Mind Fucking

Dear Diary,

Today I watched Synecdoche, New York by Charlie Kaufman in directorial debut and destroyed my mind. After watching the also awesomely amazing "Doubt", I truly consider Phillip Seymour Hoffman one of the best actors of our time. Anyway back to Synecdoche... it might be the most bizarre movie I have ever seen. It makes David Lynch movies seem to predictable. In the movie the lead is losing his mind and along the way the viewer has no idea how much time has passed or what is real and what's not. This movie honestly made me pause it midway thru and just check my mind and digest everything. The film literally almost pushed me into a delirium. Watching it is similar to taking a hallucinogenic drug. BTW Roger Ebert named this the best film of the decade.

Sincerely Yours,

Jesse Botz

Yelawolf

Here is a link to some of the best hip hop I have heard in a while. It comes from this white Southern rapper named Yelawolf from Alabama. He sorta sounds like a mix between old school Andre 3000 from Outkast, Snoop Dogg, and Lil Wayne. This particular mixtape is called "Stereo" and every beat is an insane sample of a classic rock song. He sorta looks like Travis Barker and he is a skater. Anyway here is the link, I really suggest this... he will probably blow up pretty soon.

YELAWOLF - STEREO

Walrus sucks own dick

Yup... the title is pretty much to the point. thats not even my title, thats from some thespian on the youtube. I thought I was hot shit because I saw a Walrus jerking off... God damn, to tell the masses that story was the reason I started this effing blog. If I saw this my head would of exploded a la Scanners. This is like staring into the eyes of God, or french kissing Jesus. At first I thought this was the Tiger Wood sex tape no homo.

Shocking Deaths

Something I've become fascinated with lately... Killing off the main character of the film about a third of the way thru, switching a secondary to lead and having him finish the film off. Think "Departed" and what they did with Leo. When Leo took a bullet to the head I have not seen a theatre react in such shock before. Those of us knew that the Wahlberg payoff was coming but many thought the film was really going to end on a somber note. Its hit the audience pretty hard, it took a second to get your mind back into the movie... you were really thrown for a loop.

Spoiler ahead.... there's one movie I think might do the surprise better... that would be 'To Live and Die in L.A." It might contain the most memorable death scene ever in a film. The main character (played by the underrated William Petersen) eats a shotgun to the face about a quarter into the film. This is the same person who we have spent the whole film with. The death is not even dramatic or anything. He chases some bad guys and one of them pulls a shotgun out of a locker and blows him to death in real time. Theres no slo-mo and his partner is not even given a chance to mourn as he is thrust into the lead and continues chasing the bad guys. It is so shocking and jarring that it is nearly impossible to watch the rest of the movie. Your in such shock and awe that your brain melts and slides out your ear.

From where I sit, this ranks just slightly above the founder of this.... "Psycho". It starts with this one girl and the film seems like its going to be about crime and thievery and what not and them boom knife in the shower and we are in a "horror" movie and your new main character is Norman Bates...Nothing else to add really, just think that its really cool when done correctly.

The Room - "Oh Hi" compilation

I have not laughed this hard in a LONG time.

The Room - How Johnny Met Lisa

What is the interesting part?

Acting at its finest

Masterfullistic. That best describes it. The guy with the long black hair is the writer/director/ and best actor.

THE HUMANITY!

Oh the humanity!!!!!! The snow is coming! The blizzard! "In the new this evening... FUCKING BLIZZARD!" Panic. Hysteria. 24 hour coverage of the storm. Lock yourself in the house, get the rations, drug your children to sleep so they wont have to witness this. Shut down the trains and buses.... have armed soldiers on every corner.

Right now Im sitting in my basement popping Xanex (to call my nerves) from a Pez dispenser surrounded by jugs of water while tightly gripping my sawed off shotgun.

From the news coverage I wasn't sure if it was going to snow or Godzilla was going to emerge from the Atlantic Ocean and pop a squat in Central Park. First I got the terrorists, the swine flu, and now I've got to deal with this shit.

Greatest Innovation of Our Times

Evolution... from ape to man... from old Heinz packet to this...

Why didn't I think of this? Why didn't anybody think of this. Who the fuck enjoyed squirting ketchup packets. Them shits probably caused more stains then leaky assholes. But this here.. Wow. It is now possible to actually eat fries with ketchup while driving. No longer does one have to scoop up ketchup off a napkin or ripped up paper bag or whatever the hell else one would use. I have not been this impressed with something until I first played Wii Sports. I can't believe it took this long for someone to make this innovation.... FUCK! If I would've invented this god damn thing I could've took Heinz down. I would have sold it to Herrs and changed the game. FUCK!

Crazy Products

Look at these products... These are real products. First off we have the "Dog Creeper Window". Your dog can be a creeper as he peers into your neighbors yard with his fucking space helmet looking thing. Can you imagine seeing that thing pop up when your trying to smoke a joint in your yard? What neighbor would agree and allow you to put this in? I think even Mr.Rogers would object. But up next it gets even better....

What the hell?! As many of you know I'm an avid hiker and I camp out in the most rugged and dangerous of climates. I use a regular sleeping bag. I give my friends shit for using the "coffin" style sleeping bag. That is basically the same but your legs are locked in. This is a "Walking Mummy" sleeping bag. If I saw this walking towards me late at night in the woods I would probably shoot at it. When you go in a "sleeping" bag why the fuck do you need to walk around? Aren't you looking to sleep?

ESPN spoils the Super Bowl

That was on ESPN... Spoilerz!!!!11!!!! But I will now post my official Super Bowl prediction. I am usually very accurate, being off by a few points. I hear some people actually bet on these games.. so if you were to bet, not saying you should, but if you were to bet....you can rely on this prediction.

The Saints will lose. Peyton Manning will shred thru that defense. The Jets defense was better then the Saints and look at what the greatest QB of all time did to them. So here it is...

COLTS 34

SAINTS 28

Max Graham - Owner Of A Lonely Heart

I've always liked this Yes song... it is pure unadulterated 80's awesomeness and this remix does it pretty good justice. This video is also pretty bad ass and funny. Its like a ode to being a childhood pervert. It also looks like one of my casting auditions... Ha ha ... I wish... my casting audition did not look this but i was sitting behind a desk wearing a suit ding my best Simon Cowell impression.

Demon Tiger

They had one of Tiger Woods 'hoe's" on TV to talk about how "evil" he is. Look at that picture they put up behind her. Tiger looks like some sort of crazed child molesting demon. My god is that pic scary. "HEEEEEERE'S TIGER!"

Lenny Kravitz filthy mouth

I was just listening to Lenny Kravitz (what?! I like the guy) and he has a line in a song called "Black Velveteen" I never could quite make out. The song is about some kind of sex robot in the future that is the best lay of all time... you know, typical Kravitz shit. Anyway the name of this robot is "Black Velveteen' and in the song Lenny is describing her. Sidenote: Lenny Kravitz is probably the worst lyricist of all time. His lyrics sound like they were written by a brain dead Dr.Seuss. Every one of his rhymes ends with the simplest of combos... "sky to high" "bye to fly" stuff like that. Anyway as part of the chorus of this song I could've sworn Lenny was saying the word "cunt". I don't think I ever heard the word "cunt" muttered in a song before. It is like the only curse word left with some venom. So after doing some research here is the actual lyric:

Black velveteen's cunt smells like strawberry kittens

Wow... Genius.

Tiger Woods

Found this article on Tiger Woods. Thought it was interesting. While reading it occasionally glance up at the photo above... This is from one of his lovers.

“Tiger’s sexual fantasies were not normal.
“He likes role playing, he likes to be the guy in control and wearing a suit while there are girls performing girl-on-girl and guys entertaining guys.
“By that, I mean they would dance for each other like girls would do for a man.
“He’d have different girls all the time, entertaining, role play, fetishes, stuff like that. But he would only watch.”
“He would engage in sex from 9pm until the sun came up - he wasn’t a healthy guy.
“He couldn’t sleep and would stay up all night. I am not sure rehab will help him.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised by anything. He had male friends, and I am sure they got involved.”

Oh. He LOVES sex. He loves just watching it.... from dusk till dawn... and he LOVES wearing suits... its not even about women... he just loves sex.

Great Quotes

"Its okay tho because its not like a thin line between love and hate... boy when them boys sing that song back in the days I never knew what the hell that mean, I still dont know what it mean... But I know that its a thin line between love and hate...And I know that damn well we are some partyin' motherfuckers."

- Ol' Dirty Bastard

Pants On The Ground American Idol

Why didn't someone show me or tell me about this earlier?! This is genius! I bet you that Simon Cowell signed to a contract as soon as he left the room

Random Ramblins

-Whats up ho's and hoettes? I've been using the term, 'Ho fo' sho'!" lately more then any white male should.

-Jersey Shore 2 is announced but wont take place at the Jersey Shore? Huh? We have a situation here. I say put them in Compton... or AMISH TOWN!!! Everyone knows the Amish equal ratings. It will be so crazy cause the Amish are like old fashioned and the "Guidos" are so not like them!!!!!!!!1!!!!!1! Its is effin craaazey. I should work for MTV with ideas like this. Give me a call Viacom!

- I turn to my daily New York Post (reading another paper would be uncivilized) and I see the Giant Obese Humongous Slobbish Rex Ryan giving me the middle finger. It is insane how well Sexy Rexy fits with the New York Jets. He was tailored made for this franchise. You can picture him chugging a beer funnel while molesting a plate of hot wings. I like using serious words inappropriately. The other day while failing miserably at my Italian final I said to my friend, "I am literally raping this test.

- Speaking another language is not for me. I can barely speak English. i have probably the worst memory of all time. Take that back... I can only remember incidents I find funny. I can not remember things like names, dates, and numbers to save my life. Literally. I am dead now... I lost my life because i could not remember when Columbus sailed the blue. Apparently it wasn't 1992.

- Hey did you see the Grammys last night?! Neither did I.

- Ive been obsessed lately with getting stoned and eating Wendy's salads. Your munching out but your doing it the healthy way.

- Who decided that blue was manly and pink was girly? You ever think of shit like this? You should.

- Why do all homeless schizophrenics think that they are being watched by the government, and that agents put microchips in them. Speaking of schizo's my cousin who is a priest said an interesting thing.... he sometimes wonders if all these schizos that apparently see the devil actually see the devil What if the devil picks on these weak that no one will believe.

- I feel bad for male ladybugs.

RARE ANIMALS1!!!!!!!

J-E-T-S! Trip Pt. 2

So I am sitting in the car on my way back from indianopolis. Yes the jets lost and cindarella is not going to the ball. What i realized is that jet fans travel like the black plague.... Make that green plague and totally devour and infect a city. They are like the Sars virus of obnoxiousness, disrepect, and overall deuchebaggery... And it is damn infectious. My second favorite football team (I still bleed Blue)made me very proud to be a New Yorker. And props to the people of Indiana who have to be some of the nicest and most accomodating fans around. The upscale steak house we were in dealt with the ugliest, loudest, and sexually deviant 2 Jet fans for a whole full hour before throwing them out. They then proceeded to to illegaly hitch a ride on the back of a horse and carriage while doing the Jets chant. Speaking of the Jets chant I wouldnt mind not hearing that again for a year. I consumed more beer and ate more food then practically ever in my life... I feel like Rex Ryan on a bender after a trip to the Sizzler. I feel like Inspector Lee... You dont want to feel like inspector lee.

J-E-T-S! Trip

Heading to Indianapolis to watch the Jets/Colts game on Sunday. When people ask me who is going to win I always cite the following quote from the song "Ms. Pretty Pussy" performed by that thespian named "Plies":

"You got the pretty set of pussy lips I've never seen

If I want to eat you, I can eat you cause your pussy clean

I thought it was all hair, that pussy sat up in those jeans

But now I got you naked I can see how that pussy hang

I better snap out this shit, or I'ma do the wrong thang

I wanna fuck you raw that pussy like is everything

Now all I wanna know, that pussy get real wet

You got a soaker I got to run my tongue cross your chest

Or I can rub on your clit and just play with ya neck"

That is just how I feel about it. If I had the word artistry of a Piles then I say it myself. Anyway look at the shirt at the top of the page... "Wow bro! You mean I can rock my Affliction shirt and still rep out the Jets?!" *does fist pump* Yessir.... they are selling them right now on their official website. So either the Jets are going to the win or a bunch of children in Haiti are going to think the Jets went to the Super Bowl.

Goodbye Horses

And we have a winner! Weirdest thing I have ever seen on the internet. This guy.....err "unicorn" makes Buffallo Bill look like the most sane man on the planet.

Bizarre Dream

I had a BIZARRE dream just now. I fell asleep while watching "Apocalypse Now Redux" and dreamt up an ending which I thought was real. Ive never seen the film in its entirety before, and heard about it having multiple endings. It played while I dozed off and my dream was that I woke up long enough to catch the ending. The ending was so bizarre that when I woke up I looked up "Apocalypse Now Ending" on google. I saw no mention of the ending I saw and went and re-watched it and was shocked when it ended on the stone idol face.

In my dream Martin Sheen kills Brando just like the real movie. You then hear him doing a narration over a black screen. In the narration he is talking about how he feels sympathetic towards Brando's character, and as he has gotten older he has learned to appreciate his thoughts and has even begun to think like him. We then cut to see an older Martin Sheen sitting at a desk holding a stack of papers staring at a camera. Behind him is the presidential seal of the united states and we see that the narration is actually a speech he is preparing. He goes over some lines while scribbling some stuff down. A producer then counts him down and the red light on the camera goes on and he begins his speech with the opening lines of narration from the film.

Pretty weird right? I swear to you I really woke up thinking this was the ending of the film. The dream was so vivid and seemed so real. Trying to make sense of it now, I must have seen Martin Sheen playing the president on that television show (West Wing I believe?) a while back. In my dream state I must have conjured up that image of him and added it to the ending of the film, which i felt I woke up to catch the end of.

Brandon Lee Compliments Dolph Lundgren

Nate Kaedings Wikipedia

Jets

Tomlinson is Playoff kryptonite. How many years have I've seen LT sitting alone one the bench pouting while watching his team being eliminated from the playoffs. He is a first ballot hall of famer but he will never truly get that great of praise for never winning the big one. His situation is different then Marino; LT has had some truly amazing teams around him. What is wrong with these Chargers? It can't be the coaching... Theres a lot of good free agent coaches out there... Nor Turner might be on the chopping block.

What an idiot Vincent Jackson is. Kicking the challenge flag? Real smart? Has anyone noticed how many times this head ref has fucked up speaking? He just penalized the wrong player.

NFL Playoffs

Today is football day! I am amped! I think these games today are going to be close, with big upsets and all around general mayhem. Lets breakdown each game with the score you will be seeing...

COLTS 28

RAVENS 14

- This is a statement game for the Colts and if they were too lose then the critics would never close their mouths about the benching of their stars. This is the only game I think that will not be close.

CARDINALS 31

SAINTS 35

A shootout. Neither team is that good but the cardinals defense is banged up.

COWBOYS 31

VIKINGS 26

The Vikings are cold and the 'Boys are hot. The ONLY way the Vikings can win this one is if Peterson goes nuts. I don't see that happening. I see Brett Favre getting sacked and throwing picks.

CHARGERS 23

JETS 24

Yeah baby... Defense wins championships and the Jets have the number one defense... and add to that the number one running game. I'm getting flashbacks of the Super Bowl Giants with this Jets team, they have that same swagger. There is one thing the Jets need to be careful of, and that is kickoff returns. Sproles can and probably will run one back. The Jets give up a lot of yards on the kickoff, allowing teams to start at the 40. Bottom line is I think Jets win.

Sexual Predator

These people are probably better off dead...

CNN says today that the 3D effects in ‘Avatar’ are so intense that some people go home depressed and even suicidal, because they would rather be living in the world from the movie, on Pandora with the 10-foot cats.

Valedicktorianne

Below is my Valedicktorianne speech for my upcoming college graduation. Above is a tattoo a real guy who got arrested had.

It's a great honor being your Valedicktorianne. When I first heard I was being given this honor I ran to my dictionary to look the word up and find the correct spelling. I never was much of a "word finder" and soon realized my attention span is way to short to find such a complex word. To truly understand the meaning of the word, we must disect it. "Vale" - You add a "t" to this and its "valet". You are in charge of the parking lot, you control people's cars, and when a valet is present, it's usually expensive cars. Thats a big job title right there. "Dick" - I hear this is slang now a days for the male penis, not to be confused with the female penis. This is kind of important too. And finally you have "Tori" and "Anne", the names of the two women who starred in "2 Girls, 1 Cup". Wow. This is some big shit.. or as the Italians would say; Grande shit. Is Kriss Kringle the real name of Santa Claus? And if so why does "Santa" use this alias. Or is Kriss Kringle simply a Santa Claus impersonator? So in closing they asked me to give some advice to the future graduates... don't go with AT&T service, my cell phone doesn't get a ring tone anywhere.

Tag Team

I manage a professional wrestling tag team in Japan called "The Un-Natural Disasters". The duo consists of "Mr. Titanic" and "The Nine-Eleven". We lost our tag titles when Captain Lou Albano threw salt in the refs eyes. Captain Lou you are a reptillian motherfucker and I want my "Pirates of the Carribean 3" Blu-Ray DVD back. You dont own a blu-ray player and never will! Same goes for you Mr.Fuji!

DA YANKEEZ SUX!

PROOF YANKEES ARE GAY (CLICK)

AND THE METS AREN'T

That is the actual headline on ESPN.com . Click it to go to the article if you don't believe me. I told you Yankees fan are gay.

New Years

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS FOR EVERYONE!!!1!!!1!! (Simply copy and paste as your status in fRiendBOOK or Tweeter)

My New Years resolution is to stop drinking.... the tears of Native American children.

My New Years resolution is to stop bathing in the urine of Egyptian virgins.

My New Years resolution is to quit my job at Abercrombie and Fitch.

My New Years resolution is to stop exchanging text messages with R&B sensation Chris Brown.

My New Years resolution is to stop being haunted by Abbie Lincoln's ghost.

My New Years resolution is to stop wearing my "Milf Hunter" t-shirt.

The O.D.B Story

When my grandpa recounts a story it is always in bits and pieces. It is usually one line of information and in order to piece together a sensible story you have to basically interrogate him. This New Years I went to a club and saw Wale do a couple of songs. I was telling my grandpa about this rapper and it reminded him of his encounter with the Ol' Dirty Bastard.

GRANDPA :"What was the name of that rapper I sold to the car to?"

FRIEND: "Ol Dirty Bastard"

GRANDPA: "Yeah, what a sick fuck he was!"

ME: "WHAT?!?!"

I have never seen my grandpa talk so vehemently about someone being insane.. The fact is he is not exactly the picture of sanity himself. So here is the story as best as I could piece it together...

O.D.B comes to my grandpas car dealer ship about 10 years ago. My grandfather has ordered him a brand new Infiniti truck with very expensive tires on it. O.D.B takes one look at it and the first thing he says is, "Take those tires off I wanna nigga-rig it." Those are his exact words.

He then proceeds to pay with a large garbage bag. In that bag is an assortment and 10, 20, and 100 dollar bills.

While my grandpa is in the trailer doing the paperwork for the deal he hears a gunshot go off. He comes out to find that the tail light of another car has been shot out. He asks what the heel happened and apparently O.D.B was playing around with his gun and it went off. I asked if my grandpa made him pay and he said, "No... but we fucked him over with the deal".

And that is the story of when my grandfather met the Ol' Dirty One.

Google Yourself

What do you get when you "Google Image Search" yourself?

Tha Metz

Watching Kate Hudson on "Inside the Actors Studio". She is pretty cool... her "dad" is friggin Kurt Russell. Kurt Russell is the man. Heres something I found pretty funny which I bet you didn't know. Kate used to date world renowned super villian of the New York Yankees, A-Fraud, A-Roid, Gay-Rod, Alex-Never Be Jeter-Rodriguez. Anyway she has a brother named "Boston". Isn't that ironic. The 2 main reasons the Yankees won the World Series is because of Kate Hudson and Matsui, and now they are both gone. I hear the Mets are going to be really good this year. Actually I didn't fucking hear that. I heard they are going to fucking suck. They should change their name to "Tha Metz" and embrace a new urban "thug" image. You might beat them but they are going to fight you... maybe shank you.

Nightmare Factory

Actors

Acting with James Franco Episode 2: "Green Screen" from James Franco

There are 2 actors I think are poised to break out and have Oscar worthy performances. One is James Franco and the other is Mos Def. Both have an undeniable charisma and seem to take their craft very seriously. I remember reading a Franco interview where he was cast in Freaks and Geeks and how he prepared for the role. He traveled across country to the writers old high school and spent a couple of days there. The weird thing is none of this was known or even suggested by the writer. Right now he's doing soap operas on "General Hospital". Why? No one knows for certain. There's a rumor its for some film project but he claims its just for the experience. Supposedly someone said soap-operas are really hard to do and he decided to try it... Oh and his character is named Franco.. real original.

As for Mos Def he is just an awesome character actor. If given the right role I feel he will impress a LOT of people. I get a Jamie Foxx vibe from him and he just needs that "Ray" role to really break out. I would invest in either one of these guys.

DJ Pauly D

HA HA HA HA! So I wanted to see if this DJ Pauly D from "Jersey Shore" was an actual DJ and found this video online. He is the WORST DJ I have ever heard and has no sense of sound whats so ever. Is this is DJ'ing then apparently when I'm drunk playing with a soundboard... I'm DJ'ing. I'm saying this kid really knows what he's doing and is a comedic genius or he really is this fucking dumb.

Pauly D

This kid is a comedic genius and he doesn't even know it.

Textin Tiger

So apparently Tiger Woods text messaged one of his hoes the line, "You are wrong I'm Bone Thugs in Harmon." Huh? Is Tiger a big Bone Thugs -N- Harmony fan, and did he purposely spell it wrong to make himself seem more Asian. Reading his texts Tiger seems to have a problem with being black. Here are some of his best texts...

Tiger: what kind of present your naked body

Tiger: now that's hot so who is your new boy toy

Tiger: I will wear you out soon

Tiger: quiet and secretively we will always be together

Tiger: when was the last time you got laid (NOTE: I hate when Tiger randomly texts me this)

Jaimee: very true ... I only watch football

Tiger: Figured you would say that. Big black guys.

Jaimee: u are my first, last and only black guy! U should feel special

Tiger: why do I not believe that?

Tiger: don't text me back till tomorrow morning. I have to many people around me right now

Tiger: send me something very naughty (NOTE: I hate when he sends me this too)

Tiger: go to the bathroom and take it

Tiger: Because I'm blasian :)

Russell Grant

Well I know what I'm getting for Christmas... Not that I own a Nintendo DS but that doesn't mean I cant support my favorite Astrologist Russell Grant.

Media Paper

So I take some sort of Media course. I've probably been to it twice this whole semester and have no idea what the course even covers. I haven't bought the textbooks yet even though tomorrow is my last day of class. So I had to write this 10 page paper on God knows what and I just made up a whole lot of Crazy and spewed it onto some paper. If this class was called "Incoherent Schizophrenic Ramblings" I would probably get an A. Here is my intro and outro like a rap CD. I'm particularly proud of my outro. The paper is titled, "A.D.D. U.S.A"

P.S. I dont believe in proofreading or spell check. You either know it or blow it.

INTRO:

You see it everywhere you look. Americans walking in a hypnotic state with eyes locked on their cell phones. People walking down the street yelling at nothing with a blue-tooth device in their ear. Someone struggling to steer their car, barely staying in their lane, while trying to text message the very important and urgent question of, “Wat R U Doing 2Nite?” People spending hours upon hours watching a man getting hit in the testicals on Youtube. A kid who’s day mostly consists of shooting people to death in his favorite video game; and the rest is spent watching people getting shot on the television. What is technology doing to this country? Between the television and the internet, most children are exposed to just about everything by the age of 14. There is no more need for the “The Birds & The Bees” talk, when the child has already probably seen “The Girl & The 4 Guys”. What long term effect is all this having on our psyches? It physically has also effected us as America is the most obese nation with exercise and activity at an all time low. How has this advancement in technology effected the way people form relationships and interact with other humans. Has it de-humanized us? Has it negatively effected our attention spans, diagnosing America with A.D.D.? In this paper I will examine these topics and really examine what technology is doing to this country. Besides for all the positives that come with it, what are the negatives?

OUTRO:

So has technology led this country to be a bunch of obese, lazy, violent, A-D-D infected, ignorant, perverts? Some might say yes. Others might say it has expanded our life spans, helped our communication, and provided us with a vast wealth of knowledge. I feel the key is to find a good middle ground in your use of technology and the media. Don’t let your world be consumed by gizmos and gadgets and other words starting with “G” that mean the same. Don’t forget that you are human and humans need interaction with each other. Maybe instead of listening to your iPod or checking e-mails on your blackberry, strike up a conversation with that stranger sitting next to you on the bus. They usually don’t bite. Don’t forget to live in the here and the now. Live in a world of mountains, tree’s, and blue skies… not a world of wires, controllers, and blue tooth’s.

Back to the Future Part III

Ha Ha what a pervert.. watch the whole thing.

Pineapple Express

"Pineapple Express" is the best stoner movie I have ever seen. It is the most realistic depiction of people getting blazed ever put on film. They don't smoke and then see cats flying out the window and hallucinate. They smoke and become lazy, hungry, and paranoid. For some reason I had low expectations for this film but found it be genius. It had these guys performing action movie stunts the way they would look if they really happened in real life. Extraordinary things happening in very ordinary ways which made it genius. Danny McBride is awesome in it and has basically become the new cooler version of Will Ferrell. And James Franco should have been nominated for best supporting actor for his performance. Very impressed with this film.

YTMND

Here are some really good new YTMND's...

TRANSMISSION BLOCKED

TONY KIDS

RODDY PIPER CHRISTMAS

ZOMBIES

COSBY

THIS OR THAT

Yahoo Ad

What the hell is this Yahoo Ad?! Steroided MC Hammer on a skateboard? Master of the Digital Universe? What in the bluest of blue hells?! Take Charge?! What is this an ad for? Who saw this ad and said, "Its good but I think you should really photoshop a skateboard by his feet.. that will really get across that he's the Master of the Digital Universe."

HAPPEY BIRTHDAY JASON!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!1!!

Fixing The N.B.A

How to Improve the National Basketball Association.

By Michael Scott Thomas Johnston

Dear Commishioner Mr. David Stern. This is my theory to enhance professional basketball in the United States.....

We add the point system from Hockey.

A win in regulation equals 2 points

A win in Overtime equals 2 points

A loss in regulation equals 1 point

A loss in Overtime equals 1 point

Now we add something unique.

Any team that wins by 40 points gets 1 point added to their win bonus

Any team that loses by 40 gets 1 point taken away from their current wins

MY NOTES:

- I dont know if 40 is the right amount (too high) but i think this would spice things up. Games that are blowouts now become watchable and this might force coaches to leave starters in more to get to that 40 point win.

- You would get teams playing harder and not allowing a blowout in fear of losing a point.

- Imagine like playoff time and The Heat are just out of contension by 3 points and they are playing the T'Wolves. DWade is going to go out there not just too win but to completely dominate and decimate this team. Didn't this new rule just make a game you otherwise would not watch into something VERY interesting. Dwayne Wade and the Heat are playing the TWolves and in order to get into the playoffs not only must they win, but they have to win by more then 40. Tell me you dont want to see DWade go crazy on some crappy team just trying to destroy and humiliate them.

EDITORS NOTE: Can someone send this to David Stern for me?

STAR WARS NEW ERA CAPS

Check these out... They are incredibly well made but I wouldn't dare wear one in public. If I was a big Star Wars fan maybe I would cop the Chewbacca one... I take that back.. I would definitely rock the Yoda one out and about.. The R2-D2 hat looks like something you would see that creepy-guy-who-just-watches-the kids-in-the-playground-for-hours-wear. I want to see George Lucas wearing the Jabba the Hutt one. It would look like he's wearing a hat of a shaved himself.

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-I have two new pet lizards and I would love to tell you their names but I'm sure it would offend some fragile folk out there. One is named after a racial slur for the Chinese and the other is named after a very well known terrorist. I kid... I change their names every day. One is big and one is tiny. Yesterday they were "Christopher Wallace" and "Sean Combs". Today they were "That Fat Kardashian" and "Lamar Odom".

-I think the title of the film "Marley and Me" is very misleading. I went into watching it thinking it was a movie about smoking pot with Bob Marley.

-It wouldn't surprise me if the Super Bowl turned out to be the Chargers vs. Packers. I could see Chargers taking it all if no one gets injured.

- I might have seen my new favorite movie of all time last nite... I will write a review of it soon. it really mind fucked me. My top films are probably "Cool Hand Luke", "Rocky", "Raging Bull", and now this film. This film is only good, nothing bad or ugly about it.

BTW: There are secrets on this blog... for instance, go click on the skull logo on the upper right hand... there are more secrets...shhhhh...

Random Ramblins

I am officially sick of Tiger Woods and his FUCKING. Didn't some guy named Michael Jackson die not too long ago? Can't we talk about him again? At least he was a charismatic enigma of epic proportions. Tiger Woods is seriously one of the most boring people on the planet. I like to think when he opens his closet its like a Pee Wee Herman, just the same outfit a thousand times. Nike hat, golf shirt, and slacks. I remember seeing him at a Lakers game and he was dressed exactly the same as when he is on the course. Heres a spoiler.... Black athletes FUCK white women. Its been this way for years and always will be. Go smell Charles Barkleys dick and you will probably recognize your mothers scent.

I saw the Tim Burton exhibit at the MoMa. It was awesome. I don't know if Burton was a user of hallucinogenic drugs but I would assume his mind was "expanded". His movies for me are pretty hit and miss, with all being visually awesome. Ed Wood, Beetlejuice, Scissorhands are classics. People forget that Burton started with Disney.

Does anyone remember the show "Amazing Stories". It was produced by Steven Spielberg and he directed a few episodes. Its basically the "Twilight Zone". I forgot how amazing these stories were, and am just watching the season on Netflix.

Todays Google image (top of this post) might be favorite one of all time... so far. Ch-Ch-Check it out!

SeXy DaNcE PaRtY

Would you fuck me?! I'd fuck me.