4.2.08

Wow. Rock of Love and Flavor of Love are setting woman's rights back about 100 years. I can not believe how these girls act on these shows, it is like watching a car wreck. I really don't know how I feel about them, if I enjoy them or loathe them. I still feel the best of all these "dating" shows is "I Love New York". The worst, is hands down without a doubt, "Tila Tequila". God damn I hate that little dwarf Gizmo looking Asian with terrible tattoos.

Ok your probably wondering what's up with these ad's. Listen, I need to make some money here. I've been blogging this shit for free too long now. By putting these ads up here on the blog, I can make some money every time someone stops by. Besides, don't you want some Beyonce ringtones?! Oh and by the way it is April Fools.

South Beach

Just got back from South Beach...it was mayhem. This week was the Winter Music Confrence, so all the worlds top house DJ's were in town. This also meant that all the ecstasy zombie maniacs were in town, including rich drugs dealers driving around in Lambos and Phantoms BLASTING music with exterior speakers.

So night one we went to a club and saw P. Diddy. I was very intoxicated, and my memory is a bit hazy, but here's what I do remember.....Diddy did not come to rap, he came to yell over house music in a robot voice. The lights were absolutely insane, and Diddy was yelling out, "Eat my pussy! Suck my dick!" He was also wearing a black shirt with the huge letters "NO BITCHASSNESS". I'm pretty sure I lost a bit of my mind witnessing this....or either the Diddy robot was malfunctioning again.

Besides for Diddy, we also saw Shawn Marion and Mo Vaughn.

Went to Mansion and saw Bob Sinclair and Fat Man scoop basically just tear the house down. When he played "World Hold On" it was a wrap. One of my greatest club moments.

There are so many stories I could go into. From turning the plane ride down into "Soul Plane" and clearing it of all liquor and booze, to almost getting arrested in a strip club for breaking into the owners office. Bottom line is this, if you have the chance to go to South Beach during the Winter Music Confrence, you must GO. The only thing is that it is really expensive down there.

3.27.08

There's a big question your going to have to answer. I know you don't like to think about it, but if you don't do it now, the decision will be out of your hands. I'm talking about cremation or burial. What do you want? You want to be burnt or buried. Hmmm....Has anyone else really thought about...I mean like really thought about it? Lets just say, that when you die you are fully aware of what's going on around you. Your like trapped in the body, your soul is enclosed in it. Do you really want to be buried and let the maggots eat at you? So your probably leaning towards cremation now. WEEEEELL. Lets say all this stuff is true, and Jesus will one day return and raise your body up from the dead to join your soul in heaven. If your burnt to a crisp and let some of your pothead friends smoke your ashes, how the hell can he do that? That is a task even to big for Jesus...he can only do beginners magic tricks like turning water to wine. So what is the correct answer? Mummification is a really great option. Keeps the body fresh in a tomb so the bugs don't get you. The best bet however is for the corpse to be shot into outer space in a rocket. Yup.

So I'm going away to South Beach for a couple of days. You know what they say... "What happens in South Beach doesn't stay in South Beach....it comes back with you and makes it burn when you urinate." Hey now.

3.24.08

Lets go back in time a little bit...I'm sure you remember the Chris Benoit tragedy. The professional wrestler who killed his wife and small boy. What ensued afterwards was every wrestler that ever stepped into a ring appearing on CNN and such and talking about it. Talking about how great of a guy Benoit was. Well let me tell you! They interviewed the wrong guys! Here is the Iron Sheik, and the most gangster man in the world New Jack. This must be seen to be believed. This video is pure insanity as they discuss the tragedy.

Easter

What the hell is Easter? Bunny rabbits, searching for eggs, and dudes coming back from the dead? What the hell kind of holiday is this? Where do the friggin bunnies fit in? More importantly, today is my birthday, woo-hoo. As you get older, birthdays become less and less fun...getting old sucks...sucks hard. Lets do some random rambles....

- "Yeah well...we were like on the boat and this 1,000 pound stingray just kind of jumped up on top of her and killed her." What a way to go. These damn stingrays man, first Steve Irwin and now this woman. They are offing us human beings left and right.

- I tried....I just can't get into this NCAA tournament. I am not, and can not become a fan of college sports. 

3.21.08

Ever wonder what some of your favorite cartoon characters would look like if they were human? Me either. Well here it is in all theyre glory. EWWWW. What in the blue hell?!  I've actually seen these people in my daily life. At first I thought Mario was a picture of the owner of this pizza place by my house. Homer looks a lot like that actor from "Sideways", if you just threw some hair on him.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Hes alive! I heard rumors about Chester Cheeta still being alive, but I did not believe them. Watch this commercial, not only is he "alive", but he has become a fucking demon! And on top of all that, look how badly he has aged. I guess he really wasn't shot to death outside of that strip club.

Ok seriously tho...thanks a lot for ruining my little thing I had going here on the blog. Thanks a lot you fucking marketing wizards at Cheetos! Couldn't you have used pregnant Britney Spears to promote your shit food?! See, I dug up one of the most obscure 90's "attitude" mascots I could think of, Chester, and had this whole little running joke of his death. BUT NOW...here he is back again, in these ads that are simply genius, and about to explode like the King from Burger King. Fuck you! I guess I got to take down my Chester R.I.P logo now.

3.16.08

Crazy straws! Who doesn't love crazy straws! We got a crazy wiggley one and two umm....is

 that? No way...

Is that two dicks?! Some woman is suing Wal Mart saying those straws resemble penises too much. Is she right? I dont really see what other object they could be trying to be.

The Count

3.15.08

If Pokemon were real...

I was thinking if Pokemon fighting was actually real. If it was real it would make dogfighting look like Barbie dolls. These animals, all they do, is fight. They are plucked out of the wild and forced to live inside tiny balls with no ventilation. You think kennels are bad? Try living in a ball that is not even as big as your body. A fucking tiny little ball! Shit. These monsters are only let out to fight and the fights are not even fair. At least a dog fights another dog. In Pokemon world, a tadpole made of ice might have to fight a giant fire breathing fucking dragon! C'mon now. Some tower over and outweigh by thousands. There are no weight divisions or regulations. Despite being treated like slaves... if they dare act up, they might be confined to that ballish prison forever.

I hear people wanting to ban Doom and stuff but Pokemon is the real monster to our youth. It promotes violence and the mistreating of animals. I don't even think Pokemon are fed. 

Making a Film...

FINALLY! Yes, I have finally filmed my first documentary. The project called for us to "dramatize a location". What basically happened is we freaked people out and got thrown out of a lot of places. Me and my partner originally started in a bowling alley. Instead of letting the action come to us we went fucking camera crazy swinging it about trying to capture every little thing. "Hurry to the left! That retard is trying to bowl! You got to film that!" So that did not turn on too well. We went in for a re-shoot but were kindly asked to leave. Plus I felt like some kind of sicko filming little kids playing video games while there parents watched on in concern. Plus the fact that my pants were around my ankles didn't help much. We then went and filmed in Pathmark, were every old fucking bag in the planet had to look directly into the camera and make ugly faces. One woman even stuck her tounge out at us. We were then tossed out of there. I swear, bring a camera in somewhere and your treated like Osama Bin Laden strapped with a bomb holding hands with Roger Clemens. So we finally settled on a library, which did not turn out as deathly boring as you might expect. I noticed a weird thing while in there tho. Not one person in the library was reading a book, everyone was on a computer.

3.10.08

Time for some Random Ramblin's!!! Spitting from the top of the dome here peeps...

- My birthday falls on Easter Sunday this year....does that make me the son of God or something?

- Oh boy, Daylight Savings time....I wanna find the douchebag who thought of this CRAZY fucking concept, fill up a forty ounce bottle with piss and shatter his fucking lips with it. What kind of crazy is this? My internal clock is all screwed up now and probably wont be right for like another 3-4 weeks. 

- The new lead singer of Blind Melon has a tattoo of the old dead lead singer on his back. Creepy. Do you really want that guy in your band? He might like skin you alive while your sleeping. Isn't this also the same exact plot in the Mark Wahlberg disaster called "Rock Star"?

- You gotta love these Sci-Fi made for television movies. "The Moth"! "Giant Lizard"! "Rock Man"! Who thinks of this crazy shit? Every movie is some giant monster or mutant going apeshit crazy.

- I know you probably don't watch the TV channel called G4. I started off as the "video game" channel but has just recently transformed into Japanese TV. Needless to say, it is now bad ass, airing some of the most wild Japanese game shows and such. I love them Japs!

- Once you go Mac you never go back. I must really say it. Having had my Apple MacBook for a long enough time now, I must say I can not ever see myself going back to windows. The interface on the Mac is just so much easier and enjoyable.

Who knows what F'N time!

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUCK! Daylight savings time....fuck to you! My least favorite thing since terrorism and the WNBA is back yet again! Why in the bluest hell do we push it up an hour? Are we father fucking time for one day? It really peeves me more then anything ever. You have no idea. I will not adapt for like a week.

3.06.08

NOOOOOO! I'm having a seizure! GRRRRR! OWWWW! BARF! But seriously, this is the new Gnarls Barkley that has been BANNED from TV! They claim it will induce seizures. I took the chance. I watched it, and everything was fine until about 2:10. Then it got really crazy and honestly started to make me dizzy. I felt like throwing up a little bit too. No joke. These fuckn Gnarls Barkley douchebags almost gave me a seizure. This video gets a THUMBS DOWN!

3.5.08

Bad news...Patrick Swayze has 5 weeks to live. I have always liked him and enjoyed his work in The Outsiders, Ghost, and Donnie Darko. This is really a shame, no joke. He seemed like a genuinely good guy.

Random Thankin!!!!!!!!!!

"You need a steering wheel the way you ride my dick!"

Ok im a little drunk and about to give NEW meaning to the second R in the title of this blog...and thats Ramblin'! Im just gonna spit it from the dome here baby.

First things first. I remember watching some shit on the History Channel about lost Bible books or some shit. Well....one of them was actually the book of Judas. And apparently if you read this, it paints Judas as a completely different character. It doesnt show him as a dickhead backstabber, but rather someone that was actually told by Jesus to betray him. Hmmmm.... It seems Jesus wants a lot of things taken out from the Bible. All the facts about Judas and him fucking whores and making DaVinci or something...I didn't pay attention to that piece of SHIT movie. Oh and by the way, the Davinci Code is the word Apple. WTF?

A quick funny story. My grandma is widowed and has become the cats meow lately. She has one guy who hangs out with her on Thursdays and another who takes her out on Fridays. Anyway, I was watching some shitty CW11 show with her the other day and we were BS'in, and she starts talking about her men. Shes like,"I have one that comes and visits me thursday, and another on friday...I'm like a - what do they call those young girls now a days?" Lol. I have no idea what word she was thinking of, but I responded, "A whore?" LOL. We both had a good laugh on that one....apparently that wasn't the word she was looking for. Speaking of my grandma, she is 81 years old and I feel, more liberal then me.

The biggest question I have whenever i post something on this blog is not the content, incorrect spelling, or terrible grammar...but rather, what fucking color should I make the text.

Favre retired. I awarded him the "Epitome of Masculinity" award a while back here on the blog and I stick with it. No one else deserves it as much as him and he is a true class act. He will also go down as one of the best QB's ever without a DOUBT. If he runs into you and asks you to put on a cheesehead and some kneepads and blow him, you better drop to your knees and open your mouth Beatrice!

I was looking at my list of hottest chicks on here a while back. I definetly got to re-do it. I have Jennifer Love Hewitt on it who recently just turned into a fat ass. I got some newbies who just burst onto the scene too who deserve to be put on. Was I right about Hayden Pattentrie tho? When I put her on back then she was basically a nobody. Now she is a huge star.

And speaking of woman...if you find Paris Hilton attractive there is something wrong with you. First off she has a lazy eye which is very noticable. And on top of that I think that might she be bo-legged. AND ALSO her feet are about a size 18 and look like they belong to a fucking troll. If I saw her in person I would honestly spit in her food.

Im just jotting down the first thing that pops into my head without thinking twice or looking back. Thats how we are doing it right now.

Rap videos are pretty riddiculise...especially when they show what a "date" is. For instance in the video "Excuse Me Miss" by Jay-z lets go over a typical date with Jay.... First he FLYS a private helicopter around the Statue of Liberty. Not only does he own a helicopter which he knows how to fly, but he has permission from the government to fly that son of bitch around the statue of fucking liberty. How do they know he is not a terrorist? Then to top it all off, he lands in a private jet with his name across the side. After they leave the plane he shows her seven of some of the sickest cars. Each one of the cars has a custom license plate with a different day of the week. If you CAN NOT get laid after a date like that, you are the biggest loser on the planet.

My Tatts...

Well having posted the worst tattoo a couple of days ago, I thought I would post some of my own, which I consider to be the best. It doesn't matter that my body weight changes so much in the 2 pics, or the fact that I would have to have 2 backs, that not important...these are my tatts.

MJ At the Movies.

Well I saw the new Ferrell movie....."Semi Pro". It is typical Will Ferrell. If you seen Talladega Nights his character is more that then Anchorman. He is a likable idiot, but not an sex addict like his other films. Now heres what makes this film different from other Will Ferrell comedies. It is rated "R" and they don't hesitate to drop the "F" bomb. Some of the funniest parts are the unexpected times when they just yell "fuck." Another surprise...Ferrell is not the main character, the lead is actually Woody Harrelson. He has the love story, which is probably the dullest part of the movie. This movie is not as over the top as other Ferrell movies, and feels more like an old school legit sports movie. Overall, I liked it. I liked it better then Blades of Glory and Talladega Nights. It doesn't top Anchorman tho, which is genius.

3.3.08

This article....

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20080301/D8V4D90O0.html

Has just made me feel a whole lot better about myself. I admit, I'm lazy. I hate working more the anybody....I thought. This guy actually had a friend shoot him in the shoulder to get some time off and avoid taking a drug test. Now THAT is what I call being lazy.

3.2.08

That my friends is the WORST tattoo of all time. No doubt about it. Hand downs the UGLIEST thing I have ever seen. I would LOVE to see the guys reaction after getting that. You made this girl look like an old woman. It is wrong on so many levels, especially since it says "In Loving Memory", meaning the girl has probably passed away. I wonder if they gave him a discount or if it has since been removed. This also brings something up to me. I would be mad nervous to do a potrait tatt. Like someone actually knows that person, and if you mess up the slightest, you will probably get shit for it.

2.30.08

Ummm wow. So Nas is really going to title his new album, "Nigger". Not the "-gga" less offensive version, but he is going with the hard R. I hope it wins best album of the year and the presenter at the Grammys is Kramer.

What do I think of this? I like it. I understand I'm not allowed to say the word and I accept it and it does not bother me. The whites screwed the blacks over for a very long time, the least we can do is as least let them have their own word. I also love the shock this word causes. The only other word i know that still has any venom is "cunt". I hope Nas realizes naming his album this is making a big statement, and I hope his album has some deep content that addresses racism. If the album is just filler pop rap hit songs, then he will single handidly ruin his career.

I own every 2Pac album except one. And that album is "Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z". Now for this one the word is an acronym, but I don't know what it stands for. For some reason I felt that this album wasn't for me.

2.29.08

2.28.08

Joe Pesci's contract.... Watch just about any Joe Pesci movie. There are a few things that happen in just about every film. I feel that Pesci writes these down in his contract, and will NOT act in a film if he is not allowed to do the following....

- Break a glass over someone's head. Joe is a rather small guy, but that does not stop him from kicking mucho ass in every film he's in. His patented move however is the shattering of the glass on someone's skull. He does this patented move in both Goodfellas and Raging Bull. In Home Alone however, he gets glass broken over his head.

- Fuck Robert DeNiro's wife. If he is in a movie with Rob, chances are he is banging his wife. In Raging Bull, DeNiro questions him and it is implied Pesci banged his wife. In Casino, Joe Pesci also bangs DeNiros wife. You think Robbie would learn by now.

Dem Jews got the Jewelz

Great Moments in Songwriting...

For those of you that don't know, the epitome of 90's attitude, Sonic, has released a rap album. It is one of the most vile things I've heard, promoting sex, drugs, violence, and murder, and non stop bashing of the gays, PETA members, the church, and woman. One of the most controversial songs is the new single, "Dem Jews got the Jewelz." It is obviously anti-semitic and attempts to touch on the issue of Blood Diamonds. Here is this "masterpiece"....

" (HOOK x2:) Dem Jews Got the Jewelz,

 Black Kids crying,

Cause Jews turn them... to mother fuckin Diamonds!

(Verse 1)  Hooked nose white demon,

Fuck a bitch eat semen,

2 glock nines and a gold plated mack millie,

Buck these jakes that even dare to look silly,

Phony ass n***az just like Milli Vanilli,

Fuck these ho's,

give em a few extra holes,

cause this asshole is in your asshole,

breaking off a nut,

as I gun butt,

Jews and them fags,

cause this ain't no Brokeback,

and Heath  ain't coming back,

Ands that my rap, 

And this is a wrap....One"

Wow I think that he managed to offend everyone with that one. Way to go Sonic, no wonder your single isn't climbing up the charts. I really think these might be some of the most extreme lyrics I ever posted here.

2.26.08

RANDOM RAMBLIN'S DECLARES WAR!

Enuff is enuff and I can't take it anymore. I am officially declaring war on those God damn Truth.com advertisements! I have just seen the lastest one, and they don't try to use shock anymore, now they use Broadway show tunes. Fucking Broadway show tunes to get you to quit smoking. They have taken the level of annoyance WAAAAAY too far now. They must be stopped. Heres a statistic for you douche bags, your commercials cause a 35% increase in people smoking. Am I pro smoking? Not really. I am a casual smoker, and if you smoke you smoke, everyone knows the risk. Do I think the dangers have to be shoved down peoples throats? No. Should the dangers be told by means of show tunes? Hell No. You just crossed the mother fuckn line now homeboy. I will do everything in my power to get these demons off the television, and I advise you to do the same. I would love to put a full pack of cigarettes out on these mother fuckers lungs!

2.25.08

What the hell?! These idiots won the Oscar again?! Three 6 Mafia have won the Oscar for the second time in a row.  I feel there should only be one Oscar and the ceremony should run 5 minutes. This Oscar is not limited to movies. The winner could be ANYONE in the world. If we were to change it to this...the result would probably remain the same...Three 6 Mafia wins again.

I didn't watch the Oscars seeing as how I am not married or gay. Fun Fact: Did you know that the award is named after Oscar De La Hoya? Anyway everyone of my predictions was right. No Country for best picture and supporting actor...Day Lewis for best actor. Now for the controversy...Best Cinematography shouldve went to "The Assasination of Jesse James". Best Direction should've went to "There Will Be Blood". I never even heard of the film that won best music, but I'm pretty sure it didn't deserve it. And of course Three 6 Mafia deserved Best. 

"And the winner for Best goes to....Three 6 Mafia!"

2.24.08

Politics....I have no idea about politics and I really don't care too much. People are talking about this shit lately, and sometimes even ask me questions about it. I don't want to sound like a total idiot so sometimes I pretend to know what the fuck is going on... "Oh yeah...I like that Osama much better then that lesbian woman. But I still think its kind of weird we were hunting him down so bad, and know we are gonna make him president." Do I really think voting is important. Shhh....nope. Not here in New York. NY is democrat all the way, and your one little vote is not gonna change that. Some places your vote mite be important, like in Ohio or some shit, but I'm telling you NOT to go and vote. Your not gonna Die, don't worry, P. Diddy might be a bad man, but even he has a conscious.  Just Say NO to Voting!

2.23.08

Yo  yO Yo! Whats the dealie? Anyway I saw this really funny thing online. Some kind of company takes a modern day photo...they then "age" it to show what that person might look like in the future. Well recently they just did Britney Spears. Jesus Christ! What in the blue hell!

 Thats disgusting. Barf!

2.21.08

Put the 2Pac tape in! I love this "Spirit of Truth" guy. Skip until like 1:22 then it gets really good. There are MANY other gems from this man, each one getting more and more extreme. I liked this one for the fact that he really shows us crackas, or white devils, on how to dance.



In this video...what the fuck book is he reading from?! I know i mite have never read the Bible, but is that how it is really written?



He is also a VERY talented singer.

2.19.08

I know I like to joke around here at RR, but this is a serious post. In my country there is problem...and that problem is internet gaming. Yessir. It is the devil. Im talking about those Everquest type games. The type that run off addiction. Some people are worse with that shit then drugs. Ok.... I'm lying. I could care less about those assclowns. This is just an excuse to post one of the funniest news articles ever.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/09/17/internet.death.ap/index.html

This Chinese guy played a god damn internet game for 3 days straight and died! HA HA HA! How can you not realize your dying of thirst or starvation? Shit, I liked Mario Bros. a lot but even I would pause to take a piss. And I also love the fact that the owners of the internet cafe he died in didn't even realize this. They didn't realize this guy was playing for 3 days straight and not sleeping, eating, or drinking. I read somewhere else he wasnt even using the bathroom. What the hell game was he playing? Probably Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers.

4.18.08

Slam Dunk Contest.

Ok so Howard won it, his top dunk being him wearing a superman cape and "throwing" the ball into the hoop. It technically wasn't a dunk, but it was cool. Some other dude blew out a cupcake on top of the rim. Memorable moments I guess, but it got me to thinking of some other dunks people could do.

- I want someone to run from behind the basket, jump over the backboard and shot clock and do a reverse dunk while landing.

- The Kobe Byrant. A white cheerleader stands below the rim with her pants down and ass sticking up. A guy dunks, pulls out his junk and then inserts it into her while landing.

- This one might be hard to picture. One guy jumps up from the top of the key like he is going to dunk. A second after another guy jumps closer to the rim, the guy gives him and alley-oop while they are both in the air.

- Has anyone did a forward flip into a dunk besides the Teen Wolf?

- Bingo, thats it....someone should dress as Teen Wolf and do a forward flip dunk.

- I would like to see a giant player dunk another human being, most likely a midget.

- Have a gunman shoot the ball while you are delivering the dunk. That takes a lot of courage.

- At the rate evolution is going, half court dunks will become common place and not get a reaction.

- And for my ultimate dunk....giant player comes walking under the hoop. He then casually extends his arm, while staying flat flooted, and lightly dunks it into the hoop.

Pussy...

Great Moments in songwriting.

I present to you the raunchiest rap I have ever seen in a song. Now this is very hard to do when you are the guest rapper on a song with R.Kelly. To out raunch R. Kelly is a feat in its own, especially in a song where he actually refers to himself as "the lesbian R&B thug." Wait...what? Did R.Kelly really just call himself a lesbian? The song is called "Pussy" by R.Kelly and Jay-Z. This is the verse by guest rapper, Devin the dude.

"The P is for the pearl tongue that I like to tickle.
The U is for uterus, down deep in the middle.
SS is so slippery when I go up inside.
Pussy's good and if you gettin some I know you know Y.
See I got my first shot when I was bout 7.
Her father called my house he said,
"I need to talk to yo son Devin.
My daughter she's 11 and she goes to the same school that yo son goes to.
And she said today she got screwed."
But my daddy answer the phone so no drama, and all he said was,
"No shit! Let me talk to that girl mama!"
Then i was suspended 3 day, token from school.
It was like a vacation.
Niggaz lookin at pussy at the pool in our apartments.
I started hittin hard when I was small.
Let me recite a story lesson for all of yall.
See pussy's like a wound it would never heal,
the more ointment you put on then the better it feels."

Wow. Let that digest for a second. So Devin was having sex with a 11 year old when he was 7, and the girls father knew about this and called the house. But Devins father was very proud that his 7 year old son was banging chicks. 7?! Jesus Christ that is young. This somehow led to him getting suspended from school which made him very happy. And then he ends it with possibly the greatest line in the history of rap. Pure genius.

Sonics album...

Sonic, is a regular here at RR. We interview the controversial 90's star from time to time, and the last interview can be seen HERE . Back then we were asking him his thoughts on the passing of his former running mate Chester. Since that time, Sonic has come out with a new rap album. On that album is a "tribute" song to Chester, and the controversial new single, "Dem Jews got the Jewelz". We sat down with Sonic for his thoughts....


Q.) Sonic you are no stranger to controversy. Your new single, "Dem Jews got the Jewelz" is being called anti-semitic. Is this true?

A.) It is what it is. I'm not making up shit, you know what I'm say'n? Dem Jews do got those Jewelz....am I right? This song is making people aware of blood diamonds and little black children dying, you know what I'm say'n? 

Q.) Huh? 

A.) The Jews man...how they get the Jewelz. They turn black kids into jewelz or some shit, I wasn't really paying attention during that movie.

Q.) Ok, what about your song that is "dedicated" to Chester, entitled, "Heaven Got Another Pussy". The inside artwork of your booklet also has a picture of you standing in front of a tombstone that reads on it, "Here Lies A Bitch Ass". Many people think that is a diss towards Chester too.

A.) It is what it is.

Q.) How do you respond to these lyrics from that same song: "Chester was a bitch but he no longer here, I won't be happy till his kids disappear."

A.) You got it all wrong, it was a dedication man.

Q.) Closing comments?

A.) Fuck Dog the Bounty Hunter.

2.13.08

HA HA HA HA! Ok so it snowed a little in the NY today. Im not gonna lie...the roads got bad, even my Jeep with 4 wheel drive was having some trouble. But that is not the point of this story, this about justice....this is about the poor finally getting back at the rich...seeing the rich crying. Ok so at one point the traffic was not moving an inch. Im wondering what the hell the big hold up is. So I finally move and I see the first "victim". Its a Mercedez Benz in the middle of the orad, trying to move but stuck. Inside the car sits a middle aged beyotch. I felt like stopping and asking her for Grey Poupon. So we continue forward a little bit...until I see the next stuck car. What do we have here? Well its a BMW, with some rich prick behind it. HA HA HA! 4 Wheel Drive you rich mother fucker! Sim Simma, who got the keys to your Beema? Its not over yet tho...to top it all off there is one more stalled car. A Growing up Gotti wanna be douchebag driving a Porsche. I love it! Watching these rich fucks struggle totally made my day.

2.12.08

Ive always been wearing hats my whole life. The thing is recently...I have become very bored buying 800 different variations of the same "New York Mets" New Era hat. That is when I discovered that New Era actually partners with emerging fashion companies and does some crazy shit. Here are two of my favorites thats I own...

This first one is for a company called The Hundreds. I fucking love their logo, and have this hat in navy. That little bomb reminds me of something from a video game or something, and that logo is genius. There hast are HOT, and there is one with the bomb huge all over the side that is very rare. Any true fitted collector will have that one in their collection.
This is a really interesting one too. This hat is made of corteroy and features artwork done by the San Francisco based artist...Jeremy Fish. Its like a skeleton pirate ship splashing through some waves and is pretty fucking crazy. This is definitely the weirdest, craziest hat that I own. If you check out some of his artwork online, you'll see some crazy stuff.

Besides for these limited editions, I also love Minor League Baseball team hats. There are about 1,000 teams and they have some really crazy logos.

2.12.08

GWAP GETTA....

Yup Yup! Thats me mother f'er. I done get that gwap. I went out to Long Island yesterday and got my one thousand dollars handed to me in bills. Yup. Thats what happens when you gamble on the Giants. There is NOTHING better then money you didn't earn. When that money was handed to me I instantly ejaculated into my boxers. Your probably thinking big deal...well considering I have erectile dysfunction and haven't gotten a hard on in 2 years, it kinda is a big deal. Gwap Getta. I could make it flood on these ho's now. HA HA HA HA!

2.11.08

Just found out that Roy Scheider died today at the age of 75. This is not really a big shock to me. I was actually working on his house in Sag Harbor this past summer and met him. He could still move around, but looked like a walking corpse. You probably best know him as the main guy in Jaws, which is still one of the best movies ever IMO. Peace out Roy.

2.9.08

I am outraged! One of my favorite shows ever, "Inside the NFL", has just be cancelled by HBO. I was so fucking furious that i felt the need to write HBO a letter, because quite frankly they are fucking up bad. Here is the letter I sent...


How could you cancel one of the greatest shows on your network? Of course I am referring to "Inside the NFL", the only other original program I enjoy on your network besides "Entourage". With "Sopranos" now gone, and "Inside The NFL" following, I really don't see a reason to keep HBO. This was a "bonehead decision", which HBO seems to be making a lot of lately. After you screwed the DeadWood and Carnivale fans, you decide to put on that softcore porn show which is not even worth naming. And add to that the terribly borning "Big Love", I rather watch "John from Cincinatti" for Christs Sake. This is a network I always considered top of the line, but now, it is definetly second to Showtime. You are about to lose a couple of lifetime subscribers.

2/6/07

Fuck Herbal Essence and their marketing genius. Every day when I take a shower, on the back of My Herbal Essence shampoo is this question. It asks, "What is the most played sport in nudist colonies?" The big problem is their is no answer on the god damn bottle. If I want to know the answer I have to buy the conditioner. The problem is I don't use Herbal Essence conditioner, so this is a question that will never be answered. Every day I stare at it in the shower, and think what the answer could be. It cant be a sport that puts ones peesh-a-deel at risk. Sliding nude in baseball is a scary thought, and the snap off in football could lead to unintentional gay sex. So what could it be? After months of thought i've narrowed it down to one sport...I would bet a million dollars that the answer is Volleyball.

Parade...

Just got back from the NY Giants parade or as I like to call it, mayhem. Thats basically what it was. It was very reminiscent of a scene from Cloverfield. Organized chaos. Groups of people gathered together, cheering and waiting, and waiting. I jumped up on some poor saps van and all of us basically collapsed it, but about 1,000 dollars worth of damage. We were in the one spot, then we were told the giants aren't coming that way. So we then go somewhere else, and the same thing happened again. It was everyone running from one spot to another, and I didn't see one god damn Giant. We wound up in some bar which became the most popping place in the city. That is where the true magic happened, with toasting champagne and throwing glasses around. Despite not seeing one single Giant, I had a great time at the parade.

1.04.08

Wow...Amazing. It really happened. The Giants beat the "unstoppable" Pats. David took down Goliath once more. I must say, that was the greatest game I have ever seen. An emotional roller coaster that almost landed me in the hospital with a heart attack. Eli Manning grew up into a man right in front of our eyes, and wound up putting one of the all time great Super Bowl performances. It was the greatest win I witnessed as a fan and it also score me one thousand dollars.

CHAMPIONS!

SUPER BOWL DAY!

Ok....its go time. I can NOT wait at all. I am so ready for this, and regardless of the outcome, I am very proud of this team and will wear my Eli Manning jersey with pride. First we rid playoffs past ghosts of Jeff Garcia. Then we beat the Cowboys in Dallas in a classic game which brings a smile to my face every time I think of T.O. crying after the game. And plus that whole ordeal with Jessica Simpson. Then we went to Green Bay in the fourth coldest game in the NFL. This game was a real old school throwback and couldn't have been scripted better. I haven't had this much fun watching a sport since the Knicks in 1994.  It was a real rough journey and I feel that this team deserves the championship. As far as the playoffs go, no team has played better or had to endure as rough wars. The Cowboys and Packers games were WARS. This is it BABY!

SUPER BOWL! pt. 2

The Patriots are mother fuckers. There is nothing else to be said about them, and if you root for them then you too are a mother fucker. Not only did they videotape the Jets and other teams this season, but now it has been revealed that they also taped the Rams final practice before the Super Bowl in which they beat them. This is a classless organization that should honestly be removed from the league. Every player on the team should be banned to play again and Bellichick should be put in prison. I have never hated and sports team as much as this one, and NO WAY should they go down in history as the greatest team ever. Despite being a Giants fan, I would even root for TO and the god damn Cowboys over these cheating mother fuckers. They have no class, the have no personality, the run up the score, they are everything that is wrong in the world today. If the Giants win they are doing the world a favor. This is not even just New York anymore, this is the U.S. vs. Boston. And speaking of Boston, you suck. Boston sucks. Boston is like the little jealous bastard brother of New York. The people there have less class then Jersey. At least Jerseyians admit that they suck. If the Patriots win this game then the terrorists have already won. I bet you didnt know this, but the Patriots are also responsible for videotaping all those Bin Laden tapes. Bin Laden is a huge Patriots fan, so is the devil and Adolf Hitler. Did you also know that Bill Bellichick invented the AIDS virus in a lab in Kenya to kill black people and gays? Also, the Jews didn't kill Jesus like Mel Gibson wants us to believe, it was actually Tom Brady who suggested a crucification. Tom Brady also supplied those hicks the guns in Columbine. Don't even get me started on the Holocaust. There are very few things that I really HATE. I really cant think of any off the top of my head...but the Patriots are that for me. There is nothing redeaming about this team...I bet you every other team in the NFL called the giants and wished them luck. FUCK YOU PATRIOTS!

SUPER BOWL!

Oh yeeeeeah baby! This is probably the biggest day of my life, as my favorite sports team the NY Giants are led by the unstoppable Eli Manning into Arizona for the big show. I'm about to break this game down from every which way, and I GUARAN-DAMN-TEE that I will be correct. Oh you doubt me? Well lets jump back in time to last year. You can check out this POST. I predicted that the Colts would win the Super Bowl 28-17 against the Bears. What was the actual final score that year? 29-17 in favor of the Colts. I was ONE point off. This year...no points off.

Ok so lets break it down. You have the hottest team in football right now, The Giants, against a team that could be the best of all time, the Pats. The key here is that the Pats are not playing good. They have looked awful in the playoffs, but are such a great team, that even when awful they can still win. Brady had one of his worst performances against the Chargers, and the sole reason they won was because Maroney took the team on his shoulders. I find this funny because the whole regular season the biggest criticism of the Pats was a weak running game. With Brady possibly injured right now, and not playing well, the Pats will turn to Maroney again. I honestly dont see him being a factor at all. The Giants are great at stopping the run. Lets look at the Packer game. The big concern was Ryan Grant. Ryan Grant tore up the Seahawks the week before, against the G-Men, he was non existant. Who will be a problem for the Giants? Randy Moss. He has had only two catches this whole post season and you can tell he is getting frustrated. The Giants safeties must step up big once again, and they must be very physical with Moss. Eli has to connect to Burress, who is simply on fire right now. They also need to pound the ball with Jacobs to tire out the defense, then bring in the explosive Bradshaw who I think will have a BIG game, a Super Bowl MVP type game. As for the Super Bowl MVP, the likely favorites are Strahan or Eli.

Now lets get ballsy with the predictions. I predict a rather high scoring game, with back and forth blows. One team scores and then the other. Now this is how I think it ends... Tied game with very little time left, Pats with the ball. The Pats drive down and nail a field goal, giving the Giants the ball back with like 1:45. It appears like one last drive to get in field goal range. Now what happens? A deep pass to Burress or Bradshaw breaks off a run and....TOUCHDOWN! Giants win by 4. So you want the Super Bowl score? Here it is....

Giants - 38

Patriots - 34

The Wrestler.

Just got back from Jersey and had an awesome experience. It appears that yours truly will be an extra in the new Aronofsky film, "The Wrestler". Aronofsky directed "Requiem for a Dream", and one of my favorites, "The Fountain". This movie stars Mickey Rourke and is about a broken down wrestler who went from the big time to the very small time. It just read Marissa Tomei is gonna be the female lead too. So anyway, we drove down to jersey to this little rinky dink like ballroom, where this wrestling show was being held. in between matches the crew and Mickey would come out and film some stuff. They got some good shots of me and my friends going nuts yelling and a close up of me yelling, "Your a bum!" I hope some of our stuff makes it in. We put a lot of energy into this role. Rourke was looking huge BTW. He must be on that Stallone diet of HGH.