12.29.08

People who know me know I'm ALWAYS talking about deep sea creatures, or as I like to call them....lifes true aliens.

The fact of the matter is that there are fucken monsters in the depths of the abyss. Simple as that, there are monsters down there that will cause you to vomit just by thinking about them. Creatures that ignore logic in their design, and that can confuse the human mind into schizophrenia trying to make sense of the visual.

Up above is another one, one of the oddest creatures I have seen yet. It looks like a bizaaro crystal chandelier floating in space. I often times imagine space creatures to be similar to those found in the deepest parts of the ocean. I can picture a giant version of that thing drifting about in space, landing on planets only to feed.

12.28.08

I was just doing some research... I'm always researching on the internet... I swear to God, I think I have learned more from the internet then school. And speaking of God that's what I happen to be researching. I have recently become obsessed with the Bible and the stories. I take that back... I'm mainly only researching stories from the Old Testament. People don't realize how crazy the OT truly is... The New Testament is boring and all love dovey crap, the OT reads like Greek mythology and God has a higher body count then John Rambo. There was even this religious sect that believed that the "God" in the old testament was actually Satan impersonating him. God is turning motherfuckers to stone, drowning mad heads, you name it. Its shocking that his son Jesus was such a wuss. Jesus being God's son is like Ray Lewis having Perez Hilton as his son. But I was getting info on the story of Cain and Able, you know the one... Cain and Able were brothers and Cain got jealous of Able and killed him. As a punishment God forced him to wander the earth forver. So I saw this little blurb about it and thought it would make an amazing film....


"Though variations on these traditions were strong in medieval times, with several claims of sightings being reported, they have generally gone out of favour. Nevertheless, the Wandering Cain theme has appeared in Mormon folklore (but not scripture)—a second-hand account relates that an early Mormon leader, David W. Patten, encountered a very tall, hairy, dark-skinned man in Tennessee who said that he was Cain. The account states that Cain had earnestly sought death but was denied it, and that his mission was to destroy the souls of men.[46][47] The recollection of Patten's story is quoted in Spencer W. Kimball's The Miracle of Forgiveness, a popular book within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."

Isn't that an awesome idea for a film? Cain still wanders the earth and only wants to die, but knows he can't, so he destroys others people lives. I and I even like the idea of setting it in Tennessee, in a very small rural town. The only negative about it is when I'm imaging this film I keep envisioning "No Country For Old Men". I still this can make a great serious Drama or be dumbed down for a Horror/Thriller. I just feel there is money behind this idea. No one take it, I still mite use it one day.

The Best Of G.I.JOE (Dubbed Voices)

Turkish Star Wars Training Montage

Super Mario: The Movie

INT. MARIOS APARTMENT - DAY

The clock reads three fifteen in the afternoon. Clothes ares thrown about haphazzardly and empty pizza boxes and chicken buckets litter the room.

Mario lays on the couch snorring loudly, looking far from "Super". His overalls covered with chunks of dry throw up. 

RING! RING!

The phone rips Mario out of his sleep, and he reaches under some beer cans and grabs the phone.

MARIO

Hello?

LUIGI

MARIO! Its a the Princess! She has been a taken by the Koopa!

MARIO

Fuck... again?! Every fucking week with this one!

(beat)

 I can't deal with this shit right now.

LUIGI

Yous'e a got to save her!

MARIO

Give me a god damn minute to at least get ready.

LUIGI

Oh a Mario.... can I borrow a twenty dollars for  a some groceries?

MARIO

No. Cause I know your not gonna buy groceries with it.... your gonna spend it on your Newport Lights.

LUIGI

I a quit!

MARIO

Don't give me bullshit! I gotta go get ready to save this idiot...Bye.

Mario hangs up the phone and drops his head into his hands rubbing the top of his skull.

He checks the pizza box and finds a piece of crust and eats it.

He stares at the time on the clock, then stares off into space deep in thought.

He lays back down on the couch.

Mario snores loudly.

12.27.08

Virgin Mary and Joesph (a carpenter) have given birth to Jesus on December 25..... 2008. This is a true story... What do you have to say now Jews?! Huh Jews?!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7800822.stm

12.26.08

Here are two more amazing album covers.

12.25.08

"The Yankees have the highest-paid first basemen, the highest-paid third basemen, the highest-paid shortstop, the highest-paid catcher, the highest-paid starting pitcher and the highest-paid reliever in the history of the game."

-ESPN

"Rooting for the Yankees is like going to a casino and rooting for the house to win." I honestly can not even think about the Yankees without feeling the most extreme anger. What they are doing with their current spending spree represents a lot more then baseball. It represents American capitalism, it represents that spoiled kid in school who always one upped everyone else with materialistic goods, they represent that douchebag who spends 24 hours a day on his car and has pics of it on his MySpace. If you are a Yankee fan, then you are a spoiled brat. "WAHHH WAHH! Daddy I want the playoffs! Give me the playoffs!" Then old Daddy Steinbrenner goes out and spends all the money to shut your big mouth up. Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for Goliath over David. This might be a sick thing of me, but when someone says they love the Yankees spending so much and they don't care how they win, I honestly lose a bunch of respect for them. This current Yankees team is the worst villian in all of sports, even beating out last years Patriots. Its sad, because the Yankees used to have personality. The late 70's teams were bad ass wildmen, and everyone loved the 96 Yankees. Look at this current team... Hank Steinbrenner is proving to be much worse then his father, and the yanks showed a lot of respect to Joe Torre... the most respected man quite possibly every in the orginization. Yup.... more then Ruth and Mantle... who people loved but recognized as drunks and womanizers... and DiMaggio was apparently a dickhead off the field. What have you ever heard said negatively about Joe Torre? This year I will be rooting for the Tampa Bay Rays and even the Red Sox to an extent. My hate for the Yankees far surprasses my love for the Mets . I'd rather see the Yankees NOT make the playoffs then the Mets make it. The Rays defeating this current Yankees team will be one of the greatest American victories of all time, comparable to the Revolution... how can you root for a team that single handedly is about the bring forth a salary cap? And the fact that their doing all this during a Recession, when people are struggling to provide for their families, is a slap in the face of every American citizen. I am honestly contemplating not watching another MLB game until a salary cap is in place.

X-Ass!

Its X-Mas! Time to watch Jean Claude Van Damme movies. Starting this year it will be my new tradition, to watch Van Damme movies all day.  I just rewatched the film "Kickboxer". This is probably the funniest film of all time... honestly. To me this and Nicholas Cages "Wicker Man" are running neck and neck. The acting in those films is so god awful it makes porn actors look like they deserve the Oscar. Go out and watch "Kickboxer" ASAP!

Your dick bleeding?

Last night I was painting. When I'm panting you know X-Mas is approaching, because many a person will get a painting for a gift. So I'm painting and I got some red paint on my my leg. (I paint wildly and violently) So I go to bed that night, and while tossing and turning, I smeared some red paint on my bed sheets. So when I got home today, my dad obviously seeing the paint, asked me, "Your dick bleeding?" No.... I'm actually lying, it was just my dick bleeding again. No truthfully tho... it was paint.

12.22.08

This is the greatest thing SNL has ever done.

The Wrestler

"The Wrestler" is the top movie of 2008. Hell, it might even be in my top 10 of all time... it's that good.  This films tops all the rest by leaps and bounds, topping right above "Burn After Reading For Me". And for those "Dark Knight" groupies, I think that film is average and that "Iron Man" is the better superhero movie. Lets get to the "Wrestler" movie.

The movie has some similarities to "Rocky" and a story similar to "Rocky Balboa", just take out many of the feel good moments. This film is gritty and real. Even the picture is drained and far from vibrate... it kind of feels like watching a movie on VHS. The pacing is a throwback to classic films of the 70's, and isn't coked up like today's standards. The film is sad, but there are some really funny comedic moments. The comedy is similar to that that Rocky provides. Most of the comedy is the fact that Mickey Rourke is out of touch with today's society and the whole ridiculousness of the professional wrestling industry. But the comedic relief is necessary, because you don't want a film that takes itself too serious. I was laughing out loud really hard at some points. The cinematography is amazing, utilizing handheld work to give it a more authentic feel. The camera tends to follow behind Mickey Rourke a lot, putting us more in his shoes and adding more impact to the close-ups of beaten face.

Now I read some negative reviews to see what people could possibly not like about this film. The main problem they have is that the film is too realistic, and doesn't pull no punches or cut the camera away. When Rourke is getting staples pulled out of his back, you will see it in all its gory detail. Just like real life, you have to deal with it....the camera doesn't cut away last second for your benefit, just like life often times does not do things for your benefit. This film also might have one of the goriest scenes I have ever seen.... Not to give it away, but it takes place while Rourke is working in a deli. They also say the nudity from Marisa Tomei is excessive. She's a stripper. They tend to be naked a lot.

To find faults in this film one really has to nitpick. I honestly can't think of anything wrong with it. Mick Foley, a professional wrestler, wrote a review of it, and he said it was a perfect rendition of the wrestling world after the glory. I recommend to this movie to anyone, and then I recommend you go out and rent the documentary, "Beyond The Mat". A lot of Mickey Rourke's character comes from the Jake "The Snake" segments in that film. Go out and see this one now.

Top News Stories of 2008

http://www.asylum.com/2008/05/27/mechaphiliac-admits-to-having-sex-with-1-000-cars/


What? This guy is not attracted to humans anymore.. only cars. He has had sex with 1,000 cars. Huh? How do you have sex with a car? Do you stick your dick in the gas tank?



http://www.khou.com/topstories/stories/khou080508_tj_pothead.df5885e1.html

Here's another story that's not short on crazy. Some teenagers dug out the corpse of a 11 year old child and converted the skull into a bong. Nice.



http://gawker.com/5030531/dead-monster-washes-ashore-in-montauk

Then there was this... jeez, what the fuck is that?! This monster that washed up on a beach in Montauk. Thank god its dead whatever it is. Too ugly to live.



http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory?id=4984659

Then there's this guy who plowed his car into a bicycle race. The pic in the article is one of the coolest photos of the year.



http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/topstories/news-article.aspx?storyid=115369&catid=15

Then this idiot who called 911 twice because Subway wasn't making his sandwiches right.




http://guanabee.com/2008/09/woman-dressed-as-cow-makes-bes.php

Heres a huge black woman who pissed on her neighbors porch while dressed as a cow... complete with an amazing mugshot.

Iron Sheik VS Fake King Kong Bundy

amazing too

Iron Sheik Uses Beer Bottle to Humble!

amazing

12.18.08

I love this friggin video.... theres something eerie about the footage used, the lyrics, and the melody. The quick flashes of the smiling Cobain's is odd too. I have had this recent obsession with Kurt Cobain, watching tons of footage and and reading info about him. Its like i never realized the aura this man had until just now. I also feel that a lot of Heath Ledgers character draws a lot of inspiration from Kurt. I read that Heath said Johnny Rotten was his inspirational source, but I see much more Cobain.... another film character inspired by him...  especially in the looks department is Tyler Durden... look at the pics above... anyone else see it?

Also saw "The Wrestler". Don't walk.... RUN to go see it. I'm listing it as my film of 2008 right now... but i got to think that over before I finalize that claim. I'll have a full review soon.

Great Album Covers

MOST EXPLICIT RAP SONG EVER!!!

I have finally found it! I have found the most vile, dirtiest, explicit rap song of all time. I have been searching a long time to find this... leading to many a DMX song... but here it is... I present to you Plies "Get You Wet". These are lyrics that would




Here are the lyrics to the second verse; the most vile in all of rap.

HOOK:
Bet if i suck on dat pussy *bet* dat'll get you wet
An rub my hand on dat clit *bet* dat'll get you wet
And rub my tounge down ya neck *bet* dat'll get you wet
Bet if i suck on dem tities bet dat'll get you wet

VERSE:
if i can't hear dat pussy smackin' it ain't wet enough
need to be able to hear it when i got you in a buck
need to see that pink shinnin when i open her up
pussy full of juices nigga hittin nuthin but guts
gotta be able to get you leekin before i fuck
and got to get you off first before i neven nut
i love ta run down on a broad dat got a soaker super wet pussy
you can hear it when you stroke her,
nigga whole stomach be wet
when it's over had to throw away my sheets cuz she left a puddle
Wet pussy wit no smell a muthafucka
Pussy so wet feel like she pissed on her self
pussy already drippin she aint need my help
gotta fuck her on da floor she leek everywhere
You can nut and go to sleep i don't even care
a street nigga wet pussy good for his health


Oh my lord! We got some real Blood Diamonds in there...
"Need to see that pink shinnin when I open her up"
"Pussy full of juices nigga hittin nuthin but nut."

"Wet pussy wit no smell a muthafucka." Thats funny, cause that was exactly my yearbook quote.
That bitch got that wet super soaker pussy!

Video Games

I must say... I am officially a "gamer" again. Growing up a product of the mid-80's, Nintendo and Mario were a huge part of my life. I had Nintendo early on and mastered ever Mario brothers, I had Mario products and used to watch Lou Albano's rendition daily. Then came Super Nintendo.... So many great games for this... and I was a Nintendo loyalist... No Sega products in my house. SNES provided me with some great times, and my loyalty to Ninendo was going to continue to Nintendo 64. At this time some of my friends were getting Playstations. I remember playing such games as Twisted Metal and Crash Bandicoot and thinking how awesome they were, but I still waited for my N64. Finally I got N64 and Mario 64 kicked my ass, but then there was nothing. After that, no other game really grabbed my attention and I finally gave in and bought a Playstation. Playstation was a wonderful system defined for me by Castlevania, Twisted Metal 2, and of course... Final Fantasy 7. Thinking back on it now, Playstation was probably the best gaming system of all time. The next system I bought was Playstation 2. I had some fun with it, but overall it wasn't that great. Definetly not as good as Playstation and I decided I had enough of Sony and gaming in general. I basically stopped playing video games entirely as my PS2 gathered dust. I had no interest in XBOX and honestly have probably only played it twice in life. PS3 and XBOX 360 were coming and I could care less... but then I saw this thing called the Nintendo Wii. The controller looks like a TV remote, and its cheap! So i bought a Wii and played my Wii tennis and deemed this the future of gaming... even my dad  would play Wii and he HATES video games. As good as Wii is, it is intended for a group, and I got bored with it and found myself not playing video games again. So about 2 months ago on a whim I bought a used XBox 360 for 200 bucks. Wow. 3 games in and this is already in running for one of my favorite systems of all time. I hardly ever beat a video game... I usually get to the last boss and just quit for whatever reason... but I beat all 3 of these games. When I finish these games I put the controller down and have the same feeling as when I just finished watching a great movie... I go to message boards and read theories on the story and the characters, the same thing I do after a great film. The line between movies and video games is becoming very blurred. Here are 3 amazing games for XBox 360 everyone must play....

Dead Space - This is one of the scariest things I have ever dealt with. I grew up watching Freddy Kreuger, and it is damn near impossible for me to be freightend by a movie. However... I find video games to be much better at scaring you. The main reason is because you are in control. When you watch a horror movie, you find yourself more angry and frusturated at how dumb the character is. In the video game, you have no one to blame for a death besides yourself. Play this game in the dark, and i don't care how tough you think you are, you will be scared. There was one point where this game got so horrifying that I literally almost put the controller down and said "Fuck This". If you are a fan of the horror genre, this is an experience you must partake in.

Dead Rising - I love Dawn of the Dead. It has this campiness about it and I love how it pokes fun at consumerism by using zombies... Fuck, I love anything with zombies. This game is Dawn of the Dead. You are in a mall... you can use any item for any store.. you can even shop for clothing. This game is one of the most fun games just to run around and play. There is so much going on and no one is telling you where to go and when. You can essentially leave the game running for a day and "beat" it. Its up to you if you are going to hunt down survivors, or do the missions and eventually wind up fighting the military. Now besides for the zombies, you also have to deal with psychopaths, evil clowns, rapist female lesbian cops, a cult, and gang members. And another thing I love about this game, is for whatever reason... it oozes 80's style. 

Gears of War 2 - Fuck me. Playing this game is like shoving steroids in your ass. Playing this game is like double teaming the Statue of Liberty with Chuck Norris, while Barry Bonds injects steroids in your ass, while your watching all of the Rocky and Rambo movies. This game is the bad assness of every machismo 90's action movie crammed onto a disc and amplified by 10. Playing this game will put hair on your chest.

12.10.08

Someone managed to take a video of me dancing in a club in Vietnam.... oh and I kick some guys asses too.

The Shining

Heres the trailer for this new movie called "The Shining". I dont know... this one doesn't look too good... looks very formulaic and boring.

12.8.08

"MLK Jr. KILLED BY SNIPER!!!"

Heres the most absurd moment of this week.. possibly the month. I'm in class today and a couple of people are giving final presentations.  This one guy goes up to the podium with this mysterious box, which he says will be revealed later, and gives a speech on the Civil Rights Movement. He then opens up the box to reveal a vintage actual copy of the NY Daily News the day after Martin Luther King Jr. was killed. It shows a picture of his face and reads, "MLK JR. KILLED BY SNIPER!"  So now here is where it gets unintentionally funny. He then says that he wants to get a class photo with all of us posing with the paper. So the whole class gathers around and the teacher holds up the paper with a huge smile like Truman after winning the war. We all stand around with smiles from ear to ear and thumbs way the fuck up. No one thinks nothing of it until one guy says, "I felt a little uncomfortable posing with that paper." Then it dawned on me we took part in one of the most unintentional racist photos ever. I imagine many a Klu Klux Klan member posed for the exact same photo the day after the assasination. Thank god the majority of the class is black, or it would be really bad.

12.7.08

You think online Poker is cool? Well.... its not. As a matter of fact, poker is not cool anymore. Poker was cool when it was played by Cowboys and sleezy guys in leather jackets and hawain shirts. Now it is played by every fat loser in between their online games of Call of Duty.

12.3.08

This video brings a tear to my eye... his voice is beautiful

Lil Jon Guest On Lazy Town

Rocky 4

As I type this I'm watching Rocky 4. As a kid, Rocky 4 was probably my favorite in the series. (as I got older it became very obvious Rocky 1 is the best) Now I realize why I loved it so much. It is without a doubt the most testosterone bad ass manly oozing machismo film of all time. Watching this movie is like shoving a steroided needle up your ass. There is hardly NO story... fuck, there is hardly NO dialogue. Watching this film is like getting fucked in the ass by a Bald Eagle while draped in an American flag. Most Rocky films have 1 short montage, this movie is ALL montages.. I think 4 or so... 2 amazing training montages with Rocky running up a mountain screaming "DRAGO", and the awesome late night drive where rock reflects on his demons to a 80's ballad. Watching this movie will put hair on your chest. If you can watch this film and not want to go lift some weights or go running immediately after you should go and turn your balls in. I also love the fact that it spits in the face of technology... Drago uses all the high tech equipment... and GASP steroids... while Rocky is lifting fucking rocks and logs and pulling Paulie on a fucking sleigh... and he still wins! God damn this movie kicked my ass.

12.2.08

If a picture is worth a thousand words then this one just might be worth a million. First off, by looking at the extreme look of disgust on the faces of Jay-Z and Beyonce, it is fairly obvious that they are at a New York Knicks game. Then we have to look at this new "high fashion" started by Kanye West... is the main objective to look as nerdy as humanly possible? Jay-Z  has turned into Stever Urkel....Did I do that?! I miss the days when my rappers wore backwards bandannas, oversized jerseys, and Coogi sweaters. I miss the days when rappers looked like they game from the street, not like they just stepped out of a coffee shop in yuppie Brooklyn. Now for the final and most bizarre observation... look at the white kid in the back... Jesus, who beat the shit out of him?

12.2.08

I am still and always will be a Plaxico Burress fan. I don't know why but I never got a bad vibe from him. He just seems like a good guy to me,  a very confused guy, but good none the less. And this is not just because I'm a Giants fan. Plax just doesn't seem malicious to me... unlike Pacman Jones. Pacman just comes off as a dick and a troublemaker. Plax seems like someone who came from a very hard upbringing and  and was never able to really escape that mentality. From all the accounts I read of him, and I know a girl who hung out with him a couple of times, he is suppose to be a really nice guy. I t

hink the problem with him is that he truly doesn't love the sport of football. Its his living but he doesn't seem to put it first. I still find it funny he caught flack for putting his children before practice. And the fact is that he doesn't show up to practice and what not, because it seems he simply does not care that much.

I think it sucks that he is going to be made example of by Bloomberg. The fact of the matter is he is going to spend 2 years in jail at the very least. I hope Plax is able to get everything together, and if it means stepping away from football so be it. I know a lot of sports analysts are saying the giants should clean their hands of him, but I strongly disagree. You don't throw someone to the dogs when they hit bottom, and if a team is indeed a family, you take care of your family member. Yeah its a living, but its a GAME.... sometimes things have to come before winning.

One other thing.... I just listened to Bizzy Bone "The Gift". This was the second album from the Bone Thugs N Harmony member and in my list of my top 10 favorite albums of all time. I have listened to this album A LOT. Its weird, cause whenever I listen to it I think of 9/11. I bought this album on like the 9 of September and was actually listening to it on the bus home from school on 9/11. I was pumping these tunes and looking out the window at the smoke filled skies and the bumper to bumper traffic. There was so much traffic i wound up listening to it like 3 times straight. The album has a very odd and unique sound. I have never heard anything like it, and it doesn't feel right to categorize it as rap. Damn... I'm listening to this album right now and words can't explain how much I love this album. It puts me in a mood like hardly any other album.... the music has become somewhat haunting, and the sounds help. This album wasn't mainstream at all, doesn't feature guest spots, and has very deep lyrics. I really wish this album wouldve got the praise it deserved, as it is definetly in my top 5 favorite rap albums of all time.

12.1.08

I'm cummin on the walls! Cummin on the bed! Cummin in my hand! Cummin on the couch! Cummin on the TV!  Wait huh? Well let me just say I found an AMAZING deal online... a deal that has got me very damn excited. This is probably the greatest deal I have EVER and will probably ever stumble across. This deal makes me feel like I just beat the recession. This is the type of deal you tell your grandkids. If this deal was in Wal-Mart, I would trample someone to death just to get it.

What is it? It is the complete Rocky box set.... it includes Rocky 1 to Rocky 5 and even the new Rocky Balboa film. How much do you think this goes for on Amazon... 6 DVD's...take a guess... 20 FUCKIN BUCKS! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I can NOT fucking believe it. 20 fucking bucks! AMAZING! I can't even post the link here cause its too good... but if you want it go to Amazon and search for Rocky.

Holy shit... Update... They are also selling the Nightmare on Elm Street box set... thats 9 movies... for 22 bucks. Un-fucking-belivable.

11.30.08

Which Olsen Twin do you think is hotter. In the gold is Mary Kate Olsen and in the black is Ashley Olsen. I could never tell them apart... but it should be much easier now that one of them has turned into a hunchbacked witch. BTW, Mary Kate Olsen is the one who had a hand in the Heath Ledgers death.... Karma is a bitch.

This is the best anti-drug ad I have ever seen. Ashley is the one who stayed clean and sober.

11.27.08

Well I know what I want for Christmas this year... That would be these dope new Nike Court Force Lux's. I'm assuming the Lux stands for luxury. These are hot as fuck and just dropped in one spot in NYC and some stores in Japan. These use high end materials and look to be strictly for the grown and sexy. I don't know which color way is hotter, I was originally leading towards the grey ones but I really need a nice pair of black kicks. The price tag is $110... I actually thought it would be higher.

Also!!!! If you want to watch one of the most bizaare movies of all time, go to www.Hulu.com (register, its free) and check out the film, "Naked Lunch". This movie is a real mindfuck and the perfect companion to drug usage.

11.25.08

You wanna know how I know I'm a lazy fuck... When I set my alarm clock I set it one hour ahead of the actual time I want to wake up. Why? Cause I'm too lazy to change it cause of Daylight Savings Time. I have been doing this since then and not once have I questioned it until today. Today while setting it I realized how absurd it was. You wanna know how else I know I'm a lazy fuck? I'm setting the alarm clock for 1 in the afternoon. 

11.24.08

People are idiots. Plain and simple. If you are giving something away for free it does not matter what it is, people will come clamoring for it. I could say I'm giving away free HIV infected shit (I know its not possible but bear with me) and have a line around the block. Lets look at a news story from today.. So here a little info; Today Guns 'N Roses highly anticipated album, "Chinese Democracy" came out (it is actually quite good). Dr.Pepper was so sure it would not be released before 2008 that it bet the world that if it came out, everyone would get a free Dr.Pepper. Not as good as it seems tho... you have to go on their website and register. Lets look at the news story:

We never thought this day would come," Tony Jacobs, Dr. Pepper's vice president of marketing, said in a statement. "But now that it's here, all we can say is: The Dr. Pepper's on us." - so they announced everywhere that for one day only, you could register to receive a free bottle of Dr. Pepper on their website. Problem is they were obviously ill planned for their flood of traffic - and expectantly crashed their servers. Even their toll free phone line was jammed, where callers were waiting for hours to get in on the free soda.

Wait a sec... People were waiting for hours on the phone for a free god damn soda?! HOURS?! Are people that fucking cheap? Has the recession hit us that hard? You are willing to drive up your phone bill and wait for hours instead of spending a buck twenty-five? If you are someone that waited on the phone today for hours for a free fuckn soda... you are an idiot.

Burn After Reading

Wow. What a fun film. I was very surprised with how much I enjoyed it. There is rarely a dull moment, and for a feature length film, it feels more like your watching a half hour episode of Seinfeld. It just flies by, but is enjoyable throughout. Thats probably the biggest flaw, as it doesn't feel overly epic, and you would like some of the characters to be more fleshed out and given more of a backstory. The ending feels a little weird although it is funny, and doesn't give as much resolution as I would have liked, but it appears the Cohen Brothers aren't big on Hollywood endings. All in all I have to recommend this film to everyone. Brad Pitts character is genius... as a gay gym instructor. This character has to be one of the all time greatest male ditzes. The best way to describe the plot is as one character says, a "clusterfuck". Its a whole lot of crazy, filled with twists and turns and laughs galore. Great movie.

11.21.08

What the fuck is "Twilight" and why is it having one of the biggest weekend box offices of all time. The numbers I'm hearing... its going to be #20 of ALLS THE TIMES as far as opening weekend. I saw a billboard and could've sworn Twilight was nothing more then a gay porno. Just look at that pic above... it looks like an advertisement for "HIV AIDS". That honestly is one of the gayest looking things I have ever seen. Apparently this is some sort of teen vampire movie. Listen up Kiddos, this movie has been done already and done MUCH better... its a little classic I grew up on called "The Lost Boys". Those vampires were bad ass - Keifer Sutherland - 80's glam rock - bad mofo's.... These vampires are ummm.... Metrosexual - HIV Positive - Faux Hawk wearing - lameitories. Don't go see this movie... thats an order!

11.21.08

I am so amped for this movie... I have not heard one bad thing about this film, and I'm hearing Rourke is a lock for an Oscar. This leads my list of most anticipated films, followed by "Tyson" and "JCVD". Here's a fun fact for you.... I might be appearing in this film. I went to a shoot and was front row in the crowd, and got a close up... so we will see. This could be my big break. Shit, maybe I will win an Oscar too. I really nailed the portrayal of pissed off drunk New Jerseyian wrestling fan.

Scariest Shit Ever

You have to love fetishists. They are some of the most bizarre people in the world and make Buffalo Bills portrayal look tame. Somehow I stumbled upon this weird fetish and it has probably scarred me forever. I really wish I had not seen these things... so now I'm going to make sure I'm not the only one haunted by this shit. I am going to start first with the photo evidence of one of the freakiest fetishes out there..... mask fetish.











HA HA HA! These fucking people look like the things out of my worst fucking nightmares. Can you honestly believe that this really exists? Imagine seeing that coming walking over you. I would pull out my knife in a heartbeat. I really want to make a horror movie where this is what the killer looks like. This a lot more god damn scary then Mike Meyers, Jason, and Freddy combined. Now lets go onto the video evidence... courtesy of youtube. The funniest part about the youtube videos is if you look at the comments... people saying how beautiful the person and the mask is. Jesus... watch this at your own risk. Oh and apparently this is really big in Japan. *GASP* *SHOCK* Big in Japan? Can you believe it?

88 Keys - Death Of Adam

I must say... for a long time rap music was very formulaic and innovation was a lost art form. Rap was very commercial and not interested in integrity, but rather the quick buck. Times are changing. If you look at the rap scene, there are a lot of great new hip hop artists. Amazing musicians who claim their influences are Biggie Smalls and Pink Floyd. Is this broad herizon of influences that is leading to some amazing albums. Up above we have the newest album from 88 Keys called the Death of Adam. This is a concept album about a man named Adam, who is looking for some sex and winds up dying. It is a pretty funny and interesting story. Now for 88 Keys.... he is a producer first and rapper second. His rapping is frankly not that good... as he uses a weird megaphone effect and has the same flow patterns as Kanye West. The thing is, I think he realizes he isn't that great, because he doesn't rap on the album a whole lot. He has people like Kanye, Phonte, Kid Cudi, and an amazing performance by Redman. The production on this album is some of the best I have ever heard. The beats are simply amazing, and the tracks are so god damn catchy. This is a guy who set out to make a good album, not just a hit single. I think he definitely succeeded and I recommend this album to everyone. Just keep an open mind.

Another album coming out real soon is Kanye West's new album.. "808's and Heartbreak". I' have heard the majority of it and I am very impressed. I really didn't think I would like it, as I wasn't impressed with "Love Lockdown" or "Robocop". I'm also extremely sick of that fucking auto-tune shit that T-Pain made popular. While Kanye does use vocal effects on nearly every song, its not so overdone as Love Lockdown. This man is truly a musical genius and I think this will push him even further. This is not a rap CD... Kanye said his biggest influence for this album was Phil Collins.....you can tell by the song structures and the drums. This album has a really sad feel to it and Kanye's outlook on life has changed. He talks about looking for the "Good Life" his whole life but actually losing himself in the process. The production is amazing as you would expect, and has a very electronic sound with tribal sounding drums. This album is going to be huge and critically praised or flop and be viewed as a side project for Kanye. Give it a listen, but I don't think its for everyone. The  songs that have really stuck out to me so far are, "Streetlight" "Coldest Winter" "Welcome To Heartbreak"

Chu' Know that Juno sucks?

When I die and go to hell I know what I will see....  A giant television playing the movie "Juno" on repeat. I watched all of 10 minutes of it today before I had to shut it off. Go to a coffee house with the most pretentious beanie wearing hipsters and BS with them all the while blasting the "coolest" new indie rock songs. This movie actually made me want to declare war on America. If there are people who find this movie "hip" in this country, I am willing to fight against it. Ughhh. I feel like I just threw up and cant get that taste out of my mouth. The main character, Ellen Page, has to be the least likable character in the history of cinema. Just that actress in general... she is so annoying that I rooted for the child porn perv in "Hard Candy". I don't know why people find this movie so cutting edge... This character is "Daria" and Jeneanie Garofolo. Same exact style and that style sucks. Don't watch this movie and don't let your kids watch it... because they might start acting like that idiot. Michael Cera is good in it as the lovable loser as always. He gets spared. Everyone else in this abolishment that is pro teen pregnancy should be put to death by stoning. There is actually a line in this film that says, "I Swear to Blog". Wow. It makes me want to quit writing on this fucker. And also... I feel this might be the whitest film ever made. This shit must be like kryptonite to black people. I'm a white guy and this film was even too white for me. I don't know who the hell this movie is for besides hipsters and teenage white girls in the suburbs.  And one more thing... see I'm angry and rambling now... every freaking character talks the same! All the dialogue is the same! Every character is so "witty" and quick, with a "hilarious" insult ready at the drop of the hat. Fuck this movie and fuck Diablo Cody. This movie is nothing more then racist propaganda... I've gotten so angry thinking about this crap that I need to scroll down and watch the Frankie Vallie video just to get my smile back.

11.11.08

This is something I find hilarious even tho I really shouldn't. For a period of time I was taking the sleeping drug Ambien for recreational use. I would put me in a dream like state and give me a sense of euphoria. It also takes away some inhibitions, but its not all positive as it gives you amnesia like a mofo. Anyway, when your on it, sometimes you will feel very creative. I would write very rough outlines and actually come up with some good story ideas and what not. Well, I started to get cocky and decided that I would only write my school papers while on the drug. Bad idea. I just got 2 papers back that were written under the influence and my grades were a 60 and a F. This was absolutely shocking to me... cause as soon as I finished writing them I felt like I was the next Hemmingway. I was confident in them that I didn't even bother to proof read them. When I got them back and re-read them, it was like reading a post on this blog.... a post on this blog if I was drunk and angry. The papers were written the exact same way as I type on here... with spelling errors, poor grammar, and abbreviations like IMO. One paper contained the word "FUCK" in it twice, while the other actually contained the line, "The movie "The Grand Hotel" is the suck." HA HA HA. Fuck ya life. I'm lucky from some bizaare reason that my grades are amazing so far, so I can take this setback. If i could go back and re-do them I wouldn't. College is one of the biggest joke scams in the United States... I take that back. It is the biggest joke scam in America. I'm sick of the bullshit and its time I treat it as the joke it is. I confronted the teacher about the paper too. She said it was too opinionated. What?! I told her I was sorry I had free thought and didn't just "copy & paste" like 90% of the other students. Is that what you want you whorish women? To read the same god damn thing over and over copied straight from the textbook? I'm just trying to add some arregano to the sauce baby. Did I learn my lesson? Nope. I'm gonna shoot up H before I write my next paper. I want my teacher to literally become schizophrenic from reading the crazy that will be spewed onto my paper.

11.11.08

This is one of the best songs of all the times. The singing in this is amazing. I am convinced that this is hands down the most fun song in the world to sing along with. Right now let out at... "They dont cry-aye-aye!" Feels good doesn't it? You don't know how disappointed I was when old Meth Face (Fergie) released a song with the same title that had nothing to do with this version.

11.11.08

Saving Boxing

There was a boxing match tonight... does anyone even know? Does anyone even care? I think the HBK Series, "24/7" was one of the best things to happen to boxing, and Floyd Mayweather was just starting to get boxing to have that big event feel.... but then he retired. So the question is... how would I fix boxing?

First off, the 24/7 show should be for EVERY major fight. In todays reality show driven world, this does a lot more for promotion then confrences and appearances.

Next up I would have some bigger fights on HBO and Showtime and cut back on PPV's. Also for PPV's, instead of just one big fight, I would greatly improve the undercard so at least 2 fights have a big feel to them. This is a cue from WWE and even UFC have better undercards then boxing.

Now for my major plan. First off we get a network or cable channel. We take another page from UFC and their highly successful show, "The Ultimate Fighter". Basically the same format and a reprise of "The Contender". A bunch of heavyweight boxers living in a house and training, split into two teams. Unlike the contender... the fights aren't shot gimmicky and are straight up uncut fights, like the Ultimate Fighter.

Now for the tie in. A little while back, George Foreman said he could make Mike Tyson into a champion again... well do it. A new reality show about the reconstruction of Mike Tyson. This one I would pitch to a premium channel so it can be uncut and raw. Team him up with Foreman and some of the best trainers available. Show all the trials and tribulations.

Now for the big event... You have the winner of the reality show vs. Mike Tyson. Yup. Thats right. The Young Tiger vs. The Old Lion. Whoever wins... boxing wins. Either you have an amazing comeback story, or you have the next big up and comer in boxing. Tyson can still draw, and people still respect him. This fight would draw, and then you can set the winner up against the heavyweight champ. And if you don't think Tyson is entertaining just watch this video below... Who else can say "I'll eat your asshole alive you bitch!' and "I'll fuck you till you love me you faggot!"

11.7.08

I was just thinking about something today.... When I was watching the election coverage the other day, there was a black women, and they asked her why she voted for Obama. She was very blunt, and said she voted for him because he is black. Thats cool, at least shes honest. The main reason I voted for him is because he is a smoker. Ok... I'm lying... I didn't actually vote. *gasp* What the hell was I talking about? Oh yeah.... Now imagine if they interviewed some white guy and asked him why he voted for McCain. What if he replied, "Because he is white." He would be labeled as a racist. The question I have is this... is it possible to have white pride and not be considered a racist?

Now I understand, the whites are not the minority and we have not faced suppression, so we don't have that underdog/stick together mentality. But when it comes to basketball and boxing, we are the minority. I'm not ashamed to admit that the main reason I root for David Lee on the Knicks is because he is white. A good white basketball player in the NBA is a rarity, and I feel proud of him being a fellow white man. I don't think this is racist, it is important to be proud of what you are... wether it be white, black, latino, native american or even... a JEW! Its just that it seems white pride is always immediatly associated with racism. And then looking back on it, I realized that I just love rooting for an underdog. The white guy in basketball, a black guy in hockey, a native american in baseball (yes they have tho).

I'm actually feeling really good about Obama being elected. A lot of people just seem to be happier, and people are feeling good about this country again. I see flags everywhere and the rise of patriotism.. real patriotism, not that god awful fake shit that occurred after 9/11. With the election of Obama I really feel the world view of America has changed for the positive. America is now cool and hip, not run by some dumb hick.

And this election might actually help to ease up racism. I would like to see it gone for good, but that can never realistically happen. However I feel this is a step in the right direction. It's funny to me, that someone can hate some one based just on the color of their skin. Its like buying a bag of M&M's and refusing to eat the green ones. I got news for you racists... where all from the same damn place. And if my geography lessons remain sharp, I could swear that human life originated in Africa. So basically everyone is black/white/native american/whatever the hell came first. The skin pigment just depends on what part of the earth the people migrated too.

I have never felt there has been a bigger divide between the North and the South as there is right now.... oh yeah, The Civil War... forgot about that one. It's like this country is really two different countries. The people in the north feel the south is dumb uneducated hicks, and the south feels the north are spoiled gay liberals. Just look at the polls across the map, I don't recall them ever being so lopsided as they have been the past couple of years.

11.6.08

http://www.smthop.com/articles1details.asp?NewsNum=1142

That article above is hilarious. How can it not be when the headline is, "Obama Win Bittersweet for Detroit Residents Hoping to Riot".

11.6.08

Holy Fuck! What?! What?! What?! No Fuckin Way! No Fuckin Way! How in the hell?! They have working fucking holograms now?!?! I honestly can not believe it at all. That is one of the most incredible things I have ever seen. Im very glad they are using this amazing technology for such a good reason, like interviewing the asshole from Black Eyed Peas. If the dinosaurs already didn't prove there is no God then this certainly does.

Barrack YoMamma!

DO YOU SMELL WHAT BARACK IS COOKING?!

http://baracktmnds.ytmnd.com/

This is the main reason why McCain lost. Sarah Palin might be the single dumbest person walking on this earth. When she speaks, it is nothing more then an incoherent rambling. In this video you can even see how pissed off McCain is with her, and realizing that this dumb idiot just cost him the election. Man... I watch this video and can not believe how anyone could've voted for McCain,knowing that this bimbo could've ended up as president if he died. She can not even name ONE friggin newspaper or magazine. Every answer she gives sounds like me trying to bullshit my way out of a question in a Math class. She does not answer one question.... she dances around it and winds up saying a whole lot of nothing, stumbling all over her words. I would LOVE to see a debate between her and George Bush. I still can't believe that the Republican party thought putting this beauty queen as the VP candidate was a good idea, it has to be one of the biggest gaffles of all time. She might honestly be one of the dumbest people I have ever heard... I hope that she goes into hiding in that same cave with Bin Laden and is never ever seen again. Good Bye you brain dead ho fo sho!

Now onto our President Barack Obama... I want to say a few things. There have been such huge expectations put onto him that there is no way he will be able to live up to them. People are treating him like the second coming of God. Unless he walks on water and turns wine into beer, he will disappoint the masses. Another thing this election showed to me was the secret underlying racism in our country. I know some white people who wouldn't vote for him simply because he was black. Some white people are honestly afraid that him becoming president is going to lead to race wars or something... Like the whites will have to give up 40 acres all of a sudden.

Heres the scary thing... Democrats have the major majority in the house and the senate. There is basically no way the Republicans can override anything. Even if you are a Democrat, you don't want things to be so one sided. As of right now there are 54 Democrats in the Senate and 40 Republicans. That is pretty lopsided... thats kinda Nazi Germany Hitler status right there....

Overall I felt change was necessary so I'm satisfied with Obama. I have never liked a politican in my life and probably never will. So now the United States has its second ever black president. (Bill Clinton) I'm hoping the front page of the New York Post is a a photoshopped version of the White House painted black with the headline: "THE BLACK HOUSE".

Tropic Thunder

Ok... it must be said. The Dark Knight is probably the most overrated movie of all time. Was it a good superhero movie? Yeah. Was it a great movie? Not so much. And for my money, if you want superheroes... go see Iron Man it is better. Well back to Dark Knight.... everybody was clamoring about Heath Ledgers performance and how he deserves best supporting actor. I was thinking the same up until I saw Tropic Thunder last night. No... that honor should go to Robert Downey Jr. Wow. Just look at these two quotes from his character:

Kirk Lazarus: Yo asshole! This motha' fucka's dead. Ain't no Criss Angel Mindreak, David Baline trapdoor horse shit jumpin off here!

Kirk Lazarus: I'm just like a little boy, playin' with his dick when he's nervous.

Genius! Watching this movie you will honestly forget that Downey is a white man. And then later on he turns into an Australian and he is perfect at that too. And as good as Downey is... Tom Cruise might even be better. He is so good that you will honestly forget that he is batshit crazy and in a cult. There is also another amazing character played by Danny McBride ("Foot Fist Way"). What sets this movie high above a Will Ferrell movie is that the story is not an afterthought. The characters are well fleshed out and go through an emotional change, and it doesn't feel forced or fake.  The movie starts off as a tongue in cheek look at Hollywood (the opening fake trailers are phenomenal, especially Fatties: Fart 2) and winds up turning into an action film in the third act.

There are some negatives however. I didn't find Jack Black's character all that funny. The drug addict jokes got a little stale pretty quickly, and his character seemed more over the top then the rest and felt like he had the least progression. The third act with all the action also felt a little weird.

But this is a great film, and will be even funnier for anyone that has worked on a film set. Some of it reminded me a lot of the Entourage episodes when they are on the Median set. I'm kind of surprised it was as popular as it was, but it definitely deserved to be.