4.29.07

Here are some lyrics to a rap song I wrote....

"So take 3 steps fowards and about face,
its one step foward and always a step back,
and its hard to come back,
when you fall off track,
What might start as a small little crack,
might one day shatter the whole glass,
And I wrote this sitting in the back of class, Didnt pass,
but what was I knowing,
Physically my body was showing,
but my mind wasnt there,
As he teaches about equations and b 2 squared,
I was dreaming about my first movie premiere,
my head in the air,
or rather in the clouds,
Can't admit I'm fucking up cause I'm just too proud,
Feeling like a day not wasted, was a day wasted,
knew what I had to do but couldn't face it..."

4.27.07

Sorry but it's true. New Jersey is like the little runty brother of New York. And the Statue of Liberty is like the woman they are both fighting over. I'm sorry Jersey..Ellis Island might be in Jersey but the Statue of Liberty is all ours! And the same applies for the New York Giants...the NEW YORK Giants. I would however give the Jets to New Jersey. I dont really have a problem with New Jersey but its just accepted that it sucks. I think even Jerseians will tell you. New Jersey is the Garbage State. Everyone is dying from cancer over there and it really does smell like shit. Making it smells like garbage because it is filled with white trash. HA HA HA!

4.24.07

I went today to pick up my son from karate class, and God Dammit, the class was running long! Listen up Sensai, I don't care what color belt you wear..cause all I know is my belt comes off and we call it the "Black and Blue" belt or the "Welt Belt". If that ain't making things clear enough for you Sensai, I'm going to beat you within an inch of your life with my belt!

Johnny Appleseed.

YEEEEEEEEES! It feels just like Christmas morning, or when the clock strikes 12 on New Years. This is a MAJOR MAJOR holiday, and yes I'm aware that the Jews refuse to celebrate it. But before I tell you my plans, we must look at the history, and Johnny Appleseed....

Yup, thats him. One of the most feared men in history. He was a very tall, slim, agile man; who suffered from schizophrenia. He was also the uncaught "Jack the Ripper", but those were in his later years , and I'm not covering that. It all started when God made Adam and Johnny in the Garden of Eden. God became so repulsed by watching the act of gay sex, that he then made Eve. Adam and Eve became a couple, and the flamboyantly gay Johnny became very jealous. He then convinced Eve to eat one of Gods forbidden apples. When God found out, he condemmed Johnny to eternal life, doing nothing but planting apple trees about the world. Lets fast foward to April 22, 1846...The date which Earth Day was conceived. Johnny Apleseed was eating the eyes of some Native American children (BTW: He only eats childrens eyes) when some colonials came across him and unloaded all the ammo they had on him. He vanished without a trace, and the celebration of "Earth Day" was born. However, some people to this day still have sightings of Johnny Appleseed.

And thats that. So what am I doing for Earth Day? Well I'm going to take my two little children to the park....Ok, they are not actually my children by birth.....Ok, they might just be two kids I kidnapped, but we will have a fun Earth Day regardless.

4.21.07

1 Day until....
EARTH DAY!

Now I present to you the "Official" Earth Day Song (dont hold me accountable, I didn't make this up):

"Oh Earth, you are a planet,
But they ruin you, God dammit!
You are the best fucking planet,
If you were a black women you would be named Janet,
If you were a women I would take you out for dinner,
Then we could adopt Asian children,
Maybe we'll kiss like the French,
and I'll "accidently" finger your butthole,
But you can also be a bad mommy,
like killing those dudes with the Tsunami,
But at least you don't shoot up schools,
cause that just ain't cool,
You feel more natural then pregnant girl porn,
And New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits,
but Chinese food makes me sick."

4.18.07

Lets talk about Queens, New York...It is the "Capital of Charisma". The most charismatic people come out of Queens...BELIEVE DAT! Here is a list of some:

-James Brown
-Charlie Chaplin
-Bob Costas
-Rodney Dangerfield
-LL Cool J
-50 Cent
-Madonna
-Paul Newman
-Babe Ruth
-Jerry Seinfeld
-Jerry Springer
-Donald Trump
-Christopher Walken

Thats like a list of the best people ever...It makes me proud to be from the same place as Christopher Walken...

4.13.07

Why are the cops bothering this guy? Okay, he might be drunk, be he admits that. But if they would just listen to him, its obvious he wasn't driving. A "motherfucker" jumped into his lap while he was driving, and he told her to jump off. Now is that really his fault?! Videos like this make me hate the police even more.

4.9.07

What do I have to say? Well I got a quick interesting little story for. You may not remember it, but think back to that movie "The Fugitive". You know, with Tommy Lee Jones and Harrison Ford? Well it is based off the TV show which is based off actual events. Anyway...I was talking to someone who knew someone who spent time in jail, and at one point the "Fugitive" was his cell mate. Now the story with the "fugitive" is that a doctor comes home to find his wife dying and sees a mysterious man fleeing. He then flees the cops. Well apparently, the "fugitive" confessed that he actually did kill his wife. You might not find this interesting but some fanboys might have a heart attack when they hear this.

Another story from this same guy...who worked as a government official. Quick tidbit....Bill Clinton was a big time cokehead. For a period of time he talked to police. One cop confided in him his deep feelings as he was undercover, very similar to DiCaprio in "The Departed". This guys undercover work led to his wife divorcing him and he also had the FBI investigating him for criminal charges. Apparently he was real close to snapping, just like DiCaprio, and this guy said Dicaprio had the acting down pat. I don't know, just some shit I found interesting...

4.08.07

Easter Sunday - The Day Jesus became a zombie!
Wanna know how to get chicks...just take this movie as an example. This is ACTUAL dialogue from the movie, "Shark Attack 3: Megalodon". This wasn't tampered with at all, and it may be one of the greatest movie lines ever. This is my Easter gift to you...(Click the pic, for you non-computer savvy people)

4.4.07

Spring Break & Boobies
You might have seen "Spring Break" on television. You probably think its all girls flashing boobies and making out...and dancing and drinking, and partying like Roman kings! Your fucking wrong bucko! Spring Break isn't nearly as glamorous as it is portrayed on television. Does waking up covered in your own urine, at 5 in the afternoon, not knowing what day it is glamorous? Is eating 3 day old Domino's pizza every day glamorous? Is it glamorous that I can't even get it up anymore?! Huh? No but seriously...this spring break hasn't been so great thus far. Thank god I got my New York Mets playing again. I really should have planned a vacation or something. Enuff of that tho....I used the word earlier, and I think its my favorite word right now....and that word is BOOBIES! This is such a great word...its so much classier then saying, "Look at the tits on her!" Now there are many different terms you can use to call a girls breasts...Boobies is still my favorite tho....Here are what breasts were called over the years.....



OTHER NAMES FOR BOOOOOOOOOOBIES!

1930s: boobies, fried eggs, knobs, knockers, the twins
1940s: balloons, boobs, maracas, pair
1950s: cans, jugs, lungs, melons, bazooms, TNT (two nifty tits), gazongas, goonas, snorbs, hooters, wallopies, nay nays, milk bar, shock absorbers
1960s: baby bumpers, bazookas, funsacks, rack, chabobs, chichibangas, credentials, nice pair of eyes, tremblers
1970s: honkers, mammaries, bazongas, chalubbies, dangleberries, glands, tit lottery (beauty contest)
1980s: tatas, flight deck, handles, balangas, bazoombas, num-nums, bongos, top set
1990s: fuck udders, puppies, rib cushions, shoulder boulders, chebs, chest flesh, ditties, fleshy bagpipes, nards, nugs, willets


LoL...ok there are a few good ones there... TNT (two nifty tits), nay nays, credentials....

4.1.07

Im Joining the Marines...

You know...I'm about to finish up this 2-year college and get my associates. But then what...I have no idea what I want to do afterwards. I just figured I would go to another college and get my bachelors...but thats not what my heart wants. I have this emptiness, like an icebox where my heart used to be. I want to actually make a difference. I want to help my society...to help this country I love! I want to shoot some Arabian cocksuckers in the name of freedom. You don't like Democracy mother fucker?! Well...now your dead! I want to shave my head and be told when to wake up and have a normal schedule. I'm joining the Marines. This is what I've decided. I want to die for this country....Oh by the way, April Fools.

3.28.07

incarcerated

Bad news gang....I just witnessed "The Chief" get arrested at Maurice Park. Who is "The Chief" you ask? Well he is a basketball loving guy...and he loves...ummm...basketball. Basically, I dont know the guy, be he has become a fixture of Maspeth and Maurice Park. Every night, no matter rain or snow, you will see a lone shadowy figure shooting hoops in the park. He is always there! Never with anyone and always just shooting alone into the late hours of the night. We gave him the nickname "The Chief", because he strongly resembles the same named character from the movie, "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest".

So I'm there at the park tonight shooting around with my friend. All of a sudden a police van rolls into the park. The Chief is the of course, and he pays no attention as the police van drives around the park. All of a sudden the police van drives onto the court, almost hitting The Chief, and the doors open and the cops come rushing out holding pepper spray. The Chiefs reaction doesn't changes as they turn him around and cuff him. A cop then comes over and tells us to get lost. I turn to my friend in shock, "They just arrested The Chief!" Why was The Chief arrested? One could only guess. But something tells me it involves underage bestiality.

3.26.07

Bizarre Asian Man

So I decided to be "fancy" and live the lavish life, and go to "T.G.I.F" for dinner...or as us socialites call it, "Fridays." I'm sitting there enjoying my boneless buffalo wings (What the fuck kind of mutated chickens are they making now without bones?!) and I see a group of people cheering and clapping. Standing at the edge of the table is an old Asian Man with a huge smile on his face and everyone is applauding him. On his head he is wearing a paper plate that is cut out into the design of like a bird. Now this table was like teens to early twenties. This guy must be doing that tamagotchi shit, or whatever the hell that paper art is called...but why is this older crowd laughing and applauding. Anyway, this guy makes his way over to us pushing a cart. I swear to God I've seen zombies move quicker then this guy. (And I ain't talking about these new light speed zombies...that is bullshit! Everyone knows zombies are slow as shit.) By the time this slow bastard gets to my table I can have him make something for my grand kids. I'm watching him as he makes a Sponge Bob paper hat for a kid, he's pretty talented...I'll give him that, but he's also a PERVERT! After the kids, he walks over to a group of teenagers, all girls. He begins cutting away at his paper plate with a huge smile on his face. His masterpiece is then done. Its the silhouette of a man, and the Asian man then pulls down on it revealing a huge penis which this paper man is someone stroking. The table erupts in laughter as curious kids look on only to be scarred for life. When he finally got to my table he sold me this cute little furry thing called a Magwai. He said not to get it wet or some shit, but I wasn't really paying attention.

3.23.07

Tyson has the greatest quotes ever...

"Your sweet...I'm gonna make sure you kiss me good with those big lips."
" I wish one of you guys had children so I could kick them in their fucking head, or stomp on their testicles, so you could feel my pain...cause thats the pain I have waking up every day."
"I'll eat your asshole alive, you bitch!"
"I'll fuck you in you ass in front of everybody!"
"I'll fuck you till you love me faggot!"

3/22/07

300 IS GAY!

Am I the only one who thinks that 300 might be the gayest movie ever made? Its obvious that this movie was made for gay men, the fighting and action is just a cover , this movie is G-A-Y. Look at every guy...half nude with six packs that look painted on. Look at that black guy, what the fuck is he wearing?! This movie was made for gay men and women...Fat, suburban, stay at home moms. And the funniest part is people are saying how manly this movie is. I'm not saying its bad, cause I haven't seen it, but this movie is GAY!

3.19.07

EPITOME OF MASCULINITY AWARD

That guy above might be one of the most bad ass men I have ever seen. He's the host of the show Man vs. Wild and his name is Bear. His friggin' name is Bear! C'mon now! How can you not be bad ass with a name like Bear. Here are some of his achievements...

He is a Karate black belt, served three years with the Special Air Service, a special forces unit of the British Army, during which time he broke his back in three places while parachuting over Southern Africa. Oh and he also climbed to the top of Mount Everest.

Now onto his show, Man vs. Wild. You have to see this. Its on Discovery Channel by the way. Basically this guy is dropped by parachute in some crazy fucking location with nothing but a knife. I saw the episode where he was dropped in the middle of the rain forest. He then jumped down waterfalls, chopped down trees, built a awesome little tut that would've probably taken me 2 weeks in a matter of hours. He then caught fish barehanded and built a crazy good raft and floated down the river, back to civilization. Now the best part is this show is done like an educational video. He explains to the viewer how to build rafts and what not. Thanks Bear...next time I decided to go wander into the middle of the rain forest with no supplies, I'll know which frog not to eat because of it being poisonous. It's absolutely hilarious to me. "When you get to a river like this...your going to want to make yourself a raft. Find these trees like this and simply chop them down." Then it cuts away and when it comes back theres the most perfect raft I've ever seen. This guy makes McGyver look like a retard. And thats why I'm giving him the first ever, "Epitome of Masculinity" award.

MJ A RACIST?!

MJ A RACIST?!

This is a funny story....lets take it back to my high school days. My Global History teacher was a black women by the name of Ms.Grey. Now this women was black and proud! Every month was black history month to her. I don't give a damn about learning about black history, but honestly, every single lesson we learned about was about some black activist. It really became a little much, and it became apparent to me that she wasn't too fond of my white skin. You have to understand...she really was out of control. I know its a touchy subject but I had both white and black kids telling me she was taking this whole Black Pride thing too far. Basically, my grades pretty much sucked and I was somewhat of a class clown..so she would pick on me. Me and her didn't exactly have the best relationship when a our first big project came up. It was me, my friend John and two girls in a group. John was a screw up too. Me, being the lazy asshole I am, decided I was going to do absolutely nothing and my friend John would write the part I would present for me. The girls were on their own. We had to do this project on like famous black figures and present it before the class. So anyway, the day of the project comes about and I see the one girl in our group dressed up as Jackie Robinson talking before the class. I go up to my friend John and he hands me some index cards. I don't bother to read it, and say..."Lets Do it."

So I go up before the class and start reading off the index cards. I don't really remember what it was about, something about the Negro Leagues I think...but I do remember this one part..."Black people are naturally fast runners because they used to have to run through the jungles of Africa. They also did a lot of running as slaves." I said this and the teacher could give me a look that could kill. I felt like Kramer standing before the class. I couldn't believe my friend wrote this for me to say. I knew I should've wore my black face and sung Mr.Bojangles for this project! I wound up getting a -55 on this project. Thats no joke! Not even fucking positive numbers! NEGATIVE FIFTY FIVE! The moral of the story is this...Racism does not pay!

3.13.07

One Tough Broad.
I'm sure you've seen and heard about this on the news. Some robber punched a 101 old lady in the face while robbing her. It gets stranger tho....first off she didn't even go down from the two punches, but ended up with a shiner. The second is the guy was riding a pink bicycle. Huh? Did he steal that too? Let me tell you..this old woman is no joke.

I think I want to get a cat. I love cats...even better then dogs.I like the independence they have, and they ain't always all up in your business. However, I HATE when cats talk like humans. You might think I'm crazy talkin', but I'm serious. I have seen cats speak English on like Americas Funniest Videos. It wasn't funny or American.....I'll try to find a video of it.

Holy Crap I found it! You thought I was crazy, but its real! Talking cats are the crazy! There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, more bizarre then this. BTW: I think the cat at the very end is drunk, cause he ain't making no sense!

Ghosbusters re-made! Pt. 2

Ok, so next up in the casting call is Egon. Egon was the smart, nerdy scientist...
For this one, I'm going for a stretch. I'm going to cast someone who isn't actually an actor. He is however a real doctor, and in my opinion he's smart. He is also the host of the radio show Loveline....

Why...I dont know, I just have a good feeling about this one. I don't even know if the guy can act, but he looks perfect and is legit smart. So all that leaves is Akryods character. Im having trouble with that one...

Ghosbusters re-made!

THE NEW GHOSTBUSTERS!

I don't know lately I have this big hard on for the Ghostbusters. When I was a kid man, nobody was cooler then the Ghostbusters. They were like my freaking role models. You know how kids want to be astronauts? Well, I wanted to seriously be a Ghostbuster. Shit, I still want to be a Ghostbuster, I just wish ghosts would start getting rowdy so I could get some work. Anyway...Ive been thinking A LOT about who I would cast in a new remake of the Ghostbusters. You have to understand...I've been thinking A LOT about this....LETS BEGIN!

Bill Murray's smart ass character, basically the leader of the Ghostbusters....This is one of the most bad ass characters in movie history. This is a big role to play, and big shoes to fill...So who could do it? Well, theres a actor I'm pretty big on...I think he's underrated and anyone who saw Just Friends will probably agree with me...I present the new DR. PETER VENKMAN!

Yup...Ryan Reynolds..Van Wilder himself. He even has that perfect cocky smirk needed for the role. NEXT.....

Its Winston...the only black Ghostbuster. He really didn't have that big of a role in the films. However, in the remake, I would give him a much bigger part. So who is it going to be? Another talented up and coming actor who could be mad funny...especially while he's busting ghosts....THE NEW WINSTON IS....LUDA! Yup...my pick for Winston is Ludacris. I really like the way this is shaping up...I'll have my other two picks in....PART 2!!!!

MEGA MILLIONS!

Yes its true! I have won the Mega Millions....I am now $377 million dollars richer! So what shall I do with all this money? Well, I have a few ideas...but remember people, I'm keeping it practical...

- Buy a house made entirely out of solid gold or chocolate
- Sinks made out of the ivory tusks of a Wolly Mammoth
- A fully functionable replica Batmobile, Knight Rider car, Mach 5, and the Inspector Gadget car.
- Every piece of equipment used in the Ghostbuster movies.
- A Playstation 3....actually, thats too expensive
- A pet Raptor, like I had when I was a kid.
- Jurassic Park..not the movie, the actual place
- Fansworth Bentley
- Paulie's robot from Rocky 4
- Some cyborg body parts
- A unparalleled arsenal of weapons, just in case the terrorists want to get rowdy
- A leopard or a panther
- iPhone
- Every article of clothing I wear will either be pastel suits like Miami Vice, or Scarface suits.
- The Titanic, straight from the ocean floor and restored.
- The New York Knicks and the reformation of the XFL and the ABA.
- I wouldn't adopt a child from a third world country...but rather the whole third world country.
- A huge tank filled with gold coins that I can swim in like Scrooge McDuck.
- Purchase the tomb of Jesus from James Cameron.
- The franchise of Roy Rogers restaurants.
- A Statue the size of The Statue of Liberty of Christopher Walken.
- A time machine so I could be a part of the Boston Tea Party.
- The Baha Men, to perform at my command.
- Britney Spears hair that she shaved off.
- Pee Wee's Playhouse

3.7.07

3.5.07

You know....people don't cease to amaze me. No matter how crazy you think something is..someone has probably done it. I was just reading about a drunk Australian guy who caught a shark with his BARE HANDS. They asked him what possesedhim to do this and he responded, "Probably the liquor." Now, I have done some stupid shit when I'm drunk but trying to check a shark bare handed? I would at least bring some kind of stick or something with me. Im dumb, but not that dumb. And it doesn't stop...today, 2 black kids...One 18 and the other 17..got arrested for making a 2 and 5 year old hit a blunt of weed. The 2 year old hits it and coughs, and then complains about the munchies...no lie! Amazing...and heres the best part...they videotaped themselves doing this! Im sure we all got someones dog drunk or high once, but a 2 year old?! And why are you filming it?! Oh, and Britney Spears wrote "666" on her forehead, claimed to be the anti-christ, and tried to hang herself. What is in the water people? Has everyone lost their god damn minds? I think people are just having trouble coping with the fact that Anna Nicole is gone....

3.4.07

LoL...I just noticed something funny. Go to the right and click out the blog archive and click on the arrow in front of February, then check out the dates...that is why you don't drink and blog kiddo's.

3.3.07

TOP 5 SCARFACE QUOTES:

This movie has really become a huge cult classic....but I question the integity of some of these so called "fans". I personally think that Tony Montana is one of films greatest characters, and he also has some of the best quotes seen on the silver screen. Heres my top top five and I left out the over used ones like, "say hello to my little friend!" and "say goodnight to the bad guy!"

5. Tony Montana: You know what your problem is? Elvira Hancock: What's that? Tony Montana: You don't got nothing to do with your life. Why don't you get a job? Work with lepers. Blind kids. Anything's gotta be better than lying around all day waiting for me to fuck you. Elvira Hancock: Don't toot your horn, honey. You're not that good.

4. Tony Montana: Me, I want what's coming to me. Manny: Oh, well what's coming to you? Tony Montana: The world, chico, and everything in it.

3. Tony Montana: You wanna waste my time? Okay. I call my lawyer. He's the best lawyer in Miami. He's such a good lawyer, that by tomorrow morning, you gonna be working in Alaska. So dress warm.

2.Tony Montana: Is this it? That's what it's all about, Manny? Eating, drinking, fucking, sucking? Snorting? Then what? You're 50. You got a bag for a belly. You got tits, you need a bra. They got hair on them. You got a liver, they got spots on it, and you're eating this fuckin' shit, looking like these rich fucking mummies in here... Look at that. A junkie. I got a fuckin' junkie for a wife. She don't eat nothing. Sleeps all day with them black shades on. Wakes up with a Quaalude, and who won't fuck me 'cause she's in a coma. I can't even have a kid with her, Manny. Her womb is so polluted, I can't even have a fuckin' little baby with her!

1. Tony Montana - I tell the truth, even when I lie!

3.2.07

FUCK ANNA NICOLE SMITH!

Yeah I said it...just cause you died doesn't all of a sudden make you a good person. Anna Nicole is not a good person...shes a drugged up gold digging whore. I can't believe how the media is making her out to be this saint. What has she done good? Shes a terrible mother..her teenage son is dead, and this is what really got to me...Apparently she was shooting up heroin while pregnant with her daughter. The world is better off without this whore. She was a joke in life and her death is a damn joke to me too. I want to go the funeral and piss all over the corpse...and if your shocked you know deep down you feel the same way. Oh where should we bury the body? I would put the rotting corpse in that fucking closed down Taco Bell with all those rats.....

Speaking of which...if you still eat at Taco Bell you are a sicko! First off you get E Coli and now the rats are running wild! So you can eat crappy food while 14 rats run around, jumping on tables, dancing like the fucken WB frog, and then you go home and get sick with e coli. C'mon now...

UPDATE!!!!

Well apparently Taco Bell is taking care of this problem. But how are they doing this? I swear I couldn't make up something this good:

"So now, the parent firm that also owns Pizza Hut is hiring a rat wrangler to review health standards at its restaurants in the city.
Bobby Corrigan is a world-famous expert on rodent problems. He once spent months living in a rat-infested barn to study the animals' behavior."

What? A rat wrangler? Is this guy gonna have a cowboy hat and a rope, and actually lasso these rodent scoundrels?

Getting Robbed

GETTN ROBBED HOMES!

Have you ever been robbed by some Vatos? No? Well then your missing out! It is a very fun learning experience. I remeber when I was "robbed" by some Vatoses. This story takes place back in my glorious highschool years, when I was a sophmore. Me and my friends got on the public bus (Q88...holler!), and of course went to go sit in the back like all cool kids do (Duh!). It was a normal boring ride, until we hit one stop and about 20 Vatos got on the bus wearing bandannas of all colors of the rainbow. I remeber thinking, "Is the Puerto Rican Parade today?" These were straight up "gangstas". I think there is a big difference between gangstas and gangsters. Gangstas are all about image and proving their thug, a gangster is someone involved in organized crime and whos main concern is money. Bottom line is that these kids were dressed like douchebags and you just knew they were trouble. They started yelling on the back of the bus in a language that wasn't American. It was either Spanish or Chinese, I couldn't tell, too me all foreigners sound like the teacher from Charlie Brown.

These Vatos were about to get their rob on of me and my gringo classmates. I see them ask some kid from my school for his discman (Compact Disc player for the young'n's....kind of like a iPod) and he just goes and hands it to them. Granted; my classmates were outnumbered and these kids were a lot older, but at least say something, stand up!...its not like they had a gun.....Oh....Just then one of them pulls out a gun.

So picture this scene...about 12 kids from my school in the back of a public bus all sitting down. About 6 of them I know, and they are my friends. Standing around us, surrounding us, are about 20 gangstas in their mid twenties. One of them has a gun out robbing people for wallets and discmen (like a iPod), and this is all during the day! And these kids are like yelling, "Rob this mother fucker!" What the fuck was the bus driver doing?! The only excuse I would except is if I went up there and saw mother fucking Mr.Magoo driving that bitch!

This is something I found very funny. After they rob about 2 kids, they decide its about time to explain their motives. I felt like I was in a cheesy superhero movie where the villian tells his plans to take over the world right before he is about to kill the hero. One of them spoke out to the group...

"You know why were doing this? Because when we were younger, we used to get robbed by white kids like you. Now, we turned the tables and rob you." So basically they were Puerto Rican Robin Hoods. This gang's charisma was actually starting to grow on me.

Now it gets good...this is my favorite part...they put the gun directly on some nerdy kids leg, so that the barrel is right there and the gangstas finger is on the trigger. The kid looks scared as hell and is just sitting there watching...as he is about to get his thigh shot. Actually, now that I think about it...the kid actually looked kind of casual. He was about to get shot in the leg and he looked like he was taking a shit on the toilet. Then all of a sudden the gangsta pulled the trigger.....Nothing. it wasn't loaded. Then all the gangstas laughed, and I joined in. The gangsta then took out a clip and loaded the gun, "Next time you won't be so lucky."

I see the kid with the gun robbing people on the bus in a line, and I realized I had like 3 people in front of me, before I was gonna get asked to run my pockets. Do you really think I was gonna let these fucks take my wallet filled with 10 bucks?! I was not running on my braveness but rather my cheapness. I did a quick move and transfered my wallet from my back to front pocket. The kid came up to me and asked for my wallet. I sat up and showed him I had none in my back pocket. He didnt believe I didnt have a wallet and asked me to open the front of my backpack. Now this is true...I opened it and saw a Dr.Grip pen. I pulled it out and said, "You want this?" He looked at it and said, "No...but good looks." WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT! This was a thick Dr.Grip pen....That alone is worth shooting the bus up. But thats basically my story...After this incident I went Death Wish 4 on these bastards and killed every last one of the gang members, culminating with a fight with the leader in a dark alleyway as it pourred.

2.25.07

"50 Cent is a Clever Bastard!"
So I'm just chilling out max and relaxing all cool...when all of a sudden 50 Cent's widely popular "In Da Club" comes on the radio. Damn, this song was on heavy rotation..and it still gets played all the time at clubs. But why did it really get so popular? The beginning plays and 50 goes, "Go shorty, Its your birthday!" Boom! There it is! I heard that and said, "50 Cent is a Clever Bastard!" If there are 3 things I know, it's that all girls...

1. Love taking pictures, especially group shots.

2. Love singing Journey's "Small Town Girl" when they are drunk at a bar

3. Love birthdays..especially their own.

And 50 Cent knew this too. It will always be someone's birthday, and that song will always get played with some girl thinking 50 made it especially for them. "Wow, the song says its your birthday, and it like totally is!" I still think all girls talk like 90's Valley Girls by the way.

Oscar Preview

CAN YOU SURVIVE THE OSCARS?

Yes, the image above is that of rap group Three Six Mafia celebrating their Oscar win. That is also when the Oscars officially jumped the shark. Your telling me that they deserves Oscars but one of the greatest directors ever, Martin Scorsese, does not? Yeah I agree, "Hard out here for a pimp" is a great piece of music *cough* but I mean c'mon! I'm still waiting for one of them to make the Oscar statue into the centerpiece on a chain. But anyway...who am I kidding...When I saw them win a smile came across my face like I won the lottery. Watching these uptight pricks nervously applaud while they excepted was awesome.

This is the Oscar preview...Is it possible to watch the entire broadcast without dying of boredom...I don't know? I love film but I think that is a feat that can only be performed by a gay fashionista. Let me pick the winners real quick...and if its anything like my Super Bowl predictions, this is basically what will happen...(BTW: I have a big time hard on for The Departed, its one of my favorite films ever)

ACTOR IN LEADING ROLE

Winner: Forest Whitaker

I think this is basically a lock.

ACTOR IN SUPPORTING ROLE

Winner: Eddie Murphy

Playing a James Brown knock off might get him the role of James Brown in Spike Lee's upcoming flick.

LEADING ACTRESS

Winner: Helen Mirren

Lets move on...I have no idea why I chose her.

ACTRESS IN SUPPORTING ROLE

Winner: Jennifer Hudson

Too bad you couldn't win American Idol! A award Americans actually care about!

BEST DIRECTOR

Winner: Martin Scorsese

God damn he better win. He is owed this for Mean Streets, Raging Bull, and Goodfellas. And I think Departed is just as good as any of those films.

BEST PICTURE

Winner: Saw 3....kidding...Little Miss Sunshine

I never saw it, but I hear its overrated. I personally would pick The Departed.

2.23.07

"STAY GOLD PONYBOY!"

Yo Pony, the way you dig sunsets...

thats gold! Stay gold Ponyboy...

Stay Gold...

Manlover

I propose a change. I think the term "boyfriend" needs to be changed. If I'm called that I find it offensive. First off, I am not a boy...I am a MAN! And number two; if your referring to me as that, we are not friends...we are lovers! So I propose that the term "Boyfriend" be changed to "Manlover". Imagine two girls talking..."Yeah my boyfriend is coming to pick me up..." and the other girl turns to her and says, "Well, my manlover is coming to get me." How do you think she will feel? If your answer was small and inadequate, you win.

7.19.07

GREATEST SONG EVER...

What song for my money is the greatest sung song ever? In my opinion the greatest singing performance I have ever heard belongs to the man above, Sammy Davis Jr. I definetly think Sammy was one of the top 5 performers who ever lived. The greatest singning I have ever heard is on the song "Mr. Bojangles". Damn, that song is powerful, you can hear the pure emotion in Sammy's voice. And when Sammy hits that second to last "Mr. Bojangles", Jeez...thats talent! If you never heard this song, do yourself a favor and hear it. And while were at it, watch this video...one of the best performances I have ever seen...And BTW many people have covered this song..but Sammy's is the only real one in my opinion.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkASMIiU1Yo

7.16.07

Jeez, that R.Kelly pic certainly is the creepy. I can't even look at my blog. I really have nothing to say in this post, but I'm just posting this so that nude R.Kelly model isn't the first thing I see when I open the blog. So let me post a pic of one of my favorite places ever....the rainforest. Before I go, I just remebered something I wanted to get off my chest. My biggest fear ever...and this might be weird to some.....is being stranded in the middle of the ocean. Im not making this up either...I cant think of anything scarier then stuck in the middle of the ocean...especially at night. Nothing is scarier to me then just floating there, looking up at the starry sky, and looking as far off in the distance any way possible, and seeing only ocean. And then you know that there is crazy shit swimming right below you, like sharks and god knows what else is down there...giant squids? Man, I'm scaring myself right now. Anyway...I had this horrible nightmare the other night. One were I actually popped up awake and was like, "Oh shit! Thank god it was a dream!" I was some kind of race car driver, and I was driving on this futuristic bridge. I was stuntin' and somehow went flying off this bridge, which was above water by the way...and then the car flew VERY VERY far and I was in the middle of the ocean as the car was plummeting underwater. Sorry my dreams dont make that much sense! Anyway...the car is sinking and Im trying to un-do my seatbelt. Finally I get it off and realize I dont have my cellphone on me. Why this was such a big deal, I dont know...but in the dream I was like, "Oh No! I forgot my cellphone! How am I suppose to call while I'm underwater now!" And thats about the time I sprung up in my bed, the scardest (is that a word?) I've been in a while. I'm not even messing with you...this is all true. Ok enough of that...I don't want anymore nightmares...Lets look at a picture that always makes me relax and calm.

VD-Day

TOP 3 LOVE SONGS!

Wow....that pic might be pushing it a little but I couldn't resist. In honor of Valentines day I wanted to post my top 3 loves songs. Of course I had to have my man R.Kelly represented as the pic, so I went to Google and typed in "R Kelly" and hit images. Lo and behold that was the first pic that popped up. I couldn't believe it, apparently R. Kelly doesn't have a penis, but rather just a big bulge. I think this post officially marks the downfall of this blog. Anyway lets count down the TOP 3 LOVE SONGS!

3. "Kiss From a Rose" - Seal

It does not get any more romantic then this song. This song single handidly made Batman Forver a success, and because of this and that U2 song, is the reason I own the "Batman Forever" soundtrack. Seal is currently married to Heidi Klum....and you know its not because of his looks. That man looks like the black Freddy Kreuger with his burnt up face. No...the reason he bagged a girl like that is because of this song.

2. "Shes Like The Wind" - Patrick Swayze

Not only is he probably the greatest actor of our generation, but he might also be the greatest singer. Dont let that new Lumidee remake play you for a fool, this is the real deal version. What does it mean that shes like the wind? Shes quick and blows? I really dont know, but I do now that its deep, and I know that we are some partyin mother fuckers.

1. "Sex in the Kitchen" - R. Kelly

Here it is...the most romantic song ever. A whole song about having sex in the kitchen.

"Sex in the kitchen over by the stove, Put you on the counter by the buttered rolls, Hands on the table, on your tippy toes, We'll be making love like the restaurant was closed"

Wow...what a picture Mr. Kelly paints here. They are not just having sex anywhere, they are having sex right next to the buttered roles. But why does the restuarant have to be closed? I guess R.Kelly would rather be out eating then having sex. But thats not even the sexiest part...not by far! The sexiest part is when the music stops and then out of nowhere R.Kelly comes in with the line..."GIRL IM READY TO TOSS YOUR SALAD!" He doesnt even sing it, he yells it. Its a great line because it could have too meanings. Since they are in the kitchen he might actually be tossing salad, or...he just might be eatin out some girls ass...

HAPPY VD-DAY!

2.12.07

Wondering what the perfect Valentine's gift is......

Well wonder no more...

"Not gonna get you a diamond ring, That sort of gift don't mean anything Not gonna get you a fancy car, Girl ya gotta know you're my shining star Not gonna get you a house in the hills, A girl like you needs somethin' real Wanna get you somethin' from the heart ,Somethin' special girl...

It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box babe, It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box girl"

Thats right...a dick in a box! Now girls don't even be fronting like you wouldnt love to have a dick in a box.

1: Cut a hole in a box

2: Put your junk in that box

3: Make her open the box

http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/uncensored.shtml

2/10/07

R.I.P Anna Nicole Smith.....I smell something very fishy about this death, and no, its not her privates. First her son, now her. I dont know...but I bet you that Howard Stern has something to do with it. And for those of you out of the loop, Im talking about her lawyer, not the shock jock.

2.09.07

Fear and Loathing in Maspeth.......
well another day of facing off against the beast called strep throat. I have nothing but meds that cause drowsiness and i havent been able to sleep any night, then i take benadryll so i have been moving about like a zombie in a dreamworld. I got to school today and found my friend in the parking lot and then semi smashed my car up parking. I was acting erratic and told him I had class at 3:30. He said that no classes started at that time and i called blasphemy, I walked in and sat down at 3:35. The class was watching a movie and I totally interrupted and sat and looked at everybody staring at me. Ten minutes later class is dissmised. Wow! That was the quickest class ever! The teacher calls me to her desk, "why were u say late?" I stand bewildered...a million thoughts racing thru my head, my face hangs there with my eyes glazed over, my mouth semi open about to let out drool. I look like I might collapse onto her desk at any minute. "Strep Throat..." She then asks if i have my homework..."Strep Throat". She says its ok and lets me go home.

Now this is my favorite part. I get in and my dad tells me my grandpa called and has found out I'm sick. He says it in such a way like, "Your grandpa has found out your doing coke." I call him back and he explodes on me. "Your sick! You got no job, and now your sick, your always sick! Your a stubborn bastard, you wear no winter coat and no hat on your melon with your hair all wet! You stay out all night and dont get enough sleep and now your sick! Your lifestyle is shit!" He the hangs up the phone in disgust. I couldnt help but laugh. When I get sick, its like I brought this upon myself. I swear that is just about the exact phone conversation word for word. I might have said 2 words the entire time. People get sick and get symathy calls, but no..I get hate calls calling me a good for nothing loser.

Now the best part of being sick...and this is me taking advantage and being a dick. I know I have trouble going to sleep so I ask my dad for one of his prescription sleeping pills. He gives it to me and I take that, the Bennadryll, and another herbal sleeping pill all the same time. You get very drowsy but I dont go to sleep. Instead I get one of the best highs ever. I feel like I dont have a worry in the world and I just "float" thru the internet. I also do a lot of writing in this state, as I am right now. My thoughts aren't always that logical tho...and this will lead into another story.....

I was on the same combo of drugs and i was laying down thinking, about life and movies and whatever when IT HIT ME! It was this idea for a Romantic Comedy called "Prince Charmingless". I dont remeber the details but it was really bad. I was so convinced howere at 3:40 on a Tuesday Night that I immediatly texted some of my friends. The text was really crazy and some guys have it memorized. The next day I had no recollection of this until I saw the text. See, this is what happens. I can easily see how someone could become addicted to sleeping pills, but I just like to do it once in a blue only when Im sick.

2/5/07

Wow...that Super Bowl was far from super. Even the advertisements lacked energy. The highlight for me was when Prince covered the Foo Fighters "Best of Me". It was kind of weird but very enjoyable....and the Prince logo is extremly bad ass. Anway I must say I was right on the money with this game. I said the final score would be Colts 28 and the Bears 17. It ended up Colts 29 and Bears 17. I was off by one point. I predicted Grossman would have 3 intos, he had 2. I also said Manning would win MVP and he did. I got to give myself a little pat on the back with this one. If you dont believe my claims scroll down to my last post. I must say I was pretty damn accurate. I should become a psychic.

SUPER BOWL!

SUPER BOWL!

Ok so its that time of the year again....Probably one of my favorite "holidays". Super Bowl Sunday is upon us, and I'm about to break it down for you. Now the Super Bowl is about much more then a game... It's about the fanfare and Janet Jackson nipples. And this year should deliver...cause at halftime we got the enigma Prince, and singing the star spangled banner is one of my fav's, Billy Joel. And I already saw one commercial, starring the king of Popozao, K-Fed. It was actually pretty funny.

This game is time for Peyton Manning to solidify his legacy, and for Rex Grossman to prove he does not deserve to be starting quarterback. This game will allow the Colts defense to prove they arent as bad as thought, and this banged up Bears defense is as good as thought. For some reason I don't see this game being all that good, I think the Colts are really going to take it. I'm predicting about 3 interceptions for Rex Grossman, and the Colts to basically lead the whole game. The final score I'm going with is...

Colts 28

Bears 17

As far as the Super Bowl MVP goes...I know the league wants Peyton to get it, but I think the rightful owner will be Jospeh Addai, however I feel it will go to Manning anyway. But overall I'm predicting a dull Super Bowl.....Next year will be more exciting when the Giants play the Jets.

Yup, it seems like Eli Manning agrees with me.

Popobawa!

POPOBAWA!

No, not the K-Fed song...

I present to you, the scariest monster/demon/ghost that has ever existed.

This is an evil spirit that has terrified African people and sent them into a mas frenzy. Up above is what it looks like, but it is usally invisible and appears with a puff of smoke. Ok so its just another monster...just like Bigfoot or the Lochness...but no! What this creature does makes him the most fearful bat winged cyclops ever! Im gonna paste and exerpt from Wikipedia here now....

"Popobawa is variously described as either a ghost or ogre with a gigantic penis and bat wings. He is sometimes thought to be a shapeshifter who looks like an ordinary human during the day. His presence is usually announced by the sound of scraping claws on their roof and a sharp, pungent smell. Different from other incubus legends, Popobawa primarily attacks men and only in their own beds, resulting in many men sleeping outside in streets or on porches after recent reported attacks. He attacks men as they sleep, overpowering them, holding their face to the floor and sodomizing them for up to an hour. People who claim to be victims of Popobawa are mostly poorer residents on the island of Pemba, though other reports have also come from other islands and coastal Tanzania. The victims are threatened with repeated, and longer, sodomizations if they do not let their friends and neighbors know of their experience. It is thought that Popo Bawa reports are the result of episodes of sleep paralysis."

WHAT THE FUCK?!

not only does this monster with a giant penis ass rape you for an hour, he then makes you go tell everyone you know about it or he does it again. Pain and shame.....God damn, we are worried about AIDS in Africa but what we should be worried about is the Popobawa. And this aint just one incident, a lot of people have claimed to been attacked by this creature. This is one of the oddest things I've heard....but anyway...Good Night and don't let the Popobawa sodomize you!

1/29/07

Ok, a quick rant. This should be made a law. A person should not be allowed to throw away another persons left overs. Just now, I was sitting at my computer and I was feeling hungry. My mind starts racing about what I could eat, then all of a sudden I realize I got Chinese food in the fridge. There is nothing I could go for more right now, and I become ecstatic. I race to the fridge and open it up and....where the hell did it go! I search every inch, and its no where to be found. I close the door, walk away and then come back again thinking it might magically re-appear. Its got to be there. ...My dad wouldn't throw it away would he? I open the garbage and there is my chicken and broccoli. Son of the Bitch! Man, I was craving that shit. This is worse then finding out theres no Santa. I became enraged like never before. The rage blinded me and next thing I knew I was standing over my dad as he slept, watching him from the shadows, as my hand tightly gripped the knife. Bottom line is this, NEVER throw away someone elses leftovers, it is a mortal sin punishable by death

Logo

1/27/07

Im gonna give out some free advice. I usually charge for such gems of knowledge. Usually, when an elder is giving me advice it goes in one ear and right out the other. It's not due to a lack of respect, but rather the fact that the times they are a changing. Things are different...How much help can a guy who doesn't know how to turn on a computer give me? Trust me, this wont stop me from giving advice in the future, and telling tales that begin with, "Back in my day..." Shit, I'm 21 and I already start stories like that. "Back in my day if you liked just one song, you would have to go out and buy a thing called a single. We had none of this Napster bullshit!" The key to this is being very bitter and to spew venom. Anyway.....I don't remeber who it was, but someone gave me this nugget of advice. For some reason it stuck with me, and now, I give it to you. It has to do with e-mail addresses. Now I know most of us made them when we were young and stupid, but you really should make a new "normal" one. When your going for a job, and your dressed in your fancy suit, and your talking all respectable-like, and then they ask you your e-mail and you say, "CrAzYaSsKiLLa" or "ShOrTySLuT69" (BTW: That second e-mail is mine, don't take it!) do you really think they are going to hire you? You need something normal people! How about just your name? And while I'm ranting, what the fuck is that up and down lettering? Is that cool or something? I never understood that and probably never will.

1/24/07

Whats up Dudes and Dudettes. Well school has just restarted and I must say this semester is looking like the suck. I try to stay positive, but I have given up. I am officialy sick of school and this is only my first week. I actually find myself growing bored with everything. Im tired of my neighborhoos and I actually think I'm tired of New York. I feel I reached the point where its time for a change. I think I did as much as I could where I am. Maybe I'm just having a mid-life crisis. When things start feeling too comfortable and routine, I get bored and out if it. You need to throw in a little spice, but not enough to the point where it tastes like shit. When life gives you lemons, you suck the juice out, and when life gives you raw meat, you buy a George Foreman Grill and grill. And you got to cry over spilled milk, and if at first you don't succeed, hire someone more capable. Thank you....adios amigos.

1/21/07

So I was flying back on the plane yesterday. As expected, some terrorists started to get a little rowdy, but lucky for the rest of the passengers on the flight, I've been working out. It was boring as hell on the plane and I wound up watching a "I Love New York" marathon on VH1. Wow. Thats all that can be said about that show. Anyway, while I was watching that I messed around with this editing program on my comp and made this rap video with random clips found on my comp. I think it came out pretty good. It has all the normal cliches of a rap video in it: rims, grills, girls, slow motion movement, and of course Tom Cruise dancing. You can check it out here.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXa03Pm8w6w

Quote of the Week: "I have enough money to last me the rest of my life - provided I die tomorrow."

1/16/07

Well I can't sleep worth a shit and I got a plane heading to Florida at 7AM. This will certainly be a red eye. And this is the first time during the break I will be waking up before 12PM. I have become such a lazy worthless piece of shit during this break. I've been living the lifestyle of a vampire. Its funny cause your dying for school to end when your in it, and now Im actually happy its coming back to get my ass back into shape. So off I go, but before I vamos, I want to leave some words. This a quote taking from an MTV interview, by the latem great Ol' Diry Bastard aka Baby Black Jesus aka Dirt McGirt. You make sense of what he's trying to say and you win a prize...


"It's okay though, because its not like a thin line between love and hate. Boy, when them boys sing that song back in the days...I never knew what the hell that mean, and I still dont know what it mean. But I know, thats its a thin line between love and hate, and I know that damn well we are some partyin' mother fuckers!"

The Great Fire

" The Fucking Hotel is on FIRE!"

I was just at the gym. I'm working out and all of a sudden every fire alarm in the place starts going off. I look around to see if anyone is panicing and it appears like no one else notices. Then the front desk gets on the speaker and says to come to the front and evacuate the gym. Apparently a fire broke out in the back. See, this time I casually walked out, and I did that for reason...See, I already had my great fire scare. I was not going to overreact this time.

This story takes place on our trip to Cleveland. It was Fear and Loathing in Cleveland. Everyday, as soon as you woke up, it was necessary for you to immediatly start drinking. These were the rules, and they were not meant to be broken. So anyway, me and two of my friends are chilling out one "morning" (3PM to 4PM) drinking some beers, eating left over Papa Johns, and watching "Real TV". Don't ask me why, but "Real TV" wound up being the only thing we watched on this trip, no other shows. And in all honesty, a fight actually broke out because my one friend tried to change it...he learned his lesson as he wounded up with a bloody nose. Anyway where all chilling out max and relaxing all cool, when all of a sudden the fire alarms in the whole hotel go off. Now we ended up in a "non-smokers" hotel room, not by choice, but we did. My one friend Hoss, would keep "secretly" smoking anyway. Me and my friend Ray would yell at him everytime that he was going to set the alarms off. As soon as we heard the alarm go off me and Ray both instinctly turned to Hoss with a stare that could kill. We both expected to see a cigarrette dangling from his mouth. But he was innocent...so what was causing this? I walked outside the room in my wifebeater and pajama pants to investigate. I'm still not sure, maybe I was drunker then I thought, but I saw alot of smoke coming from around the corner. I ran back into the room, "The hotel is on fire! We gotta get out!" My friends also in pajams looked at me shocked. They wouldnt budge. "I'm not joking! Get up!" The now started to rise to their feet. I walked out back in the hallway. "C'mon!" My friends started to grab their belongings. "What are you doing?!" My friend looked at me, "Getting my wallett." I was now furious, "Fuck your wallett! The fucking hotel is on fire!" I was yelling in anger. I was certain we were going to be burnt to a crisp. Just then, the person across from us opens his door, and has a small child peering out from behind his leg as he stands by the doorway. He see's three guys at 4pm all in pajamas. He see's one guy in the hallway yelling and panicing. He see's two other guys frantically trying to grab all their belongings. He gives me a look like, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" and then goes back into his apartment and closes the door. I stand there feeling like a complete idiot. I look over to my friends, "False Alarm guys."

1/9/06

ITS HERE!

You are looking at the future. Don't even finish reading this, go buy stocks in Apple right now. You are looking at what might be the biggest selling product of our lifetime. That my friends is the iPhone. A sleek new phone that relies entirely on touch screen. And its even thinner then a Razr. It also plays a shitload of music like a iPod. This thing is going to sell like hotcakes...that expression is actually going to change. In the future people will say, "That thing is going to sell like iPhones." This bad boy also has full internet capabilities. Basically this phone is the shit. It's only 5 months away, so you better get ready...your life is going to change forever!

1/8/06

Another lazy day of "winter" break. I use the term "winter" loosely. The days have just been flying by. Do you see that up above? Theres a hidden picture in there that can only be seen with those with the "Magic Eye". Click on it to make it big, then cross your eyes like an asshole and maybe it will appear. If your cross-eyed you will automatically see it without trying. I personally, am probably the best at those things. I can see any one, at any time, within seconds. They say everyone is born with a talent and I'm glad I discovered mine. I heard that when you die and go to the gates of heaven, God shows you a "Magic Eye", and if you can't see the image, you go straight to hell.

MJ At the Movies 2

MJ AT THE MOVIES 2

"Fuck IT!"

Todays movie is Stephen Kings cult classic "It". I searched online and all I could find was the Spanish version cover, so we will refer to this movie as "Es". It has a scarier ring to it anway. I do not like this movie. Bottom line. I don't like that fucking clown....I don't like any fucking clown. This was the only movie I was afraid to watch as a kid. And I'm not saying that to brag...I watched Freddy Kreuger and Jason no problem. I used to root for the bad guys, but this one...this shit was way too extreme. A killer clown?! Thats all I needed to hear. I remeber this actually being a TV mini series. The first half was awesome. "Es" the clown used to live down in the sewer and tempt kids in by giving them candy. Then he would eat them, and spit their bloody tiny sneaker to the surface. Thats nightmare material right there. I was scared shitless. I hate clowns so much, that, true story, I almost got "sick" and didn't go on our 7th grade class trip to the circus. I'm not freightened by them now, but I would rather they not be around. Ok so then I saw part two. And part two of "Es" totally ruined it for me. Its revealed that "Es" is some alien spider or some shit. Lame! He was scarier as just a regular clown! I think the kids defeat him with a slingshot and a stone. Then they ride a bike really fast and the deaf girl learns to talk again. I really think I remeber that last part happening. You people probably think my memory is shot, and this doesnt happen, and the blanket in "Little Toaster" doesn't die, but go out and rent them and you will see I'm right! Anyway as far as "Es" goes...The second half really kills it...

I give it * 1/2 (1 and a half stars)

MJ At the Movies 1

First let me address some controversy. People were outraged by my earlier post about wireless headphones....

ImAdrock@aim.com wrote:
wireless headphones wont become popular anytime soon for a number of reasons. 1. there are no music devices that are bluetooth compatible. 2. bluetooth technology is very expensive 3. if they do make them they would probably look like headset radios. you would need space for batteries and chips.

Phenom430 also explained that wireless headphones are actually available but they look god awful. They don't use bluetooth technology and have a wire coming out the top. Well I assure you that bluetooth technology will become cheaper, every new phone comes standard with it now and all new cars have them too. Its gonna become pretty standard, just give it some time. Enuff of that....Its time for a new feature, I review a movie I haven't seen in ages and my review is based sorely on my memory (which isn't that good)

MJ AT THE MOVIES

Ok... now this movie was one of my all time favorites as a kid. I used to watch this like a fiend, and it will go down as my bestest favorite Disney movie. See, nobody knows this but household appliances come to life when you leave the house....Duh... and they all have different personalities. Some are even a tad bit evil, some are sexually confused. For instance, I think in this movie the radiator was a mean cranky mother fucker (literally, he banged his mother the iron), and that blanket on the cover was like a whiny baby, even though it was mad old. The appliances don't appear to age with time, but are rather born with an age. I know, its kinda complicated. I could imagine the shower having a personality like that drunk homeless guy who wanted to watch my male friend use the toilet (true story). Anyway, some douchebag kid moves out and leaves all his appliances at home including the toaster. Why he left everything? I don't know. Why this kid is even messing around with a toaster at his age I don't know either. So the toaster takes some friends with him and they go to look for the kid....but wait a sec, I dont think all the objects were alive, just the main characters....and why doesn't the radio have a face and eyes and shit? They go on a crazy journey and I think that little blanket gets torn to shreds and killed. I'm serious...I really think he dies...I think I remeber this devestating me as a kid. In the end the toaster makes it back and the little kid is thrilled to see him and says he missed him so badly (cough*bullshit*cough). What little kid loves a toaster?! Wouldn't he miss his blankey, that was torn to shreds and killed, a little more? I dont think the radio makes it either. I could recall him getting smashed up in a back of a garbage truck. Shit; This movie was really violent. This movie screwed me up as a kid too. If I like dropped a dish or something, I would get sad because I thought I murdered him. I was going to say "him or her", but I can't recall any female appliances. Man it would've been really weird and confusing if one of the female appliances was somehow hot. I'd go spoon with the spoon. HA HA HA HA! Anyway this movie is real good, a tad violent but good.
I Give it * * * (3 Stars)

(If anyone knows for sure about details in these movies, leave a comment...I'm curious now if that blanket actually dies.)

1/1/07