CHAMPIONS!

SUPER BOWL DAY!

Ok....its go time. I can NOT wait at all. I am so ready for this, and regardless of the outcome, I am very proud of this team and will wear my Eli Manning jersey with pride. First we rid playoffs past ghosts of Jeff Garcia. Then we beat the Cowboys in Dallas in a classic game which brings a smile to my face every time I think of T.O. crying after the game. And plus that whole ordeal with Jessica Simpson. Then we went to Green Bay in the fourth coldest game in the NFL. This game was a real old school throwback and couldn't have been scripted better. I haven't had this much fun watching a sport since the Knicks in 1994.  It was a real rough journey and I feel that this team deserves the championship. As far as the playoffs go, no team has played better or had to endure as rough wars. The Cowboys and Packers games were WARS. This is it BABY!

SUPER BOWL! pt. 2

The Patriots are mother fuckers. There is nothing else to be said about them, and if you root for them then you too are a mother fucker. Not only did they videotape the Jets and other teams this season, but now it has been revealed that they also taped the Rams final practice before the Super Bowl in which they beat them. This is a classless organization that should honestly be removed from the league. Every player on the team should be banned to play again and Bellichick should be put in prison. I have never hated and sports team as much as this one, and NO WAY should they go down in history as the greatest team ever. Despite being a Giants fan, I would even root for TO and the god damn Cowboys over these cheating mother fuckers. They have no class, the have no personality, the run up the score, they are everything that is wrong in the world today. If the Giants win they are doing the world a favor. This is not even just New York anymore, this is the U.S. vs. Boston. And speaking of Boston, you suck. Boston sucks. Boston is like the little jealous bastard brother of New York. The people there have less class then Jersey. At least Jerseyians admit that they suck. If the Patriots win this game then the terrorists have already won. I bet you didnt know this, but the Patriots are also responsible for videotaping all those Bin Laden tapes. Bin Laden is a huge Patriots fan, so is the devil and Adolf Hitler. Did you also know that Bill Bellichick invented the AIDS virus in a lab in Kenya to kill black people and gays? Also, the Jews didn't kill Jesus like Mel Gibson wants us to believe, it was actually Tom Brady who suggested a crucification. Tom Brady also supplied those hicks the guns in Columbine. Don't even get me started on the Holocaust. There are very few things that I really HATE. I really cant think of any off the top of my head...but the Patriots are that for me. There is nothing redeaming about this team...I bet you every other team in the NFL called the giants and wished them luck. FUCK YOU PATRIOTS!

SUPER BOWL!

Oh yeeeeeah baby! This is probably the biggest day of my life, as my favorite sports team the NY Giants are led by the unstoppable Eli Manning into Arizona for the big show. I'm about to break this game down from every which way, and I GUARAN-DAMN-TEE that I will be correct. Oh you doubt me? Well lets jump back in time to last year. You can check out this POST. I predicted that the Colts would win the Super Bowl 28-17 against the Bears. What was the actual final score that year? 29-17 in favor of the Colts. I was ONE point off. This year...no points off.

Ok so lets break it down. You have the hottest team in football right now, The Giants, against a team that could be the best of all time, the Pats. The key here is that the Pats are not playing good. They have looked awful in the playoffs, but are such a great team, that even when awful they can still win. Brady had one of his worst performances against the Chargers, and the sole reason they won was because Maroney took the team on his shoulders. I find this funny because the whole regular season the biggest criticism of the Pats was a weak running game. With Brady possibly injured right now, and not playing well, the Pats will turn to Maroney again. I honestly dont see him being a factor at all. The Giants are great at stopping the run. Lets look at the Packer game. The big concern was Ryan Grant. Ryan Grant tore up the Seahawks the week before, against the G-Men, he was non existant. Who will be a problem for the Giants? Randy Moss. He has had only two catches this whole post season and you can tell he is getting frustrated. The Giants safeties must step up big once again, and they must be very physical with Moss. Eli has to connect to Burress, who is simply on fire right now. They also need to pound the ball with Jacobs to tire out the defense, then bring in the explosive Bradshaw who I think will have a BIG game, a Super Bowl MVP type game. As for the Super Bowl MVP, the likely favorites are Strahan or Eli.

Now lets get ballsy with the predictions. I predict a rather high scoring game, with back and forth blows. One team scores and then the other. Now this is how I think it ends... Tied game with very little time left, Pats with the ball. The Pats drive down and nail a field goal, giving the Giants the ball back with like 1:45. It appears like one last drive to get in field goal range. Now what happens? A deep pass to Burress or Bradshaw breaks off a run and....TOUCHDOWN! Giants win by 4. So you want the Super Bowl score? Here it is....

Giants - 38

Patriots - 34

The Wrestler.

Just got back from Jersey and had an awesome experience. It appears that yours truly will be an extra in the new Aronofsky film, "The Wrestler". Aronofsky directed "Requiem for a Dream", and one of my favorites, "The Fountain". This movie stars Mickey Rourke and is about a broken down wrestler who went from the big time to the very small time. It just read Marissa Tomei is gonna be the female lead too. So anyway, we drove down to jersey to this little rinky dink like ballroom, where this wrestling show was being held. in between matches the crew and Mickey would come out and film some stuff. They got some good shots of me and my friends going nuts yelling and a close up of me yelling, "Your a bum!" I hope some of our stuff makes it in. We put a lot of energy into this role. Rourke was looking huge BTW. He must be on that Stallone diet of HGH.

PIZZA!

I was watching Tom Cruise ramble on about scientology. He spoke mainly non sense except for one point he made. He said when he is interested in something, he does the research. I agree 100 percent and is a main reason I do this blog. I am obsessed with the internet. There is so much to be learned using it. When I'm into something, I love researching it on the internet. There is nothing I love more then pizza. It is the most perfect tasting think I ever ate and when done well is a perfect work of art. There are many different types of pizza...probably some you never heard of...Well here at RR, I'm gonna break each one done as best I can....

Neapolitan - This is basically brick oven style, with all the fresh ingredients, small, and thin. I don't consider it really true and is the kind you find in restuarants.

New York Style - What you think of when you think of pizza.

Sicilian - Them god damn Sicilians always have to do everything different. They go the square route.

Grandma style- Made out of body parts of grandmas. EWWWW. It also tastes and smells like grandmas. EWWWW. But seriously, it is a thin crust sicilian slice.

New Haven style - oblong shape and cooked in coal ovens.

Grilled Pizza -  cooked on a grill and basically comes out looking like a Digiornio.

Bar pizza - Small pies that leave a lot of room for beer, made with cheap ingredients.

Detroit Style - basically a Sicilian with deeper crust and sauce put on last.

Deep Dish - Duh

Stuffed Pizza - Another layer of crust on top of the slice.

Chicago thin crust - thinner and crispier then regular new york slice.

St Louis Style - Basically looks like Ellios.

California style - these assholes piss me off. They use the crust as something just to put stupid 

toppings on. Take your pineapple and shove it up your ass!

Ohio Valley Style - Square pizza with some uncooked cheese put on top after its done. The sauce is really weird and is more stewed tomatoes. Sounds great you douchebags. MMMMMM.

MJ At the Movies.

Cloverfield...... How was it? Some people claim it is the definition of suck, a film with mind numbing camera work, that can dizzy the steadiest man. True? Nope. This aint not Blair Witch here my friends. I remember seeing Blair Witch and yelling in anger through out. At the very end a black guy in front yelled out, "I paid 8 bucks for this shit and I aint see no motha fuckin' witch!" My thoughts exactly.  Well in Cloverfield you do see the monster a lot. And the monster looks like the thing above...that is an artists rendition and it is pretty god damn accurate. Sorry If I just spoiled it for you Beatrice. Ok so the movie starts with typical NYC/Brooklyn yuppie scum being mad emo and shit. It kinda sucks and makes me realize why I want out of this city. Then this mother fucker above pops up and is all like "WHASSSSSUP!" Thats the actual sound the monster makes BTW. If that wasn't bad enough, he also shoots spiders off his body that bite you and make you cry blood. Yup. So what the hell is this monster and why is this movie called Cloverfield? I DONT KNOOOOOOW! No one does quite frankly, probably not even the writer. To me the monster looks crab like with a touch of insect. It appears more alien then anything, not like something that crawled out of the ocean. Speaking of which...this was an early design that floated on the net. 

I actually like that monster now. It looks like something that would be swimming around in the ocean. And it also apparently has a bad case of the crabs that it shoots off itself. Looking at it, i think I prefer this whale looking version. The first looks kinda like a weird dog, this looks like a huge angry whale manatee mother fucker. This one is also a lot bigger. i dont know, the movie was decent...I say out of 4 stars it gets 2 and a half...very entertaining. I would see a sequel that explains more.

UPDATE: Ok...actually the explanation of how the monster came about is out there on the net. I remember before this movie came out like 5 websites were made by the company that made little to no sense. Most were mainly japanese companies. They also created like 20 full myspace pages with music, friends, and comments, all giving more and more back info into the characters. If you read all that and the japanese sites, it basically describes how this evil japanese company found this monster at the bottom of the sea. There are even characters in the film who appear for a second but have major side stories going on on the internet. Pretty cool if I say so myself. Here is one of the films sites...also the weirdest....  SLUSHO!

1.30.08

So had school for the first time today this semester. I'm taking this art class with this British guy who teaches....he looks exactly like Phil Collins. This guy is fucking intense man, and this class that is suppose to be some easy credits, actually looks like its going to be a pain in my balls. Today was about all the different colors, and how everything in the world is actually grey (wtf?). Theres a big problem here....having to tell the difference between all the different shades is hard seeing as how I am fucking color blind. And when I say that, people assume I only see in black and white. Who am I Charlie Chaplin? I see colors, its just that I cant tell the difference between some. I guarantee my "disability" will lead to some funny confrontations between me and Phil....I would give my left nut to know what this "red" is people speak of.

This deli by my house wins the douchebaggery of the week award. Days away from the Giants Super Bowl they put this large cut out of Tom Brady in front of the deli. It wasn't purposely a slap in the face, as it is promoting some kind of bootleg vitamin water. As soon as I saw it I knew I had to deface it. So today Im in the book store and I see this huge black sharpie. On the way home I rushed to the deli, but guess what....the mother fuckers took it down. They must've got complaints or someone got to it before me.

1.29.08

Leeets get ready to rumble! Last nite I went to my first ever wrestling event, as the W-W-F errr I mean W-W-E held the Royal Rumble at Madison Square Garden. Now as one mite guess, for an event like this I made sure that I was as drunk as a skunk....speaking of which, what kinda sense does that phrase mean? Do skunks get drunk? The real highlight of the night however was when I got to see my idol Michael Buffer do his usual "Leeets get ready" thing. I remember reading that this guy pulls like 30 thousand a night for saying that shit. Can you believe that? This guy without a doubt has the greatest job on the planet...he gets to watch all these huge events like boxing and such and just say that stupid line. On the way out we also ran into a totally random Daryl Strawberry...probably looking to score blow. I 100 percent recommend going to wrestling, even if you aren't really a fan. Get trashed drunk and I guarantee a good time. Its like going to the theatre... the glitz, the glamour., and it doesn't bore you to death like Broadway.

1.25.08

Came home, and somebody musta broke in the back window and stole two loaded machine guns and both of my trenchcoats Sick sick dreams of picnic scenes, two kids, sixteen with M-16's and ten clips each And them shits reach through six kids each And Slim gets blamed in Bill Clint's speech to fix these streets? FUCK THAT! PBBT! You faggots can vanish to volcanic ash and re-appear in hell with a can of gas, AND a match

1.24.08

Who you gonna call? Well the Heath Ledger story gets weirder. Apparently the cleaning lady whatever found him dead and who is the first person she calls? Mary Kate fuckin Olsen! Why? What the hell is she gonna do? Score him more coke?! She would have been better off calling the god damn GhostBusters, speaking of which, it is definetly time to rewatch those classics.

Movie Reviews. No Country for old Men is amazing. It has one of the top villians I have ever seen in a film, and to people complaining about the ending, go back and re watch the film. There Will be Blood...not as good as hyped. The pacing is kind of weird as some parts feel like a music video...Its like basically watching a reality show about living on a oil mill. I'm anxious to see this Cloverfield, I heard its great but i also heard the camera is shaky enough to make one throw up. The monster is some crab thing with a whale mouth and long tail BTW. 

What else....2 shows I recommend...The Steve Wilkos show. The GREATEST talk show of all time. Jerry Springers security guard has his own show and it totally shits on his former bosses. I also reccomend Gangland on The History Channel. Some of these true stories are so crazy if you saw it in a movie it would seem too unbelivable.

WTF?!

Heres a quick funny story I thought I would BLOG. A little background info, i drive a steel blue 2004 Jeep. So anywhoo.... I was in the park by my house playing basketball, I'm pretty sure it was the summer and hot as a mother f'er...this was a while back BTW. So naturally I was pretty exhausted, but I will not use that as an excuse for my dumbassness. I walked out of the park and couldn't remember where the hell I parked. This is not the first time I couldn't find my car, I spent many a hours wandering around a parking lot totally convinced my car had been stolen. So finally I see the steel blue jeep, and I hit the open on my clicky and jump in. I put the key in the ignition and nothing. I'm trying to turn it to no success. I then look around the car and see weird letters and other things that are not normally in my car. "Where the hell am I?!" If there was a smiley for "WTF?!" thats what my face looked like. I then looked out the window and across the street is another steel blue jeep, and in the drivers seat is this black guy with the same expression as me. We then locked eyes and I guess it clicked that we both went in each others car at the same exact time. So we both got out and laughed for 36 minutes straight before driving out. Now here is the true question....Can I open any 2004 Jeep with my security clicker...OR...did me and this guy both click at about the same time opening both Jeeps? Its a question the world might never know...and the Jeeps automatically lock, so its not that it was unlocked Sherlock.

1.22.08

Bluetooth - Does anyone really know what bluetooth is? I sure as hell don't. People claim to know, but every answer I get is different. "Oh yeah ummm...it gives you headsets and car". Whenever you go to buy a phone they ALWAYS say, "bluetooth included". And I usually say "good". Even though the truth of the matter is I could really give a fuck. i have never used bluetooth once in my life and I bet the majority of people haven't.

Heath Ledger -  Well he is dead at 28. He picked a bad time to die....From the buzz I'm hearing, he is about to explode when Batman comes out. I'm hearing good things from early screenings saying he gives a great performance. Watch him get an Oscar nod now. He apparently died of sleeping pills, which I kinda like, but apparently this wasn't accidental as he was looking to off himself. its weird, some people die to become famous and some famous people just want to die.

GIANTS! pt. 2

This blog is turning into a Giants blog. Jesus Christ...we are in the Super Bowl! I still can not believe it at all. Can we really defeat the evil-undefeated -making kids mine for blood diamonds-bloodthirsty CHEATERS called the patriots? Well I think so.

I found this very funny. in an ESPN article, the writer breaks down the pre-game show for the Super Bowl.....

"The Screaming Hour"

A panel of NFL experts stops using words altogether. Instead, pictures and symbols of Super Bowl XLII are flashed onto the screen -- Bill Belichick, the Giants' logo, etc. -- and the panelists simply scream at an appropriate volume for each.

1.19.08

Ok so here we go...tomorrow is the NFC championship game, and maybe by the grace of God my Giants will make the Super Bowl. To say that I'm amped would be and understatement. I don't know how, but it is now a reality. This Giant team is one win away from the big show, a team helmed by the doofy but lovable Eli Manning. A team that lost its "best" player last year to retirement. A team with a coach who was on the brink of being fired earlier this season. I want the Pats in the Super Bowl in a rematch from the last game of the season, a game we frankly shouldve won. This should be a fun day.

1.16.08

I give Green Bay credit....they probably have the nuttiest football fans in the world. They take it very VERY seriously. This news story is a perfect example. some guys 7 year old son refused to wear a Packers jersey for the big game....bad choice. So the dad taped him to a chair with the jersey taped on him for a couple of hours... HA HA HA HA!

NEWS STORY

Slow Motion

Every now and then I like to show love to the true poets of today. I like to disect the lyrics of todays greatest artists. I have done this before to Camron and R.Kelly, and now I welcome in Juvenile and the late great Soulja Slim. This is the masterpiece called "Slow Motion"...

[Verse 1 (Soulja Slim)]
I'm a dick thrower, her neck and her back hurting,
Cut throat will have her like a brand new virgin,
Its like when she gets used of it, then you start serving,
Hop on top and start jiggy-jiggy jerking,
Slow down for me, you moving too fast,
My fingers keep slipping, I'm trying to grip that ass,
Keep being hard headed and I'ma make you get on me,
Got a human up disguise but my face is a doggy,
If You loving my bark, let me bury my bone,
I got four or five bad married bitches at home
One of my bitches fell in love with that outside dick,
That outside dick keep them hoes sick, like

Wow...Dick thrower...I never heard that one before. Ok so apparently Soulja Slim is so cut throat and great at sex he makes girls feel like virgins. He's a real shocker...Soulja Slim is actually a dog, the human appearance is just a disguise. He also lives with a bunch of other married woman in his home, either 4 or 5, it is not important enough for him to remember. The problem is that one of those bitches fell in love with some outside dick and got sick.

[Verse 2 (Juvenile)]
Its like I got the world in my palm, your girl up under my arm
She fucked up from the charm,
She love the way the dick stay hard from 12 till early in the morn,
fine bitches if you listening you heared me i'm strong,
If you going through your cycle I ain't with it i'm gone,
you must've heared about them hoes that I beat up in my home,
They wasn't telling the truth baby you know they was wrong,
Now, make it official and drink some of that Dom,
I don't mind buying blue, you riding too, don't be asking a nigga question bout where I'm driving you,
Lil mamma my shit together I ain't jiving you,
I don't think that nigga could do you better than I could do, you know
The Juvenile from cross the street by the derby,
Same nigga used to be runnin' with Rusty and Kirby,
Can a playa from tha nolia get a chance with it,
but I can't bounce with you without using my hands with it

apparently Juvenile beat up some hoes in his home and it has become fairly well known...PSYCH! You know they was wrong! One rule when dating Juvie is not to ask where he is driving you when you in are in the car. You just shut up and except wherever he decides to take you. Also Juveniles penis stays hard 12 till early in the morn...he must be on those erictile dysfunction pillls.

GIANTS!

We fly high and you know this....GIANTS! Unstoppable....Eli Manning is! I can not believe it...this has to be one of the best sports victories I have ever seen and one of my favorite games ever. I can't even talk right now...I lost my voice from yelling like a banshee.

NFL Playoffs

Playoff weekend Beatrices!!!!!! Lets break it down!

Seattle vs. Green Bay - Ok, Seattle looked real good, but everyone knows that they are a homefield team, and take that away from them....and place them in a extremely cold rawkus Lambeau field? Its a wrap! I predict this to be a really close game, but I'm going with the Pack.
Packers 28 Seatle 26

Jacksonville vs. New England - Oh Boy...here is the team that plays spoiler. No one wants to play the Jags right now and the Pats are due for a lose. As long as the Jag 2 punch run game stays solid, and Garrad doesn't make mistakes they could win. I've noticed the Jags jump out in front but cant hang on to a lead, they can't finish teams off. And I think that is exactly what is going to happen here. Jags take a pretty good lead but then the Pats fight back...however this time, they aren't so lucky like previous encounters.
Jags 24 Pats 22

San Diego vs. Colts - San Diego looks like shit. They are not on the same page and they barely beat an injured Titans team. Everyone underestimates the Colts and in this game they prove why they are the champs. Harrison and Manning are going to have a cum fiesta. Harrison is back by the way. I don't see this one being close.
Colts 35 Chargers 17

Giants vs. Dallas - A shootout in Texas. This game is gonna be wild, high scoring. Your gonna see here that Romo can't take the heat. Jessica Simpson aint gonna be there physically but she'll be in Romos head. Also in Romos head will be the vision of him botching the place kick from last year. This is gonna be close and wild. For all the shit I give Romo, the true Cowboys mistake will be a T.O. crucial drop. Giants by a FG
Giants 38 Cowboys 35

1.08.08

I have just become a HUGE Jessica Simpson fan. I always thought she was pretty hot, but she was pretty fucking annoying. But now the stakes are different....She is the secret weapon in this Sundays playoff game. As you may know, I am a huge New York Giants fan, and this Sunday they play the Cowboys. If Jessica is in the stands I guarantee a Giants victory. The fact is that her little boyfriend Tony Romo can't take the heat when his lady friend is in the stands. This year he had his worse game when she was there. The year before he had his worse game when his then girlfriend, Carrie Underwood was there. His women pose way too much of a distraction for him, and even the Dallas fans know this. I hope she is there and they show her on the jumbo tron...I bet you she gets booed out of the stadium. If the Giants can pull this one off, I think they might be Super Bowl bound, and thats exactly what New York needs to revitalize our sports situation. Sports have gotten pretty fucking pathetic over here....So I'm sending out a request to Jessica at this time, cause I got some info that shes a frequent reader of this blog...Please come to the game this Sunday. Do it for me, do it for Romo, do it for New York.

1.7.08

So my laptop is fucking up big time. The fan is as loud as as a fucking lawnmower. When I start up the thing my dad yells at me for driving my motorcycle in the house. Then it tells me to turn it off immediatly cause of a problem with the coolant system. This son a bitch is only 3 years old! So I've been looking at other options right now, and I'm wanting an Apple. The main thing keeping me from it is those damn commercials. "I'm a Mac." I don't wanna be that guy...I don't wanna be that Phish listening, sandal wearing, Starbucks drinking, Volkswagen Beetle driving, motherfucker. The thing drawing me to it is that they named their new program Leopard, and I'm obsessed with Leopard. I want a Leopard print laptop. So I don't know right now...I guess I'll use this "old" piece of shit until it overheats and explodes.

1/6/08

AMERICAN GLADIATORS IS THE SUCK.
I am not gonna lie, I was kinda psyched for this show, thinking it might be half decent. Who didn't like the original American Gladiators? That shit was more popular then baseball. It had the right amount of athleticism and cheesiness. So I just viewed the new American Gladiators that has been getting heavily advertised. It is an absolute disaster...so bad that you better watch next week cause it will probably be the last episode before its canceled. So why is it so bad? The main reason is editing. This is a beef I have with many new action films lately, and the reason why I HATE those fucking Bourne movies. Why must every action sequence move at 1000 miles per hour and have so man fast cuts. Is it purposely to make sure no one has a fucking idea whats going on. Call me an old man, but just slow things the fuck down. The old American Gladiators was filmed like a sporting event and that gave it some credibility. The old Gladiators didn't have cheesy dramatic music and terribly fake sound effects. The irrelevant Hulk Hogan hosts the show but someone has drained him of all his 80's charisma. Besides him is Layla Ali who hasn't mastered the English language quite yet and shows about as much emotion as her father....present day. This show is a train wreck for every standpoint.

HOLIDAY BUYERS GUIDE pt.1

Ok...so now you got some Christmas money and your wondering what to buy. Well let MJ here at RR tell you whats the hottest coolest shit. I know cool and you too can be the man by buying these products....

BRAUN PULSONIC SHAVER - I just got this myself for about $215 on Amazon. This is without a doubt the best electric shaver I have ever used and that R2D2 looking thing is actually an automatic cleaner. Apparently it shoots out some sonic pulses that bring the hairs up to the surface to get the closet shave ever. Its cool now but it will probably wind up giving me cancer.
WII PERFECT SHOT - You got a Nintendo Wii? If your like me the best part of the Wii is the shooting games. Like Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles and Ghost Recon. Nintendo released an official gun but it looks like shit...I guess they didn't want to release something that looked too much like a gun with all the school shootings and stuff. So some third party released this bad mamma jammer. Every review on this has given damn near perfect scores and even better then Nintendo's official gun.

LIVING STONES - Have these small kids been crushed to death by falling boulders? NOPE! Those are actually pillows....go to the site livingstones.fr . These things are pretty bad ass, throw a bunch in the room, much better then fucking beanie bags. These rocks are pretty dope. I wouldnt mind them in my room.

2008

2008 is here. I bet you all are wondering what my resolution was....well here it is...I vow that in the yea 2008 I am going to "up the ante". I'm going to intensify every part of my life. Everything I do, I will do as hard as possible...110 percent.

I just got back from Florida and had a great New Years. The first couple of days were amazing weather, about 80 degress. But then all of a sudden it dropped to about 30. What the hell? Did Jack Frost follow me down on the plane?

Britney Spears is in the hospital for being crazy. Who has her in the death pool for 2k8? Is it possible for me to switch?

12.27.07

Just got back from the hospital...heres some good news. I got prescribed medicine but there is a chance that in my drunken drugged stupor that I might have passed the stone without even realizing it. On Christmas night I was such a drunken mess people thought I was the ghost of Anna Nicole Smith coming to take them on a journey through Christmas past. I think I might have passed it on that day. If not then its still coming and will come on out in Florida.

Well this blog is going to be taking a vacation for about a week or two as I'm going down to Florida to spend New Years. Happy New Years to all you jabronis. Oh BTW, I strongly reccomend watching "Blade Runner: Final Cut". Its a film noir decorated in sci fi. IMO it has the best sets I have ever seen in a film and some of the best cinematography. It is definetly one of the top 5 Sci Fi films. Peace out Beatrices.

12.26.07

Yo yo yo yo Yo! So I still havent passed this god damn stone, and tommorrow I go back to the hospital and the specialist. I'm guessing surgery at this point....The method involves a rusty coat hanger with a piece of chewed bubblegum on the tip. That is then inserted into my dick head and shoved up my uretha. It mite be kinda enjoyable now that I think about it.

Heres even crazier news..Jamie Lynn Spears didn't actually get pregnant by that guy she was saying was the father. She actually got pregnant by a old man who is the producer on her Nickelodeon show. So this kid could be getting set up so this guy doesn't go to jail for kiddie rape. This story is going to be huge, trust me, your never going to hear the end of this, its gonna be bigger then Anna Nicoles death.

Christmas Morning..

God damn! I still did't pass this fucking stone...I drank SO MUCH water yesterday I mustve pissed at least 60 times. Its actually 3 PM right now, and I suppose to go to some family dinner shit, but once again Im on a bunch of painkillers...you would be too if a rock was gonna come out your dickhole! A part of me wanted to pass this on Christmas. You know how if your naughty Santa gives you coal, well Santa gave me stones.

X-MAS

Today is the day that Santa Claus died for our sins or something...Merry X-Mas.

The Day

Its now 5:30 and no such luck. I have now really bad chills, I am like fucking freezing and I have just popped my first oxycodone. I've been drinking an ungodly amount of water like a camel, getting my piss to look like water, which is what they said to do. The wait continues..I think Its almost time tho..hopefully tunite.

The Night....

Ok....the waiting game. Besides the fear, there is a rush I'm getting. Everyone says how painful it is, how bloody its gonna be. I wanna see it, I wanna feel it. Its like that roller coaster. I bet you the pain ain't all its hyped up to be. I've come to notice that anyone that has any sort of pain always over hypes it to make themselves seem more bad ass. I've had third degree burns on the bottom of my foot...that is pain. Nothing can top that, not no stones coming out of my dick. I've been drinking water like a madman all night hoping to pass it...no such luck right now...I'm hoping tommorrow.

BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!

I woke up this morning to see the Giants down 14 - 0. But that wasn't all...something didn't feel right. It felt like the whole right side of my stomach was being stabbed...pretty badly. I tried to sit down but couldn't, the pain was unbearably. This was crazy and it wasn't going away, so I decided to go to the hospital. So I just got my Christmas gift a little early...In the next 48 hours a stone is going to come out of my dick hole. BA HUMBUG! Every time i stand in the front of the toilet I brace myself, brace myself for mayhem....brace myself for the male version of giving birth. The waiting is the worst part....I feel like a kid knowing he has to go get needles at the doctor. So whats the positive? I got prescribed crazy painkillers and I'm gonna walk around like Anna Nicole Smith right before her death. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared as fuck..but then again I'm not like normal men, my pain threshold is ungodly. I realize this is one of those moments that makes a man. I will tell my grandkids about this experience....oh and heres another fun fact, there is a certain size they deem too big and blast with a laser into smaller one...mine is the next smallest. SO HERE WE GO....

THE COUNTDOWN IS ON!!!!!!!

MJ At the Movies

This movie has been killing every box office record and quite frankly its pretty good. The coming attractions don't really let on to what it is...but it is a zombie flick. Im talking about the "28 Days Later" fast running angry screaming zombies. Although one could make the argument that they are more vampiric...as they cant go in sunlight and suck blood. This movie is actually a remake of the old film, "The Last Man on Earth", but follows the zombie formula of many other films.

Will Smith gives a great performance here, as for the majority of the film he acts alongside a dog, who should win "best supporting actor". In this regard it reminded me of "Castaway" with Tom Hanks and the volleyball.

The movie stalls in the middle but overall is very enjoyable...it does however feel short and could've ran a little longer. Some things aren't really explained, mainly why the one zombie is so much smarter then the rest and becomes the leader...setting up traps and organizing them like an army.

The movie is alot more of a downer then one would expect for a blockbuster, as nothing goes right in Will Smiths life. Now...having researched the book this film was based on, they really simplified it. In the book the lead character is just some average joe. In the movie Will Smith is a senator or some shit/scientific genius. In the book this guy tries teaching himself science by going to the library a lot. In the movie Will Smith hangs out at a Virgin record store renting movies and hitting on mannequins. The book seems a tad more interesting to me, as it deals more with the mental issues the main character goes through.

This film also reminds me of one of my favorite cheesy 80's horror movies, "Night of the Comet". That movie is about two valley girls who somehow survive a comet blast and are the last people on earth, except for everyone else who the comet turned into zombies. I strongly recommend this film as it oozes eighties and has become a cult classic. As for "I Am Legend", I am going to recommend it too, as it is one of the better blockbusters I have seen in a while.

12.22.07

I was just thinking about this....everybody hates Bush now a days, he has no supporters, no one supports the war in Iraq. You ask most people why, and they don't really know, but they say, "Its a goddamn war for oil!" Why are these people so angry? Because its a war for oil yet we somehow have the highest gas prices ever. I bet you if we had crazy low gas prices, about half the people wouldnt be complaining about Bush. People want to see results from this war. There is nothing...no boom in economy. There is no positive for the negatives right now.

12.21.07

Jamie Lynn Spears baby...coming to a dumpster near you!

Here we go...lets talk about random shit.
There is this new movie coming out by JJ Abrams...the dude who did Lost. It is called "Cloverfield" and is filmed entirely by handheld cameras. Everything about this is shrouded in mystery, but it basically is a monster movie where "something" comes out of the ocean and fucks up New York City to the max. I read a review that claimed the tag line should be.. "Its like a pussy that eats you out." I'm amped about this film and also the new Batman. I HATED the new Batman remake, but I mainly felt it was lacking good villians. Villians always made those movies and this one re-introduces the most interesting one. I feel Nicholson was the Joker...simple as that. No one else needs to be the Joker, but if you are trying to be, you CAN NOT try to be Nicholsons Joker. You have to have a whole new spin on it.

My friend got a new foosball table....terribly underrated game, on the same level as pool for me, I dont know why it has been labeled as a drunk frat boy game. I would LOVE to change the image and make it more elegant...something that pool has.

Christmas is a coming...once again it doesnt feel like it, as I am walking around it T-Shirts in 50 degree weather. Fuck Christmas, that shit is for kids. I don't like the decorations, I don't like the music, I don't really like it...For me its just a cock tease until New Years...the real main event. Its all about New Years and Halloween Beatrices.

Britney Spears mom was going to come out with a book about how to raise two daughters. Guess what...it got cancelled. At least it didnt come out and accidently coincide with Britney's suicide...cause that would be kinda akward. Would they have to pull the book off the shelves. Lets change Hollywood. I'm sick of hollywood being trashy and whoreish. I want it be old school, elegant and classy.

Thats it...nothing else left on my mind.

12.19.07

I just heard this great hilarious breaking news... Britney Spears little 16 year old sister is pregnant. Not only that, but shes not taking a dive down the stairs, getting a punch to the stomach, or whipping out the rusty hanger...she is actually keeping the baby! Man...this family is white trash. What a downfall they have taken...the way Britney was advertised as a sweet innocent version was amazing. I thought the sister would be the saving grace...guess I was wrong.

12.18.07

My dad is trying to kill me...
Ok...this post is a follow up to a previous one you can find over here ....http://jbotz.blogspot.com/2007/11/112807.html

The gist of it is my dad buys random shit for me at the supermarket. Well it continued.... First off I have a very unhealthy high cholesterol...runs in the family, bacon is not a wise option for me, yet everything he seems to buy has bacon in it. In my freezer right now are chicken tenders with bacon in the middle and hot pocket bacon egg and cheeses.

So I come home the other night and I'm starving. I look in the cabinet and find a little macaroni and cheese pack, called Easy Mac or some shit. You add water and throw it in the microwave for like 3 seconds and its done...its made for children, retards, and me. So I make it and I begin eating it. I notice something crunchy in my mouth. Dont worry this isnt gonna make you throw up....I look in the cup and see these little brown shits. I look at the case and it says, "Macaroni and Cheese with bacon bits". What the fuck?! What do they put bacon in fucking everything? I got bacon in my god damn chicken fingers, in my god damn mac and cheese! My cholesterol is probly world record levels now.

12.17.07

Michael Jackson is no longer a human being. He is now a mixture of a mummy and a Sith Lord. That is without a doubt the scariest thing I have ever seen. He has apparently had his lips removed now by the magic of plastic surgery. How crazier can he get?

12.15.07

An evening with Roger....

He walked into the locker room glistening with sweat. I nervously looked on as he made his way towards me, unbuttoning his jersey. He glanced in my direction and gave me a little wink. This was the legendary Roger Clemens. "I've been thinking about you a lot lately". His voice was grisly and epitomized manhood. Butterfly's flew about my stomach. He walked towards me and put his hand on my shoulder, "I think you know what I want you to do". He started to undo the button on his pants. I couldn't believe what was happening, "Ummm...Roger....Thats not really my scene and I -"
He dropped his pants revealing his bare ass. There was an awkward silence until he spoke, "The syringes are in the locker...inject my ass with the steroids!"

12.13.07

I was very skeptical about this...but he looks pretty bad ass. I am actually getting kind of amped for this, even tho I hated Batman Begins....The Joker is just too bad ass for this too suck.

12.09.07

The sole reason why my generation is so fucked up is because of 80's wrestling. Go back and watch some of the interviews now...They are the most drug induced schizophrenic nonsense that has ever come out of a humans mouth. Lets take this "Ultimate Warrior" monologue for example. Now keep in mind, Ultimate Warrior is a good guy. This might be the scariest thing I have ever seen, and if ANYONE can make sense of what he is talking about, then you are a genius. Watch this...but leave the lights on.

Doin Thangs

I have just discovered something great...Something I wish I knew about a long time ago. I have found the GREATEST album cover of all time. I remember during this period of time...No Limit Records were releasing crazy album cover after crazy album cover. Each one was more over the top with it's "gangsta". It was mandatory to feature pimp cups, guns, wads of cash, bling, cigars, and cell phones. And back then the cell phones were gigantic. This cover has all that plus one another thing that really pushes it over the "Limit". Enuff talk.....Here it is.....(Click on the pic to view it in all its glory)


Wow...what?! Big Bear is "Doin Thangs" alright. He's fucking feastin with Hugh Heffner bears smoking god damn cigars and wearing jewelry. That cover is genius.

12.07.07

Well....we are getting back to normal here at RR. The best way to deal with something like that is to forget it and not talk about it anymore...

Am I an asshole or just a New Yorker? First off a little info...I HATE the Yankees and do not own or would wear a Yankees hat, I am a Mets fan. Now heres the twist....I am going to Boston next week to visit family, and have just borrowed my grandpas Yankee hat to wear while I'm there. I will become a Yankees fan just to piss of the Bostonians. Is that being an asshole or just being a New Yorker? I think its just being an arrogant, cocky, New Yorker. New Yorkers think they are the center of the universe, and they are. Boston is like our little brother who hates being in the shadow. They are always talking about us...but it's funny because we never mention them.

12.06.07

12.04.07

BREAKING NEWS!

Wow...I gotta say, this one caught me off guard. I remember being into Chester Cheeta when I was a kid....Here is the article from CNN.com .... They messed up his name tho in the article.

"MOBILE, Alabama (CNN) -- Famous "Cheetos" mascot, "Chester Cheeto", has been found dead on this December morning. "Chester Cheeto" was apparently shot late Sunday night after getting into an altercation at a local strip club. Witnesses say Chester entered the "Cafe Erotica" nightclub around 11 PM Sunday Night. He was escorted by a 5 man entourage and came in with a garbage bag of single dollar bills. Jamarcus Ware was a patron at the club that night; "He appeared very drunk. He was flashing money around and talking very loud. At one point he got on the house mic and started rapping and challenged people to fight him." Police are investigating if he had any known enemies at the time. Apparently he later got into a scuffle with a couple of unidentified men, which came to blows and later ended with bloodshed outside the nightclub. Chester was shot 5 times in the chest. Chester Cheeto rose to prominence in the 1990's. The 90's were a time when every company seemed to be looking for "attitude". Chester was the epitome of 90's attitude. This bad boy image that landed him the job, also landed him in and out of court. He battled multiple lawsuits and drug problems and ended up in jail three times, with his longest sentence lasting 2 years. December 3, 2007 marks an end to his tragic life."

Back in the 90's I know that Chester used to roll with Sonic. They were two dudes with 'tude and the two of them used to get into a lot of trouble together. However, they had a falling out a couple of years back and haven't talked since. We have interviewed Sonic twice on this blog, which you can check out HERE.

We were recently just able to get in touch with Sonic who had not yet heard of this news. Here is the interview with the controversial Sonic the Hedgehog.

Q.) Sonic what was your initial thought when hearing this news?

A.) Good.

Q.) I know you two had a falling out, but you had to feel some remorse.

A.) No...fuck him. Chester was a no good motherfucking drug addict. The news is trying to make him out to be a motherfuckin' hero now. They talk about him selling them cheezy bullshits, but they ain't talking about him selling his asshole for crank. Go ask that asshole Dr.Robotnik if you don't believe me.

Q.) Why did you two have a falling out?

A.) I may do a lot of fucked up shit, but I always pay my child support to all my babies mommas. Thats one thing Chester would never do and it pissed me off. Why should the kids have to pay cause he an asshole? We fought over that shit and that was it.

New York Knicks

When I was a kid, the Knicks were it man. EVERYBODY loved the Knicks, even though they would break your hurt just about every playoffs. The Knicks now? The are without a doubt the most disastrous team in the history of sport. Every day, I buy the paper and on the back is something more outrageous and unbelievable then the last. I have no idea why they don't have their own reality show...lets look at some of there wildest moments....finishing with the latest craziness.

- Jeff Van Gundy leaves a practice and never returns to the Knicks and abruptly quits mid season.

- They hire Hall of Fame coach Larry Brown, fresh off winning a championship. The players, mainly Marbury, openly bash him and say he is too "hard" on them. He is eventually fired and treated like shit. Enter Isiah Thomas as coach.

- Isiah hires questionable players and winds up with one of the highest payrolls in the NBA. The moves make little to no sense as the Knicks have about 800 guards. Despite the large payroll they fail to make the playoffs and have one of the worse records. They manage to win a few games towards the end and Isiah is rewarded with a huge contract extension.

- Sexual Harassment allegations are brought against Isiah Thomas. Not only was he harassing, but he was saying outrageous things. Like how he doesn't give a fuck about white season ticket holders, and how only black people are allowed to use the term "bitch". He is found guilty. Also Marbury is brought to the stand during this case. He himself banged an intern...According to him he pulled up his huge truck, looked at her and said, "Are you getting in or what?" She got in and no other words were spoken and the sex happened. On his way out of the courtroom Marbury is singing and dancing.

- Marbury does a TV interview that is truly bizarre. When asked about why he did charity work he says, "At first my intentions weren't good." During the interview his wife calls and he refers to her as his "better ho". He also talks about kissing his sister and feeling her "body and soul". He also can not answer if the knicks will be good that season.

- The Knicks pick up Zach Randolph in the off season. A often troubled player with a history of arrests.

- Marbury finds out that Isiah is thinking of benching him so he disappears. Yup. He just leaves without telling anyone where he is going. At this same time Zach Randolphs grandma dies and he to is missing. Marbury eventually returns and is not punished by the team. It is revealed that he has "too much dirt" on Isiah to be punished.

- The Knicks play the Celtics and lose by damn near 50 points in of the LARGEST deficits ever. Knick fans at MSG chant "Fire Isiah!" even in Boston they chant it too. A Knick fan watching the game takes off his Knick jersey and throws it onto the court and storms out of the building.

- Now the latest craziness. Marbury's dad is sitting in the arena watching the Knicks lose to the Suns. He begins to have a heart attack during the game and leaves the arena and dies. Its sad and just adds to the craziness that is the Knicks.

12.02.07

I am writing this Sunday night...so you are either reading it tunite or Monday morning. If you are reading this Monday morning then this post is kinda dated and doesn't really make much sense. Don Imus returns to the radio Monday morning at 6 AM.....heres the catch...he now has a new black sidekick that is being kept under wraps. It is being treated as a HUGE secret. Who could it be? Is it those nappy headed ho's...the Rutgers female basketball team? Is it Carlton form "Fresh Prince"? Maybe its Charles Barkley? No, no, no...We here at RR know who it is. This is an exclusive but here is the new Imus sidekick....


Yup. Chris Tucker has gotten the job. Chris Tucker always gets the God damn job!

12.02.07

SHARK ATTACK!

December is shark month here at Random Ramblins. I fucking love sharks! I am obsessed with sharks a leopards. I don't know why, but in my past life I must have been a hybrid creature of the both....Actually I was probably just a Leopard Shark...yeah I think thats it...I was a leopard shark in my past life.



Sharks get a pretty bad rep...they really aren't as crazy as they are made out to be. They just don't like to be fucked with...they only really terrible thing sharks have ever done was invent the "n-word". Theres a little info for you.

These majestic creatures usually live about 20 to 30 years, and come in many different species...one of the easiest ways to tell a species is by the tail...heres a chart.




I personally am a big fan of the Hammerhead Shark...the Great White gets all the publicity cause of his little movie. Heres another weird fact...sharks do mate...but scientists also believe that sharks are also asexual. That is crazy! A hammerhead that had not had contact with a male in 3 months gave birth...they say it was a last ditch effort by the species and it asexually reproduced. Imagine if humans could wind up doing that too?

Sharks also technically never sleep. Scientists are still unsure about this...some say sharks lay at the bottom with their eyes open and still very observant. Other say that half of their brains shut down as the other does all the work and they are half conscious.

There will be a follow-up with more info coming later in the month.

12.01.07

I bet this cunt will never spill coffee again. This is a PSA commercial, I think letting waitresses know that they should have steady hands, and be more FUCKING careful!

11.30.07

GREAT MOMENTS IN SONGWRITING.....

"Sex Planet" by R.Kelly

"Sex Planet,
Come fly away with me,
ride in my exctasy,
out in the galaxy,
sex planet,
Get ready for take off,
have a safe trip baby."

"Jupiter,
Pluto,
Venus and Saturn,
I'm leaving Earth to explore your galaxy,
ten to zero,
Blast off here we go,
We'll be climaxin till we reach Mercury."

"Girl I promise this will be painless,
We'll take a trip to planet Uranus."

"I'll take your breath away,
gonna get you so excited,
Once I taste your milky way."

"So don't trip I got a giant rocket"

"I'm about to twinkle and touch your soul,
Once I enter into your black hole."

"We'll be gone for hours,
I wont stop until I give you meteor showers."

"My rocket if full of fuel baby."

SCARIEST THING EVER!

This is hands down the creepiest shit I have ever seen in my life. I know a fucking demon when I see one, and this thing is a fucking demon. I'm gonna give you a warning.....this vid will lead to nightmares.

11.28.07

A while back here on the blog, I conducted an interview with Sonic The Hedgehog. (You can check that out HERE ) He is a controversial media figure that oozes 90's attitude. Recently, I got the chance to speak with him again, and get his opinion on the HUGE success of his rival Mario's new game.

Q.) Some say you and Mario are the 2Pac and Biggie of the gaming world. Does it bother you that his new game, "Mario Galaxy" is one of the highest selling games ever?

A.) No. Playing that game is my second favorite thing to do.

Q.) What is the first?

A.) Fucking the Princess in the mouth.

Q.) Do you mean Princess Peach?

A.) No...I mean Princess Diana. I've been skull fucking her corpse while on speed for 3 years now.

Q.) Any closing comments?

A.) Yeah....The Rutgers Women Basketball team are a bunch of nappy headed ho's.

Bob Sapp vs. The Japanese

Bob Sapp is a K1, UFC style wrestler, and a HUGE star in Japan. Over here in the U.S. he is just known as football player Warren Sapps brother. The U.S. is really missing the boat with this guy. Sapp just oozes charisma and is one of the funniest guys walking the earth. Today I present you two vids of Mr.Sapp in action. The first one is of him on some game show. Scared Japanese people have to shove swords into a barrel, and if they push the wrong one, Bob Sapp pops out and kills them. Yes, it is as good as it sounds. The second video is much simpler. It is just Sapp playing Tekken against some Japanese guy. When Sapp loses a round, he gives the FUNNIEST facial expression I have ever seen.

11.28.07

What the Fuck?

When my dad goes to the supermarket, sometimes he sees random shit for sale and buys it for me. Its a crap shoot...cause its either the worse food know to man, or I really enjoy it, but never see it again because the sale is over. So tunite I'm starvin like Marvin, and peek into my fridge. What do I see? I see... Frozen Tyson's Anytizers Cheddar and Bacon Chicken bites. "What the fuck!" Chunks of chicken with cheddar oozing out of them, with bits of bacon cooked inside them. How could he think this is something I would want to eat. I could just picture his thought process..."Well he likes chicken... and he loves bacon, and he is into cheese...he should love this shit!" My dad often buys anything that is a mixture of shit I like, no matter how disgusting it may seem. He figures if I enjoy two things separately, if they are combined, I will enjoy that doubled. This is why I have 30 boxes of "Asshole Pizza" in my fridge. Wow.

I remember one day I'm sitting home relaxing. I get a call from him and I answer it. The first thing he says is "E-Men show!" I'm pretty use to insanity, so I don't even question it and just respond,"ok". He then says, "You got the E-Men show." Now I'm pretty sure he has gone fucking bonkers, and is spewing some incoherent crazy into the phone. "What?" I respond. "I'm talking with this Chinese woman....I want to know if you go the E-Men show." I still had no idea what he was talking about a made up an excuse to get off the phone. It wasn't until I got home that I figured out what was going on. He was talking to a Chinese bootlegger, and she was trying to sell him the new CD of "The Eminem Show". He was calling to see if I wanted it. It is always a giant mystery as to what he might bring home.

BTW Hulksters...the old blog layout was getting on my nerves, so I've decided to spice it up. This is the new Y2K ready blog. It looks hella sexy IMO.