feeling really good about Obama being elected. A lot of people just seem to be happier, and people are feeling good about this country again. I see flags everywhere and the rise of patriotism.. real patriotism, not that god awful fake shit that occurred after 9/11. With the election of Obama I really feel the world view of America has changed for the positive. America is now cool and hip, not run by some dumb hick.

And this election might actually help to ease up racism. I would like to see it gone for good, but that can never realistically happen. However I feel this is a step in the right direction. It's funny to me, that someone can hate some one based just on the color of their skin. Its like buying a bag of M&M's and refusing to eat the green ones. I got news for you racists... where all from the same damn place. And if my geography lessons remain sharp, I could swear that human life originated in Africa. So basically everyone is black/white/native american/whatever the hell came first. The skin pigment just depends on what part of the earth the people migrated too.

I have never felt there has been a bigger divide between the North and the South as there is right now.... oh yeah, The Civil War... forgot about that one. It's like this country is really two different countries. The people in the north feel the south is dumb uneducated hicks, and the south feels the north are spoiled gay liberals. Just look at the polls across the map, I don't recall them ever being so lopsided as they have been the past couple of years.

11.6.08

http://www.smthop.com/articles1details.asp?NewsNum=1142

That article above is hilarious. How can it not be when the headline is, "Obama Win Bittersweet for Detroit Residents Hoping to Riot".

11.6.08

Holy Fuck! What?! What?! What?! No Fuckin Way! No Fuckin Way! How in the hell?! They have working fucking holograms now?!?! I honestly can not believe it at all. That is one of the most incredible things I have ever seen. Im very glad they are using this amazing technology for such a good reason, like interviewing the asshole from Black Eyed Peas. If the dinosaurs already didn't prove there is no God then this certainly does.

Barrack YoMamma!

DO YOU SMELL WHAT BARACK IS COOKING?!

http://baracktmnds.ytmnd.com/

This is the main reason why McCain lost. Sarah Palin might be the single dumbest person walking on this earth. When she speaks, it is nothing more then an incoherent rambling. In this video you can even see how pissed off McCain is with her, and realizing that this dumb idiot just cost him the election. Man... I watch this video and can not believe how anyone could've voted for McCain,knowing that this bimbo could've ended up as president if he died. She can not even name ONE friggin newspaper or magazine. Every answer she gives sounds like me trying to bullshit my way out of a question in a Math class. She does not answer one question.... she dances around it and winds up saying a whole lot of nothing, stumbling all over her words. I would LOVE to see a debate between her and George Bush. I still can't believe that the Republican party thought putting this beauty queen as the VP candidate was a good idea, it has to be one of the biggest gaffles of all time. She might honestly be one of the dumbest people I have ever heard... I hope that she goes into hiding in that same cave with Bin Laden and is never ever seen again. Good Bye you brain dead ho fo sho!

Now onto our President Barack Obama... I want to say a few things. There have been such huge expectations put onto him that there is no way he will be able to live up to them. People are treating him like the second coming of God. Unless he walks on water and turns wine into beer, he will disappoint the masses. Another thing this election showed to me was the secret underlying racism in our country. I know some white people who wouldn't vote for him simply because he was black. Some white people are honestly afraid that him becoming president is going to lead to race wars or something... Like the whites will have to give up 40 acres all of a sudden.

Heres the scary thing... Democrats have the major majority in the house and the senate. There is basically no way the Republicans can override anything. Even if you are a Democrat, you don't want things to be so one sided. As of right now there are 54 Democrats in the Senate and 40 Republicans. That is pretty lopsided... thats kinda Nazi Germany Hitler status right there....

Overall I felt change was necessary so I'm satisfied with Obama. I have never liked a politican in my life and probably never will. So now the United States has its second ever black president. (Bill Clinton) I'm hoping the front page of the New York Post is a a photoshopped version of the White House painted black with the headline: "THE BLACK HOUSE".

Tropic Thunder

Ok... it must be said. The Dark Knight is probably the most overrated movie of all time. Was it a good superhero movie? Yeah. Was it a great movie? Not so much. And for my money, if you want superheroes... go see Iron Man it is better. Well back to Dark Knight.... everybody was clamoring about Heath Ledgers performance and how he deserves best supporting actor. I was thinking the same up until I saw Tropic Thunder last night. No... that honor should go to Robert Downey Jr. Wow. Just look at these two quotes from his character:

Kirk Lazarus: Yo asshole! This motha' fucka's dead. Ain't no Criss Angel Mindreak, David Baline trapdoor horse shit jumpin off here!

Kirk Lazarus: I'm just like a little boy, playin' with his dick when he's nervous.

Genius! Watching this movie you will honestly forget that Downey is a white man. And then later on he turns into an Australian and he is perfect at that too. And as good as Downey is... Tom Cruise might even be better. He is so good that you will honestly forget that he is batshit crazy and in a cult. There is also another amazing character played by Danny McBride ("Foot Fist Way"). What sets this movie high above a Will Ferrell movie is that the story is not an afterthought. The characters are well fleshed out and go through an emotional change, and it doesn't feel forced or fake.  The movie starts off as a tongue in cheek look at Hollywood (the opening fake trailers are phenomenal, especially Fatties: Fart 2) and winds up turning into an action film in the third act.

There are some negatives however. I didn't find Jack Black's character all that funny. The drug addict jokes got a little stale pretty quickly, and his character seemed more over the top then the rest and felt like he had the least progression. The third act with all the action also felt a little weird.

But this is a great film, and will be even funnier for anyone that has worked on a film set. Some of it reminded me a lot of the Entourage episodes when they are on the Median set. I'm kind of surprised it was as popular as it was, but it definitely deserved to be.

11.3.08

I don't think I have to remind you what you need to do. Does it really need to be said what you must do? Have you been watching TV at all lately? Have you been living in a cage? If you haven't you will then realize that you have to go out and.... buy the new Wendy's Buffalo Chicken Sandwich ASAP. Wow. I just had it and I have fell in love. Do you love Buffalo wings? Then you will love this... this makes the Spicy Chicken sandwich taste like filthy assholes. Man, Wendys did a good thing here... I remember I just recently had a sandwich the exact same at "Checkers" that used Franks Hot Sauce and t was awesome. After eating that I craved it again so badly but was pissed cause I have a better chance of finding a velociraptor then a fucken Checkers. Heres the thing about the sandwich tho... they dont tell you but it comes with blue cheese on it.. I got it without that because blue cheese is for pussies who can't take the heat.

BTW: Im reposting the best thing to come out of this election above

11.3.08

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Bobby Peru pays a visit

One of my favorite characters ever in a film... the amazing Bobby Peru.

11.2.09

You know how people say whats "Hot" and whats "Not"? Whats "In" and whats "Out"? Well let me tell you whats not cool anymore...this might shock you a bit.... but its America. If you haven't noticed this country has gone to shit and Obama or McCain ain't going to really change anything. It's going to take about 6 years before this country is a shell of what it was. Look around... there is no patriotism, the rest of the world hates us and rightfully so and America is not on the cutting edge of anything. America is not the authority on technology, clothing, music, or cinema. The arts are fuckn god awful right now. Most television and movies are utter garbage and what good music is really coming out of America anymore? You may call me a terrorist, communist, blasphemous, whatever you want, but the fact of the matter is right now America sucks. I know we have been programed to not think such thoughts, but its the truth and you know deep down you feel somewhat the same but are afraid to admit it. Who is proud to be an America anymore? This country has turned into a joke, we don't export anything... the only thing keeping us a super-power is the fact we have a strong military and aren't afraid to use force. We are a big dumb ignorant bully who tells other countries to love Democracy or we will beat you up. Don't get me wrong.... I'm American, born and raised... and I ain't a rat who flees a sinking ship... I want to see this country return to glory.. but right now... America sucks.

I don't know... I never felt so angry in all my life. I'm generally a very easy going person, but lately I just got this underlying anger in everything I do. I'm really fed up with everything, and everywhere I look around me it just seems like no one is thriving and no one is happy. I feel like I'm getting fucked and there's nothing I can do about it. Its this angry feeling that lies in me, and I get a feeling that its in a lot of other people too. The whole formula for success is getting screwed up. Finish college with a degree and you still can't land a job... but not just any job... a great paying one. All the shows on television and the media just glamorise these celebrities and their lifestyles... lifestyles becoming more and more impossible for the average person to achieve. The American Dream has become so warped and delusional that one can not help but feel like a failure. Our minds are being raped by the media, and we do not even realize it. We are being programed to think what they want us to view as true happiness.... and they make sure that it is damn near unattainable, leading to a society filled to the brim with depression and anxiety. I feel like I have been brainwashed for so long and am just now beginning to wake up.

I want you to sit back and think of your ideal situation. Where would you live? What would be your job? What would you wear? What would you drive? Now look at that situation and really ask yourself why you want it. Is it because you have been preprogrammed to feel that this is what you desire? Is it because here in America we are told to view mediocrity and normalcy as something terrible? I'm ready to just go off into the woods and live with nature... like "Into The Wild". That movie gets it man... it basically gives off this message that I'm talking about right here. This country to me right now feels like a huge big zit. All this puss is building up and bulging out. And I feel like all these politicians and the media have been giving it a few squeezes..... well guess what? That son of a bitch is going to pop soon or the other. It feels like we are on the verge of another big counter culture evolving... like the 60's and 70's. Protests and what not popping up. All I know is somethings got to give.

10.31.08

http://www.birkoph.com/Wolf_tshirt.htm


Wow that wolf shirt is pretty much the bad ass. You have to read the comments on that website about it... it is friggin hilarious.

Happy Halloweener!

10.30.08

Fuck the Republicans. Now heres the weird thing... I don't really dislike McCain. He seems like a cool guy, someone who i could actually get along with. But McCain is the kind of guy I would want to be shooting Vietnamese with, not the guy I want to be president. Yeah,,, he's a cool guy, but he is also out of is fucken mind. Sarah Palin is just a dumb fucken bimbo, who makes Hillary Clinton look like Einstein.

The thing is I hate Republicans. The main reason is because Republicans consist of my least favorite people on earth.... rich old cocky white people.... aka the Jews. HA HA HA! And all these ultra religious nut jobs are Republicans too, and quite frankly they scare the shit out of me. I'm not an atheist by any means, but religion and politics don't mix like two dicks. I don't consider myself really liberal, seeing as how I hate the fags (kidding), but I am in no way a conservative.

My vote is for anarchy, drugs, sex, and change. Its not so much that I like Obama, but more that i hate the fucken Republicans. I want you to quickly roll through your mental roller deck and think of all the people you know that are Republican. Do you really like any of them? I mean like really like them? Are they mostly religious nut jobs or money hungry businessmen? I bet you not one of them is an artist or does anything creative. i bet you not one of them owns a Mac. They probably don't use drugs and drink 2 beers and are drunk.... They probably are Patriot fans. I don't want to be one sided here, but if you go and vote for McCain I think its pretty safe to assume that you are one of the most bland people ever. Viva La Revolution!

Real Men of Genius

If you did not know, Ric Flair is the greatest wrestler of all time. Hell, he might just be the greatest entertainer of all time. It also helps that he is batshit crazy. These are two of his more "memorable" interviews, where he basically loses his god damn mind and has a breakdown mid ring. If you can watch this and not laugh and feel the energy he is omitting, you are not human. Wrestling fan or not... this man is entertaining.

Monday Morning QB

Two things are for certain in the NFL.... the Giants and the Titans are for real. Imagine how scary good the Titans would be if they had a goof QB and receiving core? Heres another prediction I have.... I don't see Collins finishing out this season, and Vince Young will be starting for that team in a couple of weeks.

I am shocked that the Cowboys beat the Bucs. I thought the Bucs were one of the best NFC teams, and Garcia looked to have had that offense rolling. The fact that they put up 6 points is shocking. Still, that Cowboys offense isn't clicking under Brad Johnson. Let me say this... Reports of the Cowboys demise is greatly exagaratted and they will be in the playoffs. I have a feeling they will really start to get on a roll again when Romo comes back.

The Jets suck. They might have barely won that game, but it should still be considered a loss. You were playing a Chiefs team with a third string QB and without Larry Johnson. The Jets really needed a repeat performance of that game against the Cardinals... they needed Favre to have 6 TD's and win by a large margin. This is not a playoff team, and after this year Favre will retire and retreat into hiding, only to come back out to make ammends with the Packers and forget all about this New York nightmare. BTW Dwayne Bowe caught 100 plus yards. He has consistently getting numbers like this with such a shitty QB.... can you imagine how much of a beast he would be on a good team?

The Chargers suck... even when LT finally does play amazing, they still suck.

The Dolphins are a fun team aren't they? This return to glory might finally give Parcells the credit he deserves. He is one of the greatest football minds ever and returned many a franchise to glory. After the Dolphins come back, they should send him over to the Lions then to the Bengals.

Houston is really starting to get on a roll. Matt Scahub is playing great, Staton is running good, and Andre Johnson is a beast. Plus this team has a good defense. This might become my sleeper team to bounce back and make the wild card. I think this team right now might be better then the Jags, and the whole AFC is wide open.

Isn't it weird how the AFC was so dominant and now the NFC is such a much better confrence?

Is Peyton Manning done? No Way Jose. If you watch the games, most of these intos aren't his fault. All the balls are bouncing off his receivers hands. The problem is that Harrison's career is coming to an end and Reggie Wayne is not playing well enough to take over his spot. Reggie Wayne needs to become the number one receiver and Manning needs to really get on the same page with Anthony Gonzalez, who is due to be a stud receiver.

10.28.08

Ok I'm going to make a bold prediction right here... The Rays are going to win the World Series. The Phillies have just officially been screwed. If that game would've went on, there is no doubt in my mind the Phillies would have won the World Series. Could you have imagined if the game would've been called in the 6th with the Phillies winning, and the pennant is handed over due to a rain out. What a weird situation... they are going to play a new game from the bottom of the 6th? The whole reason the Rays tied was because of the weather... Kazmir wasn't pitching that great. This is crazy.... they talk about the Phillies having a curse, with black cats and such... this might be the next step.

10/27/08

I have a cold right now and can literally not breath out my nose. This has made it almost impossible to sleep, so I have given up on the notion. I dont need it.  I'm sitting here and its 5:21 in the morning. I am on enough medicine and antihicamine (like I had a chance of spelling that right) to kill a small child... I'm like a Anna Nicole Smith zombie. Imagine that for a second....she already spoke at one slurred word per hour, now zombify that. Its getting harder to type.. I feel like a kid in a Freddy Kreuger movie... mustnt sleep. 

10.26.08

What in the bluest of blue hells is that?! What the fuck has happened to Mary Kate Olsen? See Bitch, this what happens to you when you kill Heath Ledger... karma is a bitch. I never have and never will like the Olsen twins. Actually I take that back, Ashley Olsen doesn't seem to be as screwed up in the head. She is the one who wasn't anorexic and didn't kill the Joker. I guess Mary Kate is the wild one on a runaway train never coming back. Ha. you remember that song...

Terry Tate: Reading Is Fundamental

Heres another one... I love this guy

10.23.08

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10.23.08

Wow this Nintendo commercial is pretty damn scary. Its like if the "Money for Nothing" video was a horror movie.

10.21.08

HOLY FUCK!

When I usually watch television I stick to the shows I have DVR'ed, the History Channel, A&E, movies, or simply sports. Today I wandered out into the world of VH1, Bravo, and MTV. WHAT THE FUCK?! Is this society fucked or what. Every person on this god damn planet has their own reality show or is involved in one. Charm School, Chance of Love, Big Brother, Real Housewives, Celeb Rehab, Unkle Luke, and worst of all... Paris Hilton's reality show for a new BFF. I am convinced that is a sign of the appacolypse....Hell, today I even saw a commercial for a new show about Coolio being a father. Fucking Coolio! A rapper who was relevant for 2 months has his own show. The World has gone reality show fucking crazy! People will sign up for anything just to be on TV. I'm gonna make a new show called "The Magic Hour". Its gonna be 12 contestants, fighting it out in physical challenges at Magic Johnsons house. In the end, one lucky winner will be injected by syringe with Magic's HIV positive blood. Wow... I know your thinking this is wrong to joke about, but Magic doesn't really have HIV. Oh and BTW... I would NEVER tell anyone to kill somebody... but if some sicko just so happens to be reading this... wouldn't this world be better off without Paris Hilton?

10.20.08

There is a show on television that might just be the best kept secret in America. If you have DVR or TiVo, go right now a set it to record a show called "Parking Wars" on A&E. This show has to seriously be one of the funniest shows I have ever seen, and a true study in human nature. Every episode is split into 3 parts. One is people handing out car tickets, which has priceless reactions. Then they have people throwing boots on cars. Then the best part by far.... which people go to retreive their car at the car lot. That has people waiting for up to 6 hours and going fucking crazy. This show is edited in a way that is simply genius, and probly IMO the funniest show on television.  The show is shot in Philadelphia, and a lot of it is in the hood with some real hood people. Thats what makes the show so much better, cause some people go crazy. I just saw a preview for the episode coming up this Wednesday and it looks like a real winner. One guy parks on the middle of the sidewalk and then complains that him getting a ticket was discrimination.  In the episode I just saw there is this small 5 foot guy handing out tickets, and everyone confuses him for a woman. They say to him, "Thank you ma'am." and he gets really pissed. this show is genius.  "PARKING WARS" ON A&E, WATCH IT ASAP!

Monday Morning QB

Who is the best team in the NFL? Well, I'll tell you who it is not.... thats the Cowboys. That team is turning into nothing short of a disaster. The Pacman Jones experiment was a disaster, and I honestly expect to see Michael Vick in the NFL again before him. Terrell Owens is getting ready to explode and show his true colors, and I don't really understand the move on getting Roy Williams. They gave up way too many draft picks for him, and have to realize that he is not that young. Jerry Jones is infamous for throwing away draft picks for established names, and needs to realize that these superstar fantasy teams dont work.

Brett Favre is now just an average QB. He is good, but he is not great anymore. The whole Jets offense seems suspect. And its amazing the verbal blowjob that Favre receives every week courtesy of the announcers. And the Raiders are actually not that bad... that defense is really good. They remind me of the Titans with JaMarcus Russell being the Vince Young. He's not going to have amazing numbers but he is coached very safely.

The Chargers are not the real deal.... Tomlinson is hurt, and they really should start limiting his carries. He is bringing that team down, as that team should really be a contender. I'm very surprised by their poor play.

I thought the Colts bounced back and were poised to re-claim the NFL as the best team. I guess I was wrong as the Packers really put a whipping on this team. I'm huge on Aaron Rodgers and think that he will become one of the leagues elite QB's... in the same realm as Peyton and Brady. The Packers are better off this year without Favre, and I think people are starting to realize it was the right decision.

The AFC kinda sucks. Besides for the Titans and the Bills, no team really stands out as dominant. Shit.. no team in the NFL is really dominant. This is the oddest NFL season I have ever seen. Any team can truly beat any team. And every team (besides the Titans) has absolutely no consistancey. One week a team will have 200 total yards of offense and the next week put up 48 points. It makes no sense... there is no logic in the NFL this year.

Heres my tip to NFL coaches.... cut this time out shit on the FG's. This is the second week in a row that this shit caused a team to go to an unnecessary OT. That tactic is so fucking cheap and freezing the kicker will bite you in the ass.

10.18.08

new video from the King of Da Burbz. For those not familiar he is the guy that lost on the Whitest Rapper Show on vh1.

10.17.08

I believe this guy... the vid was too good... no one can have such a generic tattoo on the same spot... what do you think they make temporary ones?!

10.16.08

I know a lot of people might think I have finally lost my mind for good with this whole "Buggin' The Movie" thing. However, there is a method to my madness. Now while the script below might have been written while under the influence of drugs, it is suppose to be cheesy and corny. I got this idea for a comedy. A story about a white screenwriter/director who is down on his luck. He hasn't released a hit in years and is now forced to do cheesy made for DVD movies. You see "Buggin" would be the movie he is forced to do. Its "A Sci-Fi Boyz in the Hood". I think its also funny if you have this suburban white guy writing this gangsta and borderline racist film. Having a tiny white jew arguing with Ving Rhames over the delivery of the line, "Niggaz is buggin'", is comedy gold in my opinion. So basically "Buggin' the movie" is the film within the film.

BUGGIN' full script part 1

BUGGIN’ : THE MOVIE

EXT. THE UNIVERSE

DMX stands before an empty universe. He begins to echo the first words of his song “BUG NIGGAZ”. He is no longer calm as he bounces around rapping and waving his arms about causing stars to form.

He rubs his hands together to form a huge piece of rock. He then makes another and hurls it into the other....causing a big bang as many other smaller planets go flying out of the explosion.

He walks up to one particuallary large rock and puts his blunt out on it, causing it to go up in flames.

He grabs a small watery planet and rubs his hand over it.

On the planet we see grass and flowers emerge from the dead soil. Then comes the appearance of dinosaurs.... Large ones...flying ones. Giant mosquito like creatures emerge from the dirt and glance at DMX in the sky. They then burrow deep down to the center of the earth.

DMX observes the dinosaurs and looks disgusted. He grabs a rock and hurls into the blue planet.. 

The comet hits and the dinosaurs are immediatly wiped out. We then see apes who quickly evolve into humans. Civilizations are built and then destroyed. All of history happens before our eyes in a matter of minutes. We finally see present day earth. We zoom in on one small little ghetto in Bedstuy, Brooklyn. We then zoom closer to one street block with a man standing on it.

EXT. STREET BLOCK - DAY

D-TRAIN, who is basically Ving Rhames, stands at the end of the block surveying his hood. A blunt dwindles from his mouth.

A cop car filled with two white cops slowly creeps down the block. The two cops take notice of D-Train and his marijuana cigarette.

D-Train locks eyes on the intimitated cops.

D-TRAIN
Say something! I dare you!

The cops stare away and quickly drive off.

JEROME, a skinny black male in his 20’s, comes walking over to D-Train.

D-TRAIN (CONT’D)
You see that there lil nigga? The only good cop is a dead cop.

JEROME
Fuck the jakes. Are we gonna ride or what? Ride or die nigga!

D-TRAIN
Calm it with that rapper bullshit. See real niggaz like me walk the walk and shut the fuck up...You should do the same.

INT. ABANONED GARAGE- NIGHT
D-Train and Jerome stand in the dimly lit garage. Jerome clinches tightly onto a briefcase.

D-TRAIN

This that fishscale right?

JEROME
Thats what Ceaser said.

D-TRAIN
Fuck Ceaser.

A Van suddenly SLAMS through the front door and wrecklessly swerves into a pole, smashing up the whole front of it.

D-TRAIN (CONT’D)
What.... this nigga drunk?!

D-Train walks over to the van while Jerome hangs behind him with gun drawn.

There is blood smeared across the back doors. D-Train slowly opens them and out rolls a body to the floor. The body is a Spanish man with his throat ripped out. D-Train is unfazed by and peers in.

JEROME
Oh shit! Whats in there nigga?!

D-Train comes walking over to him with a bag of coke.

D-TRAIN
That perico nigga...

JEROME
My favorite Peruvian Lady.

D-TRAIN
Looks like our lucky day....

JEROME
What else was in there?

D-TRAIN
A buncha dead spics. Mustve had too much tequila or some shit and crashed up in here. I’m a go and get the rest of the coke.

D-Train walks back over to the van when the driver suddenly falls out. He slowly rises to his feet and begins walking over to the two men.

JEROME
State your name gangsta?!

D-Train pulls out his gun and both men point at the driver.

The driver walks slowly and stumbles about. His clothes are torn and he is covered in blood. Finally he falls to the floor.

D-TRAIN
Ha! Thats what you get for being a dumb drunk motherfucker!

BZZZZZZZZZZ! The driver lets out an insanely loud inhumane sound. His skin begins to drip off his body as two giant legs rip out his back, followed by wings. Two antennas(?) rip through his skull, with the remains shattering on the floor. His buggy eyes emerge followed by his long sharp teeth (?). He is now a standing human cockroach hybrid being.

D-TRAIN (CONT’D)
Ugly mother fucker....

JEROME
Did that nigga really just turn into a bug?

D-TRAIN
Yeah... A bug nigga!

The bug emerges from the floor and stands upright. It is about 7 - 8 feet tall.

JEROME
God damn man... I mean I had some big roaches in my crib an shit, but this, this just -

D-TRAIN
Shut the fuck up. I say we let off about fifty rounds into this bug nigga.

BANG! And so the firing begins. After the first 3 shots the bug falls to the floor and is unresponsive. 20 more shots are followed.

JEROME
You think its dead?

D-TRAIN
How the fuck would I know?! You think I deal with shit like this all the time?

JEROME
Well we better be safe...

20 more shots are fired into the lifeless bug body.

JEROME (CONT’D)
Lets get the fuck outta here.

Jerome goes to run out but his arm is grabbed by D-Train.

D-TRAIN
You lost your mind lil nigga? Go and get that coke.

Jerome nods in approval. He runs over to the van. D-Train walks over to the bug body and examines it closely and leans into its face. He then lets out a huge wad of spit unto it.

EXT. JEROMES HOUSE - STOOP - NIGHT

D-Train puffs on his cigar, stopping only to sip on his forty. Sitting besides him is Jerome.

D-TRAIN
Listen here lil nigga....You know the code of the streets.... Its shoot or get shot. And if you eating, you better recognize there a million hungry motherfuckers looking to get a bite.

A mosquito lands on D-Trains arm. He immediately smashes it and stares at the remains in the palm of his hand.

D-TRAIN (CONT’D)
And if you think I’m gonna feed these mother fuckers, then you straight set trippin.... Theres only three things I hate.... Snitches....the WNBA...and BUGS!

JEROME
What is Ceaser gonna do tho? We got all his coke and he aint got none of our money..

D-TRAIN
Fuck Ceaser. Giant bug niggaz are taking over human bein’s bodies and you worried about fucking Ceaser!

Jerome gets up and opens the door to his apartment.

D-TRAIN (CONT’D)
Go to bed lil nigga... and guard that coke better then your fucken life. I’m gonna go settle this bug problem... I don’t like that shit in my neighborhood.

INT. CEASERS PALACE STRIP CLUB - OFFICE - NIGHT

Ceaser glares over D-Train D-Train chews on some tobacco.

Ceaser pours some Jack Daniels into his glass and then stirs it with his finger. He then slirps the liquor off.

CEASER
Bugs?? Ha Ha! Your so funny D-Pain..

D-TRAIN
Its D-Train...

CEASER
Anyone ever tell you...you look like that actor..... Ving Rhames?

D-TRAIN
Anyone ever tell you...you look like a bug nigga?!

CEASER
What?

D-TRAIN
I know a mother fuckin’ bug when I see one... and you’se a bug!

CEASER
Jumping to conclusions can get you killed... You have no idea what we are. You might be seeing this “Ceaser” you speak of on the outside, but on the inside..

D-TRAIN
A fuckin’ bug!

CEASER

Yeah... sort of. We want you to join us. We have already got Ceasers whole crew and we could use some more “hosts”.

D-TRAIN
Fuck you! You stay the fuck outta my hood. We can do this like bithces and continue bitchin, or we can do do this like thugs and slug it out....

Ceaser reaches for his gun but D-Train spits a wad of tobacco into his eye. He then pulls his gun and pops Ceaser with a shot.

Ceaser lets out a huge BUZZZZZ! As the skin begins melting off his face exposing the cockroach buggy eyes. The transformation is beginning to start. D-Train shoots at him again but to no effect. He runs out of the office.

INT. CEASERS PALACE STRIP CLUB - MAIN STAGES

Ceasers comes running out of the back and bumps into an insanley hot stripper named LEXXUS.

LEXXUS
What the hell is going on here?

D-TRAIN
Niggaz is buggin. We gotta get out of here.

D-Train grabs her hand and goes for one of the exits but is stopped by a Spanish Man holding a bat.

CEASER (O.S.)
Get that mooootherzzzzzzz Fuckerzzzzzz!

The man starts to move in closer. Other goons emerge from different areas of the club and walk inwards to D-Train and Lexxus.

The other dancers franctically run about trying to leave. A customer stands up and begins to yell. BANG! He is shot by one of the goons.

LEXXUS
Oh No!

D-TRAIN
What do all bugs hate?

LEXXUS
Bug Spray?

D-TRAIN
Dont got that... what else?

LEXXUS
Gettin stomped?

D-TRAIN
What else?

LEXXUS
Bug Spray?

D-TRAIN
What a dumb ho... maybe what they like...

The men move in closer as D-train makes a roll over to a plug. He quickly plugs in a wire and a huge neon light comes on saying “LIVE NUDES”.

The goons quickly run over to it and hover about it... touching it in awe.

D-Train grabs Lexxus by the arm.

D-TRAIN (CONT’D)
We gotta go!

10.15.08

I usually dont give a damn about what actors have to say about politics, but Matt Damon nails it right on the head about Palin. I agree 100 percent with him.

10.15.08

This image is said to be racist. There was apparently a big problem with it by a group called the UTO. Does it make me racist to find it funny? First off look how that monkey is dressed. He is stylin' and profilin', and staring off into the distance and it obviously looks like a lot is on his mind. His friend appears very sad and the monkey is gently resting one hand on his thigh to console him... his other hand pleasures his testicles.

BTW: On the bottom of this blog to the right side is some cool features and one of them is "Mikeys Believe It Or Not". There is one article on there today called "Heckle Me Elmo", you should definetly check that one out its funny.

10.15.08

Oh man I can't sleep. I just keep tossing and turning in my bed while muttering... "Raptor....T-Rex...Raptor... T-Rex..." Who the FUCK is going to win this fight man? The pressure is really getting to me. I was suppose to write this report and powerpoint thing, but how in the hell am i expected to work when  T.Rex is fighting Raptor tomorrow night. This is like the Super Bowl and Christmas rolled into one and sprinkled with some sex.  I know I originally took the raptor to win, but he might just be too damn small. I know the raptor likes to roll in packs but I'm assuming this fight is one on one. Screw it... I'm sticking with the raptor. He is way too intelligent to lose this fight. I just hope that it goes long and we get our moneys worth. This was the reason I bought cable 19 years ago.... for this day.

FIGHT OF THE MILLENNIUM!

Ali versus Fraiser. Tyson versus Bowe. Johnson versus Bird. Hogan vs. Andre. RAPTOR VERSUS FUCKIN' T-REX! Yessir, the fight of the millennium is here! Tomorrow at 10 PM on the History Channel... on "Jurassic Fight Club", the two best dinosaurs will finally meet in a battle to the death. This blog here is you source for all the coverage of this epic battle.

Many people have asked who would win this fight? In order to make a educated prediction, we must analyze both their strengths and weaknesses. First off, it is very obvious that the T-Rex has the power, height, and weight advantage. However, the raptor is a much quicker creature and a lot smarter. Did you know that a raptor knows how to open a fuckin' door?! It knows how to turn the knob and open the door. Thats amazing! I'm a human being and even I can't get that right every time. The T-Rex also has baby arms, arms that disabled it from enjoying its Newport Lights. Its arms are evolutions biggest practical joke, and all it can really do is dive at you with his big jaw. What I predict is for the raptor to actually climb up the back of the T-Rex and to attack its neck. The beginning of the fight will probably be the T-rex taking some big bites with the raptor dodging. This game of cat and mouse will continue until the T-Rex is tired, and then the raptor will make its move up the back and two the neck. Lets look at the tale of the tape....

T- REX

Length: 40 feet

Height: 15-20 feet

Weight: 5 to 7 tons

RAPTOR

Length: 5 to 6 feet

Height: 3 feet tall

Weight: 15 to 33 pounds

RAP

Rap Music is Good Again

Fuck the radio. Rap music on the radio is shit. Fuck Soulja Boy and ever no name douche using a voicecoder.  If you listen to just that, you would feel that rap is in a very sad state with no originality. The fact is, rap is getting more experimental then ever. Rappers rhyming over Pink Floyd samples, to rhyming over music from Sonic the Hedgehog video game. There is a whole new movement of these "fusion" rappers. Rappers influenced more by classic rock then Run DMC. Rappers who aren't even in the slightest gangsta and rap about playing XBOX and wear skateboarding clothes. The thing is these guys are actually talented musicians and making some real great music. I feel this whole movement goes back to Pharrell, and was furthered by Kanye West and most recently Lupe Fiasco.

XV - One of my favorite of the new bunch. A little more conventional then the rest and similiar to Lupe, but his skills are undeniable. I love his production and he gets beats from some of the best... like Kanye, Pharrell and Just Blaze.

Listen To: "V for Vendetta"

88 Keys - Probably the most unique of the bunch. He samples some of the weirdest shit out there and somehow makes it work. He is one of Kanye Wests proteges, and even though he lyrically isn't that strong, is songs are so damn different and catchy he is hard to ignore.

Listen To: "Stay Up" featuring Kanye West

Wale - He got pretty popular with his Seinfeld themed mxtape called, "The mixtape about nothing". He is lyrically strong with some pretty good featured guests. He is getting somewhat popular and will probably be the first to blow out of this group.

Listen To: "The Kramer"

Charles Hamilton - The ultimate nerd rapper. A small guy who is obsessed with Sonic The Hedgehog. His music is overly catchy and is very accessible. To my surprise one of his songs was just featured in a new episode of Entourage.

Listen To: "Brooklyn Girls"

Monday Morning QB

Are the New York Giants that much better then every other team in football?

No. Even last years Giants team with Osi and Strahan was better. Its just that every other team in the NFL is just not that good (with the exception of the Titans so far). The NFL is league based on parity, and this year it is more evident then any other. Any team can beat any other on any given sunday. Wow I used any a lot in that sentence. What truly establishes a great team in todays NFL is a coaching staff and lack of injuries. The present Giants work on a lot of the same cylinders as last years Patriots, minus the cheating. No one player is bigger then team. No single player is bigger then the team. Tiki leaves, 3 other RB's jump in with big numbers. Strahan and Osi leave... Justin Tuck jumps in. Shockey out for the year? Enter Boss. Even when Burress is suspended... Sinorice Moss nabs 2 TD's. Even though I hate to admit it.. David Carr is a great back up, and the team might not suffer too much if Eli went down. The true genius on the Giants, and next great future NFL head coach, is Defensive Coordinator Steve Spurrier. Bill Bellichick started as a Defensive Coordinator on a Super Bowl Giants and look where he is now. The Giants have all the makings of a repeat and a dynasty, but in todays NFL I feel it is damn near impossible. Todays NFL is not about superstars... like the megastar Cowboy driven league... it is about great coaching and team play. The Patriots dynasty didn't have many superstars and actually failed when it added them (Randy Moss). The same can be said for the Giants, as they seem to thrive with less stars (Shockey, Tiki). Now here is where my problem comes... the Giants are looking to add Tony Gonzalez to the team. Now he is great, one of if not the best Tight Ends of all time. But when the sauce tastes just right why are you going to throw in some more spice? See my drift. Adding him may actually throw Eli off again and be the downfall of this team. Just my two cents.

BTW... make sure to watch that video below... that might be the most bizaare clip I ever posted on here.

10.12.08

What in the bluest of blue hells?!

10.10.08

That looks like our society now a days... mindless and looking to the sky for answers. Here the scary thing... some people like being uninformed and ignorant. Some people are afraid of knowing too much... hell I feel mostly everyone is, that is why people smoke weed, drink, and do all sorts of drugs. To escape from reality. Everyone needs to escape from reality now and then... and if it ain't drugs, its television and video games, sports, taking pictures of feet (!) to whatever the hell else floats your boat. The big question is how much reality can you take? Some people cant take any at all and become addicts or extremists. These are the scariest and most dangerous people on earth. People so devoured by one thing that it destroys their perception of reality. I'm talking anything from drugs, to religion, to love here. When you let that escape become your sole purpose, you can become very erratic.

And you know who else is very dangerous? That person who doesn't smoke, drink, have sex, watch TV, play sports, do any drugs, has no hobbies whatsoever and only works. That is someone facing reality head on with no escapism. This is a very hard thing for any one person to try and do. This is the person that just suddenly snaps and shoots up and office.

Stop looking up to the sky and look forward into a mirror. Crying out for help is pathetic and taking away valuable energy that should be spent doing something positive. The best form of charity is not our money, but rather your time. Welcome to the great Recession people... its only going to get worse. Sit and watch or stand fight. Are you really ready to bend over and get fucked by the Government for another 4 years? Wake up people. This country is going down the tubes. Every great empire eventually falls. And it mostly happens because of an inadequate, greedy, leader. Hmmmm... fighting a war on two fronts for personal gain. The seeds have been planted. Hopefully Obama or whoever can un-dig them.

10.9.08

Shit.... maybe I should watch these elections... Vote for Obama! Vote for change! Also for the first time ever, I have decided I will post the entire "BUGGIN': The Movie" screenplay. Free of charge right here at "The Voices". This might be the first time in history and whole screenplay has been posted on a blog. I hope the Sci-Fi Channel doesn't sue my ass!

BUGGIN 3

EXT. JEROMES HOUSE - STOOP - NIGHT

D-Train puffs on his cigar, stopping only to sip on his forty. Sitting besides him is Jerome.

D-TRAIN
Listen here little nigga....You know the code of the streets.... Its shoot or get shot. And if you eating, you better recognize there a million hungry motherfuckers looking to get a bite.

A mosquito lands on D-Trains arm. He immediately smashes it and stares at the remains in the palm of his hand.

D-TRAIN (CONT’D)
And if you think I’m gonna feed these mother fuckers, then you straight set trippin.... Theres only three things I hate.... Snitches....the WNBA...and BUGS!

BUGGIN 2

Here is another scene from the upcoming film, "Buggin': The Movie". This takes place later on in the film.



EXT. STREET BLOCK – NIGHT

D-Train stands above the fallen cockroach/human hybrid with gun pointed.

D-TRAIN
I ain’t never fuck with nothing with cock
In its name…. COCK-roach!

BUG
Buzz off!

D-TRAIN
Nah… over here its, “Fuck Off!”

D-Train fires a SHOT into the bug. He turns and begins to walk away before stopping abruptly. Slowly he walks back over to the body.

D-TRAIN
And don’t EVER fuck my money!

BANG! Another shot is fired into the lifeless corpse.

BUGGIN 1

As many of you may or may not know, I am a screenwriter. I have been asked by the Sci-Fi Network to pen the script for one of its new original movies.Ving Rhames has been signed to play the lead and the movie is called, "Buggin': The Movie". The gist of the story is that insects are looking to claim the earth. Prior to the comet coming and wiping out the dinosaurs, the prehistoric insects sensed it coming and burrowed deep into the center of the earth. They layed sleeping....evolving. Now it is time for them to awake and re-claim the earth... bad news for them is that they decided to start with the hood. Oh and they can take human form.. forgot that one. Here is a scene from the upcoming film....




INT. JEROMES HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Jerome sits one the couch nervously biting his nails. D-Train (Ving Rhames) sits across from him calmly puffing on a blunt.

JEROME
Them bugs can be like human bein’s? What
We gone do?

D-Train reaches over to the table and lifts up a can of bug spray.

D-TRAIN
I think we gone need more of this homie….

D-Train presses on the cap and lets out a slight spray. Jerome immediately begins to twitch. D-Train stares him down.

D-TRAIN
Damn… You buggin’ nigga?!

10.8.08

I don't watch the presidental debate. I feel that the candidates don't answer the questions that are really important and relevant to me. Who gives a damn about this thing called economy, it sucks I get it already. Questions need to be asked like...

"Is professional wrestling real?"

"What dinosaur would win in a fight?"

"What offseason moves should the Mets make?"

"Has work begun on a sequel to the Method Man/Redman classic "How High"?"

"How come the Teenage Ninja Turtles only wear a trench coat on city streets, yet no one can recognize them."

8.6.08

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

This is awesome... not only because its one of the greatest music videos and songs of all times, but this is the literal version. This is the way songs should be made, it makes the job of making a music video that much easier. When you really paint a picture like this, a song becomes more novelistic with beautifulism making it Mozartian and aurorian. Ha! Look at that shit! I just so totally made up like 4 words and you probably thought they were real.

Porn Expo

Here is the video from the porno convention I taped. Whenever I do work in the porn or rather adult entertainment industry i am going to use the alias of Malibu Mike. So this video was shot and edited by Malibu Mike.

8.5.08

Lol... I LOVE the biggie impersonator. "Oh Pac... you alive?! I mean... you safe?"

8.4.08

Wow. It has just hit me that our country is in a recession. Our country sucks right now. I know its shocking, but the USA is not the the tip super power in the world. We are falling into a new great depression. What is sick is that our society promotes people like Paris Hilton and says that if we are not living a glamorous lifestyle, we are not truly happy. And they wonder why depression is at an all time high. The most popular music still promotes a lifestyle of having more money then you know how to spend. Who can relate to this besides Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates? We are witnessing something unique here... America is no longer the top dog in the junkyard anymore. I am not feeling optimisic about our future and am feeling quite angry. If I walked by George Bush and he was on fire I would not piss on him. Take down the president. I want to see George Bush dead... make a statement. I hope the FBI  comes to my house and arrests me.... Make me famous you scumbags. You know you fucked us so hard already. This is my test to how much of the internet is really surveyed. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I have never seen my country in such bad shape and hopefully never will again.  I am fucking pissed right now.

Ask Sonic

Dear Sonic,

I really like McDonalds, cars, and rims. What should I do?

From,

Lil Bo

Sonic:  

Movie Week courtesy of the Jews

I have off this whole week thanks to the Jews. Yessir.. cause of the Jews. So this has allowed me to watch movies like a fucking mad man and not change out of my pajamas. I'll have some more reviews coming but heres two of them...

RAMBO

Amazing. The HGH has done wonders for Stallone, making him the size of a bear, and actually making it believable when he rips someone's throat out with his bare hands. This movie makes Blood Diamond feel like Sesame Street. Villages get burned, women raped, babies thrown into fire, and children shot at point blank. It really holds no punches, and the sad part is this shit is really happening in Darfur. So Rambo comes and kills about 400 people and then leaves. The storyline is an after thought, but it somehow works. It doesn't feel epic like the other Rambo's, as Rambo never really suffers. He is in full control through out. He isn't captured or tortured. However, it is much more realistic then the previous entrys. Its not going to win the Oscar but it is incredibly enjoyable.

THE FOOT FIST WAY

This was pretty good. This is the low budget comedy that became the darling of Will Ferrell and Adam McKay. It stars Danny McBride who even landed himself a role in Pineapple Express cause of this. This movie is very enjoyable... wehn your watching it you realize the acting pretty much sucks, and the camerawork looks like its done by a first year student. Its low budget, but that adds to its charm. Its one of the better comedies I've seen in a while. Some of the lines are over the top like Will Ferrell but they are delivered very subtle and realistic. Picture the characters from say Anchorman... if they were really functioning in a real world and were toned down. This is why its so refreshing. I would definetly recommend this film. Its not great, but its very good.