10.30.07

Waiting for the fuckn delayed train writing this on my cellular device, hence the bad grammar n lack of capitalization. I was watchn the patriots sunday while they were leading the skins 38 to 0. They had the ball on the skins 10 yard line and it was 4th n inches. They then had brady run for a 1st followed by him throwing a td. That is classless n how u get a qb killed. Every defensiveman in the league will be lookn to end his season. I would love to see them try that shit on ray lewis. God damn, where the f is this train? Bottom of the 8th n the bosox r 5 outs away from another pennant; what is the only thing the announcers r talkng about? Gay- rod leavng the yanks. Its always bout them damn yankees! I think boston rather beat the yanks then win the world series...and how long has it been since a world series hasnt sucked balls? Have the last 4 years rly all been sweeps? Jesus what a tight train ride. I think i legally buttfucked two woman while sniffing a giants armpit.

Most Annoying People Ever...

1. Dane Cook - I REFUSE to watch the MLB Playoffs, not because the teams suck, but because of this unfunny emo asshole doing the commercials. I really hate this guy, to the point where I would put a bullet between his eyes. He also steals a lot of his material. There is nothing good about this man. I wish he would just die. Anyone who watched "Tourgasm" has to agree with me.


2. Criss Angel - This guy is a tool. His magic is as fake as can be, and every person he does "magic" onto his show is a paid actor. He is the nerdy, gothic, kid in highschool who figured magic was a way to get laid. Recently he's been paling around with Britney Spears. Good Job! It doesn't get any lower then that. Am I the only one who prays the worst possible thing happens when he does one of his tricks? The one day he can't get the chains off and drowns is going to become a holiday.


3. Star Jones - She should've died when she got her gastric bypass surgery. She then lied about it. She told the world she was just dieting. In my opinion she is the least attractive female on the earth. You know what...She is the most annoying person ever. I am not telling anyone to do it...BUT lets just say that someone was to murder he. Would it be that bad? Shes ugly but remain arrogant. She is also racist and a child molester.

Chocolate Rain...

I'm speechless...but I'll be damned if this song is not stuck in your head forever. The music reminds me of the theme from "The Exorcist", and I may not know what the fuck the lyrics might mean...but I do know that they are VERY deep, way over my IQ level and probably yours.

"Chocolate Rain...Cleans the sewers out below Mumbat."

1 Year Anniversary!

Yup...Its true...this shit hole is officially 1 years old. It started with a post about the Mets losing, and was followed by a story of a Walrus masturbating. What a long way it has come. It now includes stories of the supernatural, critiques of the Bible, movie reviews, a film journal, and much much more. Up above is a masterpiece I drew up...its my gift to all of you, click on it for the full effect. More great things are to come.

Now for TWO movie reviews. I went to see "Dahjee Limited" or however the hell is spelt. I usually enjoy Wes Anderson movies, I like them a lot. But this....this was awful. I feel that the movie never started. The whole time I was waiting for it to start, and then it just ended. It was basically and excuse for these guys to take a trip to India. But this is not the true story here. After seeing that we weren't completed, we needed something else...something stupid. Something where we didn't have to think. So we snuck into the only other movie playing at that time. What I witnessed was hands down, the worst movie I have ever seen. But it wasn't bad like Dahjing Limited. No, this was so bad it was enjoyable. I laughed to death, thinking how the fuck could something like this get made. It gave me great confidence in my own abilities. There were about 5 people total in the theater, and 2 left during the film. I am actually going to recommend this film, but being drunk or stoned when you walk in. What is it you ask. It is a little film called "The Comebacks".

10.17.07

How many people have really gotten a fucking needle in a apple they received on Halloween trick or treating? Who has received a fucking apple anyway?!

I put this urban legend with the rest of the needle scares. It seems like for a period of time everyone was obsessed with hyperdermic needles. Let me see if you remeber these two.....

Be careful when you sit down at a movie theatre. AID's patients who are angry at the world have planted hidden needles within seats, conatining the HIV. When you sit down it pricks your ass and your fucked.

Or.....Make sure you always look before you use a pay phone, cause there is a AID's needle hidden in the ear part. How the hell did they AID's stricken person get the needle in the phone? The opened the phone, put in the needle and then closed it up. I remeber these warnings, I even used to check this shit. Well I gotta go...Halloween is a coming and I got some needles to insert into some apples.

10.15.07

Ladies...with Halloween right around the corner, you have to consider your options for a costume:
-Sexy Nurse
-Sexy Nun
-Sexy Cop
-Sexy Witch
-Sexy Devil
-Sexy Terrorist
-Sexy Maid
-Sexy Fireman
-Sexy Cat
-Sexy Teacher

10.11.07

Three great shows on TV right now...

First is "Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia" on FX. This show has been hitting on all cylinders, and is becoming one of my all time favorite comedies. Shit, it is well on its way to being right behind Seinfeld. How good is this show? One of the recent episodes had Danny Devito dropping acid.

Next up...a new show on A&E called "Last One Standing". This show takes cocky buff Americans, and puts them in an African Tribe to fight. Guess what happens? These guys totally get their asses kicked hardcore. The tribe also makes these Americans go through "rituals". I'm pretty sure the tribe is just fucking with them. The last one I saw had the tribe cutting up the Americans whole body with piranha teeth, and then pouring salt all over the wounds. This show kicks ass.

The last show, which is basically a guilty pleasure, is "Kid Nation." Its basically Lord of the Flies televised. It's very sappy at times but there is something about it that sucks you in. Its also pretty cool to see 12 year old kids beheading chickens. This one might not be for everyone, but its very well produced.

Irish Fest

What a weekend. Out in Long Beach it was "Irish Fest". Or as I like to call it, "Who can wear the wittiest shirt about how much they drink Fest". Another good shirt would be, "If your piss drunk in the back of a hole in the wall pub sucking face with a fat freckley faced whore...the you might just be Irish!"

Anyway the real adventures began on our way home. We had been drinking since 8PM. Drinking pretty hardcore. We traveled in a pack of 6 which had dwindled down to 4 now. 3 of us left a bar and couldn't find our other posse member, whos phone died, and who wound up getting stranded there and living a night as a homeless. Swear to God, he told me his story and its just as wild as this. So now the 3 of us... me, my cousin, and some girl, get into my cousins HUGE white Escalade with 22 inch rims. Definetly not a vehicle that stands out. On a long stretch a BMW burned us and was looking to ignite a race. We backed off and minutes later this guy gets pulled over by the cops. We all pointed and laughed...this is called foreshadowing kids!

I didn't realize how trashed my cousin was until we reached the parkway. At this point he is pushing this truck 116 MPH. We keep drifting way too close to the steel side of the road. At first I thought he was showing off and testing just how close he could get. I called him a dick and we moved on. From out of nowhere from behind we hear the sirens and flashing lights. We get pulled over and my cousin is pulled out, breathalyzed, handcuffed, and thrown in the back of the cop car. They then breathalyze the girl, and tell her she cant drive. The cop then asks me if I had been drinking, to which I replied, "Yes.. Long and a lot". I then blew into the breathalyzer and the cop looked at it with a disgusted look. He looked at me and said, "You are acting alright..you can drive." I was piss drunk and he handed me the keys. I started up the car and drove directly into a street light. Kidding...I made it back to his house...but it doesn't end here.

Me and this girl are trying to get into the house with his keys. We try calling him but no answer. We try every door possible but cant get in. Finally we gave up and sat on the porch. She proved useless to me and I sent her home. So I call my friend and he tells him to open the garage thru the car. Ok, so I do that and enter into the house....

WOOvWOO WOOO WOOO WOOO WOO! Yup. The alarm system started going off like crazy and I had no idea what the fucking password was. Im trying like a mad man to shut it off, and it goes on for about 15 minutes. Then I look out the front window and there are the police. They are now surrounding the house telling me to come out with my hands up. I ran out and pointed my finger like a gun at the police and yelled "bang". They then opened fire....not really. This story doesnt have a great ending. The police did come but I explained the situation. My cousin got out that night with a DWI, and is basically fucked. The moral of this story is not to drink and drive.

10.5.07

These are probably my favorite lyrics ever in a rap song...I thought I would post them here. These are pretty unusual lyrics, and is basically a story about a zombie. And everyone knows my two favorite things in the world are hip hop and zombies....

"The Cool" by Lupe Fiasco

He came back
In the same suit that he was buried in
Similar to the one his grand father was married in
Yes... he was still fresh to death
bling, two ear-rings, a chain laying on his chest
He still had it cuz they couldn't find it
And the bullets from his enemies sat like two inches behind it
smelled the Hennesy from when his niggas got reminded
and poured out liquor in his memory, he didn't mind it, But...
He couldn't sip it fast enough
So the liquor was just filling the casket up
floating down by his feet was the letter from his sister
Second Grade hand-writing simply read "I miss ya"
Suit jacket pocket held his baby daughter's picture
Right next to it one of his man's stuck a swisher
He had a notion as he laid there soaking
Saw that the latch was broken, he kicked his casket open

Not at all nervous as he dug to the surface
Tarnished gold chain is what he loosened up the earth with
He used his mouth as a shovel to try and hollow it
and when he couldn't dirt spit... swallowed it
Working like a.. hmm.. reverse archaeologist
Except.. his buried treasure was sunshine
So when some shined through a hole that he had drove
it reflected off the gold and almost made son blind
He grabbed on to some grass, he climbed
Pulled himself up out of his own grave and looked at the time
On the watch that had stopped six months after the shots
That had got him in the box wringing Henny out his socks
Figured it was hours because he wasn't older
Used some flowers to brush the dirt up off his shoulders - so..
With a right hand that was all bones and no reason to stay
Decided to walk home

He begged for some change to get him on a train
"Damn that nigga stank", is what they complained
Tried to light the blunt but it burst into flames
Caught the reflection in the window of what he became
A long look... Wasn't shook, wasn't ashamed
Matter fact only thing on his brain was brains.. yeah
And getting back in his lane, doing his thang
First he had to find something to slang
Next stop was his block
It had the same cops
Walked right past the same spot where he was shot
Shocked that some lil' niggas tried to sell him rocks
It just felt weird being on the opposite
They figured that he wasn't from there
so they pulled out and robbed him
with the same gun they shot him with
Put it to his head and said "You scared ain't ya?"
He said: "Hustler for death. No heaven for a gangsta."

10.02.07

So we got some news ...... First off Britney Spears has lost her children to....K-Fed! What?! Thats pretty bad...when you lose your kids to a guy like that...you are a VERY bad parent. The only two things K-Fed knows how to do is roll joints and order Dominos. Besides this fact...he is still a MUCH better parent then Britney. Back in the day people would give their left nut to have sex with Britney, now a days you would have to get me hammered drunk just to kiss her....actually the thought makes me sick.

Marc Ecko bought Barry Bonds ball and had a vote on what should be done with it. The people want it to be put into the hall of fame with a asterick drawn on it. I'm kinda pissed...I voted for it to be shot into outer space in a rocket ship.

Tunite was the premiere episode of "Cavemen", based on the Geico commercial. If you watch that show you are a fucking idiot.

Baseball playoffs are coming. Before the season started I picked the Cleveland Indians to win the whole thing, and I'm sticking with them...sorry Yanks.

Wow...come October 20th...Random Ramblin's officially one years old. Does time fly by fast or what? It's funny because the first post ever was about the Mets blowing it...some things never change.

Halloween is right around the corner too. Im still debating on what costume I should get. It has to be something witty, and not something everyone else is going to be wearing...unless I would go as a slutty school girl. Anyway...here is a pic of me in my costume from Halloween last year.

Message to the Mets....

New York Mets....I wanna let you know...you break my heart, you insult all my muslim brother in this country. And especial...my brother Mohammed Ali, camera a zoom! I wanna say...you did a BAD thing Mets! Look at me! Mets... you gonna soon or late see me. Hey Bitch Im talking! I wanna let you know Mets, you no good low life son of a bitches...Im gonna come put you, suplex you, put you in the camel clutch, and I'm gonna fuck you in the ass, and then your gonna be humble! You no good sons of bitches! Im gonna beat the fuck out of you! Yo Allah, Yo Mohammad, Yo Ali!

My ideal home...

My ideal home....

There would be a giant hammock in the middle of the room. One that could fit about four people, comfortably. It would be facing a wall composed of about 6 flat screen TV's. One would be larger then the others and be used to play the Giants, the others would broadcast the other games going on in the NFL. The floor would be composed entirely of glass and underneath it would be an odd assortment of all kinds of fish. Catfish to stingrays..to even a few sharks. It would be a rainbow of colors...similar to someone who ate only skittles for 2 weeks and then threw up. The walls would have artwork on them by the worlds most talented. A huge painting on one the walls of me laying down in a white suit with a white leopard. Some other artwork on another wall done by the guy who does BAPE and did the new Kanye West album cover. Of course there would be a bar, and at this point I would probably be using champagne to rinse when I brushed my teeth. Right next to the bar would be a fridge with a never ending supply of buffalo wings. Onto the bathroom...one of my favorite things to do is to shower. I would have the worlds LARGEST shower. There would be a TV in there and a water proof computer. The average length of a shower for me would be 2 hours. All my work and writing would be done in there. I also think I would have a recording studio in there as well.

9.28.07

THERE WAS BLOOD ON THE DANCE FLOOR!
susie got my number
and susie aint my friend
now she took me under
with seven inches in
blood is on the dance floor
blood is on the knife
susie got my number
and susie says its right

9.25.07

Fuck-a the Halo 3!
Do you remeber when you actually played video games? Not just sat there and watched cinemas. Do you remeber when you didn't have to wear a headset and talk to some douchebag from West Bubblefuck? Do you remeber the mother fucking Brothers Mario?! Huh? Fuck Halo 3. People are waiting in line for that garbage..I swear to god, now a days people will wait in line for any fucking thing. Playstation 3, iPhone, Star Wars, even Harry F'N Potter. I played the original Halo once, and I felt like Ozzy Osbourne trying to work his televison console. After 5 minutes I was searching for Pac Man. I must confess, I like video games...I own a Wii and can not wait for the new Mario...but mainly I'm a sports gamer. I have come to the conclusion however that I prefer 2-D games to 3-D ones. To me video game companies are trying to make movies, not video games...Less story and more gameplay.

9.25.07

Well, Well, Well.... All the new TV shows have launched, and people are getting excited. Am I? Nope. You see, I watch TV... but basically all I watch is sports, the history channel, the discovery channel, or movies on the premium channels. I used to be a die hard Sopranos fan, but they took that from me. Now that I have DVR, it has opened up a whole new world for me...I'm actually going to try watching this show Heroes now...I hear great things about it. Here is a list of the shows I currently record with my DVR:

- The Soup

- Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia

- Robot Chicken

- Colbert Report

- Code Monkeys

- Rock Of Love

- Two Coreys

- Kid Nation

- Heroes

- Erics Awesome Show

- Is it Real

- Entourage

9.23.07

I am outraged. Everyone knows that the most prestigious award a man can recieve is the "Epitome of Masculinity" award. I made a mistake. A while back on this blog I awarded it to Bear Gyls of the show, "Man vs. Wild". I am now stripping this phony, fake, son of a bitch of the title. It has been revealed that he gets "stranded" with a crew, food, and water..and he is actually 2 miles away from the highway! If I saw him I would build up a mucusy loogey and spit right in his dumb fucking face.

So now onto a real man. The new winner of the "Epitome of Masculinity" award. I present to you....Bret Favre. Hes the gunslinging vet...a man that should be a cowboy in the wild west but was born in the wrong era. He is the mother fucking spokesman for Wrangler Jeans, and while the kids drink gatorade on the sides, he's drinking Budweisers. He just tied Marinos record and led the Packs to a 3-0 start. This ain't no metrosexual...

Drugs are bad

This is why you shouldn't do drugs kids. Use Macho Man Randy Savage as an example of what happens when you use drugs. This might be the most drug induced interview I have ever seen. Savage is on drugs in this video that haven't even been invented yet. Lets look at some of the funnier things he says..

"Situations develop man!"

"You put me against the wall man!"

"Last night.... I stared at a candle for about 2 hours and clapped my hands together!" (Huh?)

"When I get you down in the ring, I'm gonna make you say it! I'm gonna make you crawl to your knees and say, "please let me go!" and then I'm not going to. Take me off the air! Take me off the air!"

I love how it ends with Macho Man reaching the peek of his trip and yelling at the camera man to take him off the air. No one could tell that this man is having a drug induced nervous breakdown while they are filming him?

BONUS!

Continuing with the last post of Joe Pesci, I have found another gem. Did you know Joe Pesci was a gangsta rapper complete with a music video? Of course you did. Well here it is. The MOST gangsta rap video in existence. This is a true gem.

9.20.07

That is awesome. I really love that. It is so well done. Especially when Ernie/Pesci talks about Bert/Deniros head and the puppet actually points at it. This gets me to thinking that Joe Pesci needs to do a LOT more voice acting. Shit, Pesci should be in every movie that comes out. What else is going on...The Tommy Lee look alike wound up winning Big Brother 8, and Kid Nation, or as I refer to it "Lord of the Flies", just debuted on TV last nite. I haven't seen it yet, but the premise is the craziest shit I've ever seen. Like 50 kids 14 yrs old and under start and run a town in the middle of the fucking desert. I love the commercial where it ends with a kid screaming, "No one knows how to cook!" I'm assuming this show deteriorates into cannibalism. I also think the big twist is going to be that one of the children is actually a 45 year old midget, who just got out of prison for sexually assaulting children.

9.19.07

I have come to the conclusion that the worse sports team I have ever seen is current incarnation of the New York Knicks. Not just the team... but the managment, ownership, and everyone associated with this monstrosity. The downfall of this franchise started in 2003 when Isiah Thomas was hired.

Thomas obviously had no idea what the fuck he was doing and decided to build the team around Stephan Marbury, the most overrated player in the NBA and a loser on every team he has been on. The Knicks continued making weird signings and became the team with the largest payroll in the NBA. Despite spending so much, they still couldn't make the playoffs. Things started to look up when they managed to sign hall of fame coach Larry Brown. The team full of egos, decided not to play for him and he was soon gone. I also forgot to add during this time, Isiah Thomas wasted a draft pick on a player who decided not to come to the United States.

So now Thomas becomes the coach and the players run rampant. Do they finally make the playoffs? Nope. But that doesn't matter cause Thomas gets rewarded with a new multi year deal!

Now for the best part! The sexual harassment suit! Isiah Thomas has been doing some harassmentm and making some pretty outrageous claims....man I love this stuff...you just cant make it up...

"In a videotaped deposition played for the jury at fired Knicks exec Anucha Browne Sanders’ sexual harassment trial, Thomas said he drew a distinction between whites and blacks when it came to the B-word.
Asked if he was bothered by a black man calling a black female “bitch,” Thomas said: “Not as much. I’m sorry to say, I do make a distinction.
“A white male calling a black female a bitch is highly offensive,” Thomas said. “That would have violated my code of conduct.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t go there. … A white male calling a black female, that is wrong with me. I’m not taking that. I’m not accepting that. … That’s a problem for me.”

Duh! Everyone knows black people are allowed to call women bitches. But Thomas goes on to also make very racist comments. "Im Isiah Thomas Bitch!" Heres some more good old racism from Thomas..

"I don't give a -- about these white people, I don't give a -- about our season [ticket] subscribers,"

C'mon now...Kramer said "nigger" and he had to go into hiding. I think Thomas should at least get fired for these comments. Thomas is racist. He made a racist remark about Larry Bird back in the day, and one could just look at that team...where there is only one white player.

Marbury also took the stand. He was laughing and having a great time, saying he thought the lawsuit by the "black bitch" was a joke. He also described how he picked up a young intern. He simply drove up to her in his car and said, "Are you getting in or what?" She then got in and sex followed.

9.17.07

YO YO YOOOOO Mothaa Fuckaz! I got to wake up in a few hours and am doped up on sleeping pills while im writing this...so dont expect Hemingway you Gay Le Douches! If you want something informative and informational read the post below...this is for all you Emmy heads...Yeah! Once again I picked a clean sweep of the Emmys. Best new comedy? "Third Rock from the Sun"! What?! Best new show ever? "Heros!" So totally havent seen it yet :-). Coolest actor? That guy from O.C.! Cumming! You see what I'm doing here? I'm making fun of the fags. Yup. I said it...fucking faggots. Fags like Perez Hilton and that guy whining about Britney Spears. Why has it become cool to be gay? Not just gay but more flaming then the corpse of Princess Diana in the car accident. Sorry I left my political correctiness at home tunite. I got a place for fags and its dragging behind my Ford pickup. Ouch. Or they could be biting the curb before I stomp their fucking skull. Just playing! Sorry for the controversy. The point I'm trying to make here is that it's cool to be straight. You don't got to be a flamer to be famous.

Morgellons Disease

There is this "disease" called "Morgellons Syndrome". The thing is, it hasn't been recognized by any medical community. People who "have it" claim that they feel thousands of bugs crawling under their skin and that their are fibers under their skin. It gives people rashes, deep red open wounds. Former Oakland A's pitcher Billy Koch, and his family claim to have it. There is apparently no cure for it. People are even claiming its a govermental disease that is being hidden. The people inflicted even claims that they can see these parasites and fibers. Heres som info from a news website:

"What sounds like a science fiction movie is actually real life for the unlucky people who have contracted the disease which leaves painful sores all over the body. The sores ooze blue fibers, white threads and little black specks of sand-like material.
The worst part, patients say, is the creepy and constant sensation of bugs crawling under their skin."

And heres some hick describing the insane shit she did:
Becky Bailey moved out of her Austin, Texas home and into a trailer hoping to escape the bugs that torment her.
"We ripped out our carpet and burned our carpet and furniture and move out into our R-V and they were still one me." HA HA! Becky Bailey...thats such a porn star name!

You wanna know what these people really have? They have a fuckin case of the crazies! This is paranoid schizophrenia. Go to "youtube" and type in Morgellons disease. You will see a lot of videos of arms and hairs under a microsope, and "apparently" you can see some fibers or bugs. Guess what? If you are sane you will not see shit. And I love how one person gets it and then the whole family gets it. Its because the crazy bastard is spreading his crazy bullshit. You hang out with a cripple and you start to walk with a limp. These people are literally pulling shit out of their skin, leaving wounds. I'm gonna post a picture of an infected person...somewhat graphic...

This is insanity. Most doctors even refuse to treat this disease because it is FAKE! These crazies who claim to have it deserve to scracth themselves to death. What got me started on this rant? Well, I just saw the movie, "Bug". Even though it doesn't outright say it, it is based on this "disease" and is a pretty bad ass movie. Heres also a youtube video of a news report on this. The bottom line is this..I bet you, if you make a professional looking webiste, with fake photos talking about some crazy disease, and list symptons...you will get replies from people claiming to have this disease. I am POSITIVE of this.

11.12.07

I was watching Sci-Fi last night and a show called, "Destination Truth". In this show, some dude looks for bizarre mythical creatures like Bigfoot or the Chupacabra. Basically he doesn't find shit...never. Well...I should say, he used to never find shit. In this episode I was watching, the guy actually finds what he was looking for! The search is on for a werewolf like creature in Venezuela or some shit. The creature actually approaches him, and the guy even offers to transform right there. What results is one of the funniest moments in television history.

8.09.07

I just posted a "bonus" blog entry. It was a lost one I found in the basement. It's like one of those hidden 2Pac tracks. You know...the ones they made like 7 albums from. The tracks that 2Pac stored away and hidden in his basement before he died. Well anyway, if you want to view this hidden entry from a while back just scroll down past the NFL Preview.

NFL PREVIEW - AFC

NFL PREVIEW - AFC
"Chad Johnson can outrun a horse!"

Steelers - Much improved from last year and working under a new coach. Rothless should return to form, but they are not a playoff team.

Jaguars - They have no receivers and a questionable QB. Their run game is fine as is their defense. A moderate year for them, with a crowded 3 man backfield.

Chargers - New coach, same LT. More greatness from LT, but not up to last years standards. Rivers will also mature more, and they are definitely a playoff team.

Jets - Good new RB, but same old QB. I predict this is Pennington's last year in Green, and he is pulled/injured by mid season for the back up rookie kid (who is apparently good)

Browns - Uncertainty at every position. Jamal Lewis will do nothing and Brady Quinn will have some rough learning.

Titans - Poor Vince Young. He loses his RB and WR's. They will be one of the worst teams in the AFC.

Texans - Should be improved. New QB. Might pick up 4 wins...5 if they are lucky.

Broncos - I'm big on this team. I think Cutler is the real deal. A lot of their success will rest on the shoulders of Travis Henry. I predict big things.

Bills - They got worse from last year. Get ready for a losing year, Lossman is a bum. That rookie RB should emerge as a possible rookie of the year tho.

Patriots - These assholes. I predict they win all year, but then get upset in the second round of the playoffs. Yeah I said it.

Dolphins - A disaster. Probably the second worst team in the AFC.

Raiders - More garbage. Culpepper is done, bury him already. Worst team in AFC.

Bengals - Very exciting. Breakout year for Houseyourmamma. A playoff team but not ready for the big show.

Ravens - Scary good defense, and defense wins championships. Plus a new RB to be dealt with. McNair has one more good year in him. My Super Bowl pick.

Colts - They are the Colts...amazing team, best QB in the league. No magic again this year as the defense fails to hold up.

Chiefs - No QB. Herm Edwards is a moron. Get ready for a terrible year.

Playoff Teams - Patriots, Ravens, Colts, Chargers
Wild Card - Broncos, Bengals
Super Bowl Team - Ravens

NFL Preview - NFC

NFL PREVIEW: NFC
"The Bears are who we thought they were!"

Seahawks - Alexander isnt able to get back on his feet and the team witnesses a downfall. Hasselback will also have problems. I predict they fail to make the playoffs.

Buccaneers - Garcia doesn't bring his magic and Cadillac proves to be a bust. One of the worst teams in the division.

Falcons - No Vick might actually help them. I don't think they will be as bad as people project and I think Dunn comes up big.

Bears - The flop team. I expect a very mediocre year and for Grossman to get exposed for the bum that he is. Benson will also flop as RB.

Saints - Pretty solid team. Bush will probly steup up as a premiere running back this year. However, I dont expect Brees to have as good a year. Could be a Super Bowl team, but probably not yet.

Redskins - Not quite yet. Next year they should be pretty good. They wont suck, but they wont be good. A good year for Santana Moss tho.

Rams - My NFC Super Bowl pick. Yup...Jackson and Bulger, and an improved receiving core. The best team in the NFC.

Packers - Possibly a playoff team. It all depends on Favre and how bad he wants one more run. The lack of a great running back might be their downfall tho. Might be able to sneak past the Bears. Their division is totally up for grabs in my opinion.

Lions - Big years for Kittna and Roy Williams. And Calvin Johnson is your rookie of the year. Lack of a strong defense is the big weak spot here. They might just be able to sneak past the Bears and win the division.

Cowboys - Im not sold on Romo, and I don't think they have a good running back. Jones and Barber don't do it for me. Plus no more Parcells. Will probly barely win the division tho.

Vikings - Worst team in the NFC

49'ers - Here is an emerging team. Great running back in Gore. I also like Smith as QB. They should be a wild card team but have a rough division. If the NFC East doesn't live up, the NFC West might be sending 3 teams to the playoffs.

Giants - Not as bad as people think, and better then the Cowboys in my opinion. Second best in their division behind the Eagles. Big year for Eli. I have a strong feeling, and Jacobs proves he's the real deal.

Panthers - Steve Smith is overrated! VERY overrated. And Delhomme is done. No playoffs for these cats.

Eagles - McNabb stays healthy and they are scary good. Playoff good. Defense is there, RB is there...only thing a little shaky is their wide receivers. I have a feeling injuries will bring them down tho.

Cardinals - Improving. Should be a much better team this year. They are almost a playoff team...maybe 1 or 2 years. I expect a good year from James.

Playoff Teams - Cowboys, Lions, Saints, Rams

Wild Card - Giants, 49'ers
Super Bowl Pick - Rams

9.06.07

Im bored. When I'm bored I like to think about important stuff; Stuff like this.

- The other day I was smoking some marijuana. I dont smoke often anymore, and when I do, I get the munchies like a mother fucker. So I decided it was time for some English Mother Fuckin Muffin Pizzas! I really wanted to throw some pepperoni on top tho. I scrimmaged the fridge with no luck. I found salami tho. This got me to thinking. If I cook this salami will it turn into pepperoni? What the hell happens to salami if you cook it?? Has anyone ever tried this? I seriously doubt it.


- Alaska has straight up darkness for like a month. Am I the only one that finds that awesome? As a matter of fact, I LOVED the New York blackout. I think New York should have a "Black Out" day once a year.


- How great is string cheese. It is addictive like crack coccaine. I honestly don't know ONE person who does not like string cheese. Polly-O bitch!


- Have you ever went to make a call and accidently called someone you haven't talked to in years? And then you feel bad telling them, "Sorry, Wrong person." Its a pretty akward situation.


- God aint perfect...even he makes mistakes. Case in point: The uncircumsciced penis.

-I was at a club the other day and Rob Base was there performing. Whos that you ask? It takes two to make a thing go right.

9.05.07

"NOW SEE MY TRUE FORM!"

Its the last blast of summer for me, as I start school on the 10th. These past couple of days Im starting to disgust myself. I'm a unshaven, lazy mess, as I use the excuse of impending school to be basically a couch sloth. I recently bought the "Mega Man X Collection" for my Wii. These are the old school Super Nintendo games, quite possibly the ultimate gaming system, and they are fucking hard! Growing up I was always very big into Mario and Mega Man. So playing these games makes me feel like a big kid again. I played one of the game scompletely, right up to the last boss. I must've tried him 20 times and lost, and like most things in my life, I normally would just give up. But I decided this was something I needed to do. In an epic battle, I finally destroyed him with one little bar of health left. I was so proud I wanted to go wake my dad up. (This was 3 in the morning) I sat back and waited to watch my well deserved ending...Then it happened....The boss appeared on the screen and said, "Now its time for you to see my true form!" MOTHER FUCKER! I played enough games to see this coming, but he was so hard I thought they mite let me pass with one damn form. Nope. This human transformed into a ugly looking bug-demon type thing. My jaw dropped, "Thats what that motherfucker really looks like?!" He then killed me with one shot.
This got me to thinking. He looks like a human being but his true form is a fucking bug demon? What the hell is he? He was actually born like that and decided to take a human form? I need to know a back story here. Imagine if you fought someone and beat them up, and then say, "Now see my true form." And turn to a fucking demon. I would be like, "What the fuck! What are you, where did you come from, and why did you pose as a human?" But No...Mega Man is an asshole.

Let me add one more thing to this rant. Apparently they re-made the first Mega Man game and that pic up above is what he looks like. That ain't my Mega Man! Not the Mega Man I remeber when I was 3 years old and looked at the box art. Nope. My Mega Man is a 40 year old Popeye the sailor man in a Rainbow Tron suit. The actual Nintendo box art is below.

(Having re-read this entry, (which I rarely do) I realized this mite be the most poorly written piece of shit I have done on this blog. I needs me some skelws agen!)

Labor Day!

What the hell is Labor Day? Does anyone really know what the fuck we are celebrating. From my understanding, it could basically be called "Lazy Fucks Day", or for me, "Monday". HA HA HA! So Labor Day means that you are absolutely not going to do any work....I think thats called being black. HA HA HA! Thats actually a stereotype, and speaking of which, the blacks have it the best when it comes to stereotypes...Lets see...Great Athletes, Huge Cocks, and Lazy...That sounds like a perfect description of me...maybe I'm actually black? Oh yeah and they talk during movies. Where was I? Oh yeah. Labor Day. Maybe it actually means your suppose to do more labor. If its a day off, shouldn't it be called "No Labor Day"? Fuck this backwards ass country.

Making a Film pt.8

So we were going over the shot list. Basically planning out every second of the film and were the camera is going to be placed. Basically without giving away much, the main character in our film at one point is tripping off drugs. He is sitting on the couch, while weird imagery flashes and very bizaare lighting. At this point we needed him to get up off the couch. I was thinking about how he should do this. During these meetings I get somewhat animated and act out what the character is going to do. So I'm sitting on the couch like he is going to be doing. Instead of standing up, I decide to slide off it like a snake, or better yet a slug. I was kind of half joking when I did it. To my suprise my teammates loved it. So there it is. When you watch the film and the drug induced character slides his way off the joke, just remeber thats all thanks to me and being a nutty bastard.

8.30.07

These 2 albums are dropping on Tuesday. 50 cents "Curtis", and Kanye Wests "Graduation". They have developed somewhat of a rival over whose album is gonna sell better. I have heard both, and I can 100 percent say that Kanyes is light years better then Curtis. 50's album sounds like any other one of his albums, or any other one of G-Units album. Its boring, every song sounds the same, all the lyrics are the same, and the production is pretty bad too. Now banging Dre beats I noticed. It mite actually be 50's weakest album. Now on for Kanye's Graduation. I love this album. It has such a upbeat feel to it. You have some real uplifters, and some songs that are just mad mellow. On this album you can actually tell the difference between songs. Kanye's back to using sampling and this new album sounds a lot more like "College Dropout". I think its better then "Late Registration" but not as good as "College Dropout", which is a classic. Kanyes album is VERY good. 50 Cents album is whats wrong with hip hop, and why Nas claimed Hip Hop was dead. Dont support that idiot. Im gonna go delete that garbage off my computer.

MJ At the Movies 3

Ok...So I just saw the new "Halloween" directed and written by Rob Zombie. This is a remake of the John Carpenter classic, and I'm assuming Zombie pays respect and throws a jab at critics, by repeately showing the original "Thing" movie, which Carpenter went on to remake. I guess thats Zombie poking fun at critics that hate remakes. Now what do I think of the film? (Spoiler Free) I like the way its shot...I also love the performance of Dr.Loomis done by McDowell. The movie dives into Michael past as a small child. We see his stripper mom, slutty sister, abusive step dad. Typical shit. He gets bullied at school. See the thing is here, he doesn't seem like a bad kid. He might kill rats sure, but everyone around him see's evil, and according to his shirt, he loves Kiss. So anyway he snaps and kills all the bad people in his life. This is where I started noticing the problem with this film. You will actually find yourself rooting for Michael Meyers. Throughout the film, he only kills two people who I guess you could say "didn't deserve it". He kills whores and sluts, guys trying to rape a girl, abusive fathers, loud talking truckers...he's very human in this film, which for me takes away from the "horror" element. I just could not be afraid of him, and felt bad for him. Maybe I'm just sick. Was it enjoyable? Yes. Was some of the dialogue terrible? Yup. If thats how teenage girls really talk, then guys aren't nearly as horny as chicks. Why is everyone SO horny in horror movies? Every line out of a teenagers mouth is about sex. Jeez...I just re-read that last sentence, am I getting old or what? Overall its worth seeing in theatres. It's not a masterpiece like the first, but a HELL of a lot better then this shit they've been passing as horror lately, like "Saw" and "Hostel" and all those new "Texas Chainsaw Massacres".

8.25.07

I would like to wish a happy 18th birthday to Hayden Pattentrie. I love how fat geeks online count down the days until a girl like this turns 18, then on her birthday they celebrate. Oh now thats shes legal, these guys can finally bang her. Ha! Because you know her being underage is the only thing preventing it from happening. I'm gonna label this girl as the next big thing, and also the next Lindsay Lohan. Yup...shes probly gonna go fucking insane soon and end up in rehab. Its a shame really.

8.25.07

I was always very pro smoking. I always thought a cig after a long hard day was just as good as a beer. It started out very casually, I only smoke when I drink. Then I found myself adding things. I need a smoke while I'm driving, and you have to have a smoke after I eat. Still no problem, except for the money, because cigs are expensive. In the back of my mind I always wanted to quit completly, but never had the will power. So tonight, I come home after a night of drinking, and can't stop from coughing. I go in the bathrrom and cough up something red. Was I drinking kool-aid? Did I eat strawberry sherbet? I look over it and realize its blood. Thats the only warning sign I need. I am finito..done. Honestly I'm going to try and never touch one....its going to be hard but I think I can do it. Its all about the willpower! I would also like to quit drinking but that will NEVER happen. I need something positive in my life.

8.23.07

This might be one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. Where did they get this monkey? From the Planet of the Apes?! This is amazing, he acts way too human, you can even see the pain on his face as he leaves one behind. You have to love the Japanese...Oh heres a quick racist joke I just thought of....this is a video of Michael Vick walking his pitbulls. Its so nice I had to post it thrice.

8.20.07

Be sure to check out the vid below and to tell every one of your little friends about it. And then go and tell your family about it. And be sure to tell your younger sister about it...and tell her who I am and how I make people into movie stars. Your probly wondering who that serial killing looking dude is up there. Well he is the biggest pimp in America! I stumbeled across is myspace while looking up some competition for the contest. Look at this guys friends list. And look at Mark! This is unintentional comedy gold!

http://myspace.com/nickelus

Sons of 1984 - Breakthrough

Heres the new video made by me and my squad... Pit Stop Productions. The picture quality diminished when it was transfered to youtube. If you watch it on DVD it looks a thousand times better.

Making a Film pt.7

Mayhem....So everything goes smooth and we finish the music video, and I'm very proud of it. I should've known things were going too well. The first sign was when the DVD burner failed. So I burnt a data disc and hoped in my car to Long Island to deliver it to be put on youtube. The whole Northern State was closed down so I had to jump on the LIE, then the turn I was suppose to make, the whole street was shut down due to an accident. Im on the phone trying to find a new route when a cop angrily yells, "Get the hell off the phone!" I don't like people yelling at me, especially when I'm talking and I snapped. I yelled back, "Maybe I wouldn't have to be on the phone finding out where the hell I'm going if you didn't shut down the street!" They didn't like this and made me pull over and gave me a ticket for being on the cellphone. How much? One hundred and fifty freakin' dollars! Jesus! So I finally make it my location and guess what...the video doesn't work. A hundred and fifty dollar trip for nothing! So now we are on our final day to submit this thing and the problem lies not without editing, but figuring out this technologicly thing they call computers. Cross your fingers for us.

Making a Film pt.6

Oh, how I love deadlines...The video is just about done, but now I want to polish it and have that summa-bitch shinning. The problem is the last day to enter the video into the contest is tommorrow at the 17...and my editing partner gets home from work at 10 PM. Sooo...we have to do crazy editing all nite, get it perfect, and then I got to drive out to Long Island with the final DVD and upload it to Youtube. AWESOME! Anyway I'll have the video posted on here tommorrow. My nipples are getting hard just thinking about it. I already did some more editing on it, and I'm getting very happy with it. I think people will like it, at least I hope so. Rite now I'm working on getting a logo for our company to throw on the front of the video.

8.15.07

Something I've noticed. This really irks me when white boys do this. How come when some white boys get into beef, they constantly start saying the word "nigga" like it makes them harder or something. Number one no white person should be saying "nigga". The whites are just jealous that the blacks have a word we can't say. What do we want to take everything away from them? Let them have it...they never got their 40 acres and a mule, they can at least have "nigga". So I'm making a statement right here, any white person saying "nigga" is a douchebag, and black people who hang out with whites and allow them to say this with them are even dumber. I'm not racist cause I hate all the races equally...sometimes the white devils make me angry, sometimes the Spanish, and sometimes the blacks, and a lot of times the Indians...and I aint talking about the cool Indians, that wear facepaint and feathers, cause they have never made me angry.

8.13.07

End of Summer blues...

This is probly the lamest part of summer. Your just about ready for reality and school, but you want to do one more crazy thing to end with a bang. The past two days I have become a lazy beast of sleep. And some asshole mechanic fucked up my car so I can't even drive around anywhere. I haven't even really felt like doing anything much tho. I haven't even been following the news or shaving or anything. These past two days I have become a bum. I guess you could say I'm in a funk. Wednesday I got to get back to work on the music video, and Thursday I'll have it here ON THIS VERY BLOG! THIS THURSDAY THE PREMIERE OF PIT STOP PRODUCTIONS FIRST MUSIC VIDEO! Mark your calenders Beatrices. You should be excited.

8.13.07

Today was the roast of Flava Flav. It was better then I thought with them really ripping into him. Here are some of the best lines:

- "Chris Benoit is a better father then you"

- "Flava is responsible for more homeless black children then Hurricane Katrina"

- "Why do you wear a clock, you haven't had anywhere to be in 13 years"

- "They call it flavor of love...I didn't know syphliss had a flavor"

- "Flava set Vikings back 100 years"

I liked it a lot. They also really ripped into Carrott Top. I don't think one person on earth likes Carrott Top, he's like the white version of Carlos Mencia.

8.7.07

Making a Film pt.5

Editing sucks. Especially when you got a 1 day deadline and a pain in the ass "rap superstar" busting your balls, and to top it all off, you still don't even have the god damn finished song yet. Rite now things aren't looking great. We have the footage, the equipment, just not the time. We can get something out there no problem, but I want the best we can do. I just watched the whole 2 hours of footage jotting down notes. Some shots looked better in person, while a few just put my jaw to the floor. Oh another thing...one of my favorite shots, my cameraman forgot to hit record and we lost it. I noticed it but didn't get on his balls about it. We can't be fighting between us in a time where we are locked inside a tiny room editing. I heard a story that Scorsese used to edit with his wife. One time he got so angry he threw a typewriter at her and came within inches of killing her. That is editing my friends.

Making a Film pt.4

Controversy with the music video. The group went back into the studio today with two singers and the famed DJ Chaci (DJChaci.com). Chaci added some scratching to the record, which basically I think kicks ass. The singing however...when I first heard it, I thought it sounded like some cats being skinned alive in the alleyway. Maybe I was a little harsh, but I knew deep down it wasn't rite. So I got on the phone rite away and the artist's agreed with me. Regretfully, one of the singers is getting cut out of the song....Hey, thats the breaks kid. Overall tho, I'm happy with the improvements. Some more funny stuff about the song...The second rapper, "Gatsby", dropped "shit" in the sing. "Shit" is a big no-no on on youtube! So that is being turned into "ish" now. Now for some more controversy. Gatsby also says the line, "Shove It!" The controversy is that it sounds exactly like "Fuck It!" I just hope that no one realizes the song says "Paul is dead!" when played backwards. I'm off to go edit this bad boy now.

Making a Film pt.3

Ok, so we just shot the music video the whole day today. From 10:30 AM to about 7:30 PM. It was a grueling shoot with the sun beating down on us, and we used all exterior locations. The video might be a little random, but its not about the concept, its more about cool looking shots and giving the viewer a feel of New York. The way I would describe the video is the "Suburbs meets the Hood". You have 2 Suburban Long Island boys, with their fancy cars and clothes, coming to my neck of the woods, which would be the ghetto of course. So vibrant colors and clothes and cars, splashed up against graffiti walls, and shady looking blocks. Its a clash of cultures, but I feel it works. I was very happy with the shoot overall. We got some really cool looking shots, but I haven't been able to look them over yet, thats for tomorrow. Hopefully all turns out well.

Making a Film pt.2

Well we got a little sidetracked. Me and two members of my team (Pit Stop Enterprises) are actually shooting a music video tommorrow for the "Sons of 1984", two white rappers named Gatsby and AD. This video will be entered into a youtube contest judged by 50 Cent and Common. The winner gets to record a single with G-Unit records and $10,000. Now how do I feel about this? Well since Eminem is non existent now a days, I think there is definetly a market for a white rapper. The thing is I'm not going to present them as gangsta in this video, cause they're not, they're two white boys from Long Island. 50 Cent....whatever, that style of rap is going out of style anyways, that overly gangsta stuff. And I also feel the streets are getting sick of 50 and G-Unit. The problem with them is overexposure. 50 is in movies, sneakers, Vitamin Water, Video games, and clothing...its a little overkill. However, I do like Common a lot. He is a "concious" rapper, who actually says things in his rhymes and shys away from gangster lyrics. He is also a really artsy dude. I'm not really expecting to win this contest, considering the fact that we were told about this contest like 5 days ago and the finished product is due August 17. Im sure there will be a lot of really well done entrys, but either way people will get to be exposed to their music and to our filming abilities. This is a warm-up for us until we film "Found", but all in all in should be good. I'll update about the shoot tommorrow.

8.3.07

America has officially died.

Everyone knew it was coming..it was just a matter of when. Just like the Roman Empire, we too have fell from grace. Why, you ask? Because today is the release date of this...

A movie that tells the young girls of today to be superficial, egotistical, and basically be little slut Paris Hilton clones. Its because of shit like this that people like me and R.Kelly get in trouble. I would bang each girl in that poster, but each one is only 13, cause they are "Bratz". They don't even spell their fucking name with a "s" because they are so cool. This film should be called, "MySpace: The Movie". In a review I read about this movie, the reviewer described watching it as, "Bratz is like being raped by MySpace".

8.2.07

Those sneakers basically just kicked my ass. Those are the Nike SB Freddy Kreugers, coming out in November/October. I don't know if its just me, but those are really kick ass to me, even if they weren't for Freddy. As sick as it may sound, Freddy was like a role model to me as a kid. I thought he was the bee's knees. It wasn't the fact that he was killing everybody but rather due to the fact that he had a smart ass remark no matter what the situation. A man falls 50 feet with a noose around his neck hanging himself to death and Freddy would turn to him and say, "Hows it hanging Bill". Thats why hes the fucking man, and a role model to children everywhere. If I remeber correctly, in the first "Nightmare on Elm Street" he was a child molesster. I think this was downplayed when he started becoming the hero of his films. Every town has an Elm Street!

The Bible is Nuts! #2

Getting "Stoned"

Ok..so we heard about King Slongomon. But that is not the only story in the bible that is fucking nuts. I tend to find that the Old Testament is a lot more stuffed with the crazy. This is another Old Testament story, which I don't remeber so fondly, so forgive me if some details are off. Anywhoo, God appears to a village, and anybody thats anybody knows, one does not look directly at God. So God appears and says, "Mother Fucker, look at me and I'll turn you to stone!" So everyone runs and doesn't turn back, but leave it to one dumb bitch to test Yaweh. She turns around and finds out God's pimp hand is way strong the hard way. Yup..God turns some innoncent women into stone for the rest of eternity, only because she looked at him. This bitch is still a statue somewhere. Do you really think that God forgives your sins because you say 5 bullshit Hail Marys? Hell No! He turned a bitch to stone for looking at him! All that forgiveness shit is made up by Jesus.

Making a Film pt.1

Making a Film part 1
Ok...heres the deal..I have just begun the serious "pre-production" on my film, "Found". This is what I love doing in life and this is honestly my dream. But let me tell you now, making a film is a lot of hard work. If you seriously want to make a film, you must realize you are going to have to invest a lot of time and money. Also, be prepared to be on people's balls all the time and be prepared for some arguments. Now my role exactly is Writer/Director/Producer. I have another director and producer on my team, but I am the one who wrote the script. My script had to be subjected to criticism and I'm already on my fourth draft. As for money, I already dropped 3 thousand on a camera and I still got to chip in on lighting and sound. Right now where in "pre-production", meaning we are doing a shot list and storyboard, then its location scouting and casting, hopefully begin actual shooting in late August-early September. You have to write out every single shot in a film. Think for a sec how many shots are in a film. We are only doing a 12 minute short and it is already a major pain in the ass. I will update this blog more as we progress...

Worst Things Ever!

Some of my least favorite things in no particular order:

- Daylight Savings Time
- The WNBA
- Princess Diana
- Lack of air conditioning
- The San Antonio Spurs
- Harry Potter
- The Olympics
- The new Die Hard
- Paris Hilton
- Fat, ugly lesbians (femminists)
- Dr. Phil
- Terrorists
- Star Jones
- F.C.C
- Roger Clemens
- MySpace
- Herm Edwards
- Anna Nicole Smith
- Stephen King
- Fred Durst
- Men who wear flip-flops
- Mosquitoes
- Tiny dogs people carry around
- Paula Abdul
- College
- Fraternities
- People who love waking up early in the morning
- Dumb Christians who believe everything literally in the Bible

- People who are too scared to try and live out their dreams and knock you for trying

- Cockroaches

- White trash people addicted to Meth

- Pretty much the whole cast of the current SNL

7.25.07

I just stumbeled across this picture of me and some crazy at the Halloween parade in the city. Im the one in the red...HA HA. But seriously, I couldn't tell if that thing was a boy or a girl. It was wearing a shirt that said "Spoiled Little Brat" and it danced around like in was on ecstasy. Let me tell you something, if you love fucking crazies, then the Halloween parade is the place for you. It was a good thing I put a bottle of Brandy in me beforehand so that I could fit in better. If your not a crazy, you better drink or do some kind of drug, because the crazies will be able to sniff out your lack of insanity. There were also nutjobs holding signs about Jesus trying to preach. I saw a group of gay guys dressed up as tooth fairys actually rip this guy apart with their bare hands.

7.23.07

I have never read a single line of a Harry Potter book. I have never seen a single minute of a Harry Potter movie. I am very proud of this fact and want to keep it that way. I try to distance myself from it, but now I'm hearing that the new book sold like a billion copies in half a second. So I think its time for me to comment for the first and last time on Harry Potter. Fuck Harry Potter. I don't know shit about it, and I dont want to know. All I know is I would give it to the chick named "Hermaphodite" or whatever. And I also heard that the chick who wrote these books used to be a crackhead hooker. Thats not even a joke. I heard she really was a crackhead hooker...and now shes the richest women in the world, for writing a bunch of fucking childrens wizards books. "But MJ, they are well written so that all ages can enjoy." Fuck that. I don't like elves, and wizards, and gnomes and fairies or any of that shit. I don't know why the world has such a hard on for this stuff, between this and Lord of the Rings. Abd heres my stance on Lord of the Rings....They are good movies...HOWEVER...after I saw them I said, "That was a good movie, but I never want to see or talk about them ever again." And thats that.

A quick Harry Potter story. One of my friends is a compulsive liar, and we know it. He lies about the smallest stupidest things. Now lets travel back in time to when the first Harry Potter book came out. Im in the car with the liar and my other friend, and their talking about that crap book. The liar claims he has read it, and for some reason, I can tell he is lying. So I chime in with a question for him, "Hey, who's the main character of "Harry Potter"?" He looks at me and all of a sudden becomes very angry and defensive, "I don't fucking remeber that shit!"

BTW for those of you with Showtime on Demand check out "The Shining". Nicholson gives one of my all time favorite acting performances.

Getting Poisoned.

So I'm working construction on a famous Hollywood actors house in the Hamptons. (Heres a hint, he was the lead actor in a HUGE film were he killed a shark.) Im told to go up into the attic with one of the mexican workers and start putting up insulation. So me and him go up there shirtless with no protection and start rolling around in the insulant like we were on fire. As we continue this I realize my eyes are burning and I'm starting to become itchy. I look over to him and ask him if we should wear a mask or something and he goes, "No, No, No." So we continue on until I begin coughing uncontrollably and dry heaving in the corner. I look at my arms and they have rashes on them now. His arms too are rashed up. At this point I say fuck this and go get us some masks. The funny thing is the guy refuses to even point the mask on and I have to force him too. We finally finish and walk out of the house like Night of the Living Dead. We make it about four steps until he drops down next to me dead.

6.20.07

My interview with "Sonic the Hedgehog"

Q: Sonic, can you describe Dr.Robotnik with one word?

A: Well that depends if you consider Mother-Fucker one word.

Q: What have you been up to since your last game?

A: You know a spot where I can get some pussy? I'm horny as a mother fucker. And you got a number I can call to get some nose candy?

(How this idea came about: I was playing Sonic the Hedgehog recently. The idea is basically this, Dr.Robotnik is the main bad guy and he takes cute little furry animals and traps them in a robotic body. So like a cute little rooster becomes a big mean robotic rooster. That didn't really bother me much. It was however, when I destroyed a giant robotic worm and a little bird flew out that I had to proclaim, "Dr.Robotnik is a mother fucker!" He won't even give the bird a god damn robot bird body. He makes him a fucking worm?! Fuck him.)

Snake Lady

I was debating if I should write this story. You see, the image I saw that night has forever been burned into my memory, and I thought words simply could not do it justice. I was waiting to hopefully find a picture of this oddity on the internet, but then I realized she is not allowed to be photographed. This is the story of the Black Snake Woman. One of the few remaining wonders of this world.
Me and my friend were at one of those annoying street feasts. They are nothing more then a haven for carnies and sexual predators. And there is nothing I hate more then gypsy fucking carnies. I spot a building which has paintings all across the side and says, "COME SEE THE SNAKE WOMAN". Then there is a painting of some hot topless white chick with a snake tail for the lower half. That really didn't matter to me, she still had a mouth didn't she? Its 3 bucks to enter, and I figure even if it really isn't a snake/human hybrid at least I'll see some boobies. Working this "ride" were some black Africans who probably just cut off someones hand for a blood diamond. Bling Bang! We hand him the money and cautiously walk in.
Now here is a explanation of what it actually was, and this is the God's honest truth. It was a black woman standing in a pit with a tire around her neck, and mirrors around every side of her, so it appeared as if she had no body. She was also wearing sunglasses and had absolutely no expression on her face, I wasn't even sure if she was breathing. I debated with my friend if it was actually a real life person or just a dummy. So I decided to become a heckler to try to get a reaction. "How the hell did you get those glasses on? You don't even have any arms!" Nothing. I tried another joke and then resorted to yelling, "Say something bitch!" I couldn't get a reaction for nothing. There was now a crowd of us standing outside the fence peering in, making lewd comments and jokes. My friend pulls out his cellphone and goes to take a picture when of all sudden the woman lets out a huge yell..."NOOOOOOOO PICTURES!" It actually scared the shit out of me. The black guy then came running in at top speeds holding a machete and actually forced my friend to delete the picture. The world was not ready to see this miracle, and looking back on it, I'm actually glad he did erase it. He did us all a favor.

7.15.07

Here are some of my favorite things I thought I should share with you:
http://jacksplash.ytmnd.com/
http://bushes.ytmnd.com/
http://denzelsmoothjazz.ytmnd.com/
http://fire-hose.ytmnd.com/
http://nickelbackracist.ytmnd.com/
http://spartaisoutrageous.ytmnd.com/
http://catistrulyoutrageous.ytmnd.com/
http://shamepicard.ytmnd.com/
http://heresmyinvitation.ytmnd.com/

The Seven Mexican Dwarfs

(This post has been racist approved)I work on a construction site now, and I supervise these 7 Mexican guys. I like to call them my "Seven Mexican Dwarfs". I even gave them names like Sleezy, Greasy, Lazy, Stinky, Hairy, Mustachey, and Jose. I force them to sing along to "Whistle while you work". I sing out the part, "whistle while you work", and they have to whistle accordingly in rhythm or I whip their back with my black Dickies belt. I'm just kidding people! It's not a Dickies belt...Honestly tho, NO ONE works harder then these guys and a bunch of white guys wouldn't do half a good a job and complain. It actually bothers me that workers as skilled as them are being passed up for jobs just because of where they were born or come from. They aren't bitter tho. I was talking to them about this. What they do is like 7 of them come from Mexico and get a house together, so the rent is cheap. They then work here for a couple of years and return to Mexico. The money they make here translates to a lot more over there and they can live comfortably. People like to knock them, but respect has to be given to anybody that works hard for their money.

Fourth of July!

Ok so I'm watching my new favorite channel, National Geographic. They have a show called "Is It Real?", and this week they were talking about bigfoot. Apparently, there is this Russian guy who has a human father and a bigfoot mother. Hmmm...A guy fucked a bigfoot?! Anyway, this guy is now a half breed. So you ask, what does a half human, half bigfoot look like. If you guessed Kramer then you are correct.

Wow...I totally forgot that it is the fourth of July. I guess the fact that its on a Wednesday this year kind of ruins it. I think also the fact that the weather sucks and that its raining might add to it, and that everyone has work tommorrow. Or maybe its the fact that people hate America now. All I know is I had nothing left in the tank to celebrate, seeing how I went balls to the wall for Canada Day.

7.2.07